A Think First Podcast with Jim Detjen
Think First is a short-form podcast that makes you pause — before you scroll, share, or believe the headline.
Hosted by Jim Detjen, a guy who’s been gaslit enough to start a podcast about it, Think First dives into modern narratives, media manipulation, and cultural BS — all through the lens of gaslighting and poetic truth.
Some episodes are two minutes. Some are ten. It depends on the story — and the energy drink situation.
No rants. No lectures. Just sharp questions, quick insights, and the occasional laugh to keep things sane.
Whether you’re dodging spin in the news, politics, or that “trust me, bro” post in your feed… take a breath. Think first.
Visit Gaslight360.com/clarity to sharpen your BS filter and explore the 6-step clarity framework.
A Think First Podcast with Jim Detjen
#55 The Casual Sex Myth · Gaslit by the Culture
Modern culture tells us sex is just fun, casual, and consequence-free. But what if that’s the biggest gaslight of all? From hookup culture and porn to OnlyFans and Bonnie Blue, Jim Detjen unpacks the poetic truths and lies shaping how we think about sex, intimacy, and identity. This episode isn’t prudish — it’s piercing. And maybe even a little personal.
Stay sharp. Stay skeptical. #SpotTheGaslight
Read and reflect at Gaslight360.com/clarity
What if the most intimate thing we do is also the one we're told shouldn't mean anything? Welcome to Think First. I'm Jim Detchen. I'm not a therapist, not a doctor, but after almost 30 years of marriage and a lifetime of conversations as a husband, father and friend, I've had time to think about sex, to live it, question it and watch how culture tries to explain it away. So if you've been gaslit into thinking sex is always casual, consequence-free or just another swipe, it might be time to question the narrative. This is Think First, where we don't follow the script. We question it Because in a world full of poetic truths and professional gaslighting, someone's got to say the quiet part out loud.
Speaker 1:Culture has a way of making even the sacred feel disposable. Today, sex is pitched like a hobby, like Pilates or pickleball, only sweatier and with worse playlist choices, no strings attached, just vibes, all pleasure, no pressure. But if it's truly just sex, why does it leave so many people feeling used, confused or quietly miserable? Why do women keep saying they're empowered but also empty? Why do men chase the high, then ghost or worse, numb out? Why is it that the more we normalize casual sex, the more anxious, lonely and disconnected we become? And why do we keep pretending that oxytocin doesn't exist Just because it's inconvenient for our dopamine? Let's be blunt the idea that sex can be completely casual is a poetic truth. It's true-ish, symbolically appealing, emotionally liberating, until the feelings show up uninvited. This myth was born out of the sexual revolution, when restraint was rebranded as repression and desire was finally allowed to speak Loudly and to be fair, that was a necessary correction. But corrections have a funny way of overcorrecting. What started as a fight against shame turned into a religion of detachment, the new gospel that wanting more from sex makes you needy, that emotional intimacy is optional, that falling in love is a side effect. Not the point. But here's the truth. Your therapist, your playlist and your dating app don't want to admit.
Speaker 1:Sex bonds people literally, biochemically. Especially during orgasm, your brain floods with oxytocin, the same hormone that bonds mothers to babies, and while we all produce it, women tend to feel its effects stronger and longer. There's a reason he rolls over and sleeps while you lie there wondering what that meant. Even men, even the ones pretending to be emotionally Teflon, feel it, maybe not in words, but in withdrawal, in detachment, in the panic that comes after a night that went too deep. So yeah, sex has strings, even when we say it doesn't. We've been told we're just animals, that sex is instinct, nothing personal. But even animals cuddle after, except maybe the praying mantis, and I'd argue she's not the best role model.
Speaker 1:Now let's talk apps and porn, two things that rewired how we approach sex and how we avoid actual people. Tinder made sex accessible but also disposable. Swipe, match, touch, ghost, where intimacy is defined as sharing your location, not your last name, real vulnerability, cringe. Then there's porn, which taught a generation that sex is something you watch, not something you feel. It told men that dominance equals desire. It told women that pain equals performance. It told both that connection is an afterthought. And here's the kicker Even if you know it's fake, your brain doesn't. Nothing says healthy sexuality like learning about it from a guy named Johnny Sins. And somehow we've convinced ourselves that watching strangers choke each other on a phone screen is just healthy exploration, not say cultural psychosis. Porn isn't just a solo act anymore, it's the third wheel in the bedroom. Try competing with an endless stream of novelty, airbrushed, algorithmically optimized and emotionally unavailable. That's not intimacy, that's outsourcing desire to a database.
Speaker 1:Meet Bonnie Blue 1,057 men In 12 hours. Not a metaphor, not a dare A record. She says she felt fine, but I'm guessing not many of those 1,057 even looked her in the eye. This isn't sex, it's spectacle. It's a performance designed for headlines, not connection, a cultural stunt doubling as a warning label. And we wonder why Gen Z is anxious, touch-starved and confused about love. So now we're here In a cultural moment where hookup culture is normalized but everyone feels like something's off, where the language of sex is liberation but the reality often looks like burnout, confusion and Instagram therapy sessions.
Speaker 1:We were told sex positivity would save us, but no one told us it might also flatten us. We were told consent is enough, but didn't realize it was the floor, not the ceiling. And we were told we're free to choose anything except meaning. I'll say this you are absolutely free to live however you want. I'll say this you are absolutely free to live however you want. Have the flings or don't. Save it for someone you love or don't, but just know the body keeps score. Your brain wasn't designed to treat sex like fast food and your heart it's not a vending machine. I've been married nearly 30 years, which in hookup culture, math is roughly 10,000 first dates with the same woman. I call that radical.
Speaker 1:So if you've ever walked away from a casual encounter wondering why it didn't feel so casual, you're not crazy, you're not broken. You're just human and maybe, just maybe, you've been gaslit. We don't judge here. We just ask better questions, because you don't need all the answers, but you should question the ones you're handed. In a world that wants you emotionally numb and sexually fluent, try flipping it. Get fluent in your emotions and see how that changes sex. And in a world that wants you emotionally numb and sexually fluent, try flipping it. Get fluent in your emotions and see how that changes sex. Until next time, stay skeptical, stay curious and always think first, want more. The full six-step framework we use is at Gaslight360.com. You can also dive into the deeper story, the bio, the podcast and the mission at JimDetchincom. And if you like this one, tag it, save it, share it. Thank you.
