The Astro Study Room
Learning the truth of the stars together. Astrology 101 with a few side quests.
The Astro Study Room
#11 - Three Generations of Saturn Returns OTHERSODE
What does Saturn really ask of us when life turns the page? We sat down with three women at different Saturn returns to trace how adulthood, success, and purpose change across decades. The stories are tender, funny, and unflinchingly honest: surviving poverty without letting it define your worth, navigating ambiguous loss when a loved one is alive yet altered, and finding peace in simple rituals that anchor a restless mind.
We frame the conversation with an accessible primer on the three Saturn returns. From early apartments and career pivots to downsizing and grandparenthood, we unpack the pressure to attain and the letdown that can follow. You’ll hear how working 130 hours a week can banish one kind of fear while creating another, and why authenticity often becomes the truest definition of success.
Legacy and purpose get a compassionate rewrite. Instead of living only to leave money or to be remembered by bloodline, we talk about resonance: the love, care, and awareness you imprint on people, animals, and places. We close with each guest titling her Saturn chapter and an invitation to name yours.
If this episode moved you, follow the show, leave a review, and share it with someone who needs a little structure and a lot of heart. What would you title your current Saturn chapter?
Check out both of Chione's podcasts!
The Past Lives Cafe shares fascinating true stories of past life experiences that illuminate, reveal and heal, and The Mystical Mermaid Lounge (cohosted by Chloe Brown) where the two of them interview so many different people with different paths towards healing a spirituality!
Until next time, we invite you to connect with us on Patreon for additional resources and to share your Saturn Return experiences. In our next episode, we will be getting personal with Uranus!
If you are interested in getting a reading from Jordan, you can email her at yourwitchylibrarian@gmail.com or message us on Instagram @TheAstroStudyRoom
Follow Ember’s witchy embodiment journey on Instagram @emberfaemagic, take her free quiz to find out what is holding you back from your sensual magick or sign up for her newsletter at her website.
TW for episode; Suicide and poverty mentions.
Hey Star students, welcome back to the Astro Study Room. I'm Ember Faye, your friendly neighborhood Fire Fairy Witch.
SPEAKER_00:And I'm Jordan, a university researcher by day and a full-time astrology student by night. Our goal for this podcast is to feel like we're all just students meeting up after class to go over our notes together. Every other Tuesday, we'll be exploring core astrology topics, breaking them down, and just chatting about how these concepts show up in our real lives and reflecting on what wisdom the stars have to share with us. If you enjoyed this episode, I hope you will consider subscribing and leaving us a review to help us grow this little cohort of astrology students.
SPEAKER_06:Yes, and we also have our Patreon where we drip free content for you all, such as study guides and journal prompts. So sign up for our Patreon for all of that. And if you listen to our last Saturn episode, you know how pumped Jordan and I are for this other sode.
SPEAKER_00:Yes, I'm so excited. And we actually recorded this back in May and have been really excited to release it. Um, this was our first interview and our first pre-recorded that far advanced episode. So we've been holding on to this for a while. And we just knew that it was going to be the perfect other sode following the Saturn episode. So this has been this has been in the books for some months.
SPEAKER_06:Absolutely. And so what's special about this episode is that it features two very special guests. So the structure of this episode is a little different than normal. Uh, think more interview style, which was so much fun. And I was so honored to interview not just one, but three women in all different eras of their Saturn returns.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, this was so special. I was one of the three women. I'm the one going through my first Saturn return. Um, at the time that we recorded this, I think it was actually like a couple weeks before like officially starting the Saturn return. But I was one of the three women, and I'm really excited to hear everybody's reactions about this and also get to the get to editing it myself.
SPEAKER_06:Yeah, I forgot that it was a few weeks beforehand. Maybe we can reflect after at the end how it's been going. But I also wanted to introduce our other two guests you'll meet today are Keone, who is starting her second Saturn return and a podcast host of the Mystical Mermaid Lounge, and then leads the Past Lives Cafe podcast, which I would recommend. Jordan, we can like link those in the show notes, right?
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_06:We'll put those in the we'll put those in the show notes for y'all. Keone has entered her second Saturn return. And so, as we learned in the last episode, a Saturn return happens once every 27, a 29-ish year. So you can do the male. And Keone brought what uh brought to us Churchill, who by the goddess blessings is in her third Saturn return, which is absolutely incredible. And so I think, Jordan, what would be a good idea is maybe to start by explaining to us the different Saturn returns and why these are so significant.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, so the first Saturn return happens between the ages of 27 and 30. And this is the transition time from young adulthood into true adulthood, astrologically, kind of in a joking way, after your first Saturn return is when you were like officially an adult adult adult and there's no you're not a kid anymore. Um, so this is a major moment in defining your life and setting up how you want to want your life path to go. Many people go through a difficult transition during this time, like a career shift or a relationship ending or moving somewhere totally new. And typically the journey through the Saturn Return is tough, but supposedly the results are amazing. The second Saturn Return happens between the ages of about 57 to 60, and this is a time of reflection, reinvention, and recalibrating. This is when people may be retiring, though these days, not really. Uh, this may be when people are becoming grandparents or finding a brand new passion in life. And this is when someone really looks back at their life and what they've done so far and considers what do I want to bring into the rest of my life and what do I want to leave behind. This is a time for reconfiguring the life you want and generally seen as much easier than the first Saturn return. And then the third Saturn Return happens between the ages of 87 and 90. And this is a time of maturity, accepting mortality, shedding the ego, finding peace, and planting seeds for the future generations. The big questions here are what do I want to leave behind? What wisdom do you want to leave with your loved ones? And also consider what unfinished business you have in this life that you can address, and what things is it time to let go of and find peace from. I hope this explanation is good context for where each of the three women are in their lives. And I hope you all are ready to learn about the three different Saturn returns and all of the hardships and love and beauty and joys of life through these three women. And as we keep saying, this episode is just very truly special to us. So we're really excited to hear your thoughts on this one.
SPEAKER_06:Yeah, Jordan mentioned hardships, and I did want to share a trigger warning for some parts of the episode around poverty and suicide. These topics will come up in the episode. So we wanted to make you aware of that prior to listening. Stay tuned. You are going to absolutely love this episode. And as always, please let us know how we're doing. Comments, likes, subscribes. We are learning together in this little astro study room, which is why it is so special to us. So, buckle up star students, class is officially out and the study room is in session.
SPEAKER_00:All right, welcome back. I know you thought we were gonna kick it off with the interviews, but actually we're gonna stop in real quick for a little bit of astro weather. I am actually skipping the general astro weather for this portion, but Ember is still gonna take us back with the local news to you, Ember.
SPEAKER_06:Yeah, I cannot believe we are at the end of October 2025 when this airs. I can't believe we're like mid-October right now. And if you're celebrating Soin and happen to be around the Maryland area, you can find me volunteering at Soin Fest in Howardy Grace, Maryland. It's going to be an amazing festival. I've been sharing it on my Instagram at Ember Faye Magic. Take a look at it. Message me if you're gonna be there. So pumped. There's gonna be ancestral magic, there's gonna be a dumb supper, a seance, vendors. It's gonna be amazing. And so our next big lunar event after Soin, the magic of Soin, will be happening on November 5th, 2025 at 8:19 a.m. Eastern Standard Time. And we talked about in previous episodes that we are in super moon season, meaning the moon is closest to the earth in its orbit. She's gonna be gorgeous. If you've been peeking at the moon or the full moon in the past few cycles, she's been something to behold. And this is our beaver moon, so named for a few reasons. It's the time of year beavers, you know, like busy beavers, are finishing building their dams, stocking up on food. Also, when actually like hunting for beavers was most successful because they're like out doing their thing, and most important because it's when indigenous people, colonizers, would actually use the beavers to create coats, blankets, that kind of thing. They would use their pelts for that to keep warm over the winter. And I don't know when I started to like deep dive into these like colloquial names of the moons, but I've kind of enjoyed it. It's been interesting. This moon is happening in the fixed earthy sign of Taurus. So it's a sign of steadfastness, stability, grounding, material comfort. Briefly, I wanted to bring up a ritual that I have personally started at the time of Thanksgiving last year. This was like around the same time Taurus full moon was happening. With Taurus being a sign of comfort and material things and values, I started a practice where I made a jar for all of the full moons. It's like a little gratitude jar. And for every full moon over the past year, I've been writing down one thing that I'm grateful for, folding it up, labeling it with the moon sign, and then putting it in the jar. And so my plan for this Taurus full moon is to open the jar and read through all the things that I have written over the past year. And I don't know, like, I don't know if I'm gonna have a bonfire yet, or if I'm gonna like burn them in a so motif fashion and then sit with these things that have brought me joy or gratitude over the past year. This happening under a full moon is gorgeous. It's like bringing together all these things that I've harvested over the past year and just letting them go into the ether, setting myself up for the new year. And so, anyways, it's just something you can practice. And I'll try to post a picture of the jar on our Instagram and Patreon because I kind of like decorated it really cute. But, anyways, I kept it kind of short because we have a lot to get to. But did you have any other last thoughts, Jordan? I remember you talking about this jar.
SPEAKER_00:I think you mentioned it in another episode.
SPEAKER_06:It might have been our orientation day.
SPEAKER_00:Oh, you think?
SPEAKER_06:I it was pretty or maybe it was the um, oh, I bet you it was our moon episode because I it must be every full moon. No, because I think it's my full moon practice. It's like what I do every full moon. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Okay, yeah. So check out our moon episode. But I think that's a really cool idea. And I I would like to try that too. I do, I do like the symbolism of it being your Thanksgiving and whatever that means to you and whatever culture you align with.
SPEAKER_06:Yeah, I think also Taurus just being this like very grounded fixed sign. It's I think having a gratitude practice can be very grounding. It kind of like sets you up in your space and is like, okay, like here I am. I am present in this moment, and here are the things that like make me happy to be here. I think that is like a very Taurus-y vibe.
SPEAKER_00:I was also gonna say, um, November 5th is me and my partner's anniversary, and I have Taurus in seventh house, a spouse.
SPEAKER_04:Snap, that's so cute!
SPEAKER_00:Oh my gosh. Are you guys gonna do anything special? I don't know. Um, we're kind of in like a money saving mode right now, so I don't know.
SPEAKER_04:I mean, doesn't have to be spending money to have like a little, I don't know, do a ritual.
SPEAKER_06:Were you gonna say bonfire? Yeah, light everything on fire. We could just have a little bit of arson, you know.
SPEAKER_00:Cheeky little cry.
SPEAKER_06:The the actual thought in my head was I'm gonna tell Jordan I have a bonfire, but then I'm like, can't you have a bonfire?
SPEAKER_00:I sure cannot.
SPEAKER_05:I guess, yeah. I don't know, light a candle. Can you do that? I can do that. Light a lot of candles.
SPEAKER_06:Well, that that might be practice some sex magic. Really good time to practice sex magic. Like partner, I I mean, I'm all about sex magic, like solo. Could be a cool time. You got the moon by your side, anyways. Yeah, my mom wants to.
SPEAKER_04:Hi, Jordan. Hi, Mom. I think we should get into our interviews.
SPEAKER_06:Hello everyone. I am absolutely ecstatic to be here with three beautiful women that are actually about to each enter one of three Saturn returns. So, as Jordan and I discussed what a Saturn return is, we now actually have like three generations of women in these different Saturn returns. And we are here today to interview, discuss, talk about life. Um, and this is just like such a pleasure and an honor to be um conducting this interview today. So, hi everyone. I think to like start us off, I was hoping that maybe we can start with each of you and go through and you can tell me a little bit about who you are and kind of like where you're at in life.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, I'll kick it off. Again, I'm also just really excited to be here for this. I think this is like a really special thing that we are documenting here, and I'm so excited that Keone and Churchill are here to join us. I am starting my first Saturn return. I turned 27 a couple months ago. Where I'm at in life, I'm at the part of life where like you don't have a lot of money and you're stumbling through. I am at the beginning of my career. I am figuring out what I even want to do. What do I want to do with this career? Do I want a different career? I am thinking about parenthood and if I'll ever buy a house someday. Kioni, do you want to follow up?
SPEAKER_01:Absolutely. Thank you both for having us here today. My name is Keoni and I am entering my second Saturn return. I think the easiest way for me to characterize this period of time is one of crossroads. The career has been very prosperous and long, and I'm looking at what comes after that. I have been a homeowner, so I understand where you are, Jordan, and I'm looking on how to downsize, obviously, and what happens in that realm next for me. And then the third thing that I am also gearing toward and getting my thoughts around are what do the next several years look like for me? How do I want to show up in the world? So I have big questions, but all excellent questions that I am super ready to take on with excitement.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, I love that.
SPEAKER_06:I love that. And just so you all know, um, Keoni is one of two lovely, amazing podcast hosts for the Mystical Mermaid Lounge. So we're just gonna shout that out here. Um, if you have not listened to the Mystical Mermaid Lounge yet, definitely, definitely check it out.
SPEAKER_01:Thank you, ma'am.
SPEAKER_05:All right, Churchill, I'm so excited that you're here with us.
SPEAKER_02:I don't know. I'm starting in my third. I'm the old lady of the bunch. I'm excited to be here. Don't know what to expect, don't know what to say.
SPEAKER_03:That's okay.
SPEAKER_02:I came from a very bad background. Then I got in my 30s and had all my kids, seven. And then my husband passed away three years ago. So I'm starting the last part of it that is very I'm at ease and I'm at peace. Finally, I'm at peace with myself and the world and everybody around me. And that's about it. That's awesome. That's major. That's the point.
SPEAKER_01:I think yeah, that's the point.
SPEAKER_06:Yeah. Thank you for sharing that with us, Churchill. Like I said, I am just so so thrilled to have the three of you here. This is so special. I am ready to kind of just kick it off. Like I mentioned, if there's questions that we kind of just want to skip around, whatever you want to do, definitely feel free to let me know. But the first question I wanted to ask you three is when do you feel like adulthood really begins? Right. Like we kind of talk about that first satin return being there. Keone just put her head down. Uh so yeah. So like that's like kind of like the first Saturn return, right? But like when do you feel like adulthood really begins? And and maybe like even what did that look like for you?
SPEAKER_00:When do I feel like adulthood starts? I definitely don't think 18. I don't think I think 21, I think I think 25 is when like adulthood starts when you know the brain's finished doing its thing. Um I but I don't know if you rent a car. Yeah, right. I don't know. For me, I feel like it was when you know I got my first apartment. I think that was like that was an adulthood marker for me. What do you what do you two think?
SPEAKER_06:Curious, Jordan, when you got that first apartment. Were you moving in alone? Were you moving in with someone? With my partner, Brendan.
SPEAKER_00:And we're still together now. That was um, I was 22, 21. I was 21. So I guess maybe I did think adulthood started a little at 21. I was 21, we got our first apartment. Awesome.
SPEAKER_01:And what about you, Keoni? So the reason I hung my head, it was not hanging in shame. Um there was a giggle there. There was a giggle. Um, I think I hung my head because the question is more profound than you may even realize, because adulthood means different things. I think when you're Jordan's age, adulthood means practical things, getting things, attaining things. I want my degree, I want a place to live, I want to have a partner, I want, I want you're attaining, right? We're we're in Western culture.
SPEAKER_00:You're nailing it.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. When you're it at my age and looking back, I think adulthood had been happening all along, but I thought it was going to be a profound moment when I felt mature and I realized that maturity has nothing to do with it. Adulthood is a state of mind, and in our culture, is a state of paying bills.
SPEAKER_00:That's so true. I definitely feel like I'm marking it by like when I was financially independent.
SPEAKER_01:So absolutely, like it's the attainment time period. Yeah. And then once you have your attaining, what's next? So there was a definite letdown. I was like, I had a great career. I had this, my kids are out of the house, and now what? And I realize all this adulting I'd been doing was actually just attaining. So I'm interested.
SPEAKER_06:So profound. And now makes me like really wonder how that would how that answer might change in a very like non-capitalist society. Right.
SPEAKER_01:I think that's that was exactly where I was going with that, Ember, because in a non-capitalist society, is it caring for others? Is it you've now been handed the keys to the home and it's now your responsibility? I I don't know, but it's hard for us not to think this way because this is where we've been. So I'm waiting for the moment of maturity to hit me, but in the meantime, I'll just keep paying my bills.
SPEAKER_02:Mine was when the day I woke up, I was in my late 20s. I had five kids, and all of a sudden I was they are all I had. It was just me and them against the world. That's when I thought I'm an adult, I have to stand up, pull on my big girl panties, and get a job. And uh that's what an adult was to make. So, like relying on yourself. Yeah, I had to, yeah, yeah, to keep a roof over their heads, food and their belly, and be a mom.
SPEAKER_06:Yeah, that's so hard because I think, you know, no matter what age you're at, sometimes you're just forced to. Like, no matter, you know, you could be 11 years old and put in a situation that it's just kind of like I have to put on my big girl panties and do this. And so, Jordan, when you asked me, I was like, I don't really know because there was definitely situations when I was younger that felt very adult and probably things that I shouldn't have been experiencing as a child. And then you ask that question, I'm like, Am I even in adulthood right now?
SPEAKER_05:Like, I don't even know. Like, I still feel like a kid all the time.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. Um, so I don't know. That's I think it's interesting. The the older that we get and stuff, the uh the older, you know, when people will say they'll refer to kids, the older we are, the older that marker is. Like people will call, like people in their 50s might call 25-year-olds kids. I think that's kind of interesting that our bar of what a kid is keeps going up and up and up.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, it's like the definition continues to live with us and grow with us as opposed to kid stops at an age.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, that's a good way to put it.
SPEAKER_02:I was an adult, probably at four years old. I took care of myself. My mother didn't care, she was gone. And the neighbors, man downstairs, would whistle and I'd get up in the morning, I'd go down, he'd come my hair, the other neighbor would feed me, the other neighbor would make sure I was okay. So I was doing things that and during the war, the air raids, they would come the civil defense men and turn on the lights, they'd come and turn off the lights, turn off the fires, pull the curtains, then come back and redo it. So I was grown up before I was grown up.
SPEAKER_04:So wow.
SPEAKER_01:Did you think that did you feel like in looking back at it, like you were having to adult or assume an adult position before you were ready? Oh, yes. I had to take care of myself. So it was taking totally taking care of yourself.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. Yeah. I had the first instant oatmeal. I wasn't allowed to turn on fires. So I put the raw oatmeal in my cup, get water out of the spigot, and stir it and put lots of sugar, and that was my oatmeal. So oh my gosh. Churchill, can you tell us like what time period that was? 19. Well, I was born in 3938. Okay. So uh from the time about 42, 43. So definitely World War II. Oh, yeah, I would watch them. They would bring the soldiers, uh, prisoners, and park in front of our apartment, and the soldiers would go in and get a beer and whatever, and the the prisoners were there, and they took them to Kenzu Dam, is where they had the prison. And I would watch that until the civil patrol would come up and close my curtains.
SPEAKER_01:You were walking from your apartment.
SPEAKER_02:I was walking out the window.
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Where were you, Churchill?
SPEAKER_06:Like, where was that?
SPEAKER_02:Oil City, Western Pennsylvan Pennsylvania.
SPEAKER_06:Oh wow. Little town.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. Little town north of Pittsburgh, right? Yes, yes.
SPEAKER_06:Wow. Um kind of, I guess, like maybe jumping off of that then. And I'm curious, like, what did success mean when you were younger? So, you know, and and maybe I'm gonna I'm gonna jump to Churchill first since we kind of, you know, ended there. But Churchill, I'm curious, like with that experience and everything you were going through, like what did success look like to you? And then maybe how has that changed to today?
SPEAKER_02:Success was I always wanted a mom and dad, somebody that cared. I was a good girl. I didn't do anything bad, so I thought, well, I did a lot of things bad, but as a little kid, I just wanted to be good. Maybe my mom would stay home, and that would be success in in that area. And as I got older, it was just growing up, getting a job, taking care of myself, and having a home.
SPEAKER_06:And and how about now?
SPEAKER_02:No, I think I'm successful. I'm happy, I'm at peace, and I forgive a lot of things that happened.
SPEAKER_05:Oh, I did not think I'd be getting emotional. I'm like, period. Okay.
SPEAKER_06:Oh goodness. Okay. Uh how about I guess since we're going backwards now, Keoni, what about you? What did success mean to you when you were younger and how does that look like now?
SPEAKER_01:So because I grew up super, super poor, success to me was what we were talking about earlier. Like you, Jordan, was attaining. I didn't want to struggle. I did not want my kids to have to have a reduced lunch. I did not want to shop at missions anymore. So as a kid, like I wanted to be able to pay for my own lunch full price. So I started to work when I was 14. So to me, starting working so early, I kept thinking success would come to me when I felt financially like I wasn't looked down on as being poor anymore. So that's what it used to mean. What it means now is completely different. And I am not romanticizing poverty. Poverty is scarring. It is a dearth on anybody that has to survive it. So this is not a romantic, oh look, we were poor, but we didn't know it. Oh hell, we knew it. But what I will say is success now is being authentic, no matter what I have in my pocket. And right now I got paid from working with my friend Pam, selling a whole lot of hot dogs to old sweaty people.
SPEAKER_02:Men, men, old sweaty men. Sweaty men eating hot dogs.
SPEAKER_01:Welcome to America. So I am successful as I would have considered myself to be at 12. And I am living more authentically every day.
SPEAKER_02:I started at working at nine years old. I babysat 25 cents an hour. And you were a secretary at yeah, I was a secretary at Ford, the one neighbor that took care of me, had a gas station, and I'd go over to Al's, and he'd set me up in his desk and give me pencil and paper, and I got 50 cents a week. I couldn't even write, but what would you do with the 50 cents? I spent it on candy.
SPEAKER_06:What was your favorite candy? Like, what was like your go-to candy?
SPEAKER_02:My go-to candy was the little butter um loot beer. Oh, I love girls.
SPEAKER_00:Oh yes, how many could you get for 50 cents?
SPEAKER_02:Oh my gosh, that 50 cents last me until the next payday. Wow. Oh till she was five years old. But I think my first success when my son he graduated, he said, Mom, he said, I never knew how poor we were until I got married. So that made me feel good.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:How about you, Jordan? Okay, so I guess I'll refer to when I was a kid, I think I saw success as I think like doing it, you know, in the order that you're supposed to. I I don't think I was ever interested. I didn't really follow like you have to get married before having kids, but I was kind of like, you go to college, you get your job, you buy a house, you get married, you have a kid, and that's success. And it's interesting when we, uh, Keoni, when you were talking about earlier, you were obtaining and obtaining, and then you were kind of like, what next? And I I was thinking about this a little bit earlier, and I felt the I somewhat feel a little bit that same way where I I kind of pictured that you have all of this. Like when I was a kid, I pictured you have all of this when you're 30. And then, like, not that your life is over, but like you've done everything and now you just get to enjoy it. And obviously it's not like that. I think today I define I s I still kind of look a little bit to like when you have the career that you wanted, when you make enough money. I think success is when you get to have an easy life. And I'm sure like, you know, happiness plays into that. Like, obviously, if you're happy, I think that plays into success. But I think it's much easier to be happy if your life is easy.
SPEAKER_06:Yeah. You know, looking back, there's definitely, I don't even know, like, there's definitely times in life that maybe like were easier than others. But I do sometimes think like getting through those hard times, like felt successful, like to be where I am right now. I don't think I would have been able to do that if I didn't go through those like hard times and came out, I guess, successful on the other side of being like a, I don't even know, a functional person.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. And there to put it too, like there is no easy without hard, I guess. Like if you don't have one side, you're not gonna have the other.
SPEAKER_06:Yeah, that's definitely true. So I guess if now that we're talking about easy, hard, this I think this will be a good question. What is something that used to feel impossible or something you thought you would never get through? So, what was that hard for you? And like, how do you look back on that today? Jordan, do you want to start us off?
SPEAKER_00:Okay. It's funny. When I wrote this question, I was like, I can't wait to hear their answers because I don't know. Um something really hard. This question's hard. Yeah, I didn't think I'd get through this. The biggest thing that comes to mind is I can't believe I'm talking about this. I've talked about it with some of you before, but when I was younger, I was in a really bad car accident. And because of that, I never got my license and I don't drive, and it like uh impedes my everyday life. I feel we're bringing it up because I haven't gotten through it yet, but I have been doing EMDR therapy and some major breakthroughs have happened. So I think while I'm not through it yet, I I think it's a good example because I have always assumed that I never would. I've pictured my life never being able to drive. I've planned my life never being able to drive, and I'm like starting to be able to picture it, maybe driving, maybe. Oh my gosh.
SPEAKER_06:Well, thank you for sharing that, Jordan, because I definitely know that was um not easy for you to share with us. And also that's the first time I'm hearing about the therapy, and that's amazing.
SPEAKER_00:I know, I don't talk about this stuff.
SPEAKER_06:Yeah, that's that's amazing, Jordan. I'm that makes me really happy. And oh, I just keep getting chills like over and over again in this conversation. All right, Keoni, what about you? So, what is something that used to feel impossible or something you thought you would never get through, and how do you look back on that today?
SPEAKER_01:There are two things. As a female, I'm sure many of us can relate to the fact that I never thought I would ever be thin enough or pretty enough or smart enough or any of the enoughs to be enough. I just kept thinking it'll happen, it'll happen. And I kept waiting for that moment to be enough on the outside and the inside. And it's interesting if you live your life with that in the back of your mind, the older you get, the more those superficial things start slipping away. And you realize you spent your whole life wishing you had something that you had. And now it's leaving. So it's a very interesting juxtaposition. And it's not as sad as it sounds. It's almost like a gosh, you wasted all that energy worrying about that stuff, right? Um, my really terrible, absolutely horrendous time uh was when my son was suicidal and killing himself and in and out of institutions. And I did not think I would survive that. And I did not start to talk about that until six months ago because it was too painful and it was too real, and I didn't want to be that guy. I didn't want to be that guy that had that kid, that 31-year-old kid. And Jordan knows my story. So that will haunt me forever, and I will never be able to lay it down fully. But what I have now learned getting through it on the other side is that everyone has a journey, and that my journey was to survive his potentially not surviving, and that is his choice at the end, whatever that looks like for him. But that took me 15 years to get to.
SPEAKER_06:Wow. I'm just gonna like sit with that. Yeah, I just that's so powerful. I mean, for so many reasons, right? There's so much there. There's dealing with loss, there's grief and the fear, fear, and this is you know your child. I wanna ask, Yoni, like, how has that has that I mean that had to have impacted like other aspects of your life now and and the lessons you've learned from that and like what you've learned? And I'm just wondering, like, what what is your takeaway for that now? Like for people going through like that sort of grief, what would you tell them?
SPEAKER_01:You know, it's interesting you use the word grief because my son is alive, but I will always grieve, especially when he's mentally ill, the loss of the normal kid he could be when he's medicated. So that is what is called ambiguous loss because the child is not dead, the child is not alive. It's a liminal space. What I would say is, and that's really hard because no one knows what to say to that, right? You know what to say to somebody when someone passes or when someone's born. But what do you say when someone's son is homeless or when someone's son is walking around talking to imaginary, well, they're not imaginary, but bipolar psychosis hallucinations, right? Oh, how many people have your son, you know, how many people has your son been talking to today? Oh, he's clocked in three so far. I mean, what do you say to that? Yeah, so it's really super hard to be in a spot like that. But what I can say is the way through it is finding people that you can be authentic with and they're not going to be judgmental, but they know how to hold space for you. Meaning they're not running up to solve a problem, they're not saying, Oh my God, I don't know what to say, or don't worry, you'll get past it. All the stupid things we say to each other just because we don't know what to say, they just hold space. And so for someone who is going through something that horrendous, I would say find out why you're really here. Because if you live for someone else, including your children, you will never have peace. Find out why is your why, you know, what is your why? Yeah, and then surround yourself with authentic people that when they need to talk, they can hear it and you can say it. And it's not anything but just saying what you need to say.
SPEAKER_00:That's gotta be a really, really difficult lesson for a lot of people to learn like that your life is not just about your kids. It's a very hard lesson. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Because you you were were programmed, right? You you don't, and I remember when I was first pregnant, my mom said, these oh this person will be your priority, but not your life. And you remember that. And it was a foreshadow of something that I had couldn't even have fathomed would be so terribly devastating. But it is one of the slivers of wisdom that helped me hang on.
SPEAKER_06:Thank you for sharing that with us, Keoni. That is, I don't have words. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:And it's also that whole thing where you, you know, while we have an experience this thing, like so many other people do, like you are not alone in this. Other people have experiences, and I hope that someone else is gonna find this and know that, like, you know, they are not alone in that experience because along with suicidal, like, you know, people have a lot of issues with kids who become alcoholics or drug addicts, and the fear that that comes with, and again, like the grief of who they were before that and who they might be becoming or who they could become. I think I think that gets roped in here, and that can be very, very scary. And I think that's kind of the point of this question is sort of that acknowledgement that like you really can get through things. And when you're in the middle of it, it feels like you can't, you cannot see on the other side, but people do get through things.
SPEAKER_01:And I I appreciate that, Jordan. And I want to witness the fact that going through something like a car accident or something that is so earth-shatteringly life-changing at such a young age can change your trajectory from that point forward. So a lot of people live with that anxiety and live with that fear and don't address it. And it can paralyze them. And so the fact that you said, nope, you know what? I'm not going down without a fight here. And I hate to use fight terms because it makes it sound like we're in opposition with the world, right? It's more like I've learned something about myself. This happened to me. This is not defining me. So I am Jordan, I can drive when I'm ready to do it. And so I witnessed that strength and courage that that takes for you to face that incredible anxiety. My father had agoraphobia, so he would not leave the home. So I have lived and seen what panic like that can do to someone. So I really do witness you in that. Thank you guys.
SPEAKER_06:And Churchill, we're gonna end this question with you about what is something that used to feel impossible or something you thought you would never get through. And how do you look back on that today?
SPEAKER_02:I'm not gonna answer that. I'm just gonna say, I'm glad I was able to forgive. That's all I'm gonna say. I think fair enough.
SPEAKER_06:Yeah, I think the this conversation is just it's absolutely stunning me. I mean, the you know, we all talked, we kind of like didn't really know what was what was gonna happen in this conversation. I am learning so much from each of you, and I am just very grateful to be here and and just like witness and hearing this. And thank you for letting me like lead this also and ask you guys questions.
SPEAKER_01:And this is just you're doing a great job.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, you're mixing between my like tears.
SPEAKER_01:Get a bunch of women together and look like a glass of wine.
SPEAKER_05:I try with my singer candle.
SPEAKER_06:Oh my goodness. My next question for you, we're gonna we're gonna get into a little bit more like abstract questions if the questions weren't hard enough. What is your relationship with time? And and you can take that question to mean however you want it to mean. So, Jordan, I will start that with you.
SPEAKER_00:I think it's interesting that you prefaced with like, take that however you want, because when I when I had the question, I was trying to think of my own answer and like I couldn't. And then I had I kind of like let myself think a little bit more abstractly, which I don't think my answer is abstract, but just like it allowed me to think a little bit more about what what do I think about time in my relationship with it? And like, I, you know, it just always feels like there's not enough. There is a part of me that is hoping that Keoni and Churchill will follow up with maybe that feeling goes away, but I feel like it probably doesn't. I feel like you probably always feel like there isn't enough time. There isn't enough time for your priorities, there isn't enough time for your hobbies, there isn't enough time for your health. It's hard to find the time for everything, and especially going back to like, you know, living in a capitalist world where we all just have to work at least 40 hours a week, which is like what, a third of our lives or something. There's just never enough time. So I think time is anxiety inducing. How do you feel, Keone?
SPEAKER_01:My take is that by the time you're at my age, you realize that you were rushed and that the things that you should have made time for, you did it. So, what I would say to anybody out there who is feeling rushed and like their priorities are running their life is to really think about what matters at the very end of the day, what matters because I worked 80 to 130 hours a week for 10 years. I missed almost every baseball game, every soccer game, every piano recital, you name it. And I did that to chase away poverty. So I fought my own battle and started another one. So think about that. But because I can't go back in time, and time is a construct anyway, how I get through that is to say every day is exactly where I need to be. And that's all I can do. So I learned a lot by realizing I wasted a lot of time on the things that I would have done differently.
SPEAKER_00:I feel like a lot of people can relate to that. And then also the trauma that poverty leaves on you has that longer-term effect.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, you definitely spend your life being beholden to something that what is what is that saying? There are two ways that you can be tied down. One is to try to fight it, and the other one is to constantly run from it. And so I feel like I did those two things with poverty and then ended up losing sight at, you know, during periods of time of what now I wish I had reprioritized. But it's very easy to say that from a scenario where I'm not financially stable enough to be able to say, I wish I had done that. So that cyclical thinking is not lost on me. There's always a balance.
SPEAKER_02:Then you get my age. And every day you thank God that you wake up and you just enjoy it. Just enjoy every day, like it's your last day. And the next day, enjoy that day. That's what time is. Peace.
SPEAKER_06:Churchill, how do you enjoy your day? What is like your ideal day?
SPEAKER_02:I get up at 10:30. Oh, I love that. I go up earlier, 10:30. I eat my breakfast, I watch TV. Oh, and I make my bed before I leave the bedroom. And just do whatever I want. That's it. Yeah. I love that. Yeah, but that's after working a long time. I retired at 74. So I know where your girls are coming from. Work, work, work. But enjoy it. Have fun. Don't just work.
SPEAKER_05:I'm curious. What TV show are you? Oh.
SPEAKER_02:Do you want to talk about the TV?
SPEAKER_05:What TV show are you watching, Churchill?
SPEAKER_02:No, yeah, no, tell us what TV show do you watch? I watch all the judge shows. Oh, I should have been a lawyer. I mean like a Judge Judy fan. Oh, I am a Judge Judy fan. No Judge Marilyn. All of them. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Do you remember Judge Wapner? Yes. I remember the start of it all. He was the start of it all. It was like the judicial reality show, like kickoff with Judge Wapner after Wapner's court. In Rusty, the bailiff. And she's an avid reader. Yes, I read all the time.
SPEAKER_00:Oh, what do you read?
SPEAKER_02:Anything. What are you reading? I like all the Amish. I like the other Einstein. If you haven't read that book, please read it. Okay. It's about his second wife. It's fantastic. I just read whatever. Serial boxes.
SPEAKER_06:Do you ever read sexy romance novels? Do you ever read the sexy romance novels? Of course. Yeah.
SPEAKER_05:Those are my favorite.
SPEAKER_02:That was in the 60s.
SPEAKER_05:Oh my goodness. Someone was telling me about the sexy romance novels. They have they would have to get them like it was like a box that would like get shipped to their house and like they would be coming like a brown paper.
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Wow, you read that too. Luckily, I was too poor to afford that type of reading material. We were way too po for the uh for the paper bag type of uh for deliveries. Good for you, mama. Yeah, every person should keep reading. Keep reading, don't keep reading.
SPEAKER_02:Whatever it is you read, keep reading. People say they don't read. I don't like to read. What do you do? If you don't read, you're so lonely. You pick up a book, you can do and be anywhere you want to be.
SPEAKER_01:Plus, we were talking about travel, right? If you can't travel, you're not well, you don't have the finances. You read or watch judge shows.
unknown:Or watch judge shows.
SPEAKER_00:Two of life's pleasures. Right. Right. Right. Um, I was going to ask, how do you, I just kind of came up with this, but how do you feel like, if at all, how did COVID like affect your relationship with time?
SPEAKER_02:Mine. It didn't affect me at all. My husband was ill, so we were in. I was taking care of him, and it was here and it was gone. Wow. Yeah. I was one of the lucky ones that didn't have to worry about getting to work, being around people. So if you can call that being lucky, but yeah, it didn't impact your life too much. Yeah, I didn't have to worry about being out, bringing it back home to him.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, I was considered, I'm very fortunate, I was considered an essential worker, but I was able to work from home. The way that my time got reshifted with that was really figuring out time management with technology. And that sounds crazy, but when you are pre-COVID, right? Nobody had the hookups or the bandwidth that we did now. Nobody had T4 lines coming out of their home. So working around that was super interesting. And for the first eight months, I would say I enjoyed the downtime. And then after that, I started to go a little stir crazy. How about you, Jordan?
SPEAKER_00:I thought of it because I was I was thinking about how you, Keoni, said that you were working like 80 to 130 hours a week. I never worked that much, but I did use to, I used to work 80 hours a week at some point. And I don't think I could do that today. And I feel like COVID, like, I mean, I would do what I had to kind of thing, just like anybody does, but I feel like COVID changed how I spend my time and how much time I require to myself that I didn't used to require. Um, so I was curious if anyone else related to that. Or Ember, how did COVID affect your relationship with time?
SPEAKER_06:Yeah, Jordan, you and I have talked about this a little bit as far as like the amount of time. And and I don't know if this was a transition because during COVID, it was like the transition from my 20s to 30s. I I just need more alone time now. Like I really need time, you know, during COVID, it was I was studying for like my veterinary boards exam, like my specialty boards exam. Um, so I was a vet at that point. I had like finished my residency or was finishing my residency when COVID started. Yeah, it just was a little bit shocking. Like there was a lot of work from home, a lot of a lot of changing. You know, I was an essential employee. I still need to go to work, but just everything changed, like how relationships, how you interacted with people. I think in some ways it definitely strengthened maybe some long distance relationships, because in some ways we all had to be long distance.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah.
SPEAKER_06:Um, so I kind of learned how to maintain those relationships, I think better, but also like relied on them less. Like everybody had so much they were work like working through, whether it was fear for themselves, fear for family, trying to, you know, whether or not they still had a job. Like there was just so much happening. And I think all of us just I did feel very like supported during COVID. I had like a really good support system, I guess, where we would like, I don't know, we would like get online and like play video games together and stuff. Like we just there was a lot. Like, I don't know what I would have done if there was no like technology at that time to be able to connect me with people. I am I need people, I also need my alone time, but I also need people. And so, like, if I had just been in my house and like not able to couldn't like contact people, I don't know. That would have been very different.
SPEAKER_00:But yeah, I've heard of people too who like during COVID lived completely alone. And like I lived with my I have a whole thing. My I was just about to graduate college when COVID hit. I had just moved to my apartment in the city. I was excited to be around my friends again, and then COVID hit and they all went back home, which was very unfortunate. But I lived with my partner Brendan, and I I know some people who had also just gotten an apartment and they lived completely alone. I don't know. I feel like I couldn't have done it without at least living with Brendan. So that's interesting to think about. Yeah.
SPEAKER_06:I think along the lines of this question, something that we have here when we're talking about time, and I think what we've kind of talked a little bit about is sometimes there's like fear associated with time and time passing and this like negativity around getting older. Like we're in this society that sometimes like getting older, there's all these ads out there being like, oh, like look younger, do this. Like there's fear around getting older that just permeates in society. One of the questions I would like to ask each of you is how do you feel about getting older? Jordan, would you like to start? Sure.
SPEAKER_00:I think this kind of goes into like a generational question too, where I think there is a push to to try to not, especially on women, to try not to push a fear of aging as much as it used to be pushed. It's still there, but I think there's there's a huge push in general to accept your individuality and accept who you are if you want to and to not have to conform. And so, like I said, that fear is not gone, but I do try to, I try to look at it as like the things that you gain from being older, like the wisdom that you get, the hopeful, you know, the peace that you feel about certain things, the comfort that you might have about different things. I think about um like my grandma who got her nursing degree in her early 60s, and you know, the way that she's kind of shown that like you can really do anything at any age, and that, and she's um she has switched careers quite a few times. And I definitely, when I was younger, I kind of thought you get your career and you do that until you're 70. So to see an example of like, you know, your age doesn't have to stop you from doing what you want to do. I try to focus on that. I just try to think of the things that I've gained. I try to think of the the wisdom that I gain. Ember, you and I have talked about like, you know, when you're older, sometimes you have a little bit more money than you had at like the age of 20 and like the stuff that you gain. I think that's what I just try to focus on is what you gain from being older. Fioni or Churchill, what about you?
SPEAKER_01:I am struggling with that. I think it's probably because when you start to see youthful things disappear, but you still feel youthful. It's difficult to reconcile that. I never thought I would be this age. This sounded ancient to me, right? When I was your age. So to even say that I'm 57 feels like uh somebody put that in my mouth and now I gotta spit it out. So there's a there's definitely a sadness and a loss around that, the loss of youthfulness with that number. But I don't feel any less youthful. So as as long as I can stay healthy and active and keep my mind totally engaged and show up for the world how I want to show up, then my relationship with getting older, I think, will limp along as as best as I can expect it to. Age is only a number.
SPEAKER_02:The only time I feel old is when I walk past a mirror and I see an old lady in there, and I walk back and say, Who are you? You know, I do. That's my point. Just enjoy it. Do what you can, what you can't do, you don't do, but you never get older. And I'm full of wisdom. Just ask me. I have an answer for everything, not the right one, but an answer. Channeling that crone energy. I love that right. So just enjoy your age, whatever you are, and just go on and be happy.
SPEAKER_01:And yeah, I think if you I definitely believe you put intentions around things. So if you put an intention around a number and have that number define you, it can be a very self-limiting belief. So that's why I choose to focus on how I feel as opposed to that label. 57, 87. What's the difference? A couple years?
SPEAKER_02:No, she wants to be able to do that.
SPEAKER_06:It's it's funny you bring up intention. One of the questions I have here is about what do you think about legacy? And is leaving a legacy important to you? And I think that can be something that you intentionally do, right? Like you can you can have an intention to leave a legacy behind, or it can be something that happens like over time, and that is your legacy, or you could have never even thought about it before. And so my question is what do you think about legacy? Is leaving a legacy important to you? Is it even important to you? Uh, and if so, like what would you want to leave behind?
SPEAKER_03:We'll go first.
SPEAKER_00:You're first. So I think I think legacy is such a big word. And we kind of think of like people who get written down in history books, but legacy, you know, doesn't have to be that big. You know, you you have a legacy within your family, maybe within your community, and just the people who knew you carry on your legacy. They carry on your memory and the things that you did leave behind. So I don't necessarily have a desire to be so big that I'm written in a history book. I think I do, I have a desire for how I wish to be remembered, how I what it what I want to leave behind. I have a desire to be of service, and that's kind of it. I want to be remembered as someone who is compassionate and helpful and who made some kind of difference to somebody. I don't even think I need to feel like I made a difference to a huge community, but just that like I made some difference, and that's or even, you know, one of my big passions is animal welfare and feeling like I made a difference to animals. Yeah, I think it's just how I want people to remember me, but I don't need a huge legacy. What do you think, Yoni?
SPEAKER_01:I love this question because you're right, it's a big, it encompasses a lot of things, so it has a big meaning attached to it. And I have seen people my age and Churchill's age who lived to leave behind a financial and familial legacy. And I could not think that is a bigger piece of crap to live for, to live for something that uh you will never remotely see. And the people that I see that do this, so let me let me uh put this in context. The people that I see do this forego their lives to leave a legacy. So if it's important to you to leave to your family, but you are not struggling on the daily, that makes sense to me if that's a priority. But the people that I have seen that I I know somebody who literally told me they had$750,000 in the bank, but they were struggling and could not go out and join me for breakfast. And I asked why. And they said, I don't have any money. Why? Because I don't have any disposable income. But you're sitting on almost a million dollars in the bank, but that's for my son. Your son is 22. So let me let me put that in context. So anybody that wants to leave money to their families, great, I'm I'm all for it. But I'm just saying to live for someone else's life and to forgo your own happiness, whatever that means to you, just seems really misplaced, in my opinion. Everything is energy, and I want to leave a resonance of love and a resonance of higher awareness and consciousness behind. Because if we can emanate that to every plant, to every person, to every animal, that is the legacy that will continue to resonate through anything and and anyone. So I look at it like be the healing to the planet while you're here. So it continues to carry on.
SPEAKER_00:Makes me think like, you know, the land remembers that we're always hearing. The land remembers. So the the legacy, the resonance that you leave in the in the animals, and the plants, and the earth, it it remembers for the people that live past you.
SPEAKER_01:Right. And you know how they say on or even families that go camping or whatever, they say, I want to leave this place more spotless than when I got here. Yeah, I leave no fresh. You leave your resonance, not your trash.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, that's I love. I need that on a t-shirt. Um leave your residence, not your trash. I want that on a shirt.
SPEAKER_06:No, I um, you know, I do not want currently in my life children. I don't really see that for me in the future. Will that change? I don't know. But one of the things that people inevitably say to me when I say that is, oh, but like who's gonna remember you when you're gone? And like who's, you know, and I just you're dead. You know, I but I think like it does make me think, like, oh gosh, like am I just gonna like like I don't know. Like it sends me down a path that like gets very anxiety inducing. Um, not that I care about being remembered, but more just like that idea of like, you know, lineage, I guess that like people talk a lot about lineage and um even even in you know the witchy world, lineage and ancestry and all those things. And I'm like, wow, I'm really like stopping my my bloodline, right? Like that is stopping with me. And how do I feel about that? And the way you just put that, Kioni, is just like it makes me very happy. It settles that a little bit because I'm like, you're so right. Like life is energy, and if I can just keep emanating that in the future and then take my body and like plant it under some tree, like I will be very at peace with that.
SPEAKER_01:Absolutely. The Buddhists say, When I come into your life, you are not here to make me whole, I am here to be the best person I can be for you. So it changes the relationship we have with others, right?
SPEAKER_04:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:So as soon as you say, Oh, I'm here to be the best person I can be to my friends, to my family, to the planet, then your legacy has already been mapped out.
SPEAKER_00:I think also, like, and I know you know this, but like ancestry is so much more than just your bloodline. And I know, like, you know, literally when we're studying history, you know, we're gonna refer to bloodline history, but there is, you know, the communities that you're a part of and the legacy you leave in those communities. So even if we talk about like your burlesque dancing and the stuff that you show up with in that way, that's something that will be left behind that other people will be able to find forever. And that is a community, and you will be their ancestors in that way. And that's your legacy. That is a legacy.
SPEAKER_01:Right, that joy, that art, that flow, that movement, that that vi high vibrational frequency that that movement alone leaves behind is your legacy.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
SPEAKER_05:Thanks, guys.
SPEAKER_01:I guess I don't need kids.
SPEAKER_02:What's your legacy, Turchel? Oh my. Well, for all the kids I have, I have enough for all of us. So I just wanna now she tells me. Yeah. I need to skip back 31 years. I just want uh my children to know how much they were loved and how much I respect them. They've all done great in their lives, and I'm so proud of them. So being a part of each one of them, that's my legacy. That's awesome.
SPEAKER_06:All right, I have another another big one. So we're kind of winding down with our interview now. So we're kind of this this is gonna be a little bit of a big one, okay? So do you feel like your life has a specific purpose? And do you feel like that's changed over time? Jordan, would you like to start? Sure. No, I don't feel like I have a specific purpose.
SPEAKER_00:I thought about it a bit before this, and I don't know if I believe everyone has one purpose. I don't know. That just kind of doesn't resonate with me. I maybe some people do, maybe some people have a thing that they were put here to do. I I'm not really sure. I keep thinking too about the conversation that we've had about. Your life is not just about your kids. That's kind of like come up a few times here. And I know my mom, and she's gonna listen to this. My mom has always said that her purpose was to be parents to me and my brother, or to be a mom to me and my brother. And the thing that I always think about with that is she she had us young. She had me at 18 and my brother, I think she was 20. And we're grown up and out of the house. And I don't know how she feels about that now. I don't know if she feels like she's completed her purpose. I don't know if she's kind of in a place of like, well, what do I do now? She's um, I think she 2025. What year is it? 2025. She's turning 45 next in like two weeks. Hi, mom. Um but obviously she's supposed to have so much life left to live. What does she does she feel like that that purpose is completed? And all I have to say is that I just don't think that everyone has one specific purpose.
SPEAKER_01:I think our purpose is to show up, just as I mentioned with the legacy and to be the best people we can be in the best way we know how. And I I totally get what you're saying, Jordan. I was watching this special on um Billy Joel, and he is an idiot savant with music. It just is. He goes to hear classical music at 14 or even at four and comes back and just plays it back without a score without knowing how to play. So for those types of skills and abilities, absolutely that's a purpose, but that's also leaving a resonance of just awesome ability behind. And so your awesome ability to be a statistician, to be a scholar, to put your hard thinking around things, people with big brains doing wonderful things with them is a resonance that that um and a purpose that you will continue to fulfill over time. I would love to say I had like a Billy Joel type of life purpose too, but I'm just realizing that we are efforting way too hard at that. Just let it flow.
SPEAKER_06:Do you think I'm curious, Kioni, with some of your gifts and your readings that you do, do you feel like maybe you can talk a little bit about that for our listeners? Uh, and then do you feel like that is like a life purpose or a calling? I wondered about that.
SPEAKER_01:And I think there's a difference between having a life or a soul purpose and having a tool and an ability. So, what they're referencing is a couple of years ago, I was a suddenly started to see a reel of what I think were past lives related to people and essentially a soul signature attached to them. And I wondered, what am I supposed to do with this information? And so I thought about this quite a while and talked with my my mom about it. And and she has an interesting Native American perspective on these types of abilities. And my mom sees um just some mediumship ability, and that has started to happen for me as well. So we we talk about these things as well. So the the whole reason that I I bring this up is because I've realized very quickly that if I don't do something good with it, then it is a wasted tool, but not my life purpose. So if I can say to you, which I probably will on Wednesday, I know I'm so excited for my I will tell you what I see and I will tell you what I believe your soul signature, how it resonates with me. And if that gives you the jumping off point that you need for you personally, then that is the point.
SPEAKER_06:I I think that's really awesome. And again, something to just definitely make me think because I'm always I think I'm constantly searching what my purpose is. I always thought it was like, oh, I'm gonna be a veterinarian and help all these animals, and that's like my life purpose. But I have realized it's not, and I don't even know what that point was of realizing like this doesn't feel like my life purpose, like it is a job, and like you said, it's a it's a tool. The knowledge that I can use to help is incredible and so so valuable, but it I don't know what a purpose is supposed to feel like, but it doesn't feel like it.
SPEAKER_01:So you're you're here on purpose. That's it. Yeah, you're all of you are here on purpose, or else you wouldn't be here, Churchill.
SPEAKER_02:What about you? I always thought my purpose was my children, and then in 1973, I went to work at a nursing home, worked there for 49 years. My purpose was just maybe being the only hand that touched somebody or a kiss on the forehead that they didn't get. I think my purpose was just being there, just showing them a little bit of compassion and and caring. And there were some days I just wanted to go home and cry because it's so sad. Families bring them in, they leave them, don't come back until they pick up their bodies. And those are the that was my purpose. And then I became me. Now my kids have a purpose. It's the gift that keeps on giving. Yeah. I keep giving, they keep giving.
SPEAKER_06:Um no, I mean, essentially almost like a a dua, right, Churchill? Like an like a end of life just being there and holding space for these people and offering guidance.
SPEAKER_02:That's that's all they needed was a touch. What if you went all day for a week and nobody said hello, nobody touched you, nobody said, I'm glad you're here. How would we feel? Right? Then somebody comes in and says, Good morning, how are you, sunshine?
SPEAKER_04:That even makes me smile now.
SPEAKER_02:And it's all worth it. You're doing something. That's my purpose. I love that. Now I do nothing, watch judge shows.
SPEAKER_01:Watch judge shows, judge shows, judge shows. So you're good for the you're good for the viewership. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:My purpose is to keep the judges going.
SPEAKER_01:That's right. Keep the judges. I mean, we we need we need morons to continue to do moronic things so we can judge them on it.
SPEAKER_05:Yes, you need that, you need that lightness. We all need that lightness. Yes, always every day.
SPEAKER_06:I just want to thank all of you again today for being here. This conversation has been so insightful, and I keep using the word powerful, but I'm gonna say it again. I was just feeling goosebumps and so much energy from this opportunity. Um, I'm even still like I got a little goosebumps, and I'm just so excited. And I do have one last like fun question for you um before we end our interview today. And this question uh is if you were to title this Saturn return chapter of your life, what would the title be? Jordan, do you want to start?
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, I meant to come up with an answer beforehand, but man, time, I swear. If I were to chapter this first Saturn return, I'll say I'll I would title it Ascending One Way or Another. Oh, that's good. Thanks. That just came to me. Oh my god.
unknown:I need that book.
SPEAKER_00:I'm gonna put that like right above my desk or something.
SPEAKER_01:Ascending one way or another. What about you? Uh for me, I think it is live your own journey to the best of your ability. I'd say jump on and hold on tight.
SPEAKER_03:Hell yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Oh my gosh. It's a ride. Yes, it is. It's a ride. Where we end up, who knows? Be happy.
SPEAKER_05:I think that's it. Oh my god, this was like honestly, this is Thanks for being here.
SPEAKER_02:Thanks, Lady. Thank you so much for including me.
SPEAKER_00:No, thank you so much. I'm so glad you were here. I'm so glad we could fit this, and like, I'm so glad you wanted to do this because I think I think this is a really cool episode. I keep saying this, but we are collecting something really, really special here. And this again going on with like legacy, like, this is going to literally live on.
SPEAKER_06:Wow. I am so excited to be able to listen to this episode fully. Like, I me too. I'm kind of nervous. I mean, it's it was definitely what I remember is that it was it was definitely a lot. It was, it was beautiful, it was sad, it was emotional, yeah. It was very emotional. And so I am excited to see what happens when you do your editing magic and we get to put all of this together. I think it's gonna be, I mean, we've said this so many times, I think it's gonna be special. But I think yeah, I think this will be an episode that I will re-listen to. Like I do, I do listen to our episodes every single time they come out, but this one will be one that I think I'll need to play a few times and kind of like ruminate over. And I'm actually really excited to share this with my partner because after we filmed that episode, I remember just feeling very emotional and like very lit up. Like it was a very, it felt like a very important conversation. And so I went to my partner afterwards and was just like, wow, I had this amazing experience. And then I was like, I don't know how to describe it. I guess you're just gonna have to wait till you have to wait until October.
SPEAKER_00:This is one of those episodes that no matter like what it does, like whether it goes viral or not, or like how many people view it, like there's just an importance to having a record of it and archiving it. I also edit the podcast by Elise Wells' Sacred Places Podcast. And I've told her this, but and Ember, I've told you this. Some of the speakers that she's interviewed are really hard to get through editing-wise. Like there's I remember there's one person specifically who spoke very monotone, and he had just like a very soothing voice that it was very hard for me to like not fall asleep to. And there was one person who I I really struggled to edit through. But on the flip side of that, I really love being a part of this podcast because it is my part in in archiving these people's stories, no matter how many people do or don't see them, and the podcast does do pretty well, but no matter how people, how many people do or don't see them, just the important work of recording and archiving these oral histories, I think is really, really cool. And I feel the same way about this episode. Like no matter what it does, it's just kind of an important thing to do, and it's a cool thing to have a record of.
SPEAKER_06:I just got chills when you said that because you're so right.
SPEAKER_00:I mean, Churchill was sitting there talking about her experiences in World War II, and yeah, and being born around the Great Depression as well.
SPEAKER_06:Right, right, you know, like we think about that, and those stories are only gonna be around for recording for so long, right? And then they're just gone. So I'm getting like chills. I I that was I hope we can. That's why it's so special to us because we're doing, you know, something special. It feels, I think it feels meaningful. I think sometimes we like echo and we go back and forth to each other and we're talking about the planets, we're talking about astrology, and and not that that stuff's not meaningful. I think what we're doing and and archiving these lessons for people to learn for free is so important. But these stories feel just so large. And I really hope we can do more of that in the future, Jordan.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, let us know if any of you can think of any. Is there any type of interview like you want to see? I don't think our style is necessarily going to be just interviewing celebrity astrologers, but I think we enjoy, you know, these meaningful things. And I guess, you know, if we can interview people through the lens of astrology, that would be super interesting. We really truly hope that you enjoyed this episode as much as we did. In our next episode, we will finally be getting into the modern planets, which means that we're almost to the zodiac signs. That's gonna be like a whole shift. Okay. Isn't that so crazy? That's gonna be around the new year, I think, isn't it? Uranus will be mid-November, late November, Pluto will be mid-December. I think we'll be do ending December on a on Aries, I guess. Ooh, a fresh, a fresh. Or you know what? No, because I want to do I want to do one episode introducing the triplicities and quadruplicities, which is uh like the modalities and the elements, and then go into the zodiacs, but that's gonna be that's gonna be fun. We're I just feel like you know, this whole podcast has been built on the planet so far, which has been a lot of fun. Like, I I think you agree with me, Ember, that getting to know these planets the way that we have through these conversations has been like super for me, it's definitely been super spiritual. I I'm imagining you probably feel the same way.
SPEAKER_06:Yes, I feel so much more in tune with these planets that I actually kind of feel I'm like excited to do this with the zodiac because my knowledge of the different signs feels very superficial. So I'm really excited to to deep dive again because I feel so connected with these planets. Now, when I started, I really was like, I know Venus, and that's it. So this was awesome. And I'm excited to be.