I'm Perplexed

Why does life sometimes feel unclear, even when things are moving forward?

In this episode, I’m Perplexed, we explore the quiet, in-between moments where growth doesn’t feel linear, clarity comes and goes, and you find yourself questioning things you once felt sure about. From feeling “stuck” while still progressing to wanting something and then second-guessing it, this conversation unpacks the contradictions of personal growth.

If you’ve ever thought, “I thought I’d feel different by now,” this episode is for you. It’s a reminder that confusion isn’t failure it might just be awareness, transition, or growth happening in real time

Transcript

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SPEAKER_01 0:00

I'm perplexed, not in a something is wrong kind of way, but in a this is interesting kind of way. Like, why does life feel like it's moving forward and standing still at the same time? Why do I want something so badly and then question it the moment I get closer to it?

SPEAKER_00 0:20

Why do I feel stuck? Even when I know I'm not. And why does clarity come and go? As if it has somewhere else to be. I'm not overwhelmed. I'm not spiraling. I'm just noticing. Hey everyone. Welcome back. Do they call me T. I'm your host T.

SPEAKER_01 0:47

I'm really glad that you're here today. Today's episode is different. It's not heavy, I would hope. It's not a we need to fix things kind of conversation. It's more like sitting with something and trying to understand it. Lately I've been a little perplexed, to say the least. Not lost, not off track, just noticing things that don't quite add up. And I have a feeling I'm not the only one.

SPEAKER_00 1:17

So yes, let's talk about it. Let's get into it. There are moments when I sit back and I think, this doesn't add up.

SPEAKER_01 1:29

I'm doing better, but I still feel off sometimes. I'm growing, but I still repeat certain patterns. I'm clearer, but not consistently clear.

SPEAKER_00 1:39

And that's the part that confuses me the most. I really thought by now I'd feel different.

SPEAKER_01 1:48

I think I had it in my mind that when certain things changed, I will have more clarity. I'll feel at the top of my game. Like everything will just align and everything will change. You know, somehow I'd feel completely different, more sure, more settled, more certain in my decisions. Like one day something would just click and everything would make sense. But that's not what's happening. There have been moments where I've just paused and thought, wait, didn't I want this? Like I remember wanting this version of my life, wanting this growth, wanting this shift. And now I'm here. I'm not fully here, but I'm here in a place that I didn't think I would get for a while. And I'm still questioning it. Not in a bad way, just in a, why does this still feel unclear kind of way? I literally catch myself doing it in real time. I'll say, this is what I want. And then a few days later, I'm like, but is it though? And I have to laugh a little because what is that? What is that? Why am I questioning the things that I said before that I wanted? I've been asking myself, am I stuck? Or am I processing something I haven't named yet? Because those two things look very similar, but feel very different. You ever just zoom out for a second and think, what am I doing? Not in a dramatic way, just in a quiet, curious way. Like, how did I get here? Where am I going? Is this even what I want? Sometimes it's not even the big questions, it's the small ones. Like, am I doing this because I want to? Or because I've been doing it for so long. And those questions don't rush, they stay. I used to think clarity was something you arrive at. Right? Now I'm realizing it's something that visits from time to time. It comes and then it leaves again. And I think part of me really believed that at some point life would just feel clearer. Like decisions would feel obvious, direction would feel steady, but instead it feels like waves, like everything's going in waves for me. And no one really prepares you for how nonlinear growth feels. You just level up and stay there. And I'm still in that process. I was leveled up and now I'm going through some changes and I'm still getting there. But I've definitely moved into a place that I never thought I would be a few years ago. So you circle back, you revisit things, you see things differently. I know I certainly have.

SPEAKER_00 4:50

That moment where you think, haven't I already worked through this? And yet, here it is again. I think part of the confusion is we expect certainty.

SPEAKER_01 5:03

So for me, and I'm sure for other people as well, that when certain things happen, you think that everything else is going to fall in line. Like things are going to be clearer. Everything will be linear. You will get clarity along with that certainty. And that's not exactly what happens. We expect decisions to feel obvious. We expect clarity to stay. But life doesn't move like that. It's not clean, it's not linear, it doesn't wrap itself up neatly. That's just not what happens. But because you put those assumptions in your life or in life in general, that puts pressure on you. And that pressure translates into, well, panic, because if it's not happening, why isn't it happening? What did I do wrong? What's happening in my life right now? Or what is happening in this situation? Why aren't all of those pieces falling in place? And sometimes you just have to trust and believe that it will fall in place, but it doesn't always look the way you want it to look. And what if confusion isn't a setback? I think I've always thought that confusion is just like you are completely off balance, you don't know what's going on. But really, it's trying to understand something from you know a precursor, like something that you said in your mind was going to happen and it's not happening, and now you're completely confused about it. Right? So it's not a setback. What if it's awareness catching up? Maybe you're not lost. Maybe you're just in a moment that doesn't have language yet. And I would bet that that's it. I've actually had to take a step back and think about that for myself. Like nothing is going wrong per se. Maybe it's just not moving as fast as I want. It's not giving me the clarity that I thought I would have. It's keeping me stuck in these waves, and my bout of confusion is lasting longer than I expected because I thought it was going to happen one way and it hasn't. And so now it's just put me in a whole nother realm that I'm not quite understanding it. But that doesn't mean that it's negative. It's only negative because you make it negative. Because you do not understand what's happening in a situation or in your life for that moment does not mean everything is falling to pieces. That's not what it means. It just doesn't have language yet. It's still processing. You need to just still process it. There's space between who you are and who you are becoming. That is a big one for me. Because who you are is dependent solely on you, not on anybody else, not on what you see on LinkedIn, not in what you see, you know, on social media. It's completely dependent on you and who you are becoming. You never stop evolving. You're always becoming a better version of yourself, especially if that's what you strive for. And that's certainly what I strive for. I'm always looking for a better version of myself. And I wholeheartedly believe I just haven't achieved that yet. And because I'm a person of little patience, and I have talked about that before, that is something I need to work on. The patience that I have, or rather, that I don't have, is a bit of a problem for myself. I'm sure it's a problem for people around me, but you know, I digress. I really need to work on that. Because if you are a person that's striving to become a better version of yourself, it certainly doesn't happen overnight. And if you live to be a hundred, you are for all those years going to keep striving to be a better version of yourself. Better, better, better, better. And it doesn't mean that the version that you are right now is bad. It's just continual learning. I love learning. I love to learn. I might be interested in being a lifelong student. No, I don't think so. But I am a lifelong learner. I love to learn. I believe I got that from my father, who is constantly learning new things. And I think that is something that is very important. And that can be very tough if you're a person of little patience because you learned this new skill or you've learned this new piece of information, and you're becoming a different version of yourself with all of that that you've incorporated with who you are. And now you're like, now I know better. Now everything is going to be perfect.

SPEAKER_00 9:45

And who says things aren't perfect? There's space between who you were and who you're becoming. And that space is quiet, unclear, but very real.

SPEAKER_01 10:00

The problem is that we rush clarity. You know, as I was saying before, that all trickles down into patience. If any of you have little patience like myself, let me know. We rush clarity. We want everything to make sense to us right here and now. Again, life doesn't work like that. We want answers before we fully lived the question. You cannot get answers before you even know if there's a problem or anything that you have questions to, if you don't even fully know what to ask. How can you get an answer on that? It doesn't work. You don't need full clarity to move. Because you don't understand something or it's not completely making sense to you does not mean you need to stop everything that you're doing. There's no such thing as just standing still. That gets you nowhere, literally, right? You don't need full clarity to move. You just need enough to take the next step. That's what I believe. I believe you just whatever answers you do get, and a lot of the time those answers come from yourself. You don't need anybody else on the outside looking in to give you the answers that you seek. A lot of the time you've answered your own questions and you don't even know it. But that helps you take the next step. There's so many times when I've done something and thought I didn't have the answers, and the answers are staring me right in the face. And I've moved on to the next step and didn't even realize that I had some sort of clarity.

SPEAKER_00 11:35

And I moved on to the next level. And that has served me well in my life. Doesn't mean that I'm finished.

SPEAKER_01 11:45

Certainly doesn't mean that I'm finished. Now you can be grateful and still question. You can be growing and still confused. You can be moving forward and still feel uncertain. There's nothing wrong with that. You just continue doing what it is that you want to do. And eventually it'll all fall in line. But we're vain creatures. We think we know everything. And when we can't pinpoint something or get the answers to something, it upsets us. But that's okay. You just keep moving. Even if you feel uncertain, you'll find the light. If you think you're moving through darkness, just keep trugging along. I'm telling you, it'll all work out. I had a friend tell me that he would like to sell his house. He is saying that he feels that it's time for him to sell his house and maybe downscale a little bit, move into a condo. But he's not quite sure. He's still pondering that. He's still questioning. He thinks it's a good idea because he thinks that he'll save more money and he'll be able to move forward with his investments, and he just feels that it'll be a better move for him financially. But again, he's still questioning it and he's not sure what to do. One of the things that I said to him was to continue on the path that he's going, continue working on what it is that he's working on, continue with assessing his financial situation, assessing his pros and cons of living in the house, buying the house, and all of that stuff, and that the answer will come to him. Eventually, he will get clarity. And I also said to him that he probably knows the answer right now, but maybe he doesn't want to accept it, or he just hasn't realized that he's got the answer. Either way, it'll all work out and everything will fall into place where that situation is concerned. And he was really thinking about it. I said to him, even him just talking out loud about what he wants to do and why he wants to do it, he's given himself so many answers in that 15-minute conversation, and he didn't even realize it. A lot of the times I always say that, just talk out loud. I mean, if you talk to yourself, hang. Nothing wrong with that. But you can usually find the answers if you're feeling a little bit uncertain why you're doing something in the first place, and what's the benefit?

SPEAKER_00 14:07

How did it make you feel? It's not going to give you all of the answers, but it'll give you enough. Especially if you are in a state of confusion. I'm perplexed, but I'm not panicking anymore.

SPEAKER_01 14:27

I used to panic about everything. I, to be honest, let me be honest, I do still panic a little bit. If I don't take a step back and really assess situations, I do panic a little bit. But there's things that I can't control, and there's things that I panic about that there's no reason for me to panic. It's just confusion. So I don't need to panic over confusion. I'm just a little perplexed. I'm not rushing to fix it. I'm not trying to force clarity. Right? That's a big one. Like I said before, do not try to force clarity.

SPEAKER_00 15:04

I'm just letting it be what it is. Maybe this feeling, this in-between questioning, unclear feeling is growth. There's also this quiet thought I've had actually.

SPEAKER_01 15:28

Not bad, just clearer, more certain, more solid. And instead it feels in progress. That's what it feels like. I think a lot of this comes from the gap.

SPEAKER_00 15:41

The gap between what we thought it would feel like and what it actually feels like.

SPEAKER_01 15:48

Because no one really talks about this part. And when that gap shows up, we assume we're doing something wrong. Why doesn't this feel how I thought it would?

SPEAKER_00 16:01

But maybe that doesn't mean that anything is wrong. There's this pressure to figure everything out, like I was stating before. Huge pressure.

SPEAKER_01 16:12

This is we put this on ourselves. We have to figure everything out. It's the vanity in us to know exactly what you're doing, to feel certain about your direction. The reality is, when has life ever actually worked like that? If we're being honest. Most people are just figuring it out as they go. Some people just sound more confident about it. I know there's times I can sound really confident about what it is that I'm doing, and I really may have no idea. But I say to myself, be confident with it, it'll all work out. And that confidence definitely makes me seem like I'm more certain than I than I actually am. And that goes for anybody. And it's actually a really good tool, I would say, to try it. Just try it. And then we compare. We look at other people and think they seem sure, they seem clear, they seem settled, and we question ourselves, but you don't see their questions. You don't see their movements of uncertainty. You don't see their pauses. You're experiencing your life in real time. Not edited, not filtered, not summarized. Feels messy sometimes. It can feel very messy. And maybe life isn't supposed to feel finished. Again, this goes back to me saying you're constantly striving for s for something new within yourself. To me, life isn't supposed to feel finished. Maybe it's supposed to feel ongoing, because I know that's how I feel. We want resolution, we want things to click, to land, to make sense, but not everything resolves right away.

SPEAKER_00 18:01

What if you let some things stay unresolved? The sheer terror of that. Not forever, just for now. There's a quiet kind of peace in that, I think, anyways.

SPEAKER_01 18:17

You know, I think that if you just let things marinate for a little bit and just let them be how they are, when I say that, it doesn't-that's not a negative thing. Just let things be and just carry on. You don't always have to have all the answers. Not having all the answers is going to ruin your life. But not needing them immediately either. So not having them at the moment and then not needing them right away. There's nothing wrong in that. Absolutely nothing wrong with that. Even in confusion, you're still moving. Even in uncertainty, you're still becoming. And I think about this sometimes. How many moments in my life only made sense after? And a lot of the times the clarity came to me years later. Years later, not in real time. I think most of the time in my life, the answers came years later. Not all the time, but a lot of the times they did. And the certainty came a lot later. But had I stopped before I had full certainty, I wouldn't have gotten to where I wanted to be in certain stages of my life. Maybe this, this exact feeling, will be one of those moments. And that's the other thing. You won't always feel like this. You're not always going to feel like this. This is not a feeling that you'll have all the time, you know, because you've got uncertainty or you're a little confused about something, that perplexity. It doesn't last a lifetime. Some things do, but for the most part, the way you're moving in life, that confusion doesn't last all the time. Even if it feels like you will feel like that for a lifetime, you won't. You definitely won't. Some things aren't meant to be solved. That is a hard one for me to sit with. Somebody said that to me once, and I was like, no, no, everything is, you have to solve everything. But I think of mathematicians, and there's still equations out there that still haven't been solved. So they were right. Some things aren't meant to be solved. And I think that that's very true in our lives. We don't need to have the answers for every single thing in our life. Because I think that that would stunt our growth. And it would definitely change how we move through life, doing the things that we want to do, doing the things that we that feels right to us. You don't have to have an answer for every single thing that you do. And I think that things are meant to be experienced and then passed through. It's not that you're not allowed to not know, you're allowed to be unsure. Two different things. Two different things. You're allowed to be in the middle of something that hasn't made sense yet. I've done plenty of things in my life that haven't made sense. Some of them I'm still questioning to this day, but that is okay. I've made it through.

SPEAKER_00 21:13

And I come back to this. I'm perplexed. I'm not panicked.

SPEAKER_01 21:22

And maybe that's growth. I think that's what feels different now. There's nothing urgent about this feeling anymore. I'm not trying to solve it by tomorrow. I'm not rushing to figure it out. It's just here. I'm learning how to sit with things, actually, without immediately trying to fix them. That's something that I've always wanted to work on, I think. But I think as I've gotten older, it's been more of something I've focused on because of the unnecessary pressure that I've put on myself. So I I am learning how to just sit with things and that they don't. Need to be fixed immediately. I don't need to have an understanding of them immediately. So that's something that I'm also striving for in the betterment of myself. It's very new for me because usually I want answers. I want direction. I want clarity. It's not even that I want it. I feel like I need it. Like I have to have it right now, or everything is just going to hell in a handbasket. It's not true, but that's how I feel because I'm very dramatic that way. And that's just who I am. And I I try not to be dramatic, but apparently I've been told I'm quite dramatic.

SPEAKER_00 22:40

This time I'm just sitting. And sitting doesn't mean I've stopped growing.

SPEAKER_01 22:48

It just means again, I'm not forcing it. We talk about growth like it's loud, right? Big changes, big shifts, big realizations.

SPEAKER_00 22:58

But sometimes growth is quiet. It's internal, subtle, and seen. No one really talks about this part. The in-between, the unclear, the not quite figured out. But this is where a lot actually happens.

SPEAKER_01 23:20

Even if it doesn't look like it, you're becoming something new without even realizing it yet. And that's why it feels unfamiliar.

SPEAKER_00 23:30

Unfamiliar doesn't mean wrong, it just means new.

SPEAKER_01 23:35

I have a problem recognizing the new shift that I've stepped into, that new realm. And when you don't recognize it, you can't be grateful for it. And you're always stuck in this like bout of confusion. And I think that is a big one for me as well, not recognizing the new shift. I have stepped into a whole new realm, a whole new part of my life, and I don't recognize it. And that's why it feels unfamiliar. And unfamiliar doesn't mean wrong. It just means new. And you need to celebrate the new. You need to recognize it first and then celebrate it. And maybe part of this is just letting yourself be new without rushing to define it, without needing to explain it. You don't have to name everything right now. You don't have to fully understand it right now. Some things take time, and don't I know it? I have done some things that have taken longer than I expected. I thought that I'd be able to just do them overnight, but it turns out that's not a thing. That doesn't always work. We don't physically grow overnight, so nothing can just happen overnight. And not because you're slow, or not because I'm slow, but because life is still unfolding. Things are still unfolding. Your situations are still unfolding.

SPEAKER_00 25:00

And you're allowed to trust that even if you don't fully understand it yet. This isn't a problem to solve.

SPEAKER_01 25:09

It's just a moment to move through. Even in the confusion, you're still you. Nobody can take that away from you, but you're still you.

SPEAKER_00 25:19

You're just a little confused. You're not broken, not off track. Nothing has gone wrong. It just doesn't look how you expected.

SPEAKER_01 25:31

And that's okay too. Because expectations don't always match reality. Somebody said that to me once. I was pretty upset that he said that, but at the end of the day, when I thought about it, he was right. Sometimes your expectations don't match up with reality, and you have to accept it. And reality has its own timing. Your reality has its own timing. Forget about everybody else's timeline. Just worry about your own. It has its own rhythm, it has its own pace. And right now, you're in it. Not at the beginning, in the middle.

SPEAKER_00 26:12

And the middle is underrated, very underrated because it doesn't look like much, but it's everything. And so I come back to where I started.

SPEAKER_01 26:24

I'm perplexed, but maybe that's not a bad place to be. Because it means I'm paying attention, it means I'm present. It means I'm growing in real time. And maybe not everything is supposed to make sense while you're living it. Some things you only understand later. So if you're in that space too, where things don't fully add up yet, you're not behind. You're just in the middle of something that's still unfolding.

SPEAKER_00 26:55

And that's okay. It's really okay. This has been my rant for the day.

SPEAKER_01 27:03

This is something that I've been thinking about for a while. About why I'm still feeling very confused about things. And I pondered on it for so long, probably an unnecessarily length of time. But that's just what I do. And I had to come to my own realizations about why I was feeling that way and why I was thinking about everything that I've just talked about. And it's because, again, I'm perplexed and confused, and a lot of it has to do with the pressure that I've put on myself. I don't need to figure everything out right now. I just need to keep moving. That's it. That's all. You can still feel perplexed. It's fine. But being in the middle in a space of growth doesn't mean you're behind. And that clarity will come. Just don't expect it tomorrow. Don't expect it tonight. Just deal with life. It's all gonna work out. If you are feeling this way as well, or you have some questions, or this is something that really resonated with you, please, by all means, send me an email at thecallmetpod at gmail.com. I love hearing from you guys. I get some really good emails and it makes me so happy. It means that you're listening and you're along for the ride. I do enjoy you all being here and listening to my rants. I hope they're not rants to you. It's it's good conversational pieces. I really enjoy hearing from you. So please, if this resonated with you, tell a friend, share, like, subscribe. Until next time.