The Struggle to Forgive and Forget—A Biblical Perspective

Struggling with the idea of “forgive and forget”? In this episode of the Confidence in God podcast, host Julie McGhghy dives deep into what the Bible really says about forgiveness. Discover why God’s standard isn’t about erasing memories, but about choosing not to hold past wrongs against others. Julie shares personal insights, scriptural wisdom, and practical encouragement to help you walk in true forgiveness—setting healthy boundaries while letting go of judgment. Whether you’ve been hurt or are working to forgive, this episode will help you find confidence and peace in God’s mercy. 

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Timeline

00:00 – Introduction and welcome
 00:11 – The struggle with “forgive and forget” and scriptural context
 01:06 – What this episode will cover
 01:21 – Resource mention: Five Steps to Experience More Confidence in God
 01:48 – God’s forgiveness in Psalms and Hebrews
 02:16 – God’s mercy and our standard for forgiveness
 02:48 – The challenge of forgiving and forgetting
 03:13 – God’s omniscience and what “remembers no more” means
 04:15 – Casting sins into the sea: literal vs. figurative forgetting
 04:36 – God chooses not to hold sins against us
 05:09 – God never changes His mind about forgiveness
 05:40 – The human struggle with forgiving and forgetting
 06:04 – God’s example: not holding sins against us
 06:26 – Our standard: not judging others after forgiveness
 06:48 – Setting boundaries while forgiving
 07:15 – Paul’s instructions to the Colossians on forgiveness
 07:41 – Encouragement to walk in forgiveness and gratitude
 09:16 – Episode summary: forgiving vs. forgetting
 09:45 – Invitation to share your story
 09:59 – Resource reminder
 10:20 – Subscribe, rate, and review
 10:36 – Closing encouragement

Transcript

0:00

Hello and welcome to the Confidence in God podcast. I am your host, Julie McGhghy, and our goal today is to help you walk with confidence in God. Do you ever get hung up on the idea that we must forgive and forget? God expects that of us, doesn't He? But many of us have experienced things in our lives that we choose to forgive, but we are unable to forget. Does that mean we are not doing what God asks us to do when the scriptures tell us to forgive one another as or in the same manner as God forgave you? And you'll find that in Ephesians 4:32. Since I'm one of those people who have struggled with the idea of not being able to forget everything I have chosen to forgive, I dove deeply into the scripture and learned something that really helped me to quit beating myself up for my inability to forget hurtful things. In this episode of the Confidence in God podcast, I'm going to share with you what I learned with the hope that you too will be able to have confidence that you have forgiven as God does, even though you haven't forgotten. But before we get started, I invite you to check out a resource titled Five Steps to Experience More Confidence in God. You can have instant access to it by going to confidenceingod.com/resources. In this resource, you'll learn more from the Apostle Paul, particularly how you can confidently live a life that is victorious over sin. I'll drop the link to the resource in the show notes for your convenience. Don't you love Psalms 103:12, where King David proclaims God has removed our transgressions from us as far as the east is from the west? The writer of Hebrews in Hebrews 8:12, while quoting the prophet Jeremiah in Jeremiah 31:33-34, makes it even clearer that God will be merciful and not remember our sins and inequities. Hallelujah. Thank you, Jesus. Your mercies are great and you forget our sins by casting them away from us as far as the east is from the West. Yes. That is great news. We take great comfort in this. But then we strive to live up to that standard because Ephesians 4:32, tells us to forgive one another, even as or in the same manner as God forgave us. This is where I got tripped up. If God forgives us and then forgets what we have done, if he remembers those things no more, then I am supposed to do the same thing regarding the wrongs other people have done to me, no matter how hurtful, right? Let's dive into what it means that God remembers our sins no more. Remember that God is omniscient, meaning he is all knowing. God has perfect knowledge of everything past, present, and future. If God chooses to not remember something, has he lost his perfect knowledge? According to Hebrews 4:13, God even sees the hidden things that others cannot see. He doesn't give that up when he remembers our sins no more. Let's look at how the prophet Micah describes God in Micah 7:18-19. Who is a God like you, pardoning iniquity and passing over the transgression of the remnant of his heritage. He does not retain His anger forever because he delights in mercy. He will, again, have compassion on us and will subdue our iniquities. You will cast all our sins into the depths of the sea." Casting all their sins into the depths of the sea is another way of saying God will remember their sins no more. But does he literally forget? No. When God forgives sin, he takes care that he will not remember it against the sinner anymore. He casts it into the sea, not near the shoreside where it can be washed up and considered again. He chooses not to hold it against the sinner ever again. The sin will never rise up again. Although God does not forget our sins in a literal sense because He is omniscient and remembers everything, he will not hold our sins against us or use them as grounds for punishment or judgment. While God remembers our sins, by the fact that He has knowledge of them, He chooses not to act on them in a way that would bring judgment. Even better, He never changes His mind about that according to Romans 11:29. God doesn't regret forgiving you. He doesn't change His mind, so He doesn't later decide to use your sins against you in judgment. Have you struggled like I have with the thought that to be Christ-like you had to forgive and forget? How many times have you heard people say,"Oh, just forgive and forget"? It's not that easy. Does the fact that I can't forget mean I haven't forgiven? No. It means I am human. It wasn't until I committed to studying this topic that God showed me that he does not literally forget. He chooses to not hold our sins or our bad actions against us any longer. He doesn't judge us for them anymore. That is the standard God sets for us. When we choose to forget someone, because God calls us to do so, we are to also choose to not hold those things against the wrongdoer anymore. We choose to not judge them for those actions anymore. Now, I must put a caveat here. That does not mean we have to give the person full access to us if the person is in the practice of treating us poorly, even after forgiveness. Boundaries are appropriate. And boundaries do not necessarily mean we haven't forgiven the person. They mean we are striving for healthy relationships that glorify God. How does this look? I'm going to wrap this up with the instructions the Apostle Paul gave to the church in Colossae as a description of the Christian life. I also have a note in my Bible that on March 22, 2018, the Lord brought these scriptures to my attention for my response to someone who had hurt me very badly and made a continued practice of doing so. In Colossians 3:12-17, it says this:"Put on then as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience bearing with one another, and if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing Psalms and hymns and spiritual songs with thankfulness in your hearts. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him." I encourage you to prayerfully strive to walk according to this message from scripture today. Let's also be mindful that no one on earth is perfect. We will be hurt and we will hurt others no matter how we strive not to. Above all, whatever we do in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God. We covered a lot of information in this very short period of time. Let me quickly summarize it. Many of us struggle with the idea that we must forgive and literally forget when people have hurt us or done us wrong. Although God calls us to forgive others in the same manner as He forgives us, that is not a call to literally forget, but to refrain from judging them for those actions anymore. I would love to hear from you, share with me how God has helped you be more confident in your ability and willingness to forgive and forget in the same manner as our Heavenly Father. Now, as I mentioned earlier, I invite you to check out a resource titled Five Steps to Experience More Confidence in God. It will help you live a life that is victorious over sin, which will also position you to forgive in the same manner as God forgives you. Just click the link in the show notes and click on the resource. That's it for today. Please take a second to subscribe to our show so you'll be notified when future episodes come out. Also, it would be great if you would rate or review our show. That way more people can find out about it. Until next time, let's be confident in this that He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it.