Holding the Line with Got Your Six Episode 8: Sharpened Pencils and Frayed Nerves

It's that time again! Back To School! Our hostesses with the absolute mostesses talk about their own struggles, and provide helpful feedback and information to parents with kiddos who struggle as well. Wanna learn about 504 and IEP plans? Join us.

Transcript

0:09

Hey everyone, and welcome to Hold Me, aligned with Got Your Six Counseling. I'm Peggy, and this is Brittany. This is a space where we get real about the shit. Nobody wants to talk about. Mental health, life, trauma, healing, and everything in between. Sometimes we get clinical, sometimes we get messy, but it's always honest. Quick reminder, this podcast isn't therapy and it's not a substitute for professional care. We're not here to provide therapy, diagnose, or treat. If you're struggling with mental health, please reach out to a licensed provider. You don't have to go through it alone. We've got your six. We're just two trauma therapists showing up as humans first ready to have real and. Don't get conversations about the stuff that matters. We're here to break the stigma, share what we've learned from both sides of the therapy room, and talk about the challenges people face every day, especially in the veteran and first responder communities, whether it's trauma, burnout, relationships, identity, or just getting through the week. We believe that these conversations matter. They deserve space, and that's what we're holding the line for. So let's dive.

holdingthelinebacktoschool: 1:32

I guess it's recording now. Oh, I didn't do a countdown. Okay. Welcome back to another episode of Holding the Line with Got Your Six Counseling. Uh, I'm Brittany, and this is Peggy, and I've lost count. I don't know what episode we're on, but today our episode is called Sharpen, penciled, and Frayed Nerves. Oh my God. Sharpened, penciled, sharpened pencils and Frayed nerves and frayed nerves. Talk about frayed nerves. Lord have mercy. Okay. Uh, today we're talking about surviving back to school season as a parent. Provider, partner or professional, regardless of where you work, uh, and the mental health impact it has. Um, and our humor, because I'm not ready for, I mean, I'm not ready for my kids to go back to school. I hate it when my kids are in school. Uh, I feel like most people say that they, uh, are ready for their kids to go back to school, not me. I hate fighting with my kids every morning to go back. Um, your kids love school, don't they? One does. One doesn't. I'm fighting the good fight of like, let's start waking up at normal times again, because the tween is sleeping till 11 and noon and noon. So I'm like, um, so let's readjust that body clock, dude. And he's like. Can we like push this, this off another week and he is like, mm-hmm we can't do this anymore. So right now, like it was like that visceral response of July and starting to see all the back to school things and he was like, let's not go near like Walmart and Target right now. Please. No, no. I, my life hack is that I've done, I'm doing all my school shopping on Amazon. I've done that for the last three years. And if that's what you need to do to survive, then so be it. Because I don't know about your kids' schools, but like Landon's School doesn't give you a school supply list until orientation, which is literally the week before school starts now, like the younger ones, they get that, I can pull that off the internet, but it's like, hello, welcome to Orientation School starts in a week, here's your school supply list, and everything's sold out in the store. So you don't have a choice but to go on the Amazon. Uh, thank you Jeff Bezos to deliver that to my house in two days. Um, so I love that for us. So, um, back to school. I hate it. Um, Landon is in this place now where he's accepted his fate living in the 10th grade this year, and he should be in the 11th grade, but at least I get a couple more years of that. And the other two, uh, Sawyer's starting and I don't like that either. Kylie fights me every day. Every day. I got one that wakes up at 5:00 AM and he's good. He's like, let's go. And that is the 10th grader, surprisingly. But he, he is my most functional child. 5:00 AM that's unhinged, 5:00 AM and like, he's like, let's clock in, let's clock out, let's go. But then again, he's going to a specialty school for high school too. Lucky because he is doing cybersecurity and all of the things that make him. In all of his spicy glory. I feel like there's always that one, right? Like that one in the family that's like motivated and he's like, let's do this. And then you always have that balance of the one that's like, I hate school. I don't wanna go. Let me just stay home. You know? And I, I have, I have that. Well, no, all my kids hate school. We'll see how Sawyer is. He's probably gonna be that one that loves it, right? There's gotta be one, one. But we, we drive into like functional chaos in the morning because like he gets up at five and like he showers and does his routine and then he goes and wakes up little tween hormones and fights him for me. And I'm like, oh, this is really nice of you. I'll figure out how to reward that later. Landon fought me every day. He used to ask me, can you pick me up early today? Do I have to go to school today? And eventually around like. Like fourth or fifth grade, he was finally just like, all right, I guess I have to go to school. Um, and he is been that way ever since. And in high school, or like last year, I think he finally realized like, I have to be serious about this.'cause it's high school. I don't know if Kylie will ever get there. We'll see, we'll see how it goes. So she's dramatic. I don't know where she got it from. Um, she got like a one two, like a like four or five dose. I don't even know the word for that. Right. It's words are hard. But between me, her dad, my mom, her grandma. You leave Renee out of this? Yeah, between both of her grandmas. Uh, and then my grandmother, we call it like, um, like she's a Mimi child. Um, she got quite the dose of like the attitude and the sass and the drama. Oh my gosh. I don't know how. Bless whoever she marries. Bless'em all. All I know is during the school year, the conversations between you fighting her or you fighting Sawyer, because I can hear you going Kylie. Get on the bus. Get on the bus. Towards the end of the year. I just started taking her because we were running so late all the time.'cause it's like, put your shoes on, put your shoes on, put your shoes on, put your backpack on, put your shoes on, put your shoes on. And I'm just like, okay. So I finally just started taking her school, which actually made things a lot easier. Uh, so we'll see this year how it goes with Sawyer, uh, going to school, kindergarten. So, uh, yeah, asking where the shoes are and putting your shoes on. So many times it's like you feel like you're insane, right? Like you've, you're gaslighting yourself into being like, did I ask that? Am I insane? Didn't I tell you, just put your shoes on? Where's your backpack? Didn't I just, it's by the door. No. And then you, you go out and you come back in and it's like. Why aren't your shoes on? Why don't you have your backpack? Like, what is happening here? Uh, am I talking to myself? Am I alone in this house? So I feel like every, every parent could probably relate to that unless you, unless you're God's favorite. And you have children that are just like, yes, mother, let me put my shoes on. I'm waiting by the door. Or it's like, you have like that internal narration going on. It's like, okay, I told them X, Y, and Z. Um, I will not lose my ever loving crap on my kids today. And you did. And not in fact, lose your ever loving crap. You start with such good, you know, like you wake up and you're like, here's your breakfast. Like, here's the snack. Go brush your teeth, and they start doing it, and you're like, yes, this is gonna be good. And then you'll get all the way downstairs or wherever your front door is, and then you're like, okay baby, go put your shoes on. And they're just looking at you like, it's like, go put shoes on. It's like, that's where everything falls apart. It's like, get your backpack on, get your shoes. Because like that fir that first couple weeks, like you're hyped for it and you're like, okay, we're gonna start off strong and we're gonna keep doing this. And this is the routine. And pretty much by November everybody's given up because by November I've given up. Right. I'm like, gosh, is is it June yet or is it May.'cause the school year ends in May now because it used to start in September and now it starts in August. So by November I'm like tapped. I'm like, is it Christmas break? Are we done by May? I'm like ready to check myself in for a grippy sock vacation. I think I was more ready for the school year to be over than the kids were. I was like, I was counting down the days off the calendar. I was like, well, because it's all the, it's all the meetings and you're like, yeah, hey, we need to do your reevaluation. You need to do this next meeting. Like, Hey, you need to assign this 5 0 4 again, or you need to get the IEP done. And I'm like, I'm so sick of this. Please. All the eligibility meetings, all of those things are so taxing because when you have to mentally prepare yourself for those, it's like, I, I remember the first one I stepped into in this school district. I was scarred from the previous ones because in other school districts, they are not very nice and they make you feel like you are dumber than a box of hair. Uh, and for other parents out there, I applaud you for going into those with a good, kind heart because I am not the one. I am not the one. And so this school district, I have to say, for the most part, is decent and good. Uh, some, some people in those are better than others. Um, but they're taxing and they, they hound you. They're like emailing you and calling you and texting you, and they're like, we need this meeting. We need, and you're doing it on their time. And, um, so, um, and the difference between the IP and the 5 0 4 and what to expect and how to navigate that, knowing your rights as a parent, um, and then actually getting them is a whole mood slash process. So, um, and then str having your kids struggle and then wanting them and needing it, uh, I think we're gonna talk about that. So hopefully you get something out of this too, because as parents of children with, I wanna say special needs, but neurodivergent children, children with autism, and a DHD. You don't just have to have those to get, uh, an IP or a 5 0 4, but anything medical for a 5 0 4 Right. You can get, yeah. So we'll jump into that. But if you think your kid needs one advocate for it and make sure that, uh, you're doing your due diligence. Sorry, there was a, a gnat or something. I, everyone's on Slack because I feel like if I do that people are like, what is she doing? I'm just like, so she's crazy. Yeah. I am. Oh, well, because we've had to navigate four different states with the IEP transitioning into the 5 0 4. Um, thank you for that one. Um, and like each state having their own standards, their own process, their own eligibility determination, I, I'm a little sick of them at this point, but, so. We're on 5 0 4 plan time now, which is really nice. Students are, you know, identified as having a disability or a medical diagnosis. Lucas has a both, right? Because we're allergic to life bubble boy. But it's there to a help him with, you know, he's allergic to all the things. And so there's specific guidelines for that, his EpiPen and all of the magical stuff that goes with that. Uh, nursing plan. Um, you know, who has EpiPens, who doesn't have EpiPens now that he's allowed to carry his own EpiPen, which is also frightening. Yeah. But for his specific needs, um. His is because remember the 5 0 4 is to provide accommodations to help him with his general education. Um, like extending test time breaks for anxiety, um, quiet places for focus. It is not really to, like, there's no, there's nothing goal oriented in it. For him. It is about like making sure he's nudged. If they see that he is overwhelmed and he's about to melt down, like, Hey buddy, do you actually need to ask us for help? Instead of like, we see that you're, you know, we're noticing you're overwhelmed. Do you notice that you're overwhelmed? Right. Right. The 5 0 4 is like, we're gonna just alter the learning environment just a little bit to help you. Um, so you can perform just as well as the other students in your classroom. Right? Where like, Landon has a IEP, which is individualized. For him with goals to actually change the curriculum slightly and provide more detailed accommodations for him, for his A DHD to help him succeed, uh, for his unique needs. Uh, neither one of'em cost anything. You know, if you're in a public school and they follow you from state to state, so if you get one-on-one, like Peggy said, she's followed it. Four states. Landon went from one state to another, so when he got it one state, it followed him here where we are now. And they're both at the federal level. So, um, the IEP is from IDEA and the 5 0 4 is, uh, the Rehabilitation Act. So, uh, if you get one, it stays with you until it's gone. The IEP, you do need to meet the, like one of the 13 categories because that's where the 5 0 4 comes listed in PA. Yeah, the 5 0 4, it's like you can have a diagnosis and it being medically justified, whereas I think there is a lot of confusion about like the medical diagnosis versus the educational eligibility. Right.'cause the medical diagnosis is given by your doctor for that per, you know, the purpose of explaining symptoms. But educational eligibility does not rely on the medical diagnosis. Schools must conduct those educational assessments, which are done by, you know, generally school psychologists, other school professionals, or even like the independent evaluation. Right? And that, that's where it determines if you're meeting one of those 13 criteria. Um, and like sometimes I'll get. Like those global, uh, global development delays and stuff like that. And there must be like an actual formal diagnosis of what, say by the time they're 13, they have to have a hard diagnosis on there. Right, right. And the like, I think where some people like fall under the 5 0 4 versus the IEP is that it has to limit like their basic life activities, like learning, like you said. Mm-hmm. Uh, for them to fall under the IEP to be eligible. Um, because some people are like, oh, I only got a 5 0 4, and I'm like, why? You know, they really definitely need an IEP. And so I, I do feel like some schools, and I'm not gonna say all depending on, will definitely try to minimize the impairments that kids have because the IEPs are more work and the IEPs mean that they have to give more accommodations and they have to do more things for them. So like, I'm just gonna give'em an IEP and the eligibility is that. Or it depends. If you've shown you're behind enough, they'll give you the IEP because they need the parent to please push. Right? Um, so it's, it's, it's depends, right? Uh, and so sometimes they, they beat around the bush and wanna fight you either way. So you really, really have to push if your, if your kid is really struggling. But like, I've never felt more like, especially going into like that first IEP meeting, like I needed like a law degree, therapy degree and like all the things, um, like my own. And I think this would've been beneficial to know then whatever version, what I know now, like you're allowed to have an advocate. You're allowed to have another voice in there for yourself. Like you don't have to go in by yourself. Um, so it doesn't have to feel so intimidating and like, even though sometimes some schools will be like, no, no, you can't have anybody in here. 100% yes you can. And involve the kid. Mm-hmm. If they're aware, if they have, you know, if they want to be a part of it, let them be a part of it because hey, you're making decisions about them. Yep. Yep. And the other thing that I think is really important, and a lot of parents don't know this, is that you are in control of all this. They cannot do anything without you. Right. You have to give consent in writing for them to write anything, for them to draw up anything, for them to implement anything. Period. And if you request a meeting at any time, they have 30 days to have that meeting. I think it's 30 days depending on the state. Mm-hmm. Some is 30, some iss 90, some is 60. So like check your stuff. Right. Depending on where you are viewing this from. Um, and they have to review that. IEP, what is the IEP is once a year. The 5 0 4 Yeah. Is every year. And they have to do a reeval every three. So they have to involve you in every single thing. And if you're like, no, I don't like the way that says that, change it, or, I don't like that goal, change it. They have to change it. And the moment you're like, Hmm, I don't think something's wrong with my kid. I wanna do an evaluation. They have 30, 60, 90 days depending on your state to meet with you and discuss eligibility or testing or whatever. Um, so you are in control of all of this period. Um, and you can push and you can advocate and that's, that's, you know, I, I didn't know all this in the beginning and Peggy is the resource queen and she is like the end all be all and all of these things. If I'm like, what is this or what about that? She's like, she'll send me an email with like 50 11 links, check these out. And I'm like, I Timmy, send me the top five. I'll not look at all of these links. Right. Um, the other thing and um, Peggy is not in Virginia, but she did live here before, is that at every meeting they give you this, I pulled this. Mm-hmm. I have like a thousand of these, right? It's the Virginia Department of Education. Safeguards. These are your rights as a parent with a children, with child, with if I were for an IEP. Right. Read it. Read it. Because it says everything we just talked about, about your rights and consent and like the timeline and everything. Uh, I made a mistake and not reading that the first couple of times and then I read it and I was like, oh, hello. Um, when you go into a meeting, what you have the right to do and not really say, but what you have the right to do and, um, press for. Yeah. It's worth it. It's totally worth it. Um, but the people in that meeting are super intimidating, but they're just people and this is your kid, so, or kids. Uh, all three of my kids have IEPs. Yay, yay me this year. Right. You're like, I'm not. They're like, I'm not ill prepared for this at all. I know, like I did that meeting for Sawyer on Monday and the the case manager was like, and we have two weeks to finish this because school, we have to finish it before school starts and that's in two weeks. And I was like, okay, well don't let them rush you. I think that's a big thing is they'll try to pull these things at the last minute and don't let them rush you. Don't let them rush your child. Especially through the evaluation process. Nope. Let's talk about the evaluation process for a minute, because I think people need to be prepared for this, right? So remember with Kylie, right? Okay. I'm getting heated already just thinking about it, right? So, so your kid, your teacher comes to you and they're like, your kid is struggling, which is what happened to me. And anybody who knows me personally knows the story already. So you can just skip through this if you want, or you can just relive it with me. That's fine. Your kid's struggling. We thought she might be autistic. We definitely knew she had a DHD. Okay. So we were like, facts, let's have her tested to my plant Light just came on. That was a little aggressive, I'm sorry. Um, so we took her and had her tested, paid out pocket.'cause we didn't wanna wait. Uh, a month later I get the report to the school and I'm like, here you go. This beautifully written psychological report. The school's like, thank you. Now we have to do our own testing. Most parents aren't expecting that.'cause I was like, I beg your pardon, this beautifully written psych evaluation. And you're like, now we have to do our own testing and observations. Uh, so then they took another, like three to four months to do their own stuff, which delayed her academic stuff even further. So it wasn't until like the end of the year that she had an IEP written to implement. Um, so then she had to repeat that grade because her kindergarten teacher was trash and didn't communicate that she was struggling as she was. We just thought she didn't wanna do her work. So we were pushing her to try to do it, but we actually, what actually was happening is that she was on the spectrum and she had a DHD and she couldn't still, and she couldn't understand. So don't think that going to get a psych eval or psyche testing one and the same is enough, because then the school's gonna delay it even further by wanting to do their own testing, which is fine. And also you gotta push because they're gonna also then show up to that next meeting unprepared. So just be aware that also a psychologist, a clinical psychologist, has to do that testing because as, as much as we want to help, yeah, the school doesn't care what we think your kid has as a diagnosis. And that's where like if the disagreement comes up, you can then request that IE the independent evaluation. Yeah. Yeah. Because you, Peggy, and I can say all day that your kid has a DHD, but this school doesn't care. I mean, they might care, but it, it's not gonna help with your IEP or your 5 0 4, right? Like we can help them. Well, Peggy doesn't see kids, so like I can help them with life skills and with like learning how to manage stuff like that. But, uh, I can't help you in getting an IEP, um, that's for like Christina or met there or another clinical psychologist of your choice. So let's talk about your most recent fun th thorn in your side. And this is probably one of our biggest pet peeves, is the bip. Behavioral intervention. Okay, so bits are written are supposed to be a written proactive plan developed by the IEP team to address challenging behaviors that interfere with learning. It is based on data from a functional behavior assessment, but also like required when behavior impedes the learning of a student or others. It really just, there needs to be data. I think that's a big thing. There needs to be data, there needs to be a student actually in the classroom before they get it. Not like preemptively placing a child on a behavior intervention plan that they've never actually witnessed. Behaviors, having behaviors from, um, not anticipating behaviors from just because a child is labeled with a, what they tend to see as unsavory diagnosis because he has the spicy level two or three Yes. Yes. Uh, typically and in the therapy setting, we see kids who have like, like oppositional or defiant behaviors or like severe A DHD behaviors with bips because the school, and I'm not maybe, um, dunno how to handle it, but because they're not clinicians, um, they don't know how to handle it. So they do something called a functional behavior assessment first, where they point out like they're challenging behaviors, what triggers it, and they're, and they, what they say is, we try to understand why they're acting this way, but like, are they really, maybe, I don't know. So they're like, try to find all this information, like Peggy said, but there really isn't enough data because there's not enough time to gather data. If you know anything about gathering data and doing research, you're only in school for like, what, nine months out of the year. By the time they do the behavior assessment because they have these windows of time to do these observations and stuff by the time they get it. School year's almost over anyways, I'm not getting on my soapbox about that. But they develop this intervention plan where they try to teach like replacement behaviors, modify the environment, and then the goal is to have positive reinforcement. But the opposite of that is what negative reinforcement, what actually really ends up happening is that this be, this BIP ends up being used for punishment instead of what it was intended for. And that's why they can be harmful. Um, and then they're also not usually tailored to specific needs. They become like this cut and paste. Um, and then they're not effective, um, because I don't wanna say people get lazy, but. Yeah, like you've got 50, 60, a hundred students on a BI plan and you've got like two people managing all these students. It becomes very complacent to be like, oh, copy and paste. Copy and paste. Copy and paste. So then all, every single one of'em has a DHD and ODD or whatever. So why not just so it's not individualized at all? Um, yeah. And then, oh,'cause they don't get to look at like everything all the time.'cause they're not always getting to see the trauma responses or all of the emotional dysregulation. Like what are the autism needs? What are the A DHD impulses, what is anxiety related avoidance? You know? And that's where we kind of get to be that extra support and like help identify emotional drivers and behaviors. Suggest coping strategies and replacements. Like we're not there to replace like the dip, but we can, we can aid, we can aid the parent, we can help the kid, we can help, but because they are not clinicians. Yeah. People running the bips are not clinicians. Right. And they're not addressing, like you said, the underlying need. Um, they're not addressing the challenging behaviors or the reasons behind it. Um, and then the parents are not, like, again, they're not communicating with the parents or the people that need to be actually doing the stuff at home too. Yeah. So it's only getting implemented at school. Um, so it's a, we don't, we don't love it. We don't love it. Um, it's a, it's a whole, it's a whole n so it's not successful and the kid stays on the bit forever. Um, and, and so they don't ever learn the desired behaviors. They don't ever learn anything. The kid ends up in therapy. Uh, it's not communicated to the therapist. Mm-hmm. Right. Or if it is, and the therapist is like, what the heck? Right. I've never had a kid, I've never had a patient on a bit before, but the day I do. You're gonna be like, this kid has trauma. I'm gonna be hot in, uh, in the school's phone, just right with that school counselor. Uh, or the teacher or whoever, whoever is in charge of that, because we're gonna, I'm gonna have so much fun with that. I'm just, I'm just putting it out into the universe, right? Like, if there's anyone listening and their having emotional behavioral issues and they have a BIP send on my way. Right? You're in this area, just send'em my way. I got you. Right. Uh, because, because kids' behavior is a form of communication. If they're acting out that way, they're not just doing it'cause they wanna piss you off. Right? There is underlying needs and issues there that need to be addressed. And the schools are not equipped to do that because they're not therapists, they're not clinicians. And we hear that. So, you know, if your kid's on a bit, just, just send them on because. And the poor school counselor can only handle so much because like they got like two or 300 kids, and some schools have more than that. Right. Like they're just, and not like, again, not like the school counselors are not meant to be therapists, right? Like they're a resource. They're meant to like, more for like, I don't wanna say crisis, but they're like, they're just, okay, here, here, here, here. Right. And then they're not meant to like sit, I mean, and like have long conversations. I mean, bless the middle school and high school counselor. Middle schoolers and high schoolers are like, they choose a violence, like they are rough. I can never be a middle school, high school or counselor, teacher, administrator, anything. Mm-hmm. Bus driver, absolutely not. Nope. They're mean. I know it's being hateful. Look, yours are at different levels. You got one in high school and you got elementary school. I got one going, like going into the middle school area, tween and teenager. And this is too much hormones and one area of life between my menopause and their, and their hormones. It's a battle. It's a battle for life right now. Yeah. I um, yeah, I'll have two. I have the two in elementary school and then, yeah.'cause we have Kylie back, so her and Sawyer will be in elementary school together for a hot minute. Yeah. So they'll, they'll only be apart for like a year before they end up in middle school together. Well, in the middle school here. Yeah. Yeah. So the middle school is only a couple grades and then the junior high school is only two, so they're gonna just be right behind each other, all the way up, which is nice. That's gonna be nice. Um, but, um. But yeah, navigating school accommodations is a whole mood. Um, find you an advocate and it's okay. It's okay to feel ill-equipped for this, especially when it's your first time going through it. None of us were, none of us were like, you know, experts at it going into it. This is something really you learn on the fly and you become, you become strong for your kids real quick. Right. Right. You become, you become well versed in it if, if you feel like you're not being heard. Uh, which happened to me because I, I'm, like I said, I'm the one, uh, go to the school board. Reach out to the people at the school board superintendent of your area. I, I would see, like I started looking up rights law, like that website all over five oh fours and IEPs and like definitions of stuff like that. I was like, I'm not going in there stupid. I would see the principal of the school and then CC the school, like the county DI superintendent and the school board. Mm-hmm. If I felt like they were not listening or I had waited far too long for a response, I would start CCing as many people as I could. And you and I are that person. It's like, why am I waiting two and three weeks for a response? But let me just find out who's in charge of that person and that person and that person and CC them on this email and like, boom, an hour later I had a response. Um, go to the IDEA website, go to the Virginia Department of Education website and start looking and reading and like do your research if you feel like you're not being heard. Um, until you're heard, until someone responds. Because this is your kids' education, this is your kids' wellbeing, especially if they have certain disabilities and they have certain needs because if you don't, no one will. Uh,'cause yeah, I don't, I don't wanna, I don't wanna say that I'm not trying to throw so much shade tonight'cause I'm in that kind of mood, you know? Feel me? So getting back to school and having kids in school can, uh, like I said, I get burned out really fast and your kids are angels when it comes to school for the most part. So, uh, and they're older, so it's a little easier. No, I mean, I think I just, because like, especially ri because he was, you know, COVID, kindergartner, everything got shut down for him. COVID kids are a whole new thing. My cousin's kid is a COVID kid and she is like. I don't even know what kind of child she is. She just like hides in the closet and colors on the wall and like sings and you're just like, you good? And she's like, well, think about that too. The COVID kindergartners are entering this year, like all the babies that were born. And so like there is a deep mad respect for kindergarten teachers this year because those are some feral kids going in feral, unhinged choose violence. Yeah, I, I feel bad for all of them. Just generally speaking, this generation of children is very different. They're built different, well they're raised by millennials and Gen X and so like, it is a mix between like, I really don't give an F about anybody and then I am emotionally healthy. And I'm like, that is an odd combination right. My parents taught me emotional intelligence and how to express my emotions, and they're like validating and great. And the other kids are like, fuck you. No. It's a combo between both of'em. Like they, they learned hard boundary, they learned what a boundary was, you know, as a small child. And I'm like, how did you get to do that? See, I started out as that, like that rebellious kid and sh like that rebellious kid. And I kind of moved into like, I hear you, I see you, I validate you. And then I shift back and forth between like you like, oh, I'm so sorry to hear that. You know, uh, you can be both. Little kids out there. You can be both. There's a delicate balance. So just know when you're No limit soldier doesn't wanna get up for school in the morning, but yet, you know, when he does, they are the array of sunshine of the day. They get to school and they're fine. That's how Kylie is, right? She's so mean and hateful to me in the morning. Then she gets to school and the teacher's like, we don't, she's not like that here. She's so nice and good and she helps people. And I'm like, she wrote on one of her papers that she enjoys keeping her room clean and I'm like, we talking about the same good. She lied. She lied to that teacher so much. I'm like, I don't know who that Kylie is, but the Kylie we have at home, uh, lives like a troll. So the changing of the schedule, I think sucks for me the most because in the summer I can kind of just take the time and get ready and leave and, you know. I the day, it depends on the day. It's a dumpster fire getting going in the morning. Yeah. And now that you have to add Sawyer into that mix.'cause getting, especially when you're dealing with children that are on the spectrum or are very routines and needs based in that sense, um, getting them adjusted to something else, those first few weeks might feel like you are going through hell. Yeah. And I know Sawyer is going to give you Hell yeah. Especially where he's transitioning from, you know, a BA that he's used to going to for what, two, three years? I mean, he started a BA when I was a resident, like a little, I don't wanna say baby resident, but very early on. Yeah. He's been doing that for a long time. Yeah. And now it's gonna shift into, well, you're not going to a BA this morning, you're going to school and you're doing that every day. And maybe you go to a BA after school, depending on what that schedule looks like. But if I even make a turn. Away from my regular route to work. He's like, Ugh. And I'm like, bro, it's fine. We're just doing this. Like he's fine for, you know, for a second. But if I make him get outta the car, like when we go into school, it, the first week or two is gonna be rough. You know? So your schedule changes once kids go back to school, it really does suck, but like, that's okay. It'll get better. Right? It suck. I feel like it sucks more for me. It'll get, it'll get better. Or if it doesn't, you know what, like, yeah, if they got to school, they were dressed and they had underwear on there, maybe if they didn't have underwear on and they were probably clean if they gotta school, at least they were fed. Maybe they weren't all of those things, but at least they were one of those things. Right. There we go. Maybe their hair wasn't brushed today, but maybe they brushed their teeth. Right? Like at least one of those things were taken care of. It doesn't make you a crappy parent. If not all of them were done'cause. When I drop Kylie up at school, I see these little girls running in an AR pristine. Okay. I have seen what Kylie's hair looks like sometimes. Right. But her hair is pulled up and she's got a bow in. Not by the end of the day. No. Not by the end of the day, but, and it's okay if they look like a goblin when they come home. Yeah. By the end of the day, she's, by the time I get home, her hair is out of that ponytail. She looks like she's been hit by a truck. Yep. She looks like she's been hit by a truck. And I'm like, how was your day? Fine. What'd you do? I don't know. And then later I'll see a picture of her and the gym holding a snake and I'm like, what? You have a snake at school today? Yeah. I'm like, but you said you didn't do anything today. Yeah. I'm like, but you had a snake. Mm-hmm. And the answers that they, okay, so I know this is a parent pet peeve and it is the most teenagery answer in the world. How was school today? Bye. I don't know. Look, it's okay if that's all the answer that they wanna give you. I know that we internally as moms or as dads want to pry more. But think about it. You had a long day. They had a long day, and maybe that's all the spoon that they have left was to give you the answer. Fine, right? Yeah.'cause you're like, well, especially if you're that family that like sits down for dinner at the table, which I feel like is probably not as common as it used to be, right? Like most we are that family. Okay? Yeah. Uh, we are not right. Like we, we are like, here's your dinner, where are you going to eat it? And most people just go sit and do their own thing. Like if you wanna sit at the table and eat, that's fine. If you want me to sit down here with you, I'll do that. But most of us just wanna go do our own thing. Which is okay. Right. Um, so if you sit down at a table and they're like, oh, how was dinner? And you wanna have, I mean, how was your day? And you wanna have this big conversation about it. Like, there's no need to like force it. I, why don't, they don't wanna talk about it? I feel like that's the same as like kids in therapy. Like, it was fine. I'll ask my kids in therapy that too. I'm like, how was, how was school? And they're like, it was okay. What'd you do? Did you have gym? What'd you play? They don't know. Well'cause a lot of, like, for us, for the type of patients, the type of community that we serve, everybody's already coming from a lot of chaos and everything. So like everybody's coming off of the emotional whiplash of the day. Why add to it unnecessarily? Yeah. So like, Hey, hey, if they wanna add to it and be like, Hey, I'd really like to talk to you about this. Cool, awesome support that if they don't, don't bug it out of'em. Also, I feel like it's, I, I don't know about you. Well, like, and for you, like when you leave the room, but for me, when I leave the office, it's like a shift into this other person. Like, whatever happened there, stays there. And I wonder if it's the same way for kids at school.'cause it's been too long for me to remember what it's like to like, plus I was kind of homeschooled towards the end, so it's still a little bit different for me. But like, I wonder if it's like when they leave school, it's like they, maybe they've dissociated or they've just checked out. So the moment they step foot off the property, it's like this time warp of like, they get home and like it has to be right. It's like, what'd you do at school today? And they're like, I don't know. I forgot. No, it, it, I hear, I forgot all the time, right? And I'm like, and I'm like, what'd you do? Or how was it? And they're like, it was fine. And I'm like, just fine. I'm like, yeah, it was fine. And I'm like, okay, that's like with Kylie. And then I see you're holding a snake. And I'm like, you held a snake? And she's like, yeah, I guess. I'm like, you guess you held a snake. Like you ran from a cricket the other day and you were holding a snake, and she's like, yeah, I held a snake. I'm like, okay. I feel like that's something you would remember, right? Yeah. Instead of being like, I don't know, it was fine. Okay. So lunchboxes don't have to be perfect. Oh my God. Are they fed? Have you seen that woman with the bento boxes where she cuts everything into stars and shapes and she puts little toothpicks in them and I'm like, you know what? Uh, an uncrustable works just fine. You can't take Uncrustables to school. Peg, you have peanut butter. Well. Ours doesn't have that rule, but Okay. I guess it depends on the school and who has like severe allergies, but you can't even smell, you can't even smell a peanut. They have a peanut table at ours, like the peanut free table. So like those kids go and sit at that table. I can't even bring a peanut within a, like a five mile radius of my kid's school because I think it's a teacher, bless her heart, who has like a severe, severe allergy to peanuts. If she even like smells a peanut or like looks at a peanut from a mile away, she's gonna like, have an allergic reaction. Oh, no. Yeah, it's really bad. I think someone accidentally took a peanut to school, like some type of peanut stuff to school. She had like, could go to the hospital or something. It was very, very, very, very serious. So. But I mean, we can't, even if they, but if they have a cold, hot dog, who cares? Do they like it? Cool. Yeah, we don't even think about peanuts at their school, uh, because we don't want her to have allergic anyway. I'm just kidding. Um, but yeah, I throw Lunchables, Kylie takes Lunchables to school. I, yeah, she takes Lunchables to school. Sawyer takes goldfish, Cheez-It chips, gummies. Like I, I'm not even gonna lie, he's gonna look like a five-year-old. Went into the gas station and spent 50 bucks. I already know unsupervised, but like, and I, I'm like, I'm super upfront about that. I'm like, my kids take whatever they're gonna eat and I don't fight with them about it. And I'm like, I'll allow it because it's the, it's one less thing I have to worry about. Um, and I don't even care. I don't care anymore. I used to worry that they would judge me and think I wasn't feeding my kids. And I'm just like. I am not fighting with them. I'm not gonna force them to eat something they don't wanna eat. And if that's, if that's what they're going to eat and be full and be fed and be like nourished at school, then that's what they're gonna get. Because otherwise they still come home starving. I remember being starving after school too. Like what is that? I don't know because like during the summer they're eating me out of house and home and I'm like, where's your school stomach? School stomach. Find it, find it. But like the, you know, we are going back to like that mental load of like really struggling to like where the parenting and helping others and our community really is going back to that too. And like, go back to therapy. Stop missing your appointments. Yes. That'll help. First and foremost, like we're coming into the season. Everybody go to therapy. Your kids too. The kids too, if they need it a hundred percent. And on that note, if your kids need therapy as a, as a person who sees kids, okay, if your kid needs therapy and we only have a two o'clock spot or a three o'clock spot and your kid doesn't get out until three 30 or four o'clock, guess what? Take that spot because I understand your kids like academics are important, but so is their mental health, right? The school will get over the fact that they are getting pulled outta school an hour or an, or 30 minutes or early once a week or twice or every two weeks or something like that. Uh, we can write a letter to advise the school that they're coming to see us every so often, or here's the frequency or whatever. Um, because if their mental health is not being taken care of, then they're not gonna, they're not gonna excel academically anyway. So, uh, just my soapbox on that for a second. Uh, yeah. Same for you. Same for us as parents. Mm-hmm. Your kids are at school all day. That's the perfect time for you to go to therapy. You have plenty of time for yourself. So do that. I mean, unless you work, you could see us telehealth. Yeah. Just saying, just throwing that out there because the burnout is real. Well, and that, and like, okay. So we're coming back into like sports season and stuff like that. And we don't have to overload ourselves as kid, you know, of the kids and the parents. Yeah.'cause they, so I see so many parents are like, okay, my kid plays this, this, this, this and this sport. It's like, okay, do we really need four? Do we really need five? Um, two, where can we cut back? So we have balance where we have some breathing room so we don't feel burnt out because like if you're burnt out, what do you think the kid's feeling? Can we put the bar back on the floor, lower it? Especially when I see it in these like 7, 8, 9, 10 year olds doing like 50 million sports. It's like, okay, not, this is not to like bash anybody that does this, but not everybody is meant for the pro athletes and not everybody's gonna make it. No. There's that like misconception that like, we have to keep kids busy to keep them outta trouble. Yeah. Right. Like I, I grew up with people that were like, they did travel softball and they did travel soccer and in the off season they did this sport and that sport, and they did cheerleading, they did basketball. And I'm just like, aren't you tired? Well, when does anybody have time to just be a kid? A kid or be a family or be themselves. Right, right. And not have to like, just keep putting it on. And I'm like, isn't the, aren't the parents tired? Like listen, yeah. Raise golf kids life hack. They just wanna listen to metal music and play video game. And I, people will come for me for that, I'm sure playing video games and stuff, but like, they don't wanna play basketball or softball or, and guess what? You don't have to be out on a Saturday morning in the rain, cold and um, or in the heat in the afternoon and stay out for 5, 6, 7, 8 hours a day. And guess what? It's free. I don't have to pay anything except for metal festivals. Those are expensive. They are expensive. Um, but you know, I'll take that over. Sitting out in the rain and cold and having to speak to people. They work. I mean, everybody has their own. I just want everybody to learn what balance is. Yeah. You don't have to do it all. And if your kids love it, fine, cool, let's do it. Right. But I think there's a lot of kids out there that are doing sports like that because they feel like they have to or because they're being told to. So listen to your kids, man. If they don't wanna do it, why are you forcing it? Like, wouldn't you rather be at home with doing some ratchet TV behavior on a Saturday morning than out in the cold or not the cold? Well, yeah,'cause they do stuff in the all season too, right? Like in the cold season. Why would you mm-hmm. Do that to yourself? Just calm down and that sometimes on the weekends, especially during the school year, we don't have to have the day planned out. And it's okay to have a rot day every now and then without the guilt and, and everybody just stayed in their jammies and watched Netflix all day. Right. Ratchet TV behavior. Yes. I love some ratchet TV behavior, you know, like I'm just gonna sit and wa I watched the show on Netflix the other day. I was like, this is good. It had Eric BNA in it, ma'am. I was also the other day I was like, yeah, it's good. It's got Eric Bna in it. You should watch it. He plays in the time Traveler's wife and I swear he looked straight at me and was like. I was like, you know what? That's my bad. I don't, I'm so sorry for assuming that you've seen that movie. I was like, he played Black Hawk Down. And they were like, oh yeah, okay. I was like, he was the sniper with the safety trigger figure. They're like, that guy. I was like, yeah, sorry. You wouldn't know the time Traveler's wife. And that's on me. I'm so sorry. So pick a show and binge it, you know? And then don't feel guilty about sitting and doing nothing, because you don't always have to be busy. Um, let it slide. Guess what? That stuff's not going anywhere. Yep. Give your, those dishes will still be in the sink in the morning. I mean, laundry is kind of important, but that's easy. Like set it and forget it and come back to it later. That takes seven business days. Washing and drying are totally doable. Right. Holding is another story. Yes. Yes. I, um. I, I will wash and dry pretty quickly, but the folding kinda sits there for sure. Unless Tim folds it. He's pretty good about folding. Like, I will pile that stuff up on the couch. It'll be a mountain. And my mom, she's like, Brittany, that's awful. Leave me alone mother. How about that? Yeah. I'm like, look, it's clean. Mom. Don't judge me. If she watches this, she's probably gonna laugh so hard. She's like, oh my gosh, Brittany, why do I get that bad? And I'm like, listen, okay, I, it's clean. Don't judge me. If she comes over to watch the kids, she'll fold it and then I fus it. I'm like, Renee, don't fold my clothes. Um, and then Tim will be like, on night shift or whatever, he can't sleep. And then I'll wake up in the morning and it's all folded and I'm like, yes, but then I have to put it away. But at least it's folded. Absolutely. You gotta, you gotta let stuff fly where you can and give yourself grace. Oh my gosh. Give yourself grace.'cause we're all fighting for our lives here sometimes, you know. And just slow down a little bit. We're all in a hurry to what make them get past another year. Watch them graduate. Because like I, we, me and you are three years out from graduation. I don't not need this to go any faster than what it already is. No, not at all. I'm like, I, I am not ready for Landon to graduate in any capacity because A, he wants to join the military and B I'm just like, he should be in the 11th grade this year. Um, and so I am, that means he would graduate next year. I'm like, what? It's like mine gets his license in December, he's got his permit, he's driving, he has a vehicle. All the things that absolutely terrified me. Yes. And I'm just like, yeah, I'm good right now. Yeah. So, you know, I, uh, I am not ready for school to start. It's gonna come regardless of whether I'm ready or not. So we kind of just gotta go in head first and just make it work where you can, I guess, you know, give yourself some grace going. Yeah

52:43

I wanna thank you for tuning into this episode of Holding In Line with Got Your Six, but we're just a bunch of therapists who talk about the shit nobody wants to talk about. We hope you got something out of it. Stay tuned for more of our upcoming episodes every other week posted to our YouTube channel. Hold it in line GYS. If you wanna help support a podcast, please like this video and subscribe to our channel and share this video with others you think they get something useful out of it. Make sure to follow us on Facebook and Instagram, where we'll post useful information, dark humor, and more of the shit nobody wants to talk about. Go forth and do magical shit everyone.

holdingthelinebacktoschool: 53:18

Learn how to regulate yourself, uh, and email that teacher back. Maybe, maybe, you know, depending on which one of us we are. Yeah. Are we gonna do it within 72 hours or before that or after that? I, I give myself a f on that because the teacher will email me and then she'll send a note home and like the kids' folders are landing, will give me a packet of papers. He is like, Hey, the teacher sent you this to sign your email, but like, you didn't see it. And I was like, Ooh. You already know my OCD behind has already done it the same day, but possibly within the same hour. I get so much junk to that. I, so in the school system, I changed it today to a different email address because it gets so much junk to that email. I don't check it that often unless I've talked to'em on the phone. They're like, Hey, I'm sending you this email because it's so hard to filter out the junk from, like, the important stuff. Um, and so, no, I don't, I don't check that email that often. Every now and then something pop up and I'll check it. But, uh, so that's, that's the problem. It's not that I don't wanna respond, I just miss it. Uh, so that's, that's a negative. That's, I get an FI 100% get an FI don't, I actually, I get like a zero, like, like I guess that's an F but I get lower than like the sixties. That's an f uh, zero for effort. Um, you showed up regulated for work today, pass or fail. Um, I only showed up regulated for work because I talked to you on the way to work. If I didn't have that, it would be a fail because like by the time I start work, I'm probably regulated just because like I had like the drive without both kids. Wow. That's gonna be great. I feel like I am looking forward to that slightly. I'm, I'm gonna feel, I feel really guilty saying that, but I'm slightly looking forward to like the drive to work alone and like that full ish hour by myself. Mm-hmm. So that's gonna be cool. But anyways, uh, so yeah. Regulated before work only because I have an out on the way to work. If I didn't have that, I'd probably be like smashing stuff. Mm-hmm. Mine's after my two cups of coffee. And, and then our fun discussion. Look at your miss. Anti coffee. I've never liked coffee and I. I loathe the smell of coffee. I hate it. Walking into a Starbucks makes me wanna vomit. Like I can't, like if I just smell like somebody making coffee, they're drinking a coffee. Coffee, that's fine. But like Starbucks is overwhelming. I cannot deal with the smell of it. And stale coffee is even worse. Like if I walk in somewhere and I smell stale coffee, they got a coffee pot with like the old grounds in it. Mm-hmm. I'm like, what? Have you seen that girl that like, like gags when she hears co like styro? That's how I feel. I smell. I love it. It's so disgusting. I don't know why. Maybe it's some type of trauma response in childhood. I dunno. This one would be more for me. Showed up in real pants today. Unfortunately I always have to wear real pants. I am, I, I am telehealth. You're, I am coming in my yoga pants. I have a nice top on, but you know what? Who is seeing me from the west down? Even when I am all telehealth, I still have to wear real pants because that doesn't mean that like they're my good yoga pants. Right? I have on good yoga pants right now, but even when I'm all telehealth, it doesn't mean that Haley's all telehealth or Tara's all telehealth. And even if I time it just right to go to the bathroom or whatever, I still feel bad because it will never fail that like someone will come into the office, I, I knock on the door. I do not want to put on my fancy dress pants to sit here. If I, if I work from home at my desk or whatever, even if I have some sort of meeting or whatever, I will still wear a cute top. I'll always wear wear. I'll always either wear a dress or a nice top, but it is never going to be pants that are restricting. I think there's only ever been one time I've worn like a t-shirt in session or a hoodie. Right. And that was like. It snowed or there was something crazy going on outside, and I think I only had one patient that day and I was like, screw it. I in this hoodie. Uh, sorry. Um, uh, I love it. Yeah. So I mean, uh, packing lunches, I have to pack lunches every day. So whether I do the school, the school is a hundred percent paying for right now, so I'm good. Yeah. Our school does not. Um, and so Landon is the only one I don't pack lunches for anymore. He used to just take a bunch of snacks, like some chips, um, like slim gyms. Mm-hmm. And then like a bottle of water, but even now he doesn't, so I, I put money in his, uh, school account and he just gets whatever snack he wants at lunch. Kylie eats breakfast every morning, so I didn't know that. Like they get off the bus and go immediately to breakfast and for like the first three months of her kindergarten year. She was getting off the bus and getting breakfast and they will not deny it to kindergartners. Like they just let them get it. I sent a letter from the school and they were like, hi, hello, you owe us X amount of dollars. And I was like, for what? And they were like, Kylie's been getting breakfast in the cafeteria since day one of school. And I was like, shut up. Yeah, she was negative, like 60 some dollars and I was like, damn. She was like, I had breakfast, I had second breakfast, I had lunch. Yep. They'll not deny children that young. Oh, they'll just let them rack up about, I had to go back and pay 60 some dollars. So anyways, she gets breakfast every morning at school, so that's the only thing she gets. She takes her lunch. So yeah, packing lunches is a, I get an, I get an A for packing lunches'cause I pack them lunch every day. They never not have a lunch. I might scream and fuss and fight while I'm doing it, but um,'cause I hate doing it. Sometimes I, sometimes I get so BA plus if I do it the night before. Nice. Yeah. Yeah. And they have tons of snacks in there. So because they're hangry, it's in Kylie's, IEP, that she gets extra snacks because she gets hangry during the day. Sawyer gonna get emotional support, hash browns. You know what, there's not a McDonald's between here and the school, so he's gonna have, I'm gonna have to buy, I'm gonna have to buy the regular, like McDonald's shaped hash browns. Mm-hmm. And find out where I can get McDonald's papers. So he thinks he is getting emotional support or DoorDash it, I don't know. Right. Like that's a lot of DoorDash. It's a lot of DoorDash, it's a lot of door and at the, and at the time it's just right to be door dashed here on time. Right. Um, so I, I think I'm just gonna have to make him his own hash browns. I wonder if I can buy the McDonald's papers on Amazon. We will look into that or just clear or just plain white ones. He'll never know the difference. As long as it's in the paper, he won't care. I'll draw a yellow m He never eats them, so. Oh yeah. I mean, you know, you do what you can, do what you can. Yeah. Do the best you can for your household. Make a schedule. It's okay that you're not feeling your best all the time. And you know, just look, sometimes it is about surviving and not always thriving and sometimes it's the opposite. You wanna thrive versus survive, choose your battles every day. And, and unpopular opinion is, you know, Landon comes, has come to me throughout the last year or two and he's like, you know what? He's like, I'm just not. He's like, I think I need a mental health day. As adults, we're real quick to be like, I'm not feeling okay today. I'm just not going to work. I don't see how kids are any different. Um, if FLA comes to me and he is like, I need a mental health day. I'm, I'm not, I'm not feeling great today. Like mentally I'm real quick to be like, okay, I don't even question it, right? Because if I'm not, if you and I are not good, I'm staying home. Right? So why can't a child, I say a child, but a teenager verbalize that and you just honor that, right? Yeah. And so I call the school and I'm like, Hey, Landon won't be in today. He is taking a mental health day and whether they decide to excuse that or not is on them. I don't really care. Um, because I feel like in 2025, if somebody wants to take a mental health day, they can. Um, so, and St. Kylie's the same way. She fights with me hard enough and I kind of just give up. I'm like, stay home with your dad. I choose her mental health days. Okay. Um, so I think honoring that for your kids is super important too, you know? So, um. If you need to take it, take it. If your kids need to take it, let'em. They'll thank you for it later. So we appreciate you. Take care of yourselves. Keep tuning in, like share and subscribe. Oh my god. Please, if you watch our video on my life, if you don't hit that freaking like button, I wish I could see who's watching these videos.'cause I will hunt all of you down and climb through your screen and make you hit that. Like hit the like button, okay. And then subscribe. Holy crap. It's not rocket science. You guys have been on YouTube for the last, what, 20 years? Like it, subscribe. Okay. You got it. You guys are intelligent people. I believe in you. All right, that's my soapbox. So like, share and subscribe. All right. Share it on YouTube. Share. Share it on YouTube. Share it on Facebook, Instagram, uh, I don't care. Twitter. Share it on something. As we're getting bigger, I think we're getting lots more views and we've got a couple new subscribers. Thank you guys. Um, and some comments. So, uh, I love that for us, so I like sharing subscribe. Thank you for watching and we'll see you on the next one. Bye.