The Power of Praying With Your Spouse (Even When It's Awkward)

In this episode of the Home and Marriage podcast, Lennon and Christal focus on the importance and benefits of couples praying together. They underscore the vulnerability and intimacy that praying together brings, advocating for prayer as a means to exchange anxiety for peace and to seek God's guidance in decision-making. They share practical tips for couples to integrate prayer into their daily lives, emphasizing its role in fostering closeness to each other and to God. They also mention their 'Six Habits of Happy Couples' course and encourage listeners to make prayer a consistent part of their marriages to strengthen their bond and navigate life's challenges together.

00:00 Welcome to the Home and Marriage Podcast

00:34 Thanksgiving Recap and Holiday Traditions

03:27 Christmas Preparations and Memories

06:12 The Importance of Family Traditions

10:03 Managing Holiday Expectations and Budgets

16:42 Navigating Family Dynamics During the Holidays

22:53 Keeping the True Spirit of Christmas

26:10 Closing Remarks and Encouragement

Transcript

Lennon: 0:03

This is the Home and Marriage podcast with Lennon and Christal Noland, where we help couples become better at home and stronger together. We're husband and wife, parents and ministers who want God's best for our home and for yours. Well, hello friends and welcome to you wherever you are, and whatever you're doing today, uh, it's time for another episode of the show. The coffee is brewed. It's extra special today because I'm wearing Christal's Favorite item of clothing in the world. Do you want to, do you wanna tell him what you love so much about this, this, uh, this piece? It's not even a jacket. It's a piece of fashion.

Christal: 0:41

First of all, how long have you had that jacket? That's what I wanna know.

Lennon: 0:44

It's probably been about five years now.

Christal: 0:47

I feel like it's more like 10 for some reason. Like, I don't even know. But tell me why men. Have this one piece of clothing that they will not get rid of. And it doesn't matter if their wife's like, honey, that looks frumpy. Like that's the, that's the word I would describe That jacket is frumpy.

Lennon: 1:04

Yeah. Yeah. I do think this is a pretty common husband trait, and it's certainly not the only time you've had to. Try to bring me to Jesus concerning some bit of fashion that I just can't let go of Uhhuh. But I love this. It's a, just so you can picture it, friends and all of its glory. It is a what is known now as a chore jacket. Oh, kind of a little beyond a jacket, you know, little heavier material, kinda larger pockets on the front, really. Flexible and comfortable. It's got a little flannel lining inside. They're all the rage right now. But you have assured me that no, no. Yeah, no,

Christal: 1:44

they're, they're the rage in a different way. I mean, I see what I do see those type of jackets are popular, but not quite that one. That one, the sleeves honey, are too short. First of all, why are the sleeves so short? And then second of all, it looks like it's something. That you're trying. It's the knockoff version of the Nicer jacket.

Lennon: 2:07

I'll have, you know, this came from JC Penney, so

Christal: 2:10

yeah. 19,

Lennon: 2:11

I don't know, knock. We're 19 hundreds. Knock off what? JC Penney is the height of fashion.

Christal: 2:15

Well, I, I'm not going to give you a hard time about that anymore. You just can have it and you can wear it. At the house. Okay. Okay. At the house.

Lennon: 2:27

Okay. That's a good, that's a good middle road. And in the meantime, transition point. You can pray that I will see the light about certain things.

Christal: 2:35

Yeah. Because prayer's the only thing that might work for you to finally let go of that jacket.

Lennon: 2:41

It's true. So guys, we want to talk to you about prayer, specifically the power of praying together. Tagline, even when it's awkward, because if this isn't already a habit in your marriage, it can feel kind of difficult to get it going, can it?

Christal: 2:56

Right. I, I think the word awkward can really describe it sometimes, especially if it's been a long time since we prayed together, or maybe you are newlywed. Maybe you've just been married for a little bit and you're learning how to interweave your spiritual lives together more. It can feel really awkward at the beginning. I even remember thinking back to when we first started praying together versus just separately at church or separately in our lives. I remember that feeling. Very different, a little awkward and also really wonderful. It's like you're getting to know another part of that, that person's, life and who they are.

Lennon: 3:36

Yeah, you're absolutely right. Praying together, it's one of the most vulnerable things that we can do. Mm-hmm. Because you, like you say, you're joining two spiritual lives into one, and that is a really important aspect of being married. We've talked a lot about two becoming one flesh, and that that's actually more than just physical intimacy. It is an intertwining of your whole life and your whole self together, and so even if you're not newlywed, this can be difficult for you because a lot of times with prayer, we have kind of a lagging sense of guilt that I, man, I need to pray more. I should pray more. I want to pray more, and specifically with marriage, and I can say this speaking. As A man, if I feel like I haven't been doing a good job of leading in this area spiritually or just pursuing it along with you, I can feel a little ashamed about bringing initiative to it because I'm kinda like, I should already be doing that. She probably knows I should be doing that and is expecting it of me and I'm not doing a very good job. Would you as a woman have those thoughts like, yeah, you should have been doing it, or?

Christal: 4:45

I think for, and I can't speak for all women, but I do feel like for me. I don't think you should feel embarrassed. I think as soon as we recognize it's been a while, let's, let's get back into that habit of praying together. It's something we talk about in our course as well. six habits of happy couples. Sometimes we just get out of a habit and it's not like we don't want to do it, it just, it's just we get outta the habit. So I think. Just letting go of that shame and guilt and say something like, Hey, let's, let's pray tonight. I, it's been a while, you know, and I do think wives can bring it up non-con condemningly in a way of like, Hey honey, why don't we pray about this? We've been going through this, but we really haven't prayed together. I've been praying, maybe you've been praying about it, but there is that power in praying together, which is really in that verse, Ecclesiastes four 12.

Lennon: 5:40

Yeah. So that, that's one of your favorite verses. Yes. And so it says though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves in a chord of three strands is not easily broken. There's some really good imagery here.

Christal: 5:54

Yeah. When I was studying the scripture, I found that the language in it was really talking about the two defending themselves. Are in a position more where they're standing back to back fighting off the enemy together, because how many movies have we even seen like this where maybe there was two people that were outnumbered or three and they are standing back to back fighting off. I

Lennon: 6:19

like these kind of movies.

Christal: 6:20

I do too. I actually really like those kind of movies. But that is a powerful image when you think about it. I guess before when I've read this, verse I'm just thinking of two people, you know, fighting wherever, but they're really standing in a position that. That will make a big difference. They're standing back to back fighting off the enemy. And so two, doing that together is way more powerful than one person by themselves. They can't see behind them. That's true. And then you, you weave in the main thing, which is the third strand, the Lord. Right. And I love in this scripture, the third strand is interwoven between the two. So what a powerful thought to think about how God can be interwoven into us, which that is what makes all the difference

Lennon: 7:11

yeah, it's particularly powerful because as a married couple you have the same worries, but way too often we worry separately instead of praying together, and so we can, it's interesting because we can both be in bed. Stressed out over the same set of circumstances and we just kinda lay there and do that. Mm-hmm. As opposed to, uh, you know, we don't have to be individually overpowered here. We can defend ourselves, we can go to the Lord in prayer. And you're absolutely right. With the weaving in of God into the relationship. One of the things I like to say is that if you're a big worrier, you're almost a prayer warrior. The difference is in worry, we turn something over in our mind and stress about it more. And in being a prayer warrior, that just means that our first reaction is to give it to God, give it to God. And of course, in marriage and the emphasis of what we're talking about today, it's not just do that yourself. Do that together.

Christal: 8:12

Right. There's been many times that we have been in bed. This exact thing you're saying has happened to us where we're laying there stressed about something. But when if you say, honey, how about we pray about that? You know, it might be kind of hard to be like, yeah, let's. Let's not worry and pray. I don't know why that's hard. It's a struggle in a way. Does that, do you know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah. To get out of your mind. Yes. Of your own worry, and then to turn to God with it. But it's the best thing we can do. And I know when we done that, there's been a shift completely in our peace. Yes. In our hope, you know, we, it just changes everything.

Lennon: 8:54

It does. And one of the things I could encourage, uh, husbands with specifically is that in speaking of the kind of, I, I should be taking initiative more or whatever, just start, just do it. But in the dynamics of our marriage, in the circumstance that you're talking about, which has happened dozens and dozens, if not a hundred or more times in our marriage, where we're, do you wanna pray about this? Yes. You, I've always observed this in you. There is a sense of relief that is tangible with you as a person after we pray.

Christal: 9:30

Yeah. And I think it goes back to that, verse in Ecclesiastes because when someone initiates, let's pray about it. And I know for me when you've done that and I feel like, okay, my husband trusts in the Lord and he goes to the Lord for these things and it makes me have a sense of like,, I'm secure. I'm okay. I'm protected. There's just something about that with you turning to the Lord, not just in your own strength. Right. Yeah. That makes me feel as your wife, just peaceful and protected and it's gonna be okay because we both trust in the Lord together.

Lennon: 10:07

Yeah. Let's talk more about kind of that what happens when we pray together. Mm-hmm. Not, not just in a sense of wellbeing after we say amen. Because sometimes. Um, wellbeing may be a lag measure. You know, you may be waiting on that, but it still starts with prayer. What are some of the things that happen when we pray together?

Christal: 10:27

Well, like we've been saying, but the first one is we do trade our anxieties for hope and peace. That's the first thing that happens. We give our anxiety over to God and we trade that for hope and peace, which I think is a great trade situation.

Lennon: 10:41

It's a, it's a good trade off.

Christal: 10:42

Yeah, it is. And um, so in Philippians four, six through seven, it says, and I know a lot of people. Listening, know this verse very well, don't worry about anything but in everything through prayer and petition with Thanksgiving, present your request to God and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.

Lennon: 11:06

I love what Paul emphasizes there and what he doesn't like. We know and we believe, and we've seen that prayer changes things. Mm-hmm. But not every prayer leads to a miraculous in the moment, relief or transformation about what you're praying for. Um, but Paul emphasizes the peace of God rather than the worry and anxiety that's pressing down on you, the peace of God, which surpasses understanding. So the understanding could be so, Lord, is this gonna change? Or how soon is it gonna happen? Or will we be able to get through the month? But that peace of God is gonna guard your heart. And sometimes the peace comes before the answer.

Christal: 11:47

Yeah,

Lennon: 11:48

peace comes in prayer sometimes before an answer does. And whenever we're both more peaceful. That's huge.

Christal: 11:54

It is. It is. And I was actually listening to a message the other day by Tim Keller and it was on peace. And one of the things he's, he noted about people who had peace and were giving their burdens to the Lord. They thanked the Lord in that situation before they ever saw. What God was gonna do, and there was a peace that came with that because of the thankfulness by saying, God, I thank you that whatever this situation turns out to be. You are gonna be in it, you're gonna do what's best. And it's not the situation of like, well, I'm gonna wait and see what God does. Or maybe this certain situation would turn out the way that I'm thinking it will and then I'll thank him. It was not that it was I Thank you, Lord. Now that you are in this and you're gonna help us through this, however it However you do it.

Lennon: 12:49

That's really powerful and it makes me think of whenever Jesus soon to be crucified, tells his disciples, my peace. I leave with you. My peace I give you. I don't give peace as the world gives. The world can give peace if everything is lining up, if everyone's acting right. Mm-hmm. And if we have plenty of money in the bank, but the piece that Jesus gives us transcends that. So. That is the first thing that happens in prayer. It's huge. We trade anxiety for hope and peace.

Christal: 13:16

Yeah.

Lennon: 13:18

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Christal: 14:35

Well, the second one is we seek God's guidance for decisions. So when we pray together, we're, we're seeking his guidance for whatever decisions we have, and we know that life is full of decisions.

Lennon: 14:50

It is, and decisions are oftentimes a point of contention or conflict because these two people trying to become one. Can see the same set of circumstances in a different way. Right? Whether that's like addressing something with one of your children or what to prioritize financially or whatever, we can see things differently and so we need to seek God's guidance together.

Christal: 15:15

Yeah. And we have had many big decisions in our lives, right? Like, can I first say the thing not to do is make a big decision and then just tell your spouse, this is what I did and this is how it's gonna be. Right. That's a good thing not to do.

Lennon: 15:30

Yeah. Don't lean on your Trump card if you're a husband, and be like, well, uh, I'm the leader of this home, and she should submit to me as to the Lord. Those things may be true, but do you want a happy marriage or not? That's the question.

Christal: 15:43

That is Right. And so like, thinking back on some of the big decisions we've made, um, we've made a cross country move across the US from Texas to North Carolina. We've made a huge move. Yeah. When our, we had babies and we also had another decision that we ended up moving back to Texas. Those big decisions that we made. We couldn't have just done that on our own. We needed God's help together and we needed to both hear from the Lord in it.

Lennon: 16:11

We did. Can I share a story Yeah. About that? So whenever we were getting, we were preparing for a move to North Carolina, leaving Texas, we. Knew that it would happen, but we didn't have a sense of timing, friends, and so we were really wrestling with that and kind of kicking the can down the road. So we were at a conference and we had this big decision hanging on our heads, and in our hearts that we were really wrestling with. And I remember so specifically, it was a Saturday afternoon, we were in our hotel room talking about this sense of, I feel like we need to pull the trigger, but we don't know about timing. And I'll never forget it. It's one of the most important moments in my spiritual life and in our marriage. We knelt down at the bed together, we prayed and said, God, if you would be so kind as to give us a burning bush of, of timing, a sense of timing, we will put the for sale sign in the yard. We will sell, we will move. And God didn't owe us that, but God is, is kind. And so. That night, we had a night session at the conference, and we are Christians and we believe wholeheartedly that the Holy Spirit can speak to believers and speak through believers. Mm-hmm. And a man who we met that night, who has since become a tremendous friend, came and began to talk to us and felt like God was giving him something to share with us. What he said specifically was first a question, is God asking you guys to make any significant moves in your life right now? Do you remember that moment?

Christal: 17:50

I, I remember it like yesterday. Seriously, when he said that to us, it was like, it was, it was amazing to me that God answered that prayer in that way. So. Whenever he said that to us, I, I started crying. Right.

Lennon: 18:08

Yeah. And I, my lips began to tremble. Right. I'm a I'm a man. You held it together. Yeah, I held it together slightly, but yeah, that it was a very emotional moment. And we didn't give him details. I just said, yes sir. And he said, well, what the Lord is asking you guys to do is gonna be the hardest thing you've ever done. But you're gonna love it. And he said, leaving your family is going to be difficult. Everybody in our family is from Texas. Mm-hmm. And we're moving across the country. Leaving your family is gonna be difficult, but you won't be strangers. God is going to be good to you where you are going.

Christal: 18:45

Yeah.

Lennon: 18:46

What a thing. Mm-hmm. We needed wisdom for a decision. We threw ourselves on the mercy of God, not just me. But us together. And God was kind enough to bring us to a common understanding.

Christal: 18:59

Yeah. And I think what that did for our marriage, it, it made our marriage more of a team. Yeah. Too, because we did this, we sought the Lord together. It wasn't just you alone or one person alone seeking the Lord. But we did that together. And what that did for us, really, I think. Made us more as one, it's so important. I really do. I, the thing that we've always talked about is. I think the Lord, when you're making a big decision, I think the Lord can guide both of you together. Yeah. And so pray for that. Ask. If you're making a big decision, say, Hey, let's pray together. If you, if you're married to a believer, that could be something that they are also praying about, seeking the Lord about and wanting to have a sense to hear from the Lord about.

Lennon: 19:45

It's true. And we've seen it. You mentioned that that moment in our life made us more of a team, and that's what really praying together does. We grow closer, not just to God, but we grow closer to each other in the process of growing closer to God.

Christal: 19:59

Yeah, that definitely happens. We, we grow closer together. And so first of all, it, it does create a sense of intimacy. We know, even when we're feeling distant from one another, by praying together, it really does bring us closer, doesn't it?

Lennon: 20:15

Yes it does.

Christal: 20:16

And I think too, you can just do so much more together. I do wanna bring this up again, but it does bring a sense of security in your marriage when you're drawing closer to God together. And so I know for me, when I see you in prayer, maybe I walk in the room like the other day you were praying and it really gives me this sense of like. Things are gonna be okay. My husband's praying as well. It's not just me trying to pray over whatever situation I know that you're praying too, and there's something about that that just gives me this peace, like we said earlier. So I, I know for me it makes a big difference seeing you pray and then us praying together.

Lennon: 20:57

We've talked about it and thought about it before, kinda like a triangle. If you look at those three points and assume the higher point is, is God, his kingdom, his will, and that is we are pursuing that together. Each of us at the one of the two bottom points, we come closer together in the process.

Christal: 21:14

Right?

Lennon: 21:15

Sometimes prayer can be hard, makes you feel really vulnerable. You can suddenly, even though you talk all day, feel terribly incompetent with your words. Whenever you go to start talking to God. Don't make it complicated. Just begin.

Christal: 21:31

Mm-hmm. Just

Lennon: 21:32

get started. You can't get it wrong. If you're talking to God together, you're doing something right, no matter how elementary your beginnings may be. And it never needs to get complicated. It just needs to happen.

Christal: 21:45

It does. And there are some practical ways to just start praying together. I'll say a lot of couples out there, they're not together during the day. They're both working jobs separately or running errands. They're doing their own things. So one of the easiest ways to just pray together is that time in bed before you go to sleep to connect. Then you know, say, Hey, is there anything you wanna pray about before we go to sleep? That's a really good time. If you are on different schedules and you don't see each other a lot during the day, very simple way to just start praying together.

Lennon: 22:17

That's true. And another one, don't underestimate the mealtime prayer. The mealtime prayer gets a lot of flack.

Christal: 22:24

Oh, does it? Yeah.

Lennon: 22:25

Hey, before dinner, before meal. Hey, let's pray. People are like, oh, check the box and blah, blah, blah.

Christal: 22:29

Yeah,

Lennon: 22:30

no, we are, we're gonna pause and pray together. What we're after is making prayer, reminding ourselves that prayer is a natural thing. Mm-hmm. This is part of our lives. Yeah. It's what sort of like drinking water. Mm-hmm. You know, you go along without drinking water. You feel it in your body. If you go along without praying, you feel it in your relationship with the Lord. Yeah. I mean, I'm making this up as I go, but just as water hydrates the body and keeps things moving, so does our prayer to God, it keeps us spiritually aware that our life is saturated with his presence.

Christal: 23:04

Yeah, and the more you do it, the more you're gonna wanna. Keep praying together. I just think it's gonna become normal to you when you do pray. And so start, start small, start at bedtime, start at mealtimes, and then keep praying. Pray over those things like of course, big decisions. Pray over your finances. of course it's easier sometimes to just, let's pray about the kids. Sometimes like, that's a good starting point. Let's, let's pray for the kids tonight. If

Lennon: 23:31

you have kids, you always have something to pray about. Mm-hmm. Because you always have something to worry about. And it's this, these little people or these grown people that came from you that you love.

Christal: 23:43

Exactly. And then, you know, career decisions, we've talked about that with moves or, Maybe God's leading me into this new thing, this new endeavor. Let's pray about that. Will you pray with me about that? So those are things you can bring to the Lord together.

Lennon: 23:59

My boss is all over me at work. I don't know if I can keep working here or I if, if it's carry, if you're carrying it on your shoulders. Share it with your spouse and share it with God.

Christal: 24:11

And you don't have to have all this eloquent speech to pray well, right? Yeah. Start small. I think that's one of the intimidating things about praying with your spouse is you might feel like you've gotta have all these perfect words to say,'cause you're praying out loud in front of someone else,

Lennon: 24:26

right?

Christal: 24:27

You don't have to have that. You do not. It could just be, God, will you help us You know this situation. Please help us know what to do.

Lennon: 24:34

That's more than enough. Yeah. More than enough. Yeah. And, and then the last thing I would say in terms of kinda what do you pray about? Not everything has to be a need. In fact, not everything should be a need. Pray about talk to God about things that you're grateful for. Yeah. That's what gratitude is. What are you thankful for? What are things that you wanted in the past that you've forgotten that you have now? Mm-hmm. And one of the questions that I love to ask is if we woke up tomorrow and only had the things that we had thanked God for in the last few months, what would we be left with so that you may not own the house of your dreams right now, but thank God for your rental. You know, your kids may not be acting right, but you wanted to be a mom and a dad and, and God blessed you with children Once you start finding things to thank God for, you start noticing a lot more things to thank God for in a, in a prayer life that's marked by gratitude is really joyful. Mm-hmm. And that does something for a married couple as well, because sometimes life can become all about getting through the next day or dealing with the next issue. But no, God has been good to us. Yeah. And we're talking to him about it. And you know what, I kinda love you too. We have a, we have a, we have a life together. Mm-hmm. That's good.

Christal: 25:50

Yeah. That's really good. I love the thankfulness together.'cause on your own it's important, but when you thank the Lord for what you do have and what he's done, it reminds your spouse as well. Oh yeah. We are so blessed. Look at this and that. And it helps you just connect in that way of, of thankfulness. So I love that. I will also just say that. First of all, life is more spiritual than we think.

Lennon: 26:13

Yes, we

Christal: 26:13

don't wanna be kooky and think every little thing, I didn't get that parking spot. Must be the devil. You know? We don't wanna be those people. But at the same time, we've gotta recognize that we have an enemy especially the enemy does not love that a couple's praying together or praying over their family. No. So don't be surprised if you start your prayer life and you start, devoting time to we're gonna pray together. Don't be surprised if you have some things that come against you or make it more difficult for you to do so. So remember that, That just means you're on the right track.

Lennon: 26:48

It does. Let's close this way. At the end of Jesus's Sermon on the Mount, he talks about not worrying about what we'll eat or what we'll wear all the things and pressures of life. And he says that we don't have to do that because we belong to God. And Jesus wraps up the Sermon of the Mount saying, if we will just seek first the kingdom of God, all the basic needs will be provided for us, and that we don't have to worry about tomorrow. Tomorrow will worry about itself. He's with us right now. And so what we wanna remind you of is that God has a will and plan for. Your marriage. We access that will and plan through prayer. And that prayer aligns our life with his purpose. Your life, your marriage is bigger than the problems you're facing right now. God's purposes for the two of you together are bigger than your pain, and your marriage will become clearer and stronger every time you pray together. So let's get started.

Christal: 27:46

Friends, thank you for joining us today. Don't forget to follow or subscribe so you never miss an episode. We drop new ones every Tuesday. If today's conversation encouraged you, would you please take a minute to leave a review? It really helps more people find the show and join our community. You can visit us@homeandmarriage.com for more resources. Like our six Habits of Happy Couples course, and if you'd like us to come speak at your church or event, you can schedule us through the website. You can also follow along on Instagram, Facebook, or TikTok. All of the links are in the show notes.

Lennon: 28:26

We really do believe that home can be your favorite place. We'll be back again next week with more encouragement and wisdom to help you become better at home and stronger together.