New Year Marriage Reset: What Worked, What Didn't, And Where We Can Grow

New Year Marriage Reset: Reflect, Improve, and Connect

In this episode of the Home and Marriage Podcast, we discuss the importance of growth in marriage and introduce a 'New Year Marriage Reset.' We talk about reflecting on what worked well in the past year, identifying areas for improvement, and setting actionable steps to achieve these improvements. We emphasize the importance of effective communication, scheduling quality time together, and leaning on spiritual practices like prayer. This episode also features insights into managing change and maintaining a healthy relationship dynamic. 

00:00 Introduction and New Year Greetings
00:40 Reflecting on the Past Year
01:31 New Year, New Goals
02:32 Marriage Reset: What Worked Well?
08:57 Marriage Reset: Areas for Improvement
15:49 Creating an Action Plan
18:06 Resources and Final Thoughts

Transcript

Lennon 0:03

Marriages are always growing, or I guess. What's the opposite of growing?

Christal 0:11

I think it's just going backwards. I feel like there's a really good saying that could go here, that could rhyme too. If you're not growing, you're slowing. Slowing. Yeah. There you go.

Lennon 0:20

I like that. If you're not growing, you're slowing. Yeah. This is the Home and Marriage Podcast with Lennon and Christal Noland, where we help couples become better at home and stronger together. Where husband and wife, parents and ministers who want God's best for our home and for yours. Well, friends Christmas is gone. A new year is upon us. It's gonna be a good one. So Happy New Year to you.

Christal 0:46

Today is the Monday of All Mondays, as I've heard. We're back to normal life after the holidays.

Lennon 0:51

And I've gotta be honest, we had a really great Christmas. We had a great break. And getting into today has felt like a grind.

Christal 1:00

It has. Oh, it really has. You, you went back to the gym this morning, didn't you?

Lennon 1:05

I did, and I'm telling you, whenever that alarm went off, 5 25 this morning. First of all, I hit snooze and I just laid there for a while when I finally got up. I don't know if you've ever seen that meme with a bear that's coming out of hibernation. It's like kind of a white bear. He looks so beat up. He looks like he's been through it. That's how I felt. And I drug into the gym and uh, I got it done, but I wasn't happy about it.

Christal 1:31

Well, Lennon, this is a new year, which means a new year, new you right?

Lennon 1:35

That's right. Is this, are

Christal 1:35

we now supposed to be completely different people?

Lennon 1:39

Absolutely. This is the year I get. This is the year I get abs. This is the year that we become millionaires.

Christal 1:45

Ooh,

Lennon 1:46

uh, all things are possible. Sounds good in this year.

Christal 1:48

I saw a church post the saying New year. Same God. I really like that because it's like we always have things that we're trying to improve on and work on. Right? We wanna do better on or we wanna see happen.

Lennon 2:01

Yes.

Christal 2:02

But we serve the same God, which is pretty cool.

Lennon 2:05

That is really cool and that's really encouraging because God is the only one who can never change and that's good for us. He's, he's always loving, he's always patient. He always has plans for his people. That's kind of good to remember whenever we're looking into a new year, thinking of all the things that need to improve and need to change, that God's love is, is steadfast, and he is not waiting on us to bat a thousand before he loves us as we are.

Christal 2:32

And today we're gonna go with that theme of the new year. Today's episode is about a new year marriage reset. What worked, what didn't, and where can we grow?

Lennon 2:45

Right? The idea here is that no marriage is a static thing. It's, it's not the case for anybody, right? That whenever you get married, you're done and you're good at it all and you're set for a lifetime. Marriages are always growing, or I guess. What's the opposite of growing?

Christal 3:05

I think it's just going backwards. I feel like there's a really good saying that could go here, that could rhyme too. If you're not growing, you're slowing. Slowing. Yeah. There you go.

Lennon 3:14

I like that. If you're not growing, you're slowing. Yeah. No, you, you are two different people, as we've talked about before, trying to become one, trying to live together. You're people with preferences. And dreams and all of these kinds of things that are very much affected by the other realities of your life, whether that's age or kids or finances, marriage always provides this kind of fertile soil for, for growing,

Christal 3:39

if we're not sharing vision together and looking forward to things and how we wanna grow. We're probably just going backwards,

Lennon 3:48

right? And there's no need to do that. So what we want to do today with you friends, is we wanna walk you through a conversation that you can have. Uh, we're gonna give you three questions, and what we encourage you to do is grab a cup of coffee schedule 30 minutes together to look each other in the eye. And talk about a few key questions. This is an incredibly complicated, and it's also gonna be very, very hopeful. And so we're gonna unpack those now.

Christal 4:14

And the first one is to ask the question, what worked well for us? So what actually went really well this year in our marriage? H

Lennon 4:24

What worked well is a really important question. Whenever you're evaluating something as sensitive and precious as your marriage, and a lot of times whenever, we're wanting to improve. We go straight to. Things that need to be fixed. Mm. But whenever you ask yourself what is working well, it gives you a chance to double down on something where you're winning.

Christal 4:45

Yeah.

Lennon 4:46

And that's a great thing to do.

Christal 4:48

I really like this question'cause I think it starts it off filling your cup up, first of all. And so you're, you're discussing back and forth what are the things you did enjoy about our marriage this year? What can we, we gotta keep doing that'cause that worked really well. And so I love starting with this question.

Lennon 5:05

Yeah. It's way too easy not to start with that and it's, we're already intimately aware. Of areas where we need to improve. We may be too easily offended to talk about it or a little sensitive, but to be reminded that, hey, this is really where you're doing a great job as as a wife or as a husband. That's important. I will tell you where I learned the power of a good question. I was doing a life plan retreat years ago with a facilitator, a guy named Sam Farina, really wise man. I was going through a place of trying to get vision for the next stretch of my vocation. And so the idea was to spend two days kind of an intensive reflection, answering questions, uh, dreaming and praying about the future, and we kicked off the whole thing. Sam looked me in the eyes and he said, okay, in your life right now, what is right? I did not expect that question because I'm like, we're here to fix things. And whenever he said What is right, and I had to think and make a list of all the things in my life, in our marriage, in my job, that were going very well, suddenly I had a lot to be thankful for, and I realized I wasn't starting from scratch.

Christal 6:15

Yeah, I think even even a struggling marriage has something that they're winning at, something that they are doing well at. So I think it's good to focus on that because it helps us see that not everything's bad. It's kind of like if when we start to work in gratefulness, what? What are we grateful for? Other things don't seem so bad,

Lennon 6:32

right? So if romance is kind of hit and miss right now, but you've made progress at getting out of debt. Like, celebrate that. If you feel like you found a spark in your sex life in the last part of this year, celebrate that. Mm-hmm. No one's gonna celebrate your marriage for you.

Christal 6:47

That's right. I know. Just for our marriage, speaking personally, our marriage had a year full of big changes. We had a huge job change, a church change, so many things happened that could have derailed our romance life or our, our marriage life. But I love that the foundation of the date night and be connecting with one another through. Having date nights time set aside for just us, I think really carried us through that year of changes.

Lennon 7:20

Yeah. Date night is something we talk a lot about and it's because of course we believe in it, but also it has saved us. Yeah. Through some really tough seasons where it would've been really easy to drift apart or be frustrated. It really has. We did keep a date night. Well, always on the calendar. Never taken off, sometimes moved. But we never let it go.

Christal 7:41

Yeah.

Lennon 7:42

So we did do date night's. Well, I think we also, this year, and maybe we were just aware of our need for God. I feel like we leaned into praying together. Mm-hmm. Better than we ever have in our marriage.

Christal 7:54

I do too. I, I really sensed this year we had some moments where we were put back in a place where we really had to rely on God for, for things and needs that maybe before we were really comfortable with, but we were back to a place where we really trusting the Lord in ways that we hadn't in a, in a while in that area. I'm, I'm proud of us. I'm glad we did this.'cause I think it's very easy to do the opposite and pull away from one another and stress out. But. Prayer was our lifeline. And I think when we prayed together and we saw that we were both trusting the Lord together, we were in it together. I really do think we grew spiritually that way this year.

Lennon 8:38

Yeah. So friends, just like, those are our two areas. I guarantee you, you guys have some areas where you're doing really well. Take some time to reflect on that, to thank God for it. To thank each other for it as a couple. Don't take for granted the things in your marriage that are going well.

Christal 8:56

That's right. Our second question that we will ask one another that we have asked one another is where can we improve? Now this is not a time to point fingers, start accusing one another. No. And also if you're on the other end of hearing the things that your spouse is saying, you really have to be willing to hear them out and. Our automatic response sometimes can be to get offended and put up walls, but try your best, I think through this conversation to open your heart to your spouse, because I really believe that when we're talking about these things, they're hard, first of all to talk about, right? It's not like easy, right? Telling the other, well, maybe for some people it may be easy saying, oh, I know what you can improve on, but. I think if we're working together on saying, here's where we can improve, I'd love to see this and saying it in a way that's not accusatory can really be beneficial to your marriage.

Lennon 9:57

Right. Even the question of where can we improve? That is a helpful way of phrasing something. Yeah. Because there's hope in it. Where can we get better? It's not what needs to stop right now. Yeah. If we're gonna stay married. No. It's where can we, where can we improve? The thing about improvement is it brings a lot of hope just when there's a sign of it. Like, we don't just get encouraged when a transformation is complete. Mm-hmm. It's encouraging just to see the commitment, the willingness to listen and the effort to begin, uh, doing whatever needs to be done a little bit better. And so some examples of this, you know, you, it may be the case that one of you shares with the other. You know, I feel like getting home from work late kind of became really normal this last year and it made evenings really. Like really unpredictable. Uh, that's something I would like to improve on. Or maybe one of you feels like a romance has gotten a little stale. Like we always do the same things. It's always order a pizza and watch the office. Kinda like to do something different there.

Christal 11:06

Yeah. We've even had over the years check-ins where we have talked through these things and found out that the other person. Didn't even realize, oh, that's not going as well as I thought it was. And so I think it's a really good moment to say, Hey honey, it would mean a lot to me. If maybe the things on the list to do, if you could focus on those at home, some more

Lennon 11:31

uhhuh, and how do

Christal 11:31

I know that? Because we've talked about these things before. Yes.

Lennon 11:35

We have talked about these things before and something very important right here. That has honestly been a struggle for me. And I can say I've gotten a lot better at it and I can say I'm not where I want to be with it. Is that in having an improvement conversation? You as a husband, you as a wife, you cannot go into it defensive. Yeah. Like with your guard up because this person you love is really kind of opening their heart and trusting you, especially in a conversation like this. Yeah. Where we've talked about what's going great. And we're saying, where can we improve? If my defenses go up right away and I get overly sensitive and I start defending myself, you're not gonna have a whole lot of hope that things can improve. Yeah. You're, it's, it's gonna sort of verify what is a trend in some marriages that is, I just can't talk about. Things that I'd like to see improve without them feeling like I hate them or they feel so attacked.

Christal 12:34

You know what I've learned through these discussions we've had over the years, I remember one specific time where we would talk, we were talking about this through a check-in for the new year, and I remember one thing I heard from you was the way that I approach you about something that's wrong. The way I say it, like'cause it, I think it was definitely. Not meaning to, but it, it came across accusing versus saying, honey, there's something that I feel is happening. Can we talk about that? You know, like it was, it really opened my eyes to the way I was communicating to you, and if we didn't have that conversation, I don't know if I would've grown in that area.

Lennon 13:15

Well, that is such an important point because on my side, I am responsible for my response to you. And I need to be willing to listen, but part of being in a loving relationship is that we're both trying to do our best for the other. Yeah. So I need to do that with you. But what you were talking about right there is, is a very skillful thing that there's a way that my husband will hear me and there's a way that he will just feel hurt and not hear me. And so that's a very kind thing, honestly of, of you to do and a kind thing that any of us can do for each other.

Christal 13:47

Yeah. And if we didn't have these conversations, we wouldn't know. I think these conversations give space so we can just get better and get closer. Yeah, so, and I love that verse in song Solomon two 15. It says, catch for us the foxes. The little foxes that ruin the vineyards our vineyards that are in bloom. That that verse is really more powerful than you think

Lennon 14:12

it is. And the verse is specifically for a romantic couple, not wanting their romance to get taken out by little things that could become big things. Mm-hmm. And so the picture here in an agricultural society is of a vineyard. And Varmint foxes, you know, maybe around here in Texas, more raccoons than foxes, I don't know. But getting in chewing at the vines and destroying the future fruit that the farmer is hoping for whenever he planted the crop.

Christal 14:42

Right.

Lennon 14:42

And the idea of little improvements and catching little foxes is that things that become big in marriage don't start big. Mm-hmm. And they're a lot easier to catch while they're small. If we will pay attention. And that's what, this is, a conversation of what worked well for us and where can we improve. It's an opportunity to catch some little foxes and run'em away from the vineyard before they have a chance to do damage.

Christal 15:07

Right? This is all about communication, and so when we're doing this check-in or when we're trying to. Work on areas that we need to, and we're talking through this. It's also saying to your spouse, I'm willing to communicate better with you. I'm willing to open up about this. So the communication in this is the key.

Lennon 15:28

It is. And this keeps our faith in one another high.

Christal 15:31

Yeah.

Lennon 15:32

And improvement said it earlier, but it's a lifeline long before a super visible transformation is complete. And so make these observations in a way that gives hope, like we can improve here. I'm, I'm really excited that you're hearing me. It's, it's gonna help a lot.

Christal 15:48

Okay. And number three, our third question is where do we start? And so we've talked about all this, like what has gone well, what can we improve? And now we're getting into how do we really carry this out? And so you may feel like there's a lot to work on. Maybe through your conversation you're like, wow, there's a lot of things here that we really gotta get better on. But we say this in our course of the six habits. Of happy couples. We say to start with one thing and focus on that together and then move on to the next because nobody can get better at a million things at once.

Lennon 16:25

No, you can't. A million things at once or honestly, even four or five things at once are probably too many things. And so yes, lean into one thing for. The next couple of weeks or the next month, give that your full focus. And what that'll do is it'll be kind of like gas in the tank that's gonna help you go further. You're gonna be encouraged, you're gonna be like, oh, we can really move ahead here. And so that's the deal. Focus on one, focus on two, and build from there.

Christal 16:55

Right, and maybe some new rhythms need to be in place for you to improve on the area you are wanting to improve on. And so talk about that. Like what can we start doing in our day-to-day lives that are, that is gonna help accomplish this and get better at this. So maybe it's date nights on the calendar, maybe you actually need to schedule them, which we do. We schedule them

Lennon 17:18

and there's a reminder alert. Right? Even though, even though they're weekly, a reminder pops up.

Christal 17:23

Yeah. Because life gets crazy. Life gets busy, the calendar gets full. So maybe you need that on the calendar to help you start connecting better. Maybe it's an actual, like this what we're doing today, marriage check-in. Maybe you need to schedule a few check-ins periodically, just so you know if you're on the same page. Or how are things going, you know? Or maybe what if it's something like. You're working on how to get things done in the house and, and you just decide who's responsible for what, so you can work together as a team.

Lennon 17:55

Yeah, you've gotta have an execution plan because otherwise you can feel like you made progress by talking about it, but talking about it just sets you up for the progress, right? You have to walk it out. And so friends, a tool that we have, Christal mentioned it a moment ago, but is our six Habits of Happy Couples course. One of the things that we believe with all of our heart is that it's not grand gestures that are the foundation of a great marriage. It's the little things. And if you can change something little that you do every day, you can change the destiny of your marriage. And so in our Six Habits of Happy Couples Course, we talk about how to check the gauges of your relationship. Uh, we talk about the sexual connection, how to make magic happen. We talk about navigating conflict. All of these things for less than the price of a date night.

Christal 18:49

Yeah. And you need to give him the coupon code too.

Lennon 18:51

Yeah. If you go to. Home and marriage.com. And if you click on courses, you'll see our six Habits of Happy Couples course. Right there, it's for$70, but for you as a listener of the podcast, if you put in the code, uh, podcast 20, you'll get$20 off there. It'll be$50 for a course. It's about what honey? Like an hour and a half of content. We didn't wanna overwhelm anybody.

Christal 19:18

Right. It's something very doable to, like, I have a friend who, her and her husband are taking one habit, uh, per week or whatever. They watch it together, they talk about it, and then they do another one later. It's really simple and it's very doable. And so I, I just wanna encourage couples at the end of this talk. Maybe it brought out some awareness. In your marriage and just an awareness of where you wanna go. And maybe now you have more hope for what's to come this year in 2026? Most importantly, I think we need to connect spiritually. And so after you've had this talk, get together and pray right then and there. Pray about what God is doing in your lives. Pray about. Areas you need to work on yourself or forgive one another in, and, and pray over that so you're ready for the new year.

Lennon 20:11

Well, friends, that's it for today. Don't forget to follow or subscribe so you never miss an episode. And if this episode was an encouragement to you, would you share it with somebody that you think it will encourage? Again, you can go to home and marriage.com for more resources, and you can also follow us along on Instagram, Facebook, or TikTok. All the links are in our show notes.

Christal 20:32

Thank you for joining us on the Home and Marriage Podcast. We really do believe that home can be your favorite place. We'll be back again next week with more encouragement and wisdom to help you become better at home and stronger together.