The Power of Words In Parenting

Every home has a tone, and your words are one of the greatest tools God has given you to shape it.

Hey we've all been there and said the wrong things while parenting! But there's hope as always so in this episode we want to encourage you that your words and the tone matters. 

We share personal stories of how words from our parents shaped us and how we hope to make our words count with our children.

We break down four essential types of communication every parent needs: words of affection and encouragement, loving and healthy correction, celebrating character over accomplishments, and intentionally speaking about God’s love. This conversation is a reminder that when our words are balanced with truth, grace, and love, they can build confidence, faith, and strong character in our children.

Thank you for listening!

Transcript

Lennon 0:02

This is the Home and Marriage Podcast with Lennon and Christal Noland, where we help couples become better at home and stronger together. We are husband and wife, parents and ministers who want God's best for our home and for yours.

Christal 0:17

Well friends, thank you for joining us again on the Home and Marriage Podcast. We're so glad that you have decided to click on the play button and join us in the worldwide. Studios of home and marriage, which is AKA our bedroom.

Lennon 0:31

It is, it is. It is the finest studio that we've ever had, and it serves multiple purposes, so praise God for that. Well, we've got a great show for you today. We want to talk to you about the power of Words in parenting, and just before we get into that, we just wanna thank you for being a part of this endeavor here that we were so excited to start just a few weeks ago. We were talking yesterday, we've only been in this thing for about three months

Christal 0:58

yeah. It's only been three months and. Lennon, I'm so excited because we have had over 647 downloads and most in the US and now we have friends that are listening from the uk, Singapore, and Vietnam. I just wanna shout out to all of you who are listening even overseas. Thank you for joining us and we're excited about the future and what's to come in 2026 on the podcast.

Lennon 1:26

We're basically Joe Rogan now. Yeah. The most listened to podcasts in the world. We have hundreds and hundreds of downloads. I'm pretty sure he gets like a million in episode or something. Nuts.

Christal 1:37

And we also wanna say, if you have a topic that you would love us to talk about, you can email us at info@homeandmarriage.com. I'll put that in the show notes as well. But you can email us and we'd love to hear from you. And what are the things or subjects that you would love for us to discuss?

Lennon 1:54

If it has to do with the dynamics of your home, the relationship between husband and wife or parenting, we'd love to hear what's important to you so that we know how to be more helpful to you.

Christal 2:04

That's right.

Lennon 2:05

Okay, let's jump into our topic today. The power of your words in parenting, words in general parenting or not, are incredibly powerful. When you go home at the end of the day, sometimes things that a customer or a boss or coworker have said to you, they are bouncing in your head. Uh, words are not like balloons that we hold onto as long as we want them to, and then we can let them go and they float away. Words stick. They're powerful. They can be helpful, they can be hurtful.

Christal 2:36

And how much more so in the world of parenting? All of us, anybody listening out there can remember specific things that their parents said to them, whether it's good or bad. We all remember those words, those encouragement, those disappointments. You know, we know the power of a parent's words.

Lennon 2:54

Whenever you think about your home growing up, whatever it was, the tone of the home was largely set by the way that your parents communicated with one another and with you. And so words can create an atmosphere of rejection or they can create an atmosphere of of love and support. And so we want to drill down on that, but it's important to acknowledge that none of us get words right all the time. Right?

Christal 3:19

Yeah. We all mess up as parents. None of us are perfect, which there's no perfect parent. And then sometimes we've said the wrong thing acted in the wrong way. We maybe acted more like the teenager than the parent at times. Yep. We've said things that wounded and we didn't mean to wound, I don't think parents. Good parents never set out to hurt their children, but sometimes in hindsight we're like, oh my goodness, why did I say that?

Lennon 3:45

Yeah. Said the right thing the wrong way, which is kind of my specialty.

Christal 3:49

Yeah. Oh, I mean, all of us, I think. We, we mean well, and we have something really we want to teach our kids. Right? It's from a heart of teaching and helping them grow, but I think fear gets in the mix of this stuff. I think out of fear sometimes we say something that we think will fix them or work and it, it's not what they need to hear. And so we've all done it. I think we need to put that out there first. We've all done it, but acknowledge that and move on, and I think we can get better at this.

Lennon 4:21

Right. To help you do that, we want to give you, four types of words that as parents, we need to remember to speak in our home because we can fall into just talking about the same old things every day or maybe just speaking up whenever we need to correct. But our vocabulary and our interaction needs to be more varied than that. And so the first type of words that you need to speak as parents in your home are words of affection and encouragement because I think that if you had a parent that encouraged you, lets you know they loved you, that really set the tone of your home. Like is there, is there anything your dad or your mom tended to say to you to express encouragement or affection that sticks with you even today?

Christal 5:10

Yeah. I remember growing up my dad saying at times that I was beautiful, especially during those teenage years, those awkward years, that meant so much to me because I was already thinking how ugly I was. Right. That's very normal. Girls do that a lot, don't they? Yes. And when he would affirm me in that way of like. You're so beautiful, crystal. He would point out things about me that he really loved. It really meant a lot to me. And then I know my mom, I remember a specific memory when I was in high school and I was trying out for Baton twirler, which I had done for many years, and I had been on the team, but this one specific year I got beat out by a couple of other girls that were newer and. It devastated me because just to be rejected, I felt very rejected not to be a baton twirler, but I, I did not make the team. I was hurt. And I remember my mom, one of the first things she said to me was, you know what? Maybe this is even just a part of God's plan for you. God may have something even better for you to put your time into. He's gifted you in other ways. And so this may be just a time that you get to see where, what he's gonna do in your life. And that really encouraged me and it gave me. Actual hope. It pointed me towards hope instead of just being down because I didn't make it.

Lennon 6:33

That's a big deal. So your mom's encouragement helped you reframe something that at that point in your life was one of the biggest disappointments you had ever had. Right. Can I go back to your dad for a second? Can I, I wasn't prepared to ask you this question, but can you help us as dads who may be listening on, you know him telling you you were beautiful and showing that affection to you. What kind of effect does that have on a young woman as she grows into adulthood? Or I guess specifically, what kind of things might, knowing the most important man in her life, to that point, her father? Loves her and thinks she's beautiful. How does that affect her future interactions with men?

Christal 7:15

I really believe that because my dad really did show value to me, it wasn't just beauty or on the outside. It was the inside stuff too, and the kind of things that he saw in me and told me how much he loved me. I think for me, it did not make me feel like I had to have that from someone else out in the world. I had to grasp. Get that. I mean, I had, that didn't mean I didn't love compliments from guys about, about things, but it was not the, oh my goodness, I don't have this, so I have to go find it. And I think it really kept me Yes. Protected in lots of ways too.

Lennon 7:52

Yes. I do think a lot of women. Accept things from men that they never would if they had someone who was trustworthy and safe. Tell them, I love you. You're beautiful. You deserve good things. And so dads, that's something we've gotta take. Very, very important. Those words of affection and encouragement. To our daughters. It's a big deal.

Christal 8:17

It is. I think this also can apply in different ways, like you said, from fathers to daughters. I think there's some special things with like, you know, fathers to sons or mothers to daughters because there's just. I think they need it from both sides, and I think it can hit differently depending on what parent is saying, what.

Lennon 8:38

It really does. I remember when I was a young adult, my dad came to visit me. I had graduated high school. This was in ministry, but my dad drove up to visit and he came to a ministry meeting, saw me speaking to college students. We hung out. I had to go here and go there, and he told me before he left, he said, you know, I realized today that you are every bit. I'm gonna cry. Oh, I'm getting emotional here. Sorry. He said, I've realized today that you are every bit as busy as I am. I couldn't be more proud of you. Mm-hmm. Yeah, it's making me tear up.

Christal 9:13

Well, yeah, I mean, that's what we're talking about today. Those words are so powerful and it still affects you today.

Lennon 9:19

Look at you. You're gonna cry now.

Christal 9:21

Gosh, you know how that happens when you're, when your man cries, you start to cry. I think, I think wives understand that, but yeah, I, I love that. I think that's so important. And it shows how, how it still can help encourage you now, you know, and that it shows your parents' love for you too.

Lennon 9:39

And This is something even modeled for us in scripture when the Heavenly Father speaks about Jesus and just says, this is my beloved son, with whom I'm well pleased. Mm. That is nothing but affection. So words of affection. Are incredibly important. Speak them.

Christal 9:55

That's right. Our next one is words of direction, not just affirmation. That's actually a loving thing to do, is to correct in a loving way and not just affirm everything they do. And I will just say it's a lot about how you do it, right?

Lennon 10:13

Yeah. It, it, this might, this point might feel like whiplash after we were just tearing up talking about encouraging words. Yeah. But it is just as important. Just correction can't be done without the other parts or else it, it feels harsh and feels overbearing, but this is important. So contrary, I think to cultural emphasis right now. Which for the past, I don't know, decade or more, has been all about self-esteem, gentle parenting. Can we just plant the flag? We are not those people that believe kids come out of the womb absolutely perfect. And all we have to do is point them further to their desired way for them to self fulfill their perfection.

Christal 10:57

That is so good that you said that. I even read this morning in my devotional time about Noah and God said something really specific about, after the flood came and back in Genesis eight, God says, I'll never again curse the ground because of the human race, even though everything they think or imagine is bent toward evil from childhood. Yeah. So if you need like a biblical example, that we are not born perfect. Like we are innocent in, in a way of,

Lennon 11:29

We're innocent in the way that we hadn't sinned yet. Right. But it's not gonna take us long to do it. You don't have to teach a kid to lie or to hit their sibling, do you?

Christal 11:37

Right, exactly. We're, we haven't learned the ways of, of the spirit yet, or character shaping ways. So yeah, it's important that we do correct in the right way because we're training them in the ways they should go. We're trying to, we're in this training. Time when they're young, it's a great time to help them see truth and know what is good and evil in this world.

Lennon 12:03

Exactly, and if we don't teach them what is good and evil in the world, the world will do it for us, not only in the way of teaching them to love the wrong things. But what I'm really getting at is if If we don't discipline and correct our children, the world will end up doing it for us. And it may not be that our kids end up on a road to destruction going to jail, but what it will look like is they will lose opportunities. People won't wanna be around them. They will be that kid who's always being set aside in class because no one's ever told them no. And now the teacher can't handle them. We prepare them for how to operate within society based on how we lovingly correct them and show what is and is not acceptable at home. It's already the case that our kids just like us, are imperfect, sinful. Are gonna make some wrong choices, but don't underestimate the importance of showing them that there is a right and wrong way to be. There's a right and wrong way to talk. Some things are acceptable and some things aren't. Mom, dad, if you are not doing that, you are doing your kids a disservice.

Christal 13:18

Yeah, these are kind of hard things to say because I think our culture has really started to move towards, I mean, it's been moving this way, but moving towards the way of, you can't tell your kid no but being able to say no to them is an important thing Especially when they're going to injure themselves or it's a dangerous thing. Now as they get older, of course we're gonna say, no, we don't do that. Because of this. You start to train them into the whys

13:49

behind. Yes. The no's. It's not just No.

Christal 13:53

You're gonna also tell them, this is why, and I know with teenagers. When we set up a new boundary or rule. They always wanna know what the reason is. Well, why Is it just have a rule? Or is there a bigger reason? And of course, we need to be able to give that bigger reason. But it's a, it's a healthy thing to say no, don't be afraid for those words to come outta your mouth.

Lennon 14:14

And so when you correct, don't let your temper be the most. Negative part of the interaction and one of the things that we can do that is to make sure that you lean in and you correct while issues are small. So that you don't explode when issues become big. And so whenever you lean in for correction, you wanna do it while you still have control of your wits because otherwise you become the issue and later on you need to go back and apologize. You know, I'm sorry I said it that way. I was correcting you and I was honestly in my attitude, I was a bigger, I became the sideshow there, and I wish I wouldn't have done that.

Christal 14:54

Yeah. I love that. I love what you said about that because it is important to deal with the smaller things before they get, they become big and there are times that something just big happens. And I know for us, we've had moments where something really upset us. We may need to go chill in the room before we come out and talk about it because we know we're just gonna say something because we're so mad, right? Yes. And so it's really smart to take a moment sometimes and gather your thoughts and what do I really want to communicate here in this situation? I know for me, our kids are really good at telling if I'm stressed or not even the other day, I think the way that I was nitpicking on one of our, our kids just constantly asking them, are you, did you do this? Did you remember this? You know, all these questions, which really I shouldn't have been doing because they had a a job, they got it done, and if they didn't, there's always that consequence. But I know that if I start to control the situation and I'm all stressed out, it just makes everyone frustrated. It makes it worse.

Lennon 16:03

It does. And so you want to correct, you need to correct and you need to correct with the correct types of words and in the correct frame of mind. Paul says in Ephesians, he talks about no foul language should come from your mouth only what is good for building up someone in need so that it gives grace to those who hear? Here's what never gives grace. Cussing your kid up one side and down another. It doesn't give grace to yell and lose your mind and slam doors. That's not grace filled. It's destructive. It's hurtful, and you need to seek the help of God and strength to move forward in a better way. And my friends, he can help you. If you need help with how you handle correction with your kids, God can help you.

Christal 16:47

He sure can. And next parents need to celebrate their kids' character, not just their accomplishments. Because I think we start to get performance-based kids, not kids that are really trying to grow into the adult that they need to be.

Lennon 17:04

Yeah. This is easy to emphasize, like I want you to look at your interactions with your kids and think about the types of encouragement you give'em. And when you say, good job. Is it only when they literally do like good jobs? When they make good grades or when they play really well on the sports field? Like I know I'm thinking here is sports dads and there are a lot of us out there, but sports dads, a lot of times we, we celebrate, we critique and we do all of that based on how they're. Playing on the baseball field or basketball or football or whatever, and we're really leaned in on performance, performance, performance. But 98.9 of our kids beyond high school, will never play an organized sport again. They won't play in college. They won't play pro. And what this means is that the greatest things they're gonna get out of sports is young men and women are gonna be the character lessons in the people that they're becoming. And so don't just celebrate if your kid has a great batting average. Celebrate how he interacts when he with people, when he strikes out or celebrate. Does he support his other teammates that do well and not just him? Celebrate the type of people they're becoming because only you as a parent are really gonna notice that, and that's what's gonna last way longer than a sports career.

Christal 18:31

That's really good. I know as parents when we celebrate only accomplishments, which it's good to celebrate those things, but when that's the main thing, kids tend to feel like they need to do something really great, to be deeply loved. I remember when our son was small. You said this in a sermon not long ago, but he was little and, and there was a storm and he hated storms. Could you tell that whole story for us?

Lennon 18:57

Yeah, I can. He was, I mean, he was like four. Maybe, maybe five. And we had been on a road trip and we encountered a massive thunderstorm. One of those that was so intense that everybody just pulled over on the side of the road and waited and it sounded like it just, um. It was just a roaring, roaring storm. Everybody was freaked out. We were freaked out. The kids were freaked out, but that really made Ethan hate rain for a little while. Mm-hmm. When he was little, especially thunderstorms. You shared with me one day. Whenever I was at work, you had been out with the kids and you came back home and it really started to rain hard. And of course that really bothered Ethan at that point. And so he's, he's crying, but as you're opening the door to get inside, he takes control of the door, holds it open, and tells the girls, go inside. Go inside. He might as well be holding onto the mast of a ship in a hurricane. In his little mind. Yeah, he's waving his sisters inside. And you told him, you said, Ethan, I, I'll get the door. And he's yelling, no, mama, go inside. I do it. I do it. And it was just such a cool thing, this little man trying to take care of his sisters and his mom whenever he was terrified. And I remember coming home later and you had told me what happened, and I was just telling him that night. I said, Hey, I'm really, really proud of you for what happened with the, with the storm and you holding the door. And he goes, why? I was scared. I said, you, you were scared and you were courageous and brave like that. That was awesome. It's okay to be scared, but you were still trying to take care of your mom and your sisters. It was just character things. We're gonna be scared, we're gonna strike out. We might even make some just choices that are morally incorrect. But if we're on a trajectory and we've been taught to love the right things, and our parents are honoring the good in us, it's gonna help us keep becoming that.

Christal 21:01

Yeah. So instead of pointing out all the things they're not doing well.'cause that's really easy to do. I think we, we will always, as parents see, oh, that's not going well. And not that we don't correct,'cause we talked about that correction's important, but if we're doing more correction, then seeing what is good and pointing out those things and finding the things that are really going well, the good needs to come out of our mouth to, we need to say those encouraging words, not just the things that they're not doing well. Even when they're little, there's things we can point out that they did well. They shared that toy. They help mom with getting something and then as they're older, we can't lose that. In those teenage years instead, start to look at the things they're doing well. You know, just those little things really do mean a lot.

Lennon 21:54

They mean a ton. They do. Well, the last type of words that we want to give you that are important for a parent to speak in the home is we want to encourage you to speak of God's love. In your home, speak of God's love and here's why. This will help your kids think about God as he is and not just as you are. This is one of the most terrible responsibilities of a parent, may be a little heavier on Dads with how people think of a heavenly father, is that oftentimes people are willing to receive a correct or have an incorrect image of God based on the interactions. They had at home. It is at least very heavily influenced. It's hard to believe that God is, is grace-filled and really forgiving if you always felt like your parents held every shortcoming over your head. And so one of the things that. We can do in a home is, yeah, we try to be good parents and we try to do all of that, but we, we talk about God and how good he is and do you know God is patient and God is loving? Honey? What kind of effect do you think? That these kind of conversations with the kids highlighting God's goodness and character and love, how do you think that affects them as they grow?

Christal 23:10

Talking about God's love is, is super important. And I think we can even share with our kids some ways that God has forgiven us and God's love has affected us Also encouraging them that they can go to him with everything that they need. And when they're struggling, they can go to the Lord. And if we look through scripture, God is definitely, like you said, he's patient. It takes a while for him to get angry. It's not immediate. He's a much better parent than we are.

Lennon 23:40

He's slowed anger and abounding and love.

Christal 23:43

He is, and encouraging them to go to him is important. They need to know a god that. Loves them no matter what they've done. I know we've even had moments where our kids would even talk about can God really forgive somebody of that? The answer is yes. Yeah. He will forgive anyone who comes to him with anything. It's crazy to think about the things that God forgives, that as people, we don't, and God loves us through all of our stuff. He loves us through. Our stupidity, our bad decisions. And his goal is always to restore us to him.

Lennon 24:20

So words, friends words are powerful. So in your home this week, speak words of affection and encouragement. Don't shy away from speaking words of loving correction when they're needed. Celebrate your kid's character, not just their accomplishments, and speak of God's love so that they think of God as he is, not just as we are. And that's it for today.

Christal 24:44

Don't forget to follow or subscribe, so you never miss an episode. We drop new ones every Tuesday. If today's conversation encouraged you, would you take a minute and share this episode with someone you know it really helps more people find the show and join our community. You can visit home and marriage.com for more resources. Like our six Habits of Happy Couples course, and if you like us to come speak at your church or event, you can schedule us through the website. You can also follow along on Instagram, Facebook, or TikTok. All of the links are in the show notes. Thank you for joining us on the Home and Marriage Podcast. We really do believe that home can be your favorite place. We'll be back again next week with more encouragement and wisdom to help you become better at home and stronger together.