On The Same Team: Why Teamwork Is a Key to a Stronger Marriage

Have you ever felt like you and your spouse are living as two individuals instead of one team? 

In this Home and Marriage Podcast episode, we talk through how getting sick on a birthday getaway reminded us that marriage requires caring for each other and working together. We share why teamwork starts with a shared vision for marriage, parenting, and the atmosphere of your home, including seeking first God’s kingdom and “reverse engineering” what you want to be true at the end of your life together. We also explain how appreciating differences, asking for help, and staying in your lane strengthens unity, and how knowing your role—dividing responsibilities like laundry, dishes, grilling, and school runs—prevents resentment and helps home become a place you don’t want to escape from.

Transcript

Christal 0:00

I know sometimes I just need to rely on you for certain things too. I mean, goodness. Like where would we be if I didn't have you two and your strong muscles to haul around dirt. For me when I'm ready to start my garden in the spring. Yep. Just a caveman, lifting heavy things. That's all you get for just Yeah. Have muscles that look pretty.

Lennon 0:19

Well, well, thank you. I haven't been told it looked pretty in a very long, in a very long time. Yeah, that's probably not the best word to use for you. This is the Home and Marriage Podcast with Lennon and Christal Noland, where we help couples become better at home and stronger Together. We are husband and wife, parents and ministers who want God's best for our home and for yours. Well friends. Hello. Happy day to you. Wherever you are and whatever you are doing. I'm here with my bride, my lover, my baby's mother. Christal over there. How are you, boo?

Christal 0:53

I'm doing pretty well, honey, and as I can hear in your voice, and I'm sure those who are listening can hear, we are dealing with a little cold in our house or some type of virus going on.

Lennon 1:03

Yeah, we are. I think, um, we wanna keep it real with the people. We don't wanna, we don't wanna hide the truth. And the truth is, if we weren't married, we probably would've canceled this week's show because we have been sick all week. We still are sick all week. Do we wanna give some details on that? Well, I think, um.

Christal 1:24

Everybody should hear that you have been suffering with Pink Eye. Yep. Which, where did that come from? I have no idea.

Lennon 1:31

I know how third grade is that? Yeah. To come down with, with Pink Eye and apparently something accompanying you have had a cough that will not leave you alone. You've been having such a hard time.

Christal 1:42

Yeah. I don't even know. It's some kind of virus I've had. I, I mean, I feel like I've had one ailment after the other, so it's probably. My immune system, you know, not fighting off things, but I mean, I'm going through skin issues with some weird rash on my face that's been around since Thanksgiving. Yeah. And it's cleared up some and it's finally went to dermatologist, so it's on the way to healing. But then after that happens, we go on a getaway for my birthday. Yep. And both of us are sick. Yes. In the room and we, we basically do DoorDash and read books and watch movies.

Lennon 2:21

That's exactly what we did. Yeah, imagine that friends that you, you do all that. It takes you schedule a grandparent to come and take the kids for a couple of days, you get the Airbnb and you found a great deal, uh, outside of Waco, Texas beforehand. You get on Yelp and you choose the great restaurants that you're gonna go to for two days. Yeah. To really make the most of this very rare birthday getaway.

Christal 2:45

Yeah.

Lennon 2:45

And then we end up sitting in the bed the whole time door dashing, but at least we were together.

Christal 2:51

Yeah, it wasn't really what we planned for or what we dreamed of for my birthday getaway, but we made the most of it. And just like in life, there are just sometimes seasons and times you go through that maybe one of you're sick and the other one's fine and you take care of one another. And that's what we're gonna talk about today. We're gonna talk about. Teamwork

Lennon 3:15

you. I think we gotta keep that in you. You worked really hard on that transition. Yeah. We're gonna talk about,

Christal 3:21

Not, all of us can be amazing transition people like you, Lennon. Okay, some of us, it takes a little bit more work and effort to make these smooth little transitions with these little cute phrases. We do wanna talk about teamwork and we both have strengths and weaknesses, don't we? One of your strengths is transitions. Mine is not.

Lennon 3:43

We, we do, We do have different strengths. That's why we need to rely on each other. And so that is the deal. Friends, today we want to talk to you about teamwork in marriage. Uh, I don't know how many of you who are listening enjoy sports, but sports is often a great analogy for teamwork. Even if your athletic career was limited to third grade soccer. Or eighth grade basketball, you probably have some sort of experience of playing on a team. And for a team to function, people have differing responsibilities. They have to work together toward a common goal, and those things really transfer to marriage. Mm-hmm. That whenever two become one flesh, you have to be united, not just in the big picture, but how you approach day to day. And that's actually one of maybe the most difficult things to adjust to whenever you first get married. Because I remember for us, I was still operating as Mr. Single, not, not in a romantic way, but in like a practical, everyday way.

Christal 4:43

Yeah. I think you were still in that bachelor mindset, especially when it came to work We were in ministry, we were young marrieds. You were doing full-time in ministry and I was helping you and also working a job. And I remember there was this point where something happened, where there was a miscommunication. You didn't tell me what was going on I can't remember the exact situation. But you were not communicating and I was just finding out things and yeah, I felt like. Like, oh, I'm supposed to be involved in that, but you didn't tell me about it, and I remember saying this to you from the bottom of my heart. I thought that this was gonna be you and me team. When we got married.

Lennon 5:25

Yep. That is a sentence that I have never forgotten. Mm-hmm. I think I've long ago, forgotten what I did. Yeah. Operating as, as Mr. Individual. But that statement was really an important point in our marriage. I thought it was gonna be you and me team. And the phrasing there, I've, you're laughing about it, but I've never forgotten it. Yeah, it was, it was really important. I think that about 20 years later now, we've learned to rely on one another. We've gotten a lot better at operating as a team. That's not to say we always nail it. Yeah. But we've gotten a whole lot better, don't you think?

Christal 5:58

Yeah. This makes me think of the phrase two become one, because you are two different people, but you're learning to become one. You don't just magically become one in one moment. It really is a process. And so I really think over the years we have gotten better at it. We have our moments where we're not great. Of course. Yeah. But we mostly have gotten better and we've learned some ways to be a better team.

Lennon 6:26

Yeah, you're, you're right. Especially that, that oneness takes a long time to, it takes a while to walk out, especially the practical implications. Mm-hmm. When a man leaves his family to be joined with his wife, you know, you, you are one in the eyes of God and now working that out day to day, how does that look? And I think this is where our, our friend Dr. Wilkis always encourages Christian couples that that Christian marriage is a very specific and unique thing. Mm-hmm. That if, if a Christian couple wants to operate like anyone else would think of marriage, then you're missing out on some things that are really unique in the eyes of God for a married couple. And so I think one of the things is, we talk about operating as a team is that what Jesus says is the most important goal of any individual. Becomes the most important goal for a Christian married couple. And I think that's to seek first the kingdom of God. That whatever we're trying to do in our family and accomplish as a married couple, we have to want more than anything what God wants for us and what God wants for that world. So if you as a married couple are at odds, you're having a hard time connecting. Working together. The first thing you have to agree on is we want what God wants and we want what he has revealed. I think that's incredibly important.

Christal 7:48

Yeah. That really is the most important goal and the focus of the show today is how to operate as a team. Our first point is share a vision. I love that quote that John Maxwell says. We say this in our home a lot as a joke kind of, but we really, it really is an important

Lennon 8:05

Yeah. Quote. Yeah. We do love that quote. And it's just five words. Teamwork makes the dream work, and. That's not in the book of Proverbs, but I really feel like it could be, because what you want to have above all, when you think of a vision in marriage is a clear understanding of what are we trying to do together. Mm-hmm. Um, Proverbs chapter 24 says that by wisdom, a house is built and by understanding it is established. So just the dream of building up a home together, of functioning as a family. You've gotta have a vision of what you're going toward. And so I think three kind of specific areas of marriage and parenthood and home life, you can get specific and have a vision for that.

Christal 8:48

Yeah, so our first focus is on marriage. We need to share a vision for our marriage, and so how do we do that? W how would we start that?

Lennon 8:56

Yeah. I think the old saying, start with the end in mind. I think there's an idea of if we're gonna be together until death do us part, uh, let's kind of fast forward in our minds and look back. What do we want to be able, able to say? This was true about our marriage. We weren't perfect, but we loved one another. Well until the end. Whenever that end is, hopefully whenever we're really old and we die in bed together, notebook style. But what do we want to be able to say about our marriage? So let me put you on the spot at the, at the end of it all. Whenever we're taking our last breath and we've spent all of our years together, what do you hope we can say about our marriage?

Christal 9:35

the most important thing I would think we'd wanna say would be we stayed devoted to one another and to the Lord, and we were faithful. So we didn't break our marriage vows. We stayed true to one another. And so I feel like that's probably the most important thing we wanna say at the end.

Lennon 9:55

Yeah. And I think that whenever you know what you want to be able to say, the path to get there becomes a little clearer. Mm-hmm. It's like, okay, if we wanna say we stayed faithful to our vows and we didn't break them, we're gonna be really intentional about, how we handle hard times together so we don't get frustrated Or how we view interaction with the opposite sex and what's acceptable there and what is not. The moment you have clarity on a vision, you begin to say, okay, how do, what adjustments do we make and what becomes priority so that we can do those things?

Christal 10:27

Yeah. And if we're talking about teamwork here in a marriage, it can't be just one of us really working hard on that. And the other one floating through marriage and just. Drifting or whatever you wanna call it. Yeah. We really both have to be engaged and we have to share that. And so to do that, we do have to talk about it. We have to put up the boundaries. We have,

Lennon 10:46

There are positive examples too of, yeah, okay, if we want to keep this romance romantic, what kinds of things are we gonna prioritize? Mm-hmm. Will we talk about until we're blue in the face on this show, uh, date nights, taking times to be romantic. Mm-hmm. Things like that become incredibly priority. So if you have a vision for your marriage or to get a vision for your marriage. Think about looking back at the end of your life together and what do you want to be able to say you accomplished and then reverse engineer that. The same thing is true of parenthood. Are you agreed on as a couple? What are we trying to accomplish as we raise our kids? Like what are we trying to do here? You don't just wanna keep'em breathing. You wanna have a bigger goal than that.

Christal 11:30

I've really seen this become a wedge in people's relationships over parenting because they never talked about certain things or agreed on how to parent. And definitely we're gonna have some differences between us. Um, we might. You know, lean towards different ways at times, but ultimately we are agreed on how we're going to parent these kids, how we're gonna raise them. And so that's so important. You know, there's gonna be surprises that come up along the way that you're like, oh, I didn't know we were gonna deal with this. Now what do we do? But you need to be in agreement because it can really cause division in your marriage and keep you from being a team. And it's good for your kids to see that Mom and dad are a team and they're, yeah, they're together in this. And I think that's, that helps them see that marriage is teamwork too.

Lennon 12:16

Yeah, it does. So as if, if you have children as a, or if you're planning to have children, as a mom and dad, what do you hope to be able to say you have done for your kids as they step into adulthood? It's one of the rudest awakenings in the world as a parent that you do not control every outcome. But what you can control as parents is the the input which you try to impart to your kids and the atmosphere that you try to set in your home. So if you have a vision for your parenthood, reverse engineer that, what does life with our kids look like to hopefully bring them to a point where, I mean, our vision for our kids would be that they are. Functioning adults who love God and know how to love people in their life. I mean, that would be a desirable end.

Christal 13:08

Yeah. We want them to grow up in a home where they about the Lord. They were taught the Bible. talked about how God was working in our lives. I, I definitely wanted to raise kids, and that's what we're trying to do right now, that they can at least have a place where they can meet God and know who God is. What they do with that after here is up to them. If they live their lives for the Lord or not, that's gonna be their decision, but I never would want them to leave our home without them knowing. The goodness of God and who God is and just being taught and, and seeing us in our lives, being devoted to the Lord. So that was something very important to us. We wanted to raise a family where we had kids that knew what it was like to experience God's love in the home.

Lennon 13:51

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Christal 15:32

Yeah. I think just being on the same page with what do you want your home to be like, there's gonna be chaotic moments at times. There's gonna be things that happen, but for the most part, if you want a peaceful atmosphere or home that has order to it, you have to put steps in place and you have to have that vision. So getting on the same page about that is really important and. It won't give you a perfect home. So don't think that, but I do believe that having that desire for a certain type of life at home, is it a home that you want to come home to or do you avoid it? You know? So if you avoid it, you probably wanna make some changes to where it's a place that you really wanna be.

Lennon 16:15

Yeah, that's perfect. So friends, if you, if it's been a while since you and your spouse sat down and, and answered the question, what are we trying to do here? Like, what are we after? What is our vision? Maybe it's time to sit down and to do that again. And then we wanna leave you with a couple of more things that if you want a home that is identified by working well together by teamwork, you want to be able to appreciate one another's differences that. the two are one flesh, and yet at the same time, you are not exactly the same person. You bring differences to the equation and you and I, I think are, we're a great match, but we're very different.

Christal 16:55

We are, we have very different strengths and weaknesses. Just a funny example that comes to my mind is when we first got married and I think I had some kind of sound system for the TV back then. You had like little speakers and you had like a CD player that you would hook up to your TV or your, you had a whole sound system is what they called it, right? Yep. And I remember we got in our new apartment but you didn't quite know how to set that up. And so one day. You were at work and I set up the sound system.

Lennon 17:26

I remember this, which I enjoyed. I like, and I knew what to do. And you were just so relieved when you got home that you did not have to mess with trying to set up that sound system. Yes, I was. I remember coming home and just that, yeah, relief washing over me because that was gonna be something that, number one, it was gonna take me two days to do. Number two, you would've had to intervene and do it anyway. Yeah. And we didn't have Google back then, or like, wait, did we have Google? It's at least long enough ago that it's, we didn't have that. It's questionable whether or not we had Google, well, we didn't have YouTube videos, which now teaches us things on how to do those. So yeah, it would've been really hard. so in your marriage to operate as a team, don't hesitate to lean on one another for the strengths that you bring to the table. Whatever they are. I mean, I know with me another area that I lean on you on is you are administrative. You do a much better job of keeping. Our ducks in a row when it's time to pay this or we need to plan for this. In fact, as I'm talking here, I don't know exactly what you lean on me for what?

Christal 18:31

That's not true.

Lennon 18:31

I feel like I mostly lean on you.

Christal 18:33

No, I was thinking a lot of things. Okay. I will say just. For instance, I am a lot newer to this speaking thing and this weekend I have an opportunity to speak to some women about marriage and I'm excited about it. But there's some things that I know I can go to you and ask you. What would you do in this situation? Or just advice. And you're always really willing to encourage me and give me advice and it'cause it's your strength and you're really good at it. And so for me, it's helping me grow and learn. But I know sometimes I just need to rely on you for certain things too. I mean, goodness. Like where would we be if I didn't have you two and your strong muscles to haul around dirt. For me when I'm ready to start my garden in the spring. Yep. Just a caveman, lifting heavy things. That's all you get for just Yeah. Have muscles that look pretty.

Lennon 19:25

Well, well, thank you. I haven't been told it looked pretty in a very long, in a very long time. Yeah, that's probably not the best word to use for you. Well, we do lean on each other for different things, and one of the things about appreciating each other's differences is knowing when you need to stay in your lane. And honestly I have a difficult time sometimes staying in my lane and this is carried over to this day. I can remember early in marriage you trying to tell me, honey, you're not good at everything. Like you don't need to worry about this to, you know, today in 2026 where you might be arranging something and you do a great job with our home. Every time people come over they always say, wow, it looks so beautiful in here. And sometimes you would not. Think that based on how much I try to tell you where this should be hunger, how this should be positioned.

Christal 20:14

Yeah. We all have our own opinions, don't we, about everything. I feel like, but I think that's what you're saying here is trusting in each other's strengths is really important and just trusting that they can, they are gifted in certain areas that I'm not. So I'm gonna just trust that they can get that done. the flip side of that is really asking for help. Like putting our pride down and saying, could you help me do this? And communicating that we need help in a certain area instead of thinking we can do it all on

Lennon 20:44

Yes, exactly. We, the deal is we need each other. Mm-hmm. Teammates need each other. No one brings every strength to the table. So we've got to enjoy the fact that God has given us somebody, he's given us a helpmate, he's given us someone to run this race and, and live this life together with. And so appreciate your differences. And then the thing we wanna leave you with too is, uh, when you have a vision. When you appreciate each other's differences, then you can know your role. Come to understand your role in your house and your marriage and give your best to it. And so some of these things are simply unique to husbands and wives. Some of these things will be worked out uniquely within any given marriage. But what in your marriage and home life is, is your responsibility? This is the thing that you do to make your home and your marriage work best. I know some of this we worked out at the beginning of our marriage. I remember expressing to you how much I hated dishes.

Christal 21:43

Yeah. And how much I hated. Ironing clothes. Yes. And you also, yeah. I mean, to this day the dishes aren't as bad, but the ironing clothes, I mean, if I'm doing it for you, it's a huge, you know, I love you so much and it's a sacrifice. And to be honest, you don't do that good at it. Not the greatest at it. Not, not only does Christal not iron clothes, I don't really want her to iron my clothes.

Lennon 22:11

Because she's not an ironer. Yeah. I wouldn't have made a good fifties housewife if I couldn't iron clothes. Good.'cause that's all they, they seem to always be irony clothes in all the movies they do. But you, you're, you hate laundry. And I do. And that's something that, it's not that I love laundry, but I don't mind it as much.

Christal 22:30

And that's something I've really taken over for us now, the kids. Praise the Lord. They all do their own laundry now, so I, I get to focus on just hours, but that's one thing I do to help you not have something else on your plate that you hate to do. And whenever I pull a drawer out and see that it's full of socks or full of t-shirts or. I have just such a wash of euphoria because it's like magic, but I really know it wasn't magic. It was you while I was gone doing things to take care of our house and to serve me. Hey, do you remember when we first got married? And I said, the one thing I really want for my husband is someone who can grill a steak outside.

Lennon 23:12

Yeah. Grill. Grill food. Yeah. And you look to me like I don't grill, you know? Yeah. And I'm like, listen, if there's one thing I really want is for you to grill and you took on that challenge and you, you grill now. That's true. I do. And now my kids make fun of me. I'm kind of hit or miss. It's okay. It's something I did not learn from my dad who is excellent at it. He's, he's good at all that, but I did not, I did not, I did not receive that gene or, or learn that skill. And so yeah, that is sometimes part of knowing your role and giving your best is not just what do you want to do, but what do I need to do? Yeah. Like what is the way I can, so, and frankly, that was something that this, I could make my wife really happy if I buy a cheap barbecue pit.

Christal 24:00

And watch YouTube and figure this out. Mm-hmm. Yeah. I think all of these things that we're talking about with dividing up the responsibilities and like the divide and conquer thing is so important because it helps one spouse from feeling like they're doing everything and everything's on them, but when you know what your jobs are and you have a agreement and just a good. Conversation about how to do that. It really helps things flow better and it keeps you from resenting one another and it's, it's really healthy for your marriage. And so it really does make teamwork as we're talking about, it makes your marriage into great teamwork. And so I just think. This kind of stuff is what makes a marriage go, you know? What about like, I mean, for instance, we have, we divide two for taking the kids to school and picking them up. That way our workflow is better in the day too. Yeah. In our marriage, I typically take them to school. You typically pick them up from school? Yeah, it just works for us. But some families, I mean, the husband or wife may go early in the morning out to Dallas and work in the city, and they don't get home till later. And so one parent does that, but then that other parent, when they come home, maybe they help pick up the slack in other areas. So it's just really, I think you have to be on the same page and you have to know that you're pulling your weight and you're doing it for them. The whole thing is you are, you're doing this for your marriage, not just for yourself. I think getting out of the, the way of thinking just about what's good for me and what do I need for me, it really helps your marriage because you're carrying the weight for the other person as well.

Lennon 25:44

Yeah. That's really good. You know, a verse I'd like to leave with you friends is from Ecclesiastes chapter nine. Solomon simply says, whatever your hand finds to do, do it with your might. And so just give your best at home. Don't, oh, don't give your best. Don't give your best to the workplace or to some volunteer organization or your to serving at your church. And then put home, marriage, family on the back burner. Give of your heart. Appreciate who God has given you, and I think you'll find that your home really can be one that you don't want to escape from. So teamwork makes the dream work. That's right, baby, if you. In a place where you're like, you know what? I don't feel like we're operating as a team like we used to, or like we'd like, I'd like us to have a conversation together and talk about what things could help your marriage feel like a team, not two individual people doing their own thing, but a team.

Christal 26:45

Well friends, don't forget to follow or subscribe, so you never miss an episode. We drop new ones every Tuesday. If today's conversation encouraged you, would you take a minute and share this episode with someone you know it really helps more people find the show and join our community. You can visit home and marriage.com. For more resources like our Six Habits of Happy Couples Course, and if you'd like for us to come speak at your church or event, you can schedule us through our website. You can also follow along on Instagram, Facebook, or TikTok. All of the links are in the show notes.

Lennon 27:22

Thank you for joining us for the Home and Marriage Podcast. We really do believe that home can be your favorite place. We'll be back again next week with more encouragement and wisdom to help you become better at home and stronger together. Okay.