Marriage Dynamics: Who Is More Likely?

Ever wonder who’s more likely to do what in a marriage?

Today on the show we  “shake it up” by playing a “Who is more likely to” game with unseen questions across personality, parenting, work/life, and faith, noting differences between the way they think and parent. We discuss apologizing, needing reassurance, carrying others’ emotional weight, trusting God, and spiritual encouragement, and conclude that humor, romance, and date nights lighten marriage, seasons pass, and differences are strengths that help couples become one.

00:00 Welcome to the Podcast
00:24 Springtime and Chickens
01:17 Bloom Retreat Recap
03:36 Game Setup Who Is More Likely
04:28 Personality and Communication
08:36 Apologies and Reassurance
11:00 Parenting Strict vs Fun
13:54 Kids Attitude Triggers
14:15 Tag Team Parenting
15:21 Work Life Boundaries
16:33 Torn Between Roles
18:38 Carrying Others Burdens
20:48 Trusting God Together
22:14 Spiritual Encouragement
23:29 Making Marriage Lighter
25:25 Advice To Younger Us
26:52 Marriage Needs Differences
28:42 Closing And Next Steps

Transcript

Lennon 0:01

This is the Home and Marriage Podcast with Lenin and Crystal Noland, where we help couples become better at home and stronger together. We are husband and wife, parents and ministers who want God's best for our home and for yours. Hello friends. Welcome to the show today, whoever you are and wherever you are. I hope it's going good with you because it's going good with us, isn't it?

Christal 0:24

It is. It's such a beautiful day today too. We're in the middle of spring, which is I think my favorite season of all time. I love it.

Lennon 0:32

Yeah, it is. It is. Things are looking green and I'll tell you who else is happy about Spring today. Hopefully friends, as you're listening, you're not hearing them, but our chickens, you know here at the. The worldwide home and marriage studios, in our bedroom, we are within sight. If you look out the window of our chicken coop and our chickens, they're always there. But today they seem to be particularly excited about, I don't know, maybe joining the show.

Christal 0:57

Yeah, I can hear them. I think they're, I think it's like they're laying eggs. It's that sound that they make when they're laying eggs. But anyways, if you hear chickens in the background, just enjoy the. What do you call that?

Lennon 1:09

The feng shui of chickens.

Christal 1:12

The country sounds of the farm.

Lennon 1:15

Yeah. Let it wash over you, my friends. Well, speaking of laying eggs, to pull a term from back in the day where laying an egg meant like you did not do so well, you did not lay an egg. Speaking this weekend for a women's conference, you were at what's called the Bloom Retreat here in North Texas. You spoke to a large room full of women, every seat filled, people standing in back talking to them about marriage in every season. How did that go for you?

Christal 1:43

It was, I will tell you, it was one of the most fun things I've done to, um, and I loved it. I really had a great time. My workshop was called still Standing, being Faithful through every season of Marriage. And so we went over a few main points of what that means and how to do that, and it was just a fun day. So I, I really hope and encourage women to go home and, and believe that their marriages can continue to stay strong. Or if they weren't maybe they were encouraged that things can get better and you know, we just go through different seasons. In marriage, don't we?

Lennon 2:24

Yeah. It's just the truth. We really do. What is it like for you getting to, I mean, we minister together at these marriage conferences, it's kind of our bread and butter in what we do, but what's it like for you to get to focus just on encouraging wives and moms? What's different about that?

Christal 2:41

Well, there are just things that women, I think get and understand and as I'm talking to them, I can make jokes that I feel like as women, we get. And we can laugh about. So I felt like there was a lot of laughter in the room over situations and issues that we go through and we know what it's like to go through them. So there was that aspect. And there was also just the, just the closeness of women being together and, and being able to cry and laugh together and. You know, be there for one another. I think that the thing was, it was just really beautiful to get to talk to women about specific issues and encourage them. So it was wonderful.

Lennon 3:21

It's really great. Well, friends, if you'd ever like to have Crystal come speak at a, uh, woman's event or your church, you'll email us at info@homeandmarriage.com. Uh, we'll get back with you, talk about your event and see how she or we. Can serve. So today on the show we wanted to shake it up a little bit and because we're here to help you, but we can only help you from our perspective. Uh, no set of ministers or teachers has all the wisdom in the world. We have what wisdom the Lord has given us, and it's shaped by our experience. And so my bride, my lover, my baby's mother. I wanted to play a game today. Of who is more likely to, and so what we're gonna do, friends, is we're gonna work through some questions in different categories, personality stuff, parenting stuff, marriage dynamics. And I think it's gonna be fun, but I also think it will be a little bit encouraging. So the setup is, I haven't seen your questions and you have not seen my questions. So, are you ready to get started?

Christal 4:22

I'm ready to get started. Be ready to be surprised and shocked.

Lennon 4:25

There's a direction, but not a plan. Okay.

Christal 4:27

Okay.

Lennon 4:28

so first of all, I want to, I wanna begin, and here's my first, who is more likely question for you? Who is more likely in our marriage to come up with a brand new idea? And to immediately wanna start acting on it.

Christal 4:41

I'd say that's you.

Lennon 4:42

Yeah. I would say that's me too. Sometimes focus can be a little bit difficult and whenever I have a great idea, boy am I ready to move. Does that just wear you out sometimes?

Christal 4:54

Um, there are moments that it can wear me out, but at the same time, I feel like we need someone in our relationship who is like that because then it really does spark new things to happen. So I think we need that.

Lennon 5:06

Yeah, I think so too.

Christal 5:08

Yeah.

Lennon 5:08

Let me throw another one at you really quick. Okay. Who in our marriage is more likely to say, okay, let's talk about this later?

Christal 5:15

You,

Lennon 5:16

um, you think me?

Christal 5:18

Yeah. Well, what are you referring to?

Lennon 5:20

I feel like maybe I am more gifted. At coming up with a subject that is way too heavy and difficult to handle in the moment that we were in, and sort of dropping a bomb on you and you just having to say, I can't talk about this right before bed. I don't know.

Christal 5:33

Oh, well, in that way, yes, I'm pretty

Lennon 5:35

good

Christal 5:35

in that way. Yes. I'm thinking of different ways. I'm thinking of like when there is an issue, who wants to talk about it? I usually wanna talk about it and get it outta the way, but if it's right before bed, no, I mean that's, I think it's all about timing with you. Yeah, I think you don't always think about the timing of the talk.

Lennon 5:53

Yeah. Yeah.

Christal 5:54

Maybe that's what it is.

Lennon 5:55

Maybe. So.

Christal 5:56

All right, so I'm gonna, I have a question for you. Okay. All right. So who is more likely to say yes before thinking it through

Lennon 6:03

you?

Christal 6:04

Really?

Lennon 6:05

I think so. I think so. And maybe it's not always that you say yes before thinking it through, but especially I think with our kids, you will give them, it'll be something you don't really want to do, but you'll be like, yeah, yeah. You know. May, maybe so, and they'll be like, all right. And then later on they tell me, dad, mom said we could go out to Olive Garden today, or something like that.

Christal 6:27

Oh man. Yeah. I think in that way I will. I'm more likely to see us in the way of like, would you like to travel across the ocean to this country? I'm saying, yes. Anything to do with travel or food, I tend to say yes to.

Lennon 6:40

Yeah.

Christal 6:41

Hmm.

Lennon 6:41

It's true.

Christal 6:42

All right, so what about this? Who is more likely to say we're doing too much?

Lennon 6:49

Hmm. Probably you.

Christal 6:50

Yeah, like I, I would probably be the first one to commit to something and also the first one to say there's too much going on. Why

Lennon 6:58

do we do this? Why did we fill our calendar up with this? Yeah, I think so. I think, I mean, maybe you do commit to. Things quicker sometimes. But you're also, you have some wisdom at, hey, we've been going too fast or we're, we're gone too many weekends right now, we need to rein this in a little bit.

Christal 7:14

Yeah. Yeah. I like a simple schedule, so I will not become overwhelmed mentally and everything else. Yeah. So I think I watch out for that more and I'm more aware of that.

Lennon 7:26

Yeah, certainly. So, okay. In our marriage, who is more likely to think everything's fine whenever it's really not?

Christal 7:33

You.

Lennon 7:34

Yeah.

Christal 7:35

Mm-hmm. I think from what we've known from, counseling with couples and all that other stuff, it tends to be a husband thing. It does that they're a little less aware of certain things that the wife might be a lot more in tune and and aware of.

Lennon 7:49

Yes. I don't know if we've ever shared it here on the show, but you know, we had a situation, we'll just stay vague. A situation where we were helping a couple who had been having trouble for a little while and we finally got it scheduled and had the opportunity to sit down with them and it was obvious things were not going great and you know. I don't always know where to start in those situations. So I started with this general question and said, okay guys, so how are things going for you? And the husband just smiled and nodded and said, things are going good. And I remember her looking at him like, how dare you say that? You know, it's not going good. So there is something in disguise. It's fine. It's all fine.

Christal 8:29

Yeah, I think that is the tendency for husbands and wives, but you definitely are more on that side of things. So let me ask you a question. Who is more likely to apologize first?

Lennon 8:44

Oh wow. Me? Yeah. Yeah, I think, I think definitely me sometimes.

Christal 8:50

Why is that?

Lennon 8:51

Um. You know, I don't wanna make any of our listening women mad, so you just, you can tell me if I'm wrong. Uh oh. Is this also more of a trait that I feel like sometimes as husbands, we will apologize quickly, really, before we even know? I will apologize before I've even know what I've done. Mainly because I just want things to be fine. I don't want you to be upset with me and let's move on.

Christal 9:19

Mm-hmm.

Lennon 9:19

So I'm not saying that as a virtue, like I am so much more humble and willing to apologize than you. sometimes it takes a while to, for you to get across to me what, what it is that. I've done that, like hurt your feelings or something.

Christal 9:32

Mm-hmm.

Lennon 9:32

But sometimes I'll just lean into an apology'cause I wanna move on.

Christal 9:36

Yeah. I know. I have been, we have been in those situations where I felt like you're just apologizing to get it done with, and that, that really ends up making me probably more frustrated and then I'm like, that's not, you don't understand what I'm trying to say here. And so, yeah, so I think you do, we're both the oldest child in our families, and I think we are both the type of people who are peacekeepers in trying to make things right.

Lennon 10:02

Yeah, that's

Christal 10:02

true. And so we both tend to do that kind of thing. Um, but I do think most of the time you'll apologize pretty quick. And if it's something that I'm like, oh man, I really messed up, I really try to apologize very quickly. But there are times where we're in a conversation and then I realized, oh wait, I did handle that part wrong. I think just takes a little time sometimes for us to accept what we do wrong.

Lennon 10:27

Yeah, I think so too. Okay. Who in our relationship is more likely to need reassurance but not ask for it?

Christal 10:34

Oh, maybe you, I think I need reassurance, but I asked for it. What about it? What do you think? I think you, but.

Lennon 10:41

I think probably also me.

Christal 10:43

Yeah.

Lennon 10:44

Yeah. I'm probably not gonna come and tell you I'm feeling really overwhelmed or I'm feeling discouraged about this.

Christal 10:50

Yes. I can sense it on you.

Lennon 10:51

Yeah. Mm-hmm. So I think, I think that's probably me. I need it more than I ask for it.

Christal 10:57

Yeah. Yeah. I think, I think you're right. Okay. Okay. Let's go on to parenting issues. Okay. Parenting things. Okay. Who is more likely to be the stricter parent?

Lennon 11:09

Hmm.

Christal 11:09

And I found this kind of hard because it depends, to me, it depends what you're talking about.

Lennon 11:14

Yeah.

Christal 11:14

Strictness in what area?

Lennon 11:16

Yeah, I think that's true.

Christal 11:18

Who's overall the most strict parent?

Lennon 11:20

Probably. You

Christal 11:21

really?

Lennon 11:22

I think so.

Christal 11:24

Hmm?

Lennon 11:25

I think it's probably more common for you to say like. Listen, I need you to back me up with this or something like that where I can be a little more loosey goosey and Sure.

Christal 11:36

I think, okay. Here's what I think. I'm probably more strict in the way of things like what movies they watch or what things are okay or not okay. Because I grew up in a more strict home,

Lennon 11:48

right.

Christal 11:48

With some of that stuff. And so I am probably a little bit more on that end. And also you're better at saying yes to things that I might be a little worried about them doing, maybe more adventurous stuff or whatever. I think that could be a mom thing, you know? Yeah. But in some ways I feel like I'm less strict. The dating thing. Whenever our oldest got to where she was old enough to date. Yeah. That dating thing. I'm like, we gotta give her all the, you know, our answers on that. We gotta go ahead and talk about the dating thing. You were like, I don't wanna talk about it.

Lennon 12:23

Oh yeah. I had such a hard time with that.

Christal 12:25

Yeah,

Lennon 12:26

I really did. I did not want to talk about it. Yeah. I remember you telling me like, listen, this is happening. Like, you, you need to help me with this. Okay. So we, we can both be the strict parent depending on the situation, but. Who do you think is more likely to be the fun parent?

Christal 12:43

Me.

Lennon 12:43

I think I probably agree with

Christal 12:44

that. Oh yes, I think so. I mean, you're fun, you're a fun person and everything, but I think I'm a lot more like, let's think of all the things we can go do together. Hey, let's go out, let's, I think I'm a little bit more of an extrovert anyways. I am more of an extrovert. And you're an introvert.

Lennon 13:01

Yeah.

Christal 13:01

And so maybe that kind of plays into. Let's go have fun, let's go do things.

Lennon 13:05

Yeah. I'm more funny than fun. I think I, I want to chill and offer commentary. I don't really wanna do things.

Christal 13:11

This reminds me of the night that we did the, the themed, like movie night. And I wanted to make themed food which our kids were like, oh, we're too old for that. But you were like, I just wanna sit here and observe, you know? Do you remember that?

Lennon 13:26

I do not remember this.

Christal 13:27

Yeah. I was like, I think we were doing Lord of the Rings.

Lennon 13:30

It was just another

Christal 13:31

other, it was gonna make oven bread.

Lennon 13:32

Yeah.

Christal 13:33

But I think it ended up just making like stew or something. Yeah, be stew. So it was kind of like that hobbit feel.

Lennon 13:39

Yeah.

Christal 13:40

Yeah. And this also makes me think I'm more of a game person. I don't think that means you're not fun. I just like to do all those kind of things and be goofier and louder maybe.

Lennon 13:50

Yeah, you're definitely the more fun person between us. I would certainly say that. Who do you think is more likely to take a kid's attitude personally?

Christal 14:00

Oh, I don't know. We both have taken it personally.

Lennon 14:04

Yeah.

Christal 14:05

I feel like there's moments where you do and I'm like, Hey, it's not a big deal, and there's moments where I do and you're like encouraging me. Gosh, what do you think? You think it's me? Or is it you?

Lennon 14:15

Hmm. I don't know. We, we could probably find out a percentage on this one, but I think we're probably, we're pretty close in the middle. Mm-hmm. Because I can, imagine several times, very easily where I started to feel like escalating and I make eye contact with you and you give me kind of a little head shake or hold up your hand a little bit. Like, Hey, chill. Mm. And so, um. Yeah, we've helped each other out in situations like that

14:39

before.

Christal 14:40

Yeah. I think you need to, you need to help each other out in those moments.

Lennon 14:43

Yeah.

Christal 14:44

And it depends what kid, every parent knows this. If you have multiple kids, there's just certain things that push your buttons with certain. Yeah. I don't know why, but maybe because they're more like you. Yes. Sometimes when they're more like you, you get more aggravated.

Lennon 14:57

Oh, that's the absolute truth. Mm-hmm. And with one of ours who I will not name, um, they to stay super vague, are definitely more like me in personality. And there have been times where I'm getting so upset and you're like, honey, you know, who else struggles with this? You,

Christal 15:17

mm-hmm.

Lennon 15:17

Mm-hmm. So, yeah. Okay, so that's parenting stuff. Let's move into talking about kind of work and life like whenever it comes to work and life. Who do you think in our marriage is more likely to struggle, to turn it off, to turn off all the things at the end of the day?

Christal 15:35

Yeah, you,

Lennon 15:36

yeah, me

Christal 15:37

for sure. I mean, you even told me once that you had that tendency to get into where you, don't stop the work or you don't have those boundaries at times, you know, where you might work too much. And so I remember that from the very beginning and, and you have really grown in that over the years, I think. Yeah. So that just happens to be your tendency.

Lennon 16:00

Yeah. I think I've, I've had to learn. I'm still learning, but I really have grown a lot. In realizing, hey, all of this will be there tomorrow.

Christal 16:08

Yeah.

Lennon 16:09

But time with you. Time with the kids today. I've already worked today time with you and the kids today won't be there tomorrow. Mm-hmm. In the sense of, I, I can only do today. Today.

Christal 16:20

Yeah.

Lennon 16:21

And I shouldn't miss family opportunities because I treat work like it never needs to have a boundary.

Christal 16:27

Yeah. And our kids need our full attention and our spouse needs our full attention at some point.

Lennon 16:31

Yeah.

Christal 16:32

So. All right. Here's a question for you. Who is more likely to feel torn between work and home?

Lennon 16:39

Who's more likely to feel torn between work and home?

Christal 16:42

Mm-hmm.

Lennon 16:42

I guess probably you.

Christal 16:44

Yep. Yeah. Yeah. That's what I'm saying.

Lennon 16:45

I think so. How does that battle show up in you?

Christal 16:48

You know, personally I really wanted to stay home with the kids whenever they were little, especially. And so I wanted that to be my main thing and I was also in ministry with you at the same time. So there's always, always would be this struggle of like, uh, is it okay to go do work or ministry? And the kids are needing this or that. I think there's just always that mom thing I wanna be home with them. I wanna take care of them.

Lennon 17:17

Yeah.

Christal 17:17

And I also know God has called me to do this and, and that's fine too, to go off and work for him and do things for him. And so sometimes there's just. There's just a struggle there of like, when is it okay? When is it not? Okay? And I know even just like we had some kind of an event at church a couple years ago and you ended up getting to go and I didn't because one of the kids were sick. And this was a few years ago when they were a little younger, and they definitely needed me to be home to help take care of them.

Lennon 17:47

Yeah.

Christal 17:48

And so I didn't go. That night to the event and you went and you were talking to Pastor Becky about me not getting to be there because one of the kids was sick and needed me there. And she was like, oh, I'm so glad she's there with them and taking care of them. And that made me feel even better that it was okay to do this, you know, not be at the big ministry event, even though I knew that was the right choice for that moment. Yeah. So it's just, it's just by situation and. What's happening, so there's always a struggle at times.

Lennon 18:18

Right.

Christal 18:18

You know?

Lennon 18:19

Right. Yeah. Yeah. Definitely. Tensions. Or tensions. Whenever you're not pulled tight, they're not, they're not tensions anymore.

Christal 18:25

Yep.

Lennon 18:26

Was that even a thing that I just said?

Christal 18:29

Tensions are tensions.

Lennon 18:30

Tensions are tensions.

Christal 18:31

I guess it is. Think it's

Lennon 18:32

write it down, down, friends, post it somewhere. It makes no sense. Okay.

Christal 18:37

Okay. I have another one. Okay. I wanna ask on this subject. Okay. Who is more likely to carry emotional weight from other people?

Lennon 18:45

Hmm. okay. I feel like you with family. Me with, with. Whoa, wait. Maybe you with family and me with work?

Christal 18:53

I don't know. I think it's you in general.

Lennon 18:57

Hmm. I think for me, I, I am way better at putting up boundaries with people's stuff to bleed into me always feeling their feelings all the time. Yeah. Is that weird? Okay. So I have to watch out for that. In another way, I have to be careful not to become too hardened. I have to have more compassion and remind myself, and I do have compassion. There are definitely times, especially when it's those closest to me, I really feel what they're feeling. But for the most part, I, I try my best to separate some things so I can go home, especially when you're in ministry or you're in a job where you. Take on the burdens of the people you're there for. You can easily bring that home and then you're just sad all the time. Yeah. Yeah. That's definitely the case. What do you think? Yeah, I think so. A, as you talk, I tend to feel more the need to respond to. Somebody's invitation to go somewhere that it might, it might be difficult for us, but I think, Hey, I think I really need to go. I'm probably say yes to all of it, say yes to all of it. Mm-hmm. I think I, I think I lean more toward that.

Christal 20:05

What's interesting about that to me though, I feel like I'm better at that because sometimes some situations that you say yes to and that you see are important. It clues me into, oh wait, that is important. And yeah, maybe we should share in that. And the Bible talks about carrying one another's burdens.

Lennon 20:22

Mm-hmm.

Christal 20:22

And to cry with those who are. Mourning, you know, mourn with those who are mourning.

Lennon 20:26

Yes.

Christal 20:27

Uh, laugh with those who are joyful. You know, so like we share in, in emotions with people and we should, my thing is like I can't just share everyone's, because I think I would become overwhelmed and not able to function.

Lennon 20:40

Yeah.

Christal 20:41

So I feel like we learn from each other in this area. Does this make sense?

Lennon 20:45

It does.

Christal 20:45

Yeah.

Lennon 20:46

And I think that's how marriage should be.

Christal 20:47

Yeah.

Lennon 20:48

Let's, uh, let's begin to wind this down. Let's talk in terms of, of our faith, okay. With our, our relationship with the Lord. Who in our relationship is more likely to need to be reminded to trust God? Who is more likely to need the reminder to trust God?

Christal 21:04

Oh man, I don't know. We do this for one another all the time.

Lennon 21:11

We do. I think this one just depends on the day.

Christal 21:13

I think it depends on the day and what's happening.

Lennon 21:16

Yeah,

Christal 21:16

yeah, yeah. I don't know if there's one that's almost like saying one trusts God more than the other. I don't think that that's, I don't know. I just don't think, I think we just do that for one another.

Lennon 21:28

Yeah. I think it's possible for one spouse to trust God more than the other. Of course. Yeah. And to have to kind of carry that weight. But I think in our marriage we tend to. I don't know if, if this is a superpower that shows up, the other one's really discouraged. It's time for me to be strong and so. Even if one day I'm weak and discouraged in an area the next day, if you're there, I have, I have more faith and maybe I, I don't know, maybe there's something I need to learn to talk to myself more on those discouraged days so I don't get so down. But I think we really come through for one another in that area.

Christal 22:05

Yeah, I think we do. That's another one I think we share a lot and we've shared over the years better we've learned to share those. Mm-hmm. Over the years better. Okay, here's another one. Who is more likely to encourage the other spiritually?

Lennon 22:19

Again here. I feel like we, I feel like we just take turns.

Christal 22:23

I, I know, I,

Lennon 22:24

I think so too. You, you have, so, you have so often said, honey, the, I remember one phase in our, in our life and ministry together back in North Carolina, I was very down about not just the fact that our, we were in a tough time of ministry at the moment, but as if it was just gonna stay that way. I guess this just isn't gonna work out. And I remember you saying like, honey, you talk, you're talking like God isn't even in the picture. Mm-hmm. Like he can't come through for us and he can. And

Christal 22:55

so

Lennon 22:56

I know you've done that for me.

Christal 22:58

Yeah. Yeah. You've done the same for me as well. When they, things do look really difficult and I think this is like the trusting God thing. I find that you encourage me most spiritually in the ways of really relying on the word and searching and studying. I think that even by your example, that makes me want to search and study in the scripture even more. so that's how I feel encouraged by you in that way.

Lennon 23:23

That's great.

Christal 23:24

Yeah.

Lennon 23:24

Yeah. Thank you for that.

Christal 23:26

Yeah.

Lennon 23:28

Um, okay. Final couple of questions. What is something we've learned that made marriage lighter, like an easier thing to manage?

Christal 23:37

Well, what comes to my mind immediately is just laughing about some things that we might take too seriously or taking ourselves too seriously. instead we going too deep and dark with a thought, like making light of the situation. I think bringing humor into the marriage is really important. I don't mean like everything that we say should be funny because you don't need to be with someone who can never get serious.

Lennon 24:01

Yeah.

Christal 24:02

Like, Hey, listen I'm really saying something important here and I don't want you to laugh but there are just moments where we just take ourselves too seriously or the situation and we don't end up finding some humor in how things happened or how we're reacting to a situation.

Lennon 24:17

Yeah. Yeah. That's really good. I think something that has made kind of the everyday load of life easier to manage in marriage is staying romantic. We've hit on date nights so much lately, but that commitment to us has It has been a reminder that we are always us, that this relationship has to stay strong and good so that we have the reserves of joy and hope to face the rest of life, which is just, which is hard, which is up and down, which is varied.

Christal 24:46

Yeah, you need a good reminder. There's joyful things and beautiful things in life that you can put your heart and mind into. It doesn't all have to be down and depressing or serious, even though we, you may be going through a lot of serious things. it's good to have joy in the middle of that. I mean, the word talks about that. That we should have joy in the middle of our trials. And so I think in these moments where in marriage it becomes really hard or serious, it's okay to bring some joy in, to bring some romance, to bring some lighter things to help you remember that there are some beautiful things in our world and our life that the Lord has given us, and we can focus on those as well.

Lennon 25:24

Yeah.

Christal 25:25

All right. So here's a question for you. What is something we would tell the younger versions of ourselves today, what is something we would wanna tell them?

Lennon 25:34

Wow. I think I would, I would go, want to go back and tell us, I would want to tell a younger version of me I don't know. Hey, life is, life is not a sprint. you're gonna have time to work out this tough season of work or to get through this intense season of parenthood. Like not everything has to be perfectly resolved today for you to still have hope. About your future. That's what I would

Christal 26:02

say. Right. That's really good. I like that.

Lennon 26:05

What about you?

Christal 26:05

Yeah, I would probably tell myself, my younger self in marriage and in parenting, just to slow down and enjoy the moments that you have. Don't feel like you need to rush into the next season. I think a lot of moms and wive. Struggle with this where they feel like they need to go to the next season, or they always looking into that next season and they're not enjoying what's before them. And there were definitely moments that I did enjoy, but I think I could have done that even better to where I realized, hey, this is not always gonna be this way. My child won't always be an infant crying through the night. Like there will be a different season in this parenting. And so. I would just encourage myself to enjoy. Slow down. Don't feel like you need to rush into the next thing.

Lennon 26:51

Yeah. Okay. One more question and we will wrap this up. This actually isn't, isn't on my notes over here, but I think it'd be a good way to end, uh, we've gone through a couple of dozen questions here. However many, some of the answers we agree on right away. Some of them we don't.

Christal 27:08

Yeah.

Lennon 27:09

Some of the questions we would answer similarly. Some of them we answered differently. What do you think that says about the nature of marriage and kind of maybe some encouragement for our friends listening?

Christal 27:21

Yeah, I think if, as we've been talking, I've noticed how we are very different in some areas and that's not a bad thing. I think it can be a good thing because you rely on one another's strengths. So we're both, good and bad at certain things, but also we learn from one another. And I, I think it's good that we're not feeling like we have to be the exact same person or expecting our spouse to be the same as we are, and just recognizing, hey, we're different people. We have different strengths, and that's a good thing, not a bad thing. What do you think?

Lennon 27:57

Yeah, I love that. I remember. Hearing a pastor say once that if both of you were exactly the same, somebody would be unnecessary.

Christal 28:05

Yeah.

Lennon 28:06

I don't think he invented that phrase, but, but it is true that going into marriage, it's definitely the case that the more you have in common with this person, you're, you're dating or engaged to,, that's good. That's tools in the toolbox, things you agree on, but there are gonna be things that you're drastically different on. And, it's not all personality flaws or a lack of understanding. Sometimes there are very real strengths to make our family work. I need what you have and to make our family work you need what I have. And that's what it means to be one. Like we, we need each other.

Christal 28:41

That's right. Well, that was a fun episode. I enjoyed doing that. It was a little more off the cuff, but it was really fun.

Lennon 28:49

It was good. I enjoyed it. Well, friends, don't forget to follow or subscribe so that you never miss an episode. We drop new ones every Tuesday, If today's conversation encouraged you, would you take a minute and share it with someone else you know that'll help more people find the show? You can always visit us@homeinmarriage.com for more resources like our Six Habits of Happy Couples Course, and like we mentioned at the outset, if you would like Crystal me or us to come speak at your church or event, you can schedule us through that website, home and marriage.com. You can also follow us along on Instagram, Facebook, or TikTok. All those links are in the show notes.

Christal 29:23

Thank you for joining us on the Home and Marriage Podcast. We really do believe that home can be your favorite place. We'll be back again next week with more encouragement and wisdom to help you become better at home and stronger together.

29:38

I.