Loving Your Spouse Through Anxiety, Depression, and Burnout

What do you do when your spouse is the one struggling—and you have to be the strong one?

In this episode, we talk honestly about a season in our marriage where anxiety, burnout, and emotional exhaustion changed everything. What started as an exciting new chapter—moving across the country, starting a ministry, and raising young kids—quickly turned into a heavy and overwhelming season that neither of us expected.

One of us found ourselves in a deep place of discouragement and burnout… while the other had to carry more than ever before.

If you’re walking through a season where your spouse is dealing with anxiety, depression, or burnout, this conversation is for you. We share what it actually looked like for us, what helped (and what didn’t), and how we made it through without losing hope.

In this episode, we talk about:

• What it’s like when your spouse feels like a different person
• How to support your partner when they can’t receive encouragement
• Why you don’t have to carry the weight alone
• The importance of prayer and relying on God in hard seasons
• When to invite others in—and when counseling can help
• Holding onto hope when things feel like they won’t get better

Whether you’re the one struggling or the one holding everything together, we want to remind you: this season is not the end of your story. Healing is possible. Restoration is possible. And there are better days ahead.

Transcript

Lennon 0:02

This is the Home and Marriage Podcast with Lenin and Crystal Noland, where we help couples become better at home and stronger together. We are husband and wife, parents and ministers who want God's best for our home and for yours. Hello friends, whoever you are, wherever you are, and whatever you're doing, we're glad that you're here with us on the show today. We're coming to you live from the Worldwide Home and marriage studios. You're over that joke, aren't you?

Christal 0:30

A KAR bedroom a I can complete that sentence for you now.

Lennon 0:33

You can. You can, but it is a good day. I've got coffee over here. I'm enjoying that. And I noticed though that you are not drinking coffee.

Christal 0:42

I'm not because linen, as you know, I'm in perimenopause and some mornings I can only have, like, I didn't even have a whole cup of coffee today. I, I was feeling the anxiousness as I was drinking this caffeine. Yeah. And it's so sad because this used to never happen to me when I drank coffee.

Lennon 1:02

Yeah.

Christal 1:02

I would just feel that good morning buzz and feel great, but now. I'm drinking honey lavender, stress relief tea, so I can feel calmer during this time of my life.

Lennon 1:14

That's good. That's sad though. What? That's, it's no way to live.

Christal 1:18

It's no way

Lennon 1:18

to live. To not be able to drink coffee. That's a guy that I follow on social media. He's a. Fitness. He's a fitness guy and coach, and he posted yesterday, he said, a couple of years ago, I did an experi experiment of eliminating coffee from my diet altogether.

Christal 1:36

Mm-hmm.

Lennon 1:36

And he said my sleep improved a little bit, but my quality of life dipped dramatically. So I'm drinking coffee again.

Christal 1:43

Yeah.

Lennon 1:43

I mean, you and I, you used to bring up sometimes at night before we went to bed. I can't wait for coffee in the morning.

Christal 1:49

Yeah.

Lennon 1:50

Well, do you remember that?

Christal 1:50

Yeah. And I still drink coffee. It's just all about the timing and the day. It's just certain days, certain days of the month that are like, Nope, can't have that much coffee right now. So I'm still going to drink coffee. I can't live without coffee. I mean, I don't want to. Okay. I can.

Lennon 2:09

That's a better way

Christal 2:09

to put

Lennon 2:09

it. Yeah,

Christal 2:10

that sounds like an addict, but I'm just saying. It is better for me at times to go less on the coffee maybe. And time it better. It's all about timing. I even read an article the other day because I was researching this because I was very frustrated about my coffee intake. Yeah. Not being what it could be and. One article said, if you're a woman in perimenopause or hormonal, things are happening. Don't drink coffee until later like 10:00 AM later in the morning. 10:00 AM is much better than early morning, but it's so sad because I want that early morning. Wake up with my coffee,

Lennon 2:50

sitting with Jesus, drinking your coffee.

Christal 2:51

Yeah. Nothing better than I. I just am believing for a time in my life. Well, this will not be a thing.

Lennon 2:58

I'm gonna believe with you.

Christal 2:59

Okay, thank you.

Lennon 3:00

I'm gonna believe with you. So awesome Honey Lavender. Stress relief. You know, there. I feel like there's a good connection with what we want to talk about today.

Christal 3:07

Yeah, I think so.

Lennon 3:08

So what we want to talk to you about today, friends, is whenever one of you in your marriage is. Broken. Whenever one of you is going through a, a really hard time, maybe that lasts for a really long time. You might call it a season of anxiety. You might call it depression. You might call it burnout.

Christal 3:26

Mm-hmm.

Lennon 3:26

But it's inevitable that you're going to go through hard times in marriage. We all know that. We talk about this all the time.

Christal 3:35

Yeah.

Lennon 3:35

But sometimes one of you may go through an extended season of pain and suffering, and the other of you has to be the strong one.

Christal 3:44

Yeah, it, isn't inevitable that everybody will have that, but it is more common than ever. I feel like I hear more and more people that go through it. and we did, we did go through that season and we've had other seasons of this and I, I know I joke about perimenopause, but. Let me just say it's a real thing that is happening to my body and happens to other people's bodies.

Lennon 4:08

Yeah.

Christal 4:09

And so sometimes like there's just a, there's a chemical imbalance that happens or hormonal thing, and sometimes it's other stuff like just a season where things are hard and you're not, you're just not processing it well. Or you have a spouse who's not processing it well, or maybe just the way, it's not like necessarily they did anything. For it to happen. I know there are seasons where maybe somebody did something and that brought a lot of pain, but we're talking more about sometimes you go through anxiety issues or depression issues or burnout because of life.

Lennon 4:44

Yes.

Christal 4:44

Right?

Lennon 4:45

Yes. And so we're gonna close the episode today with some encouragement for the person who is burned out or who is depressed, whoever's in, in the hole. But what we wanna do with most of. The discussion today is to encourage the one who's having to bear up under the weight. Mm-hmm. The one who's having to, to carry more. And so we, we do want to share some of our story because we went through a season where this was you. You were the one who had to be strong. You were the one who was being leaned on instead of being able to lean on me.

Christal 5:21

Yeah, and we've talked about this in different seminars. When we do our marriage talk, we talk about this. Some of you may have heard our story some, but going into it deeper and talking about it maybe even more open today on the podcast, we were. A season of this when we were younger. Uh, goodness. We had been married maybe five years at this point. We had our, we had two children at the time and we had a kind of amazing call from the Lord to go to North Carolina and start a ministry for, um, college students at Duke University. So we had this big calling and we moved our family, our little family. Away from any friends or family. We went to a place that was brand new to us. There was a lot of excitement in it.

Lennon 6:12

Yes.

Christal 6:12

And then a lot of challenges.

Lennon 6:14

Yes. excitement was huge. It's funny, I was actually talking to our oldest daughter about this this morning. She said, if there was any year of your life you could live over again, what would it be? And I actually said, you know that the year that we moved to North Carolina. You know, and we of course brought, um, two kids with us, and our youngest daughter came through adoption really quickly. We know that for me, I, I took a nose dive eventually, but initially, yeah, that was a great season. Like big adventure, big dreams, big move, holding onto each other and, um, it started great.

Christal 6:54

Yeah, it really did. I mean, North Carolina is beautiful and the place we were living was just such a neat place to to live and we still love going back there and visiting'cause it's just such a beautiful place. So there's so much about it. That was very exciting and. I think it's just one of those things where you don't see all the things that are coming ahead of time and you don't know what it's gonna be like until you go through it. And I know when we were starting this ministry, we were pretty much alone until we had a couple of friends that ended up a couple of girls from our ministry back home that ended up coming up there with us.

Lennon 7:32

Regular listeners to the podcast, by the way. That's

Christal 7:34

right.

Lennon 7:34

Shout out to Stacy and Tracy

Christal 7:36

and they were lifesavers in lots of ways because we did have three kids, three and under, and we needed someone to watch the kids while we went to do ministry. So one of the girls would do that. And when we'd come to the campus with us, so usually just that small, just a small group of people that are really trying to start something fresh in an environment where I will just say spiritually, it was hard. We, we felt that opposition spiritually and just logistically, there were some things that were just tougher to minister on that campus to those students, which we loved and we were excited about. Just very different atmosphere. So we had some of those challenges and then. We had, obviously we were, we were mission US missionaries at that time, so we had to raise our salary, which, um, you had a certain limit that you could raise and then that wasn't very much. So we're living in a place where it was more expensive to live with little kids in a little rent house and everything just cost a ton. So financially we were having a lot of stress as well.

Lennon 8:47

Yeah. In no time. It went from not having a lot of money but making it to putting groceries on credit cards. So it was really a lot of great things, but then kind of a perfect storm. Of some financial difficulties, just the deep fatigue of trying to get a ministry off the ground, spiritual discouragement. And what really happened was over the course of that first year. I went pretty deep into a hole, and a lot of it was around what, in retrospect, things that God wasn't expecting of me and nobody was demanding of me, but I expected things to go so well so quickly because that had always been our experience in life and ministry before.

Christal 9:31

Yeah,

Lennon 9:31

and I would've never said, ministry has gone well because I'm good at this, but when things weren't going well. I did think ministry is going bad because I'm bad at this. This is my fault. We're doing bad financially. I'm not taking care of my family. We're doing bad in ministry. I must not be cut out for this. And so by the end of that first academic year that we were ministering at Duke University, I was headed to a pretty dark place.

Christal 9:59

Yeah. I could see a change come over you after a while, The way I describe it to people is the man I married seemed so different. You didn't seem your normal self. you weren't joking much. You just seemed really down a lot. You seemed stressed out and. I could tell. And even when my parents first visited us ever in North Carolina, my mom and dad could tell you didn't seem the same. And so this change came over you and I know you were trying. Yeah. And, and, but it was just different. And I was just like, what in the world am I supposed to do here? So we're watching this video and Saul, the kids were playing and I was in the living room and you were there, but you're gonna make me cry.

Lennon 10:43

It's okay. Let's just tell the, just tell the story. It's okay. Okay.

Christal 10:47

So we're watching this home video and the kids were playing and you were there in the background, but you just looked sad. You did not look like my normal husband who was happy.

Lennon 11:00

Yeah.

Christal 11:00

So it, it's just weird looking back and seeing the um, reality. Of how that was and how that felt. Of course, we're many years removed from, from this situation. Yeah. But I feel like anytime we talk about it, we do tear up at times it, we get emotional because we remember how that was and what it was like and how different you were and, and praise the Lord. He has done so much in you and in us and through that experience. And on the other side, just to give people out there hope. You know, on the other side things are not like they were with that and we had learned so much from that situation. But I will just say, I know that there's definitely people listening that are either have a spouse that are going through depression, maybe anxiety, maybe those two go together. You honestly, sometimes those go together.

Lennon 11:58

Yeah.

Christal 11:59

You know? Or a season of burnout, which tends to bring the depression and anxiety.

Lennon 12:04

Right. So for you, whenever you saw me going dark and you saw these changes going, um, going on in me, what was that like for you in just. Maintaining your, of course, responsibilities as a mom that didn't go away and responsibilities as a wife. But I know one of the things that over the years we've talked about some is that you felt like the power of your voice in my life began to diminish a little bit because you knew you were saying things that were true and things that I really needed to hear, but I couldn't really receive. I couldn't really receive stuff.

Christal 12:43

Yeah, I don't I just don't think you were at a place where you could receive the encouragement from me like you usually did. I think you probably, and this is, you can answer this, but you probably thought, of course she's just saying this'cause she loves me, but I was trying to encourage you like, it's gonna get better. It's not your fault that things aren't going maybe the way we planned them to go, whereas. Amazingly great at the beginning, like we thought would happen, but I remember saying things to you that were really true and I knew were true, but it's like you didn't believe it or didn't think it was true, or just didn't seem, it didn't seem like it affected you. I felt like my words were really falling to the ground. Everything I was trying to encourage you with, and it. It just didn't seem to make a difference. But if you're asking what it was it like for me, I mean, three kids, three and under first of all are gonna keep you really busy.

Lennon 13:33

Yes.

Christal 13:33

So I just think, honestly a lot of it, I kept busy with them and when, you know, here's the deal. When one of the spouses, and we've experienced this over many years, when one spouse is going through a difficult time, the other spouse ends up being more the cheerleader, the encourager. They kind of hold it together for a little while. it's just something you do because that's what you know to do.

Lennon 13:57

Yes.

Christal 13:58

I would say I really the Lord had to have strengthened me in that time. Yeah. And given me that. You can do it. it's gonna be all right. Just kind of knowing eventually things will change and praying for that to get better.

Lennon 14:11

Yeah.

Christal 14:11

But I, I do think the Lord was strengthening me to do what I needed to do.

Lennon 14:16

Yeah. This makes me think of, uh, there's an episode, I think it's in season five of the office, where famously Michael Scott leaves Dunder Mifflin to start his own paper company.

Christal 14:26

Yes. And this is really hilarious that we're talking about the office in this moment of like,

Lennon 14:32

I know, sad

Christal 14:32

depression.

Lennon 14:33

Yeah. What a, what a yank of the wheel. But sometimes you need a little comedic relief.

Christal 14:36

Yeah, you do.

Lennon 14:37

In tough moments. Michael Scott declares he's leaving the company where he has made his name and worked all of those years, and for some reason, his receptionist, Pam agrees to go with him. And so she decides to take a gamble on this new adventure and she shows up to his house on day one of starting the company, and he's still in his bathrobe. He's not dressed and he's making so much french toast. The pile is a couple of feet high. And she realizes that this guy is absolutely overwhelmed.

Christal 15:11

Yeah.

Lennon 15:11

And he says, what was I thinking? I can't believe I did this. And she goes into this mode where she becomes his coach all of a sudden and she's encouraging him. And eventually, you know, office style, she ends up talking to the camera by herself and she goes, listen, I have doubts about this too, but sometimes whenever one person freaks out, it weirdly makes the other one calmer.

Christal 15:32

Yeah.

Lennon 15:32

And she said, that's one thing I've learned about relationships. And I think there's something of a proverb about that in marriage that sometimes we take turns being the strong one.

Christal 15:42

Yeah, that's right. We, we do, I know there's been times later past this situation where I have kind of lost it over something and I just couldn't, I just couldn't deal with it. You know, and you stepped in and were the calm one and the rational one and the patient one, and it was really a lifesaver because I don't know how you do it if both of you're falling apart it's amazing to me how, how spouses do that for one another. And I really think that's a loving thing to do. It's, I think it's just, Hey, I'm, I know you're not able to. To deal with this right now, and I'm gonna deal with it for you, you know? Yes. Because we do, we just take turns.

Lennon 16:23

So what we want to do in the, in the last part of this episode is we want to give you friend four encouragement if you are the stronger one right now. If you're the one having to be leaned on. Uh, we want to give you some things that, that we've learned and, uh, that have really sustained us. And so the first one that we wanna encourage you with is this. Don't feel like your own sense of peace or joy or hope has to depend entirely on theirs.

Christal 16:52

Yeah,

Lennon 16:53

like the, I mean, you are their spouse, so you cannot not suffer while they are suffering. But at the same time, I mean, honey, you had to find encouragement from somewhere that I wasn't able to give you.

Christal 17:07

I know for me, I just, honestly, and I think this is something I probably learned the most from this season, was my reliance on the Lord was. Different than anything I'd ever had to do before. it's I'm either gonna rely on the Lord and I'm gonna pray about this and I'm gonna keep going or I'm not, you know? Right. What's your other option? You know what I'm saying? So, realizing, hey, this is really is affecting me and it's hard, but right now I'm gonna really trust in God and rely on his peace and his strength because the Bible does talk about his peace. That's beyond our understanding.

Lennon 17:47

Yeah.

Christal 17:47

So it's not a piece that even make sense because there were, times where I was peaceful and joyful in the midst of this, and it may have not made sense for me to be. But I think that was just the Lord's strengthening me and helping me look at the bright side and the good, and also not giving up on hope. Yeah. That things can get better.

Lennon 18:09

Yeah, that's an, that's really important because hope had to come from the outside because I couldn't, I couldn't give anything to you. And, um, if your spouse is suffering, they're probably not always gonna be thinking clearly. And if they're not thinking clearly. They're not gonna be acting right or saying things that are necessarily

Christal 18:29

Yeah,

Lennon 18:29

true. And so one of the psalms that later on became a tremendous encouragement to me is Psalm chapter 73. A guy named Asaf writes it, but he says this, he says, when I became embittered in my inner most being was wounded. I was, this is toward God. I was stupid and didn't understand I was an unthinking animal toward you. Yet, he says, I am always with you. You hold my right hand. You guide me with your counsel. And so what he is saying is that he wasn't capable of thinking right things about God because he was so wounded in his, in his heart and he got bitter. And boy did I get bitter as well. I remember my prayer times whenever y'all were gone were sometimes kind of shouting matches with the Lord, where I was just so, so angry. And, um. You. I remember really having to contradict my own thinking a couple of times and say, honey, you're thinking like God's not in the equation. And like, he's not with us here, but he is. And so if you're the strong one and your spouse is going through it right now, they shouldn't believe everything they're thinking. So don't you feel like you have to believe everything they're saying? If they're saying it's over, it's never gonna get better. I don't know how I'm gonna get out of this. Don't believe that. Draw strength from the Lord.

Christal 19:52

I think you made a really good point with that, saying that the other person isn't their normal self and they may be saying things or acting in ways that they wouldn't normally, especially when you're going through struggles with depression or anxiety. There are just times where you kind of have to. Maybe something that would help you have patience is just to realize that when you're the one supporting the person that's going through it and realizing, Hey, this is not their normal self. I'm not taking everything they say seriously, I'm gonna be patient with them if I need to speak up and say something to encourage them do it, but realize that this is not their normal self.

Lennon 20:33

Yeah. They're describing. At best, accurately how they feel.

Christal 20:38

Yeah. Yeah.

Lennon 20:38

And there are things that are more real than our feelings.

Christal 20:41

That's right.

Lennon 20:43

So that, so that's a, that's a really important thing, like don't let your own sense of, of peace and joy, hang on, how they're doing. And then a second thing is to enlist other voices. Into the equation. You don't have to carry the weight of being the only encouraging voice in their life, don't you think, babe?

Christal 21:03

Yes. And I remember after feeling like nothing I was saying was helping much. I think I had that realization of like, I can't be the only one in his life encouraging him or knowing about what he's going through. And I remember suggesting to you, maybe you should talk to a friend. Like you have really good friends. They're long distance, some of them are. And then we had a pastor friend that you were starting to become friends with who was a very, uh, safe place to talk to. Yeah. And so I remember encouraging you to go and talk to them or call your best friend and tell him what's happening so I remember, I remember encouraging you that.

Lennon 21:39

You know, I remember talking to one friend of mine during that time, Michael, and it was very much a, a finely talking to him thing because I was, I should have been telling my friends in advance like, you know, this is pretty rough. Will you pray for me? Yeah. But like,

Christal 21:53

you know,

Lennon 21:54

oh, like a prideful man. I, of course I didn't.

Christal 21:56

Well, we all do that and I think especially for us when we are,'cause we're in ministry and we're like missionaries on a campus and we're trying to do this for the Lord, we feel like we're not supposed to be able. We to have these hard times. Yeah. Like something's really wrong with us because we're facing anxiety or depression. I think that can go for anybody, not even in ministry at all. But I know for us, we felt that weight, and I'm sure you felt a little well answer that. Did you feel like because we were in ministry or because we're doing this thing, you couldn't. You shouldn't be going through it.

Lennon 22:30

I don't know if I could have articulated that, but I definitely did feel guilty about not being at my best. Right. About not being, I'm not a good husband, I'm not a good dad, I'm not a good leader. And so I didn't want anybody to know that.

Christal 22:43

Yeah,

Lennon 22:44

it, that wasn't all true, but that was all how it truly felt.

Christal 22:47

Yeah.

Lennon 22:48

And so I remember talking to my friend Michael about that, and I just sort of unloaded everything and I said, I don't know, man, am I. Does this make sense? And he goes, does it make sense that you would move across the country, that you would experience big financial changes? That you'd have three kids, three and under, one of whom came through a surprise adoption. And he starts listing everything that had gone into the perfect storm. And he's like, yeah, it makes sense that this could really take a toll on you.

Christal 23:18

Mm-hmm.

Lennon 23:19

And what we've learned since is how to carry pain differently. And how to handle things in a more healthy way at the outset.

Christal 23:28

Yeah.

Lennon 23:28

But at that point, didn't have, but the voice of friends was really big. And that's another, you know, Proverbs 27, where it talks about the sweetness of a friend is better than self counsel. That sometimes we are just counseling ourself. We're navel gazing, we're thinking and turning it over in our mind. Sometimes we need the outside voice of, of another man or another woman.

Christal 23:50

Yeah.

Lennon 23:51

Just say, Hey, the sun's gonna come up. Like it's gonna be okay.

Christal 23:55

Right. I think that what you're describing when he listed the things that were difficult, it helped you feel like, okay, I'm not crazy then I'm facing this difficult time. It's obvious that other people see it too. I dunno. There's something about When friends say, this is hard. Of course you're, you're dealing with some hard things or when you have another friend who's even said, Hey, you know what? I've been there. I actually have been through burnout or anxiety or depression, and what you're telling me is something that happens and it can get better. Sometimes you just need to hear that you're not the only one going through that either.

Lennon 24:35

Yeah. And so what you have to know if you're the strong one right now is that. Your wife or your husband, whoever's in the hole, they may not be the ones to be, be healthy enough to reach out for help. So you as the strong one, feel free to enlist a friend. I've had, I've had a couple of wives over the years of some good friends reach out to me and just say, Hey, will you please call? My husband.

Christal 25:00

Yeah,

Lennon 25:01

he's really going through it right now. I think he could use your voice and so like that's an okay thing to do.

Christal 25:08

Yeah.

Lennon 25:08

To reach out to Sneaky in a healthy way. Reaching out to someone you know, they trust. Maybe they haven't been returning their calls or texts. Hey, can you swing by? Or can you do something enlist these other voices.

Christal 25:22

Yeah, I think that's really important. That could save a person. We really do need to be looking out for one another and, and helping each other in that way.

Lennon 25:31

Yeah, so own your own sense of peace and joy. You know, lean on the Lord for that. Enlist other voices. And then if you're going to survive a season of being the strong one, you are going to have to have a prayer life that is a match for the season that you're in.

Christal 25:48

Yes, I know, I know. Like we said earlier, prayer was a huge part of getting through this. I, I don't know how I could have done this without speaking to the Lord, getting comfort from him during prayer times, and you even have some cool times where God spoke to you. Specifically during this season, which we don't have to get into today, we might bring another episode Yeah. About things and talk about that. How the Lord specifically got through to you through some prayer times. Yes. And, and through words from friends that were totally the Lord. But I will just say for me, spending time in prayer was really important. And I remember when I saw this happening in you and changing and I didn't know what to do and I was. Encouraging you. It doesn't seem like it was helping. I remember going to the Lord and just asking the Lord, what do I do? I just don't. I don't feel like I know what to do God, and I don't understand what's happening with him. This is before you even opened up to me much about what was happening. I knew you were going through burnout and you were really having a hard time, but I did know how to encourage you, and the Lord was very specific in this one prayer moment with me, and he spoke to my heart and he said, he's mad at me. Lennon is mad at me, and I didn't have any clue that you were going through anger with the Lord, or disappointment or whatever. You wanna maybe verbalize what that was, but I didn't understand that. And so I remember we were talking one day. Of course, I'm, I'm careful sometimes about what the Lord tells me that maybe you don't need to know it or, you know, maybe this isn't something to share with you yet. But I really, since, like in this time we were talking, I should tell you what the Lord told me, and I remember when I did, it's, it's like it opened up a moment of you. Admitting. Yeah, I've been very angry with the Lord. I've been dealing with this and I remember it kind of opened up a way for you to talk about it in your words, you told me you were very ashamed of even being a. Mad at the Lord.

Lennon 27:55

Yeah.

Christal 27:55

Do you remember?

Lennon 27:56

Yeah. Because I'm a minister.

Christal 27:57

Yeah.

Lennon 27:58

What kind of minister is, is mad at the Lord, but emotions are what they are and things don't get better by pretending they're not there.

Christal 28:06

Yeah.

Lennon 28:06

Just things get better by checking those things against the truth of his word and against the character of God. So yeah, that was really, important during that time with the Lord speaking to you on that, and then how he has. Over the years and other situations to both of us, it's always a reminder that we may be at a loss. This is true for this subject in anything we face in home and marriage.

Christal 28:31

Mm-hmm.

Lennon 28:32

We may be at a loss. We may be confused. God is not confused. he is not at a loss. It may not always be the case, and it hasn't always been the case that he says this, this is what's going on. Right. But whether you. Hear something directively from the Lord, or you are just petitioning your father in heaven

Christal 28:52

mm-hmm.

Lennon 28:53

On behalf of the one you love. That's a powerful thing.

Christal 28:57

Mm-hmm.

Lennon 28:57

And, and do not worry more than you pray.

Christal 29:00

And can I say God can handle. All of your prayers and your worries he can handle hearing what you need to tell him. Don't be ashamed to talk to him. And this would go for the spouse hurting and the spouse that's. Supporting the one that's hurting. He can handle your frustrations. And even in that time when you were angry with the Lord, he can handle your anger. This really though makes me think of Job. Of course. This all makes me think of Job a lot. Yeah. I just got through, read that, whole book in my, um, Bible reading and I was ready to get out of job. I'm just gonna say I was kind of done with it, but I remember the, the big moment that I love is when God finally steps in and. talks.

Lennon 29:44

Yeah.

Christal 29:45

So Job, job has said all these things. Even some of the things Job says wasn't great to say.

Lennon 29:50

Yeah.

Christal 29:50

You, know, He still did well through it all, I think. Tell me what your opinion is. I think,

Lennon 29:55

yeah,

Christal 29:56

anybody who went through what job went through, Mm-hmm. But you know, he said a lot of things that weren't quite true about the Lord. And so did his friends. His friends were not helpful, they weren't really good friends. But I loved how the end, when God says who's the one that set the sea from the dry land, who's the one that set the world emotion. And he goes on to say, who is the one that did all this?

Lennon 30:18

Yeah.

Christal 30:19

he, he just reminded job that, listen, I can do anything. I'm God. But he didn't cut relationship off with Joe just because job was angry.

Lennon 30:29

Right.

Christal 30:29

About what he was going through. Right. So all that to say God can handle your prayers, your, your stress, your worries, your anxieties and prayer. He can handle all of those and he wants to be the one to come and comfort you and to show. Show up and show you who he is.

Lennon 30:46

Yeah, he really does. So lean on the Lord. And, uh, one final encouragement. I, I guess the fourth one that, I, I think prayer really could have been fourth, but I do feel like this is important to say. If you feel like you need counseling or if you feel like the one you love needs counseling, you can't make it happen, but encourage that. I, I don't really roll with the, we should all be in, in regular therapy idea that's kind of floating out there, but I also don't believe that. A Christian needs to be ashamed of calling in a pro. There are times where you have thought to your capability of thinking, where you might have tried everything, you know how to try, and you feel like I could really use the benefit of talking to a professional. God has called people into that profession and it is not a bad thing to explore that avenue and to see if that can help.

Christal 31:46

I wholeheartedly agree. And I remember even making that comment to you. You know, there's probably a counselor who you could get to talk to about this stuff that's, that may know way more about this stuff than we do. Yeah. Who understands the ins and outs of all this stuff. And I think you got your counselor's name from our pastor Nathan, who knew I did, knew of him. And I just remember You describing this counselor, and it was like the Lord had really given you the perfect person for this situation.

Lennon 32:19

Yes. Yeah. He was, uh, I describe him as kind of a mad scientist. He, he was this older man. His hair was kind of Einstein. Yeah. Like a little, a little all over the place. But he just knew, I mean, I was in a place where I was thinking to all the wrong conclusions as, as we've talked about here, I felt, I would've never said, I'm a uniquely wounded butterfly. But I did feel like I, like I, I was very wounded and the thing that I came to understand. In talking with this guy was that I wasn't rare.

Christal 32:53

Mm-hmm.

Lennon 32:53

That men and women went through what I was going through. Now he had a background of counseling ministers in pain. Yeah.

Christal 33:01

Yeah.

Lennon 33:01

And so as I told him my story and all this kind of stuff, I mean, it was a professional take and a professional diagnosis where he said you, you were in burnout. You're at a place where you need to pause everything very significantly so that this doesn't get worse, or so that you don't do something dumb,

Christal 33:20

right?

Lennon 33:20

And so that was kind of a big step on the road to healing for me. And what was amazing about it, and what I came to understand was that, I mean, he might've seen somebody else in a hole like I was that week. That I, I wasn't as lost or off the reservation as, as I thought, like there was a road back. And sometimes a pro can help you see that in a way. Some of the things he said were things that you had said, but God used his voice and, and his gifting to help me get back where I needed to be.

Christal 33:56

Well, I could tell after just a couple of meetings, there was a change in you. It's like someone was able to, Help you in a way that I couldn't necessarily, or even other friends were helpful to you. And I think, goodness, we all need friends. I think that can save us from a lot of a lot of things. But I just noticed a huge difference in you, and I was very thankful that you went when you did go. So we didn't get into a place where something went off the rails because decisions being made in burnout are never good. And. It was good because you did slow down and you did, heal, and I saw the Lord work through the counselor as well. So there's no shame in going to a counselor for help. I would suggest if you're able to find a counselor that is Christian, that's always a help because they can see some things differently, especially if you're a believer, but. I'm so glad you ended up going and I would encourage anybody who is going through this kind of thing, even if you're the supporting spouse and you're able to afford a counselor as well, it could help, you know better what to do in these times too.

Lennon 35:07

Yeah. So I guess what we wanna leave you with friends is just this encouragement. There can be, there will be, we're believing this for you better days ahead. If you are the strong one right now, know that this person you love, this man or this woman, they can come back. To who they were. Not only that they can come back better, they can learn some things from this. And then if you are the one who's hurting, I just want to encourage you. A favorite author of mine has a phrase, don't believe everything you think that you are probably right now believing some things that are absolutely not true. Believe God more than you. Believe yourself and know that it, it may, it may take some time, but you can be restored. and you can be made whole again.

Christal 35:53

So friends, don't forget to follow or subscribe, so you never miss an episode. We drop new ones every Tuesday. If today's conversation encouraged you, would you take a minute and share this episode with someone you know? It really helps more people find the show and join our community. You can visit home and marriage.com for more resources, like our Six Habits of Happy Couples Course, and if you'd like us to come speak at your church or event, you can schedule us through the website. You can also follow along on Instagram, Facebook, or TikTok. All of the links are in the show notes.

Lennon 36:28

So thank you for joining us today on the Home and Marriage Podcast. We really do believe that home can be your favorite place. We will be back next week with more encouragement and wisdom to help you become better at home and stronger together.