God Can Start With You: Creating The Home You Never Had

What if the family you’ve always longed for could start with you?

In this episode, we talk about how God can redeem your past and help you build a healthy, Christ-centered home—even if you didn’t grow up with one. Whether your background was full of faith or filled with dysfunction, you are not stuck repeating the same patterns.

We share personal stories, practical wisdom, and biblical encouragement on how one life surrendered to Jesus can change the trajectory of a marriage, a family, and even future generations.

If you’ve ever wondered, “Can I really create something different for my family?”—this episode is for you.

Transcript

Lennon 0:01

This is the Home and Marriage Podcast with Lennon and Christal Noland, where we help couples become better at home and stronger together. We are husband and wife, parents and ministers who want God's best for our home and for yours. Well, hello friends. Thank you for joining with us today. The coffee is brewed. It's a rainy day in Texas, but that's okay because a brighter day is coming. You know why baby is that? Because Easter is this weekend because Easter is this weekend. That's right. How did you know where I was going with that?

Christal 0:30

I could sense it. I, I have this telepathy gift with you. You do? No,

Lennon 0:35

Um, I was thinking today about. That big day coming up and how with the age of our kids, it's changed so much over the years. I mean, typically at this point you would've had us all buying new outfits. We would've maybe arranged Easter baskets. That's, we've been a few years removed from that. It's just interesting how over the years of parenting, uh, Easter can look really different.

Christal 0:59

Yeah, I really can, and I am, as you're talking, I'm thinking of some specific Easters that were really fun. Do you remember that Easter, that I think it was our youngest first time to ever hunt. She might have been around, I don't know, two and a half or so. Yeah. And we were in North Carolina at the time, at our church there. And she, when I found her, like they were all kind of in the vicinity of where I was. We had three kids hunting at the same time. Right. And of course, you know, it's crazy out there with those kids running around getting the Easter eggs in their basket. Yes. And uh, I was watching our youngest and she had her basket full of pink. Eggs. I don't know what it was about the color pink. Yeah, but she only wanted the pink ones. Yeah. And it was hilarious.

Lennon 1:46

Yeah, I remember that. I remember another Easter that wasn't as hilarious. Do you remember the one? We went to a really big community Easter egg hunt Here in the Dallas area. Yes, and I know which one you're talking about because I wasn't there. This was a hunt that I did not attend because it was on a Saturday. So you went with my parents. That's right. And you were like in worship practice or something for the next day. Yeah, I was preparing. So maybe this disaster wouldn't have happened if I was there. Just kidding. Well, that's not true at all. Let's be honest. It probably would not have. So here's the scenario. Friends, big communities, str hunt. Do you remember back in the day, uh, churches were for some reason into the helicopter egg drop? Oh yeah. So we're at some big baseball field. A helicopter comes over, drops thousands and thousands of eggs on the ground. Hundreds of kids are lined up. So I'm with your parents and there, there's other grandkids there Mm-hmm. There's our kids there. And whenever they said go. Within about four seconds, I lost sight of all of our kids. Yeah.'cause they were fast at this point too. Well they were. They were fast and there were so many kids.

Christal 2:57

Oh yeah. That they just disappeared in the crowd. Right. It was horrible. And we actually eventually found our son. It was like the whole intercom thing. Looking for, uh, Lennon. Nolan. And then here's this lady walking my son Uhhuh, who is in tears and he's so small and it was just, that was crazy. But Easter the main thing is the main thing. It is. And that's the resurrection of Jesus. And your kids never outgrow the need to celebrate the resurrection of Jesus. It's so true.

Lennon 3:26

I'm really looking forward to Easter Sunday, just worshiping together as a family and celebrating the resurrection. I, I look forward to that every year. Even if not everything looks perfect or you don't all have the perfect Easter outfits on that day, it really is about that and reminding your kids and your family. And I'm thinking here of a Tim Keller quote, he's with the Lord now. But I love what he said. He said, if the resurrection of Jesus is true.

Christal 3:56

Then everything else that we are concerned about, everything sad can be put in its proper perspective, right? In fact, everything that's crushingly sad will become untrue in the resurrection of Jesus. I actually just really mangled to Tim Keller quote, but I think that's the, the sentiment, all things new.

Lennon 4:14

I get that and I feel that, I think that Easter always reminds me that no matter what's going on in your life at the moment or what is not working out, we do have that promise like Tim Keller said. So it's really a time to remember that the Lord wins in the end no matter what He wins and things will be made right.

Christal 4:35

So that's really great to, to hold onto and to be hopeful for. It is. So to step into the heart of the discussion today something wonderful is that resurrection life can begin in some form on this side of heaven, on this side of the return of Christ. And what we want to encourage you with today, friends, is that God can start with you, and you as a parent can help create the life at home that you never had.

Lennon 5:04

And with this theme of resurrection and new life friends, what we wanna do today on the show is we want to talk about how God can resurrect life from maybe your experience in the home that you grew up in. I think that a lot of times with our marriages and our families, uh, we want God's best for it, but we are not starting from a point of having an example. I was talking with a couple of guys around a bonfire one night. That's when men talk best around a fire, and

Christal 5:35

each of us had come from backgrounds where husbands and dads, we were trying to create something for our families that we didn't necessarily grow up with. And so the heart of what we're gonna talk about today is this idea is that God can start with you and how to create the home life that maybe you never had. Yes, and I love how with just one changed life, one person who finds salvation in Jesus, it can actually change some, in some situations, their spouse. Or it could change the trajectory of their whole family. Yeah. And for generations at times. So I think it's amazing the power of what change happens in someone's life when they meet the Lord They don't have to have the darkness or the dysfunction necessarily that they grew up with. I think. First of all, even Christian families are not perfect and they have some dysfunction in some, some way. Yes, nothing's perfect, but it makes all the difference when you know the Lord and your spouse knows the Lord.

Lennon 6:43

I know even we've had people ask us, your marriage seems really healthy. Y'all seem to really love each other. What's different about your marriage? The answer has always been, it's the Lord. I mean, that's, it's just the Lord. And that real, that really is the answer. It's kind of the funniest thing in the world that our, that our work in ministry now revolves around marriage and family. Uh, because you grew up with a solid godly home, I didn't come from that type of background, and yet still look what the Lord has, has done for us. You know, with this idea that God can begin wherever somebody is willing to begin with him. I didn't grow up in a home where God was a big part of our life. My dad didn't grow up in a home where God was a big part of his life, um, at a stepmother. My mother and a stepfather, all of who died way earlier than they should have, all of whose lives were really shaped by addiction and impulse. And my stepfather himself very, very violent. And so I joke a lot. That the old show cops that used to come on all the time that I could have called that mama's friends, because growing up the cops were in our yard an unreasonable amount of times. Like I say, we didn't have arguments in our house. We had domestic disputes, and so for us Being in this ministry that we called home and marriage and everything now, it really is because of the goodness of God in your life and growing up in a, in a godly, wonderful home

Christal 8:18

and I had such a blessing through others as a young man to meet the Lord and to get to grow up through my teenage years, coming to know him a little more and a little more, and that really did change everything. Yeah, we really did grow up in Different environments and not just that mainly we grew up in different homes where, you, you grew up in a home of divorce. I grew up a home. My parents are still together today. And I'm super thankful for what I had And like I said, like I'm gonna say again, not perfect. There's always things that. No matter what kind of home you grow up in, you're gonna say, oh, I will do this different. Every kid has that. And I would hope that as Christian parents in a Christian family, we would want our kids to build upon what we've already laid as a foundation. We'd want them to be better than us. Yes. And continue to improve in that. My mom. Had a similar story in some ways to you where she grew up in a home of divorce and addiction and her and my aunt, they're just two years apart. They actually found the Lord on their own. They were invited to church one Sunday by some friends, and they both went and got saved that day, that Sunday, and it changed their life forever. My mom will say, their mom and dad did not. Go to church. And so they would have to walk to church themselves. And both my mom and my aunt have married Christian men. My aunt's married to a pastor. My dad loves the Lord. Just amazing man of God. And they knew they wanted that because they wanted a different family than what they grew up in, and they wanted the Lord in their homes. And I always feel very inspired about that because I just grew up in what I know, and that's always been the Lord, you know?

Lennon 10:08

Mm-hmm. That's always been there. But to think that my mom and aunt had to really choose, first of all. Being saved and having Jesus in their life changes a lot. It's gonna change all your decisions. You're just a new person. That's what the word says, your new creation. And so things are automatically gonna come out of that. But then also the kind of decisions that they really wanted to make. It really did change their families. It's very different than what they grew up in. That's crazy to think how your mom and her sister as teenagers would go to church, meet the Lord, and from there what you're saying. The ripple effects are really huge. And so I think that's the first encouragement that we really want to give everyone today, is that even if you are the first one in your family to know the Lord, God can start with you. Like you as a person can follow Jesus and become more like Him. Like you can begin to be transformed and to grow in strength and godliness.

Christal 11:09

Honey, one of one of my mentors. Says this about generational curses. He says that I think a lot of times what the body of Christ calls generational curses are really just deeply ingrained habits that are passed down. Mm-hmm. And he says, we should fight the worst parts of ourselves, tooth and nails, so that by the grace of God, like our kids and our spouse get to experience better of us than we are at our worst, or maybe that we learned growing up. Right. And if you think about this, that is so true with the habits. It's really the choices you make and the patterns that you change. Because even being completely transformed by the Lord, you still are human and you have flesh. Your flesh may want to, veer towards sin, of course, at times. And so you have to choose. This is how I'm gonna do things because it not only affects me, it affects my children, it affects their children. I guess, if we could think of it that way, the choices we make really affect the next group of people. If we're a family and we are used to yelling and fighting and calling names, our kids are gonna think that's.

Lennon 12:18

How you do things. Mm-hmm. And they will do that with their spouses. but when you're changed by the Lord and that's not how you treat each other and with love, you're gonna want to change those habits of that's how we fight. No, that's not how we fight anymore because we Yeah.

Christal 12:35

Are following Jesus. And it, it is a, it is a choice as well, I guess is what I'm trying to say. As you're talking right there, I feel like you're describing your dad, like your dad is coming to my mind as, as you say that, like how did he in your home model, uh, a way of like that way of handling conflict. Well, I never saw my dad do anything violent or forceful. If him and my mom had any kind of disagreement, they would usually, you know, maybe talk about it at home. They wouldn't really just all out fighting front of us, and I don't even think I ever heard them yelling ever, but I know that. He's always shown a lot of patience. Patience with us at times. And my dad is the kind of person that when he's really upset, he doesn't get upset a lot, but when he does get upset, you can see it in his eyes and hear the tone in his voice. And he doesn't have to do much, but it, it would destroy you. Does that make sense? Like Yes. Not in a bad way. In a good way. Like I remember he said this to me growing up. That he could just look at me a certain way and I would just burst into tears but

Lennon 13:46

yeah. I wanted someone who was gonna treat me well. It gave me a really good example to look up to. Yeah. So that's the first encouragement that God can start with you where you are. Uh, I think the second thing that can be really important, if you are trying to build a home better than what you grew up in, or maybe not say better, but stay healthier if it was, if it wasn't so great, is that you wanna develop a shared vision for your family. Because I think that if you grow up in dysfunction or hard times, you may know a lot about what you don't want. You may know less about what you do want for your family. And so this is where it becomes important for you and your spouse to be really intentional and have a dream for your home. Like, what do we want to see? How do we wanna be? Exactly. The Bible says, without vision, the people perish. And so as a married couple, ask that of yourselves and talk about it together. Who are we? What is, what are the things we really wanna see happen through our family and in our family? What kind of family do we want to be? Right? Do you remember when the kids were young? They wouldn't do this now because they're teenagers, right? But we had this thing that we would do before we would go into someone's home or maybe an event we were going to do. You remember what we would do then? Yes. We would look at them and say, okay, we're about to go in here and what are we gonna do? And so there was a, there was a three part repetition that we would do, and the kids always knew what to say. They'd say, we're gonna be easy. We're gonna be easy to deal with, we're gonna be content. We're gonna be a blessing. And so we'd say that, what are we gonna do? We're gonna be easy, be content, be a blessing.

Christal 15:30

And then one of us would say, because who are we? And then everybody in unison would say, the Nolans, we are the Nolans. And so definitely something that a teenager would, would roll their eyes and scoff at. But it was important to our little family. Yeah. When they were young, they really got into it. They loved to yell the no lens. They were very proud of being a noland, and I think those things that you repeat as a family or as parents to your kids, whether it be some scripture that you're talking about or some habit that you're trying to do and making it fun and getting it in their hearts, that repetition is really important for them as they're growing. And so having that vision for your family of like, what kind of family are we and How are we gonna treat other people? As a family, you know? Yeah. So it's good to talk about those things and have that vision and say it out loud, and there's repetition of the things that you say, and then there's also repetition of the things that you do, like the little rhythms that you build into your home.

Lennon 16:31

If you want prayer to be a priority in your home, pray with the kids before you put them. To bed at night, pray together mm-hmm. Before you go to bed at night. All of those things are tremendously important. Deciding how many times in a week will we be out at night? Mm. So that life at home can have a, have a certain rhythm and pace.

Christal 16:53

Like we as parents, uh, have more control than we think on the atmosphere of our home and the dynamics of our family. Right. I also think that when you put your relationship with God as a priority, it. Your kids are gonna see that. They're gonna know that the Lord is important to you. If you're reading your Bible and you're praying and that is a habit in your life, it really will make a difference for your kids to see that in the home, to see who you trust in and who do you go to when, when things are really difficult, do you run to the bar or do you run to Jesus?

Lennon 17:31

You know? Yeah. What do you do? And that is something I grew up with. Um, speaking of my dad again. See, and my mom seeing them some mornings in the living room with their Bibles open reading or walking into a room and they're praying together. You know, those things really made a difference in my life. Just seeing their example and that was, that was important to them.

Christal 17:55

I knew their relationship with Jesus was important to them. Yeah, and that really, I think, sets up our, our third and last point is the importance of keeping your family rooted in the family. Of God. They're both the family of God. Habits that you have in the home. But we're talking here about your engagement in a, in a local church, in a Christian community, that in your family you prioritize what's important to, to Jesus.

Lennon 18:22

I mean, one of the things that being rooted in the community of God is going to do is it's gonna expose you and your family to opportunities to serve other people to that reminds you that, whoa, this world is a lot bigger than, than what I want and what I want to do. Or how are we doing getting by? I know it was tremendously formational. I've talked with, One of our daughters and our son about the difference in their life that serving the poor and the food distribution really made,

Christal 18:52

Yeah, they need to see examples of serving a. Others, whether that be they're seeing you and in turn they join you. Maybe inviting the kids to a thing that your church is doing, uh, to serve others. Doing it together as a family, I think is really powerful and it can be really fun together. And so that's a great way to prioritize what God prioritizes. Also just saying you can't. As a Christian, live in a bubble. And have your head in the sky all the time, and it's just me and God. You know you can't live that way. Yeah. You need accountability. You need others. Just like iron sharpens iron, you need others to come alongside you, to encourage you. When it is hard, you need others to be able to point out to you, Hey, I just wanna bring this up, you know? Yeah. Who can speak into your life? So as a family, you can't live in a bubble. You need a community. You need a place that you can go. That you have real friends that can tell you things that you need to hear, but also encourage you because every family goes through storms.

Lennon 19:58

Yes, they're gonna go through hard times. And so as a family, you need that community and brothers and sisters in Christ who are in your life. So you will have that support. When you do go through a storm, you do. And we are not the only example that our kids need, even, even as parents we're their primary example. Maybe the most important example, but we're far from the only example that our kids need. And what's really good is that in church, uh, other brothers and sisters in Christ who are a little further down the road from us or maybe who have just experienced some things we haven't yet. Like there's a way that the family of God can help make up in little but significant ways for the deficiencies in any of our own families. Mm-hmm. We really do need each other. Yeah, we do. And I think it actually helps with longevity in your walk with the Lord. Because if you really just, if you really want this kind of home, if you didn't have this growing up and you're like, and I wanna teach my kids who Jesus is and how to walk with him, you just need other people in your life to do that really well.

Christal 21:01

Yeah. So I think as a closing encouragement, uh, there's sort of a theme running through here and we're talking about God can start with you, creating the home life that you never had. If you are going to have better than you grew up in, it's not gonna be because you're better than your parents. It's gonna be because in trusting in the Lord and benefiting from his people, these types of things, that by his grace you get to give things to your spouse, your kids that you didn't have, and that should be a good reminder for.

Lennon 21:35

All of us as adults, number one, not to be too hard on our parents because whatever their situation was, whatever your home life was growing up, they were doing the best they could. Yeah. With what they had experienced and all they had gone through. And the reality is that any of us today, it's the same story.

Christal 21:54

And like you said earlier, we all want our kids to do better than we have done. Mm-hmm. And even if we're doing our very best. We're gonna have some deficiencies and some shortcomings, and we're hoping that we can be the floor for our kids and that they can, they can build on the example we give them.

Lennon 22:11

That's right. And in closing today, I'd like to read a few verses from Psalm 78. It says, we will not hide them from their descendants. We will tell the next generation the praiseworthy deeds of the Lord. So the next generation would know them and they in turn would tell their children, then they would put their trust in God.

Christal 22:35

So friends, don't forget to follow or subscribe, so you never miss an episode. We drop new ones every Tuesday. If today's conversation encouraged you, would you take a minute and share this episode with someone you know? It really helps more people find the show and join our community. You can visit home and marriage.com for more resources, like our Six Habits of Happy Couples Course, and if you'd like us to come speak at your church or event, you can schedule us through the website. You can also follow along on Instagram, Facebook, or TikTok. All of the links are in the show notes.

Lennon 23:10

So thank you for joining us today on the Home and Marriage Podcast. We really do believe that home can be your favorite place. We will be back next week with more encouragement and wisdom to help you become better at home and stronger together.