Learning to Listen to God

On this episode of the Authentic Marriage Podcast, hosts Shawn and Lauren, along with Chris and Brooke, talk about the importance of listening to God and seeking His direction within marriage. As couples grow deeper in their relationship with the Lord through prayer, Scripture, and time spent in His presence, they begin to recognize His voice more clearly.

The conversation highlights how important it is for both husband and wife to seek God together when making decisions and navigating different seasons of life. The hosts share that while couples may not always hear the same thing immediately, God is not a God of confusion. In those moments, wisdom often looks like slowing down, praying together, and waiting until both spouses feel peace and unity about the direction ahead.

Shawn, Lauren, Chris, and Brooke also discuss how learning to hear God’s voice takes trust, patience, and spiritual maturity. The more we know His character, the easier it becomes to discern His leading.

This episode encourages couples to pursue God together, trust His timing, and allow His voice to guide their marriage with peace, wisdom, and unity.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_06 0:09

Welcome back to Love for a Lifetime's Authentic Marriage Podcast. I'm Chris, my wife Brooke, and there Sean Lauren. We're glad to have you back. So I don't know if we've told you guys yet, but our son he's uh graduating from university here in a couple of couple of weeks, uh, which we're excited about. We're gonna have a party, so we hope you guys uh you know we'll be there.

SPEAKER_04 0:29

You know.

SPEAKER_06 0:32

Um we just want to make sure we we kind of celebrate a little bit with him. Like he's been through a lot uh through different periods of getting through college, but he's he's done a really good job and we're quite proud of him.

SPEAKER_03 0:42

Yeah. Well, he's a smart kid. He's got a good pants.

SPEAKER_02 0:48

He's figuring things out sometimes the hard way. I gave him a little um like one of those little plaque things like a couple years ago saying, if at first you don't succeed, try doing it the way your mom told you to. Because now he's like doing things that I had suggested to him a few years ago, and he's like, I get that plotted. Yeah, well, yeah, he doesn't pay attention to that. Do you mean multiple of 18 years old? Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:16

Or what, you know, or 18 years old? I thought you said 15.

SPEAKER_06 1:18

I was like, it's been years since I can see, I can say with our our daughter, older one, she's 24, and eventually they do start coming back and realizing, oh, maybe I should have listened to you earlier. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:32

Yeah. Yeah. You really do become like your parents in a lot of ways.

SPEAKER_03 1:36

I've even thought that about my dad, where I'm like, man, he was right. 95% of the time, if I had just listened, it'd been a lot easier. How much was that? 95% of the time.

SPEAKER_01 1:44

That's a pretty big argument on a lot of credit.

SPEAKER_02 1:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:47

No, no, it wasn't marriage in this.

SPEAKER_02 1:50

That was the 5% to listen to.

SPEAKER_06 1:55

Oh, I guess. So anyway, so today, actually, this kind of leads in. Today we wanted to talk about listening for God uh or hearing for God together in your marriage. And and it's a I think it's a good topic. Um, you know, think about sometimes when you're you're looking for an answer or trying to make a decision, and and sometimes, you know, you're just you're just waiting and you you're trying to hear from God, and maybe you don't hear from God, uh, or maybe sometimes I feel like we should do one thing, and Brooke feels like we should do something different. And talking about how do we how do we turn to God and how do we resolve?

SPEAKER_02 2:30

How do you reconcile that?

SPEAKER_06 2:31

How do you reconcile that?

SPEAKER_02 2:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 2:33

How do you reconcile that? So maybe just kind of kicked off uh Lauren talking a little bit about listening. Where's the starting place when you think about listening? Where do we hear from God?

SPEAKER_01 2:42

Yeah, it was interesting. Um because some a while back I always felt like, am I hearing from God? Am I not? And I feel like God just told me in just like one instance, he was like, Lauren, you have me living inside you. You can hear me. Just open your heart and mind to walk with me daily, knowing I'm always speaking. Incline your ears to hear. And like since that point, I've actually heard more from God. I've experienced more of a relationship, uh, laughing, and you know, just having really good conversation. We'll have a full conversation, and I'll come and I'll come out of the room and I'll be like, so this is what my conversation was with God, and it's a whole conversation. And so, you know, I think we need to realize that we have him as believers dwelling in us, he's right there, and he's always trying to talk to us. And I wrote down some things that I think is important for us to understand that I I, you know, I can tell you definitely that God wants to speak to you because God is love and love communicates. So I God's love isn't um conditional in your performance, it's not in response to how lovely you are. God loves you as an extension of his character and his and his identity, the Bible tells us that God is love. And love, by definition, is always giving itself away. It's always trying to be heard and it's always trying to share that. So he's always trying to communicate with us. We just we tend to not listen because we tend to be busy and we tend to um be, you know, focusing on us, us, us or all the things, and we're not giving space to hear.

SPEAKER_06 4:34

I think that's I think that's an interesting point, right? Because, you know, we know he says, My sheep hear my voice, but how often I feel like sometimes, you know, I sit down to listening prayer, and it's my own thoughts come creeping in so quickly. Um my own thoughts just start crowding in about things I'm wanting to think we should do or things I'm planning to do, or the outcome I want. And it's just kind of interesting how quickly my thoughts, I think one of the things that I've started to do is like pick up a psalm or two and then like try to re-center myself and calm my brain is trying to focus and listen. Uh, but but I almost need something to help me get there. And I think the Psalms for me I find quite useful sometimes reading through a psalm and trying to refocus and center on him and his love when I'm trying to hear from him.

SPEAKER_01 5:25

I also find, too, that when you ask God a question, he's very quick to respond most of the time. So the first response that you get is normally his. Anything after that is either your own thinking or sometimes the enemy's thinking. Um, and I have, you know, I've I've really learned to find that he's he's not he's not like, I'm just gonna wait it out. No, he he wants to talk to you. If you ask him a question, like if I asked you a question, are you gonna wait it out for a while to respond to me? No, you're my friend. You're gonna tell, you're gonna answer me right away. God's not this mystical thing that like we don't know when he's gonna respond. No, he that that's not who he is. And you can learn who he is in the Bible. He wants a relationship, he wants to be your father, your best friend. He wants that. So, as a best friend and a father, would you respond and just wait and wait and wait if I asked you a question? No, he wants to respond by it.

SPEAKER_03 6:21

I feel like the problem with most people hearing from God is they haven't one been in the word, haven't been in prayer. Even in prayer, if they are, they're just blah, blah, blah. I need, I need, I need, I need, and it's in a desperation moment, right? A lot of times people will go to God in desperation, which is great, go to him anytime. But to really truly start to hear his voice, you've got to get into the word and read. His word is written there, and it will speak to you so differently. Each time you read something, I get a different message or I get a different feel, or you know, he speaks to me differently. And I know that in prayer with us, when she's praying, God is downloading stuff to me. Like it is the craziest thing. But I've had great experiences and and great ideas and revelations and things, but usually when we're praying together and she's in she's praying, he just starts to reveal stuff to me that's really cool. And and that hasn't always been the case. We're growing into our knowledge and our intimacy with God and and our and our understanding of his word, an understanding of who he is, and he wants you to know him.

SPEAKER_01 7:26

And I think he's Sean is right. If you aren't intentionally getting to know God, then you're not going to hear his voice clearly. You there are there are many voices trying to take our attention. Um, and if you don't know your God, you'll easily mistake your voice or someone else's voice or the enemy's voice. And I think it's important to understand too, in 2 Corinthians 11, 14, it says Satan disguises himself as an angel of light. And I just had a discussion with a friend who, you know, she put all these pieces together and she really thought this was God. And I was like, Hold on, this looks like a disguise from Satan. And I said, Does it line up to the word of God? Does it line up to the word of God? If it does, then it's from God. But if it doesn't, then it's from the enemy. And it did not line up to the word of God. And he but it disgu but Satan disguised it in such a way that she thought that it was, you know, it was God speaking, and and it wasn't. And we can quick, and then we can quickly, you know, make decisions based on this this disguised, you know, especially if it's what we want it, like if that's what we want it to be.

SPEAKER_02 8:42

I want this to be from God. This feels well. And that's kind of what the situation was. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 8:46

Well, and and a lot of times we go to God with our plan and say, God, I get behind this plan.

SPEAKER_05 8:51

Bless it.

SPEAKER_03 8:52

Bless this plan because we know what we're doing. Just I need you to bless it. Rather than saying, God, what is what do you want us to do in this? Yeah. You know, and and as a married couple, it's really important to have unified front on that and unity. God is not a God of confusion. He's not gonna give her something in me come something completely opposite. Yeah, and we've learned over the times, and and if if you have a feeling of peace about a decision, it's generally from God. Right? If you have anxiety or stress, or you know, what am I gonna do here? I have to move, I have to move now, or fear. It's not from God. Right? And so we've learned that if we both don't get it, we're not moving.

SPEAKER_05 9:31

No.

SPEAKER_03 9:32

Um, we both, and and it's really interesting how God works with us. It's really cool. We've learned it over the years. He usually gives me the idea and he gives her the timing. And in fact, you know, we were gonna build the chapel at Sandalwood, and I was like, it's gonna be where the barn is. And she was like, Nope, it's gonna be over here. And so I just said, Okay, I feel like this is where we need to build the chapel. And it was how many years later?

SPEAKER_01 9:55

A good couple years later.

SPEAKER_03 9:57

A couple years later, we had been praying about the chapel, didn't know how we were gonna get the funds. And she's driving by and she stops right at the barn and she says, We need to make this the chapel. I was like, Really?

SPEAKER_04 10:08

What a great idea.

SPEAKER_03 10:10

But we didn't have the finances, we didn't have the means, we didn't have anything to be able to do it when I got the idea. And if we would have pressed into it at that time, we might have hurt ourselves, right? And she was like, No. And so we didn't feel, but when she had the timing, it was perfect. And we've seen him do that a lot with us.

SPEAKER_01 10:28

And if I wait long enough, it's really my idea. Your idea.

SPEAKER_04 10:34

Yeah, collectively.

SPEAKER_06 10:36

Collectively, the two of you, you're so good things there. So, number one, is what you're hearing aligned to the Bible, right? Is it aligned? It is an agreement with the Bible, so that's a place you can check it. Number two, as a married couple, are you hearing the same thing? Um, what happens? What do you guys do if you're not hearing the same thing? We wait.

SPEAKER_01 10:59

We wait, wait, we we have not waited before, and we have seen how that did not work out.

SPEAKER_03 11:05

Yeah, so we were in a rush to build sandalwood because we had to get it started. We were already booking weddings a year in advance, and so we had to get it built, and we had some trouble with we had two builders we were weighing out, and I had a dream one night. God used to speak to me in dreams, and because of this, I don't think he does anymore. But I had a dream that one of these guys got really sick, and so in my mind, and when I woke up, I said, Lauren, I had this dream, it was so vivid, and the dreams were really vivid, and that guy ended up really getting sick, and but and we knew, but it didn't mean we'd select the other one, we just jumped to the other one we were looking at, and he's the one that stole $150,000 from us at the beginning of our endeavor, which really hurt us, and I think we moved into that, and and I and she didn't have a gut feel about it. She was like, I don't think this is right, I don't think we should do this. And I was like, No, we gotta move, we gotta move. And so I kind of owned that because that was on me just saying we've got to get moving on this thing. And she had the gut feeling of I don't feel good about this. So we learned the hard way on that, that that costs so much time and money and anything, anyway, that if we had waited and found the right person, it would have put us in a much better situation. So God did reveal to me that this don't use this guy, he's gonna be sick. And he really was, and he got really sick. Um sounds like you like but you read more into the other guy, right? Rather than being really confident, really asking the right questions and really seeking God. And we were, we were really just starting to understand God and to know him in the in the depths that we do now, right? We were just starting to know how he spoke to us, and and I got so frustrated and so upset at that time that I said, God, you gave me this dream and I picked this. I don't want your dreams anymore if they're gonna do this. And I got mad and I haven't had dreams since. And now I'm like, God, I'll take them back because they were pretty cool, you know.

SPEAKER_02 13:05

But uh I think one thing that is would be good to talk about a little bit is I you guys have come so far in hearing from the Lord from when we first met you, however many years ago that was now. Um, but I know there are times, even I still, you know, can be sitting in church and the pastor will be okay, okay, well, we're gonna take some time now. And what does God tell you about this? And I sit there and I'm like, do, do, do, do like I'll get nothing. And I think that I don't want people who are listening to this to get really discouraged, like, well, I don't hear from God. Um, I think lots of times what it is is we don't recognize that we're hearing from God. And I think it takes practice. It does. Yeah. But I I mean, there are still times I can sit and be quiet and be like, I really don't feel like I'm getting anything. Um, so, and that's just a process I'm going through still, is learning to recognize, learning to pay attention, learning to ask him to speak. And there are definitely times when I hear and I'm like, oh, yeah, I know that that was from him. But there are times where I feel like there's silence, and I don't know if you want to speak into that a little bit, but I think sometimes we don't give God this time and this space to talk to us. Um, but I just people could get discouraged, I think, if they're listening, like, well, we don't hear from it.

SPEAKER_01 14:20

I'll speak into that because I've had moments of that as well. Um, and I think that it's, you know, I'll I'll go into it already having a preconceived, I'm not gonna hear. And at that point, you've already heard you've already almost closed that door to hearing because you've already told yourself, I'm not gonna hear. I've never I haven't heard before. This is a normal thing, instead of being like, no, my God wants to speak to me. I'm going to hear. So I think, you know, we need to, we need to know who God is and take a different approach if we're constantly going and be like, we're not gonna hear. And I and I and I can sympathize with that because I did that for a long time, you know, and I was like, Well, I'm not gonna hear because I'm I'm it normally was like doo-doo doo. And I'll be like, Did did you? I mean, I didn't hear anything, you know. But I will say getting to know him more and realizing that he wants that connection, he wants to be able to talk to you, but you have to allow that, you know. He's also a gentleman and he's not gonna barge in and demand that he owns the room.

SPEAKER_03 15:28

But he says, seek me and you will find me. So it's the seeking, I think, because as you really dive into him and dive into his word, dive into prayer. I'm just there's times when he opens the floodgates, and and she'll even be like, You're hearing from God a lot. I'm not hearing from him right now. And like she'll get upset, like, and I'm like, just it's great. And there's times I don't hear, and she is, but I know he's speaking to both of us, and I know that what is there something I'm doing that's blocking it? Am I in a prideful moment? Am I angry? Am I frustrated with something? What am I putting my my mind into? Am I thinking about things that are above and good and holy, or am I watching Netflix, right? Or these things, or or am I so busy that I'm just not gonna hear from him? I mean, there are obstacles and blocks that will stop you from hearing from God, and a lot about it is your posture towards him, your pride, or or even even seeking forgiveness for something. You know, I just think that the closer we get to him, the easier it is. And when you hear from him, like when I hear from him now, I'm really sure that's him because it's not something that I would think. These wedding venues were from God. I never in my life would have been like, I want to own wedding venues ever in my life. But it was so crystal clear when he told me that day, and I told Lauren, I said, You're gonna think I'm crazy, but this is where he's telling me to go. And she said, he gave me the same thing. And how crazy is that? That's individual. Yeah, you know, and then that day we were like, you know, we got the goosebumps, and we we started looking for property, and we opened a company that day, you know, and just know when you hear from God, his plans aren't always immediate for you. He might be prepping you for something. It took us over three years to find the right piece of property and the right thing, and we had things taken in craziness, but when it was time, everything that he told us came to fruition. I mean, even to the point where we wrote down everything that the venue needed to have, when we found the property, it had every one of them. And we waited for three years for that, thinking we heard from Godrum, that wasn't him. You know, and I think it's interesting.

SPEAKER_06 17:49

I heard a couple of things here. You talk about blockers. Yeah, we guys talked about a few things. You talked about earlier, you talked about fear. You know, you got fear of something that may be driving you into a fast decision or over, maybe over interpretation of what you're hearing. You mentioned pride. I think uh that's probably a big one, something that you know we've we've got our idea in our head, we want that to be the idea. We try to figure out how to get that as the solution. So fear, pride, um our own busyness sometimes, not even taking the time to sit down and and listen to him. Um so I think those are all things that can impede or block. Um so I think you guys have shared some really good stuff there. Do you have maybe an example of of maybe where you guys were were praying or and working on a decision, and maybe you were heading in one direction and you got a pivot or a change in that direction? Yeah, and how that came about?

SPEAKER_03 18:47

Yeah, well, so before we got chateau, we were we had built some vineyards on Sandalwood properties. 27 acres, so it's really big. And we were figuring out how we could section off. Um, we we kind of got the feel we wanted to do a second venue. That's where we started to get the the idea and the creative juices flowing and all that. And so we thought, okay, well, we have this land, it's 27 acres, we can just build one here. We'll we'll build some vines, which Lauren and I did, it was ridiculously hard. And we had a space cleared out, and we already had architectural plans on a new venue that was gonna be within, you know, 10 acres of sandal width. We thought this was a great idea. We need these architectural plans, they were all designed. We had gone through several iterations of how we were gonna do this, you know, it was gonna be very expensive, and we both really wanted another venue, and I don't know why, because again, that's not something that I didn't want one, I don't want two, right? And but we were really called to be creative again, and it we that feeling died. Neither of us we stopped, we kept the vines, we cultivated the vines, that was fun-ish, and uh and we just stopped and we didn't do anymore with that. We just it died for a while, and then out of the blue, one of our venue directors saw Chateau and sent us a text that it was for sale, and it was way out of range, but it kind of started the the the juices fun.

SPEAKER_01 20:24

Well, you know what, I'd consider that if we could get it for this amount, and it started us down another road, and God took us down this road, and that road was actually changed the desires of our heart, completely, but that's who he is, like and he and then he gives you the desires of your heart, but he he steers it and and moves it to where he wants you to go, and um, it was so much better for us because it was it was something that I mean, honestly, it was just a gift, you know, it was just a gift because building a structure, we could have never built something like shut together. So, um, and it's just been a gift, you know, and and God did that because He He loves us and He He wanted good for us, you know.

SPEAKER_02 21:06

It's kind of like He planted that seed with you for a second venue, and you thought it was gonna look one way.

SPEAKER_03 21:11

It was our plan. Right. We we were like, this makes sense.

SPEAKER_02 21:14

Yeah, we can and then He had something so much bigger and better than you were even dreaming of.

SPEAKER_01 21:20

I had an idea of like this Tuscan, we would build from scratch, and then when we went to Sandalwood, when we visited uh which now Sandalwood, God spoke to me audibly and was like, Lauren, is this your vision or mine? And then immediately I could see what he wanted to do with it. But at first, I was like, No, this is not Tuscan. No, this is not happening.

SPEAKER_03 21:40

What's funny is I was like, This is it, this is the place. And when she came down from the balcony that day, she had tears in her eyes. She's like, This is it.

SPEAKER_01 21:49

Ah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 21:50

So then we knew that was the timing.

SPEAKER_01 21:53

I got my idea.

SPEAKER_03 21:56

But I will tell you with Chateau when I when I first came. Here it was it was heavy, it was the not the color we like, like everything was in disarray, everything was heavy here, and and I thought to myself, I don't think I can do this, it just didn't feel good, and I didn't feel a piece about it. And the more and more we explored, I was praying one day, and he showed me a vision of light pouring out on the windows of this place, almost like spotlights coming out of every window. And it hit me so hard, I was like, that's from God. And at that moment I knew, okay, this is what he has for us. And and whether there's a heaviness or not, we can we can change that. We have a big God who can change that heaviness that that was felt here, and it's gone. People come here and they just feel the presence of God. And I we've gotten to see ministries do great things here. We've gotten to do these love for a lifetime. I just see God's light shining from this place, and it's really cool. And it was from a vision, not a dream, but a vision in prayer.

SPEAKER_04 22:58

Wow.

SPEAKER_06 23:00

That's a that's a beautiful image. Thinking about the the light shining through the windows, right? Pure light shining through the windows out into the world is such a strong vision. I think um thinking about what you said, Lauren, about the you were arguing about sandalwood, and it wasn't your vision and plan. I was thinking about probably about 12 months ago. This idea of potentially retiring early had come across. And and I was I was sitting 5 30 one morning reading my reading the Bible in my prayer time, and I was thinking through, well, I you know really like to work a few more years and save a few minutes more, a little bit more money for the family for a retirement, and oh, really, they need me to work to try and accomplish this and get this or that done. And I had the same thing, I kind of heard this voice that God said, What if I need you more? And it was like it like took me back, like, oh, wait a minute, maybe he's got a different plan. Maybe there's a different path that I'm supposed to be walking down, and I need to give the space to walk down that path. And it's it's it's startling when you get that strong of a strong of a voice that you hear. It's kind of really sets you back.

SPEAKER_01 24:11

Um, I will say one more thing. I know we need to close. Um, this was something that really helped me. Um, and I would encourage other people who are like, I don't hear from God. Okay, I would, I would, I would get a notepad, and throughout the day, I would intentionally listen for God. He loves you, he wants to speak to you. So intentionally, like listen, see him move, and all the things. And at the end of the day, I would take, because there was a period where I was struggling with it. And there was a, and and I would take my pen and paper and I would then begin to write down moments where I saw God, heard him talk to me, what he said to me. And that was a very like, and now I can look back because then you when you feel discouraged, like you don't hear from God, now you can look back at your journal and be like, no, God was talking to me every day, you know. So like you almost have like a like, you know, it shows you that you have you've a record. You have a record, you have a record, you have a record. And so when you have a day where you feel like, oh, I didn't hear from God today or anything, you can go back and see that he's been faithful to talk to you. And though you might not have felt it that day or heard it that day, that he's still present. Like it never, he's always been talking to you and it encourages you, you know. And so I during that season of my life, it I and and when you intentionally try and listen, it's very in it's very neat because you actually hear way more. And so at the end of the day, it's like, oh my goodness, I had so many moments with the Lord. We laughed, we because I was intentionally trying to hear his voice. I think that's the difference in like those people who really hear, who don't hear, and those people who hear, because they intentionally know that their God wants to speak to them and they want that relationship and they're intentionally listening.

SPEAKER_02 26:03

Well, I think we find or we see what we look for. And I even think like with our spouses, if I focus on and think about things about Chris that bother me or irritate me, that's what I'm gonna see. That's what I'm gonna find. But if I'm looking for and focusing on the wonderful things about him and the things that I love, then that's you know, that's what I'm gonna find and see. And I won't even really notice the other stuff or it won't matter. And it reminds me of of similar.

SPEAKER_03 26:26

That is good. That's a good word for for people, even in their marriages.

SPEAKER_02 26:31

Yeah, what are you looking for?

SPEAKER_06 26:32

What are you looking for? What are you looking for?

SPEAKER_02 26:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 26:34

Well, I like that idea, Lauren. So everyone, you can get a notepad and start journaling. Start taking notes, write down those questions, write down what you're seeing, what you're hearing. I think that's uh that's great wisdom for folks.

SPEAKER_03 26:46

Expect to hear from him.

SPEAKER_06 26:47

And expect to hear from him, yeah. Um, what do you guys want to press out?

SPEAKER_04 26:52

Go ahead.

SPEAKER_06 26:54

Your turn.

SPEAKER_01 26:55

My turn. Yeah. All right. Lord, I thank you so much for uh this time. Lord, I thank you that you do love us and you love to speak with us and you love a relationship with us. And so, Lord, I just pray for every person that's listening, Father, that you just um that they experience your love today, Father, that they feel your love for them in this moment throughout today. And Lord, that they just they even ask, Lord, show me your love every day. Show me your love. And Lord, that they get to experience who you are, that they, that they invite you in to speak and to um uh to have that relationship, Father. And I just pray, Lord, that they seek you because your word says that seek you and and they will find you. And so, Father, I just pray that you just put in them a desire to know you more, to know who it is that loves them more than any other person on this planet. You love them. And Lord, you want uh better for us than we want for ourselves. And so, Lord, I just pray that every person listening experiences you in a new and fresh way, Father. And um, Lord, we just thank you for the gift of marriage and um for uh the um just the revelations that you want to give us, Lord. We thank you for what you are going to do in our lives in Jesus' name. Amen.

SPEAKER_06 28:31

Amen. Amen. Well, thanks, Lauren. Well, thanks everyone for joining us on Love for a Lifetimes Authentic Marriage Podcast. We really hope and pray that this podcast has blessed you, and uh, we look forward to seeing you next time.