The Heart of a Helper

On this episode of Girls Corner, Lauren and Brooke talk about what it means to be a helper in marriage according to God’s design. Looking at Genesis 2:18, they explore the Hebrew word ezer, the same word used throughout Scripture to describe God as our helper. Rather than being a lesser role, helping reflects a beautiful characteristic of God Himself and the way He cares for His people.

The conversation highlights how being a helper requires intentionality, humility, and attentiveness within marriage. Lauren and Brooke share that one of the best ways to support your spouse is by truly listening and learning where they need help most. Instead of assuming what your spouse needs, couples are encouraged to ask questions, grow in understanding one another, and pay attention to the areas that may bring stress or pressure.

The episode also emphasizes the importance of interdependence in marriage. Healthy marriages are not built on one person carrying everything alone, but on both spouses allowing themselves to give and receive support. Lauren and Brooke discuss how even small acts of service and thoughtfulness can deeply bless a spouse and strengthen connection within marriage.

This conversation encourages wives to embrace God’s design for partnership, to serve with intentional love, and to reflect Christ through everyday acts of support and care.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:08

Well, welcome back to the Authentic Marriage Podcast. I'm Brooke. I'm Lauren. And you've got the ladies again today. And today we're going to talk about what it means to be a helper in our marriage, because God calls us a helper. But before we start, I was just going to share, just Chris is retired now, you know. So he's home, of course, all the all the time. Yeah. Every day. Which I do, actually, I do. But he was fixing something on the roof the other day. And he did the first part of the fixing one day when I wasn't there. But like the water was coming down, it would come off the roof, and then it would, if if it rains, which we need it to, but it would hit our window really hard. So he was putting like these diverters up there. So he did the one one day, I wasn't home, and that was fine. He accomplished that. And then he was doing another part to it the other day when I was there. And he started. And then he stood me on the ladder. He's like, Can you, can you hand me that? And can you hand me that? And you know, these things. And I'm like, it's fine. And I know he helps him. He doesn't have to get down. But it's so opposite from me because I'm like, I can do this and I'll take care of it. And I'm not gonna ask for help. And sometimes I feel like he just asks me for lots of help when it's not necessary. At times, it's fine. But I just thought it's such a difference. But how important it is that we we do help, and we do help like willingly and happily, right? I guess I'm opposite of that. I'm constantly asking for help. And John doesn't. It's funny. I just actually noticed that when I've been at your house. I knew you do that.

SPEAKER_03 1:43

Could you grab this? Could you do this? Could you I I guess I'm a good delegator. You are a good delegator.

SPEAKER_00 1:49

I'll leave it at that. So, all right, let's get to um the scripture on this. Is Genesis, I need the glasses, Genesis 2.18, and the Lord God said, It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him. And this word helper is that Hebrew word Azer, and it um actually means if you go down to the back to the pictograms of it, it's an axe and an eyeball, and it's kind of one who sees the evil. It's somebody who sees the evil around us that we ourselves don't see. But I came across this um definition, and it says that Azure defines the wife as a strong, complementary partner who is designed to complete and support her husband. It indicates a necessary, often divinely appointed counterpart. So it's not a lesser than, it's it's an equal to, it's it's a um completion, not in that you complete me, but together though, we help one another and we are better as one than we are individually.

SPEAKER_02 2:56

I love that. And I know you know, we've we've listened to you guys teach on this subject a lot about the easer. And um, as I was doing some deep dive into it too, I just it was so cool to see how God himself, how that same word is used in multiple scriptures to describe God himself as our helper. That's very cool. Um, it's a characteristic of God that he wants us to walk in as his children, you know, he's showing us by example. Um, and he's, you know, like Psalm 33 20, our soul waits for the Lord. He is our helper, easer, and our shield. Psalm 75, you are my helper, easer, and my deliverer. Deuteronomy 33, 26, God is described as the one who rides the heavens to help the word Easer. That's so cool. Like he's saying, hey, wives, like be a helper and and let me be that example for you on on like this is a character of mine that I want you to have. Like, that's so cool.

SPEAKER_00 4:06

It's exciting, and I think I read that uh I think it's everywhere else in the Old Testament that this word is used. It is referring to God or the Holy Spirit. Wow. So the I think the only exception is when he's talking about the wife. And so how beautiful that he would parallel the wife with himself.

SPEAKER_01 4:25

What a neat thing. Yeah, I love that. Yeah, he's a he's a good good guy.

SPEAKER_02 4:29

He is. Yeah. Um, I think of some things like, you know, when when I was thinking about this topic of being a helper, um, you know, Sean and I, like I would say I have learned to be a good helper. Um, but Sean has also been a great helper, you know, like it's kind of gone both ways too. Um, but when I, you know, we have businesses together. So a lot of the times I'll feel extremely overloaded with things. And he'll set aside things, you know, to help me. And I'll do the same for him. Like the other day, we needed some stuff for taxes, and he handles a lot of the money situation, a lot of our finances. And he gets overloaded with them. And so I've tried to help him by saying, Okay, I'll take on this card. Okay, I'll take on this card. Um, and uh, it's like we had to do some taxes, and he was like, I just can't get to this. And I was like, Well, let me help you. I'm very overloaded with stuff, but I know that God is calling me to help him, to bless him. And um, and I just he lit up. He was like, Oh my goodness, that would be so great, you know. And um, it just it, you know, in a way, we talked about respect and stuff like that. A lot of this kind of goes hand in hand too. But um, and you know, other examples that I've had is, you know, the kids. So Sean loves his children very much, but Sean can get very overwhelmed because it's like, Daddy, I want to play, I want to play, I want to play, you know.

SPEAKER_03 6:06

It can be daddy boys, yeah, at some point.

SPEAKER_02 6:08

But I'm claiming them as both. Yes. Um, but anyway, so a lot of the times I'll step in when I can see he's getting a little over, you know, overworked with them or just getting, you know, easily frustrated. I'll step in and say, you know what, I'll I can I can, you know, do this for you, or um, you know, let me bathe the kids tonight or something like that. And it just really relieves him. Um, and it's been so cool to see that in our marriage. Um, and then, you know, one of the things I would say too is we do listen. It's it's very important because how do you know where your husband needs help? If you, if you, if you don't know a person, you don't know where they need help. If you don't listen, you don't know where they need help. If you don't ask, you don't know where they need help. So knowing and learning each other is so important. And I would also just say, what's really cool is God is our helper. And I have seen that in so many different ways. So he's been such a great example to me because I've gotten to really like see him as a helper, knowing that he says he's our helper, opening my eyes to really see that in different situations. We were on the plane, uh, you know, going with small kids over to the Bahamas, and they're long flights, they're, you know, with small kids, it's very difficult.

SPEAKER_04 7:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 7:30

And I am sitting with all of them, and I'm just I'm asking God, Lord, be my helper, be my be my helper with them, help them to calm down. And I just felt like the Lord was literally sitting next to me. It was the coolest thing I've ever experienced. Like I felt like He was like helping me parent, helping me do like, and helping me with the kids. It was the neatest experience. And it just made me realize like we are very slow to even ask God sometimes to like, He is ready and willing to be our helper. And sometimes he's just like waiting for us to ask him to step in and give him that ground to do that. So um, anyway, I know I just always, you know, we always bring it back to God, but I just think it's so neat and I think it's important for us to realize how how God is such a helper and for him to be an example in our life so that we know how to be a helper well. You know? Yeah, that's a really good point. So I know that, you know, we'd like to kind of dive into kind of what does that look like being a helper? You know, what are some things um that you know, ask yourself, what has God called my spouse to? Am I helping them step into that or just making their life easier? You know, um, really, I think think about that in um and I know you have some examples of some ways that that this is applied in your life.

SPEAKER_00 9:00

Yeah, well, I think one thing just on that is it's important to remember that we have such a limited view of ourselves, you know, and our but our spouses know us better than anybody and they see things in us that we don't see. I think, especially as women, we tend to be pretty critical of ourselves. And I think the enemy can speak in our ears and say negative things or tell us we can't do certain things. And our but our spouses see us differently and they can see a bigger picture. So uh they can help us to realize that as well if we let them help us and let it speak into that. Um for example, as a few years ago, I was uh very, very, very involved with women's ministry at our church, probably too much so I realized uh looking back. And I actually had lunch with a friend, and she had just like off-handedly mentioned that at one point she had taken some classes, and I thought, well, that's kind of interesting. I haven't thought about taking classes since you know I was in college, which was a few years ago. But it just really sat with me, and I thought, well, maybe I should look into this. So I did, I looked into it and I looked at um ended up looking at Liberty University and um thought, well, they offer a one-year uh certificate in biblical studies. And I thought, well, maybe. So I talked to Chris and it was gonna cost some money, not a lot, but some money. And it was gonna cost time for sure. And he was so encouraging for me to do that, and then really supportive as I was going through it, because I'm telling you, like 545, I'm like, I don't know what we're having for dinner because I've been in my studies all day long. And he was so cool. He might come home from work and actually help with dinner, or he didn't mind if I was paying. You can buy like prepared like places around here have prepared meals. You know, I had that, and he just supported me through it. And then I so I got that certificate. And it was one of the best things I ever did just for myself and for my confidence, because I didn't ever feel I very seldom felt qualified to talk on biblical things and even marriage things, and just doing that year and accomplishing it and doing it successfully, and actually getting A's in classes when it was all these years after having gone to college, was one of the best things ever. And had he not encouraged and supported me and in that regard, helping me, I wouldn't have done that and I would have missed out on so much, and then it's opened up all these other avenues and doors for us to do different kinds of teaching, and now I have confidence to do those things, and it's not even really what I learned, it's more that process and that gaining of confidence in that. And he just was such a he was a helper to me in that by encouraging me. That's awesome. So yeah. Um, and I think there there are times in our lives um where it's good for us to be to be independent in some ways. You know, we lived overseas for nine years. I had to be independent uh because we're moving and Chris is working and all the things, but I've also we've learned the hard way how important it is to be interdependent. Yeah. Because I I gave Chris a message for a lot of years of I don't really need you. I've got this, I can handle it. And I remember there were a few times he had said to me, Sometimes I just feel like all I am is a paycheck to you.

SPEAKER_01 12:10

Oh wow.

SPEAKER_00 12:11

Which you know hurt to the core. Yeah, but I can see why he felt that way because I wasn't needing him. And it's so important that they be needed and they help us, but we let them help us too.

SPEAKER_02 12:26

So no, that's really good.

SPEAKER_00 12:28

I like that. That's stank, but but it's a good realization, you know. I'm working on that.

SPEAKER_02 12:40

So, in ways to increase in being a helper, what what are some ways that we can increase in that? I think, you know, one probably being that we learn more about our spouse, right? Being a student of our spouse is important, I think.

SPEAKER_00 12:56

I think it is. I think it's also important to ask, though, and not always assume. Um, again, with Chris being retired and being home all the time, and he'll see me doing things and he'll just start to air quote help. And sometimes I just don't want, I don't need that help or don't want that help for that particular thing. So I've since said to him, I said, look, look, if you'll trust me to ask for help when I want it, that would be great. And I promise I'll do that, but there's some things I just want to do.

SPEAKER_02 13:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 13:28

Um, but I think asking and not assuming we know what help looks like, because as women, men and women, we are wired differently.

SPEAKER_02 13:36

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 13:36

So what I think might be helping, he might see as as something else.

SPEAKER_02 13:41

Yeah. No, I think that's good. You know, I think um being aware too of like watching what stresses that person out.

SPEAKER_01 13:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 13:51

Right. Um normally, you know, when I when I talk about the kids, you know, it's like I started realizing that that was a stress point. Like if it if he had been doing something all day and then the kids and it was just like, and for peace in our home, I knew like I I needed to step in and help in that situation. And it was so appreciative. But like watching kind of where are there areas that are stressing your spouse out that you could really step in and help. Um, I think is important. And you know, learning what what fills them up, you know, how how helping them maybe in this situation might help the fill them up, you know. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:31

Um, and that just benefits our marriages all around because when they feel less stressed, there's less stress in the house, and it just create helps to create more peace. Yeah. And unity in the marriage, really.

SPEAKER_02 14:42

Yeah, and I think you're right though, asking is important too, because like you may not, they may not need help in that area, right? You didn't need help in your area, right? But they may not need it, and and they might actually feel like, no, this is something that I want to do as a man, you know, which kind of is that respect, right? And they don't want their respect being taken, you know. So um that that's where again communication is very important, yeah. Getting to know who it is that you are married to. Yeah, you know, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:18

Early in our marriage, um, I remember really doing things for Chris because that's what I my parents ended up divorcing after 25 years, and I didn't see healthy marriage modeled a lot. But what I knew, and if you think of yourself as a little girl, what do you do? You play house. So you you make the food, you do the laundry, like all the those kind of things. And that's what I was doing for Chris. And at one point, he we were in probably a heated discussion. He's like Intense fellowship. Intense fellowship, yeah. And he said, Um, you know, you're acting more like my mom than my spouse. And it's like, ouch. That's I thought I was doing what I'm supposed to be doing as a wife, and really I wasn't doing those things. I was doing, I wasn't doing what he needed, I was doing other things. So having those conversations, what would be helpful? What would make you feel loved or respected by me? You know, asking that, and you might not always get it right. You might have to ask a bunch of times. Yeah. Does this work? You know, so keep that communication going.

SPEAKER_02 16:20

Yeah. So I think, you know, um filling in the gaps without keeping the score. And we kind of talked about that, the tit for tat thing, right? Um seeing what's lacking and maybe stepping in, you know, um not being uh having to be asked is kind of you know, the and not waiting to be asked, and not keeping a mental score scoreboard, yeah, you know. Um and then and I think this is where a marriage will either thrive or break down, you know, really. And um and and again, it just comes down to like we are to be a blessing to our spouse. And and that that word blessing encompasses all of these things we're talking about, helping, respecting, loving, all of those things bless our spouse, you know, um in ways that only we can do. Exactly. Um, and then an you know, another way is speaking life. Uh, you know, you can you can be right and still be damaging, you know, like so um we want to speak life, not just truth. You know, people will say all the time, well, I'm just being honest. Well, you you can be truthful, but how you say that matters, right? Yes, and how and how you speak about it matters. Um, we want to encourage more than correct. Build them up, like we talked about earlier in the other podcast about respect, is building them up publicly.

SPEAKER_00 17:57

Um there's this thing that says, um run any before you say anything, run it through this whatever word I should use, but is it true? Is it kind and is it necessary? And if it's not all three, don't say it. Because it could be something very kind and and what you think is necessary, but if it's not true, yeah, you don't say it. Or if it's true, but it's necessary, but it's not kind or helpful, don't say it. Yeah. And I think that's a really good filter. Think before we speak, yeah, and then run it through that filter.

SPEAKER_02 18:31

Most people don't run it through that filter. We tend to just very yeah, we just let it roll, right? And that's very can be very damaging. Yeah. Um, I I also think that helping emotionally, not just um logistically, is important too, because we all have moments that we need emotional support. Absolutely, right? Um, and part of that too is prayer support. Like being your husband's helper, the biggest thing that you can be as a helper is their their prayer warrior. Right. Um, like you said earlier, easier is seeing the enemy, being able to have discernment, being able to battle for your husband. Um, you know, I we're Sean and I are doing a three-day fast right now, and we always tend to have podcasts on the three-day fasting. Why do you time it that way? It's a god, I don't know. It's totally uh weird God thing. But uh, and you know, he was really struggling with like just the desire, you know, he was having fatigue and headaches, you know, because that can come with fasting. And I just what I was going to battle for him, you know, because he has the spirit of the living God in him, you know, and that can give him all that he needs in this. And so I just started, you know, the enemy wants to tear you down when you're fasting. He wants to come against you because fasting is so powerful. There's so many incredible things that happen with fasting. And the Lord wants us to do that, you know, regularly. But um, and I just I want to battle for him, you know, and that is one of the biggest things that you can do as a helper is battle for your husband and and pray for your husband and bless your husband and speak life over your husband. These are ways that that is, you know, we talk about being a helper in ways of like, oh yeah, I'll clean the toilet or I'll help with the kids. But realistically, the biggest way you can be a helper is when it comes to the spiritual realm of things. Because that's where our battle is, that's where real life is anyway, right? Um, so anyway, I think I think we really need to to look to see what are the ways that I can pray for my husband? What is he struggling with? You know, and that's where you can ask him, what how can I be praying for you? You know, where are areas that you need me to battle for you? Um speak scripture over them. You know, sometimes I'll just speak scripture and and anoint Sean's pillow, you know? Um you are that for him. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 21:16

So there were times when Chris was leaving for work and hated a season where it was really difficult and just going was difficult, and and there were days he would know he was going into meetings that were going to be difficult, and and he would sometimes even just ask me, Will you just like pray for me? So before he'd walk out the door, I would just hug him and and pray over him and pray for him, and that would help him to face that day, you know, help him put on that that armor, that armor of God, put on the word and and go out. And that's awesome. Um, so we can do it behind the scenes, yes, but we can also just pray over them that they actually hear us.

SPEAKER_02 21:51

So yeah, I think that's very important. So I would just encourage our listeners to um really, you know. Know have have a conversation with your husband. How can I be your helper? Not just in the physical aspect, but spiritually, what can I be um battling for you? Yeah. Um, it's it's it's powerful.

SPEAKER_00 22:12

And also just being aware that it's not um controlling them, it's not trying to fix everything, it's not um losing your identity by helping them or and it's not enabling unhealthy behavior either. Very true, and um, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 22:32

We could go into a whole topic on that.

SPEAKER_00 22:34

We could, and we won't we'll wrap this up, but um yeah.

SPEAKER_02 22:40

All right, well, do you want to pray us out? I sure do.

SPEAKER_00 22:43

Okay, thank you. Oh, God, thank you so much for who you are. Lord, thank you that you are our helper. And then as wives, you've called us to be helpers for our husband. What a privilege. That's something only we can do for our husbands. But we don't do it alone because you've told us to do that, you've called us helper, and if we will just turn to you, you will guide us and help us to be all that our husband needs us to be in that regard. So, God, if anybody's listening who is feeling like they just don't even want to be a helper, I pray that you soften her heart and that she really seeks you and what you say about this and how you feel about this. And I just pray for blessings on all of the marriages that are represented to people listening and or watching this. Lord, just let your presence become greater and greater in the marriages, God, and bring blessing. Father, thank you that you are constantly available for us and that you love us beyond our comprehension and help us to love our spouses the way you've called us to. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen. All right, well, thank you. Yeah, thank you, Lauren, for chatting with me today. And thank you guys for listening. I'm Brooke. That's Lauren. And this is the Authentic Marriage Podcast. Thanks.