The Weight Men Carry

On this episode of Guys Garage, Chris and Shawn have an honest conversation about the pressures men face in today's world. From providing for their families and leading spiritually to protecting those they love, men often carry significant responsibility and accountability. While these roles are important, the weight of them can sometimes feel overwhelming.

The discussion explores how many men are expected to lead without ever being shown how. For some, there was no father or godly mentor to model biblical leadership, leaving them to navigate marriage, fatherhood, and responsibility through trial and error. Chris and Shawn encourage men to recognize that leadership is a skill that can be learned through God's Word, discipleship, and a willingness to grow.

The hosts also talk about the lasting impact fathers have on their children. A father's example helps shape a daughter's perception of men and influences how sons learn to navigate their own emotions and relationships. Rather than teaching boys to suppress their feelings, Chris and Shawn encourage fathers to help their sons process emotions in healthy, God-honoring ways.

Throughout the episode, they address a common challenge many men face: what to do with pressure. Too often, stress and responsibility can lead to anger, withdrawal, or isolation. Instead of carrying burdens alone, men are encouraged to seek God's guidance, ask for help when needed, and lean into biblical community.

This episode reminds men that true strength is not found in carrying everything on their own, but in surrendering their burdens to the Lord and allowing Him to provide the wisdom, peace, and strength needed to lead well.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:08

Welcome back to Love for a Lifetime's Authentic Uh Marriage Podcast. I'm Chris. This is Sean with me, and today uh you just get the two of us. Uh so the guys are gonna be talking today. So, hey, we're kicking off into June, and uh June is a kickoff of uh playoff season. You got playoffs and hockey, playoffs and basketball, you got baseball swinging into high gear. Uh any of those your favorites, Sean?

SPEAKER_00 0:31

Uh I'd say not anymore. Not anymore. No, I I I lived a majority of my life in sports and and doing sports and being overly sensitive and hyped to sports. And so I think we recognized early on in our marriage that that probably wasn't gonna be the best for us. So Laura's not that into sports. And she's not, and I don't pay attention to most of it anymore. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 0:54

For me, I still I have to say that still when the playoffs hit, you know, I get a little bit engaged in the playoffs and the playoffs hit. It depends, and it depends a lot for me on the teams. Like, so so for right now, you know, basketball, like, okay, we're in Texas, San Antonio's in the finals. I'll probably watch a little basketball. Uh hockey. Uh, I grew up on the north northeast, so you know. I was gonna say when you mentioned hockey, I was like, whoa, we're one way up north here.

SPEAKER_00 1:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:20

Nobody from up north is in the playoffs, though. It's uh it's uh it's Carolina and Las Vegas.

SPEAKER_00 1:25

That's interesting.

SPEAKER_01 1:26

But my daughter's in Carolina, got a brother in Carolina, so I'll probably watch some. So you have some vested interests. Yeah, I got some vested interests, and that's that's kind of typically what I do. I kind of follow a team late in the season, see if I can find a link.

SPEAKER_00 1:36

Yeah, I noticed uh my emotional state was linked to the team that I was following a lot. And I like wear that. And I think a lot of guys wear that, and it's so silly to me now, having done it for so many years, that now I just feel like I have a kind of a relief. I don't have to worry about that.

SPEAKER_01 1:53

Yeah, that's probably that's probably a good relief to have. Because I think you're right, though. A lot of people carry that as an extra weight, um, which actually kind of carries us right into our discussion today is about the weight that men carry. You know, a lot of husbands are carrying a lot of weight than than people realize. Um we often smile, we go to work, we get our tasks done, we're trying to provide for our families, lead our families, fix problems, keep moving. But underneath, we're really kind of can be overwhelmed, exhausted, frustrated, and quite struggling. So I think the challenge is for a lot of men, a lot of husbands, is that um most of us hide this, right? Um, because of for whatever reason, that's kind of often what we're taught. We're taught maybe not to show those um emotions or the struggles, or we're taught not to show any weakness. Yeah. Uh so I think it's a big challenge, is that the husbands often carry a lot of weight, uh, but they often try to hide it.

SPEAKER_00 2:45

They do. And I think an acceptable form becomes aggression for men to some degree, right? That's the only real we were talking about sports, but it's only real outlet that some of us were taught that it's okay for a man, right? To to do those things in sports and do that. But the vulnerability and the discussions and the bringing that out in the open is rare, yeah, I think these days.

SPEAKER_01 3:09

Yeah. So that that physical response, you know, which uh boys often learn learned young, you know, get it out in in the gym, work it out, play a sport, play a game. Sometimes we can get a relief there, but sometimes we don't get it from talking to our wives. Right. And that's kind of what we want to talk about a little bit today. But first, let's let's talk about, you know, definitely men and husbands, we carry pressures.

SPEAKER_00 3:31

Yeah, what pressures do we carry? So one of the first ones.

SPEAKER_01 3:34

One of the first ones that always comes to mind for me is is providing for our families, right? I know I always felt a significant financial responsibility burden. You could say at times, you know, I can, you know, I need to provide, I need to earn money, need to work and take care of my family. And and even after you cover you know, those basic needs, then you start getting into, oh, I want to provide even more for my family. What more can I do? And and I think I think that drives a big one is providing. Yeah. Uh, you know, a lot of fear of failure, not being able to provide can tie into that, um, or worrying that you're you're not good enough. So I think providing is is one of the first big weights that we carry.

SPEAKER_02 4:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 4:12

Uh particularly, you know, when when you know it's at one level when it's just you and your wife, and then when you have children, it almost steps up to another level. Uh that's challenging for us.

SPEAKER_00 4:21

Yeah, and you mentioned uh a really good point was not feeling um good enough. Yeah. And I think that that's a big weight, a really big weight we carry. I know I grew up having to be the best, needing to be the best, very competitive. And even not being the best coming in second felt not good enough. And we wear that a lot. And and we can hear something, a comment somebody makes that um even our wives can make a comment, and somehow it subconsciously tells us we're not good enough. And, you know, I know that that's been something that Lauren and I have struggled with, where we've had to overly communicate. Are you telling me that I don't do enough or that I don't work enough or that I'm not doing these? And she'll say, No, that's not what I meant. But that's instantly how I took it.

SPEAKER_01 5:06

I think that ties so quickly right into Ephesians 5, 33. Uh, wives respect your husbands, right? And it's interesting, right? Sean uh Brooke and and and Lauren talked about that a few podcasts ago, and it was really fun listening to them struggle with it and trying to understand why it is so important to us that we were respected. Yeah. And I think that example that you just gave is just a good one, right?

SPEAKER_00 5:28

And it's funny because men understand it just inherently. We understand that respect between one another very well. Um, and that's where the difference between the men and women come in. I know they just they discuss the difficulty in understanding it.

SPEAKER_01 5:42

Yeah, so I thought that was good. So so pressures, so first is providing. Uh, next, I think we talked about earlier about leading. I think you talked about leading your family.

SPEAKER_00 5:51

Yeah, and so you know, we like to talk about leadership. Chris and I did a podcast earlier about leadership and and how men are supposed to lead spiritually. But, you know, even the godly man feels very responsible for the direction of the family. Um, so if you're walking in this from a biblical godly perspective, there's still pressure on us. We bear a lot of responsibility for those things. Um, spiritual leadership. Then it comes down to protection, um, decision making. I know in our in our relationship, Lauren struggles with making decisions. So we can't go somewhere like Baskin Robbins that has 31 flavors. We will be there all day, you know? And so I think for me, I the decision making tends to fall on me, which also means the blame if it goes wrong, right? And so that's a hard line to walk there.

SPEAKER_02 6:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 6:41

Um we've talked about that before too, right? With leadership comes responsibility, and you got to carry that weight, and that's kind of tied into that one. Yeah. Providing leadership and with that responsibility.

SPEAKER_00 6:52

Yeah, it's not just my way or the highway. There's responsibility and accountability that comes along with those things. And so that's a pressure. Um, another one in leadership is always feeling like you have to be the strong one, right? Always feeling like I have to be tough, I have to deal with these struggles either myself or for the family. And I think that's a really hard one for a lot of men. I know that's that one's been hard for me. Um sometimes, man, we're just not in that strength position. And we're not allowing our wives to step in and help. I know they talked about being a helper. And a lot of times we don't ask for help and we just bear all of this weight on our shoulders.

SPEAKER_01 7:33

Yeah, don't want to show that vulnerability or that weakness, right? Young age, you know, taught to be strong.

SPEAKER_00 7:39

Well, and and I think a good point is a lot of men are trying to lead, but we've never really been taught how to lead. So maybe we had bad role models or imperfect role models. You know, we as growing up, you think your parents are perfect, and then you start to realize no, they they were human and made mistakes as well. And I know that in my first with my first son, Hunter, I didn't lead him very well godly. Um, I led in strength and in maybe anger and frustration more than anything. And we'll talk about that, you know. That kind of brings us to that. How do we as men raise our sons um to become godly men, not angry men? Like how do we, how do we show this or how do we model and example this to our kids? Because we do have a fear of failing, not being good enough as fathers, as well as husbands, as well as employees, as well as all these things, right? We have to be good enough at all these little facets of life. And raising our sons, you know, the the world tells us a lot of different things. You know, I was ingrained with be tough, like don't start a fight. But if you get in one, you hit back twice as hard, right? How do I, how do I take that that I was taught and turn that back into what does God say about these things? And so, you know, being steeped in the word, being steeped in the Bible and bringing everything back to our sons is, I think, really important, trying not to repeat those unhealthy cycles. Um there, I have an example of my son that was, it's hard for me to share it because it was such an eye-opening experience. But I probably didn't cry for 30 years, right? I wore toughness, and I instilled that in my son. You get hurt, you don't cry. You have an emotional problem, you don't cry. We work it out, you know, and those kind of things. And I remember, gosh, he was probably 23 or 24, and I had really been following the Lord and the Spirit had overtaken me, and I was weeping in church, and I was just 30 years floodgates came off, and the spirit had hit me. And I remember having a discussion with my son, and he was starting to cry, and he was like frustrated that he was starting to cry. I was like, Man, let it out. He goes, What? You've told me for all these years that I'm not supposed to cry. I said, Yeah, man, sorry I was wrong about that. Um, and it was a big eye-opening experience on how much I had stifled um his sensitivity and his emotions. And so that was very difficult for me. So now with now I've got a five-year-old and a three-year-old, and so I'm doing it very, very different.

SPEAKER_01 10:10

Um I think about that. It takes a lot of humility though to come back and say, you look, look, son, maybe I was wrong in that, you know? Yeah. It's what I believed at the time. Maybe I had the best intentions, but it's all I knew. It's all you knew. I think we're uh uh you know, we're a work in progress. I think you talked about sons. Um I have a son, so I can relate to those pieces, but then I also have a daughter. And and raising daughters is really interesting because I I don't, you know, you know, at first, you know, the the generic things, providing, protecting, watching over them, you you know all those very quickly. Uh, but with raising daughters, I don't think I realized some of the important things probably until she was five, six, seven years old, that the impact as a father you have on shaping your daughter's perception of men, of uh shaping her expectations around a future husband. Yeah, that's a heavy weight. It's a heavy weight, and I have to admit, I don't think I realized it until she was, you know, like I said, five, six, seven years old. Um, her sense of ability in herself, her confidence in herself, uh, heavily influenced. And then, like you said, this this I said, this idea of what her perception is of what a marriage looks like. The interaction that she observes between Brooke and I becomes so important. Right. Uh so uh raising raising sons is important, but raising daughters has some of the same elements, but then it's got this whole other piece where you've got to, you've got to show what is a what does a godly man look like, right? What does a respectful man look like and how he deals with women, um, and how he how he treats his wife, um how he shows affection. So uh raising daughters is an interesting one that that really begins to challenge you um and challenges you continues to challenge you as they grow into young women.

SPEAKER_00 11:57

Well, your daughter's about to get married now, so you are uh you have and and actually we've gotten to meet her fiance, and he he does know the Lord. And I feel like they're walking together in that. So that I feel like they're equally yoked, which is a really good thing.

SPEAKER_01 12:13

Oh, yeah, I think that's been the biggest relief for Brooke and I um is to see that, to see her find a young man who who is walking with the Lord, and they that's that's a common goal and objective they're gonna have.

SPEAKER_02 12:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 12:25

Uh so but yeah, raising daughters is is uh is a challenging one. So we've got all these pressures, you know. Men, husbands have all these pressures, providing for, leading, uh raising children, sons and daughters, little different nuances to both of them. Um so we've got all this pressure. Um the challenge is what do we do with it, right? The challenge is a lot of men don't handle it well. Uh we tend to either we tend to either numb it or run for it.

SPEAKER_00 12:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 12:50

Um, I think for me, you know, parts of our marriage, definitely the middle parts of our marriage, um, you know, I kind of ran from it or hid from it, but it was with work, right? I could work long hours and I could focus on just the providing piece and think, oh, if I'm gonna provide, that's what I'm gonna do. I'm just gonna provide, I'm gonna work really hard, long hours, be successful, and that's enough. Um but by just providing, there were pieces of the marriage I was I was missing, right? I wasn't providing connection, vulnerability, intimacy. I wasn't providing enough of that raising children element because I was away. Yeah. So so that was for me one of the ways I think in our marriage, I probably ran away from it at times, uh, was just focusing on the workpiece.

SPEAKER_00 13:34

Yeah, you know, Lauren and I are lucky, I I struggled with that in my first marriage, and it was always about my agenda, what I was gonna do, how I was gonna succeed, how I was gonna do that. And I I I look back now and I realize it wasn't a we, it was a me. With Lauren and I, you know, we've been very fortunate to do business together. Um, and that has enabled us to um for that not to be my escape. Yeah, because we're always together doing that. And I think work becomes an escape at times, right? It does. Um, you want to succeed and you want to do those things, and sometimes we justify it. Well, I'm just doing this for the family. I'm just doing this for the family, right? But in inherent, or you know, realistically, you you're driven and you're motivated and your stuff kind of some somewhat selfish.

SPEAKER_01 14:19

Oh, yeah, the success feeds your own selfishness. Definitely.

SPEAKER_00 14:22

Well, I know uh we talked about a little bit earlier, but you know, sports hobbies are big escapes for men. Yeah, right. You'll have guys that go golfing on the weekends or you know, maybe even both days on the weekend, five or six hours out on the course. I I played baseball up until probably my late 30s, early 40s, where you know, you're gone for three, four, five hours doing those things on a weekend. Um, addictions to sports, having to see every football game. You know, and and football starts really early in the morning, and you know, college football goes all the way until evening when you watch Hawaii play or any of those other places, you know, it changes. And I found myself doing that like all day Saturday. It was a football day. You know, that's why now I just I almost can't stomach it anymore because I look back at how selfish I was at those times. Um men will run to pornography because they're not feeling that connection or that intimacy at home. Sometimes our our wearing this stress or wearing these things will push us away from intimacy with our with our spouses because we haven't been vulnerable. We don't have that intimate connection anymore. Um so you know, guys will run to pornography.

SPEAKER_01 15:30

Um I think another thing, you know, dealing with this this pressure and the weight is for me, I think also that you kind of deny your feelings and you try and push things down. Um, and I think the challenge for me, you know, parts of my marriage, you deny those feelings, you push things down, you say, No, I'm okay. But eventually it all kind of boils over and you get these spells of anger, right? Which you just burst out and you're and you're just boiling over and frustrated. So, you know, I think that's another one is we tend to deny our feelings. Yeah. Uh but that eventually leads to often eventually leads to an outburst of sound.

SPEAKER_00 16:02

Yeah, I I think you're right. I think a majority of men probably deal with some anger of, like you said, it just boils over. And it's all these different pressures coming together at one time where we've we've hit our limit and our max and we're overloaded, and it comes out in anger rather than in desiring help, yeah, you know, from our from our spouse. A lot of guys will stay busy or or move into isolation. Isolation is much easier to deal with the fear of failure. It's easier to deal with the anger, it's easier to deal with those things. We say it's easier, inherently it's super dangerous for us, right? We isolate ourselves from our children, our spouses, our coworkers, and things like that because we don't know how to cope and deal with all of these pressures.

SPEAKER_01 16:44

Yeah, definitely isolation is not a good thing. I think we've talked about that probably numerous times. We'll talk about it again, right? Yeah. It's one of the tools of the enemy tries to isolate us and think that we're trapped and we're all alone. So that's definitely a dangerous one. And I think what all this leads to is that, you know, men, you know, we try to deny these things, we try to run them from them, or hump, or numb them. And basically we want to look like from the outside, we look like we're good. We look like we can handle it. And we'll say, I'm good. I'm good, I'm good. But the reality is often you can be, you know, falling apart inside or just ready to collapse inside. Uh, and you've got to turn to somewhere. And I think what's interesting if you think about this, um uh if you think about Adam, the first man, right? Genesis 1 and 2, Adam is walking with the Lord in the garden. Right? So first man, Adam is walking with the Lord. And part of the consequences of of sin there was that we're we're thrown out of the garden and we're lost, we lose that intimate relationship with God. So I think that's one thing that we got to look at is that's an important relationship that we need to turn to in our lives as men, as husbands, um, that can support us when we are feeling that way.

SPEAKER_00 17:58

Yeah, and I think you know, the the Adam sinning and and basically meaning that we're all born now in a sin nature, uh, that Christ came to give us back that intimacy and that relationship with God. And now we have that again and we don't necessarily take advantage of it. As a guy, what do we want to do when there's a problem? We want to fix it. We want to fix it, right? The the first place I go to is what can I do to solve this problem? How can I fix this? But the reality is, is we need to be going to the Lord. Adam was going to the to God, right? Oh, how do I handle this garden? What do I do here with these animals? What you know, and God was willingly talking to him is is kind of how I envision and picture this, guiding him and leading him. Um, we should still be allowing God to guide and lead us. And I think um he never meant for us to carry our life independent of him, yeah, ever. And so it is not a habit and is not something that I see men do normally, but going to God first when there's an issue, when there's a problem, praying, getting in the word, seeking him.

SPEAKER_01 19:04

Yeah, yeah, I think so. I think um think about uh John 15, 5. Um, I am the vine and you are the branches. This is Jesus talking to his disciples. I am the vine and you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit. Apart from me, you can do nothing, right? So that idea of reminding them that as Jesus comes into the world and and he dies for our sins, he's restoring that relationship, right? Right, he's restoring that nurturing that comes from um that comes from the vine. So I think that's a that's a verse that I think about that's a very good one. Um and he's saying, Stay with me.

SPEAKER_00 19:40

Yeah, let me be with you. Yeah, you know, yeah, because apart from that, you're not gonna make it.

SPEAKER_01 19:47

You can you can bear no fruit without him, right? Um another one I like is Psalm 46.1. God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble, right? So run to him, that refuge and strength. He's very present, it's very active. Yeah, um, so that's another one I like to think about here uh when it comes to you know, when I'm carrying weight, where do I go?

SPEAKER_00 20:10

Who do I seek for help? Yeah, and that reminds me, you know, he said, in this world there will be trouble. So it doesn't matter your financial status, it doesn't matter any of those things, there will be trouble. But take heart, I have overcome the world. And that is, you know, kind of leads into that one, you know, where he says, Don't worry, I've overcome this, you know, but lean into me. Yeah, lean into me, let me help you and walk you through this. I'm here for you. I gave you my spirit so that uh you can walk through this life, you know, and not do it independently and alone. You know, one of the big ones for me was Matthew 11, 28. One of my favorite verses is come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. How many men do you know feel rested? Very few. Very few. Um he says, Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. You know, a lot of times I think men almost feel like they're operating in chaos. A lot of a lot of the struggles that I have with frustrations are because I feel everything's chaotic and not in order. And when it's chaotic and not in order, I realize I'm not close to God because God is not a God of chaos. He's a God of order. The closer and the more I lean into him, the more the order falls over my life. Um and I and I found that to be true. And when he says, take my yoke, you know, when oxen were paired up, they would usually train the smaller one with a big ox who would carry most of that weight and teach the other one how to do the things that it was intended to do. So Jesus is saying, Hey, my yoke is light, you won't even barely feel it. You know, I'm taking the brunt of everything. I'm taking this and learn from me, you know, how to navigate this world.

SPEAKER_02 21:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 21:51

I think that's a that's a great image, thinking about the the yoke and the oxen, right? The the bigger one carrying the higher, heavier load for us. Um I think you kind of mentioned some practical things there. I know for me it's it's reading the Bible early morning and kind of centering myself early in the morning, reading his word. Um, I think uh you mentioned prayer. So I think those are some practical things that help us, you know, to turn to him, to bring that weight to him when we need to. So I think the second place, after God, I think the second place, uh also thinking back to Genesis, uh, is our wives, right? In Genesis 2.18, you know, the Lord said, It's not good that man should be alone. I will make him a helper uh fit for him, right? So this is just so important that the wives wives that we have in our lives, right? I think the challenge is that often we think we're trying to protect their wives by hiding our weaknesses or hiding our fears or our vulnerabilities, right? We're maybe good intentions, we think we're trying to protect them, but it actually is causing separation in our marriage.

SPEAKER_00 22:50

We're trying not to overburden them. They've got their own stresses and their own things. And I think most men think, well, I'm not gonna give her this. This is she doesn't need to worry about this.

SPEAKER_01 22:58

Yeah. And I think I think that's what we miss, this idea we've talked about in the past. This word helper in the Old Testament, this word easer is so important, right? Because it's not a it's not a it's not a servant, it's not a term of weakness, it's actually a term of strength, right? It's a term that's also used when they refer to the Lord. It's a term they use when they talk about military allies, this term easer for helper. And I think the the idea we've talked about in the past is um this idea that it's the person who has your back, it's the person who sees the enemy come and can protect you. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 23:32

And I've made mention of that probably on a previous podcast where I was just inundating myself with the news and I was frustrated. And she saw that where I didn't see it. It just had become a habit, and she saw it. She pointed it out. Um, she felt safe enough to do that, which is good. Um, and it took me a little bit, but I processed it and I I haven't listened to I've rare, very rarely listened to the news now, and I've become a different person. So I think she saw that I was being attacked through that. Um, you know, when you hear the news a lot of time, you see a lot of injustice. And I I feel like I carry a huge justice bone, right? Like everything needs to be just and just right. And I get frustrated when it's not. And so having taken that out of my mind and focusing just on what the Lord says has changed for the better, I think, for you know, those kind of things. Had I not had her to point that out to me, I don't, I think I would still be just ultra frustrated, you know, by all of those things.

SPEAKER_01 24:26

That's a that's a great example that she's seeing that, right? She's seeing that effect on you. Uh, and then you being able to listen to her and say, wait a minute, maybe, yeah, she's seeing something in my blind spot, and maybe I need to do something about it. I think that's a great example.

SPEAKER_00 24:41

And I and I think, you know, we we probably have lots of examples of those. That's just a more recent one that I've seen a really profound impact, you know.

SPEAKER_01 24:49

Yeah, I think because we can see it, right? Brooke and I can see a difference in you that you're not so frustrated. So I think it's a I think it's a good example. I I think that the challenge here is that, you know, um that we don't let them in because we're scared. We talked about earlier, we're scared we don't want to show vulnerability, we don't want to show weakness, and that's a shift we have to make in our marriages, right? To realize, look, you know, she's here to help us. She's here to uh that is her purpose.

SPEAKER_00 25:16

Yeah. That is a God-given purpose that we're really denying her to be able to use.

SPEAKER_01 25:22

Yeah, and if we're not telling her about our concerns and our fears, there's there's no way she can help us in those areas, right? If she's not hearing from us what our fears are, what our concerns are, you know, then she can't help us. Right. And I think that's the thing that we have to open up to and be vulnerable. It's one of the places in our lives that we as men have to be learned to be more vulnerable, is with our wives.

SPEAKER_00 25:43

Yeah. And so what happens to wives when we're not vulnerable with them, what happens to our relationships is these emotional walls get built up where they may not feel safe enough to come to us and talk about things because they get shut out. So they feel very shut out, they feel very uh emotionally unattached to us. Um and then that that ultimately will hurt the intimacy of the marriage. There's no deep connection anymore. Um and those are those end up becoming that slow drift of separation, right? You men tend to isolate. Um, women feel lonely or or um almost abandoned within their own marriage because they don't have that partner to share the depths of things that they need to share, that they need to talk about. And that's how women feel loved is through that communication and through that vulnerability. And we don't recognize that as men very often. We think we're being tough.

SPEAKER_01 26:38

Yeah, I can I can say a quick example for us would be when when our daughter was sick and in her teens, and I just thought I had to fix it, right? I thought, okay, my job is the the husband to fix this. You know, she's uh daughter had an eating eating disorder, and I thought, oh, I need to fix this. How do I fix this? And I was so focused on what I can do that I was not having a conversation with Brooke, and she felt isolated and frustrated, right? So I think we went through the first probably two months of that challenge separated because I just thought I had to fix it and I wasn't going to Brooke and having discussions. And it and it took me a while to say, okay, wait a minute, no, this is this is not something I'm gonna fix on my own. This is something that Brooke and I need to work together. We got to lock arms and put both of our capabilities, both of our powers into fixing it. Um but I had to learn that because honestly, the first two months I just thought, oh, I'm I'm gonna take care of this. I can I can fix it.

SPEAKER_00 27:31

Well, and and even think about that. You're still you were still thinking about fixing with Brooke now. Yeah. But what have I not heard in that whole thing? Who who who are we supposed to go to as mentality? Go to the Lord, right? Go to the Lord. And I know you guys eventually did that. Um, and it was probably a great learning experience, or you know, probably I I know the story, I know what you guys went through, and I know that that become became a big part of your life was oh yeah, um revelation in the Lord and how definitely going to Him in prayer, you know, getting going from, as you said, a progression of, oh, I'm gonna fix this by myself to okay, wait a minute.

SPEAKER_01 28:10

Brooke and I need to partner and work together on this, and we'll we're gonna fix it. To okay, wait a minute. We're not gonna fix this. We are just totally dependent on the Lord in this situation. Uh and and that's a that's a humbling experience to come to, right? To go through, I'm gonna take care of it, to know, okay, we can take care of it together, too. There's nothing we can do in this situation, right? Um, is a very humbling to walk through. Yeah. Uh but luckily I had Brooke to be patient, uh, wait for me to come along so that we could to walk that together. So I think uh I think we need to close out uh as we come towards the end here. I think though, you know, some key points here is that the the strongest men aren't the one without struggles. You know, the strongest men are the ones who are humble enough to bring it into the light and have those conversations with their wives to go to the Lord, go to the Lord together, the two of them. Um, so I I think that's something to think about here. Uh, I think we would challenge you guys watching. Is there's anything you know you're struggling with that you're hiding from your wife right now? I think we would challenge you to bring it into the light and have that discussion.

SPEAKER_00 29:18

I I think, and there's a good point that I heard was many men are asking their wives to support a version of them that isn't fully honest and it isn't fully transparent. They don't know how to support what they don't know. And I think that's a big part of that. So I would challenge you if there are things in your life that you feel will make you seem weak to your wife, let's share one of those. Share one of those with your spouse and see how she reacts and see how much she wants to help. And and my guess is she will. She will. Oh, I know for sure she will.

SPEAKER_01 29:51

So let me pray for us then. And we'll I'll close out, okay?

SPEAKER_02 29:55

Yep.

SPEAKER_01 29:57

Lord, we thank you so much that you are our strength, Lord. We thank you that you are our refuse, Lord. We thank you for uh for Brooke and for Lauren that you put in our lives to uh just to see our blind sides, to see what we can't see, Lord, to be our helpers, to give us strength when we need it, Lord. So we just thank you so much for everything they do to love us, to help us to raise children, to point us towards you, Lord, uh, to be there praying for us, Lord, uh, when we need it, Lord. So we just thank you that you've brought them into our lives, Lord. We we ask that you just help us to be more vulnerable, to share more of our feelings, Lord, even when we don't want to, Lord, to be open and transparent and to also model that so that our sons and daughters can see it, so they can grow up seeing what a strong marriage should look like, Lord. So we just thank you. We thank you for your word. We thank you oh so much for your son, Lord, uh, who died to bring us back in relationship to you, Lord. Uh, and we just thank you for all of this in Jesus' name. Amen. Amen. Well, I'm Chris, and this is Sean with me uh with uh Love for a Lifetimes Authentic Marriage Podcast, and uh we look forward to seeing you next time.