Walking in Biblical Submission

On this episode of Girls Corner, Brooke and Lauren have an honest and encouraging conversation about one of the most misunderstood topics in marriage: biblical submission. Looking to God's Word, they discuss how submission was never intended to be viewed as something negative or demeaning, but as a beautiful part of God's design for marriage.

The conversation explores how God created marriage to reflect unity, with both husband and wife fulfilling unique roles that honor Him. Brooke and Lauren share how a godly marriage flourishes when a husband first submits himself to the Lord, leading with humility, love, and servant-hearted leadership, while a wife willingly supports and honors that leadership. Together, they become equally yoked, pursuing Christ with the same purpose and direction.

The hosts also discuss how biblical submission creates unity within the home. Rather than competing for control, God's design calls husbands and wives to work together under His authority, trusting His wisdom above their own. This was God's original design for marriage from the very beginning, and His plan continues to bring peace, strength, and harmony to relationships today.

This episode encourages wives to embrace God's design with confidence, knowing that biblical submission is not about losing your voice, but about trusting the Lord, honoring His order, and cultivating a marriage that reflects Christ's love and unity.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:09

Welcome to the Authentic Marriage Podcast. I'm Brooke, and this is Lauren. You've got the wives again today. And today we are going to talk about a word that is, I think, a trigger for a lot of people, but the word submission.

SPEAKER_01 0:23

Why do we keep doing this? Why do we keep talking about things that trigger us?

SPEAKER_02 0:27

We need to learn what this means. Biblical submission. Yeah, yeah. And um, we had the opportunity, Chris and I, but also you and Sean, we got to speak at a marriage retreat a few weeks ago. And Chris and I had the privilege of speaking on biblical roles in marriage. We keep getting this chance. I think God really wants us to figure this out this time.

SPEAKER_01 0:48

Somehow we're always there listening because God needs me to hear this.

SPEAKER_02 0:52

So all that to say, we have not perfected this. It's something we keep looking into. But um, it's worth talking about. And I think it's worth talking about with just us ladies without having the the guys here giving their input right now. So we can kind of wrestle through this. Because we're in um Ephesians and 521, which is important, says, submit to one another, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. And then we get to verse 22, which says, Wives submit to your husbands, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ is the head of the church, his body of which he is the savior. Now, as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. And I think that our world has turned this around and given the word submit our worldly connotation, our worldly definition, which is not originally how God meant it. Because I think we tend to think of submission as, well, I'm almost his slave. Like I have to do what he tells me to do, kind of like living in a dictatorship. And that is not at all what this means. Because to sub it says to submit, it doesn't say be submissive. And I think there's a really big difference there because somebody who is submissive is they're passive, they're unassertive, but somebody who submits makes a choice to take action out of respect for another person. It's a choice, a decision to take an action out of respect for somebody in authority, and in this case, that's your husband. And um submit actually means like to arrange yourself under. And I love to think of it this way because if you and your husband are married, you are on mission together. Now, whether or not you've taken the time to figure out what that mission is, you're still on a mission together. All right. We encourage you to figure out that mission. But to submit, it means to be in submission means you are on the same mission. You are kind of under, um, you're choosing to arrange yourself under your spouse or your husband for the sake of that mission. And it's a mutually agreed upon mission. So it's kind of a different way to look at it. We're trying to get the same place. Remember, our role is helper. We've talked about that. So, as his helper, I'm choosing to submit to his authority so we can get to this mission together. Um so uh yeah, let's just dig into this a little bit because I think that um it's a hard word. And I can, Chris and I have taught on this multiple times now, and we can still get to the end.

SPEAKER_01 3:36

And it's like, and it ends with wives submit to your husbands, and I still go, well, yeah, I think it's a word that culturally has been really misconceed. How do you say that word? Misunderstood. Misunderstood. Yeah. Um, and maybe in some ways there is some um culturally negative connotation towards that word. Um, but biblically it was never meant to be negative. Um, and uh there's a lot of things that the enemy has turned, right? And I think this is one of them. Um and I think that you know, part of when when the Lord said this, it's not um he he wants us to be equally yoked because when we're equally yoked, we we have the same biblical views on things. We have, like you said, shared direction, shared values, we're and and we have a shared surrender to God. So it makes that submitting um not easier, but there's a reason for it, you know, because your husband is ultimately supposed to be the leader. God has called the husband to be a leader, and that is a huge responsibility, but a huge honor at the same time. And and we, like you said, as wives, are to help, to help that that leadership even by submitting. And like, you know, I had I was thinking, how okay, so I do struggle with this sometimes because I like to take control of situations, and I and a lot of women do, um, and I have a stronger personality, and we both have strong personality, so we can both like just you know uh butt heads a lot, but uh you know, um, but I was thinking as as as Sean has grown closer to God, I have actually um been at peace when he makes decisions because I know that he's ultimately following his head. And um, like for instance, you know, we have the venues, right? And we're in one of them right now, the Chateau venue. And he had said, uh, we need to get a whole uh building generator. Well, those are like very expensive. Okay, and I was like, I don't know that that is a great use of our funds, you know. Um, I feel like that's not necessary. And um, but then the Lord like, and and this is so cool because he was like, the Lord just kind of like grabbed me and he was like, I'm speaking to Sean. And Sean even was like, Listen, I have a piece about this. And the minute that Sean said he had a piece about it, I didn't fight him on it, I didn't question it. I was like, he's listening to the Lord, and I'm gonna let him lead. And I kid you not, we have had so many times where the electricity on this property specifically has gone out. And we have been protected because of that generator. And the Lord knew that, and he led Sean to do that. And had I fought him and fought him and fought him, like for one, I would have been um fighting him against what God was calling him to do. And if, you know, and he's a great leader, and he was he was like, no, but some men might be like, no, I'm not gonna do it because I don't want to put up with this arguing, right? And and then disobey God. And I don't ever want him to disobey God as his wife, right? I wanna, I always want him to obey God. Um, there's there's so much to just obedience, you know. But um anyway, that was just God really showed me that example as we were diving in to talk about this, that um it's even on things like things like that, you know, where it's like let him lead. And and and it's a lot easier to let your husband lead when you know that they're seeking the Lord. And that was always God's intent was for the man to seek him and be guided by him to be the leader of the home, you know?

SPEAKER_02 7:54

Yeah I think that um one way I've really come to look at that this, and that was a good example, is we are actually choosing to empower our husbands to be who God has called them to be.

SPEAKER_03 8:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 8:09

And because I often think that when I've heard this word submit before, it's like, oh, well, I just have to like back off and not be true to myself and just follow whatever he wants to do. And that's not what this word means at all. And I really now almost see it as a challenge because I am also a very strong-willed person who likes to control things. Um, it's almost a challenge to me to say, how can I empower Chris to be the husband, the man, the leader that God has called him to be? Yeah, like and like you were saying, if we fight him on it, we're bringing them down, we're not respecting them, which is a talk we did before. Right. Um, but when we choose to submit, we empower them. And Chris and I were talking about this the other day. And I said, okay, so like what does this look like in our marriage? And he said, Well, you know, if there's ever like a big situation, a hurricane's coming and a decision has to be made fast, then the husband would make that decision. I'm like, okay, well, fine. I said, but that's never happened in our marriage, right? So on like big things like that just haven't really happened. There have been very few times in like big stuff where Chris has made some executive decision and I've just had to meekly follow. Like that just hasn't happened. Right. Um, and I think that probably is the case for most people. Right. Um, so it's not just him choosing what to do and not consulting me. Right. Like he includes me. We make all decisions together. But I was listening to someone's, um, I forget if I read it or listened to it. I'm always reading or listening to something. But the man said that he was talking about the um the wife and the house, and talking about just the decorating and choosing paint colors and things. And he said, really, that's for her to decide. He's like, I'm not gonna fight her on those things because that's often, I mean, maybe I'm stereotyping, but I think it often is kind of the the woman's space is kind of the home. And um, he said, I'm not gonna fight her on that because it just doesn't matter. So I think it's also the men knowing when to take leadership and where it's appropriate.

SPEAKER_01 10:16

Right.

SPEAKER_02 10:17

And I know one thing you and I both agree on is how important it is that we're talking about healthy marriages here. Yes. We are not talking about situations where there's abuse or um real neglect, or I and maybe you want to say more on that. Um, but just we're not talking about those situations. These are healthy marriages. I mean, we all have work we can do in our marriages.

SPEAKER_01 10:38

Every marriage can do some work, but well, I think you know, um, biblical submission was never designed for a woman to blindly follow a man disconnected from God.

SPEAKER_02 10:48

Right.

SPEAKER_01 10:48

Um, and so you know, if your your husband is in outright sin, God is not calling you to uh follow that outright sin. You know, like uh you're you are called to follow God and then your husband. So if your husband is sinning, you are not called to follow that. Um, you are called to follow God. Um, abusive situations, our loving God does not want that for you. Right, he is not saying you stay under that and you be uh degraded and abused. That is not who God is, and that's part of knowing who God is, for you to understand that submission is not something that is to harm us. It is not, it is never what he's asking us is never to harm us, you know? And so I think people can get the wrong idea on well, God said to submit, so I have to stay in this abuse. No, no, no, no. That's not what we're talking about here. And if you know who God is, that is not who he is, and that is not what he wants for you. And um, so that's not what we're talking about here, and all along it was always a biblical submission. That's what God had intended all along. Um, because all along God wanted his people to submit to him, and then from that, the husband submits to God, and we submit to the husband because he's followed. That's always been what God has, the hierarchy. Okay. Um, and you know, when we're talking to, you know, if if if some of you that we're speaking to, you're like, well, my husband isn't following God right now. Um, don't be discouraged from this talk because mine Sean wasn't originally, you know. Chris wasn't either. Um, and I didn't, and and we're not saying, oh, because your husband isn't following, divorce him. We're not saying that. Right. We're talking about submission, period. It's not about, oh, he's not doing this, so you leave him. No, no, no, no. God, God can change the heart. He changed the heart of Pharaoh, he can change our hearts, and he's he's actually sometimes working on us too. Are we going to obey him regardless of the circumstances around us? And if our God is for us, who can be against us? You know, so like realize he's for you, he's for your marriage working out, he wants that for you. The enemy is the one who's against you, the enemy is the one who comes to kill, steal, and destroy. So, what I want to encourage those that have husbands that maybe aren't walking with the Lord is first, you know, choose, um, choose uh choose to be Jesus to him regardless.

SPEAKER_03 13:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:39

Because the more he sees Jesus in you, the more he his heart will soften. It just will. And and you know, maybe he doesn't have a good idea of who Jesus is because he had a bad upbringing, you know, and maybe he's never seen it. So you be an example, you let him see who Jesus is because that will make him make want Jesus more. Um speak scripture over your home. The Lord revealed something to me the other day. You know, uh, he says in the armor that we put on, the armor, uh, it says at the last, our defense mechanism is the word of God, right? That's our sword, right? It's uh, and and um, but the correlation of what's in the Bible, it says that the word is sharper than any two-edged sword. So, what what God revealed to me through that is he's given us the word, which is the sword, and it's sharper than two any two-edged sword, which means that when you use it, it will completely obliterate your enemy. And he he just revealed that to me the other day, and I was like, whoa, this is, I mean, he gave us our our arsenary. Is that what it's the word? Arsenal. Arsenal. Yeah, he gave us that. Like we are not uh these helpless things. We have all the power and authority of Jesus in us, and then he gives us his word to implement it all.

SPEAKER_02 15:08

And it's the spoken word.

SPEAKER_01 15:09

It is, it's the spoken word. So, what I want to encourage everybody, you know, that's listening, who's having this struggle within your home, having this struggle in your marriage, go into your home and begin to just speak scripture out loud. Speak it around your home, speak it over your husband's pillow, speak it, speak it, speak it, speak it, because it never returns void. And when you speak it, it goes out and it accomplishes what it's supposed to accomplish. And you can and you can trust that. You can trust God when He says that. And then pray, pray, pray that God change his heart. And praying is not just speaking the problem. It's never speaking the problem. Okay, that's not what prayer is. Prayer is our battlefield, it's where we battle the enemy. It is we are claiming our authority, we are asking the God of all the universe to give us the help. Like that, we do not pray the problem. The Lord already knows the problem. We don't need to keep speaking that. And we're gonna talk in another um podcast here later about the power of the tongue. And don't go around speaking the problem, okay? It's not necessary. Yeah, it's not necessary. Start attacking the problem with the power of scripture, with the power that God's given you inside.

SPEAKER_03 16:27

Right.

SPEAKER_01 16:28

So you are not a helpless being. And as a wife, you are called to be his helper. So if he's struggling, then you get in the picture and you battle the enemy to get out. Right. You know, so I think you don't have to be discouraged because your husband's not walking in this talk, right? Like, yes, it is biblical submission, but there might be a lot of work on your end as a wife that you need to go clean house.

SPEAKER_02 16:55

Well, and I think that's important because I think it's very easy. And I know I've been in this category of saying, well, he's not doing this for me, so I'm not gonna do that for him. And that doesn't ever lead anywhere good. Right. Somebody eventually needs to become the adult in the room, yes, I think, and say, you know what, I can control me, I can control my actions, I can't control him, I can pray for him. But uh, how can I change and where can I change? And trust that if we are following God's word, that it will bear fruit. Yes, it will.

SPEAKER_01 17:25

It always will. Yeah. Um, so I know that we probably have to go. Um, but um do you have any other yeah?

SPEAKER_02 17:38

I think it's just just make sure we're aware when we're talking about this word submit, we're not talking about control. We're not talking about somebody being authoritative or dictative over us. Um, that's not God's word about it. It's not his plan for it. So it's really pressing into, I think it's really pressing into that opportunity to decide how to empower our husbands, yeah, how to build them up. Yeah. And um looking at it that way, because that's going to show them that respect that we talked about previously, how important respect is to our husbands, and let them know that we value them and that we care for them. And um, I think that's just really important for in marriage that we each feel valued and we can do our part in that. So challenge everybody just to kind of think about this word, submit and press into it. Do a little bit of looking into it on your own. Read what the Bible says and then read some commentaries.

SPEAKER_01 18:37

And everybody, you know, we're all in different places with that word. And you know, like even the Lord spoke to me yesterday with like, you are, you know, not submitting in some of the ways, you know, and I had to give that over to God and say, I well, I need your help. You know, I'm struggling with this. And we're all we're all kind of walking that walk, but God is faithful. And I think if you just ask him, where am I struggling in this? Where can I, where do I need help in this? Um, where do I need you to shed some light in this? He'll do it. He'll do it because he designed this, he designed this hierarchy and he designed it to flow like this for a reason. And again, it's always for our good. And I think we need to get out of our head any misconception that says that it's not for our good, that that, you know, God is trying to, you know, like he's this bad God, or you know, like, no, it's always for our good. Um, and and so we have we have to get rid of that thought process.

SPEAKER_02 19:42

Yeah. As we mentioned in a different podcast, like God has a plan A and He doesn't need a plan B. And this is God's plan A. It's for wives to submit to their husbands, husbands um to love their wives. And actually, it starts off by saying submit to one another. So um just yeah, God knows if we just follow his plan. Yeah. Um, I think that it's important to remember biblical submission was never designed to elevate men above women. It was designed to create unity and order and trust and sacrifice and partnership under God. That's so true. So unity, unity and marriage. Yeah, what is that? Yeah, right. Shall I pray yourself? All right, God, we thank you for your word. We thank you that you have designed marriage, that you don't need a plan B because you have that plan A. And help us, help us to submit to you and to your word. Help that word to not become something um that has such a negative connotation for us, but to really embrace it and to explore what that looks like and can look like in our marriage and how um you can use us to uh uh unify our marriage, to empower our husbands, to love them and respect them well. God, I just thank you that you uh give us these opportunities to have these conversations. And I pray for every single woman and husbands, if they're listening, that you um speak truth into their hearts. Let them not hear what the enemy wants to tell them about your word, but to hear what you say about your word. Give them the uh desire and the encouragement to just walk out what you have called us to do, how you've called us to live as husbands and wives. I thank you that you are for us, you are not against us. And that um you you want what is best. You have designed marriage, Lord, and you want our marriages to reflect you and to be a reflection of uh your church. So help us to do that well, God. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen. Amen. All right. Well, thank you for joining us for this podcast. Um Brooke, and this is Lauren, and we will see you next time.