Building a Marriage of Love and Respect

On this episode of the Authentic Marriage Podcast, hosts Shawn and Lauren, along with Chris and Brooke, begin a two part conversation on one of the most important dynamics in marriage: love and respect. Drawing from biblical principles, they unpack what it looks like to intentionally respect one another and why understanding your spouse's needs can strengthen your relationship.

The hosts discuss how many men are deeply encouraged by respect, while women often respond most strongly to love. Although respect may not always come naturally, especially during difficult seasons, choosing to honor your spouse is a powerful way to build unity and reflect God's design for marriage.

Throughout the conversation, Shawn, Lauren, Chris, and Brooke share practical insights and everyday examples of what respect can look like in marriage. They encourage couples to be intentional in the way they communicate, support, and build one another up, recognizing that healthy marriages are strengthened through mutual understanding and Christ centered love.

This episode is the first in a two part series. In Part Two, the conversation shifts to the wife's perspective as the hosts explore how husbands can intentionally love their wives in ways that make them feel seen, valued, and cherished.

Whether you have been married for a few months or many years, this episode offers biblical encouragement and practical wisdom to help you grow in love, respect, and unity together.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_04 0:08

Welcome back to Love for Lifetime's Authentic Marriage Podcast. We're Brooke and Chris. They are Sean and Lauren. We're glad you're joining us. So, you know, a couple of months ago, guys, we were telling you that uh we were going to the Carolinas to visit our doctor's boyfriend. And uh big news on that front, they are now engaged. You guys know this already, but they are engaged. Uh and the wedding is coming quickly.

SPEAKER_00 0:31

Very yes, they've been engaged for three weeks now, and the wedding is just under five weeks away.

SPEAKER_05 0:38

Make that clear just because they wanted to hurry. There are no other reasons. Just help them out here. Just helping out.

SPEAKER_00 0:52

Anyway, we are very thankful to have um friends with wedding venues.

SPEAKER_05 0:58

You help us move Christmas stuff.

SPEAKER_00 1:01

So it's cool how it's actually all just really falling into place in a very short timeline. So while we thought June was going to be a quiet month for us and we'd start to rest and recuperate from some of these things. Now we're looking forward to July.

SPEAKER_01 1:16

Yeah, Mackenzie's ruining all of our plans of vacationing.

SPEAKER_04 1:21

We'll get there eventually. Just some other priorities first. Um, good for them. I'm happy for her. We're excited now. It was interesting though when um for fiancé, we went out to coffee uh to have a little conversation, and and I asked him a little bit about uh what he thought Ephesians 5.25 means, where it says, Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church, and gave himself up for her. Um so I thought it was interesting because I think recently we had done podcasts before that talking about you know Ephesians 5, particularly Ephesians 5 uh 33, how however let each one of you love his wife as himself and let the wife see that she respects her husband. I thought, you know, before we had done that individually, talking about love and respect. Uh Sean and I talked about love, you guys talked about respect. So I thought maybe we'd come back together about the four of us and talk a little bit more about this topic because it is challenging, right?

SPEAKER_05 2:20

Well, I want to know his answer.

unknown 2:23

I know.

SPEAKER_04 2:23

You want to know I didn't record him.

SPEAKER_00 2:28

Was it a good response?

SPEAKER_04 2:30

His response was acceptable.

SPEAKER_00 2:32

Acceptable enough to give your blessings. Acceptable enough to get my blessing.

SPEAKER_05 2:36

And you tell them we'd work on the rest of that.

SPEAKER_04 2:40

I thought he was a good it was a good work in process. I think I think some of those edges on love that you you don't really learn until you start really living together. Yeah. Uh so you know, I there is some, you know, in marriage.

SPEAKER_00 2:52

In marriage. Living together in marriage. Living together in marriage.

SPEAKER_04 2:55

Thank you for the clarification, honey. Um no, I think some of it you just like you don't know until you get there.

SPEAKER_05 3:03

So are you saying the love as an action is very different from the love as the feeling? Yes.

SPEAKER_04 3:09

Yes, and I and I think his his comments, his comments uh were the feeling comments, but with some understanding that there'll be some actions that he has to continue to follow through. Yeah. Right. Um, so I thought I thought it was a good response. Good.

SPEAKER_05 3:25

Um I think a big point of what we're doing today on this love and respect, and I think we were talking off off camera, is that we still, as husbands, don't understand what that love means. And I think the wives, correct me if I'm wrong, don't understand the respect aspect of it. That we as men inherently understand the respect. We can understand that just on the playground at school or you know, all the way up. And you guys, the love, the love.

SPEAKER_00 3:55

The love. So yeah, we thought we would bring this conversation to this format, and we're just gonna hash it out. We don't have a script for this one. I think it's just kind of under trying to understand where our spouses come from. Because I mean, back in the day there was the book What Men Are From Mars, Women Are from Venus, or vice versa. But it really feels like this is one of those topics where respect just makes sense to you guys. Love makes sense to us. And I'm thinking, well, if you really feel respected, you really feel loved. And you're like, but no, that's not quite it. Explain this to me.

SPEAKER_04 4:31

But I wanted to make a couple things. I had I listened to your podcast and I made a note. Uh, one of the things I really liked that you brought up was that statistic um from I think it was Shanti Feldman, where she she'd looked through some research and there was one that said 74% of men would rather be respected than loved. And I thought, yeah, that makes sense to me.

SPEAKER_01 4:54

That's crazy.

SPEAKER_04 4:55

That's a massive statistic.

SPEAKER_01 4:57

Yeah, yeah. Huh? What does that mean?

unknown 4:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 5:00

And I think I think the real importance of this in marriage is, and again, we're gonna try and see if we can explain this, Sean and I, um, is that I I think you can love someone, but not respect them. And so, for an example, like I think you can love another person, um, but not respect their behaviors or their decisions. So think about that. If you have a friend or child or a child who's making bad choices, you might love them in that instance, but you're not respecting their decisions and their choices.

SPEAKER_05 5:40

You don't have an admiration or a value to the choices that they're making, and you don't exhibit that to them because you don't have it. I think is the way that I think when men respect other men, there's a a mutual admiration or a mutual feeling that they provide value, and it's almost you know, I I don't know if I'm what do you think on that?

SPEAKER_04 6:08

I I think you're getting there, and I think it's us trying to help them understand is that this idea that that when you look at us and you look at our our decisions, our behaviors, our actions, um, even if you don't agree that you think, hey, he's making that with the best intentions, the best intentions for our marriage. So, you know, I I might go do something and you go, you might think in your mind, I don't understand why he did that. But if you quickly follow that up in your mind with a thought of, but I know he was making that with best intentions, that skews towards respect versus just oh, I love that man, but I have no idea why he did that. Does that make any sense? Does that help a little nuanced there? It's a little further.

SPEAKER_01 7:03

Yeah. I think I think that's very helpful. Um, what I would say from a woman's perspective is because we don't fully grasp this because it's not an innate thing, um, I think we need help um from our spouse in um in a in a kind way. Um I think that if and when we show disrespect, because it's gonna happen, right? Because we don't innately understand it fully, um, for there to be a um a heart of understanding from the husband to say, she doesn't get this. And I need to help her understand this. And I think that innately we as women try to control things, you know, that's just what we do, and it's not out of because we don't think that you can, it's just that we just tend to, that's just in our like nature to do it. It's not, it's not just Genesis three, right? It's the fault. It's not necessarily that I don't think that you can or that you won't be good at it. It's just something that's I just have done my like it's just part of being a woman, and I don't want to put that on, you know, well, I'm just a woman. I understand that it's not a that it can be a damaging thing to a marriage, and we are to not walk where we are in control. Like, so I understand that aspect. It tends to be something we end up doing, um, and that we need help not doing. Um, and for so long, if you've been doing this type of behavior where you've been disrespecting and you didn't even realize you were disrespecting, which we've talked about in the earlier podcast, is like now we have to learn to not be that way. Yet we have a behavior that we're used to. So there needs to be, I feel, grace and understanding on the other end to say, okay, I'm gonna help you to see what this looks like. I think that would really help us as women. So if we do disrespect, we never want, we love you guys, right? We don't want to hurt you or harm you in any way. It's never our intent to do that. So I think coming from that angle too, like you're saying, like not coming from the angle of like we're trying to do this, right? But like if if like you understand that it's just something that we don't fully understand, and then coming out of kindness and being like, okay, in that moment that was really disrespectful, and here's why, what it made me feel, or whatever, you know, that would be very helpful because if we're going to retrain ourselves, we need to understand what that even looks like.

SPEAKER_04 10:05

And I think that's the importance of why the four of us wanted to have the conversation together, right? Is to let people know that are listening, watching that hey, this is actually challenging.

SPEAKER_01 10:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 10:14

Right? That what Sean and I is inherently obvious to us, what respect looks like, is not inherently obvious to the two of you. And and it is a real subtle, I'll agree, it is a real subtle difference. This real subtle difference between feeling love and feeling respect is a subtle difference. And I and I think that's why we wanted to have a conversation. And I I like, I hear what you're saying, I like what you're saying, is that uh couples, both sides have to walk into this conversation with grace because there has to be there has to be the ability to share those feelings, to share those uh observations, those behaviors, uh, but to do it with love, right?

SPEAKER_05 11:02

And it's this kind of this balance between um but what does that mean to do that in love, right? Because we don't necessarily understand that concept the same way that you probably feel or understand it. Um we I think for men, we feel like we're loving you well when we're providing and protecting and doing those things that we're built to do. And we feel like that that shows you love, but you guys don't necessarily see the love in those ways, right? And um or that's like only the first level, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 11:39

Maybe it's not even like when we're talking about giving, like even in our interaction, like if we don't feel loved and we approach you with that, or if you don't feel respected and I approach or you approach me with that, it's to maybe keep the lines a little clearer. I think kindness isn't is really what we mean. And I think across the board, men and women can understand the word kindness. And so when we're saying, like, hey, you know, speak to let us know that we were disrespectful in love, what we really what I'm saying is let us know we were disrespectful in a way that's kind. And the same is true in, you know, when I tell you, like, you know, I didn't feel loved in this moment, I can do it in kindness. So let's just take love out of the equation of speaking about like approaching each other because we're talking about love and respect and it's getting a little hairy. But um, so really what what what I think is we need to be kind in how we approach helping one another understand. And I think that's and we can all know what kindness means.

SPEAKER_05 12:55

Well, so just so Lauren and I have been struggling with this. This has been something the last couple of weeks that we've been dealing with. We we teach marriage, we teach communication, we teach these things, and and we're not at all perfect at any of these things. And so we struggle with the same things that everyone struggles with. Thankfully, we're focused on communication, we're focused on these marriage things and these podcast things because it's keeping our it's keeping that at the forefront of our mind. But we've been struggling. I've I have felt disrespected, and she has not felt loved, and we've gotten into almost the crazy cycle, right? You can see how quickly it can come in a marriage. So I felt disrespected a few weeks back, made a comment. I don't think it was a very clear comment, and it was probably not kind, like you're saying. Uh, it happened again within three days. I felt disrespected. Same almost situation. And at that point, I said I am getting frustrated. Then yesterday, so it's great that we're doing this talk today, even for us and our healing, right? Because yesterday, and I finally snapped and I said, I'm done. I feel so disrespected by you, and I don't want to hear it, and and whatever. And I was I was harsh. So I defaulted back to the way in all of these, I defaulted to the way that I was raised, right? Um, without love. I don't want to say without love. I know my dad loved me, but I was raised by a dad who is heavy disciplinarian. Um and so the soft, grace-filled, warm love I don't necessarily grasp as well. And so this becomes hard when she was raised in a family of very loving parents, right? Hugs and kisses and all that stuff. So I resorted back to the harshness where I think her disrespect sometimes resorts back to the way that maybe she's seen things or experienced life. And that's where we are. And and your default goes back to your training, you know, unless you're able to break that cycle. Um, and so this is a helpful thing for us to even speak about this. And what I'm realizing is that in our community communication talks, we talk about mutual understanding. You don't have to agree, you don't have to, but you've got to mutually understand where one another's coming from. I don't come from that love background, the good feely, touchy, smushy love, right? I don't, I'm I'm trying, I'm trying to get to that point, but sometimes I will default back to the harshness and the directness, and I feel like this and I want this.

SPEAKER_04 15:29

I think one of the things that I wrote down when I was listening to you guys talk about respect, and I liked a lot of what you said. I thought that was a great conversation. Um, and I one of the things that pop into my mind was that this idea of respect equals respect equals believing in me, believing that I can do it right or do it correctly, right? And I think I think that is a challenge. I think you've heard you both talk about it because a lot of times you guys have you have in your mind a set way that you want it done, right?

SPEAKER_00 16:06

The right way, uh-huh.

SPEAKER_04 16:07

The right way, right? And maybe that's not the way I do it, right? But it's but it's being able to be helping our case here. Just being honest. Truthfully. She's got the right way in her mind, but it's but it's be it's but it's taking that pause to say, if I do if Chris does it, that Brooke takes that pause and says, Well, that wasn't my way, but is that way okay?

unknown 16:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 16:33

Right? And I think it's just it's even taking that pause to say, that's not the way I would have done it, but is it okay? Is it gonna work? Or maybe with a slight adjustment, just a slight adjustment, it'll work. So I think it's it's that idea that came to my mind listening to you guys just a lot of a lot of what I liked you said, but trying to say that respect is believing in believing in us, believing that we can do it correctly. Maybe I didn't get it quite right this time, but with a little bit of correction or coaching next time I can get it right.

SPEAKER_01 17:03

Well, that's what I'm I'm wondering, you know, because like I hate to say it, but you're not always right. And we're not always right, right? And there are better ways to doing things at times, right? And so in that, and I think the crazy cycle is just always assuming that you can never do it, right? But there are times that I think that, you know, you, you know, Sean did something and it could have been done a better way for future. How would you say that as a man that you would accept an approachment without feeling disrespected, where we could approach the situation and because we are your easer and we are your helper, to be able to give input without you becoming defensive?

SPEAKER_04 17:54

That's a great question. I got do you have an answer?

SPEAKER_05 17:57

You know, I think in our situation, you're a question asker, right? You you really do want to ask questions because you want to know. But sometimes, and I know in the beginning of our relationship, that was very hard because I felt questioned in everything and every decision that I was making. And we've gone through this, and so sometimes it kind of comes back to that a little bit. Um so again, it goes back to the understanding you're not asking questions all the time that are um basically saying I'm not doing it right. Men, we Chris and I talked a lot about the weight that men carry, and a lot of the way that a lot of the ways that we handle that weight, because we are ultimately responsible for the decisions that are made in our families. We are. Um God calls us to be the head of our household, and so ultimately we're responsible for those things, and we take accountability and we have accountability to the Lord for those things, and I think when those get questioned often, or um, you know, we tend to get angry or go the other way, you know, and and I'm the get angry guy, right? And I'm trying to understand that even about myself. Um, and and I'll come back to her with harshness from those things. Um, but there are different kinds of respect. Like that's one thing that we've gotten good at. The issues that we've been dealing with wasn't about question asking, right? It was about comments or things in public that just didn't feel good to me, right? And I didn't, but I didn't come to her and say, hey, this made me feel this way. I said, I'm you disrespected me and I don't like it. Right? No explanation, no reason. You disrespected me.

SPEAKER_04 19:38

And I think and I think there's there's two things that happen in that crazy cycle that takes back to that crazy cycle. First is is that generally, again, generally speaking, a lot of guys, husbands not particularly good about talking about their feelings, right? So that helps feed that crazy cycle because he didn't Sean didn't talk about his feelings, he just he just wanted to stop, cut it out, stop the conversation. I think the second piece that's in there that feeds that crazy cycle is is an inherent fear of failure. Right. So I think those two things kind of cut us off, right? We cut ourselves off honestly, sometimes is that we have this, we don't want to fail, we want to provide, we want to do the right thing. So we have this concern about failure, but then we also aren't very good about talking about our feelings. So we can quickly jump from which should be a a good conversation, a correcting conversation, maybe to an argument.

SPEAKER_05 20:34

And and and it's not gonna show love. So so then she's gonna feel unloved in the way that I responded to her, and so then she's gonna get more disrespectful, more unloving, more disrespectful, more unloving. And that's that cycle. And when and you can feel it, and it starts to spiral pretty quickly, like you can feel it. We do this a lot, not not the argument, but we do marriage things a lot, and so for this to be happening in our marriage, it's probably a good thing to see what people are what people go through, what we've gone through in the past, and that we're not infallible, and that the enemy's always wanting to attack, and the enemy's gonna tell me things, and it's gonna tell her things, and it's gonna create a rift between us. And that's I know that's what's happening.

SPEAKER_01 21:20

So back to I just want to ask the question and and come back around to that real quick. Is there a way that a wife, because I know that other wives are listening? Is there a way that a wife can address things that are done incorrectly or or not maybe even in well, maybe sometimes, or that it's something that would be beneficial to do a different way? How would how do you both being men, how would you appreciate your wife coming to you to because of course we don't want to disrespect you, um, but there There are times we're probably like, you know, we want, you know, there might be some helpful insight into something.

SPEAKER_00 22:09

Yeah. Can I interject something first though? Because one thing I'm seeing, I feel like we have more of this with Chris being retired and home a lot more. We have more opportunities. And one thing I'm really trying to do is before I even try to respond, is think, how did he, what did you mean to do by this? And was he trying to be helpful? And what were your intentions as you were saying? And then also, does it matter? Because I think some of the things that I'll be annoyed by, it doesn't matter.

SPEAKER_01 22:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:41

You know, and and then trying to, before I would even have to go to him with it, just be like, okay, Brooke, just let this go. This is you being controlling, which I can do. And and then just and then, and then if it is important, right? Okay, then we then let them answer the question. But I have too many things I get annoyed with, and I'm like, bro, that doesn't matter.

SPEAKER_01 23:03

Yeah. So I think that's good for a woman to hear that.

SPEAKER_04 23:07

Yeah, so there's and there's following on from that, there's probably two paths here that to consider. The first path from your question, Lauren, is a path of if um if they haven't done it your way and you think it can be done a better way, more efficient way, maybe a response somewhere along the lines of, oh, okay, that'll work. Right, that'll work, okay. Thank you for getting that done. Um maybe next time here's a different way or a better way or a more efficient way. But acknowledging, hey, if it really works, it's just not your way, acknowledge that, oh, yeah, that'll work, okay. That's good, thank you. But you know, hey, maybe next time it'd be easier to do it this way, right? So at least acknowledge. Start it with acknowledgement that that it'll work.

SPEAKER_05 23:57

Right, I think that's delivery too. A lot of men, a lot of the baggage we carry is not ever being good enough. We carry that from our coaches, we carry that from our parents sometimes. Um, we carry that as men, that you're not good enough. If you're not the best, you're not good enough. And when it comes across as you're not saying these, but your words and your eyes and your face say, hey dummy, why did you do this? Like, or that was stupid. You may not even say that was stupid, but that's how the tone comes across. There's a condescension in the voice, there are those things that take us back subconsciously subconsciously to we're not good enough. And and like you were talking about in the Genesis 3 thing, we start to feel like you're controlling, right? You're trying to control these things. And you know, you and I make a lot of decisions, a lot. And so we have the ability to question each other's decisions on a daily basis, but probably 10 times a day. So it puts us in the firing squad of the enemy to say, okay, you're gonna say something with a tone that's gonna make him feel stupid. And and when guys are made to feel stupid, I think in school, whatever, it's a huge disrespect, right? And sometimes our tones, because mind elevates to harsh pretty quick. And in that harshness, I know that's not loving. In the moment it's tough, but I I recognize that that's not tough. The tone of making a man feel lesser or condescending or you know, condescending to him, that his decisions just aren't right and he's stupid, is a quick way to start the crazy cycle for us and probably for a lot of men.

SPEAKER_04 25:50

So the second piece I wanted to answer of your question, because I didn't answer your full question yet. So one case might be, you know what, that'll work. You know, think about will that work. The second case is when it actually doesn't work. And I'll try to give an example here. And I think what happens is we misunderstand the desired outcome. So let's say, just for a simple example, let's say there's a package. There's a package on the on the kitchen table that needs to get put away. And Brooke says, Oh, that package needs to get put away. So I rip open the package and take the stuff out and put it on the shelf and I throw away the package. Well, maybe what Brooke actually had in her mind was, I want to reuse that packaging, but first I need to get the stuff out of it. Well, if all I hear is we need to put those things away that are in the box, I rip open the box, destroy the box, and put the things away. But if she's really thinking I want to reuse the box, well, now I've totally destroyed the box. But it's because I didn't hear the right outcome, right? I heard get that stuff put away when what maybe the outcome was, well, put it away, but I want to reuse the box. Well, the outcome I misunderstood. And I think that's the one that really gets challenging is when we don't hear the right outcome or don't have the same outcome in mind. So it's then that discussion about okay, what was the outcome that you were trying to achieve? Or what was the outcome you wanted? Because I think that's sometimes where we get disconnected in that communication cycle.

SPEAKER_00 27:26

So it's just not communicating fully and clearly and expecting you to read our minds. Yeah, that's part of it. Which I still happens, which isn't fair, right? And it's you know, it's not fair.

SPEAKER_04 27:39

No, and I and I think, you know, again, I think it's back to the idea of intentions of trying to think about what was the outcome he intended there.

SPEAKER_02 27:46

Um to be helpful, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 27:48

To be helpful. Both intentions were good, right? Both intentions were, hey, we need to do that, and I need to do something else with the box. Yours is I'll do this for her. Yeah. And now there's a fight.

SPEAKER_00 28:00

Right? Or an argument. We don't call it fights. Intense tense fellowships. Intense. Or nothing is said, and then it's a little block of bitterness that grows and grows as more things like that happen and build on themselves.

SPEAKER_04 28:15

So what's amazing is we've talked more than 25 minutes on this.

SPEAKER_01 28:20

I know that's what I was gonna say. I think we could part one then. Yeah, because part one is respect, but I think I think it's helpful to know what though for a woman, what that and it's helpful for us to know that you guys don't have that same thing in your dealings with other women, do you, to that point?

SPEAKER_05 28:39

Do you have you told a woman in your life I feel disrespected? I'm just curious. I don't know that. I don't think have you fought over a disrespect because we've like duked it out, like guys have over disrespectful things, even on the playground all the way up through sports.

SPEAKER_00 28:52

I mean, I like to be respected. I like to be thought well of.

SPEAKER_01 28:56

See, we like to be loved, but so like when I went to an appointment and somebody disrespected my time, I was like, oh my goodness, this is not great, you know. Like I did not like to be disrespected. But I don't think it's a normal thing for women to feel that way. I think it's more normal for us to feel like that person wasn't very loving, you know. Like, I don't really feel loved by what they just said, you know. So I think it's very different. It's very different. So I do think we should table this and get into the love portion next for men to understand. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 29:37

Um, but we need help, that's for sure.

SPEAKER_01 29:39

Yeah, well, we do too. And I think this is why it's very beneficial, and that's why I'm asking the questions, because you know, I think there's lots of people who are watching this that are thinking, well, how do I say what you're saying? And I think we could continue to ask more questions because there's a lot more to unpack with this, right?

SPEAKER_05 30:00

Um, but this is a hard thing to get out of if you're in that crazy cycle at the moment.

SPEAKER_01 30:05

Oh, sure.

SPEAKER_05 30:06

And you're not showing love and it's just going downward spiral. It's really hard to get out of that. You really have to look to the Lord. The Lord showed me in all of this that I'm being bitter. I have bitterness because Chris and I did a thing today talking about when you don't feel close to God. I haven't felt close in the last few days. I'm like, God, why am I not? And and he was like, You got a lot of bitterness about this. And I let it get into that crazy cycle, and I realized, man, it's so easy to get into. Like it's so easy, you know. And if you're not rooted in him at that moment, we've what have we had? Very limited time to do our God time in the mornings. And when we lack it, we can unravel pretty quickly. So, and we recognize, and it's you know, it can become tense pretty quick. We're both very strong people, strong-willed people, working together, everything together, serving together, doing a lot of things together. And so we have a lot of opportunity to rub each other the wrong way, I think is kind of fair.

SPEAKER_04 31:06

I think when you have that time, you know, I see it in you guys, when you have that time in the Bible together, you so much come back to you know, Galatians 5 22 and the fruit of the spirit, right? But the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control against such things, there is no law. Right. So when we get that time, we can we can come back to the fruit of the spirit and focus on those things.

SPEAKER_01 31:34

Um, so and we have the spirit living in us. So regardless, you know, we are to be grounded and abide in Christ. But even if for some reason you don't get in your God time in that morning, like you have the Holy Spirit and you can access the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit is perfect in every way and can give you all that you need throughout the day. And so even when, you know, because I don't want to, I don't want people to think, well, that's that's an excuse for not walking in the fruits of the spirit.

SPEAKER_04 32:07

Good point. Thank you, Lauren.

SPEAKER_01 32:08

Um, we have the spirit, yeah, and we can choose are we going to let the spirit out or are we gonna let our flesh out?

SPEAKER_05 32:14

The reality is we've believed a lie somewhere about the other person, yeah. Right.

SPEAKER_00 32:18

And just one more little thing. The one thing that's really coming through to me right now is the word humility. And I feel like that's such a big part of these conversations. I think we have to be humble enough for you to come to our spouse to come to you and say, Hey, help me understand this. And then we have to be humble enough to receive what they tell us, and that's not easy, right? Pride is much easier to be prideful. So I think really praying for humility as we as we try to understand this, and because I want to know how to respect you, and I want you to be able to tell me without me going on the defensive with it.

SPEAKER_01 32:54

So yeah, because ultimately we love like I love you, she loves Chris, and like we want you to feel loved. And if feeling loved, no, if feeling loved is respect, which it really is for you, then we want you to feel that. Yeah, and we want to do it in the right way. It's kind of like love languages, right? When you when you're doing something for somebody, but it's not their love language, they're not really feeling it. And you're like, I'm doing all of this. Well, I think it's the same almost for women because we feel like we do a lot, right? And we feel like we're loving you guys, but if it's not in a way that makes sense for you in terms of the respect, then you might not be feeling actually quote quote the love, though, really the love equals respect for you. Yeah, you know, so I think this is a very important topic, and I think you could go on for months.

SPEAKER_05 33:50

I'm actually very happy that we've kind of gone through this in the last couple days because it changed the dynamic of this talk for us, you know, having been experienced it, and it was almost just this morning that we hugged each other and said, I love you, and kind of were like, I'm sorry, I was sharp, and those kind of things. And and God spoke to me, right? Like, you've been bitter, you know, and and it doesn't matter what she did. I have to love her. That's what he calls us to do, and that's what this is.

SPEAKER_04 34:25

Great discussion. We need to take it further next time. But for today, Sean, why don't you pray us out?

SPEAKER_05 34:30

God, thank you so much for loving us. Thank you for our spouses. Lord, this is a hard topic, and you know, you've made men and women very different, but ultimately to become one. So, Lord, would you grant everybody listen to this understanding over their spouse? Would you give revelation of the things that the other spouse needs? Would you give people communication, a desire to communicate effectively? Would you bless each marriage with the with the ability to love and to respect, to understand what those things mean, to understand how you design them to be. Lord, we love you and we thank you for making our spouses. We love you that we can confess these things. And Lord, you hear us, you know us. We trust you to guide our marriages, we trust you to guide our lives, we trust you to even guide in our arguments so that we can still pray together, that we can still love one another, that our covenant in our marriage is not going to be broken by arguments or these difficulties, but that it will be made stronger. Lord, your word says that iron sharpens iron, and that's not always a pleasant time, but on the back end of that, Lord, it's a deeper connection, it's a better understanding, it's more love, it's more respect, it's more grace, more forgiveness. In Jesus' name.

SPEAKER_03 36:11

Amen.

SPEAKER_04 36:12

Amen. Well, uh, this was uh, I guess this was just the first part of our discussion on love and respect. We've got a lot more, I think, to unpack. We'll do that in some future episodes. So again, I'm Chris. It's my wife Brooke. They are Sean and Lauren. Uh, this is Love for a Lifetimes Authentic Marriage Podcast. Please join us next time and we'll be talking more about love and respect.