Your Pain has Purpose: Healing Through Pain with Ken Daughty Jr.

In part 2 of my interview with Ken Daughty Jr., we explore the deep pain behind the message of Your Pain Has Purpose. Through grief, hard lessons, and restoration, this conversation reminds us that God can use even the most painful parts of our journey for a greater purpose.

Disclaimer:

The content shared on the Bernitha Rena Relates Podcast is for informational and inspirational purposes only. It is not intended to be professional advice—legal, financial, medical, or otherwise. Any actions taken based on this content are at the listener’s own discretion and risk. We assume no liability. Always consult with a qualified professional before making decisions that may impact your health, life or wellbeing. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_06 0:01

Welcome to the Bernita Renee Relates Podcast. I'm your host, Bernita Renee. In part one of this series, you met Pastor Ken, and we discussed how he built a global ministry through obedience and TikTok. Today, in part two, Pastor Ken opens up even more and lets us in on his journey and the truth behind his newest book, Your Pain Has Purpose. I'm so excited to welcome back my brother in Christ, Pastor Ken. Hey, welcome back.

SPEAKER_05 0:36

Thank you so much.

SPEAKER_06 0:37

Pastor Ken, in our previous episode, you were kind enough to share with us how your TikTok flock came to be. But now I'm ready to dive deeper. Yes. You talk about how the Lord called you to do what you're doing now, to disciple people online and shepherd people online, and that's just an amazing concept. In a similar way, I feel pretty certain, 99% sure, this is where the Lord has called me to be, and this is what the Lord wants me to be doing. Initially, it was around doing something in radio, and then it moved to doing this podcast. I've said many times, when that came to my mind that that's what I was gonna do, it was like a key went into a lock and just turned. And that everything I had been doing in my life was building up to this moment to where this is where the Lord was leading me. I feel certain about that. However, it's been a painful process. What would you say to the person who they feel certain the Lord is calling them towards a certain avenue, a certain direction, but they've grown comfortable in doing things where they know where the next dollar is coming from. They know they'll be well taken care of, they know their household will be well taken care of, but the Lord is leading them down a path or they can't see any sort of financial provision, but yet they feel called. Because to your point, I know there may have been people who started churches for the wrong reasons, but I also feel like people probably started churches for a lot of good reasons, and then they got to a point where we got to keep the lights on. And so it kind of led them to a point where, okay, they need to make sure people are giving offering and giving this certain amount. You know what I mean? So it led them down this sort of financial thinking. I'm all over the place in my question. Oh, this is doing. Okay. So what would you recommend to someone who feels called in an area that's outside of their comfort and outside of their financial comfort?

SPEAKER_05 2:38

So me and you are probably two peas in a pot. When I stepped away from corporate America because the Lord told me to step away from corporate America, I asked that very question. God, you call me to preach on TikTok every day? Like full-time job, shepherding people all day long. I don't believe in tithe. I don't believe in taking people's money just to take it. And I'm not going to put this out there for people to pay for. So how am I going to be sustained? I have a family. We have a lifestyle. Like we have a lifestyle. Sure. What do you do, God? And the Lord taught me another valuable trait. He was like, go look in the Bible. Timothy worked. He was a pastor. James worked. He was a pastor. Paul worked. He was a pastor. Peter worked. He was a pastor. Because again, you're not shepherding 24 hours a day. You're shepherding people who need it. You meet in your homes one or two hours, three hours a day, and then the other eight hours you're making a livelihood. So for me, it was like, okay, if I'm pastoring or teaching or sharing, we do Bible studies on Mondays and Wednesdays. We meet on Sunday. How do I sustain myself? Here's the answer. I paused. Remember, the pause is awkward. That's where you discover your destiny. Lord, what do you want me to do? How do I sustain an income? This is a very powerful prayer. Lord, I need you to open doors that should be open. I need you to shut every door that needs to be shut. I'm not one of those prosperity preachers. Money cometh, money cometh. That's that's not Bible. What I do pray is, Lord, put me in alignment with the right resources at the right time, the right conversations, the right people. Lord, open up some avenues for me. Lord, give me some aha moments, give me vision, give me revelation. And from that came be a consultant for people that don't want Jesus, but they might just want a promotion at their job. And they need to know how to do that. Or uh maybe their family is under fire, but they don't really want to go the Jesus route. They need a life coach, a consultant, and charge them a fair fee. Don't charge them three, four, five hundred dollars. Charge them a fee that's like, oh, I can swallow that. Wait, that's it? That's all you charge? Because God said, I'll take care of you. I will provide all of your needs according to my riches and glory. Like I had to stand on the scripture. You have to stand on the scripture. He said, if you would seek me first, Matthew 6.33, and live right, everything else will come. Everything else will be added to you. Luke says it'd come pressed down, shaking together, and running over, will men pour into your bosom? So I found myself 100% surrendered to this thing called the church. I did. The gathering. I said, okay. Because at first year I was like, ugh, I was still applying for jobs. I was still waiting on God. The Lord didn't let nobody hire me. I applied for like 500 jobs with a master's degree and 23 years' experience in corporate America, and God shut every door. He said, Well, you prayed and asked me to shut doors that you shouldn't go through.

SPEAKER_06 5:50

Ooh. That may be too hard for most folks to swallow. I'm gonna be honest with your brother Ken. Does it sound that's uncomfortable? That's uncomfortable.

SPEAKER_05 6:01

See, the only way you shine bright is to go through the fire.

unknown 6:04

Wow.

SPEAKER_05 6:05

The hotter the fire, the shinier you become. Gold doesn't even start shining until they turn the fire up. It's just a lump of coal. Get the black coal off of there by turning up the fire. Everybody wants to shine. Everybody wants a platform. Everybody wants God to move them. And they're unwilling to be uncomfortable in the fire. See, fire is never easy. Calling is never easy. So to answer your question, I don't know if I'm answering it. This calling that you have, this calling that you have is not just a calling, it's a transformation, it's a new identity, it's a greater assignment, and it has to be moved by faith alone. When Moses left, it was all faith. When Joseph was given the responsibility, it was all trusting God. David ran from cave to cave for 12 years, trusting God. He didn't know where his next meal was going to come from. It's all trust. It's all faith. Noah, build the build the ark. Oh, okay. I I I trust you. Three Hebrew boys had to go on that fire, okay. Right. Either God is with me or he's not. You can't question it. You just gotta go.

SPEAKER_06 7:14

You just have to go through the fire and trust me.

SPEAKER_05 7:18

Wow. So what I ended up finding is that as I kept walking, the Lord started giving me more ideals. Okay. Started trucking companies.

SPEAKER_06 7:27

But you had to walk into it first.

SPEAKER_05 7:28

You have to take the step.

SPEAKER_06 7:30

Four. Okay.

SPEAKER_05 7:32

There were ten lepers. There were ten lepers. Luke chapter 17. They couldn't be close to Jesus. They had leprosy. So at a distance, they're yelling, they're yelling. Son of David, Jesus, Yeshua. Heal us. At a distance back, Jesus is yelling back. Remember, you got to see the scene of this story. They could not be close to him. So that a distance down the street. You've done this. We've yelled at other people in the other room because they can't hear us. Hey, bring me the remote. Jesus, will you heal us? And he yells back, Go tell the priest that you're already healed. What? The Bible says the moment that they turned and began walking, the leprosy disappeared. Sometimes we just got to turn and go. What we end up doing is sitting there questioning it. How and why? And what if? And let me put the budget together. And will we have enough? And what if we do this? That's not faith.

SPEAKER_06 8:28

Well, I can relate to that because no one wants to suffer. Suffering is very, very painful. I want to ask you another question because this is so good. But in your book, Your Pain Has Purpose, it reframes suffering, right? And it talks about it as a divine preparation. Can you share with us what personal experience positioned you to write this kind of message and what made you want to write it right now?

SPEAKER_05 8:59

This is my eighth book. I wrote a book about some of my journey in each of the books that I've released. But this one, I go into a little bit more detail about how I got here. I just shared some of it with you. The back end of that story is that not only did I lose my job and could not find a job, me and my wife's relationship was on the brinks. We were having a very challenging time. The goals and visions that I had for my kids regarding college, they weren't panning out. Coaches weren't looking at them, and I didn't know how I was going to pay for school. On top of all of that, I had some self-challenges, just call it that, some proclivities, uh, some self-destructive habits of my own. And then my dad died. The only person I could really talk to about all of this stuff that I did talk to, he was suddenly gone. It wasn't sudden. We knew it was coming, but you tried to brace for it and say it's not gonna happen and got going. And it happens. So there I was. I didn't want to be here anymore. I had thought many times just drive into the middle of that, you know, concrete structure, and whatever happens, happens. I didn't want to put a gun to my head, and I wasn't uh trying to take pills or anything like that, but I really thought that my family would be better off without me. My wife definitely would be better off without me because she can't stand me right now. I had all these lies that the enemy had told me, and I was suffering inside. Some people call it deep depression, manic depression. No one diagnosed me, but I understood where I was at. That's when the Lord started talking to me like Joe. Because I was I was hard on God. I said, I asked you to give me a job, you didn't give me a job. I asked you to help Rachelle turn her heart back toward me, and she hadn't turned her heart back to me. I asked you to help my kids get scholarship to school. We invested 12 years of basketball, and and not one coach will give them an opportunity. I asked you to make sure my daddy stayed alive. I asked you that I wanted a long career at ATT. You have not answered one prayer. What's the point of praying, God, if you already know the answer? If you've already made your mind up, if you already know our destinies, if you already have decided arbitrarily how this is going to go, what's the point of talking to you? Well, like, why are we doing this? Like that's what that was my position. I was angry, frustrated, despondent, I was despairing, I was everything. And God in his grace, God in his love for us spoke to me in such a way that humbled me.

SPEAKER_02 11:30

So what did he say? Are you in control or am I in control?

SPEAKER_05 11:40

Oh, you you're God? Almost sarcastically, but lovingly. Kind of like he did Job. I heard it. So so where were you when I diagnosed your dad with cancer when he was a baby and already decided his 66 years? Where were you when I allowed ATT to hire you back in 2000? Like I put it on those people's heart to hire you. Who are you to tell me, the God of all gods, the king of all kings, the president of all presidents, the Lord of all lords, who are you to tell me how I should operate things? But you says you answer all of our, like if I called upon your name, you'd answer that you give me the desires of my heart, that if I believed, if two or three would like I start challenging him with his own words.

SPEAKER_06 12:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 12:26

He said, I answered every prayer. Every prayer that you've prayed has been answered. The problem is you're stuck in the present and you refuse to see the future. That hit me. Glory said, You are somewhere in the future and you look so much better than you look right now, but you refuse to see it because you're in your feelings. You think I'm supposed to move, and you tell me to move, and that's not how prayer works. That's not how our relationship works. You don't go tell your wife to get up and move right now. That's not how you talk to somebody. You don't want her coming to you and say, get up, take trash out right now, come back. Right. Get those shoes up right now and then don't put them there again again. Who do you think you're talking to, Ken?

SPEAKER_06 13:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 13:09

I love you. And everything that I've allowed to happen was was happening for my purpose, not yours. This is bigger than you. Humble yourself and pray. Seek my face, come back to me, and I'm gonna start moving in your life. It was that pain that pointed me to my purpose. It was shortly after that that me and Rachelle kind of start working on the marriage again in 2021. It was shortly after that that the Lord had gave me kind of these ideals of if I ever were to go into business, this is what I would do. It was shortly after that. My both my kids ended up with scholarships and played basketball. It was shortly after that that the Lord reminded me, your dad is healed. Oh, your dad, your dad is well. He's a part of the cloud of witnesses. I've answered all of your prayers. What are you complaining about? Oh, because I didn't do it the way you wanted it done. Or I didn't do it on the timeline. So that was the the foundation of this book, that there was purpose behind it. Everything that I survived was for a reason.

SPEAKER_06 14:19

Just for a reason. One of the things I kind of noticed as a thread through many of your books is endurance. Do you think that's something that that the Lord is really trying to teach you? And do you think that's something that so many of us Christians overlook when we're talking about faith? The endurance part of it?

SPEAKER_05 14:40

Yeah, absolutely. Think about this. Everyone in the Bible suffered. They had to endure. Trial, sickness, abuse, betrayal, death, trauma, they all had to endure. The trial wasn't just so they can have something on their resume that say, Oh, I got some scars. It was so they would be a better version of themselves. See, I don't know if I would be as compassionate as I am today had I not gone through what I've gone through.

SPEAKER_06 15:11

Now you're talking, brother Ken. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 15:13

Does that make sense? I do. I wouldn't have the anointing on my life had I not gone through the crushing. Because think about an olive oil, an olive. Oil only comes out of that olive if it's pressed and broken. Otherwise, the oil stays in the olive.

SPEAKER_04 15:35

You're right.

SPEAKER_05 15:36

Watch this. They used olive oil to go into lamps. That was the primary oil used for lamps.

SPEAKER_04 15:43

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 15:44

We are to be lights to this world, Matthew chapter 5.

SPEAKER_04 15:47

That's right.

SPEAKER_05 15:48

Be salt to this earth. He uses a lot of illustrations and parables. The only way that I can be a light is to have some oil in here somewhere.

SPEAKER_06 15:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 15:58

The more oil I have, the brighter light that I can be. If you only got a little bit of oil, then you only have a little bit of light.

SPEAKER_06 16:06

But that sounds so painful because you gotta be crushed. You gotta be the oil.

SPEAKER_05 16:10

And preachers don't preach this part. All we preach on is grace and peace and God bless you and prosperity, and this is your year. What if this isn't that person's year?

SPEAKER_06 16:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 16:22

What if God has actually assigned them some suffering?

SPEAKER_06 16:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 16:27

And I have to preach them. They have to learn endurance. Watch this. Watch this. This is the final part of this. You won't even walk in the authority and the character that God has for you until you learn to endure. He said, I learned to be content. Paul said, I had a lot, I had a little. I had to learn how to get to this space of, okay, God, I trust you. And this is what Paul said: as long as Christ is with me, I'm good. As long as he strengthens me, it don't matter what state I'm in. I'll be able to endure because he's with me. And whether I have a lot or little, we're okay with a lot. We can survive on a lot. We put plans together for a lot. But oh, but let us get to the part where it's just a little. And I don't know. That next paycheck is coming. I don't know what the diagnosis is going to be, what the labs are going to say. I don't know what the outcome is going to be at school.

SPEAKER_06 17:21

Now we question, is God real? Is he really with me?

SPEAKER_05 17:24

It tells me where your faith is. It tells me where your true faith is.

SPEAKER_06 17:28

Yeah. And because I don't know how you learn without going through. And my life, I try my best to learn from others. I do, but I think without really going through something, you don't really learn the lesson to where it gets down deep. And also every person I've ever met in my life that are wise, wise people, they have suffered a great deal. Right. That's how they got to that side where they're as wise as they are. So wow, that is just really profound. And I appreciate you sharing from such a vulnerable place because you just don't hear that. You don't see that, especially not from black men. So it really blessed me. All right. For the people who are young men, what would you say to a young person questioning this whole church thing? They're questioning this whole spiritual thing. What would you say to them to sort of guide them down the next right step?

SPEAKER_05 18:30

So the church thing and how to get them connected. I would be honest with them and tell them that the first thing that they really want to do is establish a relationship with the Lord. Trust or believe. And so if they want a relationship with our God and be saved because of the grace of Yeshua, they are saved by grace through trust, through faith, through belief or expectation or hope or confidence, whatever word you want to put in there for faith, I would tell them start there. It has to be personal. It has nothing to do with the building you go to or the title on the outside of the church, because if that's why you're going, if that's what you're getting into, then you're going to start how you finished. If that's how you started, because this is the church I want to be at, then that's not a relationship. I would encourage them, I'll crack open a Bible, read Colossians chapter three, Matthew chapter five, six and seven. One of my favorite chapters of the entire book, actually, is Philippians. Philippians chapter four is rich. Read that in a living Bible or any translation that makes it make sense to you, that that gets that thing down to the lowest common denominator. Here's the thing about the word of God: it's piercing, it's powerful, it's sharper than a two-edged sword. It will cut you. Get down to the intent and the motives of the heart. So they need to start with a true identity of who God is. Read his word, because the word will reveal. The second thing I'll tell them is this try to connect with somebody who can be your Paul. Timothy had Paul, Elijah had Elijah, the disciples all had Yeshua. We were meant to do this as a group in tandem. He sent them out two by two. This has to be done with people. Do not forsake gathering with people. Have nothing to do with a building. That may mean meeting up at the Starbucks with somebody once a month and having a mentor, somebody that you can talk to. It may mean getting on a phone call with an uncle and talking about your real struggles. Find somebody that's real. Find somebody who's not afraid to tell you like it is, hold you accountable, and love you regardless. That's the start. That's church right there.

SPEAKER_06 21:07

That's church. Endurance. How do they crack this endurance up?

SPEAKER_05 21:12

It's a simple answer. Consistency comes from habits or making way of something that becomes a priority. Again, anything that is a priority to you, you're going to focus on it. People go to the gym religiously because it's a priority. Some people who love to plant flowers religiously go outside and water the garden. It's a priority to them. They have to get to a place where when life comes at you with the trials and the doubts and the hesitations, that you you dig deep, you find that this is more than just, again, religion. Because when I fall in love with somebody, I'll endure. When I find myself making this a priority, I will endure. Most good relationships. Hold on because the person is a priority. Regardless of the struggle, regardless of the betrayal, regardless of the lies. And you said this, you did this, you don't treat me right. I'm not emotionally connected to you anymore. I don't like you anymore. Those marriages that I counsel endure because somewhere deep inside, you're still a priority to me. You make God a priority, you're going to be able to endure many trials. You'll be able to endure every heartache. You'll endure all the furnaces. Those three Hebrew boys that got tossed into the furnace, they had a relationship. They were able to put up with that fire because the relationship that they had. Most people can't endure because they don't have nobody to hold on to. He said, I am the way, I'm truth, I'm life. You can't get to God without me. Well, if you're not choosing him as way, choosing him as truth, choosing him as life, then you won't endure.

SPEAKER_06 23:04

But you have to start with habits.

SPEAKER_05 23:06

Yeah, absolutely.

SPEAKER_06 23:08

To build that muscle. Yeah, I love that. For those who may be listening to us, if they don't have an uncle, they don't have a brother, they don't have anybody to call up and go to Starbucks with to disciple them. How can they get in touch with you? What are your platforms? How can they access your TikTok? How can, if they're interesting in mentoring, get that from you, brother Ken?

SPEAKER_05 23:29

Question. I can be reached. It's the same handle for all my social media. It's K-E-N Ken underscore my last name, Dowdy. D as in David A-U-G-H-T-Y. That's Ken underscore Dowdy. Put that in any social media at Ken underscore Dowdy. I'll pop up and you'll see me. You can also reach me on our churches website, faithlove.site, faithlove.site. And then I also have a coaching platform or a consulting platform because you can reach me at at abundantly.site. www.abundantly.site. One final place you can reach me at is at my my books website, Walkby Faith Worldwide, and it's w dot site. The W B Y F just stands for walk by faith. W B Y F dot S-I-T-E. You can go to any of those platforms and find me. You can find me on Facebook, you can find me on Instagram, Twitter, TikTok, you can find me on LinkedIn, YouTube, wherever you can get on social media.

SPEAKER_06 24:44

Love it. Brother Ken, when you look towards the future, your career, your ministry, your family, all of that, what legacy are you intentionally building? And what do you hope that God continues forming in you?

SPEAKER_05 24:58

That's a good question. If I had my funeral today, I would hope that the legacy I left and what people would say is that he pushed people to faith, he pushed their faith, he challenged them to think differently. He wanted them to have a relationship with the Lord. Like a real relationship. If I could maybe even put a part B on that, uh I would want my son and my daughter to believe that they can accomplish anything they put their hearts to. This is not a dress rehearsal. We don't get a second chance at this. I don't get another 70 years, another 80 years. You only get one of these. And so I hope that I'm instilling in the two of them that you don't need anybody's permission to be successful. I don't need anyone's sign off. I don't need anyone's approval. I don't need to be ordained by anybody. I don't need no theology degree. I don't need the church council. All you need is Yeshua. And if he is for you, I don't know how anybody else can stand against you. That's what I hope to leave with them.

SPEAKER_06 26:04

Wow. What about for yourself? Love it. What an incredible God dream. A Christian Amazon.

SPEAKER_05 26:18

A Christian Amazon where Christians can come get books that aren't, and I'm gonna say it, I'm not ashamed to say it, I'm not afraid of anybody, where we're not pigeonholed by the Mardells of the world and the life ways of the world. I attempted to get my publishing company into Mardell's. I actually know of the owner, the Green family, and they have a rule, and they only work with big publishers. A local guy that went to church with you. It wasn't an opportunity. So I want to give every author an opportunity to get their the word out. I don't want to gatekeep, I don't want to pigeonhole. I see this company 10, 15 years from now, with two, three, four hundred authors with their books available at a very fair price, published through us, that they can get their word out. My e-commerce site, where we sell a lot of Christian t-shirts and sweaters and hoodies at WBYF.site that you can go to and say, wow, I'd rather shop here than shop at Amazon. Like that's the goal. I hope to have 10 trucks on the road in the next five years secured in a way that I can give back to the community, give back to Langston, give back to Star Spencer. We're not keeping all the money. If God blesses me with two, three, four million dollars, we'll live on two, three hundred of it. And the rest of it, we're creating endowments, we're creating foundations and funds for people to live. I talked about the homeless, I talked about whales in Africa, we talked about widows, like there are people out there struggling. Like you can drive down any street right now in America and people are homeless on the streets.

SPEAKER_06 27:53

Yeah, it's true.

SPEAKER_05 27:56

Why store britches here on earth? What's the point? What's the point of having the biggest house and three houses over here and four houses over there? When you have people starving in your family. Oh, you're gonna gain the whole world and your soul is rotten. Now I hope the legacy that I live with, my career, my life, my preaching, the platforms that we have creates a foundation that gives other people hope to be the best version of themselves.

SPEAKER_06 28:22

Beautiful, amazing, spectacular, brilliant, brilliant, brother Ken. This has been brilliant. And uh I always say there's only one individual I want to honor with everything I do, and that is to honor God. And I know that we've done that today. And I feel personally blessed because I got a word that I can take back for myself, a bunch of stuff that I can take back and research. I love these type of conversations where I feel like I've grown as an individual and I've taken back more that I can learn. So I appreciate you being so generous with your time as well. This has been beautiful. Any final words?

SPEAKER_05 29:02

Thank you for having me. You and your wonderful family. Thank you all for what you're doing. Thank you for getting the word out to people, giving them a different way to have church. Like this is church. Like they they get to sit and listen in a way that maybe is a little bit different, more compelling. I didn't beat them over the head with scriptures. We gave them scripture today. And I thank you for that. I thank you for even thinking about me. For those that want to go get the book, you can go pick it up on the WBYF.site platform. It's your pain has purpose, and I really hope that it blesses you.

SPEAKER_06 29:38

I know it will. Thank you so much for joining us on the Bernita Renee Relates Podcast. We have enjoyed you today, Brother Ken.

SPEAKER_05 29:45

Thank you so much.

SPEAKER_06 29:51

What I learned today was pain can shape you, but it doesn't have to define you. If you're willing to face it, one day you too may realize that what once hurt you no longer has any power over you. If this episode helped you or someone close to you, please like, share, subscribe, and follow me at for Bernita Renee Relates on Instagram and on YouTube, Facebook, and TikTok. You can follow me at Bernita Renee Relates. Thank you so much for listening. I love you for it. We'll talk soon.