Be Well: Sherry James explains the wealth we hold within.

In this episode, I’m joined by Sherry James. She’s a dynamic speaker, coach, and founder of Creating Mental Wealth TV and Phoenix Speaks, this is a timely conversation on building true mental wealth. Her insight, encouragement, and practical wisdom will challenge the way you think about mental health in the best way.

Disclaimer:

The content shared on the Bernitha Rena Relates Podcast is for informational and inspirational purposes only. It is not intended to be professional advice—legal, financial, medical, or otherwise. Any actions taken based on this content are at the listener’s own discretion and risk. We assume no liability. for Always consult with a qualified professional before making decisions that may impact your health, life or wellbeing. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:01

Welcome to the Bernita Renee Relates Podcast. I'm your host, Bernita Renee. Today I'm joined by Sherry James. She's a dynamic speaker, a speaking coach, and a true advocate for mental wellness. Through her work with Creating Mental Wealth TV and Phoenix Speaks, Sherry's helping people rethink mental health in a fresh and powerful way. Today, she's teaching us how to make more mental wealth deposits than debits.

SPEAKER_00 0:38

First of all, thank you so much for having me. I'm so excited to be on your podcast. I'm so excited. So thank you. Yeah, you're so welcome.

SPEAKER_01 0:46

I just feel so honored that you would come and be a part of the show. And I know we're gonna have a lot of great fun. So for those people who don't know about all the wonderful things that you do and your mission, can you tell us, Sherry, a little bit about who you are, what you represent, and what's important to you today?

SPEAKER_00 1:08

Absolutely. I can relate with the work that you do, and I'm excited to bring what we do to your platform. So I spent about 30 years, a little bit over 30 years in corporate America and various leadership roles. One of my titles is Project Management Professional. So I think that is still my life, no matter what. The more time I spent in corporate America, the more I realized that corporate professionals did not have a safe space. They were actually discouraged from talking about their mental health. The higher up the ladder you go, or the more money you make, the less people you can talk to about your mental health. And it just, I saw it break people. I watched it tear people down, people who were great leaders, great servant leaders, had great heart for other people. And so I decided about 2018 to do something about that. I've been a keynote speaker for pretty much most of my career. And I decided to start sneaking in some stuff in my keynotes about burnout, about making sure that you can see what burnout looks like in your team, and so that you can be proactive towards that. And so I thought people would give me a huge pushback and they didn't. I probably started that in 2016, to be true, because I was doing a lot of diversity conferences and people were talking about all things diversity. And I said, we also need to think about people who are sometimes disabled from a mental perspective. And those people, you don't know what they look like. And so I think I started like 2014, 2015, and 16 traveling on this diversity circuit, speaking at conferences to say, hey, when you're talking about diversity, make sure you're also thinking mental diversity. So that's kind of my start. Phoenix Speaks was born in 2019. So was my nonprofit. My nonprofit is 2020 Lives Changed Incorporated. Bernita, we were incorporated in October of 2019. If that is not a prophetic word from God, that the name of our nonprofit is 2020 Lives Changed. Because what happened to 2020?

SPEAKER_01 3:07

Right. And can you tell us a little bit about that? I know you've shared it with me personally, but you received a message, is that right? You felt something in your spirit about the name. Can you dive a little deeper into that?

SPEAKER_00 3:17

Absolutely. The speaking that I was doing was very fulfilling. I loved going to conferences and conventions and introducing people to this concept, creating mental wealth. But I noticed that children were also struggling, right? And so my son, who is about to start his senior year in high school, um sorry, I just like had a little mental breakdown there. Um, but I realized that even children were having a very difficult time articulating their mental health. So 2020 Lives Change was created so that I could take the same framework, the same methodology that says, hey, if you want to understand how to manage your money, use those same terms when it comes to managing your mind. And so that was the concept of creating mental wealth, mental wealth deposits, mental wealth withdrawals, having interest-bearing activities, a diverse portfolio. So these kinds of conversations were doing great in corporate America. And in 2020 Life Change, I decided to take it to organizations like sorority houses and college campuses so that I can do that same work. There was no pay for that. That was philanthropic, but that was probably the most rewarding because God showed me that these young women, especially in sororities, no one sent them off to college and told them, hey, that first breakup is gonna take you out. Like that first breakup's gonna be hard. Um, no one told them your friends that you were friends with your whole life may not speak to you in college, right? And so that's probably the most rewarding work that 2020 Lives Changed has done is provided the same services that we provided from Phoenix Speaks at no cost to the most vulnerable of us.

SPEAKER_01 4:58

That is absolutely beautiful. And you're so right. Sometimes some of the biggest sacrifices can be the most rewarding. I agree. You know, I spent many years doing all kinds of things for profit to make money for myself and my family. And most of the things that I've done for absolutely free, like this podcast, or things that cost me money, like this podcast, but giving back to people are the most rewarding. And God will use that and he will honor that work in many, many ways. So that is so beautiful. And so you talked about Phoenix Speaks. Can you tell us just a little bit more about that organization and what you do? Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 5:37

So we're based a little bit outside of Dallas, and I know a lot of people typically they're like, oh, you're in Phoenix. My company is named after the mythical bird, the Phoenix. Her story, as I understand it, is every 500 years she sets herself aflame so she can rise above the ashes. And our firm is our firm is created because maybe it wasn't 500 years, 30 years of corporate felt like 500. And what I had to do was get myself out of what I thought I was. I was this corporate leader, but not really. God had something bigger than that. And so I started off just monetizing my speaking engagements because I had always done them for free. And then I started creating an environment where other people could become speakers as well. So teaching them the things that I learned from Toastmasters, the things that I've learned just out of experience, like, oh, here, don't do that. I did it, right? And so Phoenix Speaks became the platform that we use to push out the creating mental wealth framework. So we've got other speakers that we represent. I'm not a speaker agency though, and I know that's kind of a thing. We do have other speakers that are Phoenixes, they're rising above their own ashes of whatever that is, and I'm coaching them and developing them and helping them to get their message spread. And also, we have a podcast. We have a podcast called The Creating Mental Wealth Show. We have 18 episodes already recorded. Initially, the plan was like, get it on Sun TV Network and it's gonna make all this money. God said, No. God said, throw them on YouTube, let them help people who would never meet you in any other circumstances. And so that's what we've done. So Phoenix Speaks is a speaker and consulting firm. We do go in and do workshops and coaching. And a lot of my clients, you'll never know my clients or my clients because I don't like putting their logos and their faces because what we do is kind of intimate. And teaching them how to be mentally wealthy, they don't necessarily want everyone to know that someone's helping them, you know, with their mental health. So yeah, so that's what we do. And I'm so blessed and honored to be able to be doing this since 2019. Yeah, and it's amazing.

SPEAKER_01 7:45

I've absolutely tuned into your YouTube channel and your YouTube show, and it's so great. And it's such an incredible platform, and I know you help so many people. I'm so glad that you mentioned that. You are this powerful woman, and you are just this, I'm gonna say a phoenix because you just are rising, you know, everywhere you go. Can you tell us about how you became this amazing person? Can you take us back to your younger years and what your life was like growing up?

SPEAKER_00 8:17

Absolutely. I do want to say that what I'm about to say is probably gonna sound real like vague, but in preparing for this podcast, I prayed about how I was going to answer it for questions like that. And I want to first say that if we haven't gone through a thing, if we haven't gone through pain and strife in our lives, then we don't recognize when we are a living blessing and we are living a testimony. And so my childhood was very tumultuous, it was very traumatic. I moved a lot, I was homeless a lot. My mother was a victim of the late 70s, early 80s crack epidemic. My dad served in Vietnam, came back very different. Subsequently, I lost both of my parents to suicide, and my life was very, very challenging. However, in addition to that, I do have people who loved on me like I was their family. They took me under their wing, they loved on me, adopted me, kind of right, not officially, but I was able to see what God's love looks like through strangers because they saw me as an only child with this scenario. God never left my side. And so, as traumatic as it might have been, and the fact that I lost both of my parents and the fact that I moved a lot and was homeless, all of that tales in comparison with the fact that God never left my side. I was supposed to be a statistic. I was supposed to end up dead before I was 20. I was supposed to end up on drugs and strung out somewhere, and that's not what God had for me. And so I want to say it was traumatizing, but I also want to say that it helped build a character of faith that I always knew that whatever was next was better than what had come. Whatever was next will be better than what had happened already. And that faith is what has propelled me to this time, to this space, to tell people we have everything we need to be mentally wealthy. Everything we need. It doesn't matter what happens with the dollar or the yen or that we have everything we need because I've had absolutely nothing and I made it. And I also made a great big salary at one point. And there was a different set of trauma that came from that. But God being there throughout all of it, my goal right now is telling people that I am a testimony loading. A testimony loading. What does that mean? It's a mindset, right? Okay. So I think people are like, yes, I had a testimony about what happened and how God brought me through and how my ancestors prayed me through, or whatever the belief system is. Yeah. But there's something different when you say, I'm a testimony loading. I'm not done yet. I can't tell just about the testimony that I have. I'm still loading, just like you download an app from the app store and you're like, oh, you gotta wait for it to load, gotta wait for it to load. I'm still loading. And having that kind of excitement about what's next in the midst of all the things. For example, I in the past not even seven days have had to be fully packed up, emergency move, fully packed up, fully moved in a new place and unpacked in less than six days. I struggle with PTSD. So moves are already traumatic. Emergency moves, not even don't want to talk about it. However, I made it and I'm here and I'm able to be on this podcast with you, like you probably wouldn't have even known that, right? So I'm just a testimony loading. It's still coming. The best of my story is yet to be told. And when you have that perspective, when you're like, am I a living testimony? Yes, but I'm also still loading. God is still working, He still has bigger and better things for me and those who can hear the sound of my voice, or even be able to respond to someone else who understands the creating mental wealth methodology. Because some of them are not Christian. It doesn't matter. Their testimonies are still loading.

SPEAKER_01 12:15

Absolutely. I love that you're taking your pass and you're saying my pass doesn't have to be my excuse, it's my reason why I continue to do more and give more. So I just think that's beautiful. But I really want to ask you a question, Sherry. And I'm gonna be honest, it's it's a selfish question. Because when you say I'm a testimony loading, that resonated with me so much. But how do you operate in your mind, right? How are you able to keep your positive mindset when you know you're a testimony loading, but the people around you maybe are like, what are you doing? Yeah, you are Sherry James, you had this dynamic corporate career, you were making all this money, you were in every sense of the word, successful, and now you are moving on, you're doing these conferences, you're speaking for free, nobody's paying you a dime. You know the Lord has a plan, you know he's doing things in your life every single day. But for those people who are testimony loading, and they know that, but the people around them, they are just like, What are you doing? What would you tell somebody?

SPEAKER_00 13:38

Three things, three things that I would respond to that person with. One, your testimony is your testimony, and no one around you is meant to see it. And so I believe that in this parent society, everybody wants to show up and show out. And like, let me show you what God did for me. It's not for them, it's for you. So I'm gonna start with that, right? So that is one of the reasons I think so many of us struggle with our mental health, is because we went from nobody talking about mental health at all to everybody sharing everything everywhere, right? My second point is you utilize the creating mental wealth framework. When I wake up in the morning, my phone doesn't even charge in my room, my phone is in a different room. As soon as I wake up in the morning, I'm like, okay, Lord, you woke me up today. Okay, so I feel like a million bucks because I woke up and I put that on a piece of paper, woke up, million dollars. I need that one, zero, zero, zero comma. That it's a thing. I am in a safe place. I have a roof over my head. That's worth another million dollars. I write that down. Million dollars. My daughter, who's at this point right now, she's 36 years old. She has a master's degree in nursing. She is doing an amazing job in her career. That's another million dollars. My son is about to start his senior year in high school. By the time I get out of bed, I am a multimillionaire. So when I get up and go drive my son to school, is somebody gonna cut me off? Is somebody gonna do something silly on the road? Absolutely. But I'm already up. I'm already up 15 million. So if somebody cuts me off in traffic, I'm gonna be like, I'm not gonna let that be a mental wealth withdrawal for me. So what happens is people watch me do that. People are like, Why didn't you did you see what that car just did? I mean, I did, but I'm not gonna let it impact my mental wealth. So that's how it shows up for me every single day. If something bad happens, it is it really bad? How can I look at it to make it positive? Because God doesn't want me to be in pain. He doesn't want me to live with a spirit of fear. So when people talk to me about my mindset, the third point is I utilize this word pronoun. Have you heard of this word before? I have not. Pronoya. My favorite word, like favorite word of all time. Okay. So you know what paranoia is, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So paranoia is kind of the fear that something bad is gonna happen, right? Or fear that all bad things are gonna happen. Pronoya says the universe is conspiring for my good.

SPEAKER_01 16:13

Oh my goodness, I love it. Pronoya is, you know what?

SPEAKER_00 16:17

I need tires, for example. Um, we don't have booty tires. Tires are expensive right now. But as soon as it's time for me to get tires, I will get them. It's gonna be perfect. The price is gonna be great, the timing is gonna be amazing, it's gonna be right in the nick of time. I know that, so I'm not gonna worry about it. Pronoya is saying the universe transpires for my good. And when you talk about that around people, people are like, Oh, Sherry, you have to move. But this is a much better space for me for this new season of life. And so people start listening to you and they watch you, and you're like, Why is she always so positive? Look, it gets on people's nerves, Brittany, but some people they're like, Yeah, I'm trying to make you sad and you won't go for it, because it's a different season of life. Pronoya is a thing that gives us the power over negative energy.

SPEAKER_01 17:06

Yeah, and it's not like you're stuffing your feelings down or acting like someone didn't cut you off. What you're saying is I'm acknowledging that the person cut me off and what they did was wrong. However, I'm gonna choose that I'm not gonna let it take a deposit from everything that has been deposited into me this morning, my millions of dollars. I'm not gonna let that take from me. Oh my goodness. I'm starting it today. I'm all about pro noia today. Pro noia, pro, am I saying it right? Pro noia. Pronoia. So is it the opposite of paranoia or no?

SPEAKER_00 17:43

I don't think so. Think if you say the opposite of paranoia, people are like, oh, I'm not afraid of stuff. It's not it. Pro, pro, think proactive, right? I am choosing to say that the universe has already worked it out for me. It's everything that's happening, it's supposed to be happening, and it's happening for my good. And do you see results from that thinking? Oh my gosh. Listen, I was I was gonna say, let me tell you an example. Okay, okay. So around my birthday, I went to dinner with some friends of mine, and I introduced them to this word pronoun. And they were like, What, Sherry? You just you come up with the strangest stuff, whatever. And so it was cold, Dallas. It was cold, it wasn't really cold, but you know, cold for us. And we were having dinner at this restaurant, and oh, let me say this. I don't allow people to have their phones on when we're at a dinner. Like if we're in each other's presence, phones down, whatever. So at some point, everybody's phones lit up from the back. Everybody got like a text at the same time, and they turned their phones over and they were like, Oh, valet is closing. And I'm like, Oh, and I didn't get a text though, right? And everybody's like, You didn't get a text? And I'm like, it's fine. I didn't even give my number to the ballet guy. I just gave him my keys and told him he had a great accent. And I walked in. And they were like, Oh my goodness, Sherry, you didn't register your car, you didn't put your phone number in, they probably stole your car, they're probably on their way to California, right? And I'm just like, actually, my car is going to be parked right out front. It's going to already be on and warm, and you're gonna see my car before you see anybody else's. And literally, my friends were like, Did she drink something? Like, what is going on? I promise you, and I will give you the number to all my friends who were there. We walked out the door, my car was parked right in front. The guy was standing there with the door open, and I'm like, that's what pronounia is. I am only speaking the best, the best of the best of the best. Y'all gonna have to go walk for y'all's car. Mine is gonna be in the front. Gotcha. And so that's an example, an example of like not only is it gonna be okay, it's gonna be better than okay. And here specifically is how it's going to look.

SPEAKER_01 20:01

Wow. So you're you're speaking these things into existence into your own life. And are you feeling like, do you then just give it away? Like, if it turns out, it turns out, if it don't, it don't. Okay. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 20:18

Well, because it always does, though, Renitha. That's the thing. Maybe I can't see it in that moment. Okay. Maybe I can't in the middle of it understand that this is the way it's supposed to be. But because I take an account every single day and I go back and I wake up and I'm like, okay, yesterday was a negative six million dollar day. Yesterday a whole bunch of withdrawals happened that I did not approve of. But maybe three days later, I'm like, oh my goodness, had I not moved from that place when I moved from that place, I would be sick because whatever. Like, so you just have to kind of wait. It always comes back and it shows itself up like God is like, I was there. Had I not taken you from that situation, you would not be ready for the work that I have planned for you. Had I not pulled you out of corporate America where you were making all this money and traveling and finding jets and doing all that, had you not done that, had you still been there, your mental health would have been impacted so much more negatively than now, as a disabled person, my only job is to take care of my mental health every day, first and foremost. And when I do that, I can pull into other people, right? I can now spread that pro noya love around other people because they're like, how is she? She's in and out of a wheelchair. Like what I've got a debilitating back disorder. But a lot of times people see me, they won't know because I'm like, okay, Lord, I gotta walk in here and own this room. And he's like, I got you. He went before me and behind me.

SPEAKER_01 21:45

So oh my goodness, that's amazing. So did you leave corporate America because of your back disorder?

SPEAKER_00 21:53

No, ironically. So let's talk about how our mental health impacts our physical health.

SPEAKER_01 21:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 21:58

And my position was eliminated. In 2020. Okay. So my position being eliminated was 100% because of the pandemic. It wasn't because it's me. However, I did realize that my back pain became so much worse when I started to do the work on myself and talk about the trauma that I experienced. Because most people in my life had no idea that my dad died by suicide and then my mom died, you know, no one knew. I never talked about it. So once I started going to therapy in 2016, which is when I got divorced, I started going back and peeling back the onion layers of all the things that had happened as a child. And the more I healed from my mental trauma, the more my body started to fall apart. Isn't that interesting? Yeah. And so it's also interesting. There's a book called The Body, I think the body keeps the score, the body knows the score. But one of the things that I realized is that, and I did research, that a lot of young women or a lot of women who suffered trauma, sexual trauma as a child, end up with back pain because my whole life I'd stored all of the trauma that I'd carried around with me in my back. And as I started to like let those things go, it shows that I was already at a stage five degenerative disc disease where I didn't, I didn't have time for a bad back my life. Like I had a kid at 18 and was working in corporate. And then 19 years after she was born, I had another kid. But I'm like, I don't have time for back pain. I don't have time for back problems. I gotta keep it moving.

SPEAKER_03 23:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 23:33

Um, and so it's interesting that my back pain, I'm sure, was always there, but that's how we are as women. That's why I'm so excited about the work that we're doing, right? We need to know what's coming. And sometimes the pain and the physical ailments, we don't even have time to take care of them because we're so busy taking care of our children and our jobs and our houses and our spouses. And at some point, God slows you down to go, hey, it's now time to work on you. And you realize that, man, I've been having this back pain forever. But I just I didn't have time.

SPEAKER_01 24:03

Like, and I've read that sometimes once you start to be in a place where you feel safe, yes, then the body's like, okay, you're safe, you're no longer in fight or flight mode. Now it's time for me to break down, right? Yeah. When I was trying to figure out my own body, I took some uh time off from work as well and just was like, why am I always sick? Like I got the pink eye, I just all these random things started happening. What's the matter with me? And yeah, so you taking a step back or being forced to take a step back because you said you were laid off, and then you started to really focus on your own healing, and that's when it started to really show up, and you started to see, yeah, I've got this serious back pain. And so are you saying that eventually you became a fully legally disabled person due to the back injury?

SPEAKER_00 24:52

Oh wow, yes, actually, as of 2020, between the PTSD diagnosis, that believe it or not, it did not come from my childhood. The PTSD diagnosis came from the trauma that I experienced just through life, just going through life. And so when I went to the doctor, they did an MRI, and the guy was like, Were you just in a car accident? Wow. I was like, No, he's like, you have like no discs between your vertebrae, like are you walking? Yes, but he's like, and of course, you know, I walked in, I was like, you know what I mean? How you doing? He was like, I don't understand how you're not like completely bowled over, right? So, like when it's cold and it's raining, some days I can't get out of bed. But yes, I've been disabled since 2020, which I believe had I not been identified as disabled, I would still be trying to work and do all the things. And it would have killed, like I would not have been able to have this conversation with you today. It took someone to say, ma'am, you're not okay. I know you look like you're okay and you're walking around like you're okay and you're not. And here are the things you need to do in order to have a quality of life for the rest of your life. And so being disabled, it was hard because you know what, we're prideful people. I don't want to show up and be like, I'm disabled, or I need a wheelchair to get through the airports now, like every airport. And God is definitely working on my pride, right? Sometimes God has to put you in a position where you're like, okay, I'm in the elevator in a wheelchair. You know what I mean? Like, y'all know me. But it's like, don't look, don't look down, don't look over. So it also helps me to support and speak to the disabled community in a way that I wasn't able to do before. Because now, being in this space, I can empathize with some of the challenges that impact disabled people specifically. Can you tell us a little bit about that? Yeah, I mean, there's such a loneliness, someone who's been able-bodied and been able to move around. And again, I love speaking. So I love walking up on stage. I used to love being in my high heels, right? But I now realize because a portion of my team, they're disabled. So people that volunteer with me right now, I have people who are on the spectrum, I have people who are physically disabled. And as the chief experience officer, I have to understand what each of those people's experience is like. So we can't do a traditional Zoom with people typing in a chat because my person who has a disability, if you're typing in the chat and his machine is also telling him everything that everyone's saying, he can't comprehend that. So as a result, that's making me a better leader, understanding how to identify the challenges of a person who is differently abled, right? One of the speakers that I'm promoting right now, Chris Loriano, I'm gonna say his name because I'm so proud of what he's done over the past year. He is autistic. He has struggled with us, he has Asperger syndrome. But I have coached him in the last year to become an amazing keynote speaker. And he just did his first keynote a couple of weeks ago and he nailed it. Like he completely, totally nailed it. But he would never have done that before. He would never have gotten on a stage. And so I think that's it. Like being in a place where you understand that people think that you're unseen, they don't want to talk to you because you look different or because you act different or because you have a diagnosis. Being disabled doesn't mean that I am broken. It means that I am differently abled and I can now empathize with people who, you know, have a different experience in life than I do. So my servant's heart says, How do I make this just as comfortable for Daniel, who is blind, and Chris, who is on the spectrum. I want to make sure that whatever course and program we develop, I want to make sure that everybody can experience the same thing from it. And I don't know that I had that perspective before.

SPEAKER_01 28:48

Wow, that's really powerful. What a lesson to be learned, how your work can make you think outside of the box, depending upon who you're working with. That's amazing. So I do want to pivot a little bit. You talked a lot about your kids and just all the great things that they are doing in their lives right now. Can you talk to me about how your children have inspired you, especially in the work that you do now?

SPEAKER_00 29:13

Yeah. So this is a tough part of the conversation because as proud as I am of both of my children, currently, and hopefully by the time this airs, this is no longer an issue. But currently, my daughter and I do not communicate. We are estranged. And I don't necessarily know why. I can only assume, but I know that it's very difficult to watch her little brother grow. Because mind you, when I found out I was expecting, she was on the way to college. Yeah. So I had like two only children, right? So my daughter, from the time when she was little, she always wanted to be a nurse. And I was so excited about that for a couple of reasons. One, my mother worked at a time before she passed away, of course, as a nurse. And my daughter didn't really get to know my mom. And then I went to nursing school and I didn't finish because when my mother passed, I had to do some different things with life, you know. So watching my daughter walk across the stage at Southern University in Basson Rouge, Louisiana, to get her bachelor's degree in nursing. It's a moment that I just I'll never forget. And I remember when she got off the stage, I was like, hey, I always thought I was supposed to be a nurse, but God just prepared me so that I could bless you with this. She went out to get her master's degree. She works in a different state. I'm so proud of her. She is brilliant. She is one of those who always wants to keep learning. But I also realized that I was homeless when I got pregnant with her. Her life was very different than the life that my son had after I got married, right? And I realized how hard that must be for her to see her little brother growing up in the suburbs in a great school district. He went to elementary, middle, and high school. They're all right in the same neighborhood. All his friends are the same. She didn't experience that. So I love my daughter. I really miss her. It's one of the things that I pray about every single day, is that someday before my funeral that I get to see her and hopefully mend or at least begin a new relationship with her. My son, God knew exactly what I need, I needed because I understand the male psyche a little bit more than I thought I did before. Having a son changes your mind about men. Interesting. It really does. I mean, because there are certain things that he does or doesn't do or whatever, that I'm like, oh, you're just born this way. Like I thought men made these choices to do certain things, but I know you know better because I taught you better, but you still do the thing, whatever. But also, my son is a very wise soul. And so my son prays over me. My son's friends pray over me and with me. My son speaks to me in God's voice every day. He's like, God doesn't want you to live in this spirit of fear, right? Stop saying that you were a terrible mom. You did the best that you could with my daughter and with me. So his sweet and gentle spirit is so amazing. And it's interesting to know what love feels like from a male unconditionally. Like my son loves me unconditionally. But I also don't expect any other man to love me unconditionally. It's almost like in hindsight, I was looking for something that would never exist. No one's going to love me like God loves me, and my son loves me like God loves me. So my children have helped kind of round out this experience so that I can have someone that I'm like, I love my daughter. I did everything I could to give her the best life that I could. And I love my son, and I'm doing everything I can to make sure I give him the best life that I can. So it's kind of this like parallel distance of like, as a mom, I gotta still make sure I pray for them and look out for them. But they're also, you know, a very big part of who I am because I didn't want either of their lives to be like mine when I was a child. So and I don't know if what we went through was traumatic for my daughter. And I would imagine and apologize for the fact that I decided to heal out loud and just put all of my stuff out there and be like, hey, here's what's happening, here's what was going on when I was a child. And and so that automatically put her in the spotlight that she didn't ask for. She didn't ask for her mom's life story to be plastered all over magazines and websites. And so I apologize for that. You know, I hope that it does not have a negative impact on her. I did talk to my son proactively. I'm like, hey, this is what I do. Are you okay with talking about it? And he's like, mom, go heal the world. That's what you're supposed to do. Right. And I do understand that I didn't get that permission from my daughter.

SPEAKER_01 33:58

So you're saying that while you did talk to your son prior to you sort of coming out with all of your history and things that you've gone through, you hadn't sat down with your daughter and talked about what your plans were. Yeah, we were probably pretty estranged even at that point. Even at that point. Yeah. Did she know about your history with your parents? Not all of it.

SPEAKER_00 34:21

Not all of it. No. Did not. She did not. I thought I was protecting her by not telling her. We did therapy only back in 2016 or 17 or something. And I tried to kind of say, here's the story, here's what's happening. And I don't think she she just wasn't receptive at the time, right? It was a lot for her to try to all at once.

SPEAKER_01 34:43

All at once, right? Okay. So a lot of the things that you're so open about now, maybe she found out with the rest of the world. Absolutely. Right. So growing up, you weren't saying, you know, these are the things that I had to experience. Okay. I see. I see. And so do you also think perhaps she has some resentment for the stability of her brother's life compared to hers? Or as you put it, you know, you said he's been going to the same school all those years, and I don't know what her situation was. But do you think there's a little bit of resent? I'm sure she loves her brother. She does. Oh my gosh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 35:21

And I can't speak for her. You know what I mean? Right. I don't, I don't know. I hope not. But if so, I understand it. It makes sense. But I can't go back. One of the other things about the creating mental wealth framework is I can only manage today's balance sheet. That's right. I can't go back 18 years or 30 years in her case, right? I I can't. Those things have happened and the things are done. All I can do is from today on try to be the best mother I can be to both of my children. On her birthday, I sent her a text message and she responded, which was amazing. Like it made my whole week. And so I'll take it. I'm okay with it, right? Because very soon I will be an empty nester. And I need to know what my purpose is on this planet when the role of mother full time is not on my plate. Right. And I think that when I say testimony loading, that's what I mean. Like I will be able to say I raised two children and they are both successful in their lives. And now I get to work on me and I get to travel the world and teach them how to be mentally wealthy without saying, hey, I got a PTA meeting tomorrow at 7 a.m. Yeah. No, that's what I mean when I say testimony loading. And that my children will have a story to tell about what their mom went through to build this platform to save lives. And hopefully I'll leave a legacy that both of them will be proud of.

SPEAKER_01 36:42

Absolutely. You already are. You already are. And it's so interesting because I'll be honest, always very critical of my parents, mostly my mom. I don't know why that is. For whatever reason, the mom takes the hardest hits. But uh, but you know, since I'm a mom now myself, and I understand so much more that my mom is a real person and nobody's perfect. Just like you said, she did the best she could of what she knew. Looking back on it, I'm very proud of my mom. When I think about the things that she went through and she endured, and she still managed to raise well-rounded kids despite so many things that she never had, was never taught, just so many things. So I feel like now, as I've gotten older, I have so much more respect for my mom and appreciation for her as a person. But also, I I gotta be honest, I think most of that came with having my own kid and really Yeah, you know what? This mom stuff, this not like on these commercials at all. And so it gave me a lot more openness to give her more grace because there's been times where I'm like, with my own kid, like, oops, I didn't do that right. You know, like hope she's not messed up from that, you know. So yeah, so yeah, I get that. I understand that it's one of the toughest jobs in the world. So, you know, well done you for just saying, you know what, daughter, you process however you need to process, I'll be here.

SPEAKER_00 38:25

And no one in the world will ever love my daughter the way I do. Um and nothing she can do will ever change that. And the same applies for my son. So there's a comfort in that.

SPEAKER_01 38:36

Yeah, yeah. So I want to know, Miss Sherry, for the people who have people in their lives that they are comfortable in their pain, what would you say to those people who see people they love who are struggling, but they don't want to move past their pain. They would rather live in it or sit in it. How would you help those people, the people who are watching other people struggle?

SPEAKER_00 39:06

So thanks for that question. It's a very, very good question. And it's one that we need to ask each other more often. And I can only give you my experience and my opinion because I'm not a clinician, right? I'm not licensed to work in that space. So this is just as a black woman speaking, right?

SPEAKER_01 39:24

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 39:25

I will say that everyone's journey is different, and so what you just described, like the person that's just sitting in their pain and they're just not ready to process, that was me for my entire life. That was me my whole life. So I now in this space cannot judge someone for being where I was the first 40 years of my life. Right. Okay. I'm 53 right now. This healing thing is real.

SPEAKER_01 39:55

You're 53? I'm 53. Okay. I just had to stop and pause on that. Like, wait a minute, I don't believe it. Okay, I'm sorry. Move on.

SPEAKER_00 40:04

Thank you. No, but so the first 40 years of my life, that was me, Bernita. I was that person who would not go back and handle my trauma. I would not talk about my pain. I didn't even want to discuss how my pain and my trauma showed up every day as a wife, how it showed up every day as an employee, how it showed up every day as a leader of people. I don't have time to do that. I gotta do these other things. So all I can say is offer grace and be comfortable and be soft with people. And when it's time for them to process, they will process. When it's time for them to heal, they will heal. My question to ask people when I text them if I want to check on them, because I can always call and have a two-hour conversation. Yeah, yeah. Most of the time, if I call you, we're gonna be on the phone for two hours. But now I might not call you for another six months. But I will text you and say, how's your heart? Two questions. One, how's your heart? And everybody knows that you can't give me some BS response, like, fine, now I'm gonna FaceTime you. Now I gotta look you in your face. Now I gotta put my eyes on, right? Um, and the second question is, how can I pray for you? How can I pray for you specifically? Okay. Because people be like, yeah, yeah, I'm gonna pray for you. No, I'm gonna tell you what I need prayer for. Like, I need prayer for these tires, I need prayer for the oil change, I need prayer, right? And so those two things help anybody at any level of healing. If they're at the very beginning, if they've never started, if they're already in the process, those two questions help show that I am here for you. I am concerned for you. How is your heart? People will sometimes will say, My heart is heavy. How can I help lift your heart? What can I do? Do you want to go out and have brunch? Let's just go swimming. And so I think that's it. And maybe the third thing, and this I got from Chris Loriano, our newest speaker at Phoenix Speaks, but be comfortable being uncomfortable. Oh, what does that mean? So let's say you, let's say you call me one day and you're like, hey Shiri, how's it going? We're gonna have a meeting to prepare for the next thing, whatever. And I just burst into tears on the phone. Like I just start crying because I just I've reached that point. That would make you uncomfortable. Like, what am I supposed to? Why are you crying? Like, what are we, what's even happening? Sitting in that moment, knowing that there's nothing you can do to fix it, it wasn't your fault. Sit for a moment and be like, hey, I'm here with you. I'm here. It's okay to have that moment of uncomfortable silence so that I can get through my moment of stress and trigger and whatever, whatever took me there. Being comfortable in a moment to just be like, I'm here.

SPEAKER_01 42:40

Oh, I mean, I love that. I love that for the person who's on the other side, comforting their loved one. But I also love that for the individual going through it, because that's something that you know, even when you have a little kid and the kid's crying and you're saying, It's okay, you don't have to cry, everything's okay. You dry your tears to be like, hey, you hurt yourself, it hurt. Yes, absolutely. Yes, yeah, cry. If you need to cry, cry, let it out, let it out. But yeah, it's like we're conditioned to just move past it as fast as you can. And I understand what you don't want to stay in it. I understand that. But why can't we be comfortable with the uncomfortable? And I think it's because we're taught to do the opposite, right? And so you're saying give yourself the opportunity to just be uncomfortable and as people supporting others, learn to, and that's where I gotta work on because I'm a fixer, I want to fix the problem. Learn to just sit with it. Yeah, I'm here for you, whatever you need, just cry it out. I don't have to fix it, you don't have to tell me about it. Well, you can just cry and get off the phone if that's what you're doing. If that's what you need, yeah. Wow. That is that's I mean, you've given a lot of amazing nuggets, but I'm taking that vacuum for myself. That's amazing. So, Miss Sherry, what do you want to leave people with? Anything that's on your heart, one final thought you'd like to leave us with.

SPEAKER_00 44:22

The thought I'd like to leave us with is it really is okay. Um comparatively so. Becoming mentally wealthy is something that once you know how to do it, no one can take it from you. It's the one wealth that cannot be taken from you under any circumstances. And so once you learn how to balance, and it's that's the keyword, balance. If it's been a negative five million dollar mental wealth day, I know what my mental wealth deposits are. So I know that I have to rearrange my schedule and rearrange my life to make more deposits so that I balance out. And that's not a one-time thing. Doesn't happen one time a day. You have to do it constantly and consistently, but there is a way to be mentally wealthy, and it doesn't mean you're not gonna cry, not gonna scream and shout and throw things and you know, cuss sometimes. I cuss a lot. Right, but I know that I am like I'm human. Know that creating your own mental wealth is something that artificial intelligence cannot take from you. Okay, it's something that technology can't have. It's the one thing that AI wants is to have the soul of a human being because we can change, we can make choices in a moment to make ourselves mentally wealthy. And so that's what I'd like to leave your listeners with.

SPEAKER_01 45:46

Oh my goodness, beautiful, just amazing. I want to say thank you so very much for spending this time with us. It has been extraordinary. Thank you. Wow, this conversation with Sherry James is both practical and eye-opening. Her perspective on mental health gave us so many incredible ways to think about protecting our peace and strengthening our well-being. I really hope this episode leaves you feeling inspired to be more intentional about your own mental health and mental wealth every single day. And please remember to follow me on Instagram at for Bernitha Renee Relates and Facebook, YouTube, and TikTok at Bernita Renee Relates. And of course, like, subscribe, and share this podcast anywhere you listen to your podcast. Thank you so much for listening. I love you for it. We'll talk soon.

SPEAKER_03 46:48

What's been done is done again.

SPEAKER_02 47:03

Yeah, we love, we love, we make this text, twenty life on one left, we love, we love, we make this, twenty life on one life, let's contest the same, just if I'm template, can we let's contemplate?