Talk Rich To Me

Change On A Dime

• Ysenia Rhodes • Episode 2

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On today's episode of Talk Rich To Me, we delve into the story of our dear friend Tabitha, whose financial journey suddenly changed when her husband died unexpectedly. Tabitha's story is raw and powerful. We hope you learn from our guest who shares so freely to help others.

Talk Rich to Me is a production of Huntress Wealth. On each episode, we explore the human side of finance. For more chill takes on finance subscribe to our newsletter at https://www.huntresswealth.com/.

Speaker:

Hi, is welcome to Talk Rich to Me. Where we explore the human side of finance, we are your co-hosts, Ysenia Rhodes and Stephanie Guttman, co-founders of Hunters Wealth........... This is Yesenia. On today's episode, we delve into the story of my dear friend Tabitha, whose financial journey suddenly changed when her husband died unexpectedly. Tabitha's story is raw and powerful. We hope you learn from our guests who shares so freely to help others.

ysenia:

I would like to start off by just asking every person that is on our show, how they got here and how they specifically got in this chair. Mm-hmm. So maybe people won't always be sitting in the same room, but I'm so lucky to have you in the same room with me.

tabitha:

Oh, thank you Nia. Same here.

Podcast S1E2:

Same here. Um, yeah, I just got

tabitha:

with my neighborhood. I, moved I'm from Portland, Oregon and I moved after my husband. Josh passed away in a freak accident. He was 42 at the

Podcast S1E2:

at the time.

tabitha:

So major life disruption and I needed a change of scene, narrowed down where I could live to anywhere with central time, better weather than Portland, and at least one person I knew. And that made the decision of Austin pretty easy. I have three cousins that live here. Got into this neighborhood and met you and have been talking about this concept with you pretty much since we met.

ysenia:

Yeah, I know. It's super exciting. I'm happy that you're here. I know that one thing that I love that you say is you were fresh off the Subaru, fresh

tabitha:

off the Subaru, and

ysenia:

as the person that I am I still driving it to you while you

Podcast S1E2:

you just got off. The Subaru still driving

tabitha:

my expired Oregon plates that the constable has assured me I cannot get pulled over for So conversation come and get me, Texas.

Podcast S1E2:

Texas. Yeah.

tabitha:

I

Podcast S1E2:

I got permission

tabitha:

constable at the neighborhood night out event, which is just such a Texas event by the way. We don't do things like that in Oregon. You were first responders. Come police. Firemen fire people, EMTs and you get to

Podcast S1E2:

to

tabitha:

them, tour their vehicles. It was amazing. But I met the constable and I was like, can I just double check this law breaking with you right now? And you let me know if it's okay or not.

ysenia:

It was

tabitha:

also the constable that asked me and my, um, longtime best friend and Rumi Morgan, who's a woman also in her forties. What the nature of our relationship was.

ysenia:

Did he

Podcast S1E2:

he ask just like that? Yes.

tabitha:

He goes, so what exactly is the nature of you two's relationship?

ysenia:

Wow. Only in Texas. Only in Texas. Would someone be so forthright to be

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be like,

ysenia:

are

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are you guys lesbians?

ysenia:

Let's cut to the chase. Are you guys in a

Podcast S1E2:

a relationship together?

tabitha:

It definitely confuses people, our relationship, because we, neither of us have kids. I was married, obviously Morgan is not married and hasn't been married. We're college roommates back living together in our mid forties. We both work, we have, full lives. But I

Podcast S1E2:

I think

tabitha:

being independent women and living together and not really meeting a man, um, or a partner, it's confusing to people. It's also so freeing. Like they, it's so freeing. They made

ysenia:

an eighties and nineties sitcom over this. Yes. As as there should have been. I think

tabitha:

on our good nights we're living, we're living in a sitcom for sure.

ysenia:

Are you living in the Golden Girls? A little bit. It's my favorite.

tabitha:

Yeah, for sure. I mean, I've

ysenia:

gone to happy Hour and dinners with you guys, so I'm happy to be part of the group. You

tabitha:

can be, you can be our, um. You can be our blanche. How about that?

ysenia:

Oh my goodness. Because we can't agree on

tabitha:

who would be blanche. Not for sure. I would be Dorothy

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you

tabitha:

or someone. Morgan has called Dorothy.

ysenia:

Oh gosh. Okay, now, now we know that. So thanks for,, sharing your story of how you got here. We're all here to

Podcast S1E2:

to listen

ysenia:

the stories of the human side of finance and we know that clearly coming off of your story, you chatted about the death of your husband and what a sudden change that was to you in your life and how you then came to Austin, But I think there's a lot of people that could learn from that story and may not want to share. So I just want to thank you again for wanting to share such an impactful story for so many people's lives. You're so welcome. How did you handle finances when you were married? With Joseph? Mm-hmm.

Podcast S1E2:

Mm-hmm.

tabitha:

Josh did everything for us in terms of money management.

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Our long-term financial goals.

tabitha:

we had a very clear plan. The plan that we called it, I'll probably talk about the plan a lot during this, and we were constantly working together toward that plan. I manage more of the kind of traditional things that women tend to manage. I did a lot of the cooking. I did all the grocery shopping. I handled the bills for the house. Um, getting the mortgage paid, but anything related to our financial strategy was something that Joha owned and I

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think.

tabitha:

for me it

Podcast S1E2:

it was just

tabitha:

I was never that interested in and it kind of freaked me out a little bit to be involved in the money stuff. And so he naturally was good at it and I just kind of let him do it. He. Did express over the years that he wished I would've taken a more active role. Um, it was something we talked about a lot in our

Podcast S1E2:

in our

tabitha:

and my therapist says that in a marriage it's perfectly typical for certain skills that one partner has to shine, and then the other partner's skills in that area. My atrophy. So for me, I think of it as I had kind of arrested development from the time I was 26 when I met Josh. She. Until he passed away and I was basically coming into the world born, you know, reborn and needing to learn all these things that I hadn't had to work on throughout our marriage.

ysenia:

Yeah. And I

Podcast S1E2:

I think that's a very.

ysenia:

like, just so you know, I don't think that's like very atypical, even though we're starting this con, this whole, you know, situation or this whole company based on empowering women to take control of their finances, right? Mm-hmm. But I think that, it's very normal for someone to have. Of more of a say or to not want to participate. Right. Like, I don't think that's a

Podcast S1E2:

that's a bad

ysenia:

either. Right. I think it's just knowing what, knowing what's going on around you mm-hmm. Is really important. Yes. And I'm, did you know what was going on, at all when,

tabitha:

no. So I knew, I mean, we had a really healthy marriage, so we would talk about things and I had, I had, I would say I had vague ideas of what was going on, you know? But what I discovered after he died is that the, the assets were just distributed all over the place. For one thing, thank goodness we had bought a house. Let's see, we bought a

Podcast S1E2:

a house six

tabitha:

before he died. It was our first purchase of a home, so we needed to get, our financial ducks in a row for that. So we created this spreadsheet to keep track of where all

Podcast S1E2:

all of our assets were. That became.

tabitha:

Just my North Star, following his death because I really didn't know. And in addition to that, Josh show worked in information security. He ran his own information security consulting company. He was very, uh, rigorous about password control and things like that. So I wouldn't have even had a way to access or know where to even look basically. I think it probably would've been different if we had been older, but no one expects to die in a freak accident at 42. I, I don't think he did. Um, and so, you know, having, uh, some type of inventory proved really valuable for me. We were on a trip in Italy when he passed away, and one of the first things on our to-do list after we got home was to set up a living trust because our friends had just done it. We had researched it. We thought this is a great way to manage things so that should something happen, it's gonna be easier for the surviving partner, or if both of us die for the surviving family members and. You know, we obviously didn't make it to that to-do list item, but we had started thinking about more, I think, collaborative strategic planning, thinking about mortality, frankly, and how we would wanna set things up if something happened to us. We just really hadn't gotten there. Yeah. Yeah.

ysenia:

I think

Podcast S1E2:

that, I

ysenia:

I can say that that's, unless you have kids, right, which you do, you don't have kids. Um, for those people wondering, um, I feel like at 40 something, why would you have, or like at 30 something, you're not necessarily thinking about setting anything up, right? You're like, yes. You're like, okay. It just automatically goes to my spouse. Right.

tabitha:

Um, a lot of the incentive for the kind of earlier, more proactive planning is when you have kids or you have a big financial decision coming. Like when we figured out, you know, when we bought our

Podcast S1E2:

our

tabitha:

for us, we didn't have dependents. I think that makes a huge difference. I would say. I'll just really quickly though, some advice I might give. It really depends on your state. Probate laws are different state by state. Even when

Podcast S1E2:

you're married,

tabitha:

it's very complex going through probate. I'm not a lawyer, but I think a living trust is always a good idea because there will be things you have to do in the frame of mind that you're least capable or able to do them. That would be made much easier by some type of advanced planning, like a living trust. That's

ysenia:

really good advice. I know, especially like we're saying, just people aren't necessarily thinking about that. Right. And.

Podcast S1E2:

And

ysenia:

Thank you for sharing that tidbit. So we talked about your angle, like finances, pre-death of Josh. Mm-hmm. And then there was. A sudden change. I think when we were, when we've chatted

Podcast S1E2:

about this in the past,

ysenia:

like, this isn't just about someone dying that obviously happened to you and that's awful, and, but you're, you were like, I want to drive home that it can happen to anyone, just like a sudden change, right? Yes.

tabitha:

Any sudden change, so sudden changes in life, divorce, separation, changes in your relationship, changes in your job, changes in your family status, changes in your status as a caretaker? I'm 44 now, so I've had a number of friends that have had to seriously consider big life changes because someone in their family needed care that they were the only one that could provide. I think the sudden changes in life are kind of what forces you to. Reconcile what was the plan with what needs to be the plan now based on the new landscape. And I think that was something that I struggled with tremendously. I mentioned the plan earlier, Josh, she and I were so committed to this plan. I, I

Podcast S1E2:

I'm

tabitha:

committed to the plan. I've had to really, you know, it's like a, if you're making a fist and you have to slowly loosen your grip on

Podcast S1E2:

on it, that's

tabitha:

of. What my journey has been like. We were working toward a plan based on dual incomes. Josh's income was much

Podcast S1E2:

higher than

tabitha:

for most of our marriage, so we had visions that were based on that. So that was one thing that I really had to accept is that, as well as I might be able to do, I'm never gonna make up for what he was making or what we were making together in the life that we had planned. So I think, giving myself a lot of grace. I'm always like most people, the last one, I think to give grace to the last one, I think to allow flexibility to, but taking the perspective of grace and flexibility and letting myself come up with a new plan, it's kind of, it's bittersweet because it feels very life affirming to have. A vision for the future and to have a new plan, but it's always gonna be a plan that I didn't really wanna have to make. And I also think that a lot of times when changes happen, whether it's death, separation, caretaking health, whatever it is, you probably didn't want to have to deal with that.

ysenia:

Do you mind

tabitha:

sharing what the plan was? The plan. I love sharing what the plan was, so thank you for asking. The plan was to buy a mountain house, Josh, although he was born and raised in San Francisco, he was the most Oregonian of Oregonians I've ever encountered. He loved snow sports, he loved Mount Hood. And that was kind of the first part of the plan was to buy a mountain house so we could have all of our friends and family come visit. The second part of the plan was to take care of his immediate family member who we knew didn't have anything set up for his retirement that was looming closer and closer. He works in a very manual, um, kind of labor intensive role, and he's getting older and it concerned us. And so making sure that we could take care of him was the other part of the plan. And the other part of the plan was. Kind of more focused, hopefully came with financial gain. But we were both, we both were very committed to our careers and achieving excellence in our careers, which we hoped would come with financial gain, but I think we were committed either way to chasing that part of the plan.

ysenia:

You said you're still committed to the plan. Yeah. What has changed at.

Podcast S1E2:

about that? The plan

tabitha:

I have let go of the mountain house. Okay. I, uh, have not really been able to enjoy snow sports since he died and as much as I love Mount Hood, if money grew on trees, sure gimme a house on Mount Hood. But I've relocated to Texas. Y'all have no mountains here, so I let go of the mountain house. I think the other two components of the plan are still things that I'm really committed. Yeah. Yeah.

ysenia:

So I,

tabitha:

your plan has shifted? It's shifted, yes. And it's how I've had to allow for flexibility for new things to come into the plan. Like buying a house in Austin that was not in the plan, the near term or long term plan, starting, an endless remodel that was definitely not in the plan so I've

Podcast S1E2:

I've also had

tabitha:

continue to kind of smudge the edges of the plan. Has anything replaced

ysenia:

step one of the plan for the mountain house?

tabitha:

I think that what's replaced the mountain house. So I moved to Austin and I. Wasn't sure how long term it would be because when you're just in grief, you're, you're just a leaf in a stream. You're just floating along with life. You have no opinions and you have no eventual destination is how it feels. And coming to Austin, I was renting for the first, I was planning to rent for the first year. I made it about 10 months. Did not love being a renter, decided to buy a

Podcast S1E2:

a house,

tabitha:

and I felt like holy. You know what this is? You can say, holy shit. Holy shit. I have never bought a house on my own. You know? I mean, it was a big deal. It was. It is been an incredibly empowering and it on the same side of it, disempowering experience, but the feeling of buying my

Podcast S1E2:

my house,

tabitha:

it how I want it, building something that's mine. And

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then the

tabitha:

that comes with that community was always really important to us In Portland, I have so many close friends and family that live there. I knew I wouldn't survive here without that, and I wouldn't thrive either. And so I think what's replaced the mountain house is this vision of this place that I made, that it's just mine and everything is the way that I want it to be. And I didn't have to ask anyone. I didn't need permission. I only needed permission for myself and the amazing friends, neighbors who are coming in and out of the door all the time. You know, it's like that, that image of a crowded table, and I think that's what's replaced the mountain house.

ysenia:

I. I can say you've achieved your goals. I love going to your house. Um, it is one beautiful, I know you've been talking about a remodel that I know labor of love, labor of love

Podcast S1E2:

admit

ysenia:

but even, even with the in and outs of the contractors, including friends and

Podcast S1E2:

and contractors,

ysenia:

it's a warm and welcoming home and I think that Josh would be so proud of what you built.

tabitha:

Thank you.

ysenia:

And I. I love hearing you say that it's empowering and, and disempowering at the same time because I think we can all feel like it's very, it's so nice to be able to make your own decisions and not have someone, someone, sometimes you don't want someone to like validate your opinion. Right. Or devalidate it, if that's the appropriate or invalidate, invalidated, whatever the appropriate word

Podcast S1E2:

word is. But

ysenia:

I know that sometimes I can also be daunting, like Right for me, you know? I'm like, I sometimes have analysis paralysis and I just see someone. Yes, for sure. Yeah.

tabitha:

Yeah. Josh and I would really, we would bounce everything off of each other, and

Podcast S1E2:

I have found, whether it's with,

tabitha:

you know, more tactical things like the house or more strategic things like our finances, our investments, our portfolio, it has been really hard to not have that, person to say, Hey, do you think this is a good idea? The closest I've been able to get is just continue to meditate on who he was as a person, what his values were, what mine are, what our shared values remain, and try to keep my decisions as close to that as possible. So the Plan 2.0, as you might

Podcast S1E2:

call

tabitha:

is actually really helpful when you have to make sort of. Shorter midterm decisions. It's always helpful if you're looking right across at the, the horizon and walking in the same direction. So beautiful.

ysenia:

So when it comes to finances, have you found like a trusted advisor or how have you dealt with that now to have that validation point?

tabitha:

Yes. Let's get really honest. So after Joseph passed away, the first thing I had to do as the administrator of the state, it's called marshaling the assets. You've gotta take a class and everything and you need to go round up your assets, basically figure out where everything is and get a full picture so that you can go through the very labor intensive. Probate process. In that process, I was getting a lot of outreach from a financial institution where we had a pretty sizable set of investments. It was a little bit of a mix of stocks. There were some IRA funds, there were some other accounts. We also did, we both ran businesses and he ran his business,

Podcast S1E2:

business,

tabitha:

um, banking and financials through this, this institution, they were pretty, um. I don't wanna say aggressive, but they were, they were Johnny on the spot with following up with the new widow. Found it super irritating at first. Finally agreed to get on the phone with them and they were basically in 15 minutes able to point out some imbalances in our portfolio that were already costing me a lot of

Podcast S1E2:

of money.

tabitha:

So I took it bit by bit.

Podcast S1E2:

I saw

tabitha:

they did with that initial, batch of investments and funds. And then based on that performance, every six months or so, I would check in with him. And as I marshaled the assets, I was rounding up other assets from other organizations and I would move things over. And I really didn't like this guy. I still am not sure how I

Podcast S1E2:

I feel about him. He is,

tabitha:

um, he doesn't have, I think you said he doesn't have great bedside manner. Yeah, he doesn't manner. He's also done really well. He understands when I talk about things in terms of the plan, he gets what I'm talking about. He really understands what my long-term plan is for myself and how important it is for me. And he also knew Joe Show, which I think gives him a little bit of a leg up on the competition. But in any case, I decided to to hire him as my financial advisor. It was a tough decision because Josh was very against. Uh, paying a financial advisor, he wanted to do it all himself. And it took me, it took me a while. It took me about a year and a half to forgive myself for the need of a financial advisor. I was never gonna approach finance and money stuff with the same rigor and discipline that Josh did. And so I think it was really worth it for me. So that kind of calls back to the flexibility I talk about is it's really important to be flexible with yourself. It might not make sense for you today to have a financial advisor, but forgive yourself if at some point it does make sense. Yeah. So

ysenia:

that's

tabitha:

what I've

Podcast S1E2:

I've done.

ysenia:

And, um, does your advisor manage your whole portfolio

tabitha:

now?

ysenia:

He

tabitha:

does manage just about the entire portfolio. There are a couple of 401k. Type things that are, you know, with my current employer. But in, for the most part, yes, he manages the whole portfolio. I would say as an add on to that though. You know, depending on the financial advisor and the institution, they're gonna have certain thresholds of the value of the portfolio or investment that you have to meet. This one made sense for me once everything was kind of collated. Um, it, you know, depending on the person, maybe a financial advisor doesn't make sense, or maybe it's a different advisor focused on different levels of income.

Podcast S1E2:

Yeah.

ysenia:

I know. I think that, you know what? Me and my business partner believe in is frankly that you should have. We do, we do believe in financial advisors. We believe that they should give you advice. We believe that everyone, um, should receive advice. Mm-hmm. To be honest, you know, or education and consult, right? But as far as Pinterest, most of what we're talking about is if you have a million dollars plus, go see a financial advisor, get a financial plan. And really the ethos is that we don't believe that anybody should pay more than a percent, 1% of their entire, like, investible assets on financial advice, including us. So we are having, you know, I, my, my business partner said this the other day and I thought it was so provocative, and I was like, wait, stop, please. But she was like. We're beyond the buy the latte conversation. And I

Podcast S1E2:

I was like,

ysenia:

what? That's terrible. And she was like, no, no, no, no. It's not that. That's not a valuable conversation. That is a totally valid conversation. Buy the latte is like, yes. But when you come to interests, it's not about us setting your budget, right? You should have at least a hundred thousand dollars in investible assets. Whether that be, it could be inside of your 401k, that's all fine, but the idea being that we don't want you to get overspent, but there's a lot of cheaper resources out there for budgeting. Um, and it's a very valid and good conversation of whether you should buy the latte or not. But we're like, buy the machine. That's where we want. We want you to be able to buy the machine, buy the lot. Machine

Podcast S1E2:

the latte. You might be talking me away

tabitha:

my, uh. My guy, I don't really like, we'll see how this goes.

Podcast S1E2:

Yeah.

ysenia:

Um, don't mean to do that. I'm sure he's a great, bad, bad man. But it seems like he's really helped you.

Podcast S1E2:

you,

ysenia:

He's helped you through, um, through, I mean, like you said, here's, here's another thing that we were talking about when we need a financial advisor and like what we do believe at, um, hunters as well is

Podcast S1E2:

is like.

ysenia:

A sudden change. Yes. 'cause a hundred percent you don't know. Yes. What's happening, what your plan has suddenly changed. You're not thinking clearly all the time. Right. And it's just like, sometimes you just need someone to help you, guide you through that. Especially when you got into a large, you know, when you are starting to manage assets that you didn't think you were gonna manage reports. Right.

tabitha:

And it's, um, I would say, you know, especially with something like Pinterest, what I love about it is that. It's accessible for different levels of income. For one thing. I think that's so important that it's focused on information and education and empowerment. It's not set up to say, no, you can't have that. Or yes, you can have that. 'cause ultimately it's your money, it's your investment, it's your decision. And I think a good financial service or financial advisor is one that helps you feel informed enough to make those decisions on your own.

ysenia:

Yeah.

tabitha:

Yeah, I agree.

ysenia:

There was a term that you

Podcast S1E2:

you used

ysenia:

the, I honestly have never heard before. You were marshaling the assets?

tabitha:

Yes.

ysenia:

Is that

Podcast S1E2:

that a. Yes.

ysenia:

Like a legal Yes. Okay. That is

tabitha:

what you do when you have become the administrator of the estate, which can happen in a variety of different ways. In my case, I was the defacto administrator of the state because I was the wife. There were no dependents, there were no inheritors. Um, as simple as our

Podcast S1E2:

our probate

tabitha:

seems like it could have been. There were no.

Podcast S1E2:

no.

tabitha:

Um, debtors to be paid, or creditors. Yeah. It was pretty cut and dry, but even with that, it took two years door to door to close probate. Oh wow. So part of the responsibility of the administrator is to go out and find those assets, and no one is gonna help you do that. There is no government agency that is gonna call you up and say, hi, Ms. Calhoun, we know your husband died. Do you need help tracking down where all the. Weird old 4 0 1 ks from employers 15 years ago are, no one's gonna do that for you. You have to do it for yourself. Okay. And that makes you a marshal and you should get a badge.

ysenia:

Oh gosh. Yeah. I honestly never heard that. When you said it, I was like, put a pin on that. So your relationship with finances has changed. I do wanna ask, do you feel more confident now? I know that I

Podcast S1E2:

I do.

tabitha:

I feel a lot more confident. I think the confidence has been one, not necessarily through results, but through having to face decisions that I never thought I possibly could or would have to. And the decision comes. I make the decision right or wrong, and the decision passes me by and I'm

Podcast S1E2:

I'm still

tabitha:

there. And I think that's is, is what's given me confidence. I've

Podcast S1E2:

I've definitely

tabitha:

some mistakes or things that I, I guess, are hard for me to sleep with

Podcast S1E2:

with at night. Certainly

tabitha:

that I've done that I don't think Josh show would've done. Um, but. You know, he's not here to have to kind of sift through this reality, and so I have to, I have to take that into account. That's the grace and the flexibility. Yeah.

ysenia:

So the last time you spoke, you talked about the urgency of

tabitha:

death.

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mm-hmm. And

tabitha:

And yes.

Podcast S1E2:

yes,

tabitha:

The urgency of death. So there's a few things that happen. You know, one is your lover, your soulmate, your roommate, your partner, your best friend, your whole plan for the future. Everything is just blown apart.

Podcast S1E2:

And then there's

tabitha:

logistical urgency of death, which is like, what do I do about them, their family. Our home. You know, we had a house we lived in, we loved our home. People are asking you questions, are you gonna sell the house? I would get inundated with questions. I mean, this is two weeks, three weeks starting after he died. And I was like, I don't fucking know if I'm gonna sell my house. I don't know. I'm gonna keep breathing. And then there's all the admin and. Things you need to file and it feels like you should have forever. But in most cases, you

Podcast S1E2:

really only have six months to 24 months to get this stuff done.

tabitha:

So there's an urgency even in that phase where you know you are just a zombie and you are operating with no speed and yet you need to make urgent decisions. And another layer of that was our, our. Financial landscape. You know, there were assets we had

Podcast S1E2:

one asset

tabitha:

we had, it was very imbalanced. So a huge amount of our total net worth was in basically one asset. And it was something that I imagined Joha had been planning to make some changes on. I'll never know, but by the time I got around to looking at it with the bad bedside mirror.

Podcast S1E2:

manner,

tabitha:

Uh, BBBI

ysenia:

hope he, I hope he wasn't so, I'm not gonna lie,

tabitha:

I really had lost a lot of, you know, it, it had not been advantageously arranged. And so that's kind of the urgency of death is it's like multiple layers as much as you want to, and frankly should be able to check out completely on all those decisions. You can't, and I missed some things. We also had a non-traditional asset that I found incredibly stressful to deal with. It's something that I know that Joha would've wanted me to keep forever, and I'm sure you know in moments it definitely still stings. I just have to remind myself

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that all of

tabitha:

decisions, whether they're financial or otherwise, the context that you make them in is everything. The context that you make the decision in is just as important. As what the outcome is in my opinion. And so for my own sanity, comfort and just ability to control my financial destiny, I parted ways with a non-traditional asset. We'll never know how Joshua would feel about that. He had a similar situation. We were living in San Francisco. This was in the mid two thousands. He had a friend who needed five or six hours of work, um, on their little. Burgeoning startup, and they were gonna trade him something like a basis point to do this work. We were having a cozy night, we were watching Deadwood, we were ordering pizza from Amichi, and he was like, no, babe, I just wanna stay here with you. I'm

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I'm gonna

tabitha:

it down. And then many years later, and I'm so excited for this friend and founder, but you know, that little cozy pizza night would've been worth a lot of money. A

Podcast S1E2:

A lot of

tabitha:

There you go. Game

ysenia:

changing money. So,

tabitha:

whoops.

ysenia:

We all make investment decisions and choices and mistakes, and I think we all

tabitha:

make choices and mistakes, but those choices are informed by the context and I don't know, maybe it's a little cavalier, but at this point I would rather have the time with him than anything else. Absolutely.

ysenia:

Is that your

tabitha:

number one piece of investment Invest. I think so, I think my number one piece of investment advice from my perspective and what I've been through is to acknowledge that you're gonna make mistakes. Acknowledge that the context is everything and that it's gonna change, and that you need to approach yourself with grace and flexibility and don't dwell on things. You know, there's so many fluctuations day to day. I don't look, because I don't think it's healthy for me to pay attention to all the money I'm losing or gaining in a specific period of time. I'm in my earning years

Podcast S1E2:

and I

tabitha:

a plan for the future. I kind of know where I'm headed and I just need to let myself off the hook from the day to day. Ups and

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and downs,

tabitha:

and

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and valleys, I.

tabitha:

So I think. Keep your eye on the North Star and don't worry too much about the bumps in the road along the way.

ysenia:

I love that. So I wanna acknowledge that we've talked a lot about your career, um, and how that's part of your plan. That's still part of Plan 1.0, that's part of Plan 2.0 Yes. Which we've talked about. That's, that was the third bullet point, if I

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I remember correctly. What,

ysenia:

what do you do, do you mind

tabitha:

sharing with our listeners? Absolutely. I am a, uh, DEI. Leaders. So diversity, equity, inclusion, also belonging, engagement, talent acquisition. So I work in kind of a hybrid HR leadership role. Um, deal with a lot of money, talk frankly at work because pay equity is a big topic. So it was funny when I first moved to Texas, I wasn't sure. What to say when people ask what I did for a living, so I would always say HR and that was just code. But when I'm, when I

Podcast S1E2:

I really want,

tabitha:

you know, be honest with someone and I talk about DEI and they say, well, what do, what does that mean? And I say, I'll just pick whatever demographic they represent. If they're older than 40, if they're, um, left-handed, if they're, you know, whatever it is. A woman, if they're non-white, I, I bring it

Podcast S1E2:

it back to

tabitha:

equity. 'cause I think that's like a pretty universal theme for folks. So making sure that you get paid the same amount of money for the work you do, no matter what you look like, where you're from, how you grew

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up,

tabitha:

it's how good you are at the job, and that's what matters. So things like equity and finance are really important to me professionally and just as a person.

ysenia:

I, I mean, as a person who's starting a DEI company, I love. Yes. And like on LinkedIn I was like, I don't know what to put in my headline. And I

Podcast S1E2:

And I was like, you know

ysenia:

Embracing DEI. 'cause we are in a time right now where it's like on the, I don't know what to say, how to explain it. It's like on the fence or on the,

tabitha:

I think it's a concept that has been,

Podcast S1E2:

I

tabitha:

that that would be another conversation, but it's. It really comes down to equity. Equity is ultimately the question of all work related to DEI, which is the concept of accepting that based on where we're born, the color of our skin, our ability, our religion, um, socioeconomics play a huge role in that we don't all walk the same path to get to opportunities door. So the work of DEI is to. Level the field, level the path. Make sure that we're all walking as unobstructed as possible based on who we are as a person, right? Because there should never be a brick wall on your road just because you're a

Podcast S1E2:

a woman.

tabitha:

That's not equitable.

ysenia:

Yeah. I mean, absolutely. I think women should have equal power in finance to then get equal power in life because. Money makes the world move if we've learned anything from the last election cycle.

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Yeah. Um, and there are

ysenia:

crazy

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stats out there, but women

ysenia:

frankly don't stuck into their power. And I've been guilty of this, of just like not understanding like how I should ask for pay raises or how I should, yes. Invest. Because some, you get left out of certain conversations. Right. Well, it's

tabitha:

very intimidating. And you're a Latinx woman. Yep. So a lens we all have to take is what are the preconceived notions and stereotypes and biases. So

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as a Latinx woman

tabitha:

in and asking for a raise, are you gonna be spicy? And is that now going to impact your ability to earn your performance, your long-term stability at the company? So it's.

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it's.

tabitha:

It's a reality that we face that's based on the thousands of dimensions, uh, within each of our own intersectionality.

Podcast S1E2:

Yeah, we definitely need to have an entire podcast

tabitha:

I would love it. Okay. I have a lot to say about

ysenia:

that. Yeah. We're gonna end every conversation. I wait for the sinners with the question of what does Rich mean to you? So. Tabitha Cal, speak to the camera. It's giving me break the fourth wall. It's giving

tabitha:

me chills. What

ysenia:

does rich

tabitha:

mean to you? It might get kind of

Podcast S1E2:

of emotional.

tabitha:

Rich to me means being able to take care of my community. Um, my family, my husband's family. We didn't get to have our own family, so I've been. And graciously absorbed into many others. And I think the health and wellness of my community is the most important thing to me. You know, whether it's being able to give a gift or do something more substantial for support for one of my nephews or my brother-in-law, or my parents, or my besties kids who I'm very close with to me. Richness comes from the benefit that I can bring to others. And I think the mountain house, the Plan 1.0, the plan 2.0, ultimately the message that was in all the plans was community. So to me, rich means being, being able to take care of and give back to my community. Thank you. Thank you for sharing your story. Thank you so much. This was really fun.

ysenia:

Can't wait to have you back on for DEI talk.

tabitha:

Yay. Yay. We did it. This is Talk Rich to me.

Speaker:

You've been listening to Talk Rich to me, A Production from Huntress Wealth. For More Chill Takes on finance, sign up for our newsletter@huntswealth.com. That's H-U-N-T-R-E-S-S-W-E-A-L-T h.com

People on this episode

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Stephanie Guttman

Co-host
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Ysenia Aguirre Rhodes

Co-host