Why Trying to Be the “Perfect Professional” Costs Managers Respect

Are authenticity and professionalism at odds, or are we just defining them wrong?

If you're a first-time manager trying to gain respect without losing yourself, you’re not alone. Most new leaders feel stuck between “being real” and “being taken seriously,” and it’s affecting your executive presence, your team’s trust, and how you show up in every meeting.

The truth? You don’t have to choose.

Authenticity and professionalism aren’t enemies. They’re tools. And when you know how to use both, you’ll finally feel like the leader you were meant to be.

BY THE TIME YOU FINISH LISTENING, YOU’LL DISCOVER:
• Why being authentic doesn’t mean oversharing (and being professional doesn’t mean polished to perfection)
• The mindset shift that helps you show up as you, without losing credibility
• How to define expectations and culture so you can confidently lead with clarity

When you finish listening, I'd love to hear your biggest takeaway from today’s episode.
 Take a screenshot of you listening, post it on LinkedIn, and tag me @Desiree Petrich

While you’re there, connect with me on LinkedIn to see how I help new and aspiring leaders grow their executive presence, delegate with confidence, and lead with clarity—without burning out.

Keywords: leadership podcast, new manager tips, executive presence, leadership development, first-time manager, leadership mindset, how to delegate tasks, leading with confidence, how to gain respect as a manager, developing executive presence for career growth, transitioning from employee to manager, imposter syndrome in leadership, how to set expectations as a new manager, why your team doesn’t respect you, practical leadership tips, building trust with your team, how to be a leader people actually follow

Connect With Desiree on Linkedin
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Transcript

Desiree Petrich (00:01.966)
So in the episode right before this one, we talked with Craig Denison about what does it look like to break the mold of what we think a leader should be and to actually define it in our own way of how our uniqueness can create a great leader archetype for us and the industry that we're in and the team that we are leading. In this episode, I wanna dive into that just a little bit more with this conversation around authenticity. Buzzwords are a buzzword for a reason.

And authenticity is one of the biggest ones right now. But are professionalism and authenticity fighting against each other? Or is there a way that we can make them work together in harmony so that you can not only show up as an authentic version of yourself, but also show up in a way that creates and demands respect from those around you? So lean in and let's get started.

Desiree Petrich (00:59.768)
So just in the past two years, I have been brought into different companies multiple times to work with new or aspiring leaders who just have some trouble showing up in the right way, whether it's they are swearing too much or they're struggling to make eye contact or they're not assertive enough in meetings and they just look like they're scared all the time. Are they wearing the right thing? And I have to kind of laugh sometimes because it could truly just be this individual who's

paying me to coach this executive could just go to them and say, hey, you don't give enough eye contact or hey, if you could just dress a little bit more professional or hey, you're dressing too professional and it's causing some individuals to feel a little bit nervous around you because you look so buttoned up and they don't feel that way. It could just be a conversation from that person saying this is the way you're being perceived. It's really scary sometimes as the leader to have that conversation because it feels like negative conflict.

And if you've been listening to this conversation on this podcast at for any length of time, you know that conflict can be a good thing when done in the right way. But needless to say, it can feel like negative conflict. And so I get called. They say, can you help me fix this? I come in and every single time it is a lot easier and a lot harder than it seems, because what happens is whether it's a cultural issue

or someone feels less confident than they think they need to in order to be professional, or they feel like they're getting put into a box and they want to be more authentic and they want to be able to be who it is that they want to be and they don't want someone to tell them that they can't be. There's always all of these reasons that hold us back. The eye contact, the swearing, the showing up looking more or less professional, those things are easy. It's the mental block behind why can't I be authentic?

and be considered professional at the same time. So let's just break this down for a second. Why are we struggling with this? Why do they seem to be butting heads as opposed to working together? Why can't we be both? So I wanna break down just a couple misconceptions and they are in the form of a description. They are in the form of how we define certain words. So authentic. A lot of times when we hear that or the initial reaction you might have is unfiltered, which is where some of the swearing comes in.

Desiree Petrich (03:26.112)
We think that we have to be fully vulnerable, which scares the crap out of people because they don't want to have to be more vulnerable than they already feel they are. And authentic will sometimes mean personal. It means that you have to share your life. You have to share your thoughts. You have to share what's good and what's bad. And although all of those things can and potentially could relate in better relationships, that view of authentic is what scares a lot of people. It's what people think that word means.

And so they either want that or they don't want that. There's not really ever in the middle. They either want to be able to show up authentically unfiltered and vulnerable and post personal, or they think that people should come to work and leave their personal life at home and they want people to put on a mask and they want people to put on a filter and they want them to show up in a certain way. That's authentic. That's the way that it's typically defined.

On the other side, you put it on the complete other end of the spectrum, professional is usually described as polished and neutral, not really showing any emotion. You're emotionally detached. You dress in a certain way. You speak in a certain way, usually in a very confident, maybe even assertive way. And so those individuals who want to be authentic don't feel that they can be professional at the same time. And those individuals who think you need to be professional look down on those for this unfiltered, vulnerable,

Personal version of authentic that we think about but I want you to think about this Differently, we're gonna reframe some of these things so that it is possible for possible for you to be both authentic and professional at the same time So what might it mean to be authentic? We all have our own values. We all have our own basic way

of doing things. have the way that we talk. We have the way that we get across a story. We have a way that we portray our humor. Mine is a little bit more sarcastic and some people's is a little bit more goofy. We all have these values and these core understandings of who we are. Being congruent with those and knowing that we can bring them in in bits and pieces as we continue to build more trust with people around us, that's what it means to be authentic.

Desiree Petrich (05:40.67)
It means not having to shut off who we are at our core and being able to pull some of those pieces into the work that we're doing. Maybe not all the way and maybe not all at the same time. But as we continue to build trust and show some of that vulnerability, even though I know it's kind of a scary word, as we can start to do that and build trust with our staff or our team members, we will start to be able to become more aligned with our values, both at work and at home. It's not an either or.

So that's the reframed definition of authentic, then what is the reframed definition? Wow, those things are really hard to say. Reframed definition of a professional. And ultimately what it means is, do you know the industry that you're in? Do you know what's expected of you? Are you intentional about the way that you're showing up? I gave this example the other day. My husband and I are watching Suits right now. It's on Netflix. It's about a law firm in New York City.

and they are wearing dresses and suits and ties and shiny shoes and their hair is beautiful every day. And I just laugh because I don't think I've ever been that buttoned up or like we said in the original definition, polished. I would suffocate. That is not me nor do I think it ever could be me, but some people thrive on being able to do that. In other words, I could go into...

Desiree Petrich (07:08.27)
but on the other hand, I might go into a.

Desiree Petrich (07:19.448)
But on the other hand, I have been working with lot of agriculture and manufacturing type industries lately and jeans and closed-toed shoes and a monogrammed t-shirt or sweatshirt with the company's logo on it and their hair in a ponytail or some sort of hard hat, that is the norm. That is what they would wear every day. And if you showed up in a suit and a tie, you'd probably get some funny looks. So professional isn't necessarily about looking a certain way across the board. It's

What is expected of you? What is the typical norm in that culture that you're currently in? And how can you be congruent with your values in bringing that in for yourself? In high school, everyone would wear sweatpants. The majority of the time, that was just known as being okay back then. I wanted to be a little bit fancier. It made me feel a little bit more confident, and I would show up in maybe jeans and a nice shirt. It made me feel

like I was congruent with my values, but also not so outside of the loop that I felt like an outsider. There is a way that you can bring in both of them. So that was very much so on close. So let's look at this from the way that we act standpoint. You might be in a very male dominated industry and swearing and joking around and being sarcastic and maybe picking on each other.

might be 100 % okay and everyone is on board for the most part and that's just the way it is. Maybe that's what professional looks like. You are part of that culture and you join in and you enjoy it and you fully embrace it and that's who you are at your core. You might go into said law office or maybe a graphic design printing studio and they might be a little bit more

filter. They might not want to be joking around and making fun of each other. Maybe they, you know, kill him with kindness, even if it's not totally authentic. Do I recommend either of these two extremes? Not necessarily. But what I'm trying to get a point is that across is that professional is

Desiree Petrich (09:29.538)
The word professional is subjective. So swearing and the way that we hold our posture and the way that we use our humor, maybe even the amount of eye contact. Some people find eye contact really awkward. The amount of eye contact, it's all subjective to the industry that you're in. Right, wrong, or indifferent, that's the way it is. So when I get brought in to work with an individual, I ask them, what are your thoughts on this topic?

and how do you define what it is that's expected of you? And if they don't know, I highly encourage them to go to their leader and say, what is the culture that we're trying to create? If I'm not doing something right, can you at least set the bar of where I'm supposed to be so I have something to measure against? Because where we get into trouble a lot of the time is if we as leaders don't set the expectation for our team, we could never expect them to meet it.

But we do, expect them to meet it and we expect them to show up in a certain way. But if we've never said it out loud, it's unfair and it probably won't work. You're gonna end up frustrated. So as the individual, define the culture that you are in, ask for help if you need to, and then decide, is this a place where I feel like it is congruent with my values? If the industry or the job or the specific company or the coworkers aren't congruent with your values, it's a whole nother.

can of worms right there. But if it is and you feel like you can show up authentically and there are certain skills like eye contact or lessening your swearing that you're willing to put the work into, please by all means know that you are just practicing. You're practicing being a version of yourself that fits into an environment without feeling like you're having to mask yourself or to put a filter on yourself.

One topic here that I think we can all get behind is needing to define those expectations. Another one is something that I see a lot and it's why I say that the problem that I solve for people is disconnect, whether it's disconnect from themselves and who they wanna be, disconnect from one another, disconnect from the purpose and the passion that's supposed to be behind the company that's not. A lot of it is because we are putting on a mask at work. We are putting on a mask of who we think that we need to be and who we need to show up as.

Desiree Petrich (11:48.162)
and it creates disconnection. It affects the way that we trust each other. It affects the way that we show up. It affects how quickly we're gonna get to burnout. And every single time that I have seen this and someone is putting on a mask to make someone else happy, whether it's because they were told to or they just think they're supposed to, this is where most of the issues come to play. This is where a lot of people are getting talked to at their performance review or maybe even fired because they're not fitting in with the culture.

that is expected of them. So why does this matter? Because it is directly affecting the mental and emotional toll of our employees if we are making them feel like they have to come to work as anything other than an authentic version of themselves. Not the authentic, like the unfiltered and unpolished and un quote unquote professional, but the authentic version where they get to bring in pieces of their uniqueness, pieces of their strengths and us understanding their weaknesses.

to professional setting that we have defined for them so that they know what the expectations are. That is why it matters. So I want you to think about this not so much as I have to be authentic or professional. It's I can be authentic to who I am as a human and be professional. I can be authentic to who I am and work on having better eye contact. I can be authentic and work on swearing less in the workplace.

I can be authentic and still wear jeans, assuming it's allowed. When I first got my job at the care center,

Desiree Petrich (13:36.878)
I'm going give you one more personal example of this. got married in August of 2017, very shortly got a tattoo. I'd been wanting one for a long time, waited until I got married, got the tattoo, got a leadership position at the dementia facility and was very quickly told that we weren't allowed to have visible tattoos. So, professionalism in that work setting was no visible tattoos. Did it feel authentic to me to not share it?

Not necessarily. Was I willing to bend? Was it congruent with my values to cover it up in order to be what the workplace thought of as professional? Yes. For three plus years, I wore long sleeves. I covered it up with makeup. I wore sweaters. You name it. We all get to make decisions based on what we are or are not willing to do. Did we eventually change the tattoo rule? You know, it's been a long time, but I think so. I think that we did because

More and more culture is starting to change as different generations come into the workplace. Our humor is changing. Our request for vulnerability from each other is changing. The different way that we show up, the technology and the constant openness that technology requires of us, they're all changing the landscape of what professional looks like anyway. So why would we expect to look at one viewpoint of what professional is?

when we could redefine it in a way that our company or our team or our industry looks at it and set that as the baseline. So I really want you to think about authenticity and professionalism not as competing against each other, but as a way to truly understand what is the culture that I'm a part of and what am I willing to do to make sure that I fit into that and still stay authentic to myself.

If authentic is something that's really important to you, which should be really important to all of us so that we don't feel like we're having to put on that mask or put on that filter, then I want you to take away from this conversation the opportunity to be both authentic and professional. And just remember that authenticity doesn't mean oversharing. It just means alignment and learning to trust those that are around you so that you don't feel like you can't share. And professionalism isn't about being perfect and polished and

Desiree Petrich (15:51.95)
Toity-toity comes to mind. It's about responsibility. Responsibilities to meeting the expectations that have been set on you. So the intersection is intentionality. Being thoughtful about how your values meet where you are. So I hope that this was inspiring to you to not only ask what is expected of me, but also to know that authentic doesn't mean

spilling the can of beans wide open. just means showing up with your uniqueness and knowing that that's going to get you further than trying to be quote unquote professional ever will. And if this message doesn't align and you can't figure out any possible way where you could be both, you might be in the wrong industry because your core values just may be that far removed from what your industry views as professional. But I'm going to leave it at that.

I am really hoping that I can hear from you of what it is that you want to hear next. This was a requested topic from one of my executive coaching clients. So thank you for that. Send me a message on LinkedIn. Send me a...

Desiree Petrich (17:02.914)
Send me a message on LinkedIn. Let me know what you want to talk about next. In the next episode, we are going to be diving deep into Marcus Buckingham's book, Love Plus Work. Just going deeper and fuller into this conversation around how can we make sure that our purpose and passion is being utilized at work? How can we pull those red threads to make sure that the things that we're wanting from life can be found in the work that we choose?

to do and I'm going to bring on my friend Tessa Campen again. You might recognize her from earlier episodes, but she is incredible. And this is a book that we connect on and I can't wait for you to hear more. So until next time, just remember leadership is a privilege, but it's also a huge responsibility.

Desiree Petrich (17:51.234)
Just remember, leadership is a privilege, but it's also a huge responsibility. And you're the boss. So what are you gonna do with it?