5 Steps to Rebuild Trust and Handle Conflict at Work as a Manager

Workplace conflict doesn’t just disappear, it spreads. Learn five practical steps to rebuild trust, strengthen communication, and fix a toxic culture so your team can perform at its best.

If you’ve ever walked into a meeting and felt the tension before anyone said a word, this episode is for you.

When workplace drama turns into silence, gossip, or passive-aggressive behavior, you’re not just managing conflict, you’re managing culture.

In this episode of You’re the Boss, Now What?, leadership coach Desiree Petrich shares the five steps she uses when she’s brought in to help teams rebuild trust and communication after conflict has taken root.

You’ll learn how to transform team tension into connection and turn uncomfortable conversations into meaningful progress. These are the same frameworks Desiree uses inside her leadership coaching and team development workshops, designed to help leaders protect their team’s energy and build healthy, high-performing workplaces.

In This Episode, You’ll Learn:

• How to identify when workplace tension has turned into toxicity
• The right way to “clear the air” without losing control of the conversation
• How self-awareness and behavioral tools (like DISC or Working Genius) reduce friction
• Why creating a shared team language makes accountability easier
• How vulnerability and consistency build long-term trust
• A simple monthly rhythm to keep conflict healthy and communication strong

Key Takeaways

• Conflict handled early builds trust. Avoiding it just builds resentment.
• Awareness dissolves drama. When people understand each other, tension loses power.
• Trust is a practice, not a project. It’s built through consistent, honest conversations.

Leadership Game Questions

• What are three things our team does well, and what are three things we could do better? 
• What is one challenge we are currentlyl facing as a team? What can we change in ourselves to improve our situation? 
• What group of people do we need to be more intentional about listening to? (Employees / Clients / Customers / Shareholders / Ambassadors / etc.)
• What makes a day successful for you? 

"Keep the Conversation Going" Questions

1. What's working? 

2. Where are we drifting from who we said we'd be? 

3. What do we need to talk about before it turns into tension? 

 And if you’d like help facilitating these conversations, this is

Taking Intentional Action: How to Choose the Life You Lead

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Transcript

Desiree (00:01.206)
Last week, we talked about what to do when you've got that one negative team member that is quietly draining your team's energy. But what happens when that negativity spreads, when it turns into gossip, intention, and those polite meetings where everyone is nice, but no one is really being honest? That's when you know you're dealing with workplace drama. And under that drama, all it is is a team that has lost trust. That's the good news. It's fixable.

So today we're going to walk through five steps that I use when I'm called in to help teams to rebuild communication and trust and how you can use the same steps yourself. Now I'm going to say this with a lot of humility, but the reason that I'm really good at this job is not because I have all the answers. It's not because I've been doing this for 30, 40 years. The reason that I am good at this job is because I am willing to have the hard conversations. And after listening to today's episode, you are going to be able and willing to do the same.

So welcome back to You're the Boss, Now What? I'm your host, Desiree Petriq, and our goal here is to help you lead yourself and your team with confidence. So lean in and let's get started.

Desiree (01:21.792)
I have owned my leadership development company for almost three years now, and I have had a lot of opportunities to go in and work with teams who have lost trust. Whether it was because two individuals were kind of going at it and it was making things uncomfortable for everyone, maybe there was one employee who had a really negative outlook on life and on leadership and it was just affecting everyone.

Maybe the hierarchy, the leaders above people were not allowing things to happen in the way that they should. And so people were feeling down and lost passion. I could go on and on about the reasons why a team might lose trust with each other, with the company, with their leader. But that's not what we're here to do. We're not here to place blame. We are not here to place problems in a box because every single team and every single set of problems and challenges is different.

What we are here to do is to give you a list of five things. Now, granted, they are somewhat,

Desiree (02:29.527)
What I'm here to do today is give you a list of the five steps that I use and go through when I get into a team. There's a lot of conflict. There's a lot of mistrust and we need to get to a place where they trust each other again. We are breaking down the walls. We are breaking things down. They look worse before they look better, but that is the good piece of it. As long as you are willing and able to have that conversation, you are going to be better off in the end. So let's get started. Step number one is to get everything out on the table.

most of the time when I go in and work with a team, it's because things have not been said. The conflict and the tension has not been addressed. Maybe it's a, you know, two employees who have been fighting and have gone to HR and they say, I want to make it better, but I've been told that I'm not supposed to address it. I'm told that I'm supposed to just leave it alone and not make it worse. I have seen that I have gone into.

companies where one negative team member is the most productive and wears five different job descriptions and the team and the leader has not approached them because they are so terrified to lose this person that has the most impact on the actual outcomes of the team, despite the fact that they make everyone else miserable. That is a situation I have walked into. There have been so many different situations that come up.

And honestly, most of the time, things just need to be said out loud, whether in a one on one action plan type meeting or getting it all out on the table where people are screaming at each other and hugging by the end. Again, we've seen both because you can't fix what no one is willing to name, especially because, like I said in the intro.

Desiree (04:23.511)
So I cut this part out of the intro, but originally before I said there's good news, this problem is fixable. What I said first is that there is bad news. And the bad news is that if you as a leader are starting to experience the tension and seeing the conflict and the mistrust between two individuals, your team has probably been experiencing it for quite some time because a lot of times when the team sees it or hears it.

or experiences it, they're not gonna share it with you right away. They're gonna try and deal with it on their own. They don't want to complain. They don't want to be the reason that people get fired or talk to, et cetera. So they won't tell you right away. They're gonna start to come tell you when it's bad. You're gonna start to notice when it gets a little bit worse on a day-to-day basis. So the bad news is that it's probably been happening for a while if you as a leader are noticing it. Again, the good news is it's fixable. Get it out on the table. Name what the problem is.

Desiree (05:34.274)
and then start by clearing the air. Now I use something called the leadership game. As a John Maxwell coach, I have this leadership game and it's literally a game. You roll the dice, there's cards, there's questions and prompts and points and et cetera. You don't need to get that fancy, okay? I'm gonna give you a couple of my favorite things that we do within the leadership game so that you can use them just on your own on any given day. There might be a chance that as the leader,

your team won't open up with you in the same way that they would with a third party individual. And that can just be another leader within your company. That can be a mentor that someone has that you kind of say, hey, can you come and mediate this conversation between these two leaders? I've seen that happen. If you want a facilitator, and for whatever reason, I'm not the right fit, I have a lot of friends who do the same kind of work. So don't feel like you have to do this on your own or if you've already tried and it doesn't work.

please reach out for help because this is not a problem that you should have to face. These challenges are overcomeable. Just get them out on the table, talk about them. Here are a couple tools that I use during the conversation with the leadership team.

Desiree (06:52.567)
And the reason that I like the fact that there's the game in the name or that we gamify the process is because it turns these hard conversations into a guided, laughter-filled dialogue. And honestly, within minutes, people who haven't spoken in months are talking again, mostly because when it's their turn, they have to roll the dice. They have to answer the question. And so they start the process of being able to talk and being willing to share and being willing to get a little bit more vulnerable.

And again, because it's a game, it doesn't feel so pressurized. It doesn't feel like we sat down and they're getting reprimanded for the challenges that are happening within the team. They're sitting down and answering the first question, which is, what are three things that we do really well as a team and what are three things that we could do better? Starting with, this is literally one of the questions on the cards, starting with what we already do well.

starts with that positive affirmation of the team. It might even start with some appreciation. Someone might say, our customer service team is amazing at what they do. We continuously get feedback that the customer service team is amazing. And maybe this is coming from someone in finance, right? It shows some of that appreciation, starts off on a good foot, gets you a foundation of what's already being done really well. And notice that the second piece of it, I didn't say, what are three things that we don't do well? I said, what are three things that we can do

better. The reason that we say it in that way, again, it puts a more natural and positive light on it, but it gives us a foundation to work on. We already are doing something. We're hopefully doing it to the best of our ability. But how could we do it even better? I'm going to tell you the number one answer that I get when that first question is answered. And it's 100 percent of the time we could communicate better, which just leads back to my original point.

And step number one, which is get everything out on the table. Your team wants to have these struggles talked about. Your team wants to know that at any given moment they can come to you as the leader or to a team worker, a team worker, team. Yeah.

Desiree (09:08.525)
teammate and know that they're not going to get in trouble or they're not going to get bullied. They're not going to get totally turned away. They want to know that it's going to be addressed. So that's my number one very favorite question. Just going to tell you a little secret here. I stack the deck right after talking with the leader understanding the challenges. I always stack the deck to make sure that the most prevalent questions are on top.

So in the show notes, I'm going to list out five additional questions that you can go in and ask your team. Again, gamify it in some way, make it fun. You can even write it out on little cards and pretend that you printed them out somewhere. It's totally up to you. It's a lot more fun and a lot less. It feels a lot less vulnerable when it's a game than if you're just sitting down to have a conversation. Another one of the questions that I always give the leader.

Sometimes I will prompt them, sometimes I won't, but I always ask the question, what is one question that needs to be asked that hasn't been asked yet? It just gives that open-ended opportunity to talk about something that has needed to be talked about in a safe environment.

Desiree (10:26.539)
I digress on this. think I have made my point. Get everything out on the table, create a safe opportunity for everyone to say what needs to be said. One of the biggest frustrations that I hear from team members when we're doing a 360 review before doing any teamwork is that they feel like if they go to their boss, if they go to their leader and they complain about something, if they share their frustration about something, nothing gets done.

And then I will go to the leader and say, well, this team member said that they told you about this. I said, yeah, and I'm dealing with it, but I can't tell them that I'm reprimanding or writing up or creating an action plan for this other employee. That would be a breach of confidentiality or insert, you know, whatever reason here. And I think a lot of times people just feel unheard. They feel like they are sharing frustrations and challenges and nothing is getting done about it.

This is a great way to make sure that it is known that you are putting effort into making things better. This is just a great first step. Step number two is to start with awareness. Because my keynote is titled from good people to great teams. People are good inherently. They want to do good things. They want to be passionate about work. They want to have a say. They want to be a part of a good culture. Most drama is not about bad people.

Now, there's always a bad apple. Go back and listen to the last episode if you want to learn more about that. But drama isn't about bad people. Drama is about misunderstanding. It is a lack of understanding of the people around us, their skills, their geniuses, their desires of how they want to be appreciated. I could go on and on. It is about a misunderstanding of communication.

Desiree (12:22.167)
So step number two, start with awareness. I do this with things like disk and working genius. There are a million personality tools if that's something that you feel would be a good fit for your team, whether it's Myers-Briggs or Enneagram or Strikes Finder or Colors. Pick whichever one you want. If you need help finding a facilitator, reach out to me. I've got a lot of friends in this world, but it's not just about.

Desiree (12:54.093)
But the reason that we do these assessments, the reason that I am so passionate about them is because they just help people to understand themselves better and to understand one another better. They are simply just an opportunity for someone to be able to have language around what it is that they like, what they dislike, what they crave from people, what crushes their spirit when people do certain things. Here's a couple of questions that you can ask that would in the same vein of something like a personality assessment.

You can say, what kind of work gives you energy? What are the things that you do on your day-to-day basis that you love? And vice versa, what are the things that drain you? What are the things that are just so difficult for you to do that you dread them every day? You can say, do you enjoy coming to work on a Monday? If not, why? Is it a person? Is it a thing? Is it a continuous?

conflict with a certain person. And I know that doesn't sound as fun as the first one where we're gamifying it. These are probably more one-on-one conversations that you want to have during your one-on-one meetings, which I will link that podcast episode if you want to learn how to have better one-on-one meetings with your team. But these are questions that you can ask to help further a person's development. They might not have ever asked themselves that question. You prompting that question is going to get their wheels turning. It's going to make them think.

It's going to make them feel like you are able to understand them better, which is great. But again, drama on a team is about a misunderstanding between employees. So you have to find a way to discuss it as a group, whether it's prompting them with what are your strengths and weaknesses? What are the things that you are really good at when it comes to the work that you do tactically? But also, what are your strengths and weaknesses when it comes to working with people around you?

Again, free workshop ideas, sit down, make everyone write their strengths and weaknesses, both in tactical and relational form. You will be amazed at how much self-awareness people have and they just haven't been able to find the right words to say it. It will help to make things better. When people can recognize that different isn't bad, tension will start to ease once they can recognize that different personalities on a team are actually an amazing thing because they can

Desiree (15:13.311)
start to work together and the six pieces of any workload can all be taken by a new person. That only makes sense if you know working genius, but people start to fill in the gaps once they understand what they are really good at and passionate about and gives them energy. Because again, drama might thrive in misunderstanding, but awareness dissolves it. Awareness immediately dissolves that misunderstanding. People immediately let go of some judgment.

they'll immediately let go of some guilt when some of these conversations are had. So make sure that you are setting the tone for awareness, asking open-ended questions, whether it be one-on-one or in a group, making sure that the group discusses it so that people can get to know themselves and one another better. And then just be blunt and be honest that the reason that you're doing these things is so that you can better understand each other as a team. So that's step number two.

find more awareness on the team. Step number three is to find a common language. Once you have that awareness of each other, we need to have a shared framework around, okay, what do we do with this information? I use the five dysfunctions of a team, which again, is a book by Patrick Lencioni. I've said his name so many times, you'd think I'd be able to say it correctly. Patrick Lencioni wrote a book, Five Dysfunctions of a Team. I'm not only going to link the book in the show notes, but also I have an episode on

the framework of that if you want. There is a free, it's not free, you have to buy it on Amazon, but you don't have to go and get trained to facilitate this material. Go to Amazon, buy the book, buy the field guide. You can run workshops on this with your team by yourself. You don't need a third party unless you want one. Go and learn what it means to build trust. You've already got a really good foundation. If you have done the first two steps of getting it out on the table and of working on awareness, you already have trust.

like way more than most companies have at this point. You're going to understand conflict better. You're going to understand why some of it is so destructive and yet why conflict is a good thing. You want to have healthy, productive conflict. You're going to understand how to make your team commit to the same goal, how to hold themselves and each other accountable to that goal and how to hit the results. Doesn't that sound amazing? Doesn't that sound like exactly what you want for your team? And it can all be done.

Desiree (17:40.162)
by creating a framework and a language around the things that we want. When your team can say, we are stuck at conflict right now, we keep having the same conversation over and over again, and we're not getting anywhere because we aren't willing to engage in an uncomfortable conversation. Can imagine if one of your team members said that to you? You'd be like, wow, that is so, like.

Desiree (18:10.027)
Wow, normally it would have taken us weeks to dance around this. And instead someone felt so comfortable and trusted the team so much that they were willing to say, we are stuck at this place. Someone needs to have the, let's be child friendly here, the gall to have this conversation. That would be so impressive from a team member, but it would also just reiterate to you that you are doing something right.

It's not emotional, it's objective, it's about the thing, but it does get a little uncomfortable. You can create the same clarity by

Desiree (18:57.325)
So finding this common language, you don't have to use five dysfunctions of a team. I personally think it's the best tool. And again, it's free to you if you wanna go and learn how to facilitate it yourself. Again, you can bring in a facilitator. I'm going to just full on tell you, I would love to help you with that, but you don't need help. You can do it on your own. I'm putting this total belief in you that if this is something you wanna do, you can do it on your own.

Step number four, this is the hardest step for people and it's to rebuild with vulnerability. Most leaders avoid vulnerability. It is a buzzword for a reason because it is so important to have that within our teams and to be willing to have that with the people we spend every day with. There are going to be some personality types that we learn about in step number two with awareness that just have zero interest in being vulnerable and sharing things about their life. And vulnerability doesn't always mean tell me your life story.

Vulnerability sometimes just means tell me what you're thinking without any filter. Tell me what you're thinking without feeling the need to put a bow on it at the end. Just be confident in our trust, in our relationship enough that you can say what is on your mind without feeling like I'm going to get offended, without feeling like the walls are going to come crumbling down. Vulnerability, yes, it is about getting to know each other better. That truly will help.

build that trust back up. But vulnerability is ultimately about people seeing your humanity so that they can trust your authority. If they can see that you are a person, if they can see that you as the leader specifically are human and have flaws and have needed to learn things and you weren't always this confident, you weren't always this perfect, they're going to trust you more. They're going to trust you as a leader, which will in turn they will trust

your desire for them to trust everyone else on the team. It will be a ripple effect as long as you are modeling it well.

Desiree (21:12.823)
Something I've been saying since I very first started my company is the further we individualize ourselves from one another, the more we connect with one another. I know it's supposed to be there is no I in team and teamwork makes the dream work and it's not about the individual, it's about the person and that might be right. It might have some merit. But if we are just working as a group of cogs in a machine, we don't feel like at the end of the day people see us as a person.

What would be the difference between this team and going somewhere else and being a cog in that machine, especially if they're paying me a little bit more. Normally it doesn't come down to money, but if all things are the same within a company, money comes down to where the decision is made. So what I want you to understand is that the things we're talking about right now are what are going to completely transform your competitive advantage when it comes to teamwork. You creating this opportunity.

for getting things out on the table, for making it a little uncomfortable so that it can get better, for building awareness within your team, for modeling vulnerability. This is your ultimate competitive advantage as a leader and as a team. So.

Desiree (22:37.185)
Believe me when I say that it is not going to be easy, but as you go through these steps, it is going to start to get easier. It is going to start to be a little bit more natural to say things like, I didn't handle that meeting the way that I wanted, or to say, I'm learning to listen before I jump in, or saying, I made that rash decision and I am sorry that I didn't spend more time asking more questions.

Those are very vulnerable statements, but when you model them, your team is going to follow. So vulnerability, I promise you, it's not weakness. It is the fastest way to rebuild trust, especially once it's been lost. that was step number four. Step number five is to keep the conversation going. Trust isn't a project. If it was, I could come in and do a four hour, eight hour workshop with you and things would be better because we do get a lot done in that time, but it's not.

just a project that is one and done. It is a practice. Every time you have someone leave, every time you bring in someone new, every time a leader gets promoted, there is going to be a shift in the dynamics. There is going to be a shift in the way that you have done things. And maybe you got to the point where it was a smooth sailing, everything was great. People were willing to be uncomfortable. People knew themselves really well. They knew each other really well. And then someone leaves and you have to almost start over.

to build that new human dynamic of the current team that you have. This is not bad news. It's just continuing to practice for yourself as a leader on how you can do this better. When I finish working with a team, I usually say, this is where the real work starts. always, they always have my cell phone number. say, call me anytime. I'm happy to talk through things with you, but please don't stop. Don't stop the work that we've been doing. Please keep going.

And that is a plea for me to them because I can see the progress that has been made. I can see the work that people have put in. I can see the passion coming back and the laughter. And I just so badly want them to keep working on it even after I've left. You can keep going. And at least once a month, I want you to ask your team what is still working. Ask them, where are we drifting from where we said we were going to be, from the goals that we set for ourselves.

Desiree (24:56.001)
from the things that we said we were gonna do, where are we drifting? And what do we need to talk about before it turns into tension? I'm gonna put these three questions in the show notes for you in case you want to write them down at least once a month in a meeting. Go back, ask these questions, see where your team is feeling like things are working, and see where your team is feeling like things are starting to fall apart a little bit. This keeps the energy aligned. It keeps the issues small so that they never get back to that point where you feel like you have to rebuild trust from the bottom up.

It keeps things manageable for you as you continue to deal with challenges every day, which you will. That's what leadership is. Your job as a leader isn't to avoid conflict. We talked about this a lot in the last episode. Your job as a leader is to protect your team's energy. And continuing to do this on a daily basis, keeping the conversation going, never getting back to a place where it feels uncomfortable to have these conversations.

That is step number five, and that's the most important one. It's the one that even when I do work with teams, I don't get to be a part of a lot of the time. I'm already gone doing other things. And so I continuously check in, but it's the part that is 100 % on you as the leader to keep the conversation going. And I know that you can do it with these steps. I have absolutely no doubt that you have the tools that you need. So let's recap this for just a minute.

First things first, get everything out onto the table. Make sure there is nothing left unsaid. Step number two, start with awareness of the person. Make sure the individual, every individual is understanding themselves better so that they can clearly communicate who they are to others so that they can start to understand each other. Huge step, most important in my opinion. Step number three, find a common language again.

Disk, working genius, Myers-Briggs, strengths finders. These are common languages in the sense that if I said to you, I have an ID on disk, my team is going to understand what that means. They're going to understand what characteristics that might entail. That is a common language, but it's not as useful as, say, five dysfunctions of a team. Where now we're talking about productivity, we're talking about moving through our day to day. It's more about personality.

Desiree (27:12.907)
So something to think about when it comes to a shared language, there's a lot of ways that you can go about it. Five dysfunctions just happens to be my favorite. Step number four, rebuild with vulnerability. Use the word, don't use the word, but use the practice. Vulnerability can be hard for people to say. It can feel really resistant to them to want to actually partake. Just model it and it will start to make things better. And five, keep the conversation going. Continue to listen to this podcast. Continue to

read books, continue to talk to your team, to have a mentor, to go to personal and professional development events. That is what it means to be a leader and to keep growing with every single day. And you're already doing that. You're here. So thank you so much for being here, for turning workplace drama into...

Desiree (28:12.141)
So I am going to link a few of the questions from the leadership game. I'm gonna link those three questions in order to keep the conversation going so that you can start this work right away with your team. I would highly recommend that even if your team isn't in a place of complete drama and conflict, do these steps anyway. This is what's going to stop you from getting into workplace drama, which by the way, is what we're gonna talk about next week. It's the one mindset shift that is going to stop team drama.

before it starts to stop the negative kind of conflict. So make sure that you're following the show. You won't want to miss it. I have a huge favor to ask of you. As I'm recording this, is November 6th of 2025. If you're listening to this after, the favor still remains, but I have a huge goal of getting to 100 Apple and Spotify.

Desiree (29:17.759)
I have some amazing news to share with you. As of yesterday, I am

Desiree (29:32.301)
I have some awesome news to share with you. As of yesterday, the You're the Boss Now at podcast is now in the top 2.5 % of podcasts globally. That would not happen without you. So first off, thank you for being here. Thank you for continuing to show up. I appreciate you so much. I know I beg for these every single week, but if you would go and leave a rating and review on Spotify, Apple, wherever you listen to podcasts.

That is what helps this podcast to continue to grow in the ranks. It's what helps this podcast to reach new people who need what you are currently listening to. So if you'd be willing to do that for me, I would appreciate it beyond words. thank you so much again for showing up. Leadership is a privilege, but it is also a really big responsibility. And you're the boss now. So what are you going to do with it?