4 Ways to Get Your Energy Back as a Manager Without Burning Out

If you don’t have energy, you can’t lead well.

And yet… most managers are trying to push through exhaustion instead of fixing it.

You finish your workday drained.
 You go home with nothing left to give.
 And the things you want to do? They keep getting pushed to the bottom of the list.

So you tell yourself you’ll rest more.
 You’ll take a break.
 You’ll “fill your cup.”

But nothing actually changes.

Because the problem isn’t that you’re not trying.
 It’s that you’re trying to fix burnout the wrong way.

In this episode, we break down the 4 buckets that actually help you get your energy back—without adding more to your plate. This is real-life leadership development for busy managers who want to show up better at work and at home.

By the time you finish listening, you’ll learn:

•  The 4 buckets that help managers rebuild their energy without burnout 
•  Why most “self-care” advice doesn’t work (and what actually does) 
•  Simple ways to improve your energy, focus, and team management starting today 

This episode is your reminder that being a great leader isn’t about doing more.

It’s about having enough energy to lead the people around you well.

Read Desiree's Book  Taking Intentional Action: How to Choose the Life You Lead 

Additional Episodes 

Manager Tips for Better Sleep 

Secret to All Day Energy (Glucose episode) 

Mindset Shifts for Sustainable Goals 

How to Perform at a High Level Without Burning Out 

This podcast for managers is here to help you:

• Grow your leadership development
 • Navigate team management with confidence
 • Learn how to handle conflict at work
 • Apply real, practical leadership tips

If this episode helped you:

Share it with another manager
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Take the DISC or Working Genius Assessment and get a FREE 20 minutes debrief with Desiree 

Taking Intentional Action: How to Choose the Life You Lead

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Transcript

Desiree (00:02.274)
We all have the very best of intentions to live our life in a way that we can be proud of. We want to eat better and exercise more, read more, scroll less, play with our kids more, go out to eat more with our friends, spend more time with the loved ones that we have. And yet, a lot of us feel so drained at the end of a day of going to work and working hard and raising kids and doing everything on our list that we get put on the back burner. And those really good intentions to live a really good, happy, fulfilled life.

They just keep getting pushed further and further down the line. So as I did my mini episode on the things that I did over the weekend to take some things off my plate and subtract some thoughts from my head, I thought I want to do an entire episode on how we can fill our cup so that we can have the energy to move forward in a way that feels really good and to feel like we actually have what we need in order to give things to other people. So.

Welcome back to You're the Boss, Now What? I'm your host, Desiree Petriq, and our goal here is to help you lead yourself and your team with more confidence. So lean in and let's get started.

Desiree (01:16.258)
There is something about me that cringes at the words, fill your cup. And I think it's because we've heard it so often, you need to fill your cup before you can pour onto others. Even the concept of you need to put on your oxygen mask before you can help other people when you're on a plane. I think that it gets used so much that it's almost kind of like that sticky note that's sitting in the corner of your computer screen that says, sit up straighter.

It ends up being wallpaper. It ends up being something that we see so often out of the corner of our eye that it doesn't even register to us anymore that it's there, let alone what the message on it says. So here's my note to you. If you have any sticky notes on your screen reminding you of something, move them often so that it triggers your mind to think of what it is and what it says and to do the thing. But even with filling our cup or putting on your oxygen mask first or putting yourself first, there are things that we hear so often that we

forget sometimes what it actually means and how to actually do it. So today I wanted to cover the four buckets of things that I have really focused on over the last seven, eight years to feel like I am not only putting myself first as a tool to make sure that I'm giving the people that I love and the people around me what they need from me, but also doing it in a way that doesn't make me feel guilty. It makes me feel like I'm bringing the people alongside.

my journey and sharing with them and encouraging them to do the same and making sure that they know it's not out of reach for them to have some of this energy, happiness, joy, whatever you want to call it to. So if you want to go back and listen to the mini episode where I talked about the three things that I took out of my week to start to refill my cup, because I was definitely below zero for a little while there, running ragged. I took a couple of things off my to do list off of my plate.

and started to feel like, okay, I can do this again. There are going to be days where adding things in, it's going to feel completely impossible and that's okay. Sometimes we just have to subtract and not add. But if you are in a place where you feel like, okay, I need to do something for me, I am willing and able to ask for help and do the things that need to be done.

Desiree (03:37.794)
That's this is what we're going to talk about in today's episode. So the first bucket is physical energy. I have been someone who lifts weights and runs or walks or dances or you name it. There's really no form of exercise I don't enjoy other than cycling. I can leisurely ride a bike with my family, but you will never ever catch me on a stationary bike. But I digress. You may not love.

Exercise and that's okay physical energy energy is not just about physically moving our body. Is it a big piece of it? Yes, it is. But there's a couple of different subsections of this. So let's talk about the first one. It is sleep. Experts quote unquote experts are all over the board with this. How much sleep do you need in order to function at your best? Some people will say seven as a maximum. I've recently seen some people say nine as a maximum.

I a part of the maximum is testing it out for yourself. I truly need about seven hours in order to feel my best. I sit at my desk in a sedentary position. A lot of the day I do get out and exercise and walk, but it's not like my husband who is literally manual labor all day long, constantly moving. He needs about nine to 10 hours to truly feel like he's at his best the next day. Test it out.

really start to understand what you as an individual need. Experts are great. Research and data and studies are great, but it ultimately comes down to you. And don't lie to yourself and say that you need less than you do because you're only harming yourself and your next day's energy. I did an entire episode with a sleep expert on this exact topic. So if you want to go into the show notes, I'm going to just put episode on better sleep.

Click on that and you can go back and listen to Morgan Adams and I discuss sleep, circadian rhythms, mattresses, temperature, all of the good things. We won't go into it deeper here, but go and listen to that episode if sleep is one of those things that you know you could do better and you just haven't quite gotten there. My number one recommendation for you right now that you can do today is get your phone out of your bedroom. Get your phone out of your bedroom. I have been plugging mine in in my bathroom.

Desiree (05:56.76)
for eight years now, I believe. And I have an entire episode on how you can wake up early, not hit the snooze button, get your feet on the floor and actually wake up. So I'll link that in the show notes as well. And there are so many tips and tricks and hacks and I essentially tricked myself into waking up early and staying up.

And I think that it might work for you too. So go check out either of those links. If sleep is the thing that you are like, yep, that's me. I need better quality sleep. I need more sleep, et cetera. Do you feel like you crash every day at 3 p.m.? That's gonna be another thing that you're going to want to focus on when it comes to sleep. And speaking of...

Desiree (06:49.494)
If every day at 2 p.m. you feel like you need a nap, then sleep is probably the culprit. So you're going to definitely want to go check out those episodes. But if you feel like you are crashing at 2 p.m. or even worse, if you wake up every morning at 330 a.m. like clockwork, it's probably more to do with your nutrition than your sleep. And I know that might surprise some people, but I've been doing a lot of reading up on sugar levels, glucose levels.

sugar intake, et cetera. even had...

Desiree (07:30.604)
I even did an entire podcast episode on everything that I learned in regards to glucose on the podcast. So I'll link that in the show notes below as well. If you feel like there might be something with your glucose that you are needing to do, if you eat something, even something like...

Desiree (08:01.194)
If you feel like you are super energized one moment and then the next moment you crash, or if you're scared to eat because you know you're going to go into a slump afterwards, you're going to want to go and listen to that episode on glucose. And I have that under the nutrition and hydration kind of bucket that we're looking in here under physical energy, because there is so much that can be done. And no, it doesn't mean that you have to cut out sugar and pop and all of those things. If those are things that give you joy,

That is fine, but don't use them to give you energy because it might be backfiring on you in a way that you don't understand. If you eat a candy bar on its own, that sugar is going straight into your bloodstream, causing an extreme high, which might feel good for the moment. But a lot of people are actually going to notice shaking and a little bit of brain fog and their eyes might go a little wide. And then an hour or two later, they crash and they can't figure out why.

It's not that you can't have the candy bar. It's the order in which you eat it. So go into the show notes, listen to that episode because this nutrition and hydration one is really hard for me when I'm thinking about self care and I'm thinking about the fact that I know I will feel better if I eat better. I actually really struggle with it because I love candy and chips and ice cream. I don't drink pop, but that was something that.

Desiree (09:31.948)
I have heard experts say you need to get rid of refined sugar and refined grains. And I'm like, thanks, but no thanks. Like I've tried, I failed. I'm actually not interested. I like it too much. But there are ways that you can utilize those things in your diet that aren't going to affect you in such a negative way. The other thing about hydration is that they say that you need to get half of your body weight in ounces of water. And you can do that in a lot of different ways. You can...

Desiree (10:07.948)
you can use.

Desiree (10:24.408)
Hydration is the other piece of this, obviously, nutrition and hydration bubble of needing to get more water. One thing that I've really noticed with more water is my skin actually looks better. And I know that it seems kind of ridiculous. But, you know, in the summer, when you get that tan glow and you just feel more confident and more energized, water will do that for you, too. It's not going to give you a tan, but it will give you the fullness. will reduce the look of your wrinkles. And when you look

better when you look in the mirror and you know that what you're putting into your body is affecting the outside of your body. It truly is a great motivator for how you can keep going. Getting that water in. I'm not telling you you can't have coffee. I am a little bit telling you you shouldn't drink energy drinks because they studies are not good. But I'm not telling you you can't drink the things that you love. just saying pair it with more water than you're currently drinking. Half of your body weight in ounces.

In other words, if you weighed 200 pounds to make it easy, you would want to train and shoot for 100 ounces of water per day. The third thing is movement. I already said I enjoy exercise and you may be tuned out right there. You're like, I can't get on board with this. But when I think about making it work for you, there was a mini episode a couple of weeks ago about making it work for you.

A lot of people are trying to force themselves into a routine that works for other people. They try to run or to lift or to dance or to spin, to ride bike because it's what everyone else is doing or because it looks like it's working for someone. Someone else lost weight or got more fit because they were engaging in those types of exercise. Physical movement is a walk. I stretch every night and it's a form of physical movement for me.

I got on the trampoline last night with my kids. I promise you that is a form of physical movement. It does not need to look like what it looks like for other people. It gets to look like what you want it to look like. Getting that movement in throughout the day, it's counterintuitive because we think if I'm tired, that movement is going to make me more tired or I'm tired and I don't have the energy to move. But it's the resistance.

Desiree (12:41.568)
from the transition of I'm sitting on the couch and I don't want to move, I'm too tired. If we can get through that transition, we can put on our shoes and get outside. I promise you the movement piece will feel good. And if after five minutes it doesn't, that's OK. But I promise you that the walk will make you feel more energized, not less. Getting that movement in is going to fill your cup. You're going to feel stronger. You're going to feel accomplished.

on both the mental and physical side, and you're going to start to crave it if you can put it into your routine on a daily basis. Now here's the part where I said, you get to bring people with you. I said, I jumped on the trampoline with my kids. I needed movement. I wanted to spend time with my kids, two birds, one stone. Plus the fourth piece of this,

Desiree (13:38.648)
plus the fourth piece of fetishic hole.

Desiree (13:47.822)
Plus, the fourth piece of physical energy is to get outside. Now, if you live in Minnesota like me, that can feel hard sometimes in the winter, but the weather is getting nicer. And not going outside yesterday literally made me feel guilty, like I was wasting a nice day being inside. So killing three birds, one stone, trampoline, kids, outside. We can do these things in conjunction with each other. Invite a friend to go on a walk with you.

two birds, one stone, you're getting that connection and those relationships built. And you're going outside for the vitamin D, for the fresh air, for the feeling of, wow, I am a lot smaller in this world than the problems that the problems make me feel sometimes. Sometimes our problems feel so massive and sitting in a room staring at our computer, which is so close to our face. And it just feels like

we are constricted on ourselves. Like we are the only thing and these problems are insurmountable. But go outside. Look out into the distance. If it's nighttime, look up at the stars and just truly contemplate how small you are in relation to everything going on around you. The problems that feel so big to us are not as big as they seem. And if we can change our mindset around that, it truly is going to start to help us feel like we can overcome anything. So get outside.

It is a part of our physical energy. I don't do this a lot. I don't know if I fully believe in the grounding with your feet on the ground as far as getting your toes in the sand, but the physical feeling of grounding, of planting your feet on the ground and just feeling that energy kind of come back to you. It's something I talk about a lot when I'm teaching group fitness. You're doing something that feels hard. Plant your feet, pull energy up from the ground. It's the only other place that's connected to you right now and just

feel that expand within your body. It's a physical feeling, a mind-body connection that if you know it's there, you can find it. That took almost 15 minutes just to get through physical. Apparently, I had more about it to say than I thought I did. So let's keep going. The bucket number two is mental. This one is a little bit harder because it's less tangible. It truly is less about something we can track sometimes and more about the intention of doing the thing.

Desiree (16:10.764)
In other words, quiet time. I struggle with this more than you would believe. I really struggle to sit in silence. Even sleeping without a fan is really hard. Some people don't need that quiet time as much as others. Some people need it way worse. Go on a walk without music. Go on a walk without a book or a podcast. Go on a walk with someone else and just agree.

that you're not going to talk for the first 10 minutes and you're just going to feel one another's presence and match each other's pace and stride and you're going to just walk. It's going to allow your head to process the things that we have not given it time to process. Find a way to find some silence in your day and allow your brain to catch up. A lot of times our stress and anxiety is because we haven't given ourselves time to figure out what we're stressed and anxious about.

Being able to put emotions into words, being able to put that feeling of stress, anxiety, apprehension, nervousness, whatever it might be into words can help us to deal with that problem that feels insurmountable. The second one, this is the biggest one for me. And I actually just had someone in my intentional leader cohort say that he bought a second phone for his work because he didn't like having his email notifications on his phone. I think that is

Brilliant. think it's a fantastic idea to take your email off of your phone altogether if you find it distracting you. I do not have notifications on for my email ever. I don't have notifications on for really anything other than text message. I don't have notifications. I should say push notifications, something that's going to alert you when it comes through for any. I don't actually have social media on my phone at all because I have an obsessive type personality.

And my ability to say no to social media or games is not there. And so I just take away the temptation altogether. I am much more of an abstainer from things that feel hard like candy, like pop. I either have to decide all or nothing. And that might feel really scary to some people and it might feel really restrictive. But if you can have a bowl of candy in your office and just say, I'll have one piece a day.

Desiree (18:34.412)
Good for you, I can't do that. So we're all different. We all have to find what tools and tricks work for us.

Desiree (18:44.482)
work for us. Just like email and phone and social media, those notifications of knowing that it's there waiting for you is the same thing as something like candy sitting on your desk or pop available at any given time. It is a notification that is sitting there, drawing our attention away and asking us to stop what it is that we're doing. Reduce the noise, reduce the mental noise of having those things available to you by getting rid of them.

I'm not saying you can't have email on your phone, but even at night when I go to check the email app on my phone, I have a quick reminder with myself that if there's something there that I don't like, it's going to affect my sleep and I choose not to open it. Once you have that ability to stop yourself and not allow your first thought to be your final action, you're going to be a lot better off at being able to reduce that noise on a daily basis.

And something my husband and I were just talking about when it comes to mental health is brain dumps. He made the comment, like, I can't write a list. It would be 10 things that need to get done today and 100 things that need to get done between now and three years from now. I said, I write lists, I brain dump things when I can feel that anxiety coming up in my head and I just need to get it out of my head. I need to get that mental noise out.

And so I write a big list and it's not even because I'm going to follow the list or check things off the list. It's because I feel like I'm going to forget something if it's only in my head, which you will. There are so many studies done that our head can only retain things for so long, specifically if it's a fleeting thought that goes through our heads. It's why they say put a notebook and pen by your bedside table. So if you wake up in the middle of the night with a thought, you can write it down.

because the stress of not being able to remember that thing that night will keep you up. And the stress of the fact that you forgot it the next day when you know that you had a thought and you can't remember it. Those are another form of mental noise that we can shut down simply by having a way to get it on paper. So brain dump, a journal available if you're someone who needs to get those thoughts out in a more like writing style way. I'm more of a list writer.

Desiree (21:07.348)
And that helps me. can't journal. I get too distracted and I don't want to do it. So that's another way that you can have that mental fill your cup is journaling. And the last one is meditation. I say this one and I want you to understand I am not a meditator. I cannot sit on the floor. I already told you I hate silence. I can't do it. But there have been some studies done lately showing how much less the population of humans can read.

and sit down and look at a physical book for long periods of time because our attention spans are so short at this time that it is physically harder for people to sit down and read a book. Reading a physical book is a form of meditation simply because it requires you to focus on something for a long amount of time.

Desiree (22:17.76)
One thing that I have started doing with my kids, and this is gonna tie right into our next one, which is connection, is.

Desiree (22:36.53)
is reading a chapter book to them while they color or sit there and play with stickers or something. This was something that when I was in sixth grade, our teacher did every day after lunch. He would sit at the front of the room and read a chapter book to us and we would just sit and color or whatever. And I have been loving doing that with my kids. I kind of questioned if they would be able to comprehend not because they're

Too young, mean, four and six can easily comprehend something like that, but because the attention span I was worried about, but being able to have them even focus on listening for that long without actually watching something has been really interesting and something that we can now do as a family in the evenings. So another way that you can not only build connections, but meditate in the form of reading, get more books in if that happens to be a goal of yours, that fills my cup.

so much, especially when my husband snaps a picture. It's like this is something that I am so glad that I'm building with my kids is a love of reading and books and stories. It's something that I've always had and I'm doing my darnedest to make sure that they have that as well. So going back into connections, here are just a couple of things that you can do. And I have this as connection and disconnection because both are important. And I think sometimes we think that more is better than less, but it's not always the case.

So the first one that I have is schedule a friend date. I know it's hard when you've got kids and you've got responsibilities and volunteer opportunities and work and all of the things. The exact reason why we feel like our cups are not full in the first place in scheduling a date with a friend where someone has to watch our kids or, you know, we have to take time out of our busy schedule. It's really hard. But finding time to sit down with someone and have a conversation that goes deeper than

the surface level that talks about, you know, shared reminiscence or it talks about our fears or anxieties. We can talk about our dreams and our goals, being able to comfortably sit down with someone and talk about what's on our head, not in a venting, complaining kind of way, because I personally don't think that that's helpful. But in a dreaming, like I said, going back and looking at the past, seeing how far you've come, being able to engage in that kind of way with a person.

Desiree (24:57.494)
It's something that we just don't get an opportunity to do very often. And that fills my cup. I leave those conversations with my friends and I feel so motivated and excited for what's coming next. You can do that too. Say no to things that drain you. Again, I talked about this in my leadership tips episode this week, but being able to reschedule meetings when you feel resistance is a huge tell for you. So what do I mean by that? Resistance is actually one of my

favorite words because it is a feeling that for too long I didn't know how to put a name to. But I will give you an example. Last summer I was supposed to take my husband and my kids on a three hour trip to see my cousin and we were going to stay there for three days and it was we've done it every year. It's something that we truly enjoy and we really like. But I had this feeling of not wanting to go. I had this feeling of like trying to come up with any excuse that I could.

to not go, almost praying that one of us would get sick so that we wouldn't have to go. And I just thought, I am feeling so much resistance around this right now. It feels like my body is telling me not to go because I just don't have the energy for it. And it felt really hard, but this is one of those productive type conflict, not lying, being totally honest. I called my cousin and I just said, here's what I'm feeling. I'm feeling a lot of resistance around this.

I think it's because we are so busy in our schedule and it's our only time as a family. And a lot of it is driving and my kids don't like the car. And I just kind of told her the feelings behind the resistance once I finally put a name to it. And she was like, I'm so glad you said something. I've been feeling the same way. We hide those feelings from one another because we feel guilty or we feel like we can't let other people down. But sometimes it just takes someone to say it, to put a name to the resistance and be able to

to make the changes that need to be made. It's okay to say no to things. You can reschedule. I know a lot of people will say don't cancel on your friends, especially if you're just sitting home doing nothing, but sometimes what we need is to recharge by not doing anything. And I know it's contradictory to a couple of the things that I said, but getting to know yourself well enough to put a name to feelings like resistance or frustration or anxiety.

Desiree (27:24.298)
It's really going to help you to understand what you need in order to fill your cup in that time. And then the last one is setting boundaries. It's really hard to set boundaries because we think that if we set a boundary, that's it. People are going to listen. For example, say you have a parent who feeds your kids a lot of sugar and you have a conversation with your spouse that you need to put a stop to it and you finally get up the

the nerve to say to your mom or dad, we don't want our kid to have excessive amounts of sugar before bed. It always ends up in nightmares and it's just not worth it. Please do not do that. We think, OK, we told them now it's fine and good. But boundaries are not setting the boundary. Boundaries are holding the boundary so that when they feed your kid sugar again right before bed, you are able to say, I set the expectation for you to not do that. I asked

in the best way that I could. And now we're not going to have you watch them for a while. And that might feel like a disadvantage to you because you now lost a babysitter, but we have to understand the boundaries that we're setting. Make sure that we are willing to hold the boundary because if you're not, then don't set it in the first place. But a boundary is not setting it. The boundary is holding it.

And that's a hard responsibility sometimes, but it's something we need to do with our kids, with our parents, with our teams, with our coworkers, et cetera. Setting boundaries is a way that we can both connect and disconnect from the things that make us feel anything but energized. And the last bucket here that I wanna go over is personal identity. I only have one thing in this bucket.

And I actually thought about leaving it off, but I think it's really important. And it's to find a hobby. Find a hobby that you can do with someone else, with your spouse. Your hobby can literally be watching old timey westerns. Your hobby can be watching true time. Your hobby can be whatever you want it to be. It can be sewing or knitting. Mine happens to be exercising to...

Desiree (29:44.12)
teaching group fitness, it happens to be walking and listening to a book. That is something that I can share with other people, but I don't necessarily have to. My husband's hobby is working. He really enjoys watching videos about the things that he does with machines and he enjoys the actual physical task of doing them. What are your hobbies? What are things that you enjoy? What are things that you spend time doing? Some people's hobby is food.

They really like going to restaurants and trying new things and being in the environment. That's great. A hobby doesn't need to be something that takes up a lot of time or money. It can simply be something that you enjoy doing and talking about and thinking about and doing with other people and having that personal identity of this is who I am and what I like to do. I think it's really important for filling our cup and reminding ourselves that there is no guilt required to take off an hour and ask for someone to

to watch your kids if you happen to have kids. There is nothing that should make you feel guilty about that because it is something that will fill your cup so that maybe one day you can share that hobby with the people around you. Maybe you can share it with your kids. Maybe it will help you and your spouse get closer and spend more time together because you found something that you both enjoy. Personal identity comes down to who are you, what do you like doing, and who do you like doing it with? And being able to share that with other people.

will help you to feel more grounded in your values and what it is that you enjoy. It will help you fill your cup so that you can help other people.

One last question before we finish this episode off is how do I do these things without burning out? The whole point is that I want to not burn out at work. I'm a busy leader. I have responsibilities. Maybe you have kids or aging parents and you think I already feel like I'm going to burn out and you're telling me to add all these things to my list, to add all these responsibilities, to think about all these different goals and such. How do I do that?

Desiree (31:47.418)
I have already answered that question a couple of times in different episodes, so I wanted to link them in the show notes for you, one of which being three mindset shifts for setting sustainable goals without burning out. And the other one is a conversation that I had with my friend Nicole a couple of years ago, but I still think about it today, and it's how to perform at a high level without burning out. So go and listen to either of those episodes if your fear is that you are already overworked and you just can't even imagine putting more effort.

into yourself. But I'm here to tell you that you get to do it without any guilt, without any feelings one way or the other. You get to be proud about it. I hope that if you do the things that make you happy that you actually get to feel a sort of pride for setting that example for the people around you. Because what is this life if not a way to express who we are through the things that we do and the people that we love and the hobbies that we get to enjoy?

It's the point, in my opinion. So I look forward to hearing what your thoughts are on this episode. Do you want more personalized episodes like this or should we stick with leadership and team building, et cetera? Next week's episode, we're going to go back into how we can motivate someone who doesn't seem to care. And there are so many things that we're going to talk about in that both that we can do, but that we can encourage in others.

in order to make sure that our teams care in the way that we do. So thank you so much for joining me here today on You're the Boss, Now What? Please leave a rating and review, share this episode with a friend, let me know what your thoughts were, send me a message on LinkedIn, check out all of the different episodes that we've already recorded that dive deeper into each of these specific episodes.

Desiree (33:39.32)
specific topics and I look forward to

Desiree (33:54.36)
And just remember that leadership is a privilege, but it's also a really big responsibility. And you're the boss now. So what are you gonna do with it?