Connecting and Communicating Across Generations at Work | Liz Carlson

Right now you're leading up to five generations on the same team, and most of what's getting lost between them has nothing to do with personality.

In this episode, Desiree sits down with workplace teacher Liz Carlson to unpack why communication breaks down across generations, what shaped the way each generation shows up at work, and how leaders can start closing the gap without walking on eggshells.

Liz shares what she's learned spending years inside real teams, including why 93 percent of communication is nonverbal, how Gen Z is misunderstood rather than broken, and why Gen X, millennials, and boomers each bring their own hardwired communication style to the table.

Key Topics Covered:

• Why the basics of communication get skipped in favor of new programs and assessments
• The breakdown of nonverbal communication and why tone and body language carry more weight than words
• What's really going on with Gen Z's communication habits
• How each generation was shaped, by parenting, technology, and the workplace they came into
• Practical ways to lead people who process the world differently than you do
• Why culture is defined by the worst behavior tolerated, not the best intentions

About Liz Carlson:

Liz Carlson is a workplace teacher who spends her time inside real teams, helping leaders close the communication gaps that get in the way of trust and culture. She spent 12 years teaching in higher education, including designing and delivering business communication courses, and now brings that same lens to workplaces navigating five generations under one roof.

Connect with Liz on Linkedin

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Transcript

Desiree (00:00.75)
All right, friends, we are here with Liz Carlson. Not only is she speaking at the conference this summer, but she is a friend of mine who brings the energy to everything she does. And it's something I appreciate more than she could ever possibly know. But Liz, I want to know from you, what is something that you're noticing in the industry right now of the corporate space, the workplace, that's kind of a gap that's not getting talked about enough.

Liz Carlson (00:25.86)
Yeah. great question, Desiree. Okay, so hello friends. I am thrilled to be here. As you know, my name is Liz Carlson and I am a workplace teacher, I call myself, because I actually go into the workplace and spend time with teams. And the thing that I see again and again that's glaring is just the absence of foundation in communication. And here's what I mean by that.

I think so oftentimes we seek a new program, we seek a consultant, we seek expertise to come in and fix. And while all of that has value, it has its time and its place. Oftentimes the workplace isn't ready yet for that because the basics of communication are not in place. So if you're a leader listening to this, I want you to think about this. How you communicate is how you lead.

How you show up in front of a room in a one-on-one conversation, that is your leadership. So when I speak to the foundation, the gaps I see are simple. Now they're often in our nonverbals, right? Some leaders show up with the right words, with the perfect polish, but their body language is saying, There's there's no place I want to be other, or excuse me, their their body language is just saying I'd rather be

Any place but here. Or in that same delivery, they have the right words, but their tone reads, lame, I'm bored, check a box, right? So 93% of our communication is nonverbal. 93%. And the breakdown of that is 55% of how people read you, okay, as a leader, is based off how you show up physically.

Now, to break that down a bit further, 38% of the meaning of your communication comes from your tone. And this is so often times where we phone it in. We have the right words, but we deliver it like this. Now, Desiree, you are dynamic in how you deliver your words. You show up with your full person. But we could take the very same words out of your mouth and remove that energy and that tone, and it will have no meaning.

Liz Carlson (02:52.235)
So when we look at this 100%, right, 55% comes from our nonverbal behavior. 38% of the meaning comes from tone, and just a mere 7% of the meaning of your message is coming from the actual words. And this is what I think we get passwords in the workforce, right? We put all our focus into what am I going to say? Okay, I need to practice this. How do I deliver this with the perfect words? And while

Of that matters, hear me on that. That preparation absolutely matters. The majority of the meaning of our message is going to come from what is beyond our words, from what is embedded in our nonverbal behavior and our tone. And in truth, that's how our brains are wired. We are hardwired to trust what we see and trust what we feel over what we hear. So oftentimes we think of that as like gut instinct, right?

That is your BS meter. It's reading, reading the other person and seeing if their words are in alignment with their body. So if we can see it and we can hear it, we trust it. So to circle back, Desiree to your question, so oftentimes what I'm seeing in the workforce force is great ideas, right? The best of intention, but the execution isn't there because we're just missing the basics. We got to go back.

To the foundations of communication, which is, you know, your nonverbal behavior and of course your verbals, but also your listening skills.

Desiree (04:28.856)
Been working with a team close to you actually. And it was funny, I had a one-on-one with one of the leaders yesterday who's struggling a little bit with their team. She's she's like, you know, I thought that doing working genius with this team was just gonna fix our problems. And she's like, then I listened to your podcast episode with Jacob Brown, one of our other speakers for the conference, which was called Slow to Hire, Quick to Fire. And she's like, I don't think this is gonna fix my problems. Cause she's like, I it's not a quick fix.

Liz Carlson (04:44.001)
Mm.

Desiree (04:57.662)
She figured that out for herself. And I think exactly what you said of it's the foundation and it has to be baked into the culture of what we're doing. Cause as much as you and I want to be like, you know, bring us in for a workshop. We want to come work with you. And we do, but the leaders on the team have to be bought in. They have to know that it's a change that starts with them. And it has to be something long term. It can't be a one-day thing and all your problems are going to be.

Liz Carlson (05:15.489)
Yeah.

Liz Carlson (05:19.629)
Yes.

Desiree (05:25.6)
Fixed, it has to be baked in, it has to be practiced, it has to be held accountable to, et cetera, et cetera. It's not a one time deal.

Liz Carlson (05:28.387)
Yes.

Liz Carlson (05:33.538)
Amen. Okay, so for your listeners, Desiree, I'm sure they're familiar with Adam Grant. One of his quotes that I hold so dear is culture is defined by the worst behavior tolerated. So to your point, we put so much effort into okay, let you know, let's do a disk assessment, working genius, EOS. While all that has value, so oftentimes that

Person who is derailing the culture in their attitudes, in their words, and that is not being addressed, that's defining what the culture is at work. So unfortunately, culture is defined by the worst behavior tolerated. And as a leader, that's on us, right? The onus is on us to have those tough conversations about accountability and how you're showing up. And again, it points to communication. So if you, for example, I've

I do some consultant work in the hotel industry. So if a guest walked in and the front desk person is slumped down, right, shoulders shrugged, on their phone, what is that communicating? It's communicating I don't want to be here and you are not of priority to me. And so oftentimes those are the things that I see are missing in the workforce. It's the basics of, you know, we show up and we're there with intention and we're

there with energy for the task at hand.

Desiree (07:02.902)
My husband and I went out to eat at a restaurant the other day and we are notoriously great tippers. And I say that because I was a waitress for a long time. And so I'm like, if they do a great job, they're getting twenty-five percent. And we walked in and within a minute we looked at each other and were like, their tip is is not gonna be great. No one looked at us. They like four different people avoided looking at us to seat us. Asking for ketchup was like asking for the moon. And I

Liz Carlson (07:08.857)
Yeah. Yeah.

Desiree (07:31.404)
I'm curious what your thoughts are, and I think this is, you know, specific to this situation, but also just in general, is it that we don't know these things? We've never been taught them, and so that they're not in our repertoire of tools that we can use, or is it that we're learning from the people around us and it feels more cool to be nonchalant if the nonverbals are not there for the rest of the team? Like like what is it? What where is the gap created for these?

Liz Carlson (07:59.972)
Right.

Desiree (08:00.642)
things that are showing up so preval prevalently.

Liz Carlson (08:03.417)
That is such a great question. Okay. So I'm gonna lean into this a little bit. For our listeners, I spent 12 years teaching in higher education. So I taught in the MBA program at the University of Sioux Falls, and I also designed and delivered business communication courses at Southeast Technical College in Sioux Falls. And so specifically I wanna speak to my time with the Southeast Technical crew because that is our Gen Z.

This is our newest entrance into the workforce. And Gen Z will make up about 30% of our workforce by 2030. So Gen Z, as you can, as you can imagine, grew up with far more technology than you or I did, Desiree. And so I think a lot of that gap that you're speaking to is one, just overuse of technology. The the ability to communicate with

out nonverbals without having to be present. It isn't practiced. And then I think, secondly, to your point, there is a level of conformity where when everyone else is nonchalant, you don't want to be the eager beaver who's on your toes. Now, here is what I believe about Gen Z. I think they're an amazing generation and I have so much hope in them. They do not come packaged with the predetermined beliefs that a lot of other generations did because they have had technology

Their fingertips for the majority of their life. They think more big picture. They are not one to digest a soundbite or propaganda and believe it to be true. So we are raising, raising in the workforce as if I'm their mother, but we are raising good thinkers. Gen Z are thinkers, they're critical thinkers. They think at the speed of thought because they've always had technology to assist them in their thinking. But

This communication piece we speak of, it is not gone. Okay. It's not a lost art. It's just unpracticed. Now, I read a statistic recently that the average adult has an 8.25, 8.25 second attention span when scrolling online. 8.25 seconds. Now, when we translate that to work, that doesn't mean they only have an 8.25 second attention span.

Desiree (10:00.322)
Mm-hmm.

Liz Carlson (10:27.833)
Hear me on that, it isn't a lot better. So we as leaders, we need to train to the standard, right? That we we need, that defines our culture, that takes care of our people and supplies our mission. And that is the unique thing, the position we're in in the workforce right now. We are acting in terms of personality and behavior formation as mentors.

You know, we we represent community, we represent family, we represent relationship to a lot of our employees. And so there is a level like, yes, we want it to be caught, right? They need to see you stand up straight, making eye contact, engaged in the conversation, but it also needs to be taught because much of the teaching of that didn't happen in our later generations at work. And again, that points back to the basics.

Right? When you walk into work, do you have your head up? Do you have your shoulders pulled back? Are you making eye contact? That alone fixes so many problems, right? If we're aware and we're anticipating what people need around us versus what you described, right? Head down, glued to the phone, and they look up and you're a nuisance because you interrupted their scroll. So, yeah.

roundabout way to answer that question, but I believe it's both environmental and it takes focused intentional education in terms of the nonverbals as well as the verbals and the listening skills.

Desiree (12:07.086)
So I'm gonna throw a wrench in that and say with the teams that I've worked with, I have actually had a lot of the Gen Z millennial, if we're talking generations now, because you started it. If we're talking generations, the Gen Z and the Millennials will say, Well, I want to have a good time. I want to, you know, be upbeat and things, but my boss is a curmudgeon. Or, you know, the older generation doesn't seem to want to do they just want to work all the time, which valid. But also it's like, how are we?

Liz Carlson (12:33.262)
Yeah.

Desiree (12:37.154)
Blending the communication styles of all of the different generations. I I recently was scrolling on Facebook and there's this new trend where it's an older generation individual doing something like fixing a car. And it's like when you have the personality higher mentor following you for the day, and the person in the back's just dancing and having a great time. And they're like, I'm an awesome person to work with because I'm gonna make you happy and I'm gonna make you smile and I'm gonna ask about your weekend.

But am I ultimately like as involved and as i it's not as important to me to get things done in a timely manner as it is to you? So how are we blending all of these things and not putting too much judgment on people that are different than us?

Liz Carlson (13:15.137)
Yeah.

Liz Carlson (13:19.083)
I love this. In fact, I have a whole workshop on this, Desiree, you know, communicating to connect across generations from boomers to zoomers. And I think at the root of that is respect for everyone's generation. There isn't a wrong time to be born, right? We showed up at when we did. But so much of how we grew up shapes how we communicate. So a generation is shaped.

By three things, and these are broad buckets, right? They're shaped by parents. How we are parented shapes how we we approach the world. Secondly, a generation is shaped by what technology was available when they were coming of age. So that boomer leaned on radio and television, right? Which makes sense that our boomers at work, their primary and preferred mode of communication is auditory.

They want to talk it out. And some would say they want to talk it to death, right? They process out loud. So for that millennial to understand that they can approach that conversation with a little more patience, with a little more time, right? Now I fall into the Gen X, okay? Gen X were those born between 65 and 1980.

And we were raised by boomers, and we are considered the most independent generation because for those of you listening to this, if you're a Gen X, right, you probably spent a lot of time alone. it was the first generation where both parents were working outside the home historically across the United States. So our methods of communication were post-it notes, whiteboards. Lord knows we did not call our parents at work unless, like

somebody was maimed or lost a limb, right? Like that was just not a thing. So that figured out generation. So how does that play out at work? Gen X, we're the grinders. That scenario you're describing, I can fall into so quick. You know, if you're not, if you're not helping me, get out of my way. Watch me work. Right. So when you can approach a Gen Xer with business first, they don't want the small talk. They want, okay,

Liz Carlson (15:36.014)
Give me numbers, show me how you're tracking, how does this look? Project update. Start with that. And then you can follow up with, okay, how was your weekend? How's your kid? Right? So when we know just a little bit about the buckets of generations at work, we can begin with a simple nod of respect to their preferences. And now hear me, Des, that doesn't fix everything, but it creates safety and comfort in communication.

Now, millennials, millennials are fantastic. Millennials were the first to like step into work and say, What the heck? Why are we doing this the way we've always done it? I was leading in in the corporate world when our millennials were entering, and I was a young leader myself. I was mid-20s. And many of my directors would say, Liz, what are we gonna do with these millennials? They want to set their own schedule, they want to work from home. They were the first person to say, Do I have to be here to do the work?

If I can do the same work from a different location. And early 2000s, this freaking rocked the workforce, right? But I think now of all the great change that has been implemented implemented and the flexibility and the autonomy, because these millennials like call bullshit, right? They questioned, they pressed back. So generations, they all come somewhat with their presets.

But at the same time, just like any family, how you can respect and love people who think differently, look differently, act differently, that is our ultimate goal at work. And it begins with that baseline understanding of okay, generation, boomer, X, Millennial, Z, these are some of their preferences. How do we work with that and draw out their best versus create

friction and push back against that because it runs contrary to how we communicate.

Desiree (17:34.612)
Mm-hmm. I love it. this turned into a generation talk, which I love. For anyone listening, there is a book, A New Kind of Diversity, that speaks a lot to the way each generation was formed. And Liz, you just summed it up perfectly. But for anyone looking for a book on generations in the workplace, that's one I love. Do you have any specific ones that speak to you?

Liz Carlson (17:41.933)
Yeah.

Liz Carlson (17:57.058)
No, I think you hit the best one. also, like, don't be afraid to go on YouTube. There is if you're a leader right now and you're like, yes, this is the thing that's driving me nuts, get on YouTube and simply search up best communication practices for the generations at work. We currently are working alongside five generations. And that is the first time in history that we have had such diversity in those we work around.

So if you're looking for something fast, get on YouTube. There is some great practical fast hitting things. but yeah, to your point, like an at depth is going to help you understand that big picture. But I also realize as leaders, sometimes we just need something fast and hard. Don't be afraid to YouTube.

Desiree (18:43.66)
Yeah. I

I think that when it comes to this conversation, it can almost feel like an excuse. Like, I can't get along with this person because of a different disc style, a different communication style. I can't get along with this person because they don't see things the way that I see them. To finish up our conversation, Liz, what are some of those like actual tips and tricks? Not just concepts, no fluff. I know you, you're no fluff. What are some of those things that you're like?

Liz Carlson (18:56.729)
Yeah.

Desiree (19:17.378)
Cut the excuses, here's what you need to do.

Liz Carlson (19:20.313)
In terms of generation, says Ray, or just in general?

Desiree (19:25.067)
Yes and yes.

Liz Carlson (19:27.001)
Okay, all right. So, leaders, and I'm gonna speak to leaders here first. This is your responsibility. This is where culture creation lands, right? For those of you who are not leaders on the call, please, you know, please take pause and hear this as well. But this is your responsibility. The communication setting, the environment, the climate you create is

Either assisting and flourishing harmony in your office, or it's working against it. So you set the tone. So everything we talked about on this call, this is one thing I guarantee every person can do. Show up like you give a shit, right? Have your eyes up, have your phone tucked away, be panning that room. Half of a leader's role is just anticipating needs and intuiting.

Where to jump in, who to help, words that soothe, right? So number one, show up like you care, because that is going to be reciprocated in everybody else. You as the leader, if you walk in with some pep in your step, right, your shoulders squared, you're gonna see everyone else respond that. They're going to look up. Second thing does be a listener. Listen like your life depended on.

On it. Nobody ever lost their job due to good listening skills, right? Listening is what susses out the subtleties that are eroding your culture. Now, I'm using listening in broad terms, but let's get more intentional with that. Are you having one-on-ones with your leaders? Are your leaders having one-on-ones with their employees? Are your teams meeting together on a regularly scheduled basis?

Now, people might roll their eyes at these things and think that they're secondary to the work. In leadership, this is the work. This is the work. So you, as the leader, need to get intentional about listening. And part of that listening, yes, is understanding that person and problem solving and supporting them. But above all, what you're doing when you're listening is creating psychological safety. When people

Liz Carlson (21:49.194)
Safe at work, so much of the caddy dissolves. So much of the irritation, the backstabbing, it goes away because we're not competing for the resource of our leaders' time and attention. We all have safety. Okay? So show up like it matters. Listen. And then lastly, I'm gonna just say be intentional across the board. How you speak, how you use your body.

how you use time. When you're intentional, let's say you're leading a meeting and you have an agenda and you stay to that agenda and you include everyone in the conversation and the meeting ends at the scheduled time, you're communicating something so powerful. You're saying your time matters and so does mine. We have to take that stigma out of meetings that it's just a waste of time. And now hear me, many of them are. But as the leader, the onus is on you.

So show up like you care. Listen, listen like your life depended on it and be intentional.

Desiree (22:55.182)
I love it. Perfect place to finish. Liz, thank you so much. If you do not have a ticket to the Intentional Leader Summit as of yet, you can get one at Intentional Leadersummit.com. You're not going to want to miss it. And thank you so much for showing up for you. The fact that you're listening right now means that you're showing up for those that you lead. And I am proud of you and thankful for you. So just remember that leadership is a privilege, but it's also a really big responsibility. And you're the boss now. So what are you going to do with it?

Liz Carlson (22:57.923)
Yes, you said that.

Liz Carlson (23:21.345)
Okay.