Who Are You When The Mirror Clears? Inside The Stall Part 1: AL

Ever feel like you can talk anyone through a storm except yourself? We open the door to the stall and get honest about self-worth, shame, and why simplicity isn’t easy until it’s necessary. Al shares a raw season of endings and beginnings—a long relationship closing, a bruising job hunt, and the slow realization that helping others doesn’t count as self-care. The breakthrough isn’t a hack; it’s a shift: let go of what you can’t control, anchor in gratitude, and make “less is more” the way you move.

We unpack how identity can get welded to applause, titles, and timing, and why a single no can drown out a room full of yes. From there, we translate reflection into action. What does “less” look like on a Tuesday? Fewer priorities, clearer boundaries, shorter lists that actually get finished. We dig into the quiet power of compounded interest beyond money—how ten focused minutes a day can build a book, a skill, a business, or a steadier mind. The conversation also explores how early wins can rewire expectations, and why obstacles often mark the threshold to what’s next. Think David and Goliath: the hard thing is the way through.

Along the way, we talk presence over chasing, journaling and meditation as mental hygiene, and the tough but freeing move of dropping the avatar and showing up as the whole person. If you’ve been everywhere for everyone but missing for yourself, this one’s for you. Hit play, breathe, choose the next true step, and let the compounding begin. If this resonated, follow the show, share it with a friend who overthinks, and leave a review so more people can find the stall.

Transcript

Welcome To The Stall

SPEAKER_00 0:01

And I wish we could go back to a time when things weren't so complicated.

SPEAKER_03 0:06

Welcome to the complexity of toilet paper, the podcast that dives into the everyday moments where we overthink, hesitate, or just get documented. Through honest conversations, unexpected insights, and a whole lot of humor, your hosts Phyllis Martin, Mark Pollock, and Al Emmerich are here to help you roll with it and make your life a little less complicated. One conversation at a time. Right, dude, the beauty of this is the simplicity. Speaking of which, it's time to enter the stall. Put the lid down, or not, depending. Get comfortable and roll with it. Oh, what a knot, dear friend. It's really quite simple. This is the complexity of toilet paper.

SPEAKER_04 1:03

Phyllis just dropped a good one in the stall. Whatever comes out will be a good one. Now we were talking about the show, but I can't help but think for just a moment that should be like on every stall everywhere. Right? It's like like Tony Robbins would appreciate that. Like, imagine just going to a public restroom and it says right in front of you, whatever comes out will be okay. I mean, we have missed the opportunity to create motivational posters for the potty. I don't think we've missed out. I think we can still do it.

SPEAKER_01 1:47

That could be our mission.

SPEAKER_04 1:49

All right. Phyllis, the show is now over. She has dropped the mic before the show began. Whatever comes out is gonna be okay.

SPEAKER_00 1:58

I believe I can go back to lounging now. I've given you all you need.

SPEAKER_01 2:03

That's the whole show. Thanks for joining us.

SPEAKER_00 2:05

There's no overthinking involved. Whatever it is, it's all good.

Setting The Mission: Simplify The Complex

Inside The Stall: Format And Plan

SPEAKER_04 2:08

Um so if you've listened to this show, you know that Phyllis and Mark have no idea what's coming out of my mouth to open the show, which is true, that's exactly what just happened. But it's very apropos that we talk about whatever comes out will be okay. Because we were thinking about this show, the podcast, the complexity of toilet paper. And all three of us have talked about what we learned in 2025. We shared over the holidays, lessons, we also talked about our experiences. But the truth is, we haven't really gone deep into the stall um since probably really early on, like maybe the first couple of episodes. Meaning we shared a lot about our own backgrounds, we shared things that we learned about each other, uh, all that. And gosh, I mean, this year has been so transformational, or last year, 2025, was so transformational. It was such a juggernaut for each of us in different ways. And we just thought of you, all the folks that have been on the ride with us since we began, as well as new folks that might be joining for the very first time. And and this show is dedicated to simplifying the complex one conversation at a time. But there's tons of conversations and things that have been happening in our lives throughout this whole past 12 months and lead up to the day this show drops. And it's like, if we're gonna let you into the stall, then let's let you into the stall. Let's let's share um the goods, if you will. Like, what have we really been going through that has become simplified? And um because each of us has had our own Rocky journey and uh but also beautiful journey. And and so there's no, as you well know, as a fan of the stall rehearsal here, there's no script, there's a there's an outline. And so here's the outline for today's show inside the stall part one, uh, which is Mark, Phil, Al, let's peel back the layers of what 2025 brought us to that we really learned, not so much just from the show, but about ourselves. Um, because what I have found and what you found, Mark, and what you know, Phyllis, is that the things we're going through, everybody else has their own version of it. It's just their own coat of paint, their own paintbrush. And and and so, whatever your version of what we're about to share with you is, if this show and the the coming shows with with peeling back the curtain with Mark and Phil can bring you some light and simplicity, then we would love to do that. And and so, yeah, this is about going deeper. This is the plunger show. You see what I did? The plunger show?

SPEAKER_00 5:21

We we heard we saw. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 5:23

Because what does a plunger do, kids?

SPEAKER_00 5:27

It unclogs.

SPEAKER_04 5:28

It unclogs the toilet. Well, why is the claw toilet clogged, Mark?

SPEAKER_01 5:34

Uh uh too much uh stuff. Um there's shit blocking that toilet up. Yeah, there's that.

SPEAKER_04 5:44

Okay, and so we've got to unstick the toilet with a plunger, and that's what we're doing today.

SPEAKER_00 5:50

Somebody, Mark, I beg of you. Do something.

SPEAKER_01 5:53

That's a that's a visual. I just honestly didn't need.

SPEAKER_03 5:56

I just Oh come on, what are you what are you shy now all of a sudden about plungers and toilets?

SPEAKER_01 6:02

No, you no, you, no, you people, you people, you people.

SPEAKER_04 6:07

All right, so here was the deal. First of all, here's the deal. My name is Al Emmerich.

SPEAKER_01 6:13

Hi, Al.

SPEAKER_00 6:16

I think this is where you say you're Mark Pollock.

SPEAKER_01 6:18

I know. I just the way he said it, I just he's like, it was very formal. It's like, hi, I'm Al Emmerich. Okay, you're Mark Pollock.

SPEAKER_00 6:25

Yo, I'm Phyllis Martin.

SPEAKER_04 6:27

Yes. Owner of the greatest laugh in the history of mankind and womankind, and they kind and all kinds. Phyllis, in case you don't know, can laugh on command. Laugh, Phil.

SPEAKER_00 6:39

No, we're not doing that today.

SPEAKER_04 6:41

Okay, sorry.

SPEAKER_00 6:41

I just it just humors me. It just humors me.

SPEAKER_04 6:44

There it is. There it is. Um, it's so the deal was uh yeah, let's let's let's surf through these waters, maybe a little uncharted. And um more importantly, let's um I'll I I'd break the ice, you know. I'd crack the porcelain, I'll start first. And then a sac and the the next show the will be either Mark or Phyllis and and then and so on and so forth. So there's gonna be three versions of this show where we crack the porcelain, unplunge the toilet, and uh and dig deeper. No more analogies, I swear.

SPEAKER_00 7:18

I think you yes. Beat that one.

SPEAKER_01 7:20

I mean it's it's front loaded with analogies. So that's cool though. That's cool. We got them out there. We can use them throughout the whole show.

SPEAKER_04 7:27

Yeah, and and you know, we'll still uh uh maybe we'll go into the stall uh for the roll-up. I don't know. Well it depends on you guys, how you feel. Hey, whatever comes out is is okay. It's okay.

SPEAKER_00 7:39

I'd say let's get started.

SPEAKER_04 7:41

All right. Sydney.

SPEAKER_01 7:43

Didn't we get started already? I don't know.

SPEAKER_04 7:46

We were preluding. We were preluding.

SPEAKER_03 7:50

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 7:51

All right. So how do you want to do this? You want to you guys have a question, or do you want me just to go ahead and drop a quick expose or expose whatever? Professor. Go ahead, Phil.

SPEAKER_00 8:04

I was gonna say, let's drop like the framing question. You know, what uh what is it that you've learned? What have you been able to simplify, decomplexify in 2025? What would you like to share that might be helpful? Any of those things?

SPEAKER_04 8:22

Yeah. Um well, welcome to 14 hours of C O T P. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 8:31

It's the 24-hour show.

SPEAKER_04 8:33

Right, exactly.

SPEAKER_00 8:34

I'm gonna need to order some snacks, hold please. Right.

Al Confronts Self-Worth And Loss

SPEAKER_04 8:39

Um Well, let's just start. Let's just start with uh let me just go for the jugular right away. Okay. Um what I had to come face to face with in 2025 was my own value. Um as you well know, the the search for helping others define the greater value within themselves, which is to say more simply to lift other people up and create positivity for them and help them see their amazing wonderment. Um I realized that I had lost track of my own. Meaning I was looking in the mirror and intellectually I knew, yeah, um, you're worthy, you're you're doing cool stuff, you're very fortunate, you're blessed because I wrote this code, this narrative in my mind, which is true. I've I have brought a great deal of value to other people in the world. Um, and it's a lot easier for the doctor to prescribe than it is sometimes to take their own medicine. I came face to face with that because I went through uh a relationship that ended after five years, um, which which had come after a marriage that had that had lasted for 20 plus years. Um, I came to um a crossroad in what I wanted to do with value mapping while at the same time trying to sew up some financial uh foundation uh with a job, and the job search was brutal. Um, hadn't done that in a very, very long time. And all of that circled around to things that I hadn't kept promises to myself about, that I began to question whether or not I could keep those promises. And as a result, got really upset with Al and lost my way. And and and so everything became more complex. Everything became an overthinking. Everything became, well, let me understand this because that's the way I I felt if I could understand it, it would it would automatically get better. But what I realized was if you don't know what to understand, you're just you're just rolling down a hill. And so it really became what am I supposed to be asking myself? What am I supposed to be doing? And the the more I thought, the harder it got.

SPEAKER_01 11:18

Um yeah. Do you thank you for sharing that? You know, I I I wonder how there's that intersection between you helping others but getting lost in that comes together. So how how did how how did you help folks find such clarity in their value yet get so lost? I I think the the how of maybe that happened, if you know how that happened, because you so clearly were able to help people understand their strengths, understand um their own vision, their own purpose, their own impact, yet the more of you that you gave to that, the further away from yourself you found yourself.

When Helping Others Means Forgetting Yourself

SPEAKER_04 12:08

I I I go back to the doctor that um can prescribe the medicine for others because it's either the his or her passion or it's clinical by route. Um and so um it it it it was others reminding me you've gotta turn that on yourself, Al. Um my son, Dylan, for example, telling me, Dad, use your own shit. And I'm like Yeah, but that's when I realized, wait a minute, for a moment, I was doubting that that process. I mean, value mapping is a process, right? But it was wasn't about value mapping, it was about I was taking hits and and I didn't I didn't have the confidence in myself, but it was other people, you Mark, you, Phyllis, reminding me dude, you you you got this. You just have to you have to just keep peeling back the layers and stop being so hard on yourself, but you also have to execute. I don't know if that answered it.

SPEAKER_00 13:19

I'm gonna throw in a different something. I don't know. I often wonder, Al, and this is I I feel true for all of us, but I'm gonna stick with you because we're talking about you right now, and we're talking about value. And I think sometimes for all of us, our value gets intertwined with how we perceive others' value of us. So the job search was brutal, which is in in can be, I'm not saying it's true, but can be interpreted as a lessening of one's value. I think I have everything that this job seeker is looking for. I'm getting passed over, I'm making it to the final two. The answer is still no at the end of the day. I've just came out of two relationships, gave everything I had, thought things were one thing, turned out turned out to be something else. And I wonder, um, um, because I've, you know, I'm projecting slightly, but I feel in some ways this is the work for all of us, and particularly those who tend to overthink or overcomplicate or overcomplexify things, that there's a an unnecessary mirroring that happens. And we let somebody else's impressions of us or judgment of us, or the decision they make that impacts our life determine our value, even if it's for half a second. And in those half seconds, a lot can, a lot of things get added up that just aren't true. And for you, watching you go through this over the past year, it was most lovely and rewarding to see you at the end of the end of the day say, no, just wait a second. This is who I am. And whether you think it's right or not is irrelevant because I value myself.

SPEAKER_04 15:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:22

And there's no way for you to get there. I say this all the time without going through the dark, murky journey.

Letting Go Of Control And Finding Gratitude

SPEAKER_04 15:28

Well, it it yeah. So I I think one hundred percent. And and that the simple answer is it began when I started letting go of what I can't control. Mark. It it began when I started realizing what I couldn't control. Um It began when and I'm literally ripping pages out of Tony Robbins um, some of his work and Brendan Burchard's work, who were seminal in my journaling and um my thought process. It was like what about the gratitude for the things that I have around me that are working? The gratitude for the deep, deep friendships, the gratitude for the people who were standing right by my side, the gratitude for the people who showed up even when I felt down. Um, the gratitude for the people who, like you said, Mark, in a past episode, Al, while you were having a tough year, you were standing up for us, you were there. Um But the seminal thing, if I had to just simplify it, is what the hell can you really control, Al? Um you know, I I can't control, I can only control my choices. I can only control my decisions, I can only control how I show up, how I respond versus react. And acknowledging that, writing it down, uh realizing that I was now don't get me wrong, the murky that Phyllis you're referring to for me was well, why aren't you executing on some of those things that have to be executed on? Whether it was a financial decision or uh a get a get of this out. But I was writing all these scripts in my mind, if you will. I was chasing, like doing some great work, right? Holding retreats and doing all those things, um, applying for jobs and all that, but but I wasn't focused and I was walking into all these things, truthfully, not all of them, but a lot of them, with from fear. From fear that I was gonna lose or wasn't gonna be successful. Which if if you know Al and you're listening to this podcast, you're probably going, Wow, that doesn't sound like you, Al. But you're right, Phyllis, that's the war we're all having every moment. That's the war that we hear uh guests on our podcast having. It's that man in the mirror or the man in the arena, uh, you know, Teddy Roosevelt's speech. Um, be that as it may, those are the that's what it boils down to, I think, Mark, is is what Phyllis said is that um I had to realize what I could control. Um I had to realize the gratitude that was surrounding me, and I had to realize what was it I wasn't executing on that mattered. Um those were seminal wake-up moments. Because I had put value mapping at I mean, this is real deep stuff, friends, but I had I had put this thing called value mapping, which is my life's work, helping people unlock the greater value within themselves. But I had made that about the thing. But the the thing that was behind it, thank you, Myron Pinkham, for telling me this years ago, and I didn't hear it and see it. He's like, Al, you are. That is you. It's you first, and whatever this thing you created is will follow it. But I was like, no, I gotta create this thing, and the thing became the thing versus me taking care of Al. I was caring more of taking care of the thing, doing the thing, making the thing work. Um, and and so until I recognized that Al was enough, started driving Uber, started doing ghost tours down in St. Augustine, uh, you know, doing a pirate ship cruise, you know, having to rub some dimes together to to financially meet my my responsibilities, that I was like, oh, wait a minute. You're at the core of this and you have to accept that, and it's okay.

Fear, Shame, And The Job Search

SPEAKER_00 19:46

Well, doesn't it always boil down to, or does it always boil to me, it always boils down to this um uh truth and and there's like the fallacy and there's a truth. And we are we are human beings. We are not human doings, but so much of the world that we live in is about how much we do or how well we do it, or what are we going to be doing next. And I think watching you over the past year having to take some steps backwards and doing some things that you never thought you would have to do at this point in your life, while albeit humbling, brings you back to we are human beings, we need to be.

SPEAKER_04 20:29

And that statement right there, Phil, like I even when you said it in one of the episodes, I don't know that I saw myself as someone who didn't dis prescribe to that, right? Meaning, yes, of course we're human beings, and yet some of my thoughts were fears about what other people were gonna think about Al. Oh, if Al gets a job, or if Al doesn't do this, is they're gonna think he's a failure. Um and oh no, Al, you can't think that. I can't think that. That's just like too egotistical. But no, that's that's very human. Um and so I had to learn to accept, I think, as well, that um this isn't about failure. It's it's it's about just being the best version of Al, no matter what you do. And the thing is, if I was talking to my friends as I was talking to friends, you guys included at times, it was like I'm prescribing that medicine to other people, but I couldn't take it myself. I I I I just couldn't see it.

SPEAKER_01 21:41

Yeah. I think what what resonates to me on on what you're saying is where you put value. And what it sounds like to me is in the beginning of the year, what was really important was how people saw you. Not just how you saw yourself. And I think a lot of people do that. They they're surrounded by friends. You said it. You had to be grateful for all your friends. However, the one person who didn't offer you the job took more of the focus than the 40 people who love you. And it was a chase after the one. People do it in relationships, right? You know, uh the old adage, the girl doesn't want to date the guy who who actually really wants to date her. She wants to date the guy who doesn't want to pay attention to her. Um, and so you had a journey of needing kind of this validation from people that you really didn't need validation from. And value came from understanding what they didn't see in you. And and I think when you let that go and you said, Well, I can give ghost tours, I drive Uber, I don't care. I think the other side of that is when you went through everything that you've gone through, and I don't I don't necessarily mean to project, maybe it this is just more my story, is you kind of lose the definition of who you are. So who who are you? If you're not value mapping, then who is Al? And I think then in in 2025, the journey of redefining who you are as a as a person, and and and and that means to me, well, what do you like to do? How do you like to interact with people? What do you want to do for work? How can you make money? W what activities are important to you? And so as you've aged and changed and relationships have changed and jobs have changed, and the way you interact with people and the way that you do your business, um, it was a it was a it was a push for you to figure out who you actually are as a person. And I think that was more the journey than anything else was defining who you are. And we hear it in our guests too, like with Lori and and her son, she had to figure out who she was with a diabetic child, right? Uh Maul had to figure out who he was in in the market as a as a poet. Who is he? Um, Tyler had to figure out who he actually was in order to battle all of the things, and I think it just came, it was your turn. It was your turn to figure out who who you are.

You Are The Work, Not The Tool

SPEAKER_04 24:31

I so yes, yes, and yes, Mark. I want to retract back to Phyllis when you first started talking uh about in response to what I just said, immediately the episode with Danny Johnson popped up.

SPEAKER_00 24:48

Me too.

SPEAKER_04 24:49

The focus on when Danny Johnson, he was our comedian who was on uh a few episodes ago, and he talked about how hard it is to to to not focus on the one or two or five people in the audience not laughing. Meanwhile, you've got a whole audience full of people. And Mark, you you you you you added to that, right? Um and that's that self-doubt, that's that self-recrimination. Um I think uh it's almost like we set up a I'm not gonna stop talking about we, I'm gonna say I. You know, I I'm so good at the positivity, I'm so good at the self-talk, I'm so good at triaging my own crisis, um that um I allowed that positivity to take hold. Also, I didn't want to admit that, oh, yeah, I was afraid of what people are gonna think about me. I remember a time saying, Oh, I don't care what people think about me. And my family would used to say, uh, that's bullshit. We all think, yeah, yeah, you do. And I'm like, then it's like, okay, well, what do I so I'm gonna change the question? What do I think of me? Right? Like, um, what do I think of me as a result of where I am at this point in my life? And go ahead.

SPEAKER_01 26:24

Yeah. No, I was just gonna say, i i I i it is what you think of you, but it's it's surrounded by what you do versus who you are. I I don't know if that makes sense. But no, I it totally was.

Becoming Whole: Dropping The Avatar

SPEAKER_04 26:43

I I place other people saw it. They they you guys saw it, you would say but so so back to I don't know if I'm retreading the tires, stop me, because I don't want to be redundant here. But when I was driving Uber, when I was doing the ghost tours, which I still do, they're fun down in St. Augustine, when I was doing the pirate ship, whatever, when I was doing the stuff that was just helping me make some money so I can supplement my income and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, I was also doing keynotes. I was also delivering great value to feel folks. It wasn't till I saw it was what Myron had said that was Al in the middle of there. Al's the core there. He's still the person that's um delivering the value, no matter what I was doing. I had to see that to say, hey, I can accept that it's me and I'm okay with me because um I'm showing up and I'm enjoying myself and I'm helping others. I'm still living the thing that's important to me. And it took me a little while, but I didn't realize that quote unquote shame piece, because that's what it was, part of it was shame. Um, until I start felt started feeling comfortable telling people, hey, I'm doing this. Now I'm on a podcast telling thousands and thousands of people, yeah, you know, sure, I'd what I was doing was this, but I also did this and that. Screw it. Hey, meet Al. And that's what I feel about 2026. I feel like the liberation is maybe for the first time in my life. Maybe for the first time in my life. I'm comfortable with who Al is and giving Al to the world because no matter what, this is what you get. This, and and and I'm okay with that. I already knew I was gonna show up for people. I've shown up for people my entire life. I will never not show up for you, Mark. I will never not show up for you, Phyllis. My friends who know me, I will never not show up for them. But when is Al gonna show up for Al? And it wasn't until Al when am I gonna show up for myself? Trying to get rid of using third person. When am I gonna show up?

SPEAKER_00 29:19

I was wondering who we were talking about.

SPEAKER_04 29:21

Yeah, I know, I know, I know.

SPEAKER_01 29:23

Some mysterious man named Al.

SPEAKER_04 29:26

We laugh about that, but do you know how powerful that that script is?

SPEAKER_01 29:34

Oh, and and it's gotta be incredible.

SPEAKER_04 29:36

No, I mean, no, I mean on a negative side, like me being able to, and I'm sure there's a psychology term for it, but me being able to say, Well, when Al does this, when and it was uh, I don't remember, Mark, you said it to me.

SPEAKER_01 29:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 29:51

You said, Do you realize how many times when you're talking, you talk about yourself in third person?

SPEAKER_01 29:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 29:58

And I said, No, Al, it's no Al doesn't. Yeah, I know.

SPEAKER_01 30:02

It's kind of when Yeah, it's it's uh I don't I don't I don't know the the medical term, but yeah, it's it's almost like you had to become two different people. Um, and that other person did all these wonderful things, and and and they brought value and and they did these keynotes, and then there's this other Al, which is the true Al. Um, but the two have to the two have to come together, and you're just Al. And I think that's how our conversation went was you know, there's there's this hero in your mind named Al. You just happen to share the same name, and he goes and does this. Um, but what I what I I'm really encouraged by is that you're bringing these this avatar and and and and and actually kind of getting rid of it and just becoming you.

SPEAKER_00 30:56

So, Alan, the process, you know, you're kind you're on the other side of it now. Um and it's interesting how everything kind of culminated at as we were transitioning from one year into the next year.

SPEAKER_02 31:07

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 31:08

So what are you taking with you or what have you brought with you into 2026 that will help you simplify some components or portions of your life?

Carrying Less Is More Into 2026

SPEAKER_04 31:18

The first thing is less is more. Less is more. Um and that is a universal command and demand I've I've and promise I've made to myself. Um and and and that applies to every aspect. My task list, my focus, my um habits, my relationships, my work. Um less is more. And and of course, I'm the the irony of our podcast and the journey we've been on and the topic and the theme of our podcast is not lost on me. So less is more is what I'm carrying in. That's the first thing. I want to pause there just real quick.

SPEAKER_01 32:05

When you say less, just so other people who are listening to the show and they're like, I want to share I I I I've heard less is more for a million years. What's that mean? What's less in your relationship? What's less in your task list? What what what is that? Thank you for that.

What “Less” Looks Like Day To Day

SPEAKER_04 32:24

Um less let's first talk about habits, functionality, um, process, getting stuff done, or as I say, GSD, getting shit done. Um I love making lists, but I make lists that are far too long. And I end up not getting the list done, or I don't even sometimes get the things that are most important done. So less is more in the sense of the volume, and less is more in the sense of discrimination. It's like the movie title, Everything All at Once. Everything's important, but what absolutely has to be done. And fortunately, I have a tool that I can use, some of my own. There's other, I mean, I'm a big fan of James Clear's Atomic Habits. But whatever the tool is doesn't matter because if you're still putting 10 pounds of shit in a five-pound bag, no matter what tool you're using, you're not going to get through it. And so Al I have to say, less is more, in relationships, I give and I will continue to give. But I will give to the point that it I don't take care of my own quote-unquote needs time-wise or whatever, because I'd rather pick up the phone and talk to Phil for half an hour or or buzz with Mark. Well, that's great. And Mark's gonna love that, and Al's gonna love that. But there was something else that was more important that technically needed to be done. And so I don't have to be everywhere for everybody all the time. I need to be there for Al so I can be the best version of Al when I do show up with Mark, Phyllis, or whoever, whether it's socially or otherwise. Does that make sense?

SPEAKER_01 34:16

It does.

SPEAKER_04 34:16

Less is more is I'm starting, you know, I've started uh uh this incredibly new new job. Um, I'm uh I have to be there, you know. I have to show up for that job and that role and give them an incredible uh value. Uh so less distraction, more focus. But then that time that I have to focus on writing the book on the keynotes. Well, less is more in the sense of all right, well, if you've got X amount of time, you're gonna have to focus on less things. And I and I I can't I'll forget this if I don't mention it now. It's it's the the rule of compounded interest. Um, it's something that I've struggled with my entire life because I'm such an in the moment person. And I don't remember if we talked about this in a past episode or not, Mark, but um, I was reading the psychology of money, the book, The Psychology of Money. And there was this whole piece in there about the side, you know, the the the the concept of compounded interest, which applies to far more than money. And for me, I live in the moment, I love the moment. Um I bring other moments to people and I love that. But if I'm killing the future opportunities that are more important to me because I'm filling the moments with too many other distractions, then I'm never gonna experience that long-term goal of getting that book done, of merging the shows I'm wanting to do, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So compounded interest is like, do what you got to do, less is more, small little steps and bites.

SPEAKER_00 35:56

Yeah. Mark, I'm so glad you asked that question. And Al, I'm really glad that you answered that question because behavior change, like knowing what behavior needs to be changed and actually understanding what you have to do to make that happen is is where the rubber meets the road. It really is. So I'm really glad that you that you both asked and answered the question. That's the hardest part.

Compounded Interest Beyond Money

SPEAKER_04 36:20

Well, thank you. And I this goes out to anyone who's achieved success early. And this is this is something I want to share. Uh, I don't mean it braggadociously or or you know, battery on the shoulder, kind of like, oh, look at me. But many people don't realize unless they've seen me speak or one of my videos. Uh, I tell the story. I I literally checked four of the five boxes of dreams I had by the time I was 24. I wanted to be in radio. It was a dream of mine. I was in radio at 16 and working in radio for over a decade professionally. Top-notch morning shows, production companies, all that stuff. Um, I wanted to own my own company. I did by the time I was 23. I owned my own production company. Umce I had gone through that, um, I wanted to be on television. I was on TV at the same time I was on radio. I used to be on the Big Eight Morning Show, W-A-P-E, and I'd go to do the dog track announcing, and I was TV host, and I was like, I'm 23 frickin' years old. I'm on a top-rated morning, the top-rated morning show, and I'm on TV. Holy crap! Like, oh, so this is the way life is, it just happens like that. And then next was I wanted to be married and have kids. Check that box by 28. So now I'm not even 30, and four of the five main goals in my life have already been achieved. And yet I wanted more and more and more. The one thing was this path to super uber financial security. But as an entrepreneur, I kept taking risks and doing my things, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But at the end of the day, I rewired my brain to believe that it would just automatically happen. When I needed to, pennies would fall from the sky. When I needed to, someone would sweep in and save the day. When I needed it to happen, I would overcome. And so I've realized heading into this new fresh year that nothing's forever and nothing's guaranteed. And you can I could say that it, I knew that intellectually, but it's almost like being an addict. You get addicted to, I got addicted to the notion that no matter what, everything was going to be okay. Something else would just happen. And I realized that in doing so, I was not living fully in the moments that I was in. I wasn't always fully present to a appreciate, which by the way, is one of the other goals, not goals, but it's one of the other commitments and promises to myself. Because if I'm doing less to do more, I'm going to appreciate the thing that I'm doing or the people I'm with or the moments I'm in more. Um, I don't want to not appreciate this show because I'm thinking about what's next. I don't want to look past the moment. I don't want to be pouring the frickin' waterboarding myself, going, oh, you're gonna be okay. I'll don't worry about it. You'll survive. You'll pull out a snorkel, you'll be fine. I want to appreciate those moments. And so, um, yeah, I mean, I had a lot of really wonderful things happen, and I've lived a life that many people would dream to have. And I want to give that to people and share that with people, but damn it, I need to appreciate it myself and stop and go, hey, smell the roses, dude. Nothing, nothing in life is guaranteed, and you've been blessed.

SPEAKER_01 40:32

Yeah. You know, it's it's also what your story tells me too, is um, I was listening to this priest, and he said, Um, you know, God puts you in situations for you for for for what's next. So when when David uh David needed Goliath to be the king, right? So he put an obstacle in front of David. He just didn't make David king. He put Goliath in front of him, and he had to he had to kill Goliath to become king. Um and he gave a whole bunch of other examples, and I don't want to butcher it, and I'll I'll find it and I'll I'll put it in the show notes or something as a link. But you know, I I think when it's it's time for us to take that next leap, it's not going to be because it's easy and it just falls in our lap. It's because we've got to overcome something and and then we get there. And, you know, sometimes that thing that we have to overcome might take a day, it might take a decade. And um it seems to me that whatever this thing that is next for you, this was the thing that you had to kill to get there.

SPEAKER_00 41:52

Well said, my friend.

Early Success And The Chase

SPEAKER_04 41:54

Undoubtedly, undoubtedly. And without without going completely overboard in in the story, uh and respecting others' privacy too. Um the right people step forward because they truly love you and care for you. The breakup that I went through, um that person knew that this is what she needed, but also what I needed. Right. Um and I remember when it happened, I I said to her, I said, This is the best thing you could have ever done for me. At the but that feels the worst. Because deep down I knew that that had to happen. Um, and and so to carry your analogy on, I'm I'm able to see how others step forward to help me slay my my Goliath. Right? Um, Dylan, my son, asked me, he's like, Dad, uh, when I turned 58, he's like, what are you what are you um most proud of? Besides like, you know, your family and and all that. Um and I was like, well, you want a deep answer, you want the stereo? He's like, no, give me your give me your typical dad mumbo jumbo deep bullshit. And uh I said, and and I mean this 100%. I am proudest of the fact that I run fearlessly into the mirror. It is a dangerous place to go, and it has caused me massive overthinking. And it is one of the reasons this show exists because it's what drove me to have that conversation with you, Phil, when you just said, you know, what you said, and boom, everything was easy. Same thing with you, Mark. But at At least I know no matter what, I'm gonna step into that mirror and I'm I'm not afraid of the reflection anymore. I'm not gonna question the reflection. I'm not gonna beat the hell out of the reflection, I'm not gonna tell it how bad it is or how good it is. I'm just gonna be with it because I'm I'm I'm uh uh and so I'm glad that I didn't have to overcome because I've always been willing to step into the reflection through meditation, through therapy, through journaling. Um but just because you're looking at the reflection doesn't mean you can actually see clearly. And I think that's that's that's where I am right now. That I won't miss a giant coming at me again. To use your analogy.

SPEAKER_01 44:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 44:43

We do it with this show, by the way. We do it with this show. It's one of the reasons this show is beautiful, I think. You know, the background stuff that we figure out that we talk about. Um each of us carries our own version of this, which is why I can't wait to to dive into your brains and hearts. But anyway. Yeah.

Obstacles As Gateways To Next

SPEAKER_01 45:06

Thank you. Thank you for sharing that. Yeah. You're welcome. That's difficult. That's difficult stuff. But you know, the beautiful part is it's relatable. And I'll I'll I'll I'll say, you know, whether this offers comfort or not, you're not alone. Um you know, there's so many people, uh probably a majority of people, who are are dealing with with exactly what you uh have felt and have gone through. And um maybe the stories are different, maybe the way that they got there is different, but the feeling that looking in the mirror and it's clouded, and you don't know the reflection that's looking back, and you don't even know what you want that reflection to look like if you were to like clear off the fog off the mirror and you go, oh, there it is. Uh a lot of folks don't know what they want that image to look like looking back at them. And uh you're starting to clear off that mirror, but when you do have it fully clear, I I feel as if based on this conversation, you're gonna know exactly what you're looking for in that reflection back.

SPEAKER_04 46:15

I can already start to feel the traction of putting these things into place. And my ask of you two is to is to continue, it's my work to do, but to continue to hold me accountable, you know, uh to continue to challenge um when when these things, when the when Goliath shows up, you know, because you guys know me. It's inside and out. We're we're soulfully connected prior to, during, and wherever we'll forever be. Um and and so I am grateful. I am so deeply grateful for the two of you. And I'm grateful for this experience. And if you're listening to this still, uh which thank you. Um welcome to my smelly closet with dirty underwear and nasty socks. Um jeez. But but no, if you if you stepped into the stall today and you hung out, I hope I hope you got something valuable. I I hope you realize you are not alone, and I hope you realize the beautiful things that are ahead of you um if you tackle, as Mark said, your Goliaths. Um because at 58, I don't remember the last time I was this excited about my own life.

SPEAKER_01 47:32

So uh what is you know, you've you've shared less is more and the things that the gratitude and and other things that you're gonna do. Uming what you know now and the conversation that we just had, what advice would you have given to yourself at 30?

Running Fearlessly Into The Mirror

SPEAKER_04 47:55

Um wow, Mark. I didn't see that one coming. The advice I would give to myself at 30, which I pray that I would be able to figure out how to take it, because I thought I did and I didn't. Uh stop and smell the roses. Be present. Be present in those moments and don't chase. Uh that's the term I've adopted is I I have chased a lot. Uh and when you chase a lot, that's why less is more is so important to me. So the first piece of advice is be present and stop chasing. The second advice is tomorrow you can wait if you know what you're waiting for. Um I was enamored with the high of owning my own company. Not just because I loved the work in advertising and I got to be a spokesman. I mean, I loved, as I love today, my work. I mean, it was just like I was a kid in a candy store. Every day was joy. I mean, living my dreams was just freaking great. And I had an incredible wife and kids, and they supported me, and friends supported me. Um, but I couldn't wait to do it all. And and I and I did it all without the concept of the compounded interest. That if I had done 20% less, I might have some other things in my life now that are more important to me than I ever thought they could be, both from a financial standpoint as well as just um experiences and things like that. And then the third thing um is Al take up meditation and journaling. I didn't do that until after my divorce. It was a coping mechanism that I never realized would become the mainstay of my life in 2019. I mean, in 2019, July to be exact, um, I actually did a post on this and uh on LinkedIn about headspace. It's when I began. At the same time I was doing headspace, I was using Brendan Burchard's um uh thought book for high performance planner for my journaling. And to this day, there's thousands of pages. And and so um I would tell Al to start right journaling and meditating at 30. Tell myself.

SPEAKER_01 50:54

Thank you.

SPEAKER_04 50:58

We're closing up, Phil, or do you have have one pending?

SPEAKER_00 51:01

No, I think we're closing up.

SPEAKER_04 51:04

Wherever you are in your journey, man, I hope you have a mark and a fill in your stall holding a roll of toilet paper to wipe away the tears and anything else that comes out that's okay. That is the how we wrap up some time in the stall. Inside the stall, version one is done. This is the complexity of toilet paper.