Episode #11 - Connecting with Loved Ones When it’s Hard

Episode 11: Connecting with Loved Ones When It’s Hard — Leaning In, Choosing Connection, and Modeling Love

In this episode of Living in the Magic, Rebecca opens up about the very human struggle of wanting to pull back when our loved ones are being difficult, annoying, or unkind. She explores how, in those exact moments with our children, partner, or close relationships, we’re invited to do the opposite: connect more deeply, open our hearts, and model the love, peace, and presence we wish to see. She emphasizes that everyone has bad days, and our role as healers and conscious parents is to be the ones who choose connection instead of punishment or withdrawal.

This conversation is an invitation to shift from “they don’t deserve my energy” to “they deserve my love even more when it’s hard.” With honesty and compassion, Rebecca reminds us that real growth and stronger relationships happen when we stay committed to connection, even when it’s uncomfortable.

In this episode, Rebecca explores:

• Why the hardest moments are often the most important times to lean into connection
• How our internal dialogue affects our ability to show up for our loved ones
• The difference between healthy boundaries and using disconnection as punishment
• Modeling healing, presence, and love for our children and family
• The power of choosing play, fun, and connection even when moods are low
• How leaning in creates safety, brings out the best in others, and deepens relationships

This episode is for you if:
You’ve ever felt drained, annoyed, or tempted to shut down when your kids, partner, or loved ones are having a hard time. You want to break cycles of withdrawal and build stronger, more conscious connections while staying true to your own growth and spiritual path.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:02

Welcome to Living in the Magic. I'm your host, Rebecca. This is a space for soul-led healing, awakening, conscious living, and remembering who you came here to be so you can move through life with intention, intuition, and the quiet power of your inner magic. It's the summertime, and so camp ends earlier than school ends. We um canceled all of our extracurriculars, the activities we do after school, so that the summer afternoons can be quieter, lazier, more relaxed. And we had an afternoon where we had no plans coming home after camp, no play dates, um, nothing much to do. And I was just really look forward to enjoying the time with my kids in my mind. You know, gonna cook dinner, um, relax with each other. And I even thought, oh, I'll put the baby to bed, and then with my three big kids, six, six through eleven, we will maybe we'll play a game, you know, and we'll we'll do something fun. So pick them up from camp, looking forward to spending time with them, and they're all in just bad moods. They're being so mean to each other, they're using harsh words, they're speaking unkindly to me, they're fighting, they're being difficult, they're not listening to anything I say. The opposite of, you know, what I envisioned. And I imagine that there's more than one person who's listening to this recording, to this podcast, and has been in the same position as me. Could be with your kids, could be with anyone, anyone around you. You know, you're looking forward to spending time with someone, you have a picture of it in your head, and then it's just not going the way that you wanted or the way that you thought. So anyway, we're going through the afternoon, and and in my mind, I'm like, I didn't even, you know, and I I didn't tell them that I had this plan like right off the bat because they got in the car and we're fighting and in such a bad mood, like too soon for me to even like fill them in on my on my idea. And so as we go through the afternoon and they're being annoying, and I'm like, well, maybe I don't want to spend that extra time with them. I'll put the baby to bed. And, you know, I don't want to, I'm like really starting to think, well, maybe I don't want to give them like all that extra energy. I'm not gonna tell them to be ready for be showered and ready to go at seven so that we can play up until bedtime. And I'm really fighting with myself. What do I do? Right? Not so much fighting with myself, I'm just deliberating in my head. What do I do? What do I do? They're really, really annoying me. They've, they've in I'm playing the, you know, the the words in my head are they're being annoying, they're draining me, I'm tired, um I don't want to play with them later. I want to like go to my room and take time by myself because now I'm stressed and now I'm annoyed. Um, and even, you know, even to the degree they don't deserve my time. They're being so annoying and nasty and difficult. They don't deserve extra special time now to play and connect. So I'm going, I'm going through this in my head. Meanwhile, they actually the three big ones decided they're gonna do a bake-off. So they take out, you know, they all start baking their own, their own desserts, and they kind of actually settle down into their own, into their into a commerce space as they're each baking, and it's very, very cute. Of course, they make a mess with the kitchen, but they're doing a really nice job. My struggle, my, my internal struggle is I I have this these words playing in my head. I don't want to reward them for being difficult and being mean and being hard on each other and and mean to themselves and mean to me. Like, I don't want to give that to them. I don't want to connect with them. I was I was annoyed, right? I'm tired, stretched a little thin. And I'm just like, well, what do I do? And the fight was like, forget them. They're my kids, forget them, versus no, but like I want to play with them. You wanted to play with them. Before all of this, you had a plan. And by the way, one of my vows to myself is I'm trying to be more fun because that is something that I could work on, being more fun. So, and more playful. It doesn't come as naturally to me to play. We do connect. I love to bake with them and you know, go on walks, but like to sit down and play a game is a little bit um less comfortable for me. So I'm just trying, trying to be more fun, or to like, you know, get in there with them and be fun and get get wet in the, you know, on the water slide, whatever it might be. So I'm trying to be more fun. And my inner dialogue to myself is the times when people in your life who you love and you care about are being difficult are not the times to pull back from them. It's the times to lean in and connect even more. Now, I'm excluding abusive situations, okay? I'm excluding people who don't mean anything to you, who are genuinely mean or, you know, ill-intentioned. We're excluding those kinds of people. What we're talking about, you know, a partner who we argue with and disagree with, but generally we feel safe and we love. I'm talking about our children. I'm talking about our friends who overall are wonderful and we feel close to and we love. Everyone has bad days, everyone has bad moments. All of that quote unquote bad, which I don't really like that word, but we're just calling it bad. It's it's the the the moments that don't feel good when it comes to our kids, to our partner, to people that we really care about. Everyone goes through challenges, everyone has tough moments, everyone's going to have times when they act towards us in ways that we don't like and we don't appreciate. And in those moments when we want to lean away, we want to step away, we want to disconnect, we want to disassociate, we don't want to connect, those are the moments to connect deeper, to lean in harder, to lean in with more, um, with more of our hearts, with trust, with belief in that relationship and belief in them. Now, in those moments, you know, kids are kids, and my kids are in a stage of fighting with each other a little bit more. We still have a baby at home. He's well, he's he's a one just over one. And so, you know, a lot of my time goes to him, if I'm being very honest, right? You know, even if we're all together, he's crawl, like we're trying to play a game. We can't play a game when he's away because he's crawling all over the game, he's taking the pieces, right? If he needs something, my attention goes first to him because you can't let a one-year-old sit and cry. He can't communicate, can't control himself at all. And it's up to the bigger kids to like pull themselves together a little more. You know, and there's just always so many dynamics. So I'm not gonna say just stems from that, but you know, each of them have so much going on in their lives, in their young lives, you know, things that stress them out, that worry them, that, you know, don't feel fair, that they, you know, that they want to have different. And so all behavior comes from something. Their behavior, they're fighting with each other. There's jealousy mostly for my attention, I would say. You know, but when there's three kids, it's usually some two against one, and there's all the different combinations of the oldest and the middle, and the middle and the youngest, and the youngest and the middle, and the youngest and the oldest against the other one, right? There's all so many different dynamics all the time. That's all of those things are where their behavior is coming from. Maybe they had a hard day at camp, maybe they're overtired, whatever it might be. In those really difficult moments, it's up to us, the ones who are growing, are shifting, are changing, who want to be more spiritual, who are working on ourselves. We are the ones forging the path. We're forging the path of strength, of connection, of spirituality, of being bigger, of connecting with God, source, universe, right? We're the ones healing and working on healing and and and modeling healing and modeling peace and modeling connection and modeling being there for each other and growing and connecting deeply internally and spiritually. We are the ones modeling that for everyone around us. If you're listening to this podcast, you are a chosen one. You're a healer, you're someone who's looking to grow and to heal and to shift and to be more, you know, to rewrite where you've come from, to create a beautiful future for those, for yourself and your loved ones and everyone who exists around you. You want to make the world a better place. And so, because you are that person, it is up to you to lean in more, to connect more, to open your heart more, to be there for them more. And so, as I was deliberating around this, I had all this in my head and I said, no, I'm not gonna let the fact that they're being super annoying, little pains in my butt, distract me and keep me from being able to use this beautiful evening that we have to play a game and connect with each other. And so I put the baby to bed and I took some deep breaths and I said, or I should say before I put the baby to bed, I said, All right, at some point I made the decision. I said, All right, everyone, I wanna have an awesome night tonight. We're gonna put the baby, I'm gonna put the baby to bed. If you can shower and clean up all of your baking mess in the kitchen, we can start a game night, and you guys can choose whatever game you want to play, and we're gonna play it together and we're gonna have a great time. And you know what they did? They got showered, they mostly cleaned up with a little bit of help. We got down on the floor, we played, and we connected. Did their mood switch to being perfect? No, they were still semi-being annoying to each other, but honestly, we still had a really, really fun time. And in the middle of it, I think it was my oldest, but one of them was like, this is one of the best nights we've ever had. You know why? Because I chose connection. That's why. And so I knew that at least from that night, hopefully what they will remember is the fact that mommy got down on the carpet with them. They I actually left my phone upstairs in my bedroom and we played Monopoly and we had a really good time. And towards the end of the game, things got silly again, and I think they started like spitting water onto each other. I don't even know. Um, for me, it was testing me more because now my mind could go to, but I just gave them this like awesome game night, and now they're being difficult and annoying again. Nope. I'm staying into connection, right? I stayed with connection. They were not annoyed at each other, they were laughing and having fun. I said, All right, this is what it is. And I leaned deeper. I chose to lean deeper into connection. Now, do I do that all the time? No, there are moments when I snap and I get upset and I want to, you know, blame them for my annoyance because of their behavior. But my friends, it is up to us to be bigger every moment. That's how we make real shifts and changes in our lives. We can't sit back and wait for other people to act in a certain way that allows us to be comfortable enough to connect or love or offer love or be there with them fully. It is up to us to make those changes. It is up to us to shift into connection. We're allowed to have that struggle in our mind and we're allowed to snap and we're allowed to not always shift into connection because sometimes we can't bring ourselves there, but we do need to know that the more we can do it, the better off we'll be. The times when we can't, we we must forgive ourselves for those and move forward. It's not a big deal. When you find yourself deliberating and struggling between, I'm really annoyed at this person, I don't want to connect with them, but there's someone in my life who I love and I respect and I cherish and overall is a healthy relationship. Remember, that's important. I'm gonna lean in anyway. I'm not in the mood, but I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna push myself because through connection, can we bring out the best from the people around us? We we create a safe environment for them. We show them we love them, we're willing to do the work, we're willing to meet you there. We love you. And we're gonna work to extract the best from our relationship and from and from you and from ourselves and from each other. With the people we love, we cannot afford to say, well, they deserve it. They they behave badly, they deserve me shutting down from them, they deserve me walking away. No, with the people we love, we can only think they deserve our connection. No, this doesn't cross out boundaries. This doesn't cross out, right, like teaching our children right from wrong. But giving of love and giving of connection should never be something that we hold back, that we take back as a punishment, as a way of getting back. Putting up a boundary, saying I don't like the way you're speaking to me, that hurts my feelings. I will not help you bake this cake if you keep ordering me around. Please use different words to speak to me. It doesn't mean we don't have self-respect or we don't allow for and understand that humane dignity is important. But we cannot use connection or lack of connection as a punishment. We can't withdraw from the people we love. We can't allow ourselves to, we can't afford ourselves to, because that's the beginning of the end of the demise of our relationship. The people we love and care about, when they're having a hard time or they're acting in a way that we don't like or approve of, that's the time to lean in more, not to hold back, not to withdraw. We can take a few minutes, take some deep breaths, right? For sure. But that's when we have to lean deeper and deeper into connection. And you will see, you'll feel better, and then you will see the relationship evolve and shift in a positive way. You'll see yourself get closer to them, feel more at peace within yourself. Because connection and leaning in is the way when it comes to the relationships in our lives with the people who mean the most. Thank you for joining me here on Living in the Magic. May you carry what you've received into your day, into your heart, and into your life, walking forward with more clarity, connection, and trust in the magic that is within you. Thank you for joining me here on Living in the Magic. May you carry what you've received into your day, into your heart, and into your life, walking forward with more clarity, connection, and trust in the magic that is within you.