Redefining Freedom: Body, Nervous System & Real Life

In this episode, I’m talking about something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately.. freedom.

What it actually feels like, what I thought it was, and what I’m starting to realize it really requires.

For a long time, I thought freedom meant having no rules, no structure, and the ability to do whatever I wanted. But the more I reflect on my life, my health, and everything I’ve been moving through, I’m seeing a completely different side of it.

I share how my experience with mold and changes in my health shifted my perspective, and how I started to realize that freedom isn’t just about time, money, or location—it’s also about how your body allows you to experience your life.

We talk about:

• What freedom actually feels like in your body
• The fear and responsibility that comes with creating your own life
• How food and nourishment play a role in feeling free
• Why your nervous system might be the missing piece
• Simple ways I’ve been learning to regulate and support my body

This is a real, honest look at where I’m at right now—not from the other side, but in the middle of building it.

If you’ve been craving more freedom in your life but feel stuck, uncertain, or not fully there yet… this episode is for you.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hi, everybody. Welcome back to Outside the Script, a podcast where we question the default path and explore what it means to live a life differently. I'm your host, Amanda Kukrew, and this is where I'm sharing what I'm learning, building, and figuring out in real time. Happy Wednesday, everybody. I'm so grateful you're here with me. And today I want to talk about freedom. Um, yeah, I think it's something most of us strive for. I mean, who doesn't want freedom? Right? I mean, I definitely, and it's a theme of, you know, what I'm trying to share and figuring out and, you know, how eventually I'll get to, you know, all my biggest heart desires. And you know, what I've been thinking about is that like freedom, it doesn't actually look like anything specific. It feels it's more of like a feeling, a feeling of aliveness, vitality, optimism. Like I get to move through my life in a way that feels really good to me instead of feeling like I'm being pulled through it. And if I picture a day where I feel free, I wake up and I'm calling the shots from morning to night. I decide what my day looks like, I decide where my time and energy goes, I decide how I move through my life, and that feels really expansive to me. Um, of course, I do all that on some level. I call the shots, but I mean, of course, I'm very much, you know, still in the matrix of life and, you know, need to get up and need to do all the things that I need to do. I still need to be an adult. I still need to work um to put a roof over my family's head. Um, and so I think a big part of this is I'm realizing like what I don't want anymore is I just, and I've said this in other other other episodes, is I don't want to live by someone else's rules. I don't want to just feel like I'm just following someone else's script. I don't want to feel like groundhog day, and I want to feel like I'm actually living my life and not just maintaining it, basically. Um, and what I'm realizing, or I'm starting to realize, I think, in some ways, I think I had this idea that freedom and like no rules, no structure, no responsibility. I mean, in some to some extent, but you know, or just like waking up and doing ever I want. But I mean, I don't think that's completely true either. Um, I think real freedom means that you're you are also the one who is holding everything in a lot of regards. Like you have to make, you're the one making the decisions, you're the one creating the life, and you're the one responsible for what's happening next. And if I'm being super honest, like that does scare me and in a lot of ways. And I don't know if I fully trust myself like yet to like hold like massive levels of responsibility to make the right decisions and to build something that actually supports my life. And I think that's why, even though a part of me wants to just like get up and leave and travel and quit my job and just go, I don't because it does feel too big, risky, uncertain in a lot of ways. Um, I mean, of course, there's like levels of practicality there, but like think of those people who just think of something and they don't get boggled down by all the reasons why they can't, they go for it. They are the go-getters in life, and they just make it happen and they make it work. And I think that there's a level of that we can always make anything fully work, but there has to be a level of trust. And yeah, and I think another level of this that I've been thinking about is how much freedom actually lives in our bodies. And for most of my life, I've always been very, very healthy, really vibrant. I've always loved life and just super optimistic and have felt alive in a lot of ways. Like I never really had to think about it. Like life felt like I could navigate life pretty easy. Eating felt easy. My body felt supportive. Life felt light in a lot of ways. But then after dealing with the mold, everything has shifted and did. And I'm realizing something that I never thought about before is freedom isn't just about my time or my job or even where I live. It's about how my body lets you experience your life. And that's where this idea has come to me is like how we eat is actually a pathway to freedom. Because when your body feels good, you have energy, you feel clear, you feel stable, and you actually show up in your life. But when your body's off, everything feels harder. And that changes how free you feel in a very real way. So I think that I'm starting to understand is that freedom isn't just about like escaping your life. It's about building a life, a body that can actually hold the kind of life that you want. And that looks like taking responsibility, building stability, learning to trust yourself, and becoming a kind of person that can lead their own life. And right now I'm in the middle of that, and I still have a job and I still have moments where I feel stuck, and I still have fears around money and responsibility and all of it. But I'm starting to see things differently, not just chasing freedom anymore and trying to build a life and a true foundation, foundation to build the life that I so desire. Also, another thing that I want to talk about is like is the nervous system. My nervous system, all these years have been super neglected, and like I feel like nervous system has almost become like this buzzword over all these years, and everybody would be talking about it. And I just be like, oh, nervous system, like mine's fine, whatever I would think. I don't know. But I think that it's been really important for me in all of this is not just really necessarily understanding my nervous system, but actually starting to support it in real simple ways. Because I used to think that it had to be like complicated and it doesn't, and I think as humans, we overly complicate so much in our life, and so much things do not need to be complicated, and so many like things are just simple, put it that way. And one and one of the biggest things I'm learning is how much I've been in a constant state of go. I was always thinking about the next thing, always trying to figure it out, always pushing, pushing beyond my limits, and my body never really had a chance to feel safe. And so something I've been practicing is just slowing down and honoring my body when it needs to rest, or if I need to chill out, or just like if my body like needs a certain food, I just honor that. Like, I I've been eating so much meat over the last couple months to like try to rebuild my body, and my body has not been wanting heaps of meat, so I'm just listening to my body and like honoring that, but making sure obviously that I still keep my protein intake high and that I nourish my body because I do not want to put my body back into a deficit. And so, not just slow, like not in a even a dramatic way, just like small moments of where I'm like not rushing, even just moving slower in the morning, not immediately immediately grabbing my phone, you know, or like just giving myself a moment to breathe. And that alone is just super powerful. And just like even like I've been just starting my day with like a lot of gratitude and intention and affirmation and just putting out beautiful prayers into the world for myself and my family, my loved ones, my friends, and just sending a lot of light and love um ahead for the day. Another big one for me has just been like getting outside, uh, fresh air, sunlight, and being out in nature. This is something that just brings you back into your body, I think, for everybody in a lot of ways, and even just like sitting outside for a few minutes just to get the sun on my face, going for a walk, being at the beach. We do live, I do live near the beach, so I do have that access, which is just super healing. And yeah, the beach definitely is a power source for me. And this connects to what I was saying earlier about food being a pathway to freedom because when your blood sugar is all over the place, your nervous system feels it. You feel more anxious, you for feel more reactive, you feel more up and down. So focusing on like real nourishing foods, eating consistently and supporting the body has been a huge piece of feeling more stable. I overall have always ate a clean diet pretty much and have been very like aware, but just even more hunkering in and being like conscious of and intentional about my food choices. And another thing that I've been learning is that your nervous system responds really well to predictability and safety. And like that's I think why structure is like my power word and like learning about structure and how that is a power move. And so, even the small things like having simple routines, knowing what my day kind of looks like, and creating little moments of calm really helps my body relax. Breathing and pausing, simple but real. And I know this sounds basic, but just pausing and breathing has been huge, or just even taking a moment just to like collect my thoughts and be like, you know, just taking a notice of like, okay, yeah, I'm feeling really overwhelmed right now, and then just slowing down my breath. And that alone can just kind of shift how I feel. And letting it be simple. This is important. I think the biggest thing I've learned in all this is like regulating in your nervous system doesn't have to be perfect, and it doesn't mean about doing everything right, it's about giving your body small signals over and over again that you're safe. You don't have to be rushed, and you don't have to be in survival mode all the time. I think this ties back to everything and uh where it connects for me is because when my nervous system feels regulated, I feel more clear, I feel more grounded, I feel more present, I feel more capable. And that changes how I move through life. That changes what I believe is possible, and that changes how free I actually feel. So, yeah, I just really wanted to share that piece. And like that is a big lesson in what I'm moving through is like what the nervous system means to me, and like learning to regulate my nervous system and how a regulated nervous system becomes a pathway to freedom. And I think, yeah, that's kind of like all the things that are coming up, that's where I am right now trying to design a life by design and getting intentional and just moving through all these layers of just rapid change and transformation and healing. And, you know, it's not about changing overnight, it's not going to change overnight, but it's about building trust with myself, supporting my body, regulating my nervous system, and slowly creating a life that I can hold. And I talked that about that in another episode of becoming how do you become that person who can hold that life that you so desire? Because I just don't want freedom that looks good. I want freedom that feels good. I want to feel safe in my body, clear in my mind, confident in the way that I'm building life. And I think that's the shift for me. Like, it's I'm not trying to escape life anymore. I'm not trying to put my pressure on my life. I'm not putting pressure on anything anymore. Like, well, I mean, of course that creeps in, but like this podcast, there's like zero pressure on it. I'm just showing up and just documenting and being real and authentic with where I am. Or like, you know, I've created an Instagram now and I'm just showing up. There's zero pressure on that. I'm just like, I want to be a source of inspiration for somebody else. That is my intention. I want to, and I, you know, I want to be inspired by you as well. It's just such a it's just such a beautiful thing. I love the word inspire, inspiration, and I love to be inspired, and I love inspiring people. And so, yeah, and I just want you to know if you're in if you're in that place too, and we feel the pull for more, and that you're not fully there yet, like just know that you are not behind. None of us are behind, and you are building it right now. I'm building it right now. So I hope this resonates. I hope this inspires you in some way. And I so appreciate you. Thank you for being here with me and listening. And if this resonates with you, I would just love for you to follow along. And I'll see you in the next episode. And I hope you have a beautiful day. Bye.