22 Years a Mother: Growing Up While Raising Humans

I became a mom at 19… and now my oldest is 22.

In this episode, I’m sharing what 22 years of motherhood has really taught me—from growing up while raising kids, to navigating overwhelm, healing, and learning what truly matters.

This is a real, unfiltered reflection on motherhood, identity, and becoming.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Welcome, welcome back to outside the script, a space where we question the default path, build a life on our own terms, and figure things out as we go. I'm your host, Amanda Kookaroo, and this is a podcast where I am just sharing, honestly, in real time, what it looks like to build a life rooted in freedom, family, and in tension. Uh, no perfect plan, nothing perfectly mapped out, just real life as it's unfolding and figuring it out as I go. So welcome back. I have my windows open, the birds are chirping. It's a bright sunny day here on the East Coast, and just feeling super reflective today. My oldest has turned 22. And I'm just sitting with that because that means I've been a mom for 22 years and I'm 41, so half of my life I've been a mom, and that just feels really wild to me. It never gets old. It always feels wild to me that I've been a mom this long, and it's still wild to me that I have three kids. I never thought that I would have three kids. It's the most beautiful blessing, it's the most beautiful chaos. It is the most beautiful thing that I have taken on for real. Because I feel like, you know, when you're in it, you don't think about that. Like you're just living, you're just doing what needs to be done, you're growing, and without even realizing how much is changing, you know, around you every day. And but today feels like a pause and just a moment to really take in because I became a mom at 19. And you know what, honestly, I was really, really so excited and so happy to become a mom. It just felt like it was so meant to be. I felt amazing, it was joyous. I loved my pregnancy, I loved everything about it. I felt vibrant, I looked vibrant. My labor and delivery wasn't too bad. You know, I had a pretty good postpartum. My baby was just the easiest baby, and I don't know, we just had such a special bond, and yeah, it just was a really special moment in my life, and like it was something I was supposed to step into. But at the same time, I was still a baby myself. I was young, I was immature in a lot of ways. I was still figuring it out while raised in life. And even though I did feel supported, I also feel like I had to figure out a lot on my own, if I'm being honest. But like that's kind of been my default in life. I just figure out things as I go. I have always kind of just done that, just figure it out. And I rely on myself in a lot of ways, especially like on the the like the emotional aspect of things too, as well, which is not necessarily healthy and something I'm working through. And that's what exactly I did in motherhood. And one of the things that I've learned is that you don't need to have everything figured out to be a good mother, period. Because I didn't, and I honestly still don't, and I started motherhood not fully knowing who I was in a lot of ways, and I still don't know who I am in a lot of ways, and I'm still becoming, but I don't think it's like something you arrive at, it's something you grow into. And one of the big my biggest seasons that stretched me was having the three kids because one is one, and then three that changes you, and for me it does. Um, it was a big, huge soul stretch, and it stretched my capacity in every way, and there was definitely seasons that just felt like pure overwhelm, like I had 300 things to do in a day, not enough time, not enough hands, emotions running high, and just feeling like I needed to hold it, everything together. And then there was like, you know, then there's my current health journey with like the mold and my hormones and just not feeling myself, and like that has impacted my mother, motherhood in a lot of ways because I can't I couldn't show up, and I feel like I don't show up still to this point in a way that I normally would, or that way I would want to, and and that was hard. But you know, what this season has really taught me, and something that really real that was really important, and something I'm reflecting on even today, is that at the end of the day, kids really don't need everything that we think they do, they don't need perfection, they don't need a perfectly run-in home, but what they need is love. Kids just need love, they need to be feel they need to feel safe, they need to feel secure, they need to feel connected, and they need to feel seen. And like, that's pretty much it. That's what it seems like. That's pretty much it. And because of that, I do do things differently now. Um, in a lot of ways, like I spend as much time with my kids, for sure, especially the my two youngest ones, because they're only kids once and they're adults forever. And so we're together a lot. We do everything together, and I'm very intentional about that. I feel like with my oldest, I had a lot of help at that season as well. And I was still young. Things were just so different then. And with the two girls, yeah, I just try to soak up every moment of being with them, and that's just kind of how we roll on that. We all do need space and time away from our kids, and my husband and I are trying to, you know, be more intentional about making a little bit more time for ourselves. We kind of still stink at that as well. But hey, it's a work in progress, and also I think that it's really easy to lose yourself in motherhood, even if you can't always pinpoint when it happened or how or it just happens, I feel like, because you pour so much into your kids, and and somewhere along the way, you forget to check in with yourself. And I think that's where I am right now is like finding myself again and not it's not separate from being a mom, but you know, but as a woman, you know, I'm still growing, I'm still evolving. I mean, we're always growing, we're always evolving. I feel like that's just the name of the game. And I uh I think like you know, as I was younger too, like I was just so carefree and so relaxed about everything. Like it just so easy peasy, like everything is fine, and like now I just feel like much more structured and weird and like more protective, much more protective and like more cautious in a lot of ways, but the life and like that's growth, right? And we're not meant to stay the same in a lot of ways, and just kind of reflecting on that today. Like, I was just so I mean, I'm still very much carefree in a lot of ways and easygoing, but also I think as you get older, like life will jade you a little bit more, like you're exposed to more things, anyway. And I feel like in 22 years, like honestly, has felt like it went by like a blank, and time is a thief. But I look at my son now. What makes me the most emotional and what makes me the most proud and just really fills my heart is that he loves me dearly, he respects me, he trusts me, he comes to me for everything, he thinks I'm a good mom, he spends every birthday with me, wants to. And, you know, it almost feels like okay, well, I must have done something right, right? And when your child becomes adult, and they when they still choose you like that, it means everything. Like that just means everything to me. And it just feels so stinking good. Like we had the best day today. We went and got our auras red and tarot card readings, which was really fun. I don't really do that anymore, but I was like, let's do it. And we got some chocolate-covered bacon and chocolate-covered mangoes, and went to like a local bakery, and then we went to Whole Foods and got a cake on the way home, and then we all sang happy birthday when the girls got got out of school, and it was just a special day together, and now he's off with his friends, so yeah, what a blessing. Yeah, and I guess if I could say one thing about all this, is it would be is like I didn't just raise my children, I was raised alongside them. Um, in a lot of ways. Like, motherhood just didn't shape them, it shaped me. And I'm really proud of that. And I think that is so much what of motherhood is. Like, motherhood does shape you in all these different ways, and I'm proud that I keep going and I keep showing up as a mom, and that I figured it out, you know, as I went, and you know, it was not perfect by any stretch, and I definitely made mistakes over the last 22 years, and you know, that's totally okay. Like there's no such thing as perfect. Um, and so today, so today I'm celebrating 22 years of motherhood, 22 years of learning, of growing, of evolving, becoming. And if you listen to this, you don't need to have it all figured out. You're allowed to grow, you're allowed to change, you're allowed to become, and you're allowed to do that all right alongside your kids. So that's it. I just wanted to hop on, say something real quick, and yeah, let you know what is brewing today. So thank you so so much for listening and being here with me. And if any of this resonates with you, I would love for you to just follow along. And I will see you in the next episode. Bye for now, my friends.