Maybe You’re Not Lazy, Maybe You’re At Capacity.

In this episode of Outside the Script, Amanda explores the idea of capacity and how so many of us mistake exhaustion, overwhelm, burnout, nervous system depletion, and healing for laziness or lack of motivation.

After experiencing major shifts following mold illness and burnout, Amanda reflects on what it means to honor the body, slow down, and stop forcing ourselves to operate at maximum capacity all the time.

This episode is a conversation about:

• low-capacity seasons
• nervous system healing
• motherhood & overwhelm
• rest as restoration
• social media & comparison culture
• cyclical living
• rebuilding yourself slowly
• learning to listen to your body instead of overriding it

If you’ve been feeling tired, behind, disconnected from yourself, or frustrated by your current season of life, this episode is a reminder that low-capacity seasons are not forever and you will circle back to yourself.

#OutsideTheScript #Healing #BurnoutRecovery #Motherhood #NervousSystemHealing #RestIsNotLazy #LifeByDesign

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hello, everybody, and welcome back to Outside the Script. Happy Monday, Happy Moon Day. Um, yeah, I'm your host, Amanda Kukrew. This is a podcast about freedom, family, healing, and design in a life that feels aligned. And today I want to talk about something that I think many of us are experiencing, have experienced, um, and don't have the language for is this word capacity. Because what if the issue isn't laziness? What if the issue isn't about being unmotivated, undisciplined, or falling behind? What if it is you're simply at capacity? And I've been thinking about this because over the last couple of years, especially after um the mold exposure, I had experienced in something, you know, some things that were really foreign to me, like feeling really tired all the time and sad and depleted and unmoti unmotivated and honestly weak. And it was really hard for me because I've been always someone who can like juggle a lot, push through. Um, and I'm not saying that for any like a badge of honor by any stretch. It's it comes with its downfalls for sure. And that was hard for me because I um I I almost made it like I made it a I I meant I made it, I made it be about something about me. I thought maybe like I was feeling, maybe I wasn't trying hard enough, maybe I needed more discipline, maybe something was wrong with me. But looking back on hindsight, you know, I wasn't lazy, I'm not lazy, but my body was overwhelmed, my nervous system overwhelmed, and my capacity had changed. And it is changing. Like, you know, as I am getting older, I'm 41, I'll be 42 in January. You know, I am changing in a lot of ways. And I think a lot of people walking around right now judge themselves for just even being human. As humans, we are complex and we do carry a lot on the day-to-day. And I don't think many of us really take that into consideration. And one of the things I started realizing, or, you know, circling back to and and reminding myself, especially as a female, how cyclical and seasonal we are, you know, women ebb and flow with the moon. And I think that we live in a culture that expect people to operate at maximum capacity at all times, regardless of what they're carrying. You know, it's just like grind, hustle, push harder, keep going, do more, produce more, and we glorify that. Um, but we don't really ever ask the question of what is this person carrying right now? Because capacity is affected by everything: stress, motherhood, healing, financial pressure, trauma, pregnancy, postpartum, overstimulation, lack of sleep, burnout, chronic illness, life transitions, you name it. And then social media, I feel like, makes it even harder because we're constantly seeing curated versions of everyone else's lives. Everyone looks productive and motivated and super successful. And so it becomes really easy to look at yourself during a low capacity season and think, what's wrong with me? But nothing is wrong with you. Maybe your body is asking for something different. And I also think for me personally, I do forget and I do have to constantly remind myself, I am cyclical by nature. I expect my sometimes I expect myself to function at the same capacity every single day, and that's just not realistic. There was a season when I could, I literally had to go lay down in the middle of the day, and that was like so foreign to me. And I'm not someone who normally needs that. And honestly, it scares me because my identity has been built, being built around being strong and capable and resilient, and losing capacity can almost feel like you're losing yourself. But over time, my my perspective has changed and is changing for sure. Because I'm realizing rest is not laziness, it's just simply not laziness. It's just not, guys. It's just not. It's a form of manifestation, it's a form of actually slowing down to listen to our bodies instead of constantly overriding in them. And we are creating a space for healing, for clarity, for downloads, for restoration. And rebuilding capacity isn't about forcing yourself harder, it's about creating conditions where your body, your mind, and your nervous system can actually function again. And for me, rebuilding capacity at this season has looked like getting off my phone earlier and trying not to be on my phone, you know, a ton during the day, and prioritizing sleep hygiene and getting to bed earlier and drinking enough water and deeply nourishing myself through healing organic foods, herbs, supplements, acupuncture, sauna, red light therapy, nature, cultivating time for creativity and creation, and quiet and honestly, space. Space from noise, space from stimulation, and especially space from my kids. And that has been huge. I mean, I have spoken to this in other episodes, is that I had every intention of, you know, living life side by side with my children, homeschooling, doing all the things. And then I got to a season in my life where it was not sustainable. I was not happy. I was overwhelmed. And, you know, it wasn't fair to me or my children because I could not give my children what they needed or like even be happy in the process of like this journey of homeschooling. So I made a decision to put both of them in school. And it has been wildly beneficial. My kids are happy, they're thriving. And I feel like this is uncomfortable sometimes for mothers to admit because there's so much guilt around, even like need and solitude, or rest, or quiet, or even like knowing that, you know, what we dreamed of and the vision that we had for our kids, and you know, the life that we visioned for our kids is not actually working. And you have to be honest with yourself of like, this is not working for me, and I matter, and my needs matter. But yeah, I just I that's a big one. That was huge for me because capacity requires recovery, capacity requires space, and I believe that that time away from our children just makes us better humans and better parents. And I also think that supportive people matter deeply. And for me, I am getting better at it because I've always been a person that is very introverted in many, many, many ways. I'm not a person who would ever go put my problems on anyone else. I deal with my own problems, I figure them out myself. And that's that. But that's also another trait of mine that is not super, super healthy. And I am working on changing that. Yeah, and just being around people who nourish you instead of drain you. That changes everything. And I think one of the biggest lessons right now that I'm learning is that healing isn't always about pushing harder, it's sometimes about listening deeper. And those are some of my bigger lessons. And I'm not saying that I'm necessarily great at it, but I'm listening and I'm trying. And some it's there's sometimes it's just about honoring, about where you are in the journey. And it's not always comfortable and it's not always fun, and it honestly sucks. But, you know, you have to honor where you are in each season and know that it will get better. And so if you're at a low capacity season right now, I just want you to know it's not forever. We ebb, we flow, we're seasonal beings, we're cyclical by nature. And I know that it can feel feel really scary when you don't feel like yourself. And I know it can feel frustrating when your energy changes and your motivation changes and your body changes, but low capacity seasons are not the end of you. And you will circle back to yourself. Maybe not the same exact version, but maybe even a deeper, a wiser, a more honest way. And maybe healing isn't about becoming who you used to be. Maybe it's about learning how to honor yourself differently. So, yeah, that's what I wanted to hop on and say today. I hope that you have a beautiful day. And thank you so much for being here with me today. If this episode resonates with you, I would love for you just to keep following along and join me on this journey. And thank you for being a part of Outside the Script. I love you so much, and I will see you in the next episode. Bye for now.