She Evolves: Becoming Her

In this episode of She Evolves: Becoming Her, Brittany Janelle interviews Urmi Hossain — a self-published author, speaker, blogger, and podcast host.

Together, they dive into redefining womanhood, breaking the narrative around stereotypes about women, and discussing resilience, personal evolution, and pushing past your own limitations.

This is an episode you don’t want to miss. ✨

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Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:29

Hey y'all. Welcome to the Rainings Effect podcast, where the goal is to help you shine from the inside out. I'm your host, Brittany Janelle. Let's get into it. Okay, you guys, I am so excited for today's episode. Today's title of the episode is called She Evolves Becoming Her. And I'm excited to be interviewing our guest, Ernie Hossein. How are you feeling today?

SPEAKER_00 0:53

Good and you?

SPEAKER_01 0:55

Good, good. I can't complain. Girl, I know we're just saying that I feel like this has been a long time coming. So I'm so excited to finally have the opportunity to interview you and have you on the Radiance Effect.

SPEAKER_00 1:08

Thank you. Thank you so much for having me.

SPEAKER_01 1:11

Absolutely. Now I do have a bio that I just wanted to read just so that the audience can get to know you a little bit better. So you are a self-published author, speaker, blogger, and podcast host who works in the financial services industry in Canada. You hold the CFA and C AIA designations, and you are passionate about empowering women through mentorship, education, and public speaking. In your book, Discovering Your Identity, a Rebirth from Interracial Struggle, you explore your journey as a third culture kid, navigating the complexities and culture and belonging. You also host your own podcast, which is called Stories Beyond Borders, a podcast that amplifies the diverse voices of identity, migration, and language. That's welcome to the show.

SPEAKER_00 2:04

Thank you. Thank you for having me.

SPEAKER_01 2:07

Absolutely. So to go ahead and just kind of talk a little bit about how the show came about. So you and I connected months ago now at this point. I think it was like last fall. Maybe.

SPEAKER_00 2:19

Oh, maybe. Yeah, probably. I thought it was like December, maybe, or maybe November, but I didn't think it was like that far behind.

SPEAKER_01 2:29

Yeah, yeah. So just so the audience can learn a little bit more. Um, I know we connected on social media, and we first had like a virtual call just to kind of get to know each other a little bit better. And I remember when I was coming up with an idea for this episode, I'm not gonna lie, girl, I was a little bit nervous just because this is my first time interviewing someone out of the country, you know, different backgrounds, different views, and all the things. But as I took a moment to pause and to truly think about what encompasses a woman, it's that, right? Because we're all different. We're made up of different beliefs, different backgrounds, and all the things that makes us beautiful and powerful. So as we started talking a little bit more, we're like, okay, March is Women's Histories Month and International Women's Day. So that's one of the things we're gonna be focusing this specific episode on. All right. So just to kind of break the ice a little bit, I normally like to start by doing the icebreaker just so that I can get to know my guests a little bit more as well as the audience. Okay. These specific questions will be tailored toward International Women's Day. So I'm going to essentially just ask your question and I'll just love to hear your response from there.

SPEAKER_00 3:47

Sounds good.

SPEAKER_01 3:48

Perfect. Number one, what's something about being a woman that you've had to redefine for yourself?

SPEAKER_00 3:56

I think I had to redefine the definition of success. Uh, for the longest time, I think that I used to think success comes from external validation and it comes from your your own achievements. But I thought that it was more about how like what the kind of job that you get, it's about the kind of pay that you make, it comes from you know your promotions, it comes from your reputation. But that definition has changed throughout time, and I think it changed also as soon as I reach my 30s, and I realized that success is more purpose-driven, it's more about alignment and it's about more about how you feel from the inside. It's when you are having that internal level of satisfaction because you know that you have believing your your true self. So I think that's one thing that I have learned. I think success is taught to you in a certain way when you're a kid, but then as you become an adult and you, you know, learn about the life lessons, you realize that success is completely different.

SPEAKER_01 5:06

That's so good, that's really good. Um, you know, I was thinking about that with my own self as well, because I feel like a lot of times people can just put things on you and just say you're successful, right? But for me, I feel the most proud of myself based on the things that I've been able to overcome, right? And um, it's definitely everything that you just said, it's your own definition of what's success. So thank you for sharing that. I appreciate it. All right, number two, once one narrative about women that you're committed to breaking.

SPEAKER_00 5:40

One narrative. I would say it's when we are told that we are too bossy. But and that's something that I hear often, and I know sometimes uh this is seen as a negative thing, but I think it's the biggest compliment that someone can make. But I think when a woman is bossy, it really means that she's um leading with assertiveness, and she is leading with conviction. That's how I see it. Like we we think we associate bossy as like a negative thing, but it's usually coming from men saying that. And for me, it's it's not that, it's just the way we lead, and we lead with the with conviction, with firm. We know what we want, and we lead to to make a change. That's how I see it. So that's one thing that I'm I'm trying to change in terms of narrative. We never say that to a man, so why are we saying that to a woman so we can prove to other people that we're just being assertive?

SPEAKER_01 6:44

Wow, that is so good. You just gave me chills over here because throughout my own career, that's one thing that I always had to work through. Um, and at one point I felt like I had to silence my voice because I didn't want to come across a certain way, right? I didn't want to be deemed as a person that was glossy. But how you just flip the switch and you're like, okay, that's something that can be a compliment because you're assertive, right? And I think that that's something that the audience should really hear that just because someone labels you with something, there's a different way that you can flip the switch to um see how it's actually beneficial. So thank you. All right, so question three Who is a woman, past or present, who shaped how you see yourself today.

SPEAKER_00 7:31

I would say a woman who has really shaped the way that I am right now, it's Megan Markle. I very much admire a lot of her humanitarian work. I also like the way she comes across. She's very elegant in the way she speaks, in the way she presents herself to the world. And she has a very poised and calm energy, which is what I also try to convey. And she has been inspiration for me. Like, she does a lot of things when it comes to feminism, women's empowerment, and giving back to women and helping like women in general. And one of the reasons why I do a lot of the things, such as female mentorship, being part of women's uh women's organization, is because of her message, of the way she does things and the way she gives back. So a lot of the things that I said that I have done so far, it's because of the of her, because she has been my my biggest uh source of inspiration.

SPEAKER_01 8:30

That's beautiful. I um that's a good one. Just because when I think about her too, I think about all the obstacles that she had to work through. Um, and like you said, she did it with such grace and such poise. And I think that that's something that all women or people in general can just have a strong takeaway is like you're always gonna be faced with something, but how can you work through it and how can you work through it with grace, right? Another person that stands out for me is Michelle Obama. Um, she has a specific quote that's um it says, When they go low, we go high. And that's something that I always continuously tell myself, just because you're never gonna be able to be in a situation in which you won't have to work through something. People might always talk about you, they may always judge you, but it doesn't mean that you have to just fall into what they're saying or to go low as they're going, right? You can always choose to have a different perspective. So that's fun. All right. I just have one other quick icebreaker, and you actually were hinting on it in your last comment for question two. So this one's called break the narrative. Um, so essentially I'll say a common narrative about women, and I want you to respond with how you would rewrite it. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 9:44

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 9:45

So number one, you're too emotional. Girl, we hear that a lot.

SPEAKER_00 9:51

You're too emotional. I would say that we are allowed to feel our all our emotions. It's what makes us human, it's what helps us to lead with empathy and compassion. And our emotions are our strengths. Mic drop.

SPEAKER_01 10:10

Mic drop, girl. Wow. I love that. I love that. I think that's so powerful because for me, I remember the first time that I cried at work, and I immediately wanted to run away because I'm like, I don't want anyone to see me crying, right? Um, just because a lot of times that phrase is so powerful, and I used to think that people would lose respect for me if they saw emotions. But I've learned that my own leaders I respected the most have been people who have been able to be vulnerable with me and be able to connect with me in a deeper level.

SPEAKER_00 10:43

I was going to say that. That someone crying, it's not a sign of weakness, it's just a sign of strength. Like our vulnerability is our biggest strength. And I think we should show it as much as possible to people that we're not perfect and we are allowed to feel our emotions because we're human.

SPEAKER_01 11:05

Thank you. All right, next prompt. You're being difficult.

SPEAKER_00 11:12

You're being difficult. I I hear that quite often, uh, if I if I have to be truly honest. And um I would say that I'm allowed to have my own opinion. I'm allowed to uh have my own ideas, and as someone who is an advocate of her own opinion, I will uh strongly believe in that and fight and fight for them, fight for my ideas.

SPEAKER_01 11:43

Yes, that's so good, and it's so powerful, and I really hope that if someone's listening to this, they can have their own takeaways or maybe maybe even throw in their own way to spin that prompt. Um, just because when someone would tell me that I was being too difficult, kind of going back to what I said previously, it would make me think that I needed to silence my voice, right? And it's nothing wrong with being difficult, quote unquote, just because you're being different and you're bringing something to the table. I remember one of the most powerful things that I learned at my last job. I heard someone say, um, whenever you have the opportunity to have a seat at the table, you should make a comment, ask a question, or answer a question to always use your voice, right? Have your own opinion. So that's what's so important here. Is just because someone thinks that you're being difficult, don't allow that to silence your voice. Thank you for your responses. I really love those icebreakers just because I feel like I was able to get to know you a little bit better. And I think that what we just talked about will resonate deeply with other women. So appreciate it. And now, yeah, and now on to my favorite part, which I call let's get into it, which is the interview segment. Okay. Um, so when I was thinking of some of these questions, I really wanted to focus on a few different themes, which are the evolution of a woman, um, self-imposed limitations, and overcoming obstacles. Now, as I read your bio, it is very, very impressive. But as I've learned to study a little bit more, um, have a couple conversations with you, I've grown to understand that that only scratches the surface of who you are. And um, I just wanted to just dive into who Ermi is and who you came to be. Okay. So, the first question you've dedicated so much of your work to advancing women in leadership and helping women break past limitations placed on them. I'd love to know what experiences in your own life shape that passion.

SPEAKER_00 13:54

I would say for me, a lot of the work that I do in relation to women in leadership or gender equality or uh women's empowerment do come from my own personal experience, meaning that a lot of it comes from the from the cultures that I belong to. Uh so I am of a South Asian heritage, and I often seen how women are segregated, they're often uh silenced, they're often not given the opportunity to have a place in a room, place at the table. And because of that, I decided that we had to change the narrative. Like we have a space in every single aspect of our life, we have a space in the work that we do, we have a space at home. We also should be able to use our voice and to advocate for what we need and for what we want, but we're not giving that chance. And so I joined those um like different organizations because I want to help women to find their voice and instill confidence, but also to live their life like with a purpose. So again, we are told that you have to follow the conventional way, that you have to do uh certain things to make the society happy, you know, your friends, your family, uh, other external validations, but sometimes we're not given the chance to be who we want to be. And so a lot of the things that I do, like mentoring, uh going to social events where other women are there and things like that, is to have those kind of kind of conversations to spark, you know, interest and ideas and to make them aware that they are in control of their life and they can change it.

SPEAKER_01 15:34

That is powerful, and I really appreciate that. Um, I think for me, when I think about like being in control of my life, I didn't personally feel like I was able to be in control of my life until I worked through the hard parts of my life, right? I feel like once I was able to work through those obstacles and just kind of how you were hinting on in the beginning of what you said, like that's what taught me who I am, that I'm like far more resilient than I ever would have known, right? And I don't have to conform to the standard of what society is telling me that I have to conform to, that I'm okay to just be Britney as I am. And as you mentioned, as you mentor women now, it's it's kind of crazy. And it kind of like makes me think about I just feel so proud because it's like everything that I do now, my purpose was birthed out of something that I had to overcome. And just with learning a little bit more about your story, too, it kind of sounds similar, like just your upbringing and things that you had to work through kind of push you into the purpose that you have now to help other women. So that's beautiful. All right. Question two Was there a season in your life where you felt you were becoming a completely different version of yourself? And if so, what triggered that transformation?

SPEAKER_00 16:55

Yes, I do have a season of my life, and I would say it was right before the pandemic. I think that I was not aware of what I was able to do and my capabilities. So I think that before the pandemic, I was just, you know, going to work and having that typical life that every single person does as soon as they're out of university, you start working. And then there is there is no other purpose in life besides working. And so your your yourself, your identity is attached to a company, and you think that your life is just attached to that specific uh position or role that you have in a company. But then when the pandemic happened, I think I had time to reflect and revisit a little bit about myself and what I wanted to do eventually and how I wanted to become in the nearest future, and that's when I decided to be to get comfortable with uncomfortable, and I started to test the waters by doing different things. So I started to be a bit more out there in terms of like social media, online presence, and started to build my YouTube channel. I have a I had a website, I had a blog where I would write things, I started to have an online presence also with LinkedIn, Instagram, and so forth. I started to find organizations like mentorship organizations where I could give back to women, and I feel like by doing those things, I finally became the the woman that I am today, like empowered, knowledgeable, confident. But it's something that it really like I think the shift really happened during the pandemic because I gave myself time to finally think and be aware of what was missing in my life. And I also have read a lot of books where they talk about personal development, motivation, the ikigai concept. And then finally, I feel like I it was in that moment that I had the shift and I and I found the answers.

SPEAKER_01 18:56

So to follow up on what you say, because I feel like we have similar stories in that way. Um, you mentioned something about being uncomfortable, and I want to stay there because I personally experienced that when I was uncomfortable, I sometimes wanted to go back to my old way of doing things, my old mindset and my old habits. How are you able to push and maneuver through the most uncomfortable times in your life to be able to become the woman that you are?

SPEAKER_00 19:22

So for me, when something was uncomfortable, I um I had to take a little bit of like a pause and really reflect on it. And what happened is I tried to remember the reason why I started that particular thing, like that particular project. And I told myself, if I give up on it, I'm just betraying myself. And I and I'm betraying the reason why I started it. Like I was no longer focusing on my goal or my end destination. And so the way that I was able to stay motivated and stay through the fears and certainty was that I just remembered myself of my why, why I've started on that specific thing, specific goal. And I also kept reminding myself my end goal, like what was the purpose of me doing that? And so that was something that always like brought me back and never allowed me to really like give up on it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 20:19

That's really good. And I remember um my first big girl career job, right? That's one of the things that we talked about is establishing a why. And that's so important, right? Whatever that may be, or you know, whatever, whatever your why is, um, just to be the best that you can be, whatever inspires you, it's just so important because it keeps you moving. And essentially for me, with my mindset, I had to flip the switch and I start to say, why not me? Right. Because I used to limit myself so much and I would say, why, why not me? Why can't I be the first person who's done this? Why can't I be the woman who can accomplish this? Right. And to be a minority, a lot of times I used to always second guess myself, or I would um want to downplay my own potential and abilities because I didn't always see a lot of people in rooms who look like me. And for sure not a lot of women who were successful, right? But at the end of the day, I think for anyone listening to this, I would want you to have a takeaway of why not you, because you're very capable of doing anything that you set your mind too. Um, so next question What obstacle taught you the most about your own resilience? And I know you've hinted on it a little bit in some of your um responses, but to go a little bit deeper.

SPEAKER_00 21:38

Actually, one of the things that I one of the life lessons that I have learned is in relation to rejections. I uh I feel like rejections and failures from you know work opportunities or let's say personal project where I felt like I was not able to get through them at the end, or maybe I was not. Selected, let's say during an interview process when I was applying for a job, they just taught me to see this as a way to pivot yourself towards something that is actually waiting for you. And so I started to see the rejections as a redirection where everything was it happened for a reason, and that's because you're meant to be somewhere else. And so, like when it came to work opportunities, I was often rejected, but they led me to where I'm supposed to be right now, which is which was my initial plan from the beginning. But I didn't, you know, I had to go through a lot of obstacles before getting there. And I think that rejection really helped me to see them as a learning opportunity, as building resilience. I think that's one thing that I have learned through rejections, through like from the different interview process or personal projects, is that they taught me about resilience, they taught me about being determined, they taught me about being persistent. I think that's one thing that I have learned a lot about myself is that I don't like to give up easily. So uh basically, the all the rejection really taught me about tenacity, persistence, determination, and they really helped to build my character. And that's one thing they don't teach at school. Like at school, they teach you not how to do basic things, but they don't teach you about resilience and resilience and other this other traits that I have just mentioned. You learn them from life experiences. So sometimes when I talk to people, but even like people in general, they always see rejection as such a failure. I think you should see it as a way to like leverage your skills, leverage your knowledge for something else, and you have to see it as a science as something that you have been waiting to get to get for so long is is coming, is gonna come to you eventually. So it's also about like patience as well that that I got from rejections.

SPEAKER_01 23:49

Oh my goodness, you know, one of the things I think about, um, and I've said this before in other episodes, is if you didn't keep going, how would your life be different? Right? And people can Google you and see all the things that you've done and some of your accomplishments. But if you weren't able to be resilient, you wouldn't be the woman that you are today. And it's so interesting because people can look at a certain product per se, right? And they can just admire the end goal, but they don't know all the things that it took to be able to get to that place and that position. So it's like resilience is so key, and that is a strong character trait because if you aren't able to be resilient, you're not gonna be able to be the best, the strongest, the most of all version of yourself.

SPEAKER_00 24:35

Yeah, yeah, exactly. And if I could add something else to resilience, is that I often like to compare my failures and my rejection as me being um knocked down in a boxing uh um in a boxing uh I don't know how they're called, in a boxing uh gym, you know when you're yeah, you know when you're fighting and they knock you down because I do boxing and that's the parallel comparison that I make is that when you are fighting, you're they like you know they knock you down, but then what makes you stronger is when you are getting up and fighting back. And so that's how I see you know that the what I have learned in boxing in my own personal life is that that I'm getting up, you know, I'm fighting back when it comes to achieving my goals.

SPEAKER_01 25:23

I love that analogy. Thank you. I used to, you know, go to some boxing classes too back in the day. So I I definitely get it, girl. All right, my last question that I have for you. Um, just to take a moment to really reflect, um, for those who are listening to this episode. What advice would you give to a woman who feels stuck in a version of herself that she's outgrown?

SPEAKER_00 25:53

What advice would you give to someone who feels stuck in a version that she's outgrown? In a version that she's outgrown. I would say that it's never too late to reinvent yourself. I think that as women, we are in continuous evolution and we have so many resources to use our skills, leverage our skills, and to be who we want to be and to work on different skills as well. And what's very important, I think that's one of the biggest life lessons that I learned is that you always have to make sure that you're learning every day. You have to be a lifelong learner to make your life exciting and to and to be learning each day. That's how you stay curious, that's how you become successful, and that's how what makes it fun. And so for women out there who feel like you know they're not feeling that their best their best selves or they want to be something different, my message is that it's never too late, you always have time to reinvent yourself.

SPEAKER_01 26:57

That's so powerful, girl, because for me, I reinvented myself in my late 20s, right? Same, same, same. I started going out, doing things by myself, dating myself, reading different books, listening to podcasts, and I feel like I truly learned who Britney is when I was 30 years old. So even if you're beyond your 30s, whatever it may be, like it's never too late. And to always have the goal and the mindset that I want to continue to evolve to be the best person, to continue to evolve to be the best version as well, right? And to just be excited for what's to come because there are great things on the other side of you pushing past your obstacles and you working through your mindset and you just seeing yourself as you truly are. So I just want to say thank you so, so much for taking the time to do this episode with me. And I'm just really hopeful um that the women that are listening to this episode have great takeaways and great nuggets and gems, um, and to continue to pay it forward, to be a light to other women and just to encourage them to let them know that they're capable beyond what they see. So I appreciate those who are listening. Be sure to tune into the Radiance Effect podcast every other Monday at 7 p.m. Until next time. Bye.