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The Radiance Effect Podcast
Our mission is to help others embrace their true beauty, grow into the best version of themselves, and shine from the inside out.
The Radiance Effect Podcast
Radiant Mothers
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In this season finale, Brittany Janelle sits down with two mothers, Anissa and Jessica, for an honest and heartfelt conversation about motherhood. Together, they explore themes of identity and self-discovery, work-life balance, fears, growth, and the realities of parenting and raising children.
This episode is filled with reflective moments, vulnerability, empowerment, and meaningful insight. From navigating personal challenges to embracing the beauty and complexity of motherhood, the conversation offers encouragement, relatability, and inspiration for women in every season of life.
Tune in for a powerful discussion rooted in authenticity, connection, and empowerment — this is definitely one you won’t want to miss. ❤️
Be on the lookout for Season 3! Stay connected with Brittany, and be sure to follow along for updates, new episodes, and more inspiring conversations:
https://www.instagram.com/theradianceeffectpodcast/
Hey y'all. Welcome to the Radiance Effect podcast, where the goal is to help you shine from the inside out. I'm your host, Brittany Janelle. Let's get into it. Okay, you guys. Oh my gosh. I feel like I'm about to cry. And as y'all have been listening to me, y'all already know I'm criers. And the reason being is because this is the last episode of season two. And it's crazy. And in honor of Mother's Day, the title and theme of this episode is called Radiant Mothers. And I have the opportunity to interview two beautiful women who just happen to be my friends. Love you. So just to introduce you to the crowd, um, I want you to say your name, of course, how many children you have. And I also want you to answer this. If you could use one word to describe what motherhood means to you, what would it be? So, name, how many children, and if you could use one word to describe what motherhood means to you. Okay. I don't know who wanna go first. Don't y'all find out one.
SPEAKER_02Let me go. Yeah, go ahead. Okay. Hi, everybody. Um, I'm Anissa. Um, if we're getting real formal, Brooks Taylor. Uh, I have 10 kids. I'm just kidding. I have two. I have two kids. I have two boys, Levi and Braxton. They're four and two. Um, I love being a boy mom. Um the word that would describe motherhood to me, it's gotta be. This sounds so simple, but everything. Like it's truly everything to me. And I'll it'll make more sense as we talk, but it's everything.
SPEAKER_00I don't know why that just gave me like a little shiver. Yeah. Because I felt it. Yeah. Okay.
SPEAKER_05So my name is Jessica. Um, I have one son, Jackson, actually Antoine Jackson, but we call him Jackson. He is two years old, he'll be three this year. And to describe in one word what motherhood means to me is I mean, so many things came to my mind. First, it was like perseverance and then duty. Like, I don't play when it comes to motherhood. Like, I don't play any game. So, duty and yeah, I think that's I don't know. It would that be a good description. I need to do that. It's your truth, yeah.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I love that. It's interesting. I feel like I'm gonna learn a lot from y'all. So, y'all may not know this, but I am a mother as well. Well, I'm a dog mom, it might be a little different, you know, but I don't actually have human children. So I'm excited to learn from these women. Shout out to you, shout out to you, baby girls. All right, so let's go ahead and warm up the floor a little bit. I know we already vibing, but just so the audience can get to know you a little bit better. Um, I have this activity called Finish the Sentence, okay? So I'm just gonna ask you a question and I want you to finish the sentence.
SPEAKER_05Okay. Okay.
SPEAKER_00And feel free, like if you want to like ping off of what somebody else said, don't hesitate to do that, okay? Okay. So question number one. I knew I was officially a mom when girl when the baby actually came.
SPEAKER_05And I was like, oh, I can't take them back to the hospital. I'm somebody mama, for real. Um, I guess being pregnant, you know, you already kind of get immersed in motherhood. Your body is growing as baby, you build and you feel the first flutters, and you're connecting with them and you're talking to them, although you don't know if they hear you or not. But you know, you already have building this relationship with them. And then when they come or when they birth, um, and then you know, them first couple of days, like, oh damn, I can't take this baby back. I'm really somebody mama. I will never it's whatever. It ain't no return receipt at Walmart, nothing like that. Yeah, return to Cinder. No, you stuck with that baby. That's your wow. So, yeah, like I probably like the first good week, um, because I had Jason as via C-section, and then I still was um like recovering. So I didn't really connect with him as much when he first was born. Like they literally, he was cut out of me and gave straight to his daddy. And then I really wasn't in the space to really like enjoy and have him on my chest. And I felt some kind of way about it too for a long time, not being able to um bind and connect. Yeah, and then not giving birth vaginally like I thought. Like I just knew I was gonna birth him like vaginally, not you know, I prepared, did the classes, did all the things, and baby had a whole C-section. But, you know, it probably was the best, but I didn't really connect with him when at that C-section because he went straight to his daddy, and I was like still on medication and stuff, and I couldn't really hold him and build that with him. But then when we went home, and then for his week, oh yeah, I'm the mom.
SPEAKER_01I'm the mama, I'm the mama.
SPEAKER_02What about your girl? Um, actually, much earlier for me. When I first heard um, okay, so for context, I've been pregnant three times. I miscarried my first time, uh, which is it's okay. I've been through the journey and done all the healing. It's actually very common. And if you guys want to talk about that, we can. But um, even when I first heard the heart heartbeat of my first pregnancy, I was like, oh, I'm in it. Like the heartbeat really set it for me. And I miscarried very early. And it's very common when you miscarry that you get pregnant again very quick. Um, and so I got pregnant again very quick. Um, and then so I got to hear a heartbeat pretty close, right? A couple months later. So the heartbeat set it in for me for some reason, and like the ultrasound, and then it really set in, like when I started feeling like you see your bump, but like the kick. Yeah, and like when they're like moving and grooving in there, yeah. I'm like rolling out your hands. I'm like a I'm in protection mode and they're it's still in my stomach. So yeah, very early for me, I felt I knew. But I also like when I was young, I very much so knew I wanted to have kids. I knew I wanted to have a lot of kids, which I'm done by the way. But back then, I I just knew that I was gonna love the that feeling and feel connected pretty early. Now, it could have not happened that way, yeah, to her point, but it did. And once I started feeling those things, I was doubting.
SPEAKER_00Wow. I feel like this is gonna get deep, deep. Even what you just said now. We're gonna we're gonna dive deeper in the next section. But let me go ahead and move to the next icebreaker. We're we're gonna go there. We're gonna go there.
SPEAKER_05And then the thing, me and Anisa have like a connection. Oh my god, our babies are born on the same thing. Our babies are born on the same thing.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, that's right.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, and Jackson. Braxton and Jackson, boy mom, completely different personalities. Yeah, but uh we have like a deeper connection. We didn't even know we gave birth on the same day to like later, like weeks, months later, until we actually like really got to net got together and connected. And it was just like, oh girl, this your child. How sexer is bracing his mind in a sense, yeah.
SPEAKER_00Wow. And your kids are very different personalities too, so that's interesting.
SPEAKER_02Oh, oh, yeah, yeah. There's a lot fundamentally that they're similar about, but to like their core now, they're very different kids. But I'm actually happy about it. Yeah, it brings excitement to know that my kids are um same but vastly, vastly different for sure.
SPEAKER_03I love it.
SPEAKER_00All right, next question. The one thing no one warned me about motherhood, because I be hearing some things. So let's get your perspective.
SPEAKER_05There's so many things I can say. So in the beginning, they talk about oh, you gotta train your baby, you gotta uh train your baby to sleep. Let me tell y'all something. That baby's gonna train you to sleep. I've never been a morning person. I've always slept to like 12, 11 o'clock. Now I get up at five o'clock in the morning. Like my body instantly just naturally wake up. It's never been the case. So, like the older women or my mama. Oh, you gotta train your baby, you gotta train your baby to sleep so you get asleep. You gotta sleep when you get when the baby sleep. How? How many? How? While you you're running on fumes, literally fruit fumes, and also um you gotta feed the baby. The baby wakes up every two hours, and then not only that, it's like, when are you gonna have time to get the stuff done around the house with the laundry, the pumping, the the um just taking a damn bath, washing your ass.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, you don't go. Lot of short days, lot of short days.
SPEAKER_05You don't do you is man, that baby's gonna train you. So you on that baby schedule. That baby wake up crying, it get up and get that bottle. Yeah, and and yeah. And I used to tell my mama, I think you forgot. Like she had three kids, but I'm like, I think you forgot when you had a newborn and how it was because they say train that baby to this day. Jackson's still sleep, he's still close, co close, what is the word? Co-sleep with me. Okay. Um he's at times he still gets up in the middle of the night and they looking for their bottle. They looking for their comfort, they looking for mommy. Where is mommy? So yeah, uh, they say train train the baby, but the baby trained you.
SPEAKER_00Girl, that's interesting. I'm a sleepy girl, and I just be like, oh baby, that's the one thing I'll be wearing.
SPEAKER_02What's interesting? Okay, say your question again, because I feel like my where your question took me is also in relation to her question. So say it one more time.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, so the one thing no one warned me about motherhood is okay.
SPEAKER_02So I feel like, and this I'm very much so, I believe only certain things in life are truly black and white. And I feel like a lot of people may give you advice, it may give you perspective from a very black and white standpoint. And I think a lot of people fail. One motherhood goes so fast that it makes sense why your mom, your grandmother, your aunts forgot about the beginning stages because you literally you're in such a like trans that, like, if it wasn't for technology and all the pictures in my phone, there's so many days I don't remember, so many things I don't remember. So, like, you already gotta take advice with a grain of salt. But I think the the biggest part is that, and I have two kids, she only has one. So I'm speaking from my perspective, is that your kids could be wildly different, your experience could be so different from the next person that it honestly only makes sense to take so much advice. And you shouldn't let so many people into your circle because they just don't know what they don't. I'm not in your house with a camera spying on you day in and day out to be able to tell you what you should do. Because my first son, we slept together all the time, right? Like to your point. And I knew consciously I may have been creating a bad habit, but now it's my baby, and I want him to sleep on me. Yeah, my second son was very different. He was forced to kind of figure it out because I had two c-sections like she did. My first one was an emergency c-section um unexpectedly, and my second one was um an ex a scheduled one. So a lot less traumatic, a lot less whatever, which was not what I wanted to do. It's just what happened. Um, but I my four-year-old was one when I had my two, my newborn, right? So I have him, I got a newborn in my face, I got a dog in my face, my husband's back to work. He had to figure out how to sleep because I still had a baby on me and I'm still covering from a C-section. So their sleep patterns are vastly different. Can't nobody tell him you just get into that and it just, you just figure, you just figure it out. Man, yeah. So, like, I think the biggest thing that nobody prepares you for is just that the journey could be so different every day that nobody preps you on how you should be easy on yourself, how much grace you should give yourself, how much respect you should give yourself from the fact that even when they're cut out of you, my kids are put right on top of my chest because they could be, and I'm cut open. I'm there stitching me up. You see them, and then you're just in this situation. Nobody prepares you for the immediate transition to, well, now this baby is here and it's crying on me. So I think it's like the lack of grace and the lack of like giving yourself time back to work on your mind, the self-piece. Nobody prepares you on how to do that. Everybody wants to tell you about, oh, you're not gonna sleep, you're gonna lose sleep. Oh my god, that baby's gonna cry. Oh my god, the baby's gonna poop in the bath. Yeah, no shit. Right. It's a freaking baby. Yeah, yeah. Why don't you be a little bit more optimistic and like tell me how you got your mind straight, how you got the guilt to go away about going to the gym. How you didn't let that little cold make you feel like you had to rush to the to the doctor. Like, how did you become normal again? Nobody talks about that, nobody prepares you for that. That's your mind.
SPEAKER_00Girl, okay. It's Leah's too. Listen, it's Leah's.
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
SPEAKER_00I have go ahead, go ahead.
SPEAKER_05I was gonna say to add on, every child is different, every pregnancy is different. A lot of times everybody give their advice about, well, you gonna this happen to me and it's gonna happen to you. No, it's not. Everybody's not maybe, maybe not. Everybody's situation is different, and a lot of times people tend to give unsolicited advice, but it you're not even giving me the steps to what that looks like. Like I said, when mommy, you gotta try your baby to sleep. How? And they just talking. A lot of people just talking. Right. Another thing they didn't say, well, I don't know if Anisa experienced this, but like now I'm learning about healing your core. Like the doctors don't talk about after you um right. After you give birth or after you get a dissection, yeah, that you're not gonna be leveled anymore. You gotta heal it. Like, oh yeah, you can go ahead on a workout, but we're not discussing the discussing the arterial tilt. Yeah. Well you where your bones are tilted because you've been pushed out for so long. Oh, or you don't they don't talk about how you know you gotta do these different exercises and breathing so your your core can be stronger now. And I'm picking up an eight eight-pound, 10-pound, 30-pound little baby now, and I gotta pick out how am I gonna be strong enough to not just day-to-late life, but also be dealing with this baby, this child.
SPEAKER_00That's so interesting because I've been saying it on social media lately. A lot of women talking about I'm preparing my body for pregnancy, and I didn't really know what that meant. But just relating to your example though, like having a strong core and like all those different things, but I didn't think about like the aftermath of what your body truly goes through.
SPEAKER_05It's a realistic change. Yeah, oh my goodness. I can't even do lunges and squats the same no more. Like, I literally have to focus and be like, okay, I gotta breathe in, type your focus, focus, bring it together.
SPEAKER_00Exactly. Wow. Well, you know what's crazy is this was just an icebreaker. I'm like, I didn't really ask y'all nothing for real, for real, but I love it. I love it. Yes, yes, and I hope the audience is feeling all this energy because I'm just having such a great time right now. And just to get into the main portion, which is called Let's Get Into It. So let me tell y'all how I came about a lot of these questions. So I actually talked to my mom, and I was like, girl, obviously, you know, I'm not a human mom, we'll say that, right? Um, but like, where are some of the things that moms work through and they struggle with or whatever it may be? And we came up with four different sections, okay? The first one is identity and self, the second one is work-life balance, okay. The next one is worries, fears, and growth. And the last category is parenting and raising kids, which obviously you know we'll just work through, okay? Um, so the last episode that I just did was talking about the beauty within. So I really want to focus on that and expand on it from a mother's standpoint. Okay. So, from the first question, how did becoming a mom change how you see yourself?
SPEAKER_05Um, I just posted this the other yesterday. Like becoming a mom, I thought I was already a badass. Look at me now. Like, you can't tell me nothing when it comes to being a woman. Like, I think, and that's part I hate to say, like, becoming a mother, it even solidifies like your womanhood. Um, but becoming a mom is just like I have done things that I never thought I could do. Like days where I thought I could not make it, like days where I'm running on eat, days that okay, I'm going to work, I gotta cook dinner, I gotta feed a baby, I gotta pack the clothes. How am I gonna do all this? And I push through and I do it done and get it done. Like, I've like that's when I say I ain't no morning person, but getting up five o'clock in the morning and running it, like, and now that you know, we're I'm co-parenting with my son's father, but I did it on my own for a long for a while, still doing it on my own. Well, it's just me and him. So it has pushed the bounds of what I think who I am, like I can do anything.
SPEAKER_00You know, that's so interesting because like I admire mothers in general, but especially single moms, and to get up every day and to just go out and just get it, right? And to not always have someone to depend on. So, girl, I commend you for that.
SPEAKER_05Thank you, yes, ma'am. Well, yeah, well, kill, well, don't kill you, make it stronger. That's it.
SPEAKER_00You see, I'm still out here moving.
SPEAKER_01Yes, indeed.
SPEAKER_00So I'll ask you again, girl. So it says, How did become the mom change how you see yourself?
SPEAKER_02I don't I don't think it changed me. I think it enlightened things and lit things that were already there in me. For example, I've always played like the protector role. Like I'm naturally a protector. I don't like um to see people be messed with. I don't like to see people down. I don't like to see people mistreated. I don't like to see people be down on themselves, right? Like I have a sense of like I want you to be taken care of and be protected. And um, I was again, so I was already like that. But once I had kids, the level of like, no, I got you. Like that went like through the roof where it would like truly, it didn't consume me in like a bad way, but it consumed me in a sense of like, I'm a talker, you know that I'm extremely social. Don't get explicit girls but I'm my head is always on a swivel. I'm very aware of what's going on. I always know what's around me. My intuition is very strong. Like, I feel like I'm a good people reader. And thank God, because that level of like I'm a protector has, I feel like, saved me and my child in a lot of instances, and just like social experiences that I've had. Um, and the way that maybe it's changed me in a sense is that it's made me reflect on the way I delivered as a protector. Because you can be a protector and still enable somebody. And that's what I used to do protect and enable. And now I'm more so where I want to protect you and help you protect yourself, help you learn, give you the skills to, if you were in a situation and you're not with me, you know how to get out of it or protect yourself or have the confidence to say, not me, not today. Yeah. And so that part it made a little change there. So the protection piece, I definitely think was big for me. And then the way that I see my purpose in life has changed for me. Not like a 180, but I remember my my mom is wonderful. We had a lot of ups and downs, and um, we've fallen out more in my adult life than my childhood. But I remember being very close to my mother growing up, and she took a lot of time off of work, she stayed home with us. A very honorable thing that she did. And she's never said this a lot, but I always wondered if she truly went after what she wanted in life and if she had the self-fulfillment of like I did what I wanted to do, what I dreamt of. And I don't think that she did. I don't think she'll talk about it, but I don't think that she did. And so I'm so hyper aware of how I make myself happy and the things that I do because your kids only know what you show them.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_02And I feel like my purpose is to, they didn't ask to be here, but to give them the experiences and the perspective to say, you get one life, and if you do it right, one's enough. Right. And so if I could give them the tools to go after what they want to, because they say, well, my mom did it, well, my dad did it, then I think that I won in life, whatever that means to them. So I think my hyperness of like how I move, what I do, why I do it, is game changer since having kids versus when I did.
SPEAKER_00So you just said something that was really powerful as you were speaking about purpose, right? I even think about my own mom, and she had all these aspirations of what she wanted to do. And then she's told me so many times, you know, you had children and then your priorities shift, right? Which I still understand is true. But how do you find that you're able to still push through and say, despite what you just communicated, as far as like being an example, but still wanting to pursue your purpose and not making everything be solely about children?
SPEAKER_02Yeah. Um, I think for me it's that the guilt is temporary and the joy that you get out of going after what you want can be sustained long term if your focus and your and your purpose is clear. Um, I, you know, spent 10 years in the staffing industry. The back half of that and the learning and development side of things. I traveled once a month for a week. And I traveled while I was pregnant, once I had kids, and so on and so through. And but that's all they know. Yeah. And the I remember my first trip away from my son, like I was on the plane, like freaking out. Like, man, I'm leaving my kid. My kid is four months old. Yeah. You know, and my husband's amazing, by the way. And my husband also traveled. So this lifestyle has been very normal for us. Um, but I just remember that guilt, like being on the plane of like leaving Levi, like my oldest. And then it slowly went away. And I got to, you know, where I was at. I'm setting up my training, and I got into the the other mode, which is I'm about to deliver in this training for two and a half days. And then it started to become Euphoric, where it was like a reset for me. And it made me excited to go back home. And I had a lot more clarity. So I think for me, it was that the guilt is temporary. Eventually, it becomes your new norm, this rhythm that you're in, this process that you're in. And that's how it felt for me. And also, it went from my son being like, Where's my mom? to he was excited to see what I was doing. And he understood we started communicating very early why, even though he's six months old, why I'm doing this, where I'm going. Early and often is my model. Early and often. So the guilt is gonna go away. I think it's disrespectful to yourself to not live a life that you once dreamed of because you have kids. If I'm being I'm being harsh, but postpartum depression, certain things are going to stump you. It is hard, very hard. But one day you do have to wake up and say, I was put on this earth for a reason. Don't disrespect yourself by not doing what you're capable of, because there's no limit. So your kids only know what you show them. It's only normal, what you show them is normal. What we do isn't normal to my kids.
SPEAKER_00Well, let's dive a little bit deeper just because you were talking about the postpartum depression, and I hear how common that is. Like if that's something, if if y'all feel open to share, like that y'all have experienced, and if so, how does y'all work through that?
SPEAKER_02I'm gonna go quick and because I'm gonna be honest, I never really I can't say I was had it. I can't. And I maybe I lucked out like that. I for context, I had very pleasant pregnancies. I craved a freaking Caesar salad. Like, thank you guys. Like I was in that mirror like vibe out. Like, you know, I I'm not gonna lie, I do love Subway, Judge, if you want to. Don't feel me. That's my meaning. But like, yeah, I like the I like all that. But I literally I was craving Caesar salad. Like I had very pleasant pregnancies, no morning sickness, never threw up. I was traveling. I don't need liquor to have a good time. I mean, I had great pregnancies, traumatic births, which I wasn't prepared for. But even after I had kids, I don't know. I just never I remember having very hard days. I remember days where maybe I felt like I was out of it or like I was zoned in. I do recall sitting in my closet a couple times, just like trying to process. But I can't really say I was ever I had like true postpartum depression. I think I was just working through getting normal. Because I know people that did have it.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_02And I truly, oh my gosh, bless their hearts. But I I genuinely feel like I um mentally, I feel like I bounced back pretty quick. Personally, that's why I went quick. I don't know if you have a difference.
SPEAKER_05Um, I think mine's if I had it, it was just I well, let me say this. So to kind of piggy piggyback off the um you know, being I initially was an entrepreneur, I was an aesthetician, makeup artist. I worked all the way up in my pregnancy till I was like eight months. Um doing weddings, all those, all those things, all all the good things in in regards to being like a business owner and a service provider. Um, but like the postpartum depression, it did kind of creep up a little bit on me because you get a shift in identity change.
SPEAKER_02Yes, that's very true.
SPEAKER_05Once this baddie, this goal getter, this hustler, this baby, I'm outside, I'm in the streets, I'm got a house or whatever, this business blooming, I'm traveling, doing all these things, and then I got pregnant, baby, sit me, sat me down. Like I still was doing, but like once I gave birth, thing everything changed. Um, now don't get me wrong, like I was happy that I was able to pour into my son. Like that was like my number one, he's my number one priority. So, like pouring into him, raising him, caring for him, being his caretaker was like the most important thing to me. But I also had to put my esthetician to the side. I had to put my makeup artistry to the side. And you know, you look in that mirror, you ain't looking the same. And it's just kind of like, who am I? Identity crisis. Like identity crisis, where it's just like I'm not feeling such a being like a you know, the Jessica or the Juicy J or the Jade that I once knew. Juicy J. Nah, I'm Jackson. Which, you know, it um, you know, you never like Anisa was saying, you know, you do yourself a disservice if you don't keep come going after your dreams. But you also have to accept, well, what if my dreams shift? Yeah, what if my purpose is to raise my son to be a good human being, to replace a lot of y'all? Listen, because we know they are hitting the water. You know what I'm saying? What is it's my duty to raise a good man, yeah. Pour into him integrity and honesty and trustworthiness, and also know that your mama a hustler too. Like, yeah, that's what I also want him to see. But I also don't want, you know, him to forget like my mama is soft and she's a woman. But um, yeah, I never dealt with like um too much of like postpartum. It's just more so was like the shift of the Jessica before, then the Jessica after. Trying to figure it out, yeah. And trying to figure out this new norm. Yeah. Um, and then I also like hear stories of like a lot of times the the women that deal with more so postpartum. I don't want to speak for them, but just from what I see, research is is more so like you're if you don't have a supportive partner. And I I didn't deal with that for a time. Like when I for when Jackson was first born, his dad was very much present. Um, the only thing I used to get upset about is that you know, I wanted to go to the store.
SPEAKER_02That's a valid thing to get upset about. After you have kids so valid. So valid. Like I'm trying to put my top down in my car and like ride out to the grocery store for 10 minutes.
SPEAKER_01I'm so here. Yeah. So happy to go to Target by myself. Yeah. Like slow as shit up and down the mile. Yeah. Starbucks, and I'm like, I'm free. Yeah.
SPEAKER_05I'm free to just like worry and concern about Jessica and not somebody else. Now, of course I'm rushing back, like, what my baby doing? Yeah. What he what was going on. But, you know, just to have that freedom just to go to the damn store, like it's it's it's a breath of fresh air from being cooped up in the house for three months, yeah, months, six weeks at a time, whatever. Um, you know, being this source of um this this source to your child, or not source, what I'm saying, like resource or feeding them. Your body is feeding them, you're feeding them, you're caring for them, their livelihood, you know, just to have that break. That's the only time I used to feel away, is like you get to go to the store and you getting up and leaving and going places, and I'm here stuck in this house.
SPEAKER_02Or a lot of women can relate to the envy creeping in. Post-product depression is extremely common. And if you're experiencing it, I would say go get the help and try to find your voice to be vocal because it's not something that you can control. So I'm I'm um humble and grateful enough that I did not, but I'm very self-aware enough to know that it has to be extremely hard. Yeah. But I would also think that a lot of women can relate to the envy that creeps in, like those self-stories that you make up about, oh, well, you know, he's doing this, or you know, right. The envy is like a thing you gotta be hyper aware of for sure.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, you know, when you mentioned about like the envy or even your example at the store, my mom used to always say, Boo, when you have keys, you can't just get up and go to the store like you want to. And I never really understood what that meant in the moment. I don't know, you guys. I don't know.
SPEAKER_02I have a different perspective on that. I guess, yes and no, yes and no.
SPEAKER_00I guess it just depends on like the upbringing partner and the partner.
SPEAKER_05You're a single mom. No, you just can't get up and go to the store. No, not when you know, not in your situation. When you have a husband or a partner, then yes, you can just be like, all right, I'll be right back. I'm going to the store.
SPEAKER_02Um, no, I can't. See, that's the difference is that women guilt themselves so bad, and you feel like you have to be there 24-7 every second, they all the time that you don't give yourself permission to just do what a man typically does, which is, hey, I'm going to Lowe's, hey, I'm going to the gym. Hey, I'm going to do this, or hey, I'm going to do that, because they don't have that chemical, as they love their kids deeply. My husband loves our boys, and my boys love them. But it's just something about the chemical connection, the emotional connection of carrying your, it's just the way your brain works as a mom is very different. And so I do believe in assumed constraints. I believe we tell ourselves that things are not possible more than we say that they are possible. And then you start to make up these stories in your head and you start to believe them things that, man, if I tell him I'm gonna go to the store, he's gonna say, Well, why do you got to go to the store? Or let me go for you. And he's not gonna understand why 10 minutes to myself means the world to me. And it's like, well, did he ever say that? And don't get me wrong, there are men. I'm I know there's married women that feel like they're single women in the marriage. Leave them. I don't know. That's my benefactor. If you can't set yourself up to get out of there, what is he around for? But if you have a supportive partner and a good man who maybe just doesn't understand all the way, did he ever tell you that you couldn't? And you got free will, tell the motherfucker you're going to the damn store. The guilt's gonna go away in about two minutes. So I think we have conditioned women to believe that you can't go do those things, but that's an assumed constraint. You can do whatever the fuck you want to do. You're gonna feel might feel bad about it, but you can go to the damn store. And again, once you do it, then it becomes the norm. I don't ask my husband for permission to go to the gym. I used to. I used to ask Sean, hey, are you gonna be going to the gym right now? He never asked me. So then in my head one day, I said, Why am I asking him if I can go the fuck? So then I would say, Hey, Sean, I'm going to the gym right now. And I'm going our whole garage is a gym. Then I would say, Hey, I'm going in the garage, or I'm getting in my car and I'm out. I'm driving to the gym. Yeah. Because I want to. So I just I just really think people gotta be very clear on if you have assumed constraints in the storytelling, or are these real conversations and real roadblocks that you're experiencing in motherhood? Those are two very different things.
SPEAKER_00That's really good. And I just love what y'all are doing right now when it comes to like empowering women because even when I was just talking about my mom, I feel like it's very different in today's stage in comparison to how things were 30 and 40 years ago. And I think very assumptions.
SPEAKER_02Our mom's bust her hurts.
unknownOkay.
SPEAKER_01I don't know if I would have made it in my generation. Honestly, there's nothing stronger than us. Shout out to the mom, shout out to y'all. We appreciate Brittany's mom, shout out to her mom.
SPEAKER_05Y'all was really the strong man. Yeah, my mama even discussed it. Like, we've had a conversation about getting up, going to the store, or going to the gym. And she was like, girl, yeah, your daddy just was like, them your kids. Like, that's the kind of mindset that you had. Like, I'm babysitting. Like, no, you're not babysitting. You're getting your son, you're getting your child, you're getting your your kids. And I think at and and also being in a co-parenting relationship, that comes about a lot as well. Where when you're the primary parent, you tend to take on the most, but like that person or the other parent get to kind of pop in when they want to, they don't have the same constraints, yeah, where they can just get up and go to the gym. For me, I gotta be like, I gotta ask my mom, hey, can you watch Jackson while I go to the gym or pay for child care at the gym? Like for me to just work out and just pour into myself or me to go take a run. Like, I gotta take Jackson with me. He in the in the the um stroller with me. So, or go to the store. Yeah, like going to the store, you know, hey, if I gotta bring him cool, but uh I might forget something because I'm dealing with uh putting you in the car, taking all the little car, looking, looking around, yeah, watching my surroundings, you having a meltdown, you know what I'm saying? Instead of you just zoop, zoop, zoop, get in, get out. Now I gotta it's a whole event when I gotta cook. That's a great word.
SPEAKER_02Bless your heart, Gustave by the way. You're one of the strongest women I know. Like teaching what you're doing, like co-parenting, but pretty much being the default parent and like handling everything. You definitely deserve your flowers, and always a good attitude, too.
SPEAKER_00Like your heart is just there. So that's one thing I always feel with your energy. So, girl, keep it up, just know you're doing great.
SPEAKER_01Thank you. Thank y'all. What did they just say? Clock it. I think it's failed to make the sound and change, but whatever she said. We close, we close.
SPEAKER_00It's nice to be seen. Like, I appreciate that. Absolutely. Okay, I want some advice, all right? Just because y'all was diving deep and me being a single woman, no children. Um, y'all talked about a lot when it comes to balancing, right? Especially when you have your career aspirations and then you're um cooking, you're cleaning, you're going to the gym, and then you think about friendships and relationships and trying to pour into those. Like, how do y'all juggle that? Because I be struggling, y'all. I'll be tired. I'm like, I could barely manage this, and then you add in kids. So how do you how do you juggle it?
SPEAKER_02Say no. Say no to stuff that doesn't serve you. Don't feel bad about it. And just and like know that it's gonna be Ebbit Flows. Like, I love to cook. I don't cook every day. The best thing I ever did was buy Sean a Traeger so he can smoke meat and like cook shit. Sean probably cooks more than I do if I'm being transparent. But I do love to cook, and I used to guilt myself about not cooking all the time. And I do love the gym, I'm a gym girly. Um, but I have the most inconsistent, consistent personality. Like I can fall off really hard and then get back on really hard and like go crazy. And I just think I had to recognize about myself like where my strengths are and maybe where my areas of I don't know, opportunity are. And as somebody who's done, you know, learning and development or coaching work, I do agree with the experts when they say you should lean into your strengths and stop trying to fix so much what you're really good at. You should lean into that. Um, and so for me, I just feel like I'm really good at prioritizing, I'm really good at decision making, I'm really good at qualifying what's urgent and important versus one or the other. And if it's not urgent and important, I'm not doing it. Because some things are urgent. It's like that radical monkey that's going off in your head banging shit. That's a distractor to me.
SPEAKER_03Right.
SPEAKER_02And I think that one of the best things you could do for yourself in motherhood is before you become a mother. If you can, and I think you can contest to this, do your self-work. Stop running from what's hard, stop running from your trauma, stop running from what's toxic. And if you're gonna fall down, fall down early so you can get back up. Because I think one of the things that's allowed me um to be able to feel confident and feel like I'm in self-control is I I did the bad, the down phases early. Honestly by force. I wasn't ready for it, but it just hit me really hard. 26, 2017 were really hard years for me. The depression kicked in, the suicide kicked in, not feeling like myself kicked in, not knowing what I was doing. That was early. And I embraced it. And there's a difference between saying, you know, I came out of that, and saying I came out of that knowing what triggers me and why it triggers me, and knowing when I'm good, why I'm good, what is causing it. And I think if you can do the self-work early, because being a mom is so wonky to your brain, if you can pick up on your triggers and you can pick up on your habits and you can pick up when something's not right, you're it's way easier to get yourself back on track than if you're fighting now. Don't fight now, right? Because now I can plan my days. Now I feel kind of I'm enjoying motherhood because I did the hard, the hard stuff.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I did that early. You know, I'm so happy that we're talking about this. I actually just had a conversation with my mom yesterday, and she was saying one of the biggest regrets that she has is that she wasn't able to start healing until her later point in life. Right. She was still dealing with stuff from her own parents and her own trauma as a child, and she's just uncovering it now. And the sad thing is, is back in the day, people weren't talking about mental health and like talking about how you feel. That's why conversations like this is so important because people just mask things and act like you're fine.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, don't do that. Because there'll be plenty of days you feel alone, plenty of days you don't feel like you're in control, yeah, plenty of days you're making shit up in your head, or maybe it really is freaking true, plenty of days your husband your partner's there or not there, or if you're a single mom that you just feel like you're not doing good enough. That stuff doesn't stop. It's if you know yourself well enough on how to deal with it and keep what's important ahead of you and when to reprioritize and and when to shift.
SPEAKER_00That's good.
SPEAKER_05Did you have anything that you want to add to that? Well, yeah, I guess piggyback piggyback off your comment about um or your question about how do you juggle juggle it all, you just figure it out. Um to be honest, you just figure it out. So, like I love to cook, um, but for a long time I wasn't cooking, baby.
SPEAKER_02We was going to Cheddar's Fordash, I pay for that.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, we were going there to eat and then also trying to figure out like how to um like for a long time I felt like me and Jackson, um, when we were, it was just us, um, it was becoming redundant. Like we I get up five o'clock in the morning, get him ready, do the bottles, drop him off at school, then I go to work, be at work, get off, pick him up, sit in traffic for eight hours, give him a bath. Not eight hours, um it felt like eight hours coming from from the city to Katie. Um, give him a bath, give me a bath, feed him. Very routine, like very routine to the point where I was like, damn, like, is this all it's gonna be? And I had to figure out how to like escape or break that pattern. But for a long time, it was starting to get very overwhelming and uh very alone. So um I just started like, well, we're gonna go to the park and we're gonna play and we're gonna do different things instead of it just being the same redundant thing and then get up and do the sh do it all over the next day. Um, so I started just kind of like figuring out, like, okay, I can't cook every day, but we're gonna go to Ched's and have our meals together and let them clean up the mess that you make. Yeah, shout out to Cheddar's, okay.
SPEAKER_03Right, exactly.
SPEAKER_05Um, so I just you just kind of figure out what works, and then the older he got, the more active he became. Yeah, um, I moved closer to to where my mama is now, and she's able to get him and stuff, so I can kind of pour into me. But it does become very redundant when they are uh at a you know that baby stage, six months, twelve months, one-year-old stage. But eventually they they say it gets easier, it just transcends or kind of alters. Like phases. It's phases now. It still has some hard things that you go through triggers, as she was discussing. Um, I do believe, yeah, you do gotta somewhat be um healed or be self-aware. Yeah, a lot of times people want to have kids. Oh, it's cute, I got a baby, it's on Instagram. That baby's gonna trigger. Right. You're gonna think about, oh, my mama did this, my daddy did this to me, and I dealt with this, and I dealt with that. It's going to come about is those your childhood is gonna come up, and you're gonna look and be like, okay, how for me, I would say, how can I not repeat these patterns or this generational thing that was happened to me? How can I do better and be a mom and be able to um uh pour into my child or not be so quick to hit or not be so quick to, you know, we talk about this general parenting thing. So, you know, they're trying to find a balance with that, you know what I'm saying? You don't want so quick to for the, you know, to hit your child or keep repeating those same things that you experienced, but at the same time, don't play with me. I am your mama, but um your mom would talk to me, tell me what's going on. So um, you gotta tap you, yes, you gotta tap in. And I feel like being a mom for some, not all, it it does kind of change your perspective, especially if you know the things that you dealt with with as a child. You don't want to keep repeating those same things over and over again. That part. I start reading, reading books about I'd be skimming them. I start reading books about raising, especially boys. It's I mean, I I'm a boy mom, so especially boys. I start reading books about that. I start listening to podcasts or doing research or trying to figure out the best way of how I can raise him. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Okay, girl, even what you were just mentioning about being a boy mom, just to stay there. You we black. Okay, yes, so how is it raising a black son in today's world?
SPEAKER_05Difficult. I mean, yeah, difficult. You think about, well, Jackson is still young, he's still two, he'll be three, but you think about the adultification of how they see uh black children. Um, the same energy that y'all give y'all black girls in regards to protecting them and don't do this and don't wear this, and don't I'm gonna be the same way when it comes to my son. I don't let my child go to everybody's house. Yeah, I don't let my child go to everybody's house. If I feel any type of Intuition or something that's not going on, or a discernment where I don't feel comfortable, my baby not going over there. Like I'm really tapped in when it comes to protecting my child, my son. And I I I also feel like um a lot of things they say, oh, it's okay for a boy to do, but not a girl. No, no, no. It's the same thing, it should be the same level of protection of a process. I think about when people gonna, they see my son's skin color before they know him as a child. Like I I think about it when he goes out to the world, like, is my baby gonna be okay?
SPEAKER_02Yeah, straight, yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00No, no, I I definitely get that. And I appreciate you being open there. And I know we've had conversations, even like from a workplace standpoint, and like certain biases that are out there, but even if we think about people stereotyping women because of our hair, you know, or just the silliest things. But if you think about it from a man's standpoint, look at Trayvon Martin, right? And the things that happened to him years ago, just based on the color of his skin and people making assumptions on who he is before he even opened his mouth, yeah, before he even took the the steps out there to even like communicate who he is, you know what I'm saying? So it's like I feel like as a mom, and my mom always communicates this the fears that you just naturally have because it's scary. It's like, is your child gonna come home or is there gonna be some mess that's happened to them because of the colour skin?
SPEAKER_05And then the constant battle of like, you know, I don't want my child to be, I don't want to say soft, but I don't want you to just be like bowing down to just somebody because they a different color than you. Yeah, like I want you to know that you're a black man, you're a great man, you're a king. But at the same time, I want you to make it home. I want you to try to learn these, you know, keep your head on the swivel, but at the same time be cordial. But it's like if you're cordial and nice, they still might take you the wrong way. Yeah, you know what I'm saying? Like, like it's so many different things. So uh two levels to it or trying to raise and be and everything to this one person, but it it's hard. It's like you can't get it.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_02No, that's well said. I um I think you hit the nail on the head. I I this is where like my like protector plus enabling, or like my protecting, like giving you the tools like comes in play for me. Um where do I want to start? I think it's because I I work very hard to give my kids the tools on like safety, how to communicate, how to love themselves. Uh, I think the two biggest things that I want to give my kids that can hopefully help them navigate life and the challenges is curiosity. I think curiosity is such an underdeveloped skill. I really do. And by that I mean the ability to ask questions and be present and slow down and understand and think, like process. Because most of the time in life, emotion takes over, the angst takes over, the adrenaline takes over. And I think if you're somebody that could think and process and be aware, you can understand how you feel, but how you react to things, I think is such a big thing in society. And so if I can teach my kids hopefully how to be curious and be aware and be present, that that could serve them well in life. And then the second thing I think is to be challengers and to challenge themselves and to challenge what they're around so that way they can pick up on gaps, um, you know, and disparities and um mistreatment, and when somebody's not being true to them or they're in a situation they shouldn't be in, can they challenge themselves or that thing or that experience to be able to navigate it? I think curiosity and being able to challenge goes hand in hand, and especially in your career, yeah. Um, and then there's the the reality that you can't protect them from everything, you literally cannot. Um, and so I just try to stay very awake with my kids. Like, for example, um, the Summer Olympics was what, 2025 at this point, 2024, whatever.
SPEAKER_03The last Summer Olympics.
SPEAKER_02Um, the gymnast session was on the gymnastics, the men's gymnastics, and I could tell how in tune my son was with the gymnastics. And oh god, I wish I remember his name. Um, young black kid was killing it during the Summer Olympics. Um, young man, I can't remember his name, but I think he was doing the maybe his floor routine or the beam or something, and my son was like imitating what he was doing, and then at one point he said, Oh, look, his hair looks like mine. And I was like, Okay, be present and teach him that you can do anything you want to do. Like, he looks like you just like that access piece, that reality piece, and that self-love piece. And so I don't know, it's a journey, it's it's it's really hard. The level of fear I have of them going into the world is through the roof. It is because in my head, send me to let me find out something happened to my kids. You already know how I get now. Well, you already know. I will be there, and I'm a curious person. We can ask the questions, and you know, I want to understand, but not my kids. But I can't be there every step of the way. And so I think the best thing I could do for my kids who are growing up as young black men is to give them the tools to navigate life themselves, pray over them, be very close to God, and have faith that they're meant to live a fulfilling and fruitful life, and it's not going to be easy. The biggest thing for me is safety. I want my kids to be able to come to me no matter what.
SPEAKER_03Yes.
SPEAKER_02If there's a consequence that needs to come with it, we'll talk about that later. But you better come to me no matter what. A lot of young black men get sexually assaulted all the time. And they never talk about it, a lot they never talk about it because we beat young men down about oh, you gotta be wrong. Don't cry, don't get it. No. I apologize to my kids all the time. Yes, I'm not some type of like goddess to them. I can do wrong. And every day that I pick up my sons from daycare, I say, What was the most fun thing about your day? What did you love about your day? And what do you wish would have gone different? And then I always follow up with, was anybody mean to you? Why do you feel that way? And how did your teachers treat you today? Because I want them to be able to start to communicate with me and it feels normal. And I will always believe my kids. Yeah, always. I'd rather look stupid believing them than not, because what they're gonna face is very different than what other people are gonna face. And they can be soft in my home all they want.
SPEAKER_00But this is your safety, this is your safeness, girl. That's so powerful because in today's world, you know, people make fun of you, you're quote unquote soft. But it's like, I don't care if you're a woman or a man, you should be able to express yourself and you should be able to communicate. So the fact that y'all are instilling that in y'all sons, like at such an early age, think about how they're gonna treat these little girls out here. Oh, right, that part, yeah. In general, no, you're like down the road, but even when it comes to safety though, and emotional awareness, that's just so important. So I commend y'all.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00I just have one thing that I actually want y'all to do as we had this little segment as y'all were talking about y'all's sons. I want you to look in the camera for a moment, okay? Uh oh. Because your sons are young. You know, I'm sure they might see this, but as they get older and as they watch it down the years, I want to have a special moment for y'all just pouring into your sons, right? What they're capable of, who you see them to be, what you think they're gonna grow up and accomplish. So I want you to just take a moment, just look in the camera as if you're speaking to your children.
SPEAKER_05Go ahead, Anisa.
SPEAKER_00Why could you care?
SPEAKER_02Um, I used to say these two things uh when I used to run trainings, and I actually got them from my father. Mind you, I'm very close to my dad. Like, you can't tell me nothing about my dad. My dad has faults, but like my dad's the man, like in my eyes for sure. And I just remember growing up, I was an athlete, soccer, basketball, the whole thing, don't don't look me up. I've played back in the day when stats aren't out there like that. But I was an animal for sure. Um, but there was always two things that he would say to me. One was be a leader, not a follower. And the second thing was never miss your free throws, they're free. And I want to pass those things down to my kid because I remember being in college and I called my somebody asked me what my dad meant by that. And I said, you know what? I I never really asked him. And um I remember calling my dad one day and asking him, what every time, every day he said that to me. Why are you saying that to me? And the message behind the be a leader was a of not a follower was very simple that do the hard thing even when nobody's looking. Right? Work on yourself even when nobody's looking. Don't not touch line in a suicide because nobody's looking, you think you can get away with it, right? You have to have such a high level of self-respect for yourself that you do what's hard, right? No matter what, even when nobody's looking. And I think to my boys, if you do that, there's nothing that you can't overcome because life is about you putting in the work to live a life of joy and fulfillment and happiness. So you do what you need to do even when nobody's looking. That's number one. Two is never miss the free throws, they're free. And what he meant by that is to my kids, my kids are very um passionate and very self-aware, and I see that in y'all. And Levi literally goes to bed with his baseball glove and he wakes up with his baseball glove and he got his bat and he's ready an hour early for his game. And Braxton is very determined, and they're already putting the hard work in, they don't know it yet. And as long as you remember all the reps that you put in, when it comes time to deliver, you ain't gonna miss because you already knew what you did. And so I think that's what builds your confidence and your stability is I've already been trying at this, I've already been doing this. Um, and so I say all that to say if you put those two things together, all I want my kids to do, boys, is live whatever life they want to live and feel happy and feel proud, whatever that means to y'all as my kids. Everything else just doesn't matter to me. Just be happy. Wow, that'll be my message.
SPEAKER_00Girl. Thank you for sharing. I felt that Miss Jessica.
SPEAKER_05Baby Jacks. Baby Jacks. Um with Jackson every day. I make sure I instill um words of affirmation to him. You are kind, you are loved, um, you are special, you are handsome. Um, I think a lot of times, you know, they say men don't are their confidence is not there or whatever, but as a human, I want him to just be a good person. Um not just because you're a man or not because you just a you know son or I'm your mama, but I want you to be a good person, a person of integrity, and also hustle. Like your mama from New Orleans, baby. Like, you know, I poured that into him because I feel like I have defeated the eyes or gone against like the statistics, you know what I'm saying? Like coming from New Orleans and and going through Hurricane Katrina and going to high school and graduating and continue on uh to college and getting my degree and being a business owner, homeowner. Like I want all of those things for him, but the most I want you to be a good person and love yourself, son. Like, I think that's the biggest thing, and also doing the work, you know. I want you to be the best person, the best version of yourself, um, not just for mommy, not for daddy, but for you um, for yourself. And I think that's the most important thing. And then also things might seem tough, you know, things gonna get hard get hard, but as long as you keep pushing, it's nothing, nothing that you can that you can't achieve. It's nothing you can't do, it's nothing that if you don't set your mind to a son, you can do any and everything that you want to do, baby. Anything, and you are like everything to me. Everything, yes, yeah.
SPEAKER_00Wow, that you're making me tear up over here. I'm just very surprised.
SPEAKER_03I'm like, oh, I knew it was coming at some point.
SPEAKER_00Gosh, now that you know, that just really means a lot to me too, because they'll always be able to look back at this and remember these words directly from their mothers. So it's really impactful. And one thing that I'm really big on is y'all know I'm always like very optimistic and I always love encouraging other people. So I got y'all some flowers because I think it's y'all probably thought it was decor. I thought it was decor. You know, it's a little something intentional, but no, I think it's always important to give women their flowers and just to know y'all both personally and some of the things that you both have overcome and like how you continue to show up in this world and just be a bright light. Like, I just really respect it and I respect y'all. And for y'all to even do this episode with me, like what they don't know. I don't know if y'all remember, but we had a Christmas party in 2024, and I was telling y'all, I was like, I'm gonna start a podcast. And here we are. So, for y'all to be closing season two with me, yeah, talking about something like this, like I just respect it, and I just thank y'all so much.
SPEAKER_02You're amazing.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, thank you for having us. Absolutely, absolutely, absolutely. So, y'all, I just want to say thank you so much for listening to this episode. Like I said, I just can't believe that season two is coming to an end. I really hope that this season touched you somehow, somehow. I know I mentioned that the theme overall was about healing, growing, evolving. And just specifically today, as we talked about radiant mothers, for anyone listening in general, just know that you're capable of anything that you set your mind to, that you can do it and just keep pushing through wherever hits you in life. So that's it. Until next time for season three. See you later. Bye.