My Man, My Man, My Man?

You knew. Long before the betrayal. Long before the chaos. Long before the last chance you gave him. You knew.

But instead of trusting your inner voice, you turned to outside rules. What your mama would say. What the church would think. What your friends would think. And just like that, you overrode your own Authority.

This episode is about the cost of that silence. About what happens when you hear the truth in your body, but still stay, hoping someone else’s opinion will feel safer than your knowing.

Through the lens of Human Design Authority, we unpack how we have been taught to distrust our own decisions, and how to come back to the voice that always knew.

Because leaving is not just a decision. It is a return.

In this episode:

• Why so many women override their Authority in relationships
• How cultural and religious conditioning teaches us to distrust our body’s truth
• What Human Design Authority actually is and how it speaks
• Why knowing is often quiet but always right
• How to start rebuilding trust in your Authority today

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Transcript

Hey, this is Dr. Naieema. Welcome back to the house of Tah. And you already know. But I got to reiterate it every time. This is not what we doformative healing. This is not what we pretend about trusting yourself as easy. Today, we are going all the way into what it costs when you stop trusting your knowing. To this episode.. It's called My Man, My Man, My Man? And if you know, you know. You knew. Long before the betrayal, long before the chaos. Long before the last chance you gave him. And if you date her, them, et cetera, you knew. But instead of trusting that knowing, you started looking outside of yourself. What would people say? What would a church think? What would my mama think? Dag, this is my What would my girls say? And that is where we as women betray ourselves. Now, let me go ahead and tell on myself. Because I knocked a na. I've lived this. Some of y'all know, because I've talked about this, you know, on my social media platforms. There was a time when my Instagram handle was his wife 2010. That was the whole handle. His wife, 2010. Why? Because we got married in 2010? In meantime, he was cheating on me repeatedly. We had our baby in September 2010. Find out that during my 56 hour labor, he was cheating. His friend passed away shortly after that. He went to the funeral while at the funeral. He's texting other women. And every year from that point on, he cheated. But I still created the Instagram handle. His wife, 2010, because I at least I can keep a man. Yay! So be careful about, all, couples goals. Nobody's couples. No one's couples goals to me. Because I don't know what you're really going through. Because if you've seen me and my ex-husband, I mean, we were together all the time. We were vacationing. We had a 4,000 square foot house. Our kids were well put together. But you know what, we went together all the time? Because I was scared that he would cheat. I'm a fucking 5'2 in human design profile. I'm a 2. I want the time alone, but no, no, no. I had to watch him, but I didn't stop him from cheating. Even before we got married, in December of 2009, I broke up with him. Because he was a cheater and I knew it. I knew it. But we got back together because it was December 2009 that we broke up. December 31st, he came to my house begging me to go to this New Year's party with him. I was like, okay, I could do that. I was young, right? I was like, oh, whatever. of course, we get home, we fuck, and then I get pregnant. And I was like, I am not going to be a single mother again. I have one daughter. I was like, I'm not going to do it again. I cared so much about that. And society's expectations. Why don't look like being a pregnant single? It's all the things are going through my mind. So I stayed in this marriage where he constantly cheated on me. And I awarded him by making my Instagram handle his wife's 2010. So he repeatedly cheated on me and I knew it. My body knew. The stomach nods. The random tears. The moments when I could not even look him in the eyes without feeling sick. The moments that I let this man fuck me when I knew his penis was in other women. The moment I kept going to the doctor to get tested because I knew who he was, but I still didn't leave, because again, publicly, I'm his wife, 2010, my man, my man, my man. When instead of listening to that knowing, I tried to perform the role. Because on paper, I had done everything right. Married, I was his wife, we got this beautiful family, beautiful home, two cars, picket fence. Christian family respectable. And I thought, if I can just play the role better, the truth would somehow change. Meanwhile, I was betraying myself every single day I stayed. Because my man, my man, my man, right? So maybe that's not your story. Maybe it's not cheating. Maybe it's the married single mother. Maybe all he does is provide a two peas. penis and provided, and he thinks he he did everything he needed to do. Maybe he's a narcissist who films you and your children and you are just accepting that shit. Maybe he's a pastor who solicited a prostitute. Yeah, Only scenarios I'm giving you are people I know. So just know that, okay? Maybe he's a chief financial officer who locked you in a room and the only way you can get out is by slapping the shit out of him so you broke your hand. Again, everything I just said are because of people I know. So here's where human design changed the game for me. Your authority is not the voice of your mind. It's not your logic. It's not you rationalizing. It's how truth moves through your body. But we're taught to override that. For me, I was overriding every signal my body gave me. Because nobody taught me that my inner authority was valid. My body was like, leave! And too many of us are out here doing the same thing. Whether you're splenic like me, whether no one comes fast, in the moment, like a whisper, it doesn't force you or you're an emotional authority where clarity comes after riding your emotional wave. Or maybe you're sacral, where your gut tells you the truth right now. And for some reason, you've been taught not to listen to that. Oh, don't worry. The other authorities, too, I'm going to talk about those in a second. But I want you to know your body is extremely intelligent, but your mind is full of conditioning. And the more you let your mind rule you, and stay with that man, my man, my man, who fucks you over, the more you realize why the statistics about black women in Hispanic women, Latinas as well, having high rates of new HIV cases is because about fucking men. And because you not trusting in knowing who he is and you as a woman saying to other women, you can't keep a man. Have you had a man? Why would I want to keep him? Now let's get back into the other authorities. Now, there's self projected where truth comes out when you speak it out loud. There's ego authority where truth comes from will and desire when it is right for you. There's mental projected, where the environment itself tells you if it's right. You were built to trust your way of knowing. But when you were performing wife or mother a good Christian woman or strong woman, you start outsourcing that knowing because who gave you the definition of what it means to be a good wife? A good mother. Who gave you the definition? And for many of us, yes, that was tied to religion. to the image of the perfect wife. To standing by your man who is your covering, to be in the proverbs, there be one woman. Now, we're going to get all the way into that the next episode. So I want you to stay close. I mean, the whole episode is about the proverb 31 woman and how to fucking us up. But today is about, you didn't need another sign. You didn't need more proof. You needed to stop outsourcing your knowing. Because leaving is not just a decision. It's a return. And understanding your authority, how your body makes the decisions, how your body, how intelligent your body is, is the key. And this is the kind of work we do in the House of Ta. This is the kind of work we do with you. So I hope you've joined the wait list for our program that's coming at the end of the summer. So what do you do when you realize you have been overriding your authority and staying in this relationship or in any situation that doesn't work for you. First, I want you to get clear on what your authority actually is. Stop asking advice that was never built for your body. and taking it. Oh, yeah, you know, back in the day, women stayed in marriages for 44 years. Yeah, 'cause that motherfuckers couldn't open up a bank account, buy a house or anything without them sorry ass men. It's a new day? Oh, oh, women, if you don't keep your man, you're going to be lonely. Men are lonely now. There's a whole ass loneliness epidemic. They lonely now. And I haven't found one woman that's lonely. And I'm telling you this as a registered nurse that I've yet to see a woman die alone, whether her church family's coming up, whether her friends are coming up as she goes. But I've seen countless men die by themselves. So I stopped letting society make you feel like as a woman. You can't choose what's right for you. And your authority, when you really get connected to it and understand what it looks like and what it feels like in your body helps you to do just that. So get real clear on what your authority actually is. Secondly, pay attention to your knowing and how your knowing speaks. Is it immediate? Is it in a wave? Is it in a dream? Is it in your gut? Is it are you audient? You're you know a voice in your ear? Is it how you, how your will aligns? Is it how you feel in an environment? Is it your voice when you speak? What does it feel like for you? And thirdly, start small. Do not wait for the big decision. Start rebuilding trust with the small ones. so that you know you can begin to honor your body when you just start with the small ones. Do I want to watch this show? Do I want to go to that event? Am I ready to go to the supermarket now? Do I want the orange juice out the water? Start with the small things. Because when I started to do all these things, I started all this journey of human is on in 2018, and that's also the time about the time when I was about to leave my husband. No, was it 2018? It's about that time. Don't quote me on the exact dates. I'm neurodivergent, so my dates be fucked up. And it took me three full years, to really start to untrust my spleen and in 2021, I'm happy to say that I got the divorce. And I made it so easy for him. I was like, we could take half everything, half a custody, half of the house, half of everything we saved together. I don't want no more than that. There was no fight. I filed for a divorce. I want to say end of October 2021, by December 20 December 6th, I was divorced after 13 years. So give yourself grace. And fourth, I want you to stop asking for permission to trust yourself. Stop asking for, what would a society? What would they say? What would they do? You never needed permission. if you think you need it. Okay, I gave you permission. And this is the type of work. I mean, by the time, if you enter the house of T, by the time you leave, you want to understand how to live by your design and unapologetic way. So the doors for the unapologetic the House of Todds program that helps you to unapologetically be yourself will be open very soon. in the summer. Join the wait list. You' you're here about it first before anyone else. But if you want to deep dive now and you want to understand your human design a little bit more, we have many courses. If you want to work through a situation, you're going through, maybe you want to find your purpose. Maybe there's some money issues. I want you to work with me one-on-one and we just meet and we, we map it out using your design, not some generic as pre-recorded, you know, information that everybody's supposed to just, you know, latch onto. But I want you to remember this. Your body spoke first. It always does. Now it's your time to honor what it said. Because once I did, I left that motherfucker. Maybe it's boundaries, maybe it's something else for you. And if this episode spoke to you, I want you to stay close. There's more to come. Next week, we are going all the way in on how the Proverbs 31 woman scripture has women out here tired, bitter and disconnected from their own truth. I'm Dr. Naieema, and I'm hit of Remind You, your homecoming isn't out there. It's your rhythm. It's your clarity. Your return.