Used & Confused: When Besties Expect Your Talent Instead of Your Time

Episode Title: Used & Confused: When Besties Expect Your Talent Instead of Your Time 

Description:
You get the invite—but it’s not to relax, it’s to help. In this episode of Slightly Unsupervised, Jennifer and Jackie dive into one of the most relatable friendship gray areas: being valued for your talent instead of your presence. 

Whether you’re the photographer who gets asked to “just bring your camera,” the baker who’s always volunteered for dessert, or the friend who somehow ends up planning every group trip—this one’s for you. Because there’s a big difference between giving freely and being expected to give. 

Inspired by a listener whose best friend “invited” her to be the wedding photographer—without pay or a chance to party—Jennifer and Jackie unpack what it feels like to be used, how to set boundaries without guilt, and why saying “no” isn’t selfish, it’s self-respect. 

In This Episode:
📸 When “Can you bring your camera?” turns into a full-time job [02:00]
🍰 The baker, the planner, the helper — and the burnout [04:00]
💄 Hairdressers, florists, and all the unpaid “friend labor” [07:20]
🙅‍♀️ The power of saying no (without losing the friendship) [08:30]
💔 When you realize your talent is valued more than your presence [13:30]
💡 How to handle it with grace—and protect your peace [18:00]
💖 Why true friends value your company, not your contributions [25:00] 

🎙️ Bonus Segment: Rapid-Fire Bestie Questions — “Who’s More Likely to Get Roped Into Working a Party?”
🎶 Closing Song: Definition of a Best Friend by Brooke August & Hannah Rose
▶️ Follow Brooke on YouTube: @brookeaugust
 

👉 Subscribe to Slightly Unsupervised on Apple Podcasts, leave a 5-star review, and share this with the friend who deserves to just show up and enjoy the party. 

#SlightlyUnsupervised #Bestiemony #FriendshipPodcast #UsedAndConfused #FriendshipBoundaries #BestiesAndBurnout #FriendshipMatters #WomenSupportingWomen #UnfilteredFriendship #ChooseYourPeople #BestFriendEnergy #HealingThroughHumor #RideOrDie #SupportiveFriendships #RespectYourTime 

Chickology Podcasts
Bold podcasts by women, for women. Real talk. Real growth.

Bestiemony®
Honor your forever friendship with a Bestiemony®.

Rhinestone Wedding Chapel
Weddings, Elvis, & Bestiemony® ceremonies—only in Nashville at Rhinestone Chapel.

Disclaimer: This post contains affiliate links. If you make a purchase, I may receive a commission at no extra cost to you.

This episode of Slightly Unsupervised was brought to you by the creators of Bestiemony®—the original friendship ceremony that proves soulmates don’t always come with a marriage license. Hosted by Jennifer and Jackie: best friends, business partners, and co-founders of the movement celebrating real, ride-or-die love.

💍 Book a Bestiemony: rhinestoneweddingchapel.com/bestiemony
📱 Follow us on Instagram at @Bestiemonies
📩 Got a bestie story to share or a subject request? Email us at ChickologyPodcasts@gmail.com

Transcript

Jennifer 0:00

Hey there, I'm Jennifer, and I'm Jackie, and welcome to Slightly Unsupervised, for best friends, business partners, and the chaos behind bestimony, a ceremony we created to celebrate the kindest soulmates who don't come with a marriage license.

Jackie 0:11

This podcast is all about that friendship energy, the deep stuff, the messy stuff, and the laugh to you snort stuff. So whether you're driving, folding laundry, you're hiding in your car if it's in peace and quiet, you're in good company. Let's get slightly unsupervised. All right, today's episode. You get the invite, but it's not to attend, it's to contribute again. In this episode of Slightly Unsupervised, Jennifer and me are going to unpack what it feels like to be used for your talent instead of included for your presence. Whether you're the photographer, the baker, the planner, the organizer, or just the one who always holds everyone else together, you've probably been there because there's a difference between giving freely and being expected to give. And it hits different when you realize you were never actually invited to relax and enjoy the event, but to help.

Jennifer 0:54

Yeah, but to help. So this is uh another one we got somebody to write in that talks about how they have been invited to attend their best friend's wedding. And of course, this person's a photographer, and her best friend says, Yeah, uh, and we'd love for you to bring your camera. And so thinking maybe it was just for maybe taking photos occasionally, they would have their camera maybe like in the bridal suite or something, and then realize that basically what she was expected to do was be the photographer and that it wasn't being a guest anymore. She was basically on staff, so she didn't get to drink, she didn't get to run around and do the thing she wanted to do or dance or whatever. She was working and, you know, there to serve. And it's it's it's great to be talented. And and I see this a lot at my chapel. A lot of people do this, like, hey, can you bring your camera? And then pretty soon it feels like what you're really doing is just taking photos and you're becoming the photographer. I mean, they invite you to to eat with them or to hang out with them or whatever, but it's kind of secondary. Your main job is to be the photographer. And I see a lot of people that come with their front cameras and they're they're not, they're little, I don't know if they're perturbed, but they you definitely get the the feeling after a while that they just feel like they got used to come with their cameras and that they really weren't there to enjoy the experience. And I know that especially if you have a talented friend that does this thing that's so well and does it so good that you could really see how people take that for granted. Um I know Jackie, you're a photographer.

Jackie 2:29

Yeah, photographer. Yep. That's happened to me quite a few times. Especially with family. Especially family and friends. It's a little tough to be family's more. Yeah. They just automatically expect it. You have your camera, right? Right. So I've actually backed off of that if as you've noticed in a lot of years. So I don't take my camera everywhere anymore.

Jennifer 2:53

I can get that because it happens a lot at my chapel that people that are like, oh, you have a camera, can you come and just take the pictures? And let me just be this real honest about this. And you know this about photography too, especially like wedding photography, is that you're not just like taking some pictures. You are taking some like experiences of a day that these people want to remember in a certain way. And photography in weddings is a lot different than just shooting a couple shots at your birthday party, that you're just like, it's stressful. It's stressful for photographers, it's stressful for anybody even taking the photos to get that day right and to get those pictures right. No, if you're not a regular lot of photographers that come at my place aren't even wedding photographers, so they're not set up to do weddings. They they know how to do like family photos or they know how to do group shots, you know, like they're they're family photographers, so they just take pictures of groups of families and stuff. It's different. Wedding photography is different than that. So I know that not only are you asking somebody to do something that they know how to do, they have the equipment to do, but they don't really know how to do wedding photography. Wedding photography is different, don't you agree?

Jackie 3:58

Right. I agree. I also uh can understand like people that are that bake that get um used and abused that way too. Yeah, because we have a a neighbor that I feel like she everybody, you know, wants her because she does, I mean, she does things you wouldn't even believe cakes or cupcakes or cookies, but I think that a lot of the time she gets invited that they're hoping that that's what she's gonna do. Like, oh, your dessert automatically. Right. And she even says sometimes because I I made I made banana bread for everybody one time and I said, Well, I didn't make you one because you're always, you know, doing that stuff, so I didn't think you'd want. She's like, No, I like people to bake for me. Right.

Jennifer 4:32

She's always you'd be like, Oh, I'm not gonna bother you with my my baking this time because you probably get sick of eating that stuff. And I'm like, No, let me have a piece of let me have something that somebody else made for once in a while and enjoy that part of it. Yeah. I see that too with uh actually in the wedding world, I see that a lot too with uh um planners, people that maybe have some experience in weddings and pretty soon they're made in charge. And and I think they like it. I think people like to feel like they have power over the situation, so they run with it, but then they're you know, they're not really enjoying it. I'm having a lot of conversations about with them about well, what about this? Well, what about that? Because all these issues come up on on weddings as well. And it's like now they're not they're not actually helping the bride get dressed, they're in the mix of like, well, what do you want to do with this? And what do you want to do with that? Because now you become the planner and you want to take over, which is fine. I don't really care, but you have to now fix all these problems. All these things that come up are now your responsibility. So you can see how that could be a problem too. You're not a longer enjoying the ceremony, you're now the planner, and you have to solve all the problems. Like that's your job.

Jackie 5:40

Have you?

Jennifer 5:41

It's like I just wanted to come and enjoy myself and have a glass of champagne and I know you could see how this could be a real strain on a friendship that you know this would be something that's sometimes like I've organized, because I, you know, I'm always the organized one.

Jackie 5:54

So I organized a weekend with a bunch of friends one time and it was supposed to be other people helping, and it ended up being just me. And then I sort of then they start putting their input in, and it's like, wow, you know what? This is wrong. Like, okay, you wouldn't give an input this whole time. You made me do everything, right? And it was supposed to be a joint effort, and yeah, I'm doing it, but then you're adding more to it and doing this at the day of, or you know, right. And I mean, that's not right either.

Jennifer 6:20

That's true. If somebody puts you in charge of something and you're in charge of it, and then you make all the plans, and then all of a sudden somebody who's supposed to be a co-planner with you decides to only get involved the day of and try to change all the plans.

Jackie 6:31

That's kind of uh And they're having fun and being able to get drunk, but I couldn't because I had to make sure even their plans that they put in there was taken care of. So yeah.

Jennifer 6:40

I think that's true that you should to definitely when you're thinking about that, girls, when you're having stuff going on in your world, asking these people to do it, they probably will do it because nobody likes to make anybody feel bad, but there's probably got to be a hint of sort of discord in them because they are having to work instead of enjoying it. And also it takes away from them enjoying the time with you. When you're on staff, there's a difference between the way you interact with people than when you're just with friends with somebody. So be like, no, get this angle, get them. You know, there's a lot of girls that want a certain angle, and you can't get it on off camera, they'll be upset about it. And it's like, I'm not really your photographer, you would have to hire that out. So I'll do my best, right? But you know, exactly not something that you can do it. So I do get this a lot of I get this person's frustration because I do see this a lot. And um, you know, I think this happens a lot to hairdressers too, and makeup artists. Like, I think you could get stuck in this like world of having to be their personal hairdresser and to do everybody's hair and everybody's makeup. Yeah. And if you're not being paid for it and you're part of the staff, that's that's kind of a crappy place to be too, right? I'd be pretty pissed off if I was a hairdresser.

Jackie 7:54

I'm part of see, I'm I'm the wrong person to ask on this, or this would be more towards you because you know me. I just give in and do it. I just do it all.

Jennifer 8:02

I know.

Jackie 8:03

If I'm asked. So yes, I'll end up bringing the camera, I'll end up doing, you know, helping set up, I'll help with everything else because I have a problem with saying no, which I'm trying to learn not to. But let me ask you this when you don't say baby steps, baby steps.

Jennifer 8:17

I'd say when you don't say no, let's just say you do it. Is there ever in your mind thinking as you're doing it, this like frustration in your mind, like I don't, I'm not enjoying any of this because now I am just part of the health. Like, do you feel that way?

Jackie 8:32

Oh, definitely. Definitely. But are you?

Jennifer 8:35

I feel used and abused. You do.

Jackie 8:37

No stress. I just get like the anxiety, but the people closer to me can notice, but others don't. I'm good at hiding it till I go home and explode. And my husband gets the explosion.

Jennifer 8:48

I know.

Jackie 8:48

I'm like, or you, you girlfriends, me calling you guys.

Jennifer 8:52

I agree. I need to talk to somebody. I know, but I agree. Like, you know, your talent is your talent. You can't just be, let's just say, uh, you know, I used to do accounting and I was uh very, you know, good at doing business for people and tearing apart financials and making sure business would run well and blah blah blah. And if I had a friend that had a business and that's all I was doing there all the time, I could see how that would be. You know, I'm a talent, my talent is my talent. I'm like sharing my opinions about things, but you have to really hire people to do those, the job. Like it's not it's a overreach to ask your friend to be your accountant on a free basis or be anything on a free basis.

Jackie 9:27

Like, do you think that people And I think I've gotten better in this way because I know I'll be used for certain things. So I just automatically like, let's hire someone for this. Let's hire someone to do the food, let's hire someone so that I'm not stuck doing it all. Right. I've gotten good with delegating, but get having to pay for somebody for somebody else. Right. But it makes it so I can relax, you know.

Jennifer 9:48

Yeah, that's true. I would use you for your cooking skills. I'd be like, Jack, we're having a party. Can you make all the food? I wouldn't. You know, I'd probably be like, let's just go out to eat. Everybody's like, why are we always going out to eat with you? I'm like, because that's how I cook, by the way. So everybody would be like, no, let's just make something. And I'm like, that's a choice. But if I did that, let's say that happened, because that's something I would do. Because I don't cook. So this is not something I would do. But let's say I was having a party and I was like, okay, why don't you guys come over and we'll go out to eat afterwards? Like, I'll just make reservations. That's what I do. I make reservations and we'll go eat. And then you guys are like, no, that's too much money, or that's too much, I don't want to go, or whatever. And you decide to cook, or you go, let's just make something. And I'm like, I'm out, guys. I don't cook. Like, it's not, I don't mind helping, but you don't want my food. You don't want to eat what I make. So you decide that you guys are gonna take that on. That's different, right? That's a that's something that you decide to print. Yeah. Like, I'll do it. So if you if you're asked, or if somebody has a photographer and you're like, you know what, let me do your photos, I can do them better, and you're volunteering that service, then I feel like that's an absolute that's on whoever volunteers that service. Your friend takes you up on that and you do it, and then you feel this way because you took on more than you could handle. You can't, I don't think you're that's your own fault. Yeah, you can't be going back to your friend and being like, I felt like I didn't get to enjoy it and stuff. So use so our offering up your services on something can also backfire you as well because you end up with a task that you don't want to have or that I don't I think that falls back on the person that offered it, right? If someone takes you up on it, like you want to cook? Oh, are you sure? I mean, I'd certainly try to talk you out of it. As far as I'm concerned, it's easier to just go eat somewhere and have somebody do the job. Because you're like, I don't want to do cleanup either. No, cleanup is my thing. Like, I'm already good at cleanup, like that's my thing. It's the cooking part of it. Yeah, I don't really mind cleanup. I don't like cooking. I just can't cook. So what is the point? I don't enjoy it. So um, but yeah, if you offer up your services, somebody takes you up on those, then that's a whole another ball. That's you. That's on you because you just now offered up services that somebody took on your somebody you offered, you somebody took you up on it, that's on you. So but be mindful when you're asking your friends what to do and how to do things for you, because you can create some animosity there between the two of you for always expecting that they just do it, that they should be more than willing to do something for you. Unless you did something for them. What if you're a photographer and you were and you were in her wedding and she asks you to be and you're a hairdresser. Let's say you have a hairdresser and a photographer, and when you're in her wedding and she asks you to do your hair, and this time she's like, Okay, well, I did your hair, so you'll do the photographer. Like, I could see how that's That's a fair trade.

Jackie 12:31

Yeah. That's a fair question to ask your friend, definitely.

Jennifer 12:34

Yeah. If you've done something for them and their wedding and you that being asked to it, I think that's you know, so I think I would look at all the sides of that before I'd make a call on it. But if you're just the one-sided friend, I know this I talked to somebody not l too long ago and she was feeling used about being in a wedding because she was a hairdresser. And um she just doesn't even want to go to the wedding because she feels like she only got invited to be in this wedding because she's the hairdresser.

Jackie 13:00

Oh, that's so sad.

unknown 13:01

Yeah.

Jackie 13:02

She's not is she close to this person or I think she thought she was really close.

Jennifer 13:06

Like she was like in her bridal squad and they were gonna do all this stuff. And I think she went to the bachelorette party and realized that she was odd man out and never really felt like they looked at like there were two groups of friends that were in this bridal bachelorette party or whatever, and she was like odd man out. So she felt like and she wasn't originally the hairdresser. Originally there was gonna be another hairdresser, and then all of a sudden the bride's like, I had my hair done, it looks horrible. I want you to do my hair because you know how my hair, my hair. And she's like, Okay. And so she's like, Well, how am I gay at my like she was expecting to get her hair and makeup done, like all the other girls are gonna do it, and she kind of felt like this was gonna be a burden on it?

Jackie 13:44

Well, that's sad, yeah. Yeah, no longer. No one's gonna do hers. Yeah, she doesn't be part of the group. Yeah, it's like that's kind of crappy. I think it's a crappy situation.

Jennifer 13:55

And then on top of that, that is a that is a a Go ahead.

Jackie 14:00

That is a special thing though, when you think about it, because it's like you're all bonding. I mean, you know, I've watched the girl, I mean, I wasn't in any weddings where we did that, but you know, like my daughter well has been and stuff, and they that's like a little bonding time for all of them. Like we brought them in snacks while they had the people doing their hair and their makeup, and you know what I mean? And to be the one that's doing all the work and no one's doing it for you. That's right. That's kind of sad to me.

Jennifer 14:23

I remember when I got married, you I remember you taking me to a salon. Do you remember that? Somebody you took me to the salon to get my hair done and my makeup, I guess. I have a picture of it.

Jackie 14:33

And I did my own.

Jennifer 14:34

Well, I think everybody did their own. We were like 18 years old at the time.

Jackie 14:37

Yeah, we didn't have as much money back then.

Jennifer 14:39

I don't think we ever did. I don't think I ever got our hair and makeup done by this is all a new phenomenon, I think. I think the bride maybe got her hair and makeup done, but I think all the bridesmaids always had to do their own because we just didn't have any money. I mean, it wasn't like uh Yeah, exactly.

Jackie 14:51

And we didn't make have our dresses made for your wedding and all that too.

Jennifer 14:55

That's true. You did.

Jackie 14:57

Those dresses velvet dresses.

Jennifer 14:59

Well, it was during Valentine's Day, so anyways. Um, but yeah, so it can take an emotional toll and you're just not allowed to participate, and your gift is valued more than your presence, meaning your talent is really kind of called upon. You feel like you're getting used versus just being a guest, and over time it can erode your friendship, I think for sure. Be careful, girls, when you're dealing around with this, because people's feelings do get hurt um if they don't feel like they're actually being valued for who they are and they're only being valued for their talent. Um, and you know, you're gonna have to, if you're one of those people that doesn't really isn't really mindful about it, you could end up losing some friends over it. And I do think this hairdresser that I know, she's like, I don't think we'll be friends after this wedding. I'm like, why are you even going? Just tell you're not gonna go if you feel so slighted or so used. Like, well, you have to because it's her wedding. And I'm like, I was like, I don't know, man. I would be like, I would probably think about that.

Jackie 15:57

It's kind of like when we talked about someone not showing up for the wedding, but she's at least back and I gotta be there, I gotta do this. But then when she's done with it, which is that's a pretty nice person. Because yeah, if it was you, like setting boundaries, I could see you. Well, how would you say it if you're gonna send a bad a boundary with your friend and and she'd asked you after the fact?

Jennifer 16:14

Probably say, I'd probably do it because I'd be gracious.

Jackie 16:18

Same way, right?

Jennifer 16:19

Yeah, but I would probably I would probably I don't know. I'd probably do it and I'd probably make the best of the day, but I probably wouldn't be friends with her afterwards because I would feel like and we and the wedding hasn't happened, so there's nobody has any idea, especially my hair.

Jackie 16:35

Yeah, so who even knows? Who even knows? Maybe the girl has it worked out where she's gonna have someone just come do her, her friend. I don't know, but I'm just trying to say that to make it positive.

Jennifer 16:44

Well, she should.

Jackie 16:45

And she doesn't even know it. You know what I mean? Maybe she doesn't even know that yet. Maybe there's somebody else that she knows that's gonna be in the group that's gonna do her for her, and then she's letting because she is she doing the whole bridal pop uh bridal party? No, she does the bride.

Jennifer 16:58

But the bride's got the two looks, yeah. She's gotta not only she gotta do the one look, she's gotta go back and do her hair again for the second look because she's gonna change into a dress. So she's gotta do that. So she's gonna be with her. But I think what she's at that point, no.

Jackie 17:11

If you're gonna change, you change, you don't make your friend come back and redo your hair while she's in the having fun at the wedding. Sorry.

Jennifer 17:18

Yeah. I think this is the way they do things now. I know, but I think this girl, what she's basing this off of, and the way she thinks she's not gonna be friends with her anymore, is because the way that she was treated at the bachelorette party prior to, and just how that kind of came across and how this she was in that space with all those girls and how it felt. So I think that's where she was kind of basing this idea that she probably wouldn't be friends with this girl afterwards because of this, because it was because of the bachelorette party.

Jackie 17:44

Okay. So the bachelorette party didn't go so well. Well, that's too bad.

Jennifer 17:47

Yeah, so florists probably get it too. People who do flowers, oh, can you make my bouquet? Oh yeah, let me just spend$500 on flowers that make you a bouquet. Flowers are expensive now, by the way. So, you know, it's not like you just dealt with that with the wedding, right? Yeah, we do it all the time. Like what flowers are like, I don't know what's happened to flowers, but they're insane. And you know, I mean, I don't know how many bouquets I've made when brides have shown up with a with a 12, like 12 roses they bought at Kroger's and they're just in that plastic wrap still, and like they're gonna just hold them like that. I'm like, are we in a is that like that's more like a pageant? Bouquet is like in front of you plastic wrap.

Jackie 18:31

So like, you know, even more classier than that.

Jennifer 18:35

Well, me and my graciousness, I'm like, let me have those flowers. I'm gonna go cut the stems off and move the rubber band up at least, so they're you know, so I get it. Like it's expensive and people want to have flowers, but like, you know, florists probably get tagged for this too, so why I. Anyways, if you're invited to an event and you end up working instead of enjoying it, um, you know, take your consideration your friendship and take in consideration if you've done if they've asked you to do things, they've done things for you and now they're just getting asking it back, you know, that could be something. And in that case, you should probably be gracious and that if you're just doing it and nobody's really mindful of you, you know, I think you have a legit reason to kind of feel slided by this whole thing, don't you?

Jackie 19:16

Mm-hmm. Definitely. Yeah. Poor thing.

Jennifer 19:19

All right, let's go to Besty rapid questions. Jack, who's more likely to get robed into working a party? Roped into working a party. Yeah.

Jackie 19:29

Me?

unknown 19:29

Yeah.

Jackie 19:31

Not you. Leave bossy out. You'd be setting your you'll be setting your boundaries. You'll be setting those right away. That doesn't sound fun to me. You need to call this person to do that for you.

Jennifer 19:45

How about I don't do any of that? And how about you do it? How about we hire somebody? Probably. You probably would get roped into it more just because you're nicer than me.

Jackie 19:52

Which is kind of the next question. Who's better at setting the boundary?

Jennifer 19:55

You 100%. Do something because it's in the you do it in a place of your heart that you want to do it. It's a different place than being expected to do it.

Jackie 20:06

And also, you know, I And sometimes you are you started out with the heart wanting to do it, and then they just keep asking for more and more and more.

Jennifer 20:15

Yeah.

Jackie 20:15

Or you can start that situation too. Yeah. You're like, come on, I was only supposed to do this. Now why am I covering this? Right. Get another friend to do that.

Jennifer 20:25

Or you could do everything. If you're a photographer, you can just hand the camera to somebody else, be like, hey, you're on photography patrol now. I'm gonna go have a drink. So I'll see you when I get back. And like, like, let them somebody else have some pressure on it. Like, here, you shouldn't, hey, come over here, maid of honor or best friend or someone, and be like, you take the photos, I'm gonna go get a drink. So, I mean, you know, I don't know. I'd probably make a stance on it though, because I don't think it's right. And I don't think that you should do that. I wouldn't do it to somebody, so I don't think that somebody should do it to me either. So, you know, but we're also older and wiser, but when you're 20, I probably would have done it. So okay, what's the one thing you do so well that people always try to get for free, Jack? Let's see.

Jackie 21:04

Photography, party organizer, babysitter.

Jennifer 21:08

Oh, yeah.

Jackie 21:08

Definitely babysitter.

Jennifer 21:09

Well, cook, right?

Jackie 21:11

People probably but I've gotten better with that. I've started hiring people to do cooking for me. Yeah.

Jennifer 21:16

So nobody else in your family.

Jackie 21:18

Like I remember last year. They do, but it always just ends up being some times where I just want it easy and I know that they're gonna bring stuff. Oh, I need to use this, I need to cook this. You know, they bring it to get it ready here. No, the idea is bring it and have it ready. Right. I'm doing the other stuff, unless it's something for the main meal. But usually I always tell everybody just do appetizer. Right. That's just easy. And then I can be preparing the meal, you know, because I know how much room I have, how much time for each thing. It just makes it easier that way.

Jennifer 21:47

Yeah. But that's definitely a pain in the holidays because you gotta time out your your oven only has so much space. So you have to time that out correctly. But um, yeah, it's you know, that's what I bring. I bring appetizers, that's what. Everybody asked me to do. I'm like, what drinks are we drinking? Let me bring some drinks, but you know there's gotta be something to cook.

Jackie 22:05

We've got we've got now because everybody likes some kind of specialty drink or something. Hey, just bring your own whatever you want to drink. It makes it so much easier.

Jennifer 22:13

Yeah. Could you imagine if you have especially with you guys, we already have 25 people over at Christmas? Yeah.

Jackie 22:18

Actually this uh weekend we're having sixteen for Rick's mom's birthday on Saturday.

Jennifer 22:24

Oh, really?

Jackie 22:24

It started out as he was just taking her out to lunch, and now we're having sixteen people at our house, and I'm doing a luncheon.

Jennifer 22:31

Look at you all roped in with your cooking skills and organizational skills. Are you gonna be the photographer as well?

Jackie 22:37

Probably I take the most pictures with my phone now, but not with my camera.

Jennifer 22:41

You take your camera out, you're like, nah. Well, so there you go. Jack can just go roped into a full weekend extravaganza for and you know what happens. Why? Because you don't want to you don't want to see. I just make reservations, 16 people be like I guess there's the the point of who's paying for all that.

Jackie 22:58

That's really well we uh yes and then we have little kids. This can be what one, two, three, four, five little kids. You're trying to go to a restaurant with kids that are six and under. Ooh, it's too hard. Unless you go to a pizza place. But that's still hard because someone's gotta go with them when they want to go play the game. So that's just easier. Just seemed like more people wanted to jump in on it, so we just figured it was easier to go ahead and just do it here with the babies and stuff, so which is fine. I have time right now.

Jennifer 23:27

Oh, you do. Yeah. So you're not worried about cooking for 16 people on Saturday. You're just gonna I hope you're doing something night.

Jackie 23:35

I'm doing my famous chicken sandwiches. Remember the croissants that I made for all of our girls that when we did the well, not the best bestimony thing. Those were good. And then, you know, put out some other little it's just gonna be a luncheon. I was like, we'll just make it a luncheon. So nothing too crazy. Easy little sandwiches, salads. Yeah.

Jennifer 23:54

Good. There you go. Have fun with it.

Jackie 23:57

Thanks. Good luck with that. Um what's your secret dream to show up empty-handed and still feel welcome?

Jennifer 24:07

What's my secret dream to show up empty-handed and still feel welcome? I guess. I mean, I don't know if I show up empty-handed to feel like.

Jackie 24:14

I can never come empty-handed. I was something. Even if I just bring flowers or a drink or like a bottle of champagne or a bottle of wine.

Jennifer 24:21

Yeah. Showing up with nothing.

Jackie 24:25

I c I can't I never show up with nothing.

Jennifer 24:27

Yeah. I guess I it depends. I mean, if I was gonna go stay at your house for the weekend, I might just show up with me, but like like let's go out to eat, like I would do something and would do nothing. You know what I mean? Like I think we're just raised that way. Like, you can't just show up at people's houses and isn't that like the rule of thumb?

Jackie 24:42

If you go it's different when you're getting picked up from the airport from that person you go to go stay with. Totally. Or do yes, yeah. Yeah, that's let's be fair on that one. But anywho, yes. But like my parents usually we get a yeah, like when we we go to Missouri or with, you know, even see my brother and my sister-in-law, and we usually get a rental car, so I always stop and get flowers and make sure I'm bringing, you know, something for them too for having us, which yeah.

Jennifer 25:06

It's kind of an old school way of doing it, I think. Anymore that you're supposed to bring something when you go. So all right, who's more likely to donate their gift without realizing they're doing it again? You. Me. There you go.

Jackie 25:21

Oh boy, I am just the gullibled person. This is really good counseling. This this podcasting has really given me some good counseling in figuring out what I need to say no to.

Jennifer 25:31

Yeah, we call this messy to start doing therapy. Like, we're definitely like working through some of our issues here about, you know.

Jackie 25:38

I'm serious, I get off. I think about it. I'm like, that's right. I need to stop doing that. They all hate me.

Jennifer 25:45

They're like, man, she used to be so easy to get along with, and all of a sudden she's a pain in our ass. I'm like, good, she should be a pain in your ass. I'll take advantage of her, maybe. So anyway, so that's today's episode. Be mindful what you're asking people to do, and be thankful if they do it, and show grace by you know, reciprocating if somebody you've done something someone's done something for you, it's your turn to dump in and do something for them. What's your final word on this, Jack?

Jackie 26:11

That's it, you did it.

Jennifer 26:13

Alright.

unknown 26:18

All right.

Jackie 26:18

I'm going on, writing you right on yours.

Jennifer 26:21

All right. If this episode hit you in the philosopher made you laugh way too hard, we consider that a win. Be sure to subscribe, leave a review, and share it with your ride or die. And when you're ready to make your friendship official, book your best mormonia at rhinestoneweddingchapel.

Jackie 26:33

Because the best love stories don't always come with the ring.

Song 26:50

We stick together at or die to the moon, and no amount of space could ever come between us two. Reuniting's like we never been apart, and every single time we're out of iron heart to heart. There's not enough words to describe what you made a make To heartaches and ups and downs and this life you stayed right next to me. I've bottom make you laugh till you cry. The definition of a bit strength. It's good. It's good And we'll keep it to the race whatever writing a story every day, we'll keep on going every day. What you make a make. Stay right next to me. I'll make you laugh till you pray.

SPEAKER_03 29:01

It's good.

Song 29:11

Trust us loyalty, you and me love trust that says loyalty, you and me.