When Friendships Become One-Sided: How to Spot It, Test It, and Heal From It

When Friendships Become One-Sided: How to Spot It, Test It, and Heal From It

Description:
At some point, almost every woman has the same quiet realization: Wait… am I the only one holding this friendship together?

One-sided friendships rarely end in a blowup. They fade quietly. They drain you slowly. And they leave you questioning whether you’re asking for too much—or if you’re just asking the wrong people.

In this episode of Slightly Unsupervised, Jennifer and Jackie unpack the emotional reality of one-sided friendships using a real story that struck a nerve with women everywhere. From being the dependable one, the planner, the rescuer, and the emotional glue—to realizing no one shows up when it finally matters to you—they break down the subtle signs a friendship isn’t mutual.

They talk honestly about how to test a one-sided friendship without confrontation, why pulling back can be the most revealing move you make, and how to release the fantasy of what you thought the friendship was—without blowing everything up. This episode is about recognizing emotional imbalance, trusting what your body and heart are telling you, and giving yourself permission to step away with grace.

Because real friendships don’t require you to do all the emotional labor. And when you stop holding a one-sided friendship together, you make room for the ones where your presence is valued—and your absence is noticed.

In This Episode:

💔 The quiet moment you realize a friendship isn’t mutual [01:00]
 🧠 The subtle signs of a one-sided friendship most women ignore [05:20]
 🪞 How to test a friendship without confrontation [09:40]
 🚫 Why pulling back tells you everything you need to know [12:50]
 🧩 Releasing the fantasy of what you thought the friendship was [15:30]
 ✨ Healing without drama, guilt, or explanations [18:40]
 💞 Bestie Rapid Fire: loyalty, boundaries, and real friendship truths [22:30]

🎙️ Hosted by Jennifer & Jackie
💍 Presented by Bestiemony™ — Because not all soulmates come with a marriage license

🎵 Music Credit:  Definition of a Best Friend by Brooke August & Hannah Rose Follow Brooke on YouTube: @brookeaugust 

If this episode hits you in the feels—or makes you finally say “Oh… now I see it”—send it to the friend who’s been carrying too much for too long.

🎧 Subscribe to Slightly Unsupervised for real talk, deep laughs, and honest conversations about modern friendship.

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Disclaimer: This post contains affiliate links. If you make a purchase, I may receive a commission at no extra cost to you.

This episode of Slightly Unsupervised was brought to you by the creators of Bestiemony®—the original friendship ceremony that proves soulmates don’t always come with a marriage license. Hosted by Jennifer and Jackie: best friends, business partners, and co-founders of the movement celebrating real, ride-or-die love.

💍 Book a Bestiemony: rhinestoneweddingchapel.com/bestiemony
📱 Follow us on Instagram at @Bestiemonies
📩 Got a bestie story to share or a subject request? Email us at ChickologyPodcasts@gmail.com

Transcript

Jackie 0:00

Hey there, I'm Jennifer. And I'm Jackie.

Jennifer 0:02

And welcome to Slightly Unsupervised, where best friends, business partners, and the chaos behind testimony, a ceremony we cre we created to celebrate the kind of soulmates who don't come with a marriage license.

Jackie 0:11

This podcast is all about that friendship energy, the deep stuff, the messy stuff, and the laugh to you snort stuff.

Jennifer 0:16

So whether you're driving, holding laundry, or hiding in your car for some peace and quiet, you're in good company.

Jackie 0:21

Let's get slightly unsupervised.

Jennifer 0:23

Alright, so today's episode, When Friendships Become One-sided, how to spot it, test it, and heal from it. Every woman has them has a moment when she realizes, hold on, I'm the only one holding this friendship up. Today we're talking about that moment and what to do when it finally hits.

Jackie 0:40

Today's story comes from a woman who spent 16 years being the glue in her friend group. She showed up for everyone, emotionally, physically, financially, whatever they needed. She was their dependable one. In 2025, she opened her own spa, invited her closest friends repeatedly. Not one of them made the effort to visit, support her, or even show interest. Then came the moment that broke her heart. The group planned a spa day together and invited her, but at a different spa, completely ignoring the business she had worked so hard to build. She was torn, she wanted to go, she wanted to still feel included, but she also felt invisible. Because she had other obligations she declined, and no one cared that she didn't come. No follow-up, no checking on her. No, we missed you. That's when she realized the friendship wasn't mutual. She slowly distanced herself and discovered something even more painful. No one noticed. That is so sad.

Jennifer 1:29

It's so sad. I guess.

Jackie 1:30

And this is a true like little thing. Yeah, that you got. Yeah. Oh my gosh.

Jennifer 1:35

This yeah. I actually was one morning just doing my coffee reading through my emails. But anyways, I'm on People Magazine or whatever. This is actually an article in People Magazine, and she actually posted on Reddit, and so many people responded. I think People Magazine picked it up. So I'm like, this is really a good one for us to talk about because it it's just our perspective on it. It has nothing to do. No one asked us to do this. She didn't call us and ask us to do this. But it's a good friendship story because I think what we lack too a lot of is in the world is these friendship stories about how to fix things. We have a lot of relationship, how to fix the your relationship with your mate, but not a lot of friendship, you know, advice that comes to us. So I wanted to pick this up and do it with do it on our podcast because I think it's a good one. And for sure, it's a sad one. And this girl that has experienced this, first of all, I feel very sorry for you that you spent. I'm so sorry.

Jackie 2:26

Although, and I do feel like um I just gotta throw this out there. The friendship she thought was like our like ours is so deep with all of our girlfriends. Like this would never happen. I feel like that the friendship she thought in her heart was so deep, obviously it wasn't, because that would never happen.

Jennifer 2:43

Yeah.

Jackie 2:44

Never. And I'm so sorry that you didn't see that. You know what I mean?

Jennifer 2:47

Right. Well, one of the things that it does we didn't talk about it in the backstory when you read it, but one of the things that she feels now later, as she's looking back on it, is she's the one that had the car. So every time somebody needed rescuing, it was expected for her to go. Every time they needed to go somewhere, it was expected for her to go. Anything that had required a car, she was, you know, the one expected to behave in this. In this case, when she was saying with the spa, first of all, she has her own spa. You have never come to see it, and then you make plans to go to another spa and invite her. That's just like adding salt to the wound, as far as I'm concerned. That's just disrespectful in general. It's the reason that she thinks she was even invited, kind of in hindsight, is that she had the car to pick everybody up to take everybody. Like that was the plan, the reason why she was even invited.

Jackie 3:33

So, what's the age group of this area? Or is it a pl an area where they don't usually have cars? There's you know, like San Francisco.

Jennifer 3:39

Yeah, or you know, big cities or whatever. Nobody has a car. I assume that's probably what it was. But I think she's probably in her 30s now from the gist of it. They're 16 years, so they're probably friends who are like 16, 15, 16 on, and you know, a lot of these girls had really bad, some really bad things happen to them, and she showed up and and dealt with it and took them to where they needed to go and made sure they were okay. And one of them ran out of money one time or something, but had to tried to start a business. So she went down there with like her leftover money, meaning money she had a little bit of leftover, and she'd buy things every week just to make this friend feel like she was being supported. Oh, wow. And she was doing all these things for these this group of girls, and then come to find out you open a spa, they don't even come. That's like that's just salt to the wound that you don't come to support or see it to support them, but then just to blase, oh hey, we're having a spa day, not at your place, at some other place. Do you want to come? I think that's almost disrespectful to invite her to that, don't you? Definitely.

Jackie 4:39

But here's my thing. Just because I've been talking to more younger people these days, yeah. Like it's another situation with like a group of friends in their 30s where um like one invites everyone to one and then they don't, but they all think they're best friends. And then I'm trying to sit there going, so are you best friends with them if they're not inviting you? It's like they're going to do stuff and then they don't invite each other. Yeah, they only invite like almost all the girls, but not the one. Oh yeah. Or they do it like in another situation, but they don't do the one. Right. And I'm like, okay, so those are acquaintances, those are not best friends. This is what I was trying to explain to the one girl. I'm like, this is not, don't. And of course they try to backpedal. Well, I no, I know they're not my best friends. Well, nope, that's what you were upset about because you thought they were. Right. And so if you're gonna talk to me about it, I'm gonna tell you straight out. My girlfriends would not do that to me.

SPEAKER_02 5:32

Right.

Jackie 5:33

It would be everybody would be invited. You know what I mean? Right. And um you wouldn't do that. So it's it's kind of the same story. And I'm I it's all the 30-year-olds that I know right now.

Jennifer 5:45

Yeah. It seems manipulative behavior.

Jackie 5:47

And you guys, I'm not trying to point out like the age groups that you're so bad or whatever. It's just this is what I've been going through, like listening, and because people talk to me. Yeah. Um, and I'm a best friend podcast.

Jennifer 5:58

Of course I'm gonna talk to you about it.

Jackie 6:00

I mean, so they'll say certain things, and I'm just like, well, yeah, no, that would not happen. No, so yeah, there is maybe you're not in the friendship that you think you are. Right. So maybe back off and look at it, you know. Right. And then then like one even says, Well, I know my really good best friends wouldn't do that. Okay, so these aren't your best friends.

Jennifer 6:18

Well, then who are you hanging out with? These are acquaintances?

Jackie 6:21

Like that's what I was trying to explain. They're acquaintances because your kids remember we've gone through this on I think another podcast, because your kids are all the same age, you all live around each other, and that's why. So we don't get so butthurt on this. That's what we're doing worries about if your best friends do this to you.

Jennifer 6:38

Yeah, but we've said that, that you have different friends during different seasons, and that we both have friends when you're in kid mode. Those friends, those relationships are hot and heavy because you're in the same space with them, the kids are the same, you're doing stuff in the same. When those things kind of outgrow or move on, those aren't relationships don't have withstanding ability because they're not built on you two. They're built on one common denominator, which is the children or whatever that you have at that time that makes you compatible because you have the same thing going on at the same time. But it's not meant for long term, long term. It's just it's short-term, you know, kind of interesting.

Jackie 7:15

So it's just interesting that you went through the and I I really hope that this is the kind of situation with this girl and she didn't realize that maybe she's realizing it now. Maybe not. If it's made it through Reddit and people now.

Jennifer 7:25

Well, she had another friend that she was friends with in the these are her like our high school friends, I think. And then her one friend that she she has from college was like, Don't let sound right, girl. Like you're getting used. And made her kind of stop and think about it. So this this podcast is really for those people that are wondering about it. And I think that some of the signs for one-sided relationships and besties is is that you're always the one reaching out. Yeah. Stop reaching out. If nobody responds to you or nobody goes, hey, how are you? And you're the only one, that's a very good sign that you're on a one-sided relationship. That this is not a mutual relationship relationship, but one-sided.

Jackie 8:05

And I'm putting my hand up, Jan, right now. You see me in the computer, nobody else can. And I do have some friends like that that I have figured out in the last what I think I've told you. I'm not gonna like put it out there, but it seems like they reach out when it's convenient for them, even when my husband was sick, and then they were upset because I didn't make sure I called them. Hello, do you know what I'm was going through? Right. Do you know what my husband's going through? Like I was I put out whatever and that was it. Right. Yeah. And I realized you are not my good friend. Like you try to act like you were my good friends. No, you're not. I'm done. Right. I I I'm telling you, my mindset after my husband was sick.

Jennifer 8:46

Right.

Jackie 8:47

Because I before I would like make excuses. You know me. Yeah, make excuses. But I would also just like, oh well, whatever, they're still my friend, blah, blah, blah. You know, everybody's my friend type of thing. Right, right. No, I'm just like, no, I don't need to make the time for you anymore. I I I can't even like knowledge it.

Jennifer 9:06

Cause you put on a different pair of glasses. Before you had rose glass color colored glasses on, and you're like, oh, I did with everybody. I know. And then you put them down because your life got unrosy and you put on real glasses and you could see for real for a while what was going on. And you're like, man, there's some people that are really truly my friend, and some people that really truly are only in it for themselves.

Jackie 9:27

Yep. And I thought we were closer than we were. I I'm sorry, and I hate to say it. And I think even my husband, it hurts his feelings because I think he still tries to kind of like when they call all of a sudden to do something or you know, out of the blue.

unknown 9:42

Right.

Jackie 9:43

But I'm like, do you realize they're only wanting it because they want more people to go to do this thing? Or just not to really be with that number. Because they would call and they would have came to see us when you were going through your stuff. Right. That wasn't it. Yeah. Right. So well, I mean, they bring the downer on it, but I'm just serious. It's like I really realized it's good.

Jennifer 10:02

It's good that the one-sided relationships of people that you've been in, you know, that we're pointing them out. I mean, I I can say I've had a fight with a friendship that a friend that you would go, let's put that back together. That's not really that big of a deal. Like, I don't even it doesn't even bother me or whatever. And they're like, I just can't. You're like, well, what does that mean? Does that mean we're not we're I was never that important to begin with? That's how you have to take it because that's how it feels. A person that loves you, a person that's your friend, and a person that has the emotional maturity to do so will put that back together for you. And if they don't have the emotional maturity to do it, you can't be a one-side, you're still in a one-sided relationship because you're building, you're doing all the emotional heavy lifting and they're doing nothing. And so even if it gets to that, you know, yeah, I it's like I always give more it wasn't just like that was just it.

Jackie 10:55

You know me. It was like a more things that happened even like during it or when it started, when it was going, and when it ended.

SPEAKER_02 11:02

Yeah.

Jackie 11:03

And because now we're a year over it. Over it. It's like, wow, the steps. And you just think back and it's like, wow. And you know, and I almost think that also if I would have done that to them, they would have felt the same way, right? So, but they're probably sitting there saying, Oh, I can't believe they won't even do that. It's like, really? Because this is the how I see their head level, where I'm just like, no, done.

Jennifer 11:25

Okay, going on, your milestones don't matter to them. So your birthdays, your achievements, the things that happened to you or for you, they don't really care about. So again, we just talked about. Yeah, indication it's one-sided. Your no isn't allowed, but theirs is, meaning I can't say no, but you can. And yeah, your face is turning red, which means I know you can agree with all Jackie, because you can't see her, but I can. So she's waving her hands like, yep, that happened. They drain you and they don't refill. Isn't that a good one? Like, that's really good. Be in a place, girls, where you spend some time with somebody. If you're questioning it, spend some time with them. Go do it. Go spend some time with them. Get done with it, and then go back to your space, get alone, and then recap what just happened and ask yourselves in your space. Do I feel better about my life and who I am? Or do I feel completely drained at this experience just had? Because it's a really good indication. A friend will build you up and energize you and keep you excited about life. And it felt great to be around him and made my soul whole. We do that a lot with our growth, our group. And then there's a side who is like, my God, like that was so draining on my because it's draining. The drain happens because you are holding that friendship together. And it's a one-sided, you are over there doing aerobics exercise, and they're just sitting there. So by the time it's done, you're doing all the work. By the time it's over, you have literally exhausted yourself to, oh my God, go. And they're they have no emotional attachment to it, so they don't care. Let's go back to their life, whatever. So that's a good one.

Jackie 13:05

But they're 30 other friends that they don't really care about.

Jennifer 13:07

Right.

Jackie 13:08

They're just gonna trade you in for someone else.

Jennifer 13:11

But that's a really good one to kind of test it to see if it's a one-sided. And if they they don't notice if you pull back, they don't even care. Like I said, I have that one friend who's like, we've been friends a long time. And are you telling me that one fight's gonna end the relationship over something so minute that we can't put it back together? And it'd be like, nope. It's like, yeah, I misjudged that friendship completely because I thought we were more to each other. So it happens to all of us. What we're telling you now, and these are two different stories. Jackie's telling you one story, I'm telling you another story, is that you're not alone, that we've all gone through it and we all have to. So it's good to definitely start noticing this so that you can make some judgment calls that happen before it's too late or before you really damaged yourself in that. And, you know, when you do find out that you are in this relationship, so some of these things have happened and you're, you know, start talking to somebody and somebody isn't around that, you know, you definitely need to release that friendship, that fantasy of that friendship. I've had to do it, Jackie's had to do it. We're telling you right now, we had a perception.

Jackie 14:16

And I'm not acting like it was easy. I'm sorry. I mean, I g because I put it out there like no feelings all of a sudden. It just yeah. And it it took, and I was like, it really hurt my feelings. Sure. And I still know it still hurts my my husband's feelings, right? You know, with some of these friends. And it's like, wow. Yeah, it's just I don't know.

Jennifer 14:36

I think too, but it what it does for you, Jackie, and maybe it it does for you too, for me too, is that when you find somebody that your friends you're not really friends with, evidently, or that it's a convenience and not a real friendship, is that you do go back to the people that really are there for you or your friends that and you go, that's more that's that's the way it should be. It makes you more appreciative of the friendships you have when you have something like that happen to you because you realize, and you girls can not probably have friends that maybe you're really good friends with or you don't give as much attention, like you've got to start giving those those friendships of attention back again because there's some people that will be there for ride or die, and there's some people there for what do you got going on today? Yeah, I don't know if I want to, you know, I'll let you know if I can make it. I can let you know if I like you should be crossing oceans to get over to do some stuff for people.

Jackie 15:24

And you know, Rick and I, we when we make friendships with people, we are if you need us, we're gonna be there in a second. Even when it's we can go through cancer, we go like I know. If we're sick, we'll do it. So it's just like wow, it's just I this poor girl, I understand.

Jennifer 15:39

So, anyways, you gotta release the fantasy of the friendship. Give your give yourself permission to step back. You don't need to have you don't need a big explosion too. I'm gonna be honest with you. Sometimes the explosion is not necessary. It's really just uh identify it in your head and then test it out a little bit. And if that is it, you have permission to back off because it is not your job to be a one man.

Jackie 16:02

And who wants to announce and make a big deal out of it? If you're really done, then just do it. Just move on. Just move on.

Jennifer 16:08

Find a new place, find some new friends.

Jackie 16:10

Of course, my husband's my best friend, and it was our friends, and we've realized that you know what, that's not important anymore. Yeah. Yeah. You know, we didn't have to like talk to everybody else about it.

Jennifer 16:20

So yeah, that's the next one. Don't announce the withdrawal, just be done. It's okay to be done. It's okay to move on. Um, and replace I like this one. Replace the resentment with recognition. They showed you something. And no matter what you say, no matter what you do, you learn something from that relationship that you needed to learn so that you could go forward and have better relationships. Don't you think? Would you say that about the relationship?

Jackie 16:44

Yeah. Well, I think better relationship, but I already had good relationships. So I think that's how I saw that this wasn't right. Does that make sense? Yeah. Because I had good friends like you guys that I know what was a good friendship. So it's like, is it when like at first there was certain like red flags? I guess we've talked about red flags before, but it was like, okay, but you know, it's it's a mutual me and my husband friends, and so we're, you know, okay, but you know what, there's always good times too. And you know us, like we always give one, two, like I always say tons of chances and which is fine. That's that's that's how we are. We just have big hearts, and this is, you know, we'll take a lot before we finally just give up and we're like, not give up, just just I guess we're just gonna back off. Yeah, acknowledge and back off. And of course it hurts us saying it too, because when you think that they were really good, but then you know, like we we talked about it. We talked about our good relationships with our other friends. Yeah. It's like this is not normal. Like you can't get people yelling at us or getting mad at us for things that don't make sense too, you know, between like different things that happen. It's just like, whoa, and we just take it all.

Jennifer 17:51

Well, I think too, like, I won't I'm just talking about the friendship that I'm talking about. I know you know what I'm talking about, but um that you know, like did I keep that friendship together the whole time? Like, could it not withstand one bump?

Jackie 18:04

And the one And I can't say anything because I wasn't there, you know what I mean? Your friendship. I came at the end.

Jennifer 18:10

So I know, but the one bump shouldn't if it's a true friendship, one bump should be right. If we Jackie, if we had to have a friendship without any bumps, we would never be friends past like 16 when I tossed you out of the car. I made me mad. And then I came back and picked you back up and got back in the car and we went, right? I mean, you don't know what I'm talking about when you got out of the car and I'm like, get out. And you get out and I drive away, and then I come back and like, get in. But those that's a bump. If you just had one fight with your friend and be like, get out, and then I come back and pick you up, I'm like, get in. You're like, no, we're never gonna be friends. Like, that is to me, cannot be a real friendship because that is based on only me making sure.

Jackie 18:47

What we even did when that happened. Like, how did we I don't know back in the car together? That's how long ago it was.

Jennifer 18:52

Like, I guess we're fine because look, we're 45 years later, whatever it is, like we're still friends, but it's a bump. You have to go through the bump. You and I in our friendship, that's a huge bump that you and I had, right? We had this huge bump where we weren't friends for like 15 years. We had some other things going on in life and we come back together. We had to slowly come back together and to trust each other, to be in each other's face again, which was fine. That's all worth doing. And it's like if you can't get past that stuff, if you can't move past it, you really don't have what I would call a mutual friendship. You have a one-sided relationship. As long as you behave the way that they want you to behave and act the way they want you to act and do the things you can do. Exactly. You can be friends with me. But if you can't, if you have say something that might upset me, I can't deal with you and you've got to go.

Jackie 19:38

That's exactly the people I'm talking about. Exactly. That's how we feel that we finally got to. It was like, oh gosh, if we don't go and do what they want or say what they want, or you know, that you know, we're just so it's like, okay, we're good.

Jennifer 19:52

That's fine, done. You know, girls, I'm just saying, like, make sure that you happens. It happens to all of us. We're all victims of this. It's all happened to all of us, but you know, then like me and proof it's it's me and my husband.

Jackie 20:05

It's not just me by myself. It's me and my husband with mutual friends. So I know those merry couples out there too.

Jennifer 20:12

Right. All right. One-sided friendships um aren't always loud or dramatic. Sometimes they fall apart quietly. And when you finally stop holding them together in that empty space that's left, you realize something beautiful. You deserve friendships where your presence matters and your absence is felt. Absolutely. Get to those friends. That's what we've been saying. Yep. Yep. We keep telling you important relationships are important. Okay, let's go to a rapid fire question, bestie question, Jack. You go first.

Jackie 20:38

Describe a time you realized a friendship wasn't actually a friendship.

Jennifer 20:42

Uh I think I just did that. Yeah, I know. We just did that. We just both gave you some information.

Jackie 20:46

And it was a kind of a bummer. It was, you know, during and I think we what's interesting about it is we did see this friendship kind of dwindling before my husband got sick. Oh, okay.

unknown 20:56

Wow.

Jackie 20:57

Um, I anyw, um, I saw it c we kind of saw it. So it was it wasn't a big surprise, but it still hurt us. Yeah. It still hurt.

Jennifer 21:05

It hurt. You have invested feelings in something, and when it ends, you are going to, you know, have a time where you reflect on it and at some point you get it in front of you.

Jackie 21:15

And it was a lot of time. We put a lot of time and fun and stuff, you know, with with them. Right. But you couldn't change.

Jennifer 21:22

But you couldn't change.

Jackie 21:23

Like I think the one you're talking about too. Yeah, I couldn't change. We didn't change at all. No, you couldn't have nothing changed.

Jennifer 21:28

You couldn't change. You couldn't have a life, your life couldn't change to the point that you couldn't change because if you changed in any way, that made that relationship not how they expected it to be, and they no longer needed it, no longer served them. So therefore, that was easy for them to dismiss because you guys life had changed. Life had changed a little bit. You weren't able to do all the things they wanted you to do. And they really, I know in your case, they expected you to do the same things, like nothing had happened, kind of, and like life hadn't changed and your life had changed. So they didn't give you that respect. To be sort of life to change. I couldn't change either. I had to be the same person I'd always been. Once I changed, once I had moved on to a different human that I had been, then it wasn't as valuable to her anymore as well. So it's weird. But these things happen. So, anyways, okay. What would you rather have? One deeply loyal friend or ten fun but flaky friends.

Jackie 22:19

One lo deep loyal friend. Yeah. One friend.

Jennifer 22:23

Yeah.

Jackie 22:23

I have five. And I I do have some extras. Like, I'm sorry, I never mentioned Melinda. Melinda's always been there for me. And she's actually on our psychology now. And um, I always forget about I just and I I feel so bad. Not that I forget about her. It just our friendship is one where we talk not as often, but like she's also one that always texts us and is like, I'm thinking about you. I had a dream about you. Yeah. I miss you. You know what I mean? Yeah. She's always reaching out. And so I need to give a little kudos to her because I do feel bad that I mean when you're doing these, I whoever has, um, sometimes when you're doing this, you're in the moment and you forget about things and you get off and you're like, Oh, I should have mentioned this person. Sure. I should have mentioned this. Yeah. So I just want to put that out there. So sometimes we forget. And not that we're forgetting you, it's just it's your mind's on a mode and we only have so many minutes to do this.

Jennifer 23:12

Well, we have I've talked about it. I have another girlfriend that you know I'm best friends with her too. Like she's one of my other best friends. And and not to take anything away from that relationship. It's just that we're talking about this little relationship where we're together. So we spend more time on that. But that's has nothing to do with the fact that we have other friends that are very close to us. Exactly. And we did do a podcast with Miss Melinda, so can check it out.

SPEAKER_00 23:34

Yes.

Jennifer 23:36

A few we uh a few episodes back, not really sure. Remember what the name of it. Star Woman Rising. She does her own podcasting, so fun things are. Okay, go ahead, Jack. Okay, would you oh okay.

Jackie 23:44

What's the smallest gesture that makes you feel loved? Reaching out. Like I just said, like the Melinda thing that made me think of her. Yeah. Like for like no reason. Um like I'm like I'm talking about the people that I, you know, we've all of a sudden kind of backed off and the friendship isn't as much anymore. They never, I can never remember them ever doing something like that. Yeah. Like ever just reaching out, hey, I'm just thinking of you. Yeah. You know? And like Melinda You guys, we all do that. Like we do it with our emojis to each other. We do it with our little things like, hey, I'm thinking of you. Because we're all so busy. And especially now with me and you doing this, and then you doing your stuff, and I got grand three grandkids or with you, especially.

Jennifer 24:24

I know we just had a group chat about that, but Jackie always sends out us holiday cards. We do, none of us send out anything. We're terrible at that.

Jackie 24:31

And this year, you guys should be like I said, like I, because last year I didn't do it because my husband was sick, and it was just too hard to try to put that in there. And because I I handwrite every single card. I'm not the person that puts it on the computer and does all that stuff. And usually when I send out cards, it's like over a hundred cards.

Jennifer 24:48

Right.

Jackie 24:49

Because it's like, I have one girlfriend, I love her, Cheryl. And she always says, She loves that I send them cards. And she goes, I always do it too. Cause she goes, I feel like it's the one time of the year that, you know, if you don't talk to everybody all the time, right? You're still reaching out to them.

SPEAKER_05 25:04

Right.

Jackie 25:05

Like you're still telling them that you're thinking of them. Right. And that always makes so like well, like I send them out to you guys, I send them to a few more, like all the family, like the older, like my grandma, you know, that kind of thing. Right. Because I'm like, I just don't, I can't, I'm not making a card this year. I also have so much going on. And but like Cheryl was one that I'm like, I gotta send it to them because when she said that it meant a lot to me. Yeah. It's like it's true.

Jennifer 25:28

And I think that's the I totally agree. And here's the difference between doing it now and doing it then. I used to do it too when I had kids and send out, you know, stains over like happy family happy Halloween holiday days from our family. But then Facebook kind of got involved in our lives. And that kind of is like even though we don't like check in with each other, we kind of see each other all year long, which is kind of like how it used to be in high school. We'd see each other in the hallways, hey, they're still live, whatever, here's something about them or whatever. It's the connection is still a connection. And now Facebook kind of has replaced that. So it doesn't feel as isolated, like, oh my God, I haven't heard from you all year. How are you doing? Like you can kind of keep up with people, which has kind of changed, I think, the need for the holiday card from just like everybody. I know you know most people.

Jackie 26:13

I don't do that part. No, I never did that. I just did a card with a family. Yeah. Well, no, actually, and what's interesting, okay. So my son and his wife were here. So you gotta figure she, he's 28, I think she's 27. They love the cards that come with the stories in them.

Jennifer 26:26

Yeah.

Jackie 26:27

And I'm just like, what?

unknown 26:29

What?

SPEAKER_05 26:30

It was hard for me to get everybody together, get a group picture just to sit out my card that just said that we were all happy, look good. Well, look good. Who cares what we did? Jesus, look at us.

Jennifer 26:40

We aged a whole thing here.

Jackie 26:42

We look good. Okay, well, maybe you guys can start something in your generation now.

Jennifer 26:46

They used to do that. There used to be the little insert of like, you know, Mary, Mary went to college and is happily living in North Carolina.

SPEAKER_05 26:53

And oh, but it was always happy stuff. I want to see one that's like, oh yeah, Jack's over here doing nothing.

Jackie 27:01

We're hoping he finds himself this year.

SPEAKER_05 27:03

Jack is circumcised.

Jackie 27:04

I didn't jack off Jackie, you guys. So it's not pinpointing anybody.

Jennifer 27:09

Yeah. Jack's sort of finding herself still, but she'll find herself this year and everything will be better next year. You're like, okay.

SPEAKER_05 27:18

She's on her fifth boyfriend this year. The real stuff. She wrote two cars in six months. Can't have a driver's license anymore. She got three tickets in six months when she started her new job down the hill off the mountain. She's doing good. She hasn't had one since hoping our criminal cases go away right next year.

Jennifer 27:39

They should wrap those things up and plea down those things.

SPEAKER_02 27:42

I know, right?

SPEAKER_05 27:43

But no, that's not what it gets. So it's and they got a dog this year. They're so happy. I know when I read those stories, I never did that story. Sorry, I always did the cards. And I do love them. People don't get me wrong, but it is funny because you're reading them and you're honestly, everybody, when they said something about someone, you're like, oh yeah, what they really meant was what you're not telling us is all the shit that happened to them this year.

Jennifer 28:08

But they were in jail for like two months. That's why Facebook's kind of nice, because it's like you get kind of a full spectrum. Not because people post, because somebody else might say something about it. You're like, ooh, what's the juice? What happened over there? So I don't know. I love it.

SPEAKER_05 28:21

It's so funny.

Jennifer 28:22

All right, what's the smallest gesture oh that makes you feel left? I think we already just talked about that. Okay, what is one boundary you wish you had learned earlier in life? With friendships. Friendships. I don't know. I've had pretty good luck with friendships. Like I mean, I'm talking about one that didn't go so well, but it's not normal.

Jackie 28:40

I think you have to learn to set them. Yeah. I I don't think and I still think like we're at look at 55, we're still learning how to set boundaries. Yeah. I don't think there is a way to set a boundary.

Jennifer 28:50

You don't know boundaries are young.

Jackie 28:52

You don't know. You're like, I don't think there is a set. I think it's as as you age and whatever things that are going through your life and where you because like I said, like I probably would have dealt with some of these friends still if maybe Rick didn't go through that stuff. Right.

Jennifer 29:05

You know what I mean? Well, I think that I think too, if you can be intuitive in the sense that people will tell you. So if you have a friend that's not really a good friend to you, or people know people will say something to you. It may not be the direct situation.

Jackie 29:20

Like you will say something to me on certain friends that you've met that you're like, I don't think they're good friends. Exactly. But like me and my husband are the perfect example of we give people so many chances and we love everybody and try to be everybody's friend. Yeah. We really do. And I it it's a sometimes it's a good I think it's good, but then it's not.

Jennifer 29:40

Yeah.

Jackie 29:40

You know what I mean?

Jennifer 29:41

Well, just be mindful. Like I said, I said if you if you have people that really care about you, they'll give you hints. Like listen to some people. Don't always say all they're jealous. Like put it in perspective a little bit. Like are they really gaining from you not having a relationship with somebody or are they just trying to protect you? When I say things to you, I'm protecting you. Yeah, and I know that. And so if you know, give your friends some grace. Some people will try to tell you things. Like they can see you can't see it when you're in it. Same thing happens in a in a relationship of love, right, Jack? You couldn't see some things that I could see. And I'm like, Right.

Jackie 30:14

Exactly.

Jennifer 30:14

I tried to tell you, I tried to help you, and I ended up getting pushed out completely because I didn't I wasn't in a position of like, hey, this is the greatest thing since sliced bread. So, you know, be mindful of this.

Jackie 30:26

You pulled the phone out of the wall, telling me to stop talking to him.

Jennifer 30:29

I did.

Jackie 30:30

Done with him. This is when it's sorry. Some of you don't know, but plugged into the wall.

Jennifer 30:34

Plugged in the wall. We didn't have cell phones. I'm like, we're done. Done. Pulled it out. I'm like, that conversation's done.

Jackie 30:40

It wasn't like I could even say goodbye. She's just like, I'm done.

Jennifer 30:44

It was my ass.

Jackie 30:45

I will always remember that. I'm like, in shock.

SPEAKER_05 30:47

Okay, I guess it's bedtime. I didn't even fight with you about it. I remember totally. I'm like, yeah, he was being a jerk. You're right. But I guess I'm going to bed. Go to sleep. Stupid ass. Anyways, all right.

Jennifer 30:56

Okay, here we go, Jack. If this episode hit you in the fields or made you laugh way too hard, we consider that a win.

Jackie 31:01

Be sure to subscribe, leave a review, and share it with your ride or die.

Jennifer 31:04

And when you're ready to make your friendship official, book your bestimony at rhinestoneweddingchapel.com.

Jackie 31:08

Because the best love stories don't always come with a ring.

Song 32:17

What you made of make. Through heartaches and ups and downs and dislike you stayed right next to me. I've outta make you laugh till you cry. Look at everything under the moon. Definition of a bit. We're writing a story. Every day we'll keep on going to this place for your day.