Raising Good Friends: What We Didn’t Learn (But Our Daughters Need to Know)

Raising Good Friends: What We Didn’t Learn (But Our Daughters Need to Know) 

Most of us were never actually taught how to be good friends—we were taught to be nice, to include others, and to keep the peace. But no one showed us how to handle jealousy, navigate conflict, set boundaries, or speak up when something doesn’t feel right. 

In this episode of Slightly Unsupervised, Jennifer and Jackie get real about what we didn’t learn growing up—and why it matters now more than ever as we raise the next generation of girls. 

From childhood friendship struggles to adult relationship patterns, they share personal stories, hard-earned lessons, and honest conversations about how friendships shape our lives. They also break down how parents can help their daughters build strong, healthy, emotionally safe friendships—without losing themselves in the process. 

You’ll hear real talk about: 

•  Why “being nice” isn’t enough in friendships 
•  How to teach kids emotional awareness and boundaries 
•  Why conflict resolution is a skill every child needs 
•  The impact of social media on modern friendships 
•  How to help girls handle jealousy, exclusion, and comparison 
•  Why not every friendship should end when things get hard 

If you’ve ever struggled with friendships—or want to raise daughters who won’t have to unlearn what you did—this episode is for you.
 
Because friendship isn’t something we’re just supposed to “figure out.”
 It’s something we should have been taught.
 

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This episode of Slightly Unsupervised was brought to you by the creators of Bestiemony®—the original friendship ceremony that proves soulmates don’t always come with a marriage license. Hosted by Jennifer and Jackie: best friends, business partners, and co-founders of the movement celebrating real, ride-or-die love.

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Transcript

Jennifer 0:00

Hey there, I'm Jennifer.

Jackie 0:01

And I'm Jackie.

Jennifer 0:02

And welcome to Slightly Unsupervised, where best friends, business partners, and the chaos behind bestimony, a ceremony we created to celebrate the kind of soulmates who don't come with a marriage license.

Jackie 0:11

This podcast is all about that friendship energy, the deep stuff, the messy stuff, and the laugh to you snort stuff.

Jennifer 0:16

So whether you're driving, folding laundry, or hiding in your car for some peace and quiet, you're in good company.

Jackie 0:21

Let's get slightly unsupervised. Okay, today we're talking about raising good friends. What we didn't learn, but our daughters need. Okay, this one feels a little personal because I don't think most of us were ever actually taught how to be good friends. We were told to be nice, to share, to include people, but no one really taught us how to handle jealousy or what to do when a friend hurts you or how to speak up instead of staying quiet just to keep the peace. And now here we are grown women still figuring out in real time, still learning how to set boundaries, still learning how to communicate, still unlearning the idea that being a good friend means overgiving, over-explaining, or staying too long in things that don't feel right. And then we look at our daughters. And we realize they're walking into the exact same thing, the same dynamics, the same pressures, the same confusion around what friendship is supposed to feel like. But here's the difference. We get to change that. We get to teach them something we had to learn the hard way. So today we're talking about how to raise girls who aren't just nice, but are confident, honest, emotionally safe, and actually good friends without losing themselves in the process.

Jennifer 1:25

Yeah, so this is a really good subject matter. Um, in particular, probably for Jackie and I to go over on, because obviously our podcast is about being best friends. Um, and her and I have been best friends for a long time. We were best friends a long time ago, and then we had a break and now we're back. But that's the good thing about it is that we have a lot of lessons to teach people because we have not only survived friendship and been really close, but lost friendship and not being close and then returning to a friendship. So we have a little more um little more to say about this than most, probably because we have had it, lost it, and returned to it. And so we have a lot of really good um experience in this this subject matter and why it's important. And in particular, I know you probably agree with me on this, Jack, as we get older, that it is so apparent that we need to have our friends, that the friendship aspect, particularly for women, is a very important, it's very important, but even more so important as we age, because we're gonna get to these ages, you know, where we're getting into the later fifties now where we can see that, you know, we're gonna need a strong group of women around us as we go into this next chapter, which is more like the final chapter, I guess. I mean, we really want to talk about it. But that, you know, how we teach our girls to start being friends from a young age and to really probably overemphasize the idea that they really need to be good friends and they need to keep good friends and they need to have good friends. And we can make some changes in that. I know if Jack, maybe you want to give a little little background on the learning to be a friend from your mother, you know, that aspect. Do you think that there was any great lessons there for you in that that your mother had taught you about being a good friend?

Jackie 3:09

No, I don't think we really ever discussed it. My mom really didn't have any good friends that I remember. She was she had friends that, you know, that were family. Right. I know I the only really good friend I remember my mom. Well, I guess they did have friends that they had in high school, but they weren't around them very much. And as you were growing up? No, like not where they taught, like I saw her talk to them a lot. You know what I mean?

Jennifer 3:33

Right.

Jackie 3:34

But my aunt, they're still close to my aunt, actually. Followed up my aunt and uncle as my dad's twin brother. And my mom was friends with the woman, my aunt Connie, who my my uncle married. Right. And so they're still good friends, and she they actually followed my parents out to Missouri. So she's still alive. My uncle's past. Um, they're still good friends and do a lot together. But that's about it. Like, I didn't see my mom. Like, we moved to the mountains, and my mom didn't make one friend up there that I remembered that she stayed friends with. I mean, we had a neighbor she was friends with, but I don't remember keeping in touch with her, but it's because it was a neighbor, you know what I mean?

Jennifer 4:08

Right.

Jackie 4:09

Not where as like me, I moved places and I stayed with friends. You know what I mean?

Jennifer 4:14

Yeah.

Jackie 4:14

Like I still talked to the people from the desert. Rick met, you know, when I got a new one, my boyfriend, he met those women that I made friends with in the desert and then moved to the mountains. And you know what I mean? He's met everybody.

Jennifer 4:26

And I think that's so mine was a little different, right? So my mom was married. I don't know. My mom was married to my dad and got divorced when they were like two or three. So that's really not a big hiccup in my life because I don't remember it. But then she got married again, and then we moved to the mountains, and then they got divorced when they were up there. So um, and of course, I had friends in Orange County where I grew up before I moved up to those mountains. So I have my friends from Orange County too. But you know, my mom was a single mom at that point, and even maybe as a little bit as a child watching her, you know, there was a lot of girlfriends around because when you're single, you have a lot of girlfriends around because you're, you know, it's your support system, eventually if you've gotten divorced or something, there's usually a swarm of women that come around to uphold you or protect you or wrap their arms around you to kind of keep you afloat. So mine's a little different in that that I saw that the importance of friendships for women um a little more with my mom just because of that. But then she would get married, and I mean, there are friends around, I guess. It's I don't know how much I learned from my mom except that I needed them, right? That it was an important aspect of my life. So I I think that that that taught me that. And my mom still has her friends from high school, like that we talk about. I know who they are, like they've been around. So there's that. But you know, if anything I learned as a child is that keeping a close-knit group of women around you is important only from the aspect that that's who is on hand when there's a you know, a relationship fracture. So meaning the of the opposite sex, we know the fracture of that. But then I had my stepmom that was with my dad, that was that with my dad for a long time, and she was very devoted to my dad. So not that she didn't have friends, she was very active in her neighborhood, and she had little packets of friends, but not like friendship, like go hang out. They come over and they laugh and drink wine and have that sort of, you know, camaraderie together. Like, and I think my mom had that more so. So that's probably where I got that from. But it didn't mean that she taught us how to deal with the friendship problems. I think, you know, that's something that we see more, at least you probably do with your daughters, is like the jealousy, the backstabbing, you know, we're in a different era now too, where social media is just all over the place. And, you know, watching that kind of come up in the ranks, we didn't have that as children either. So, but you know, to sort of navigate things. I'm sure there's times, Jack, when, and at least I know when I have my with my stepdaughter too, when there were some things that going on in her world, trying to kind of gently guide her into a place of, you know, there's the mainstream reaction that all the girls have, and then kind of going, eh, well, kind of look at it this way. Look at some of the situation from another perspective. And because sometimes you think those infractions that happen with these kids, at least I have when I've watched it happen, is like, okay, that's not a big deal, right? In a long scheme of things, the fact that, you know, she said that to that guy and it got back to like it's not that big of a deal. Like you're making a bigger mountain, you're making a mountain out of a molehill. Like it's just a, you know, I'd have a chat with somebody about it, but it certainly wouldn't end friendship. I feel like the friendship ending is very Yeah, we definitely wouldn't get caught up in it.

Jackie 7:35

Me and my husband, we wouldn't get caught up in any of the little fights or and we'd be like, okay, like they'd be like, Well, you can't talk to their parents, you know, because they were in sports or something. And, you know, we'd be friends with the parents. So we'd sit with the parents at the games. And I remember the one game, and you can't talk to them, you know. I'm I'm not I'm not talking to their daughter. We're we're not talking more, we're not friends. No, we're not doing that. Right. Because next week you guys will be friends, or you're gonna make up in a month, and we're not we don't play those games. It's not gonna happen.

unknown 8:04

Right.

Jackie 8:05

I mean, it took longer to be friends again, but they became friends again. But no, we're not doing that. That's not right. You guys, it's gonna all work out, it's gonna be fine, but we're not no, we're adults. You're gonna find that that's not right. Right.

Jennifer 8:18

And I think too, like girls, especially when they have those sort of things, if they don't have like a support system, they're gonna go to their mother and their mother's gonna give them the first reaction of, you know, how you should behave in this instance, like jealousy or, you know, somebody said something you didn't like or whatever. Like I was reminded yesterday about something that I hadn't seen in a long time, but we had this like HOA thing, and there was a lady there, and I know her, she lives around here or whatever. Uh, she was talking to this guy that was on the board at the HOA, and she was telling him something, and then somebody else came up and asked a question, and he said, She's already writing me about that situation. Like, she had kind of told him we need to do this, we need to do this, and man, she got mad and she left. She's like, I didn't do any of that, and I was like, Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, we are overreacting here for nothing that is going on, you know what I mean? Like, but it was like it's a good reminder. It's like people have triggers, right? What does that trigger from? Like somebody at some point has told you that you did something you didn't do, and man, is that a trigger in your life? Like you just went off the deep end of her nothing, nothing happened there. And I felt bad because I'm in the middle of it, I'm the only other person there, and I'm like, oh no, and she didn't no, she wasn't that being that crazy about it. Like, and she's like, I did.

Jackie 9:29

Like she made a big stink about it, and I was just like thinking, you know, I'm an adult now, I don't I don't want to deal with this stuff, but I had to learn to deal with it all myself because I never could go to my mom about any of my friendship situations at all. Yeah, she would have just told me get over it. Yeah. And not in a good way. It would have never been anything like not an exec like you're gonna work it out or anything like that either. It'd just be like either no answer or just like a mean kind of just deal with it. Deal with that type of situation. Yeah.

Jennifer 9:59

Yeah. Yeah, I don't ever remember, I remember us talking as girls to each other about things, but not necessarily with my mom about things. But my mom would probably push me to return back to the friendship, be like, you can work it out, because my mom obviously knew that these friendships last long term and you need them or whatever. So, but I really don't feel like there was ever any lessons in that. And returning back to something with a conflict. I guess I guess what we learned as children is that maybe because our parents were all were sort of hands-off parents in that generation, that you know, somebody solved it, and then we sort of use that as our solving base, right?

Jackie 10:38

So I would say they got involved if there was a situation because I do have a friend that she was stealing money from her the business she was working for. Oh. And they found it out before I did it. And I forget how they found out, and I didn't even know. And so they questioned me if I knew, and I said, I didn't, I swear she never told me that she was doing that. I wondered where she got her money, but she always told me she got it from her mom and dad. And then she worked for this company, so I thought she just and she got paid, so that's where I thought she got her money from and I honestly I swear on my life, that's what I thought was how she got her money.

Jennifer 11:08

Right.

Jackie 11:08

And um, no, they found out that she was taking money from the business, so that's when they got involved because then they're like, okay, we don't want you to hang out with her anymore. So they did get involved when it came to where, hey, this is not cool. She was doing this, like the cops are coming.

Jennifer 11:22

Yeah, yeah. That makes sense. Yeah, you don't want to be.

Jackie 11:25

I must say in my safety-wise, they did come in and got in there. And still I don't even know how they found that out before me. I have no clue. I don't know if it was something like my brothers knew somebody or what, but I was like, how would you even find this out? She's my friend. I didn't even know this was happening.

Jennifer 11:41

Did you ever feel like when we were girlfriends in high school and like close friendships, like your parents were like annoyed by our friendship? Did you ever feel that way, Jack? Because like, like, I can imagine they were probably like, you two together are too much. Like, like you girls get we got in trouble too. Like, it wasn't like we didn't get into some trouble, but like, are you too are you sure you want to be hanging out with that one like all the time? Like, no, I was never told that. No, they probably were thinking that in their heads.

Jackie 12:09

As long as we stayed out of trouble, like and we're in a big trouble, I think they were fine. Yeah.

Jennifer 12:14

I think the major the most trouble we got in together when was the time you ran away, probably, and your parents were over in my house, like, you know, yelling and screaming. I'm like, I don't know where she is, but like other than that, we kind of did keep out of, at least kept our problems behind the scenes, although your brothers might have known. So, but anyways, the the point is is that you you have an opportunity, or the generation now has an opportunity to teach and you know, give some these children, these girls now growing up in this system, because I feel like they're very trigger happy. They're willing to block and get rid of, and I'm not talking to you, and you're not good for my mental health. All these words that we never had as children are now very easily influenced. Like it's very easy to dismiss somebody, you're not good for my mental health, which could come from a lot of reasons, and maybe there are friends that are no good for your mental health, but they also later on term, and overall friendship can be very good for your mental health. You know what I mean? Like, you got to be careful with that because you can't just dismiss everybody. And there is a lot of jealousy with girls now, I feel like, more so than anything. And I don't know where that came from. It's like, why are you all so jealous? Like, it's that drives me nuts to see that it's not a competition. Like, find your friends. That that group, Jew against the world, not just you against all everybody. Like, that's gotta be a battle that is just hard to win when you're a this age group. So if I had to give some good, you know, sort of advice, I'd be like, look, you've gotta pick some friends that you're gonna put up with some of their nonsense. Like, they're never gonna be perfect, no one's ever perfect. And but do they have your back? If somebody has your back or always there, like you need to put up with some stuff. You're not perfect either. Meaning, nope. We only hear one side of the story. I bet you're a pain in the ass on that side too.

Jackie 14:00

Like, you know, so like the five of us, we're not none of us are perfect. I'm definitely not.

Jennifer 14:05

I'm definitely not either. So but we also know each other's, you know, little quirks now.

Jackie 14:11

So it's not like our strengths and our yeah, yeah, but we're good for in the friendship, and exactly.

Jennifer 14:16

Right. And when one needs support, the there's a couple of us that are good at that part of it, or there's somebody else, something else, we're you know, there's a few more that are good at that. So yeah. But I think if we add anything from a group of five of us, which is uh an odd number, which basically is oh you they'll always say odd numbers generally won't work because you gotta pair off with people, right? And we have one one man out. We don't really have that problem.

Jackie 14:39

Like I was just saying, you two and you two, and I'll go sleep on the couch. We're going away for real problem with that.

Jennifer 14:47

I know. And I'm like, are you sure? I could sleep up there because I snore. I probably don't drive poor Michelle nuts. But uh, it's it's about balance and it's about finding some friendships and how women as mothers, you should, I hope, interact with your children a little bit, especially your daughters, about keeping these friendships um alive and well, you know, reminding them that a lot of life happens between the time that you're a teenager until your older age, and all of that can make a big huge difference about who stays in your life or who doesn't stay in your life. And if you have a really good friendship, a good core base of females in your life that can help you, that they're gonna be very important. And let's not toss everybody off the boat that, you know, all of a sudden says something you don't like, like get over it, you know what I mean? Like this lady yesterday, get over it. Nothing bad happened here. You just made a mountain out of a molehill and you know, you stormed off, she went off. But it's like, for what? What did you accomplish? You got nothing accomplished. You just basically had a tizzy fit and left. And you know, instead of being effective, you've been ineffective and now you're hiding in your house because you're mad at everybody. But you know, it's important to for us as women to to teach our girls that these things are important and to set some, you know, some boundaries too. Make sure you teach your girls boundaries. Like you don't have to be a doormat. I don't know if we would be friends with people that were just doormats. I mean, I think if you were gonna talk about the five of us, you could step on a stone that was a little too too far into our boundary lines. We're gonna probably hold a boundary line pretty quickly with you, and we know it. I mean, you know what I mean? We step on a stone, we're like, oh, that's not a good spot to go. I know I just talked to you about this with uh birthday present you got. Girls behind them were like, oh, we'll get this, we'll get that. I'm like, oh, no, we don't want to do that. You know what I mean? Like, there's a boundary line there, and they're like, How do you know? I go, because I've already stepped on the stone, we're not going there. So let's backtrack on that. We don't want to do that. That's not a good idea. So, you know, I'm telling you, let's skip that part of it. And I was right, right? So boundaries, boundaries are good. Boundaries are like what you put up with, what you're not gonna put up with, what's good for you, what's not good for you, how we step over the line sometimes and you know, do that kind of stuff. So I'm sure you've done it on your site, Jackie. When I'm not listening and somebody says something, you're like, oh no, I don't think that's a good idea. You know what I mean? Like it's not not a bad thing, it's just you know somebody. Like right. Like, Michelle. Let's talk about Michelle for a minute. A couple birthdays ago or something. You're like, oh, get her, I don't know what you were gonna get her. I'm like, you know what? Michelle drinks beer. Just get her a 12 pack.

Jackie 17:26

You're saying she doesn't like it. Oh, yeah, she's a flower.

Jennifer 17:28

So I'm like, no, no, no, no. She's not a flower girl. I wouldn't give her flowers. Just buy her a case of beer and she's gonna be a happy camper.

Jackie 17:35

And she was limes, beer.

Jennifer 17:39

Exactly. So, you know, we all have input. We all know each other intimately on some levels, and so you know, we go to we go to Chrissy and Jen a lot for Chrissy and Jen stuff too, because they know each other. They were roommates forever and close friends. So boundary lines are good, but you can do anything is teach them how to have some conflict resolution, please. Like, please teach your girls that just because somebody hurts your feeling, you do not need to, you don't need to end a friendship. Like, work through it because you're gonna need those skills later. You're gonna need them at work, you're gonna be at school, you're gonna need them in life, you're gonna even with your husband, you're gonna need to learn conflict resolution. You have to. If you cannot just throw fit and get your way, no one's gonna be your friend. So please, parents, mothers, teach our daughters these things so that later on they can handle that kind of stuff that comes up. And as the girls are going through, you know, kindergarten problems are pretty minor. First grade problems are pretty minor. They get into junior high and high school, it gets way more complicated. So if you're doing a lot of lesson learning in those few beginning years, as these little friendship things come up, you can help them navigate these things much better because as they get older, they have some sort of basis to go back on. So I would pay attention to even the little kindergartners with their issues and the first graders and the second graders, you know, that these are really just the little big little bits that come before before the bigger problems come. And the more you can help them navigate those at a younger age, the more they'll have. And I know we didn't get that very much. And, you know, thankfully we learn to be good friends, probably from having good friends, you know. We just by the grace of God, Jack, we learn how to be good friends because I'm not sure who else we had to help us with that. So, anyways, you want to go into the bestie rapid fire questions? You want to go first?

Jackie 19:18

Or what's something you wish someone taught you about friendship growing up? I think that it's important to have. Important to have, yeah.

Jennifer 19:26

Or that they're gonna be more important later. Like, hold on to that. Like, don't just let, you know, in particular, like you and I, we didn't have a friendship for like 15 years. Like, can you resolve that? Can you get to a better place? You have to let 15 years go by. I wish somebody would have stepped in a little bit for us on that and been like, why are you two not talking to each other a little bit more so that we could have skipped to not having some time together?

Jackie 19:48

So never let a guy come between it.

Jennifer 19:50

You never let a oh, please girls, please girls, do that at least. Your best friend doesn't like your boyfriend. Don't just discredit it as jealousy. Sometimes she's looking out for you. So okay, ready, Jack? Did you ever stay in a friendship because you felt like you had to?

Jackie 20:06

Yep. Out of obligation, yeah.

Jennifer 20:08

Time.

Jackie 20:09

Because I feel like they they were there for me when I needed them, but I wasn't really seeing that they then were bad for me after so much time.

Jennifer 20:17

Right.

Jackie 20:18

But then I eventually figured it out, right? Which was good for me to let that go. But yeah.

Jennifer 20:24

That's true. Jackie had a really good friend that was really kind of mean to her in a lot of ways, and Jackie just couldn't see it.

Jackie 20:31

Maybe because like I said, because she was there at a time that I needed her when I was divorcing. Right. And I had hard times with that person that when I was divorcing, and when I even before that, she was there whenever I was having problems with him. But it was more she was trying not to focus on her own problems, which you know, when I looked back as I matured, you know, because I was young.

Jennifer 20:54

Right.

Jackie 20:54

I wasn't seen, and I was just like, oh, well, she's always there, perfect, you know, because everybody else was busy. I understood, but she was always wanting to be there when there was a a conflict or a problem.

Jennifer 21:03

And yet somebody had told you, like, not not me, we weren't friends, but somebody oh, multiple. Yeah, close friend, yeah, said that's not a very good friend to you. Like they tell you.

Jackie 21:12

I think people try to tell you things sometimes, and you don't yeah, and I had people that I had just became friends with that would tell me, yeah, like all of a sudden, you know, she talks behind your back, and like they shouldn't have even had to tell me that.

Jennifer 21:24

Right.

Jackie 21:24

Where I started then started looking into it, and I'm like, wait a minute, you know, this there is something wrong here. Right, right. This is a one-sided friendship. Like she is talking about my back, she is saying stuff, and but then to my face, trying to act like she's there, you know, being, oh, I'm so sorry, that I'm gonna have helping you. And no, she was not. She was actually making it worse for me. Right.

Jennifer 21:44

So people did tell you. I mean, I that's the only point I want to point out is that it wasn't these people, there was people that were watching it that were like, and it wasn't me, guys, I wasn't involved, I wasn't there, but I was later, maybe, yeah, maybe, and I said something, I think. But in the beginning, when it was going on when I wasn't around, there was people telling you. And so, you know, as a parent, as a mother, as a person listening to this, is that is that if people are telling you things and you're like, no, I mean, you know, if they tell you one or two things, you're like, no. And you know, maybe they you know how somebody is and you're like, that's not what they mean.

Jackie 22:16

They're just you know it's just them.

Jennifer 22:18

It's just them. They just say shit like that. But you know, if you get enough inquiries about it, I'd start maybe paying a little more attention to it because you couldn't find out. Yeah. People are trying to help you or trying to protect you too.

Jackie 22:29

So and I'm telling you it just felt like a relief off my shoulders because it just I did notice afterwards too. Yeah. It was she was bringing me down.

Jennifer 22:37

Right.

Jackie 22:37

She was making it worse.

Jennifer 22:39

She was keeping you sick is what I saw. Like trying to anyway. Okay, you go Jack.

Jackie 22:45

Okay, what's one friendship lesson you are intentionally teaching your kids?

Jennifer 22:49

Mine is grace. I always taught my boys to have grace. Like don't don't and I had boys. I didn't have girls. I had a stepdaughter I'm not discussing that with her. There's a her mother would teach her those sort of things but from my kids' perspective it's like yeah they screwed up so what? Like be a good friend. Get back in there. You know I would I would encourage my children always to to be less reactive and to you know I was always good at pointing out my own children's issues like and you have never done that to somebody and you've never had that misinterpreted like if you want grace you have to give grace and you know I was always big with that with my children about something happens in a friendship. Well have you ever screwed up and did they ever forgive you? Because if they did then you deserve to be forgiven and they deserve to be forgiven in another shot. I'm not saying to take abuse but I am saying give grace. Like you screw up too they screw up you know it's not a perfect equation all the time. So that's the one thing I think I intentionally taught my children. What about you, Jack?

Jackie 23:46

Mine is always root for each other.

Jennifer 23:48

Yeah.

Jackie 23:49

Always always see the positive and root for each other and hope you know always tell them you're doing good, you're doing great. Yeah. You know, to make it positive. Yeah. You're good.

Jennifer 23:58

I think that's always good. It was like my children you're screwed up too. Don't be bad.

Jackie 24:03

Oh my god your boys are so good. Well because people love to hear it like you know like when they become parents they want to hear you're doing a great job. You're you know you're because they're always they're these kids now are always second guessing themselves. You know what I mean? Like oh you're doing great at your job you know what I mean but if they hear it from their friends or their peers they just it makes them feel better because they feel like they're always being judged by each other. Right. So much these days. So but when they hear it from each other they're just like thank you. But we can do it they're just like oh you're gonna say it because then you're my parent.

unknown 24:32

Right.

Jennifer 24:32

But do you think Jackie because one of your one of the ways you grew up is that maybe you gave that to your children more so too because you didn't get it as much, right?

Jackie 24:41

Oh probably. I'm positive. Yeah I don't think I got that very much at all. Yeah. It's just like it was so funny my son, oh my gosh. So we were we went to go see my grandmother had her hundredth birthday this weekend. That's amazing. Her birthday is this month but we're all taking turns because she doesn't want to party so um my husband and I with our daughter one of our daughters and our other son that was available we went this weekend to go see her and we were driving in the car and my son just made this remark and he said what was it exactly as I said it was okay. And he's like Mom who does that sound like and I'm like I don't know what you're talking about. And he's like you know you know what that who said that and I was like I know I no idea no idea and he goes don't you remember when we went on when I graduated from high school we went on that camping trip and you made it a really good dinner and you asked um nanny oh how did you like the dinner wasn't it good and he goes it was okay he remembered it and I'm like he remembered that and I was like and I was like you know what when Nanny says stuff like that I kind of let it go over my head and he's like because mom it was such a good dinner and I couldn't believe that's all she said was it was okay. Right. And I was just like well that that was what I grew up with.

Jennifer 25:53

Right like good just to I wanted her to say that was a great dinner.

Jackie 25:58

No no it was okay. It was fine. It'll you know as my husband says it'll make a turd that's his way of telling me that my cooking was but everybody else and he goes and grandpa was sitting there saying this is the most delicious dinner ever and everyone's like saying it was great and my mom's like it was okay but for my son to realize and still think about that. So when he says that now to him it's like it's rude. You know what I mean? Yeah yeah yeah for sure.

Jennifer 26:23

So I'm like good for him. He's protecting you. He's like can you imagine? All right Jack what do you think girls are taught to compete more than connect it just matters how they're raised.

Jackie 26:34

Yeah. But I think they are more these days for some reason. Yeah. Or even if yeah but I think it's kind of how they're raised but I think they are I think social media has turned it into a big competition.

Jennifer 26:44

Social media's definitely done that yeah some detriments done by the social media aspect of our lives that um is because we don't we didn't have that we just had the normal chit chatter you know the gossiping or whatever that happens at schools and you know you just get around because it's it's your day to take the shit and the next day somebody else takes the shit. So you kind of learn that as you're growing through life. You know today's my my day. Everybody's mad at me today so I'll just go home and tomorrow's somebody else's day. So yeah I think it's much more competitive than it used to be and this is maybe why before because of social media. Yeah social media is wrecking it. Okay go ahead what would have changed for you if you had learned boundaries earlier probably my sanity yeah I don't know if I had bad boundaries with friendship but I had probably bad boundaries with boys and so that's probably you probably earned that aspect too more so yeah it it'll it'll get you boundaries are important you gotta say what I'll put up with and what I won't put up with. But I had really good friends. I'm always gonna be grateful for that just for whatever reasons God grace sent me good friends. So I always had really good friends that were pretty supportive and boys on the other hand maybe not so much so you know maybe it took more abuse than I needed to in those but you like you know stomp on me twice now that's for sure right okay at the end of the day we can't rewrite the friendships that we had growing up but we can change what our daughters believe friendship is supposed to feel like confusing not one sided not something they have to earn but something that feels safe honest and mutual because if we teach them teach them that early they won't spend years unlearning what we had to amen to that. If this episode hit you in the feels or made you laugh way too hard we consider that a win.

Jackie 28:31

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Song 28:34

And when you're ready to make your friendship official book your bestimony at rhinestoneweddingchapel dot com because the best love stories don't always come with a ring We stick together eye or die to the moon and no amount of space could ever come between us two reuniting's like we never been apart and every single time we had an eye and heart a heart There's not enough words to describe what you all made a make to put eggs and ups and downs and this like you stayed right next to me I've bottom make you laugh I got a big deal it's good it's good to the baby hates we write in a toy every day we'll keep on the birthday for you to play the day it's trust loyalty loyalty