Women's Survival Maps | Why Best Friends Matter Most

When crisis hits, women don't need rescue—they need another woman who's been there. In this episode of Slightly Unsupervised, Jennifer and Jackie explore why best friends become platonic soulmates who share survival maps, not just advice. They dive into the specific moments when female friendship isn't a luxury—it's everything. This is real talk on the friendship that saves your life.

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Transcript

Jennifer 0:00

Hey there, I'm Jennifer.

Jackie 0:01

And I'm Jackie.

Jennifer 0:02

And welcome to Slightly Unsupervised. We're best friends, business partners, and the chaos behind bestimony, a ceremony we created to celebrate the kind of soulmates who don't come with a marriage license.

Jackie 0:11

This podcast is all about that friendship energy, the deep stuff, the messy stuff, and the laugh to you snort stuff.

Jennifer 0:16

So whether you're driving, folding laundry, or hiding in your car for some peace and quiet, you're in good company.

Jackie 0:20

Let's get slightly unsupervised. Today we are talking about why women need other women to show them the way forward. The power of female guidance, survival, and emotional wisdom. Sometimes a woman doesn't need someone to risk or her rescue her. She needs another woman to look her in the eyes and say, I survived this and you will too. Hey everybody. Welcome back to Slightly Unsupervised. Today we're talking about something women understand deeply but don't always have words for. Why women need other women to help show them a path forward through life. And this isn't about hating men. This isn't about saying men don't matter, but because they absolutely do. But there are certain experiences in a woman's life that another woman understands differently. The fear, the emotional weight, the invisible labor, the identity loss, the self-doubt, the survival mode, the reinvention. And sometimes when a woman feels completely lost, what gives her strength is an advice from someone trying to fix her. It's seeing another woman who already walked through the fire and made it out.

Jennifer 1:17

Right off the top of my head, I just want to say this that why women need other women to show them the way forward. I had babies at a very young age, 18 years old. I mean, could be worse, could be younger, but that was young when we were kids. One of the things that I really suffered from initially was I was alone on an island by myself, and I had no one to really reference to to see how somebody had survived it. And when something like that kind of happens to you, the thing that can give somebody the most peace and the most hope is to have another woman, another person who's been through that with you, has been through that, and she's, you know, in the same similar situation. See her walk through something and come out the other side and be like, I've made it alive, it's gonna be okay. And here's how I did it. And I know from my perspective that I had a time in my life where that was there was nobody, right? Jack, I was the only one having a baby, and there was no it was very new at our school.

Jackie 2:18

Mm-hmm.

Jennifer 2:18

It was. I think there was like maybe a one or two girls before me that had gotten pregnant, and they I don't think we ever saw them. I mean, I was still actively involved in school, my friends still I still graduated, like all those things, but I didn't have a playbook. We did not have 16 impregnant. It was not something that was available at that time. So there wasn't even anybody talking about it. In fact, it was kind of taboo to even have a baby. Like, you know, we don't even talk about the fact that you had a baby. So that's one thing that I know for sure that had another woman been in my shoes and showed me a way forward on how that would work would have been so amazing to have been to been around because I really didn't have a playbook for it. And there was no playbooks because it wasn't done that often. And so, um, and it would have to have been a woman, you know, to have that really resonate with me would have to have been somebody in the situation I was, which is having to raise this baby on your own. And how do you get this kind of stuff done? And um I became the what I became, interestingly enough, was the girl that did it. And then everybody's like that followed behind me that were having babies were like watching me. And I'm like, wait a minute, now I wouldn't watch me. I'm not sure I'm doing all this all right. You know what I mean? Like, because you become the one that's done it. And so they can rely more on what you've done because you at least you've walked through that to some degree. Have you ever had a situation where you felt like you didn't have anybody that would be a good representation of something you were going through, Jackie? Because I always look for women that have suffered something and I will deer towards them, be like, hey, how'd you get that done or whatever?

Jackie 3:47

I really didn't, except for my one sister-in-law, but she went through it differently. Like I really hadn't had anybody who had divorces when I started going through a divorce.

Jennifer 3:54

That's true. You were on an island by yourself because your family had always been married and um you were kind of in that circumstance.

Jackie 4:01

And my sister-in-law was in a whole different type of divorce that I wasn't gonna follow in her footsteps and the way she handled hers. So that was good though.

Jennifer 4:09

You had somebody in front of you that you could watch that you could see how it would work so that you knew what not to do, right? Those are still valuable lessons. Like I wouldn't want to do that that way. So that's good. Happy's men I think are wired differently, and we certainly have talked about them enough. I would listen to our men are from Mars, women are from Venus, or it's yeah, I think that's the way that's the way it goes. They fix everything, they solve everything, they they offer solutions to you, and we just are instinctively don't really need that. We need a lot different we need a me too. Like, here's what I did. I love people that will tell me what they did to get through a situation because you can mimic it. I like it in business, I like it in life, I like it in raising kids. Every aspect you can do. Give me a woman that's done it, tell me your story, and I will be inspired. I love a good story. Do you get that way with the people that like will tell a story about how they survived something and you get inspired, or are you more like take some pieces and parts of it and be like, okay, here you did that, but I'm gonna do it my own way? And like I get inspired by people's stories all the time. I just do.

Jackie 5:11

I think I take pieces and parts of it.

Jennifer 5:13

You don't get like yeah, real wrapped up in their their B2 B2 thing.

Jackie 5:19

No, I'm different than you in that way.

Jennifer 5:22

That's okay. That's why we talk because they're two different women with two different things going on. So, you know, women carry invisible emotional weight. We just do we carry so much more invisible emotional weight than most men. That's why a woman when a woman tells you, Jackie, I'm exhausted, and you hear it in her voice before she knows, like when a woman says I'm exhausted, I'm exhausted. It doesn't mean that I'm exhausted today, it means I'm exhausted.

Jackie 5:48

Like life has got something I need to learn to say. I that's my I'm bad at that.

Jennifer 5:53

Are you?

Jackie 5:54

Yeah, I'm really bad at like admitting that.

Jennifer 5:56

But if you said it, just say like I'm exhausted, like we were out last night, I'm exhausted. Like, okay, you're tired. I'm exhausted when a woman says it, another woman's like, I hear you, girl. You've been carrying it all because you've been carrying it too, and you know it's like you're not exhausted, like I need to go to sleep today. You're exhausted because you've been carrying it all time. And so another woman will understand that way more than a guy will be like, Well, what you need to do is you need to take some vitamins and then you need to go to sleep, and tomorrow you'll feel better. Solution and another girl's going, that's what she's saying. That's not at all what she was saying. What she said is she's got too much.

Jackie 6:34

My husband, that's my husband. Just take a little nap, you'll be fine.

Jennifer 6:37

Because it's literal. I'm tired, I'm exhausted. No, oh, okay, you're tired. You need to go take a nap. No, that's not what I mean, dude. So that's another thing. Women understand that way more because she's carrying the load and she's tired. And good luck. Good God, she needs a break. Okay, women need proof that survival is possible, you gotta have some women in your life that come around that say, survived it, you will survive it. When you went through your hard times, Jackie, did you have any women that not during it, but like after it, there were like hope that it could be done. Did you have any of I know your sister-in-law went through it when you were going through it, but did you have anybody like had survived something and you were gonna go through it and go, okay, well, they made it out. Did you have anybody like that to think about when you went through your crises? Not really.

Jackie 7:18

No, there was nobody like not anyone that I could not a success that I could look up to type. Not the people I was around, no.

Jennifer 7:27

Did you know anybody when you were going through, let's say, your divorce? Did you know anybody that had been divorced and had rebounded and gone on and had a pretty good life at that point? Like it could happen that way.

Jackie 7:36

No, really. I did not. Mainly all my friends were still married, or you know, think about it. Yeah, that's true.

Jennifer 7:43

You were pretty uh I did their divorce, you gotta call me, I'd be like, eh, you'll be all right.

Jackie 7:48

Yeah, but that's when we weren't really talking. I know.

Jennifer 7:51

We know, we know that.

Jackie 7:52

But different.

Jennifer 7:53

Yeah.

Jackie 7:54

But no, everybody else, and then then the ones that had it, it's like they were still a lot of them, some were still separated or some were still and then they were just being like hoes.

Jennifer 8:05

And there's a hoe period after divorce that women go through.

Jackie 8:08

Yeah, they're well, no, uh which I you know had my fair share of, you know, dating and stuff, but just they were just not something I could look up to, I guess you could say. Right.

Jennifer 8:18

Like, right, right.

Jackie 8:18

Like something that I wanted to be, I guess you could say.

Jennifer 8:21

Yeah, there's a difference for the future.

Jackie 8:23

I had two sons and I wasn't gonna make them be disgusted with me or think any less of me.

Jennifer 8:28

Sure.

Jackie 8:29

So I had a certain way I I acted and was. I wanted them to still respect me and think the best of their mom. So and they do. So yeah.

Jennifer 8:37

Well, I mean, you didn't act like a hoe. It could be you could be start dating or whatever. I mean, you you just even really started dating because I know for sure that you weren't like dating a bunch of people and then married the guy that you ended up with, you were with him at a young age, and that was it. Like you hadn't even really had any dating experience, right? I don't remember you on a dating experience.

Jackie 8:58

No, and my husband even makes fun of me because I would say, Oh, I hooked up with him. And my idea of hooking up was, and you guys make fun of me, was when you kiss somebody. Right. He's like, That's a wizard, like, that is not what hookup means. And my husband now would be like, gosh, for a while there, I thought you were a real like like you hooked up, like yeah, all kinds of people. And I'm like, No, hook up is kissing. And he's like, Oh no.

Jennifer 9:22

No, that's not what that means. I'm like, okay, yeah. When did we say that when we're kids? Did you get with him? That would just meant like kissing, right? Or I don't know.

Jackie 9:30

I thought kissing this is hookup. That's I guess I found out that's not what that is.

Jennifer 9:35

Jackie had to learn that lol did not mean lots of love. Someone's parents would die on Facebook and she would be like, sending love. Lol. And I'm like, is she laughing out loud? Like somebody had to finally tell you and be like, dearest Jackie, notice in some very unappropriate places, you're writing LOL. What do you think that means exactly? Lots of love. No, it means laugh out loud. And when these people's parents die, you shouldn't write that. Like, it's not a guys. I was just a little behind. He needs to use her Google more often about what that means. Anyways, women will give you more information. I know when I was going through mothering and there was um divorce or whatever, I had a friend that was older and I was very good friends with her. She was probably my best friend for a lot of years because she could relate to me. I had another mother that was had some kids, and so our kids were growing up, we were the same age. So it was very important to find somebody in particular in my situation that was going through that. And so also she had been divorced. So things were easier for me, and finding that, oh, okay, you get divorced, you can live through that. You know, it's a very tough position to be in. So women will look for other women and go, okay, is that possible? And look at it differently, right? There's a aspect to it. So women don't just share a voice, they've they share their survival maps, and that's the truth right there. Women just don't share advice, they share the survival map. You can get through this, this is how it works, this is what happened to me. I love women that will share their stories with other women as a survival beacon, like, hey, you can get through this. I do that a lot because I was in that position once where I didn't have anybody that could give me any advice or tell me if they could survive it when I had my child. So I'm always like, hey, wait a minute, look over here, I can help you. Like I've had some experience here. So I do that a lot because of that, probably because I had that. Um and you may not do it as much, Jackie, because you don't like you said you don't really have any instances where you went through it. You didn't have any guidance. So it may not be that. For me, it's like I know what it feels like to not know. So I want to tell people as much as I can what I know so that it can help you to some degree.

Jackie 11:41

I learned from people how I didn't want to be, I guess. Right. Yeah. So that was good. At least I had that.

Jennifer 11:46

Yeah.

Jackie 11:47

True.

Jennifer 11:48

Yeah. You you got through it a differently, but that's the purpose of this thing. But you know, women see a woman start over, she see they can see her heal, they can see any of that. That's a strong woman just doesn't save herself when she saves herself, y'all. She unconsciously gives other women permission to survive too. And 100%. I'll give strong women this a hundred percent. I have watched it, I have learned from people, and you're right, they unconsciously give the woman permission to survive it too, and it's super important. So um, female support is a lot of like honesty without cruelty, encouragement without pressure, accountability without judgment, listening without fixing. That one I have to work on. Helping without controlling. Might be another one I need to kind of get over that. But anyway, women don't always need solutions and rescuing, saving. Sometimes they just need witnessing, reassurance, perspective, and emotional safety. And God bless the women of the world because that's where you get those things from. Find a woman that you can find some of that with and give her that because one, if you give it, then you'll receive it. And the second is if she doesn't have that, she's gone to her significant other, whether it's a husband, a boyfriend, or something, and he has told her how to fix it. Take a nap, you'll feel better when you're done. You'll be less exhausted. Again, it's a woman understanding a woman's perspective and how important that is because that's not what she's saying. What she's saying is something totally different.

Jackie 13:11

Okay, Jeff, let's go into a rapid what's one moment another woman changed your perspective on life.

Jennifer 13:17

I had a friend in high school, and uh she was way, way, way more advanced in her maturity emotionally than I was ever. She's and one thing she said to me one time was when one door closes, another one opens, kind of thing, and she was right. And she gave that perspective to me long ago, and what felt like an absolute crisis was like another door will open, you'll be okay. And I've sort of held on to that in my life, and it's been true. So for sure, I'll give her credit for that. It went on, young, and I had more crises, many more crises, and it was like it was a beacon to to hold on to. So I'm excited about I was thankful for that. All right, Jackie, why do women emotionally understand each other differently?

Jackie 14:02

I think due to uh the combination um at an early age, what we're taught and learn socialization, brain development, and hormonal influences, and how we're raised, raised to be a certain way.

Jennifer 14:14

Like yeah, we the dance of Jackie just sidebared Jackie's communication. Jackie's watching Mad Men right now. We just had this conversation before we got this on podcasting, and she is yes, but I'm hooked because I can't, I can't believe it.

Jackie 14:28

It just is in it just and my husband says, like, we need to stop watching this because it's just offending you so much. And I'm like, I just can't. And he's like, I think this is exaggerated. I'm like, it better be exaggerated.

Jennifer 14:40

The way women were treated in the 60s. 50s was it, 50s and 60s? I think it's the 50s and 60s. It's 60s.

Jackie 14:47

61, my husband was saying. But uh, yes, I am very appalled. It's awesome. He's very upset about this. So um, I keep hoping it's gonna change. Like there's gonna be some change in it. Like we're gonna come ahead, and it's not happening yet.

Jennifer 15:02

Yeah, I don't I don't want to set it up for you, but you might be mad until the end. Okay, Jimmy, your turn next. What kind of female support feels the safest? Someone's there to to lean into that's just there. I don't know how to say it. Just somebody who's just there. Unconditional, non-judgmental, uh consistent. All those things, just there, like somebody who's just there. Yeah, you can pick up the phone in a crisis and be like, I need five minutes of your life, and she's like, What? Talk, talk. You're like, okay, and you can talk, and then she can witness it and be like, Okay, you got it out, you okay? Like, okay, goodbye. And that's it's so important. I can't express that enough for women. Okay, Jack, go ahead. I just did. Why do women often hide? No, wait, why do women often hide low how why do women often hide? Yeah, why do women often hide how overwhelmed they are?

Jackie 15:53

I think due to sea deep-seated societal expectations, fear of judgment and the biological drive to protect others before themselves, which is me. The superwoman expectations. Fear of the world.

Jennifer 16:09

Where did you get super women? Where did you get superwoman expectations from?

Jackie 16:13

Is they expect us to be superwomen to take care of everything. Like that's what I feel like I'm like I have to do. I've taken care of the kids, the home, the grandkids, the, you know, even though the husbands take care of the work. I mean, I understand that, and that's a lot for them. It is true.

Jennifer 16:29

It's a load. But even though you you learn that from your childhood, my friend. You learn that from taking care of those brothers of yours.

Jackie 16:36

And I still feel like I need to do it. That's I've been molded to do that as an adult, even even though I don't have I mean, I work with you. I do have, I mean, people will say I don't have a job, but I do.

Song 16:48

Mm-hmm.

Jackie 16:50

There's stuff I do. I'm also a podcaster. I mean, I weekly have to do this. That's right.

Jennifer 16:56

That's right. And don't you forget it, girl. It's a process.

Jackie 16:59

But just love thinking with this.

Jennifer 17:02

Yeah, there is. Don't think we just stand here and talk. There you learned it. You learned it. You were you were primed for it.

Jackie 17:10

So you there's also a fear of negative consequences.

Jennifer 17:13

Mm-hmm. So you got in trouble if it didn't happen, right? That's why it's all built into your psyche when you were a child. So that's where yours comes from.

Jackie 17:21

Okay. Have you ever felt stronger just seeing another woman survive something hard?

Jennifer 17:27

Just said it. Absolutely. I I get inspired. Like, you go, girl. I'm on this thing called masterclass. I I listen to them, and 99% of the time there'll be some options, and I'll pick the girl. I'll be like, you tell me what is going on. How did you survive this? Because even in the world of business, I know that women have a different perspective than men. Women survive it differently than men. You cannot you cannot relate the two together. We have a much tougher time in the workforce. So when a woman is gonna talk to me about surviving something, I'm all in, girl. Tell me about it. Because I know it's much more relatable to what I'm going through than this dude over here that's just talking about how he suffered with, you know, getting up in the morning or something or whatever his problem was. It's like it's not the same. It's not the same, it's not even close. All right. Why do women need emotional witnessing?

Jackie 18:11

Because it establishes crucial emotional security and is a key factor in deepening relationship bonds. Yeah.

Jennifer 18:18

It also makes you feel like someone's listening to how you're feeling versus what it looks like you're doing.

Jackie 18:24

Yeah. Yep. Yep. It's true. What's the difference between fixing someone and supporting them?

Jennifer 18:29

I want to do both.

Jackie 18:31

Fixers jump into problem solving. Mode right away, often offering unasked advice. Oh yeah.

unknown 18:42

I hear you.

Jackie 18:44

I'm just saying this to you. Or feeling people how they should fix their situation. Right.

Jennifer 18:49

Supporters solution for you. Okay. Yeah.

Jackie 18:52

Supporters practice active listening. Instead of jumping to conclusions, they ask for clarifying the clarifying questions.

Jennifer 19:01

My area of working on how to fix something. How to be supporting without fixing. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know how to get out of it. I just am naturally that way. So I can just be quiet, but it makes me feel like I used to be more of a fixer, but I've really gotten good to be a supporter. You have. You have to work on it.

Jackie 19:17

I'm good at just sitting back and listening. Yeah. Trying not to do I get myself into trouble.

Jennifer 19:24

Yeah. Probably wise. Probably wise. I I should probably just start listening more than talking.

Jackie 19:28

Why do female friendships become more important with age? You love this one.

Jennifer 19:32

Yeah, because we need each other. Shit. Yeah. Dude's gonna die pretty quick, and then you're gonna be just a bunch of women. Well, by the way, girls, I want to tell you that we've inspired somebody, my daughter-in-law's mother here for a few days. I was hosting her because my son lives down the street, so she stays with me. So I have a bedroom here, an extra bedroom. So anyway, so I was telling her about this story about us all going to these um the retirement home together that my friends and I have a pack, and that's where we're going because we were talking about retirement planning and stuff. I'm like, the guy was telling me about all this stuff. I'm like, listen, when he's out, then I'm going. So totally inspired her. She sent me a message last week. She's like, by the way, I went and saw my friends from high school, and we've made a pack too. We're all going to the retirement home together. I'm like, Woo! You go, girl. Mostly because it gives you something to look at.

Jackie 20:19

We don't want all this competition in the old folks' home, though.

Jennifer 20:23

I know. Well, because we're gonna have a reality show of ourselves. We're just gonna be taping ourselves with these old women and all over our things.

Jackie 20:30

So just think of how much fun that would be for people to watch us, just like saying how we feel, like just saying it out loud. Like my hundred-year-old grandma just seems to run the less. Uh, she just says whatever. She does not care.

Jennifer 20:43

We do that now, and I get in trouble. So it would be nice to be in a place where I'd be like, oh, she's just old.

Jackie 20:47

That's why she's done. You have to be a hundred years old. My grandmother says whatever she wants and she does not care. And nobody, we just always say, She's a hundred, just let her say it.

Jennifer 20:56

Just let her say it. Yeah. I just came into it early, guys. Okay. What's the one thing women desperately need to hear from each other?

Jackie 21:04

Okay. First of all, I'm gonna say love you. Because I do, I love when we all say love you to each other, like when we hang up and stuff. You're not failing. This is genuinely hard, and you do not have to carry it along. Right. And that's I have a hard time like telling you guys when I'm having a hard time. Because I always want everybody to think everything's hunky dory. Right. Which is and I have to learn that.

Jennifer 21:25

Yeah, you gotta learn how to do that.

Jackie 21:27

You can dig yourself into a problem there when you don't do that, so for sure. And I do. I'm the one that does dig myself into a hole. Yeah.

Jennifer 21:34

So you gotta just learn to know. I mean, one thing, if anything, Jackie, is you know that we're gonna, you know, dive in with you. Like you're not going into that hole by yourself. So for sure, you know, women are good for that. Okay, last one. What kind of women leave the biggest impact in on other women's lives?

Jackie 21:52

Like strong women. Yeah. The wanting to see your potential when you feel yeah invisible.

Jennifer 21:58

Yeah. I think that's Part of it, like somebody who goes, you can you're capable of that, you can do that, you can do this, you can do that. Like that's such an empowering empowering thing to have. And women that have done it and can have gone through it and can come out the other side and be like, You got this, come on, keep going. There's so many women with strong women. I love strong women. Women, I love a strong girl. Like some women are intimidated by her, but I'm like, read it up, girl.

Jackie 22:23

Let me hear it. Ones who choose collaboration over competition. That's a good one. You like that one? I thought you'd like that one.

Jennifer 22:31

I don't know.

Jackie 22:32

I hate competitive women. Yeah, I don't like competition. When you're in friendships, it's like that's such a turnoff to me. Like as soon as like I have if I like I make a new friend and like she seems in competition, it's like bye-bye. Bye-bye. Like, I just don't need I don't, I'm not, I have no I don't want to be in competition. Oh I hate family members that get in competition. I understand if we're playing games, I get it.

Jennifer 22:54

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Jackie 22:55

I'm gonna compete with you. Yeah, no problem. But it's like not in life. No, no, no, no.

Jennifer 23:02

All right, in closing, I think one of the most powerful things women can do for each other is remind one another that survival is possible because life will break all of us in different ways at different times. And when a woman is exhausted, grieving, scared, lost, betrayed, overwhelmed, or rebuilding, what often helps her most isn't somebody trying to rescue her. It's another woman quietly saying, I've stood where you're standing, and I promise you there's life on the other side of this. That kind of wisdom matters, and that kind of support matters because women don't just help each other heal, we help each other imagine a future again. And sometimes all it takes is to change a woman's life, is another woman seeing that woman and finding her strength to keep going. If this episode hit you in the fills or made you laugh way too hard, we consider that a win.

Jackie 23:45

Be sure to subscribe, leave a review, and share it with your ride or die.

Jennifer 23:49

And when you're ready to make your friendship official, book your bestimony at rhinestoneweddingchapel.com.

Jackie 23:54

Because the best love stories don't always come with a ring.

SPEAKER_01 24:10

We stick together eye or die to the moon, and no amount of space could ever come between us two. The reuniting's like we never been apart, and every single time we're either eye and heart to heart.

Song 24:44

Through heartaches and ups and downs and this life you've stayed right next to me. I've ought to make you laugh till you cry. Look at everything under the moon. The definition of a best friend. It's good. It's good.

SPEAKER_01 25:19

And we'll keep painted to the rest. Whatever craft it same page with writing a story. Everything will keep on going.

Song 25:50

What you made. Do I taste the bats and dance and display right back to me? It's good. It's good. Trust us loyalty. You and me love trust. That says loyalty.