When Your Best Friend's Marriage Breaks | A Friendship Podcast Guide

How to Help a Woman Through a Marital Crisis | Supporting Her Without Losing Yourself 

One of the hardest things in the world is watching someone you love slowly break inside a relationship… while trying to pretend they’re okay. 

In this deeply honest and emotional episode of Slightly Unsupervised, Jennifer and Jackie talk about what it really means to support a woman through a marital crisis — without judging her, controlling her, or losing yourself in the process. 

Drawing from their own experiences with divorce, heartbreak, emotional survival, and supporting friends through painful relationships, they unpack the complicated reality women face when marriages begin falling apart. 

They discuss: 

•  Why most women stay silent in the beginning 
•  The emotional weight women carry during marital struggles 
•  Why telling her what to do too quickly can backfire 
•  The difference between support and enabling 
•  Why women often stay longer than people understand 
•  How to help a woman rebuild strength and confidence 
•  Why peace becomes more important than happiness 
•  The loneliness, fear, shame, and identity loss women experience during divorce 

Jennifer and Jackie also share personal stories about divorce, emotional exhaustion, protecting children, learning to stay neutral, and the difficult balance between wanting to rescue someone and simply standing beside them while they find their own strength.

When your best friend's marriage is crumbling, how do you show up without losing yourself?  Jennifer and Jackie explore what it really means to be a platonic soulmate during marital crisis—the emotional labor, the boundaries, and how to stay grounded while witnessing her fall apart.
 
Because sometimes the most powerful thing a woman can hear during a hard season is:
 

“You are not going through this alone.”

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This episode of Slightly Unsupervised was brought to you by the creators of Bestiemony®—the original friendship ceremony that proves soulmates don’t always come with a marriage license. Hosted by Jennifer and Jackie: best friends, business partners, and co-founders of the movement celebrating real, ride-or-die love.

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Transcript

Jennifer 0:00

Hey there, I'm Jennifer.

Jackie 0:02

And I'm Jackie.

Jennifer 0:03

And welcome to Slightly Unsupervised. We're best friends, business partners, and the chaos behind bestimony, a ceremony we created to celebrate the kind of soulmates who don't come with a marriage license.

Jackie 0:12

This podcast is all about that friendship energy, the deep stuff, the messy stuff, and the laugh to you snort stuff.

Jennifer 0:17

So whether you're driving, folding laundry, or hiding in your car for some peace and quiet, you're in good company.

Jackie 0:22

Let's get slightly unsupervised. Today, how to help a woman through a marital crisis. Supporting your friend without losing yourself. One of the hardest things in the world is watching someone you love slowly break inside a relationship while trying to pretend they're okay. Hey everyone, welcome back to Slightly Unsupervised. Today we're talking about something incredibly important because at some point in life, almost every woman will either go through a marital crisis or love someone who is. And the truth is, when a woman's marriage starts falling apart, she's usually not just losing a relationship, she's losing stability, identity, security, routine, dreams, confidence, sometimes even herself. And as friends, it's hard to know what to do. Do you give advice? Do you stay neutral? Do you tell her to leave? Do you tell her to stay? Do you step in? Do you stay quiet? Today we want to talk honestly about how to support a woman during one of the hardest emotional seasons of her life without judging her, controlling her, or or abandoning her while she figures it out.

Jennifer 1:24

Yeah, so I uh I asked Jackie if we could do this because I'm actually in the middle of this. And um I really wanted to talk about it because I think it affects a lot of women, and um there's a woman going through it, and then there's a woman on the outside trying to support somebody that is going through it. And um I know Jackie has, you know, went through a divorce and had this and had to do pretty much on her own, really. You did. And I went through a divorce when I was much younger as well, and had to do that on my own a little bit too. So it's, you know, we come with some wisdom for it, but there's the other side of it, which is the side where you're the support system for somebody that's going through it and and how to how to kind of navigate that in a way that you are supportive, but not taking over um sort of a role in that that, you know, how do we how do we navigate that? So we're gonna lean heavily into this um outline that we do today about it because I think um we we should give as much information as we can. I certainly am gonna absorb this information as much as I can because as I have said, that I have um somebody that I know going through this right now. Now, Jackie, before we get started, do you have anybody that you could think of? I know you had your own divorce and we will probably touch base on that to some degree, but do you have anybody that went through a marital divorce that you were kind of in a position of trying to be supportive and understanding where your role was in that?

Jackie 2:52

Do you have any Oh yeah, definitely. Actually, before I went through my divorce.

Jennifer 2:56

Okay.

Jackie 2:57

So um it was actually my sister-in-law.

Jennifer 3:00

Oh, okay.

Jackie 3:01

Um, that I was very close to.

Jennifer 3:03

Um in the same family unit that you were in. I mean, that was your core family.

Jackie 3:08

And um I was watching her, and I actually, when I went through mine, I did not want to do what she did. So you learned something from that. I learned something from it, and it was hard to give advice. I mean, um I had to stay away from saying it, and and there was a lot of things that were going on because I was on both sides of it. I was close to my brother-in-law, and I was close to her, and I knew what was going on. Um it was so, so hard.

Jennifer 3:37

Yeah. And you don't want to be like, you don't want to like, you know, I'm a person that'll take over your problem, be like, I got this, we'll sort it out, we'll figure it out, you know, let me just handle it. Because you can't do that, right? This is an emotional situation, and you have to be like, I don't know the inside of that marriage. I just am trying to be a good human right now and be supportive of you. But I don't think women going through things alone is a healthy is healthy either, right? Like lean in, lean into some women. Um, women understand women's positions better, women understand women's roles better, women understand women's needs for emotional support more. That I think you you gotta find some women in your world when you this is going through it. Men are okay, but there will fix your problem. You you just solve it, solve the problem and go on. Like, you know, we've talked about that many times in these podcasts that women are different in this regard. So, anyways, all right. What women most women don't talk in the beginning. What women often hide their marital struggles for a long time before they say anything. And um why? Because it's embarrassing, it's shameful, your fear, you have you are protecting your family image, you're not wanting to hear I told you so. There's a lot of confusion in the beginning, and you're hoping and improve. Uh, I mean, I'm listening to this because you and I have both been divorced, and I can 100% attest to that. Those are the things that you typically feel when you are.

Jackie 4:59

You do want to add to it though. I think they should have added a financial instability because you do worry about that. Yeah. And you want to protect your children. Right. Yeah. For sure. There's children invite involved. You definitely want to um do that.

Jennifer 5:14

Yeah. Women in particular will be uh very concerned about how the children behave or how the children are affected by yeah.

Jackie 5:22

You don't want any trauma, you don't want any, you know, then just their family breaking up. You just worry about that. You want it to be perfect for them, and right you don't know what's gonna happen in the end. So I know a lot of I know I was trying to protect my children. That's that's why I say the longest it that was mainly the children. Right.

unknown 5:41

Yeah.

Jennifer 5:41

There's a lot of women, we've said it before, you know, women will self-sacrifice. It's it's in us. We were we were raised to be self to self-sacrifice, you know. The woman is always the one that makes the first changes or that puts herself out there to have to endure the most pain because she holds a lot of, but she feels the emotions, right? And gentlemen are built differently. We've it's these are not things that are new, it's just the way that men are built. They don't think like that in terms of like, not necessarily, not that every man would be not concerned about his children, of course he would, but you know, they're they're just different. Women and men are different. But by the time she tells somebody, she's probably drowning emotionally. And that's the truth that you're not gonna get somebody who's just pretty much talking about it in the beginning. She's now past a point where she's now considering this has got to be a marriage that's gonna break down, and you're getting you're getting involved later. Um, and most women don't speak about their marriage breaks, they usually do it, they carry it alone anymore, really. And you gotta be be mindful, watching out for people. I mean we're around husbands and women all the time. Um, I know you do too, Jackie. Like I am a perceptive human and I can almost I know when things are off. Does that make sense? Like, hmm, something feels weird in that one right there. Like I don't have any proof. I just I I could feel, you know, when something doesn't feel right to me.

Jackie 7:08

So mine's not a feel as I'm getting older. I just I sit back and I I listen more. I guess I guess it kind of is the same way. It's just um like my husband says, I'm quieter than I used to be. I listen. Like before I talked a lot. And as I'm getting older, I listen. So I can hear the little induendos, I can hear like, you know, couples when they're your things like things are off like that, you know, behind under their breath, or you can hear when they're like when you're at a party and and or a gathering, you know, a family gather. You can hear what someone's saying to another friend, you know, or a neighbor. And it's like, well, that wasn't very nice to say about your wife to that person. You know what I mean? Right. Um, so yeah. You're being observant, you're in a more observant person.

SPEAKER_03 7:57

I am. It's weird. And then sometimes I'm just like, why am I just walk away? Don't sit there and keep listening. You really don't want to hear this. I know. I don't want to hear it. Because I'm gonna go instead of going home. I tell my husband, I know.

Jennifer 8:15

He likes to talk, so he'll talk to you about it. I tell my husband he's like, but I don't care. Like, anyways, the next part is don't in don't immediately tell her what to do, right? So your friend, um, you can't jump in, you can't be like, leave him, you know, you deserve better. He's trash. Like, these are not things you immediately tell somebody to do has just told you this. Like, I'm with you, girls. I'm like, dude's a moron, let's get rid of him. Like, I'm willing to say it all day long, but it's an emotional time, and it's probably time for you to stand back and be like, all right, like we need to let you have your emotions and process those way more than you need to hear my advice right now. And I have a harder problem with Ajackie, um, because I am one of those people that wants to protect and fight and keep you keep you safe and get you out of something. But you know, you and I have been married been through marriages, and when you do tell somebody initially when that's sort of going through, I think what you just need is just someone to listen, right? And just kind of say ask some questions, help you kind of process, like help help a woman process, be like, well, what are you feeling? Like, what are you doing without judgment? If you could do that, if you can give somebody that, it's such a powerful experience to have because what she's really doing is she's talking through it with you, and she is finding out on her own too, as she's talking, you know, like how many times have you had a conversation with somebody, Jackie, and you talk, you start saying something you've been thinking, but you're actually just processing what you're what's been in your head the whole time and you're saying it out loud, and then you hear yourself, and then you're like, okay, I I see that differently now, or that that that looks different now that I've said it out loud, and I know more about what it is I'm feeling. Have you ever had that happen? Yeah.

Jackie 10:09

Definitely. Believe me, there was just there was one one person that I knew that I knew the other person was cheating, and it was just so hard trying not to say, because I know that person wanted to work it out with her husband, and it wasn't my place to say anything.

Jennifer 10:28

Right. Uh yeah, you gotta be careful in these things.

Jackie 10:30

Yeah, but it's like it's like I wanted to say, hey, nope, he's a cheater. You just need to leave. Right. But that wasn't gonna help me because I knew with uh her beliefs, her religion, everything. It's like she came from a place where no, I'm gonna work this out no matter what, I'm gonna forgive him.

SPEAKER_00 10:49

Right.

Jackie 10:49

We can make this work. So it's like I knew I needed to just sit back and not say anything and like just be there to listen.

Jennifer 10:57

Right.

Jackie 10:58

And if it's gonna work out, it's gonna work out, but it wasn't gonna help me by being the person that told what was going on.

unknown 11:05

Right.

Jackie 11:06

Believe me, it was eating me. It was killing me because as a friend, you know, I feel like my place is to tell you.

Jennifer 11:15

Right.

Jackie 11:16

You know, but right I knew deep inside I shouldn't because I know how she felt was because I I felt that she knew, but she didn't want to say it either. Does that make sense?

Jennifer 11:29

She didn't want to say she didn't want to tell you, or she didn't want to admit to herself.

Jackie 11:32

She didn't want to admit it.

Jennifer 11:33

Yeah.

Jackie 11:34

Like I think she knew everybody knew, but she didn't want to say it. So it was like, okay, then it's not my place to say it to you. You know, put it back out there for you. Like you're feeling it, but you want to work your family out.

Jennifer 11:44

Right.

Jackie 11:45

Yeah.

Jennifer 11:45

Right.

Jackie 11:46

You want to make everything work.

Jennifer 11:47

Yeah. And you don't know. Like you could step in, like, I could be like, let's fight, son of a bitch. How can get rid of him? That guy's an asshole. In the meantime, what you're thinking in your head is, I'm trying to make this thing work. And all of a sudden I'm an enemy, right? Now because I have said the thing that has offended you and you haven't processed enough to know where you're going with it. So if I jump in with my opinions immediately and say this, this, and that, I now become enemy number one, even though I didn't mean to be.

Jackie 12:17

And then they get back together or they stay together, and then all of a sudden you lose that friendship with both of them.

Jennifer 12:22

Yeah, exactly.

Jackie 12:24

And I like the friendship. I mean, even though it would always be awkward, but it's still like if they're it's a good friendship, it's a good friendship. I right you know, I don't know.

Jennifer 12:32

You've gotta you've got to allow for some of that. You cannot just assume because somebody's unhappy they want to get divorced. Maybe they want to work on it, maybe they're trying to work on it, maybe they're looking for some, you know, ability from you to see, you know, how did you work your marriage out? You know, we always have a lot of we have a lot of experience if you've been through a divorce, and some people know you've been through a divorce. They're looking for you to give them some points of view.

Jackie 12:55

And I and I don't have a problem. If you know, if if some people, if someone cheats on you and you want to work it out, and it you might have a better marriage after that. Some people can do that. So I I'm not to judge. You know what I mean? That's your choice, right? So I don't want to be that person that chooses what you want to do with your marriage. You know what I mean? Yeah, it might be stronger afterwards. Maybe that's that's great. So I don't want to be that that the judge person, the person's gonna judge and tell you what you should do.

SPEAKER_00 13:23

Right.

Jackie 13:23

Um, I'm more power to you. I'm that's awesome. Right. You know what I mean? Right. Whatever makes your your marriage stronger. That's how I look at it.

Jennifer 13:32

Yeah, I think I think that the just the point of this is not to force your timeline onto our healing either. Like, don't I'd shut up immediately, shut up. Like um, unless you ask specifically about you know, if somebody like I'm I'm in this situation right now, this is why we're doing this. But like if somebody says, Well, do you think he's controlling? That's a narrative that you're like, mm-hmm. I'm gonna answer it because you asked me. Yeah, guy's controlling. Tell he's a trolling, he's probably a narcissist. Like, at least, like, if they ask specifically, I think it's okay to give some information. It's just projecting on them, like you know. Exactly. So, you know, someone might be looking for some clarification, they might need some support on that. And and I believe in that circumstances, give them some information that they're asking and then end it. Don't be like going on forever about it. Like, give them some time because there's a lot of time in the beginning, and you've been through divorce, I've been through divorce, no, you don't know. It's like you're not just getting divorced, you're changing your entire life, right? Your entire life is changing, not in a normal way. It's not like tomorrow my life keeps going on without this human. An entire adjustment happens, and so it's scary and it's rough, and women, we need time to uh process that, and they need time for someone just to be there and just not overcomplicate it and just give them a soundboard, somebody that can just be like, here's what I think. If you ask me specifically, I'll give you my answers. If you just need to talk, I'll talk. I'm not gonna give you what I think you should do, and you should I really don't think you should know give somebody what they should do. This person that I'm in with right now. She told me about something, and I met with her last week and we talked about it more. But I said to her, and this is probably there, and I'm like, when you're strong enough, you'll know and you'll be able to do something. You're working on it and you're getting better, but you need strength for this, and you're not you're not strong enough right now to do this. So whatever it is you think you're going to do, you need some you need some strength within to do it. And I nobody can give you that. You have to come to terms with it. And Jackie, of anybody who knows that you need some strength to do something is you when you were in a relationship that you had to divorce from, that you had to find your internal strength. Everybody couldn't do it for you. You had to come to terms with it, right? Like I tried before she got married to end that because I could see the writing on the wall to some degree. Although, you know, you never know.

Jackie 16:02

We were a lot young, we were immature, so we didn't know how to say anything.

Jennifer 16:07

Yeah, definitely. But it took your strength, right? You had to come, you had to get strong enough. Everybody around you could tell you, but until you were ready, you couldn't do anything any faster than you could come to terms with it. Like you have to come up with some strength, and that's what I keep telling her. I'm like, keep going to your therapist, keep working on yourself because you seem to be somebody who needs to find your strength. She's been they've been married since she was 19 years old. She's like our age, right? So it's a long time to be under something that has been your world.

Jackie 16:40

That's kind of what happened to me. But luckily I was in my 30s.

Jennifer 16:45

Right.

Jackie 16:46

So I and but I had to totally get away. I mean, I literally had hit bottom and then get away from him for like a what, like a month to figure it out. Like I had to hit bottom and just get away.

unknown 16:59

Right.

Jackie 16:59

I mean, I even had his own family saying that to me, like to get away. Like that's pretty bad.

Jennifer 17:05

Right. But that's what she need. That's what she needs. She can't get away. Somebody just keeps clinging to her and she just can't, there's no movement for her. So um it's hard. So what actually what actually helps a woman in crisis, I think it's as important. These are practical support matters. Check in and around consistently, help with her kids if she needs it, get her out of the house. This is my role right now. I get her out of the house. I, you know, she calls it jail, we'll get her out of jail for a while. You can bring her food, you can sit with her. I think sitting with her is so important. There's somebody else there. Help her organize her thoughts. I did that. I was with this person yesterday. I did a lot of that. I'm like, well, what happens before that? What happens? Like, organize your thoughts, you know, help her, help her start to feel like a human again. Like, there's life after this. Like, all I can do is say I've been through this and there is life after this. And you just have never had any life experience on your own. And and today's day and age, even with my kids, I'm like, get some life experience before you get into a marriage because you need to know what is cap what you're capable of and what you know, because people jump into marriages too soon. I feel like, especially kids end up in these situations where they don't they've never had a minute by themselves. They don't know anything about we had at least that, Jack. We were on our own quite young.

Jackie 18:22

So yeah. That was my friend Kathy. Kathy would like get me out. Did she?

SPEAKER_00 18:28

Mm-hmm.

Jackie 18:29

Diverse always like check on me and be like, come on, we're gonna do something, or she'd even just come over to the house.

Jennifer 18:35

Right.

Jackie 18:35

So I wouldn't be alone. And then so he gets home, she's like, I gotta go. Yeah, but she'd just be there, you know, just to keep me, like not, you know, keep my sanity like uh you're not gonna be the Stepford wife. Right now you're gonna have fun, and then when he gets home, okay, I'm out of here. Let's go. I'm gonna go. But hey, you just had some fun.

Jennifer 18:54

Maybe she gave you like maybe she gave you a little bit of hope that life gave you contrast, right? It was like some fun, and then it was like, oh, this is what I got myself into. But you know, somebody that's giving you love and support, and then oh, this is what I get into. So contrast can be good for that, I I think. So um here's one that I have to work on. Always don't make her marriage your identity. So I want to rush into help. I just do. It's my nature, it's it's a it's a blessing and it's a curse. It is for me. Um, so don't get too overinvolved, emotionally consumed by it. Don't get angry for her. She's got to come with her own anger, right? I've said this. Like you'll find your strength when you do. When the anger comes out, you'll know. Um, and don't invest the out in the outcomes. Invest in the outcomes can be a problem. You can really get yourself sideways with a friend when you are thinking, you need to get divorced, you need to get divorced, you need to get divorced, because this guy's a jerk, this guy's a jerk, and then she's like, I think I love him and I'm gonna stay. And you're like, What? Yeah, you can't do that. You cannot do that, y'all. So walk beside somebody, but don't drag them around. Like you're just there to help. And there's a loneliness in crisis, in the marital crisis, you know. Um, a woman in crisis affects your confidence, your femininity, your identity, your emotional safety, your future planning, your self-worth. Let me tell you, a good man will make you feel like nothing. No one's gonna love you, no one's gonna take care of you, nobody wants you and your kids, nobody thinks, you know, all the things that a guy will tell you or make you feel that if you don't stay with him, these are the things that will happen to you. And um, Chuck Keys can probably identify with this. And you start to believe him. And all we can do, and all I can do for the person I am involved with, because she's been with this guy since she's 19, she has no life. She went from her parents' house to his house to his control. So all I can say is that there's a whole other life out there, y'all. Like, even if it isn't the most blissful and you don't find somebody else the rest of your life, you might find that what you want more than happiness is peace, right? That's what I say. I said you don't want happiness, you just want some peace. Like, you want to just wake up and it's not a crisis every day.

Jackie 21:06

Yeah, start with peace, then happiness comes.

Jennifer 21:09

Yeah. You can't have you can't have happiness if you don't really have any peace in your life. So um help her rebuild her strength. That's all you can do. You can just keep reminding her she's in survival mode. This friend of mine's in survival mode. She's she's clearly in survival mode, and just help her laugh, reconnect, like talk about something else a little bit sometimes too, you know. Like give her something, like your friend Kathy. We just talked about that, Jackie. Your friend Kathy came over and she'd spend some time with you, right? And she you probably felt like some relaxation, some like joy. And then she's like, Okay, Mr. What's his name's home? I gotta go. And then you would the contrast would be there be like, shit, this is not, this is this is what I want out of this. There's gotta be something better. I mean, did you think that? Like, there's gotta be something better than this. Yeah. That's how feel I think any woman feels when she's in that that situation. So we just wanted to give you some pointers, you know, and kind of read through that. So we'll go into our besty rapid fire questions. Jackie, you start.

Jackie 22:13

What's the biggest mistake people make when helping friends in crisis?

Jennifer 22:17

I think the biggest mistake is voice your opinion too soon. Be careful. Yeah.

Jackie 22:23

I put immediately trying to fix the problem or offering unsolicited advice.

Jennifer 22:28

Yeah. I uh I'm I'm good at doing that, so I gotta I gotta be mindful of my gotta keep my mouth shut sometimes. Okay, Jackie, what makes a woman feel emotionally safe during hard seasons?

Jackie 22:38

Loyalty, keeping the secrets um to yourself until they figure it out. Yeah. For sure.

Jennifer 22:46

I'd say you gotta trust that this person that you're involved with is not gonna sensationalize your problem for their own gain. You know what I mean? Like I'm here, I got some gossip you should have heard what so and so you know like it in there for you.

Jackie 23:02

Why do women isolate during relationship struggles?

Jennifer 23:05

Because it's embarrassing because it's a here's the thing about divorce that I always said to people it's failure. Right? There's a failure in a marriage that ends. You failed at succeeding at the task and you went into it thinking you know I I know my first marriage and I was young and there's not I have nothing bad to say about my ex-husband. He's a nice guy just spent time with him my son got married not that long ago we're fine. I don't want to give that up I was just too young to be mature enough for that. But my mom said to me before I got married she's like I don't think you should marry that guy. And I'm like why she's like because I think you're outgrow him and I'm like you don't know what you're talking about, mother. You don't know anything about anything. So when that fell apart, you know I had to live not only with the failure of the marriage is like that's what my mom said would happen. So that is even more annoying because you don't want anybody to be right about something. So um we isolate because we are embarrassed. We don't know what's gonna happen. We're the only people in the I can tell you this when you're in a divorce you will feel like you're the only one going through it and you have these unique situations and nobody else has. Trust me other people have been through it. Jackie has an interesting divorce story and uh we know a girl and she was telling us her story and she kind of had head down telling us and I kept throwing my head over to Jackie and I was like this sounds like your life they weren't exact but they were very parallel to it. So you're not the only one. This is not unique. Every woman some woman has gone through what you're going through you've tried to find some people that understand you.

Jackie 24:47

Okay Jackie what kind of support actually helps um support of neutral sounding board rather than a relationship expert.

Jennifer 24:55

Yeah exactly there's a fine line between it because you want to be neutral and then you want to be supportive too because if you just say well I don't know I don't know like it can also feel to me at least when I was having this conversation yesterday is like am I supporting you or am I just like agreeing with you and then I throw you throw a little support in there once in a while I feel like otherwise they're like so you think all that's true. And if you don't say you'll survive you'll live you'll be okay like some of that is not true.

Jackie 25:29

Because we're not experts we're just right but do you have to give we went through so here's what I can tell you but it doesn't mean it'll work for you but you know right right here's my what I've two cents on a $7,000 problem.

Jennifer 25:45

Okay you're next Jack.

Jackie 25:47

Have you ever realized someone was struggling before they admitted it? Yeah of course I just said the I'm perceptive and some still have not admitted it.

Jennifer 25:56

No. Some won't until much later in life and you'll be like I could saw that coming a while ago but you know you do whatever. Okay why do women sometimes stay longer than people then people understand they should yeah I'd say that that's true. Kids and the failure of it right you get a mark on your record of I didn't fail I didn't complete that like that wasn't successful.

Jackie 26:23

Well yeah yeah because I come from a family that my grandparents lasted my parents lasted and I know they went through a lot of stuff that's like I felt like okay I I gotta make it through everything too. That was in my head also for my kids for everything. And it was just like finally came to a thing that I'm like my boys are gonna end up being the same way and they're gonna treat women like this and I'm like no right women like this. Right.

Jennifer 26:50

And just good I mean you you saved a lot of heartache for them later down the line because they got out of a situation where they saw that so that's good. Good for you, Jackie.

Jackie 26:58

Yeah. What's the difference between support and enabling?

Jennifer 27:03

Well support is when you support them. Enabling is when you help the crisis continue. You know I know that from addiction too like Yeah you can enable people to stay in their addiction by supplying the things they're trying to get rid of or you know being involved in it more than you do. So you gotta there's a fine line between support and enabling. You gotta really study that to make sure that you don't do it and it is for me especially as a person I am because I want to solve everybody's problems I have to be careful in this one um because I'll take your problem on and then I can enable you to be in that so it's it's something to watch. It's something to study and make sure that you're not doing it because it it's easy to get sucked into it.

Jackie 27:48

Okay Jackie how do friendships help women survive emotionally being there for them to talk to cry etc yeah vital emotional lifelines a space for authentic self-expression yeah for sure again women understand women better than men understand women so I think that they can help you um for sure.

Jennifer 28:10

Okay Jack go what should you never say to a woman during a marital crisis uh leave that son of a bitch oh my god I hate him giving premature advice taking sides or passing judgment is what I said you're saying exactly yeah I'm saying the line exactly believe his ass oh my god that guy's been such a dick I can't believe you stayed married to that son of a bitch for that long he is such an asset fucking phone stop talking to him we're being honest we're things these are things yeah you got to hold that you said that to me before people that's why I can I'm quoting her to the exact word this is what I was trying to get her not ever date him so anyway so um shut your mouth this is not the time for your opinions just be very neutral and you're this one's for you all right what's one thing every struggling woman needs to hear okay I've got it you can do this you're strong enough you don't need anybody if you want to do this alone we'll do it like strength give a girl some strength and tell her she's not alone in her problem that is something a woman needs to hear because it can feel isolating and alone okay I think the most powerful things women can do for each other is simply refuse to let another woman disappear inside her pain. Not fix her not control her not force her just stay beside her while she finds her strength again because marital crisis changes a woman it shakes her confidence her identity her sense of self her sense of safety sometimes even her ability to trust herself in those moments what matters most usually isn't advice it's knowing that someone sees your pain and doesn't walk away from it. Real friendship says I may not have all the answers but you're not going through this alone. And honestly sometimes that kind of support becomes the very thing that helps women survive long enough to find herself again. Because women are strong but even strong women need somewhere safe to fall apart sometimes. If this episode hits you in the fills we consider that a win be sure to subscribe leave a review and share it with your ride or die. And when you're ready to make your friendship official book your bestimony at rhinestoneweddingchapel dot com because the best love stories don't always come with a ring.

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