ADHD, Giftedness, or Both? How to Tell What You’re Actually Experiencing

If you’ve been wondering whether you have ADHD—or finding yourself relating to more and more content online—you’re not alone.

Awareness of ADHD, especially in women, has grown rapidly in recent years. And for many, that has been incredibly validating.

But there’s also a quieter reality that isn’t talked about as often:

Not everything is ADHD.

In this episode, I slow the conversation down and bring a more nuanced lens to what we’re actually looking at—because while there is real overlap between ADHD and giftedness, they are not the same thing.

And when we don’t understand the distinction, it can lead to confusion… or even misidentification.

Drawing on both clinical frameworks (including DSM-5 criteria) and years of experience working at the intersection of giftedness and mental health, I walk you through:

• What ADHD actually is—and what has to be present for a clinical diagnosis
• Why increased awareness on social media has been both helpful and misleading
• How traits associated with giftedness can sometimes look like ADHD
• The key differences in attention, motivation, and cognitive processing
• What it looks like when someone is both gifted and has ADHD
• Why emotional regulation is such an important—and often misunderstood—part of this conversation
• How to begin thinking more clearly about your own patterns without rushing to a label

If you’ve ever felt like parts of the ADHD conversation resonate… but not all of it—or if you’ve wondered how someone can be both highly capable and deeply inconsistent—this episode will help you make sense of what you’re actually experiencing.

Because understanding yourself accurately is where everything begins.

If this episode resonates, you may also want to listen to Part 1 of this series:

Why So Many Smart Women Are Only Now Realizing They Have ADHD

RESOURCES & LINKS

• Take the quiz: Are You a Gifted Woman?
• Sign up to receive my Sanctuary Letters
• Book a complimentary Flourishing Call if you're curious about working together
• Follow me on Instagram: @dr.andrealein
• Learn more: andrealein.com

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Transcript

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In the last episode, we talked about why so many smart, high-functioning women are only now beginning to recognize themselves in the conversations about ADHD. And one of the most common responses I've heard was parts of this fit, but I'm not sure what I'm actually looking at. Today I want to slow this down a little bit more and bring some clarity. One of the challenges right now is that awareness has increased very quickly and kind of dramatically over the last several years, but the nuance around it hasn't always kept pace. There's a lot of voices out there, a lot of information, and sometimes, like a lot of the things out there on social media that you hear, it can get a little confusing. It can leave a lot of thoughtful, high-functioning women like yourself wondering: is this me or is it not me? And this is something I've spent many years working with, particularly at the intersection of giftedness and mental health, where profiles don't always fit neatly into traditional categories as we typically think of them. So what I want to do today is just bring some clarity to what can otherwise feel like a very confusing conversation. I think you will find this very helpful. Welcome to the Power to Flourish podcast, where science meets the art of a beautiful life. I'm Dr. Andrea Lyon, positive psychologist, giftedness expert and coach, and modern-day spiritual godmother to brilliant, deep-feeling women. This isn't just another self-help podcast, it's a sanctuary, a sacred space to come back to yourself. Each week we'll explore the emotional experience of gifted, sensitive women and what it means to live a life that feels as beautiful as it may look. Because flourishing isn't a luxury. It's your birthright, and your life is waiting. This is the Power to Flourish Podcast. So I talked a lot about ADHD last week and why so many high-functioning women are beginning to either self-diagnose or realize some things about themselves that might be attributed to ADHD. But I never really defined it. So before we go further into talking about giftedness and the potential overlap with ADHD, I want to be very clear about what ADHD actually is clinically. I don't want to assume that you know this stuff, right? Because, like I said, right now there is a lot of content online. Not all of it reflects how ADHD is actually defined. So let's start very simply. ADHD, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, has been around for a very long time. It is classified as a neurodevelopmental disorder, meaning it reflects differences in how the brain develops and functions. And like anything, when we talk about the brain, there is a spectrum, right? There's not like a clear demarcation line where we're in North Carolina and then we cross over and we're in Virginia. It just doesn't work like that, like most human traits. Clinically, just to give you the official definition, it's defined as a persistent pattern of inattention andor hyperactivity impulsivity that interferes with functioning. So let's break this down. There are 18 possible symptoms total, at least as I record this in 2026 based on the most recent DSM. So nine of those symptoms are related to inattention, and nine are related to hyperactivity and impulsivity. For children, there need to be at least six symptoms present. But right now I'm going to speak generally to the adults in the room. But you might have a kid and you might be wondering if they might fit this. So I just wanted to be clear. They need to have six symptoms. For adults, it's at least five symptoms from one or both categories that need to be present in order to get the diagnosis. So here are some examples. Inattention, what does that look like? It might look like difficulty sustaining attention. It could look like trouble finishing the tasks, disorganization, forgetfulness, being easily distracted. It could also be difficulty in initiating focus and attention to complete the task. What does hyperactivity and impulsivity look like, especially in adults and women? It could look like internal restlessness. This is very common for women, like racing thoughts, talking very quickly, interrupting, and difficulty slowing down our waiting. So here's the part that I think often gets missed with a lot of these things that get popularized, especially on social media. It's not just about recognizing a few of these traits in yourself. Again, we are all human. There is natural variation, there is a spectrum of things. And we live in a world where we are all just fighting to keep our attention focused because of all the things and all the technology, right? So we live in a world that makes it hard for pretty much every human, I would say. If you have a few of these treats, that means you're human. For a diagnosis of ADHD, these patterns must be present for at least six months. They need to show up in multiple areas of your life. So when we're looking at children, that means it's not just at home. It's got to show up either in home, in school, maybe after school activities. It's not just one place. In adults, same concept. For adults, it's really important to keep this in mind. These issues, these symptoms need to have been present in some form before the age of 12. And most importantly, they must interfere with your functioning. Now, you might say, well, that can be sort of qualitative, right? And it's true. There's severity, again, there's a spectrum. And you might say, this really feels like it interferes. And at different stages of your life, we're going to talk about this more, especially for women. It may seem to interfere more than at other times. So conceptually, again, the patterns must be present for at least six months, show up in multiple areas of your life, be there before age 12. And they have to interfere with your work, your relationships, your ability to manage daily life. So ADHD is not just about relating to a checklist of symptoms. And I will argue that I think a lot of diagnoses, even done in your pretty typical medical office, if it's just a checklist, I don't think that's as comprehensive as some of the other ways we can get at this because it's more than just the checklist. It is also about the degree, persistence, and the impact of those patterns. And this is where things get even more complex because many high-functioning women do relate to many of these traits, but we've also developed ways to compensate for them. Am I right? So for some of us, from the outside, everything may look quote unquote fine, but internally it can feel like it takes a lot of effort, there's inconsistency, or it just is overwhelming. Another piece that's important to understand is that there can be overlap between ADHD and giftedness, but they are not the same thing. These are two different conceptualizations. I will get more into that in a minute. In some cases, individuals, especially bright, thoughtful, verbally strong women, can be misidentified or misunderstood if we're not looking carefully at the full picture. This is also true for many, many gifted children. This is something that's been discussed in the literature for quite some time, including the work on the misdiagnosis of gifted children and adults, where traits like intensity, curiosity, or uneven development can sometimes be interpreted through a clinical lens without fully accounting for the cognitive profile. And like I said before, human attention and emotion exists on a spectrum. It just does for every human. So the goal isn't to pathologize every experience, right? But to understand where patterns become impairing, not just present. And that's where a diagnosis can lead to really effective treatment, if that's the path we need to take. So let's now talk about this overlap where a lot of confusion happens, especially not just with the layperson, but certainly even with professionals. Because giftedness, let's face it, this is not something a lot of people generally learn about, certainly not in medical school. We might understand high intelligence on some level, but this is just not something that people really do deep dives in. I mean, there's so many other things to learn that it's just simply gets skipped. So let's look at some of the traits that can look very similar when we're talking about behaviors that are associated with ADHD and behaviors associated with giftedness. And a lot of this information I am pulling from a really wonderful resource if you're interested. If you're really interested in this kind of thing, one of the books I have is The Miss Diagnosis and Dual Diagnosis of Gifted Children and Adults. And it's a wonderful, wonderful resource. So if you're a professional out there and you want to learn more about this, or even if you're not a professional, I highly recommend this book. Here are some of the behaviors associated. I'm gonna first read the one for ADHD and then the one for gifted. So with ADHD, poorly sustained attention in almost all situations. What does that look like in giftedness? Poor attention, boredom, daydreaming in specific situations. ADHD, diminished persistence on tasks not having immediate consequences. Giftedness, low tolerance for persistence on tasks that seem irrelevant. I'm laughing because I I can relate to that. ADHD, impulsivity, poor ability to delay gratification, giftedness, judgment lags behind intellect. I'm gonna add my two cents on that. The judgment can often lag behind intellect, especially when we're looking at children. ADHD, impaired adherence to commands to regulate or inhibit behavior in social contexts. Giftedness, intensity may lead to power struggles with authorities. ADHD, more active, restless than normal children, gifted, high activity level, may need less sleep, psycho motor, overexcitabilities. That's a whole different thing I can get into in a in another podcast. But basically these look and sound very similar. ADHD, difficulty adhering to rules and regulations, giftedness, questions, rules, customs, and traditions. So, okay, I'm gonna review these in a minute. But as you can see with that, there's there can be a lot of confusion, especially for you know a parent or a middle-aged woman who's trying to figure this out for herself. Let me just review really quickly again some of these areas. Selective focus, high curiosity. That can look like jumping from topic to topic, right? That can look like ADHD behavior, but that is also something that can be seen in someone with giftedness. Mental intensity, it can also look similar to appearing distracted. Uh, there's asynchronous development, and then there's emotional sensitivity. So it's a lot to disentangle. It's really not an easy process. A gifted person may struggle with focus because something isn't engaging enough, because they're highly intelligent. And the work, for example, the school work, or if we're fast forwarding into adult life, the work is is just boring. It's just not, it's not complex enough. It's not engaging. Well, someone with ADHD may struggle with focus even when it is important to them, even when it is engaging to them and they're motivated, right? So giftedness can mimic ADHD, and it's important to know that ADHD can hide, quote unquote, hide inside of giftedness. I have worked with many women over the years, young and old, who were incredibly capable. And for the adult women, you know, often extremely successful in their careers, who wondered if they had ADHD. What often happens, and I've worked with so many families and so many young people who, again, like I shared last week, who had a diagnosis of ADHD. Their child gets diagnosed with ADHD. And then one or both of the parents, you a lot of the times the moms come to me and go, Oh my gosh, I see these things in myself. I had no idea it was ADHD symptoms, right? And then they start on a path in their, you know, adulthood, figuring out what that means for them. And sometimes ADHD was part of the picture. But other times, what we were really looking at was a highly gifted cognitive profile combined with environments that just weren't well matched, how they function best. And this is very true for a lot of gifted children as well, that can get misdiagnosed as having ADHD. So that distinction matters because the intervention, the support, and even the way we understand ourselves can shift significantly depending on what, you know, what it is we're actually seeing. Again, all of this is also very, very true for gifted children, not just adults. So there can be that this fine line and and a misdiagnosis. Someone who is gifted gets diagnosed as ADHD, someone who has ADHD maybe gets missed for some reason, or you know, again, I'm gonna talk about when there's both. You can be gifted and also struggle with ADHD symptoms. And when we see that profile, one of the terms that we use to describe someone like that, and it's not the only form of it, but we use this term twice exceptional. The shorthand, we call it 2e in the field. So you can Google 2e, see what pops up. So this is where you have giftedness combined with some other uh I'm gonna call it just another label of some sort. So it could be giftedness with ADHD in this case, it could be giftedness with a learning disability. I can do a whole podcast on that if you're interested. It could be giftedness with a processing speed issue or giftedness with autism. It could be it's like giftedness and another thing. I mean, for some people, there's multiple things, but we just refer to all of that as twice exceptional. So, what does this look like when both are present? Here are some ways it can present that person who is gifted, but also truly has ADHD. It can look like high insight, high intellectual capability, but inconsistent output. It can look like really big ideas, amazing ideas, but difficulty executing and like a pattern of that over time. And you can imagine for people like this, it can be very frustrating. It can look like hyper focus, which is very, very common, especially for ADHD, but also the intensity that of focus that can come with someone who's gifted, and then also these like patterns of avoidance cycles. It can also look like someone who is really, really capable, but easily overwhelmed. And then finally, it can look like someone who, again, has these big ideas, great ideas, a really strong start, and then inconsistent follow-through. I have worked with so many, I would say the majority of people I have worked with clinically in the past, fit this profile of 2E, not necessarily always ADHD gifted, although a lot of them, like I said last week, a lot of them have the diagnosis of ADHD. And I try to explain, because you can imagine it's very frustrating to feel like you think you're smart, you're you're pretty sure you're, you know, pretty intelligent, you understand things pretty deeply, you know, you can understand complex things, but you just consistently through your life struggle to translate all of that into consistent action. It can, it almost feels like you're, you know, like gaslighting yourself. It's like, what's wrong with me? Because in these situations, the way I've described it to a lot of the clients I've worked with in the past, it's like you feel like you have a Ferrari. I am not a car person, but right, like you have this amazing car. It is a high-caliber car. But for some reason, you know that car should be able to do all these amazing things and drive really fast and all the things. But because you're not putting in the right fuel, you're not experiencing in the car what you think you should be experiencing in that car. Like there's a mismatch, something isn't working. It's very frustrating. And a lot of people very naturally, especially if they have no idea what this profile is, they have no one has explained it. They haven't been evaluated thoroughly, they just have no idea. They internalize this belief, this story, whether that's from messages of other people or just their own self, looking at the data of their own life and saying, there is, you know, there's something wrong with me. Another thing I want to touch on, because I think this is extremely true for gifted women. And I think it does play a part. There's so many things that play a part in the fact that women, so many of them are just now realizing and getting diagnosed appropriately, I think, with ADHD, is there is masking that often happens, especially for gifted girls, gifted women, like we've talked about last week, where the high intelligence can compensate for some of those struggles for a while. And for some people for a long while. And depending on how taxing or how complex your work is, you your intelligence can compensate for a lot, right? Or there's like this last-minute success. Or other people see the final product, which is amazing, but they don't see like all the effort that you put into it. So those are all just examples of what can happen when you've got a highly intelligent person also coupled with the ADHD diagnosis, where they can um the ADHD can just get missed and it's overlooked. And like I said last week, especially for girls, because they tend not to present with this more externalizing, you know, hyperactivity, impulsivity. I mean, they certainly can. I've I've worked with many women who who do present that way, but generally speaking, um, it it can look like this more kind of daydreamy, forgetful, you know, not following through on things kind of vibe. So one last piece that I really want to bring attention to, because this has been something the research has, I think, elucidated even more probably over like the last decade or or so, much more than a few decades ago, is that one of the key markers with ADHD is emotional regulation difficulties. So some of the more recent ADHD research has shown that between anywhere between 30 and 70% of adults with ADHD also experience emotional regulation difficulties. So we often, you know, understandably because of the name attention deficit, we we think more in terms of attention. So a lot of people don't realize that there are emotional regulation issues that often come along with it. We do see this a lot with kids. Some of this, again, this is a neurodevelopmental disorder. So some of these issues, ones can sort of quote unquote, you know, like grow. I don't want to say grow out of it, but mature, you know, develop healthier, more mature skills, which is a wonderful thing. Like we can learn. But what I mean by the emotional dysregulation, what we often see a lot with kids, especially the ones that are maybe a little more impulsive or hyperactive, is Is that there's emotional impulsivity. So there's like fast reactions. There's emotional lability, which it's talking about sort of like the rapid shifts in emotions. Like you're really, you know, in a good mood at one set one moment, and then like the next minute, like something could set you off and you're in a mess of tears. And it's it's not bipolar, it's it's just it's ups and downs of emotion related to ADHD. And just a general like difficulty down regulating the system. So you're kind of like either like say you're running hot emotionally, or said another way, once the emotional response is there, like once it's been fired, um, and again, there can be sort of fast reaction there, it can take longer for their system to settle. So as it relates to relationships, you know, stress, just quality of life, you could see how this could be really, really challenging for someone with ADHD. Now, when we talk about gifted individuals, that emotional intensity does also exist. We've talked about that. There is emotional intensity that is, you know, documented with a lot of gifted folks. That doesn't necessarily mean the same thing as what we're talking about with the ADHD. So the emotional intensity could be around like there's more awareness, there's more sort of like deeper reflection, there's meaning making, all the things that I've talked about a lot on this podcast on previous episodes. And it's not that, you know, one group feels more than the other, per se. It's that the mechanism is different. So I don't want to oversimplify it, but one way to think about it is like with ADHD, there's difficulty regulating the emotions. And with giftedness, it's a depth of processing, it's an intensity and a depth of processing emotions that we typically see. Now, again, you could be gifted and also have difficulty regulating your emotions, and it may not be related to ADHD. It could be someone who's gifted and has trauma. So, like I said, all of these, the, the, the diagnostic profiles, it's so nuanced, which is why I have a personal problem when people tell me when I they say they got diagnosed with something. And I hear how they got diagnosed, especially with ADHD, because it's so common and you know, everyone, you know, you generally are going to just their primary care doctor. And I don't mean to throw them under the bus or anything, but when I hear stories of when their children are, especially for children, are getting diagnosed based on like a couple checklists, you know, to me, as someone who has done full neuropsychological evaluations on children for ADHD diagnosis, there's so much more information that we ideally are getting, including very specific tests of attention that we have it's just there's a whole process to get very clear because there's so many other things that we need to rule out. So when someone doesn't go through that whole process and they're just, you know, prescribed a stimulant and, you know, you can't say, oh, well, I took the stimulant and it worked. So therefore I must have ADHD. Stimulants work for everybody. They they work for everyone. It's a stimulant. We're all going to respond to the stimulant in the same way we all drink caffeine and it's a stimulant, and we all, you know, generally have some similar reaction to the caffeine. Just because you feel stimulated taking it doesn't mean you have ADHD. So anyway, I'm getting on a on my little pedestal here. I just want to really paint the picture of how complex this can get because there are so many things that could be happening. And if you are a woman and you are a high capacity, you think of yourself, you know, as a gifted, highly intelligent woman, and you're hearing all this information about ADHD and what it looks like in a woman, it can get very confusing. So I just want to put that out there. Again, this episode is not here to rush to any particular label. I'm certainly not here to, you know, try to get you to get a diagnosis of some sort, but it is to educate you so that you can begin to try to understand your patterns more clearly. Or if you're really if you're really struggling, then I do recommend that you go see a professional, ideally a professional who is well-versed in this, and ideally, ideally, someone who is not just well-versed in diagnosing ADHD, but specifically with highly intelligent people. And like I said, I think I said earlier, there is a high overlap between high intelligence and and ADHD, and it can get a little confusing. So you may be listening to all this and you may see yourself in one, you may see yourself in both, you may see parts of these things in you. And um, I hope that it doesn't confuse you. I hope that it at least gets you curious. Labels can be helpful when they bring clarity, but they can also be limiting when they're applied too quickly or without enough nuance. And what matters most to me is that you understand your patterns as accurately as possible. Because when you do, you can begin to create a way of living that actually supports how you think, feel, and function. And that does not necessarily mean that you have to get treatment and get medicated unless you really want to try those things and see if it will help. But there are lots of ways to create a way of living that supports how you are wired, whether it's as a gifted woman, whether it's as a woman with ADHD, or a woman with both. That is much better and more supportive than trying to force yourself into a model that was never designed for you. That is my hope for you. And for many women that I have worked with, that shift alone, that perspective shift, is where things can really begin to change. So I hope that this episode taught you something new. And maybe it didn't, or maybe you have tons of questions. I would love to hear from you. You can send me a message by clicking the link below. You can send a direct text message that will get to me. I won't be able to respond to you, but you can send questions my way through that link in the show notes. You can also DM me on Instagram. And if you haven't already joined my newsletter, The Sanctuary Letters, you should get over there because then you get little snippets of whatever is on my mind in the week delivered right to you every week, and you have an automatic way, just hit reply, and you can always communicate with me that way too. So I love hearing from you guys. And lastly, if this resonated, would you share it with a woman you love who you care about, who might be wondering about this, or maybe you're just like two friends who, you know, share ADHD content with each other. I have some people in my life who I do that with, so it can be sort of fun and humorous, but I would love for this information to get out to more gifted, intelligent, creative women because there is a lot of confusing and even misinformation out there. So I want this to be a starting point. I may do more episodes like this if there's interest. I would love to hear from you. I hope you have a wonderful week, and until next time, keep flourishing. Thank you for listening to the Power to Flourish podcast. I hope today's conversation left you feeling more seen, more supported, and more deeply connected to yourself. And if this episode resonated, would you take a moment to subscribe, leave a review, or share it with a friend? It's one of the best ways to help this work reach the women who need it most. You'll find show notes, links, and resources from today's episode at powertoflourish.com. And now just a quick reminder: this podcast is for educational and informational purposes only. It's not therapy, medical advice, or a substitute for professional support. Listening doesn't make me your therapist or doctor. So if you're looking for a coach, you know where to find me. All right, beautiful one. That's it for now. Until next time. Trust yourself. Honor your guests.