His story

In this deeply personal kickoff episode, we hear his story--Jason--one that begins in a small Indiana town and weaves through the joys and griefs of growing up with a father battling Huntington's Disease. From childhood wonder in the church to answering a call to ministry, through the halls of Kentucky Mountain Bible College and into a first marriage shaped by damaging theology and military life--this is a testimony of calling, heartbreak, healing, and redemption. You'll laugh, reflect, and maybe even see parts of your own story in his.

Thanks for pulling up a chair at Table for Two. If you enjoyed today's conversation, we'd love for you to join us on Facebook! It is where we share behind-the-scenes updates, chat with listeners, and keep the conversation going throughout the week. We'd love to see you there.

Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction
• 0:35 Theme Song
• 1:06 Light-hearted Question: Childhood beliefs
• 3:28 Call to Ministry
• 24:08 Military Service & Marriage
• 31:48 Finding Healing Through Ministry
• 35:48 Closing
• 35:56 Theme Song

Transcript

Ep1 His Story - Transcript

[00:00:00] 

Introduction

Jason: Today we're kicking off our very first episode and it feels fitting to start at the beginning. My beginning. 

Nicole: I've heard the story quite a few times, and every time I feel like I learn something new about you. So you know, I'm, I think I'm gonna join everybody and pull up my own chair and. 

Jason: Well, this is my story show, uh, growing up in Indiana, walking through my dad's Huntington's disease diagnosis, answering my call to ministry and navigating a season of life that includes beauty, heartbreak, and everything in between.

This is table for two. Thank. 

Theme Song: Through storms and swallowed on noise. Church keys and hand copying mugs are light held together by grace. And a few hugs they said she submits. We said we both do. It's not about ladders since mi, you serving the kingdom one and gene laugh lines and cows hands and holy routines.

This. For two, there's room for you. Pull up will tell the [00:01:00] truth, love, and faith with the side. 

Childhood Beliefs

Nicole: So before we dive into your story, I wanted to ask, what is something totally ridiculous that you believed as a child? 

Jason: Totally ridiculous. Mm-hmm. Other than the Colts were gonna win the Super Bowl, other than I was a Cub fan, that's pretty ridiculous.

I was a Cubs fan for most of my childhood. I'm still a pacer fan. Still believing. I mean, those were pretty ridiculous. But, um, I remember one time we were, we would drive this one particular road, like it was like a back road in between Indianapolis and Martinsville. Mm-hmm. And we would drive past the power plant, right?

Mm-hmm. It was coal, coal based and you know, the smoke would come from the tower. Mm-hmm. I asked my dad what that did and he said it produced clouds. He believed that too, so I believed that for a really long time. So that was pretty ridiculous. Now it's not as bad as when we convinced my younger brother that there were such thing as sand sharks, [00:02:00] but that one was pretty bad.

So that's my most ridiculous belief there. What, what about you? What's your, what's the most ridiculous thing you believed as a kid? Other than agreeing with me that clouds came from coal. Coal factories? 

Nicole: You know, I don't know. I think the one thing that comes to mind right now is when I was a kid, I remember driving with my birth bomb and there was a hill that was like super steep and it went to the, like the top of the, the mountain.

And I thought that it went like straight up like a 90 degree angle. And I even asked my mom, I was like, you know, does that just go like straight up? And so I had this like thought that if you tried to drive up that hill, you'd like crash into the mountain. And whenever I saw that hillside, I would always think that, and even growing up, like I would drive past it, even with my adoptive family, and I would see that hill and I'd be like.

People are gonna crash into that. And I don't know why I kept thinking of that, but I did. [00:03:00] 

Jason: Did anyone ever crash into it? 

Nicole: No. Oh, because it wasn't that steep. 

Jason: So the only thing that crashed into it were your own thoughts? Yes. 

Call to Ministry

Nicole: Apparently. 

Jason: Well, that, that now you get a glimpse into our relationship and how we handle things.

Um, now I'm gonna warn as I tell my story, I'm not typically an emotional person. I don't cry a whole lot, uh, except for. Notre Dame's playing, or Indiana's playing. Yeah. Or the Colts are playing. That's when I cried the most. Uh, so I may, I may not show or display a lot of emotion in my voice, but just know these are very difficult topics for me to talk about.

Um, but you know, I grew up in Martinsville, Indiana. Uh, I was born there. I lived there until I was 23, 25. Yeah, 25. Sounds about right. See, she has to help me remember how long I've lived there. Um. And most, you know, my, my early mis memories was going camping, learning to ride my bike, taking out my grandpa's newly planted mailbox with my face while I was learning to ride my bike.

Um, hitting park cars, [00:04:00] things like that. Normal childhood things. Uh, it went really well, you know, played little league, played little league basketball. Dad coached that. Uh, I mean, in Indiana, you see it's important that every kid learns how to play basketball. And if you do not learn how to play basketball by the age of five, they just tell you to get out.

Um, because you're not gonna be a Hoosier. So if you're thinking about moving to the Hoosier State and you have children, make sure you tell them you have to learn to play basketball. And that's actually a kind of a cool story though. Uh, so I had just gotten involved with the Martinsville First Church of the Nazarene.

Uh, I started going with my older brother who, and they, they would pick us up on the church van and they would lure me into the van with candy. So never, you know, the, those adage of don't get into strangers. Cars because of candy. I didn't listen, but my older brother went too, so I figured it was safe. Uh, but come to find out, my mom had been going to the church for years up until she met my dad.

So she was familiar with the church already. So as a family then. Me and my siblings and my mom started going. My dad didn't go, but my, my si we all started going. But anyway, like one of the older guys at the church, his name was [00:05:00] Harold Edwards, uh, realized we didn't have a basketball hoop 'cause he and the pastor had come together to, to visit my dad and try and convince him to follow Jesus and come to the church.

And when he saw we didn't have a hoop and we were growing up as Hoosiers without a basketball hoop, he made it his personal mission. To make sure that we got one. And so one day he, he showed up, I, I guess Hardee's was giving away free basketballs with like all the big 10 teams on it. And so he showed up with a basketball the next day.

He's like, well, I can't give you just the ball. You gotta have a hoop too. And he had found a, a old rusty rim, someone had thrown in a trash can, and he picked that old rusty rim up and brought it to the house. Now we didn't have a backboard, so my dad just did what every, every, any good dad, redneck dad would do.

He found a big piece of plywood, cut it, cut it into a big square for us, hung it up on the shed. That began our love for basketball. We must have dribbled all the grass away for like a 30 foot perimeter around the garage or the, the, the shed that there're playing basketball and dribbling in the dirt. [00:06:00] But that, that was my introduction to the church really.

Uh, just that, uh, guys showing up with a basketball in a hoop and it made, you know, we, we, it wasn't just me and my brothers playing on it. My dad would play on it too with us occasionally. Um, I should probably share too, like, I'm one of, I have two, I have an older half brother, and then I have a younger brother and then two younger sisters.

Uh, so it was fine. It was, my older brother was there on some weekends. Some weekends he went, he was supposed to be there every other weekend, but he didn't always play out that way. But anyway, uh, that, that's, that was our family dynamic. But when I hit third grade, that's when things kind of changed. Uh, dad found out that he had.

Huntington's disease, which is a form of dementia, you know, kind of, kind of similar to the Parkinson's in the sense that it gives you involuntary tremors, loss of muscle control, also like Alzheimer's, where you begin to lose your memory. Uh, and ultimately you reach a place where you can't do anything for yourself.

And so that started in third grade, and that's really life when life changed. Mm-hmm. Um, for a while, dad would still come to our little league football games and baseball games, but then he started [00:07:00] having problems staying in the bleachers. He would fall out and get hurt or. Or things like that. Um, so he quit coming, uh, and before long mom quit coming, and, and so a lot of our sporting events, it was me and my sibling, you know, me and my me or, or one of my brothers there for the other one cheering them on.

Um, it's just things you had to do to get through it. Yeah. Um, one of the scariest memories with that, well, one of the hardest, well, I'll just say this. One of the hardest parts about growing up with someone with Huntington's is one you understand Huntington's is not who they are. But their mind is going.

Nicole: Mm-hmm. 

Jason: And you know, when, when someone, when someone is doing behaviors that are not okay, usually, you know, through correction and you can retrain their brain, right? And, or they can retrain their brain. But you have to understand when someone has dementia that that's not gonna happen. That's not their reality of the situation.

And um, so there'd be nights where, you know, dad just would get mad for no reason. You, my dad was a big guy, 6 4, 210 pounds. Um. Former, you know, former welder, Navy sail, you know, sailor, uh, he, Allstate runner, Allstate football [00:08:00] player. So big, big, hefty guy. Very strong. And so when he would get angry, sometimes he'd throw and break things.

Sometimes he would scream obscenities, you know. Um, and our bedroom was across the, me and my brother shared a room across the hall from my mom and dad, and, but it was at the very back of the house. So when he would get in those moods, you, you would feel trapped in your bedroom. And the only thing you really could do to make yourself feel safe was turn the fan up louder and feel like, try to see if you could drown it out.

And that did, that didn't always work. So you just did the best you could to cope with it. Um, but one of the scariest memories, we were driving out to a family event out in the country and uh, I remember me, my mom had this old blue station wagon that one of my youth pastors nickname the Barnett Mobile 'cause it smoked, um.

But it was one of those. It was one of those, uh, station wagons too, where they don't make 'em this way anymore. Kids, uh, where the seat in the, like there was the middle row seat and then there was the back seat, right. The third row. But rather than it being like a third row facing the same direction, everybody else, it was facing out the back window.

Right. I remember those. Yeah. It had a back door and [00:09:00] everything. Um, and so that's where we were sitting, but I remember for whatever reason, my dad was upset and didn't want to go, and on the way that he grabbed the steering wheel as we were going down this. Curvy Country road. And so he was literally trying to kill all of us Again.

It wasn't, yes, it was a decision he made, but it was a decision he made in his sickness. And so, um, that was life for most of third grade up until, I wanna say eighth grade freshman year, when finally it got to a point where mom couldn't help take, couldn't take care of him anymore. Mm-hmm. And we couldn't take care.

And he was at a point by then where he didn't really remember who we were. He couldn't really do anything for himself. He couldn't, he, he couldn't. He had to have help constantly. And so we put, mom made the deci difficult decision to put him in a home somewhere. And, um, I wish I could say I was a good son and went and visited him all the time, but I didn't, you know, I lived with guilt for that for a long time of, I just, I.

To me, dad was already gone and going and seeing dad like that was not my dad. Yeah. Um, even though he, you could tell he was always happy to see us, even though he didn't fully [00:10:00] recognize who we were. He was happy to see us, but, um, it was difficult. Um, he finally passed away when I was a junior in high school in 2003.

Um, uh, so, but to be honest, that was more of a relief than it was a, a sad moment. 'cause again, in my mind, dad was already gone. Uh, but during all that, uh, what, again, what really helped me is we go back to Martinsville First Church of Nazarene. There were so many wonderful Godly people there. Um, matter of fact, what kind of kept me in line through my teen years was not okay.

I did my best to follow Jesus. I, I accepted Jesus, and I'll tell him more about that in a minute. Uh, I accepted Jesus in, in at kids camp, but that's not really what kept me in the straight and narrow. It was. I was so involved in the church, I hadn't gotten to know so many different men of that church that I knew if I started bad, you know, doing disobedient, being disobedient to my mom and getting into trouble with things that every one of 'em would show up at the house in a line to, to put me back in straight form Mom, and, and then it's mom too, you know?

You know, you, every child developed somewhat of a healthy fear of their mom at some point in their life. Uh, that's not saying my mom was abusive or anything like that, it's just [00:11:00] saying that she knew how to lay down the law and, and, and held boundaries for us, and those are healthy things. Um, but I, without the church, I don't know where I would be.

And really the kind of instrumental to all that, well, maybe was, it was a youth pastor, but again, let me, let me kind of backtrack. I got saved at a kid's camp. Um, to this day, I, I wasn't at the camp actually at you. Yeah, I was, I was there at the camp, and I don't, to this day, I don't remember what the message was about.

I was about nine years old. Um, and I, I just remember he, him talking and the theme, I remember the theme was a junkyard theme, and that was kind of cool. 

Nicole: Mm-hmm. 

Jason: But I just remember he gave an invitation and I just knew in my heart that I needed Jesus, and that Jesus was the only one that could help me.

Nicole: Mm-hmm. 

Jason: So I went to the altar and I accepted Jesus. And I'm, I'm telling this story because what's really cool is, uh, later on when I would go in for my, my interview to be ordained in the Church of the Nazarene. 

Nicole: No, this is my district license interview, or no, it was your, it was my coordination 

Jason: interview.

So this is to get my, officially get my credentials and the Nazarene church is stuck with me moment. And [00:12:00] as I'm sitting around the room, you, if, if you go into one of those meetings, it's. It's a person pretty much a, it's a what's called, we call the board of ministry, and it's other pastors who have been through that reality and they pretty much ask you all kinds of questions and then vote whether or not you're gonna be ordained or, mm-hmm.

Or they also do the same thing to get a district license, which is a process leading to ordination. But sitting at that table right next to me as I'm retelling this story, I'm watching this old guy with glasses, looking down at the paper and reading my story, look at me, look back at the paper, and I could see he was doing math and his dad, and it turns out the guy sitting at the table.

Voting on whether I would be ornate or not was the, was the kid's evangelist at that camp? Uh, that's only, that's a story only God could write. 

Nicole: I love that. 

Jason: Uh, but kinda explain my, how my call of ministry happened. Uh, I was, I, I actually, I, I grew up with a love of football. I was, I was a Cols fan before it was cool to be a Colts fan.

Uh, I started, you know, actually my first world game I watched was. The Colts versus Steelers in the, in the a FC championship game where the Colts lost on a Hail Mary in the game. And that's when we had Jim [00:13:00] Hardball as the quarterback. Uh, that was a good game, good season. We were, we were, we were one instant replay away from going to the Super Bowl, but they didn't have replay yet, so they didn't count it.

Mm-hmm. That's why we lost the Steelers, and that's why Steel had despise the Steelers. To this day, I will not wear black and gold. I throw up a little bit every time I see it. The only thing worse would be something Patriots, new Patriots. Um, yeah, I agree 

Nicole: with that. 

Jason: I, I, I grew up with this love for football.

And actually I remember growing up back when I was growing up too in Martinsville, we had back to back Mr. Football's in the state with um, Earl Hannaford as our quarterback, and then Israel Thompson as a running back. And I remember they would, you couldn't watch the games live back then. They didn't have live streaming like they do now.

But our high school would record it and then they would re-broadcast it afterwards. And so you could watch the game on the tv. That was awesome. It was so awesome. And so I grew up watching those high school pointers that, you know, they were just as big of heroes in my mind as. Any of the pro athletes. I didn't know about college football yet at that time, but, but as I grew older, I, I, I just loved the [00:14:00] game of football.

I wanted to play it. I wasn't big enough to play it. I mean, if you look at me right now, I'm, yes, I'm six one, but I weigh maybe 1 65 now. But back in high school, I was maybe that soaking wet. With my hero. So put in 

Nicole: perspective, when we started dating, my mom thought he would had like cancer or something because he was so skinny.

Jason: Yeah. I didn't have cancer and I just liked to shave my head because that's what we do. I'll get more to that in a minute. But anyway, so that was my goal. My goal wasn't to play football. My goal was to coach football. I just loved it. I was, I thought, you know, I'm gonna coach. I wanted to coach a high school level or college because one, I didn't think the pros just seems too far outta reach.

But also I wanted to make a difference, right? I wanted to use my faith. Combine it with football and kind of just share it in a way that would be, you know, awesome for people, you know, to help raise up other, other boys in, in, into young men that were going through similar situations that I was in. And so I thought that was the best route.

And I thought, well, if I'm gonna, if I'm gonna coach in high school, I probably should learn to teach something. I, I've always loved [00:15:00] history, I've always loved English. Uh, I used to write short stories that would get me in trouble in elementary school. 

Nicole: Used to, I still do, 

Jason: uh, but. Um, so one, I thought I'd teach one of those two things in coach football.

Well, I'm sitting in a, it's a career prep class that every freshman in Martinsville had to take in high school, and that's when God started to deal with me. He said, Jason, I want you to preach and if, if you know me, I do not like people. I come across as an extrovert, but I'm really an introvert. 

Nicole: You just don't like being around people.

There's a difference. 

Jason: Yeah. I don't like being around people and I don't like to deal with them. That's better. I like to have a good time, but I don't like to deal with them, so I'm like, God, you got the wrong person, which is what pretty much everyone that God calls says. God, you got the wrong person.

Mm-hmm. And so I debated with him for a long time. This went on for three months. And, and if you've ever been in a battle with the Holy Spirit, uh, he is relentless. Mm-hmm. He doesn't just let you off the hook, especially if your heart's sensitive and wants to please him. He's really, he's not doing it to be mean.

He's not doing it to coerce you [00:16:00] or force you into decision, although the prophet Jeremiah would argue otherwise. Uh, but, uh, I was really wrestling with it. And then finally just, you know, after three months I said, God, if you want me to do this, if this is really what you want me to do with my life, then you're gonna have to give me an opportunity.

And I said it just, you know, I prayed it just like that with a little bit of a smug satisfaction at the ultimatum I gave God. And the next day I met youth group and our youth leader comes to me and says, Jason, will you preach our next youth led service on Sunday? And 

Nicole: the moral of that story is don't temp to God.

Yes. Don't tempt God. 

Jason: And so, so I agreed. Right? 'cause again, again, in my mind, there's no doubt that was God working not just in my life, but he was bringing somebody else who, who was already probably aware that I was gonna answer a call and gave them the boldness to present me with the opportunity. I mean, think about how bold her name's Deanna Steinbrook.

Um. And her, her and her son was actually the youth pastor. It was very in, [00:17:00] his name's Rob. It was very influential in my life. Uh, he would show up in his little clown car to take me and my brother out for ice cream or McDonald's or breakfast. Um, fa fun, fun Pastor Rob's story, one of my favorite things. One time I told him, uh, I was, I was playing freshman football at the time and the varsity team would prac and the var, junior varsity would practice inside this fence line that was, had these covers over the fence so you couldn't see their plays.

But the freshmen, we didn't count. But we were our own team, so we practiced on the outside of that fence, you know, alongside, you know, in the grass alongside the road. Well, there was a stop sign and I, people regularly ran that stop sign, so my coach would count it. So I told Pastor Rob that story, and, uh, pastor Rob, he got to the end of the street, like 300 yards before that stop sign, and you could hear him revving up the engine of his little geo, you know, Chevy, you know, whatever.

That little car that Geo makes. And then he just shot off like a rocket down the street and blew right through the stop sign. And my coach was like, who is that idiot? I'm just laughing [00:18:00] because like, that's Pastor Rob. I didn't say it out loud. So Pastor Rob, I kept your secret safe until now. If you're from the Martinsville Police Department, uh, I'm not giving you his address.

Nicole: Well, and I think the statute of limitations is already run out on that. 

Jason: Yeah. I, I still think the biggest crime was that it was a. The size of car it was trying to pull off that stunt. I know, but Pastor, that's how Pastor Rob was. And not only that, I do remember he took a group of his boys camping one time and we had gone fishing that night and we were not catching anything.

I probably shouldn't tell this story 'cause someone couldn't get mad at us. But we, we, we, we had gone fishing that night. We weren't catching any fishing, so we were a bunch of these boys sitting around the campfire board. So we started putting marshmallows on hooks and casting 'em into the woods, trying to catch a raccoon.

And our plan was, if we caught one, we were gonna like. We didn't really know. That's just gonna be like that. So we went coon fishing too. Uh, so that, that was what life with Pastor Rob was like. But not, not only that, not only was all this fun, but he kinda showed me that being a Christian isn't being a stick in the mud, never having any f fun.

It's, you can love [00:19:00] Jesus and still have a good time with life. Now I've had to learn and to reel that, reel that in a little bit. 

Nicole: I'm gonna say, I, I said at the beginning there's sometimes, like some of the details I've never heard before. That was one. I've never heard that story. You've never heard that story before?

Never heard. You haven't heard the story of coon fishing? 

Jason: Well, yeah. And now as a caveat, as as knowing that we are called to be God's stewards of the earth. I do not recommend coon fishing. It's not the type of fishing that is beneficial to society. It harms nature. It harms animals and. The best thing we can do for trash pandas is relocate them to a better place.

I'm not talking about heaven. Anyway, what was I talking about for, oh, I was talking about my call. Yeah. So I had answered my, so I ended up preaching that first sermon. My mom helped me write most of it. Uh, and, but the thing I remember most about that sermon, 

Nicole: those detail, 

Jason: is I'm sitting in, I'm sitting [00:20:00] in now, I, I sit on the platform here.

But I kind of picked that up from sitting on the platform, uh, in Martinsville that first time I preached. So I'm sitting on the platform and I I was going back through my notes again, just one final check. You know, nervous is all good. I was shaking like a leaf. The, and as I'm actually, as I'm looking at, I remember I looking over at the music minister who's playing like the offering the offertory song.

Yeah. And. His name's Matt Barnett. He's not, not related to me, but he's a very gifted pianist, but he'd been doing it for a long time. I remember looking at him and he's just looking at me and he's laughing. He's laughing 'cause he could tell how nervous of a wreck I am. He, he, he's laughing at me. Well, much more to my horror.

Not only is the music minister laughing at me as I'm looking through my notes, I realize every one of my scripture references is wrong.

So that didn't help. So I remember I got up, I preached a five minute sermon. How can you comparing life to football? It was five minutes. That was my first sermon. 

Nicole: I think mine was like [00:21:00] 15. 

Jason: Yeah. 

Nicole: Something like that. 

Jason: Yeah. But I am grateful for that though, because you know, pastor James Walker was the pastor of the church that time, who I answered the call under and his way of training a new minister, he would, he would affirm our call and then he would put us in the pulpit.

It, but he wouldn't give us a lot of instruction. He would've let us struggle through it a little bit to begin to understand the weight of what we were doing. And I don't know if that was intentional on his part, but that's what way I've always looked at it and I've always been appreciative of that fact, uh, of him, of him doing that.

So I answer my call to ministry and then I go off to Kentucky Mountain Bible College. I don't know if I should name them. 'cause, and, and it's a great college. It's, it's very low cost. Right. And that's why I went there. I'm coming from my mom. My mom stayed home to take care of us, right? And my dad had passed away and didn't work after he really, after he was diagnosed.

So we went to Connecticut with Bible college. But they have some very strict rules there. Uh, we regularly, as students talked about our right to bear arms, right? And [00:22:00] that's because we had to wear dress shirts. All day. We're not talking about guns, we're talking about shirts, right? Our shirts had to be, uh, full sleeve length.

We had to wear dress clothes during the day to class. Um, and then just have a lot of other rules. And I remember being there, just thinking to myself, the Bible says none of this, the Bible is not about any of these rules, that it's talking about it. Um, so I was there for a year. I jokingly refer to it as a monastery in the mountains.

I did make a lot of great friends there though, and there were a lot of great people. Um, but I, and I knew it wasn't the place for me, so I left. And now what kind of helped encourage me is I met a girl back home on break. It wasn't me, was not Nicole. Uh, so I went back, uh, tried to do some online classes, but kept dating the girl and we ended up getting married.

Military Service and Marriage

Jason: I was 20, she was 18. Uh, she was coming from a, a home where she was home, you know, homeschooled growing up. I was very much public schooled. Um, but she went, came from homeschooled. But the two of us got married, um, after dating for about a year, year and a half, two years. Um. And I, one of the things that her parents tried to do to help us out was they brought us [00:23:00] with him to a, a seminar series that they, that really, he, they told us, really helped them in their marriage.

And it was a seminary called Basic Principles or Basic Institute of Life Principles. 

Nicole: I have no idea. 

Jason: Something like that. IBLP is the short term. So whatever words I just said in the acronym I just gave you. 

Nicole: Figure put, put the two of 'em 

Jason: together and rearrange it. Okay. If you read any of the books by Jill Dugard or Ginger Dugard, it will talk about this group in that book.

This is that group I'm talking about. But Bill got, and Bill Gohar was over it, and he talks a lot about the umbrella and how. 

Nicole: If you, if you don't understand the Bill Gothard umbrella, it starts off where God has the big umbrella and then under it is the husband's umbrella, and then it's the wife's umbrella, and then it's, and then the wife's umbrella covers the kids in the house.

And basically it's this idea that God is in the ultimate control. And then your husband's in charge of the wife, and then the wife is in [00:24:00] charge of the children. And, and then like, depending on. Depending on where you are, they might include like the pastor is above the husband or whatever, but like that, that's kind of the gist of it.

Jason: Yeah. So that's what, but I remember sitting in those seminars like, yeah, but why am I the one that has to make all the decisions? Like God didn't, God gave us two minds here. Yes, we we're becoming one as when we're married, but that doesn't. It to me, it didn't jive up with what I read in God's, the story of God's creation.

How, how the two become one. Right. And so, and also it didn't ma you know, so I grew up in a house where again, my mom was the one that was the spiritual leader. My mom was the one that handled a lot of things. Um, so I really wrestled that for a long time. But I knew something, something to about it, to me was off.

Um, now. During this time, you know, again, I I, I have to get a job 'cause I'm married and we're, I'm trying to support her. So I, I, I ended up working at a car dealership with again, wonderful people. Um, worked there for about [00:25:00] eight years, I think Total off and on. Um, I worked at, you know, I worked my, I started off as a lot guy.

Worked my way up to a car salesman, worked my back, back down to a lot guy. Um, but part of that was too, I remember I was selling cars and that's when the kind of the recession happened during the Obama years. So we were financially struggling and I decided I needed to do something. And so I enlisted in the Indian Army National Guard as a combat medic, and my wife at the time agreed to that.

And so she dropped me off at, um, camp Atterbury one day. I took a big bus up to Indianapolis, you know, and then they shipped me off to basic. And I remember seeing in that parking lot though, when she drop, dropped me off thinking. It, it, you could, you know, life has those heavy moments and you can tell something seismic is about to happen.

It's a shift from this moment. Nothing's ever gonna be the same. Um, and it wasn't, you know, I went off and did my basic training at, uh, Fort Sill. Um, that's where I did Army [00:26:00] Basic training at. Then I went off to, um, Fort Sam Houston, Texas for combat medic training. Don't remember any of the terms and, and of anatomy.

I don't remember any of the medicine dosages we were supposed to put out there to people. But I do remember I could probably patch up wounds in my sleep if I really had to. Now Nicole will tell you I am, I do not. He has 

Nicole: the worst bedside manner of anyone I've ever met. Yeah. 

Jason: But you know, as a medic it's like screaming gets in the way with things.

It would be quiet. Um, but I remember, so during, you know. My wife starts acting weird, right? Because it's not like old school, military basic was you weren't allowed to have cell phones, but maybe once on a Sunday for like 10 minutes 

Nicole: and friendly reminder, this is not me. 

Jason: Yeah. But then when I got to Fort Sam, I was allowed to call when I was off duty.

Um, but the phone calls would be shorter. She would just seem distracted. I remember when I got home, I got all that training's done, you know, with the, the National Guard, right? You're not there full time, right? You, you go home [00:27:00] and then it's your one week and a month after all your training's done. I just remember I felt like a stranger in my own house, like she didn't want me there.

So one night I just point, like I asked her, do you still wanna be with me? I didn't ask her to use the limb. I said, do you want to be with me? And she said, no. I wish I could say I was a good godly man and walked out there with my head held high. I was not. I said a lot of things, a lot of things that I regret.

I used a lot of words that I regret, and even the days after that, I was a mess and said things I didn't want to or I probably shouldn't have said. Um, but, but you hurt. Hurt people. Hurt people. I, I, I do remember going and picking up my stuff from our apartment that had. I had lived in with her for literally two weeks, and I remember she wasn't home, so I just smashed everything I could find, turned things over.

One of my friends peed on the toilet seat and left it. Um, that's not a godly thing to do in case you're wondering. Um, sorry. Um, but that was the last of it. Um. I remember getting the paperwork and I, I, I had to, I had to, [00:28:00] when you're, the army has to know everything about your life, right?

And so I got the divorce paperwork done and I remember I had to take it to my, one of my sergeants, keep my, I'm brand new to this unit. They just met me. Literally, uh, this might mean my, I think this is my first real weekend with them. And there was this one lady sergeant. I wanna say her name. Her name was Sergeant Esam.

I remember handing her the paperwork, her not knowing me, looking at me and saying, are you okay with this? I don't. And, and she, I think I messaged her later on and told her, you don't know how much I question meant to me. 

Nicole: Mm-hmm. That somebody actually cared. Somebody 

Jason: cared. Somebody saw me. And I, I remember saying, and I gave her the answer of, I don't really have a choice.

I mean, I could, I could fight this all day, all I want. And that's really what I came to. It's like I [00:29:00] wanted to fight for it. I wanted to save my marriage. There was somebody else in the picture. She wanted to somebody else. She didn't want me. It was to the point too, where I even made her sign the paperwork in front of her dad.

'cause I knew her. His opinion mattered most to her, and she did it. So it was my, her way of it was, that told me there was, there was nothing you could do with this. Yeah. I could fight it tooth and nail, I could stick to the bill. Got through principles, but it wasn't gonna fix it. And so the most loving thing I could do was to let her go.

Um, hurt a lot, it really did. Mm-hmm. But really what helped me get through that was so fast forward my church, got a new pastor. Like literally the day I, the day I, the next day I left for basic, the day before that Sunday, the pastor that had been there for six, seven years, the pastor that had married the two of us announced that he was leaving the church.

Finding Healing Through Ministry

Jason: Uh, and so bat, you know, we got this new pastor in while I was gone. His name's Alan Sutherland and um, Alan Sutherland was my pastor. I was at my most [00:30:00] broken, uh, he was there for me. Um. And he included me in some things and even times he would call me, like, our Martinsville at the time had this church car that should have been a demolition derby car 20 years ago.

Uh, I think they, they think, I think they thought that I love Sunday school bumper sticker would bring healing to it, but it was a Ford Taurus. 

Nicole: There's no healing that, there's no healing 

Jason: to it. Um, but I remember I had to, he called me one time to come and pull him off. Off the interstate up in Indianapolis.

Serious. I 

Nicole: didn't know this story either. Yeah. 

Jason: So I did that, you know, and so he made me really feel apart and he, but only that he put me to work in the church. He didn't just let me flounder and keep mind. And this time I, I was hurting, I was broken. And if I'm being honest with you, I did. I couldn't feel God moving in my own life.

But he put me in charge of working with the teenagers. Which included my youngest sister in the group too, which was a lot of fun, especially when we played dodgeball. There was only one target when we played dodge ball. And keep in mind, I was a young youth pastor [00:31:00] who believed that the rule in dodge ball of no hitting in the face was an abomination.

I thought if you were too dumb to not move your face outta the way, you deserved every bit of what you got. Um, I'm a dad now and so my, my philosophies have changed. 

Nicole: No, they haven't.

Jason: Man, just like that. Did y'all, did y'all feel the, the wind of that bust? Did you even hear it coming in the podcast episode? Like good grief. Um, okay. Maybe I'm not completely healed to that. But anyway, uh, 

Nicole: the line from dodge ball, if you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge A ball is a favorite line of our son.

Yes. 

Jason: I'm just preparing my son for life. Okay. Uh, but anyway, so I'm at my most book and he puts me with the teenagers. And I just start teaching him, Jesus, the best way. I know how I'm open. I'm vulnerable, probably more vulnerable in ways I shouldn't have been with that group of teenagers. Um, and God started working.

God started to move a ma. Matter of fact, I remember one event, it was, we were taking him to a district ice skating event that Indianapolis used [00:32:00] to do every year, and we had 40 kids show up. My Martins, well, I had three church fans and I still had to ask parents to drive minivans to help get kids there, and I was just loving them, knowing their name and telling 'em about Jesus and all in.

While I couldn't feel any myself, I still believe I still had faith, but I couldn't feel Jesus through the pain. But as I began to work with those teens and watch God work and move in their lives, I began to think to myself, if God is working in their lives, he can't be that far away from me. I just kept leaning in.

Eventually, God and I connected again. And, um, really that's, that's my story. That's my story, you know, um, before I met Nicole, I won't get into those details yet. I won't spoil that story, but that, that's my life story.

Nicole: Well, that was a lot and I'm really, really proud of you for sharing all those details. 

Jason: Yeah, thanks. And if there's anyone out there wondering if God can still calls broken [00:33:00] people or still works through loss, I'm living proof he does. Matter of fact, I remember I told you about Pastor Rob, my youth pastor growing up, and I remember when I'm, when everything was falling apart, um, Rob called me and he said, Jason, God still used divorce ministers too.

Nicole: That's awesome. 

Jason: Uh, so that's, and that's you. If you're wondering if God can still use you, he can. 

Nicole: Yeah, he definitely can. 

Closing

Jason: All right, well that's all for this episode. Uh, we'll see you next time on table. Table for two 

Theme Song: for storms and swallowed on noise. Church cheese and hand copy and mugs. Our lights held together by grace and a few hugs they said she submits.

We said we both do. It's not about ladders since you serving the kingdom. Laugh lines and cows and routine at this. Table for two. There's room for you. Pull up. Butcher will tell the truth. And with the.