When ou Realize Your The Prize

There comes a moment… quiet, unexpected… where everything clicks.

Not because someone finally chose you.
 Not because you got closure.
 But because you looked at yourself and realized:

“Wait… I’m the prize. Why am I out here auditioning?”

In this episode of This Isn’t That, I’m getting real (and a little funny) about the shift that changed how I move, love, and show up. And I’m not doing it alone—I’ve got a guest joining me to talk through the moments we knew better… but still did too much anyway.

We’re talking:
 ✨ Overgiving and under-receiving
 ✨ The double-text era (yeah… we went there)
 ✨ Why people circle back when you finally pull away
 ✨ Being called “too much” by the wrong people
 ✨ And what it actually looks like to act like you know your worth

Because let’s be honest…
 Knowing you’re the prize is one thing.

Acting like it? That’s where the real growth happens.

So if you’ve ever found yourself shrinking, chasing, or questioning your value…

This one’s your wake-up call.

🎧 Press play, then go ahead and:

•  Leave a review (I’m reading them 👀) 
•  Share this with somebody who needs to stand up immediately 
•  Follow the podcast so you don’t miss what’s next 

Because baby…

We’re not auditioning anymore.

This isn’t that.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:11

Tell me the right thing oh.

SPEAKER_02 0:16

Tell me the right thing oh game as these and welcome back to this isn't that where life be life in, but we still be collecting life lessons along the way. Okay, so today's episode is something that's real personal to me. Um, but it's also gonna be interactive. Um, because I'm as you can see, I'm bringing two new people into the conversation with me. Okay, I got my best friend right here, Miss Favorite Foreign Pocahontas. Say hey girl, and then I got Nay over there. Hey. Say hey girl. And so we're talking about and so we're just gonna be here having a casual conversation with y'all, just you know, talking about about that moment when you get that that shift or that internal like click when you realize that like you were the prize the whole time and you were giving off like auditioning energy. And who are we to audition for anything? Like, to be honest, like for real. So let's talk about some confidence and not just fake confidence. I'm talking about the quiet, dangerous kind of confidence, the confidence that like changes you and how you move. Okay, so let's get into it. Just to give you all a quick little background about myself, I'm an overgiver. Um, I tend to always go overboard and over the top for my partner. Um, I'm the let me explain myself one more time, type of girl, or maybe if I love harder, they'll get it type of girl. And that can be extremely exhausting. Okay, so let me ask you this have you ever been in a situation where you knew you were just doing way too much, but you kept doing it, like you were hoping the outcome would magically change or something? So many times, too many times to count. Um where you just feel like you just gotta love them a little harder because you felt like your love was special, or they never got that type of love from anyone else. Like the mommy and daddy issues, yes, we gotta we gotta fix the issues that we have with our parents as we as we date these people, like and also they had my birthday one day, James had to the birthday isn't a big thing for wasn't a big thing for him. Hey, I bought him a cake to celebrate, and he just brushed it off. Like it was nothing, like it didn't matter. Oh, okay, cool. Did anyone else get you a cake? Did anyone else celebrate with you? Oh, okay. Like, did your mama buy you a cake? Obviously not, bitch. I bought you a cake. Love me, love me, bitch. Love me. Okay, guys, y'all. Like, that's all we be wanting is love. So, like, let me paint y'all this picture. There's a moment, real quiet, nothing dramatic, when you realize I'm not confused. I'm just being undervalued right now. Like, I have to be being undervalued, and that realization, it don't just tap you on the shoulder, y'all. That bitch come through with a full-on backhand, pip slap ass realization, okay? Who got time for that? Who got time for that? So let me ask y'all do you think it hits harder for people to admit that they were being treated wrong or that they allowed themselves to be treated wrong? Definitely the allowance. It's always the allowance. That is the hardest part pill to swallow because it's basically you looking at yourself in the mirror. You looking at yourself in the mirror saying, I let this motherfucker do all of this shit to me, and I knew it was wrong, and I still allowed it in you. Or you'd be like, damn, that was crazy because the last nigga wanna do shit like this. Like, I'm the I'm the lever, I'm all of this, not too, not what? What? What's he talking about? Like exactly. It'd be like, did this nigga just piss on my back and tell me it was right in? And I said, okay. Like, am I goofy right now? Like, yeah, Google the food written on my forehead. What are you talking about? Thank you. Did this nigga just tell me I wasn't over there? But you just rode over there and see him over there. I can't. And then when we look, look, then when we do the drive-bys and catch you in the line, now we crazy because we drove by. But you why do we even come? Why'd you even come over here? But why did you even lie? Why are you even over here? No, for real. And so I be feeling like my turning point was when I stopped asking why they are like this or why are they treating me like this? And I started asking, like, why the fuck am I even tolerating this? Like, come on now. I'm better than this. So, like, story time. There was a moment where like the old me would have double texted or double called, or you know, hey, just checking in, you know, those types of texts. And bro, that's embarrassing, okay? Because when a nigga already told you he don't want you and you still be trying to like make him want you, the growth. The growth, I'm telling you, the growth. So you like type it out and then you don't type it. It's been too many times. It's been too many times. I done typed that text. I done typed that text, but I looked at that text and I read that text 2700 times. And I did some shit, and then I added some shit, and then I was like, bitch, too close to begging. Um begging. Like, what are we talking about right now? Like a 90s RV. Swear to God, I'm over here yarning for this shit. Like, hold on, wait the fuck a minute. I am the candidate. Bitch, you should be chasing me. I should not even be chasing you. You should be sending me these long, you should be sending me these paragraphs. You should be wanting me in your motherfucking life, not the other way around when your ass got 57 pairs of shoes, two pairs of pants, eggs that won't let go, a baby mama that's a listen, you got a lot more going on than what the fuck? I got you got way more negative than I got than I got negative. Listen, are these bags? So now that leads me into that's talking. So that leads me into my next part here, which I think is absolutely comical. When's the moment that you stop chasing? Okay, when do you stop texts? When do you stop calls? When you stop watching stories on Facebook or reels on Instagram like their Netflix series. Listen. I ain't gonna lie, I'm probably literally stock that Instagram hella long. Um I ain't gonna lie. It'd be it'd be too the turning point when I just stopped and when I when you really had to sit there and beat it in your motherfucking head, like this motherfucker is not doing all of this that you're doing. Like, he's not checking up on your Instagram story, he's not texting you on a late night when he's thinking about you, because the motherfucker not thinking about you. Guess where that nigga at? And another bitch leg. Um, that's what that would be my standard point. I have to literally beat it in my fucking head saying, like, that nigga is not doing what you're doing right now. You look fucking stupid. I have to tell myself a thousand and two times. Even if he is missing you, he's not gonna show it. No. They never do, they never do, they never show it that they miss you, they never show that they want you back or none of that, until here's the best part. Until you stop showing up for them. Then all of a sudden, you moving different. Why are you doing all of that? Like, you're not calling me. Do me like everybody else did me, looking at. How many times do you not have to answer or keep telling me to hold on and hanging up before I realize that you don't want to talk to me? Like, I'm not finna let you make me feel stupid over and over and over again. Like the I'll call you right back. There's gotta be a point where that shit just gets old. You know what I'm saying? And for me, it gets old now when I feel like I'm the only one reaching out. And every once in a while, you know, you get that that that that urge to do that text or go back and and I'm drop and I'll be trying to say, what what be pulling y'all back? Well, you know that shit toxic as fuck, and you know you really should be doing what? You already know it'd be the dick. So just say it. Just say it be the dick that this be pulling you back every time. I'm thinking line. Okay, baby. I think it was the tongue finger combo because the dick was little. No, it was Vienna sauce is little. It was the girl. Oh, I hate that for you. You think you need it little cleaner is little had to be a love. I'm taking that every night. So this not your fingers was doing better than your dick. This was little versus today. Baby, not the fingers doing better than the dick. You gotta, okay, something gotta. Ooh, baby. Hmm. I'm so sorry. It's always be that thing that you think about when you horny and you ain't had sex in a while, and you claim you cutting that nigga off, and you get to thinking, like, you know, you do do that thing that I like. Do that when they be your favorite eaters. Like, when he do that thing that I like, you know, I like that shit. You know what I'm saying? Like, let me see if I can get that one more time, and then he goes back into a fucking endless cycle, of course. But in a moment, that's what I'm saying. I'm talking about back to the little comment. I'm talking about this versus this. I fucking dead, not arm versus pencil. I hate that. I hate that, I hate that, I hate that. Um y'all made me lose track of where I was going with this whole conversation because what it was the little it was the little penis uh comment for me that just blew me. Um, yeah. So uh what do you think? What do you think makes them suddenly show up when you start pulling back? You think it's an ego thing, you think it's a control thing, or you think they just bored and just need some entertainment? Because you know, we be the best entertainment every time. I don't know why they be playing in our faces when we do. It would definitely be a combination of it. Yep, because they'd be like, not this bitch happy without me. The fuck got you smiling so hard. It's like these fighty, it's like these spidey senses be tingling like, oh, this bitch moving on. Hold on, wait, let me take this bitch moving on. Like, hold on, this bitch being. Exactly. And they can come back and like, let me play with her. So she knows. I feel like playing with her today. She's she don't need nobody else to play with. I feel like playing with her today. Let me pull her off this shelf. Oh, time that ran off, got married, about to have another kid, all type of shit going on. Like, sir, please, please, please leave her alone. Okay, please. I don't feel like stroking your ego today. No, no, no. No, for real, for real. So, like, for me personally, I realized something real quick. Attention without consistency is just noise. And I think they can be they just be wanting our attention, but they don't want to stay consistent, and so I don't want the noise anymore. You know what I'm saying? That's just just too much and too extra. So, this is where it got real for me. And I realized that I wasn't too much, I was just too much for people who couldn't treat me or meet me where I was at. Now let that sink in.

SPEAKER_00 13:41

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_02 13:43

That's what that'd be. That that really be what we are what our problem is, is we be looking for these niggas to meet us where we at, and they not ready to meet us where we at. So they don't never meet us where we at. No, and then that's what we be trying to meet them where they at, and that's where the problems be coming in every time. So have you ever been made to feel like you were just too much, as they say, and then all of a sudden you met people who made you feel like you were just right? Oh, that's fine. Yes. Actually, yes. It'd be like motherfuckers tell you that. Now do you feel like that has to be a do you feel like that has to be a nigga or a significant other? You think it could just be anyone that's kind of like meeting you where you at? It's people in genuine in general. Like people in general. I could be, I could, okay, for example, I'm over here pouring my fucking heart out to you, telling you exactly how I fucking feel. And this motherfucker was like, You doing too much right now, or don't ruin the moment. So then I go to the next motherfucker, and I'm pouring my heart out, I'm telling them exactly like the. And he's like, Well, your feelings are valid. You have every right to put that way. Yeah, you know what I'm saying? It's like uh night and day type of thing. I wasn't too much, I wasn't doing too much, you just were never enough. And that's where it comes to a point where it's like, yeah, I overplayed my part in this situation way too fucking long. And once you talk to somebody outside of the situation, whether it's your friends or another guy that you're entertaining, it'd be like, I really wasn't doing too much. Like you just wasn't doing enough. I think you I really like it's really about meeting someone exactly where I'm at and where you're at. You know what I'm saying? And when you meet that person, I think that should just hit different. I think that should just hit different and make you want to move different, all of that. So I also wanted to say this real quick, like just for people who need to hear this. You know, my my podcast is called This Isn't That. So I like to do like a this isn't that moment, and so I want this to be that moment. So for y'all, this isn't about you being hard to love. This is this is about you being hard to access, okay? No one deserves to have access to you if they're not going to do you how you deserve to be treated, or you get what I'm trying to say? Like nobody. So at this point, we need to start setting up boundaries and making sure that motherfuckers is respecting these boundaries. But then here's the next question. Do you think that people confuse these boundaries that we be trying to set up with with the attitude? Every time. Because it'd be like it'd be like, huh, I did this shit before. Why the fuck I can't do it now? Yes. Or I'm gonna catch it. Treatment that they be giving you, that half-ass treatment shit. Ain't nobody got time for bare minimum no more. Ain't nobody accepting that shit no fucking more. They never go, they never catch me. They never go catch. This is what I do. This is how I feel like this is how men think. Um, well, I've been doing it all of this time. She's never gonna change up, or she's not gonna do this, or she's not gonna give a fuck. Um, it's gonna be the same thing. And then you actually start really, instead of like saying that you you know your work, you actually start acting on that shit. Then motherfuckers be like, now this bitch thinking she thinking she's bigger than the program whole time, motherfucker. I am the program. That part. Don't ever forget. We have every right to act that way. You get what I'm saying? We have every right to act that way. Because when we when we was in here doing the most and showing the most and showing our asses and and proving our love to y'all, y'all motherfuckers was taking that shit for it for granted. Like it was a joke. Like it was a game. You didn't reciprocate it. The energy was not matched. So when we start realizing that energy's not being matched, and we start falling back and we don't want to have nothing to do with you, now we move a different. Now our boundaries is fucked up. No, you gotta realize that niggas, I be feel like sometimes niggas be feeling forgetting where they play a role in some of this shit, too. Like y'all niggas don't be perfect, like at all. First of all, don't niggas be accountability is out the fucking window. Let's say that it's hard to find a nigga to take accountability for what he's done and what he says and how he acts. Yeah. So let's talk about starting over in a relationship or taking a break, and then a motherfucker try to treat you the same way. You can't act, you can't, you can't, you gotta find a different way to access, you gotta find a different interest, you gotta find a different approach. If you never change shit up, shit will always be the fucking same. I feel like everyone's just like trying to teach an old dog new tricks. That's not gonna fucking work. If you keep what it what am I what am I trying to say? Um what they say insanity really is trying to what the what am I trying to say? Basically it's in so many ways. Okay, exactly, exactly, exactly. So why the fuck would you come in here doing backflips knowing damn well you you're gonna bust your ass doing these backflips instead of doing a cartwheel like your goofy ass know how to do? What the fuck? Let's do it. Some of y'all be a little slow, like what? Why the fuck would you come in here still trying to lie to me, knowing that them same 72 lives didn't work the 72 times that you told them? And how many times have we told a nigga that? How many times we done told a nigga if we asked him a question, 90% of the time we already know the answer. So why even lie? How many times have we said that? I be feeling like I be telling niggas that all the time. Like I said, every time I know the answer. Like, what are we talking about? Every time I come to question a nigga, is I already know what's going on. Period. Literally, literally, literally, I already asked me because I want you to tell me the truth. So don't sit in my face and lie to me because I already know what you're about to say. Like, what are we talking about? Especially when it comes to fucking truth. When it comes down to like cheating or something, or somebody told them something like they made a uh a crazy move, and like, you know what I'm saying? Like, oh, let's use this for an example. Because you know, my baby daddy had another baby around the time that I was pregnant. We mm-hmm. Another story for that episode. Is there anything you want to tell me? Yeah, that's gotta be another story for the next episode, baby. Um is there anything you want to tell me? And then before the DNA resource and all this child support shit came about, I knew. Talk about it was your homeboy baby. Bitch, if you don't get the fuck. Lying like a motherfucker, I swear. So that was her home, that was my that was my homeboy. You were that homeboy baby. You just trying to hide that shit from me because you don't want me to flip the fuck out. Cause you know I'm about to crash out on your stupid ass. Don't lie to me. I tell you, the only motherfucker that lies a motherfucker that's scared, and the only motherfucker that scares me is God. So I'm not finna play with you. I'm not about to play with nobody. It's the same motherfucker. Like, the fuck is we talking about? The same motherfucker that said, I'm out with my mom, and we all running errands. I'm not even aware. Girl, and then I pull up and you with old girl. Now you getting beat the fuck up. Oh now you now now I'm now I'm crazy and I'm a man beater. Now I'm crazy, I'm beyond crazy. Attempted murder. Can't take care of my kids by myself because I'm the look just everything under the sun. Yeah. Now here's what we took it all the way far. Now let's bring some of the responsibility back to us females because we've been bashing niggas this whole episode, but fuck these niggas, okay? Um, anyways, here's where I feel like we struggle the most. We we think knowing our worth is is is it. And it's cute and all. Like it's cute to know your worth. But motherfuckers who actually know they worth, they act like they know they worth. You get what I'm saying? And I feel like that's where people fold. Because acting like you know your worth looks like not responding out of loneliness, or you know, accepting and entertaining the bare minimum, or maybe even going back just because it's familiar. Because how many of us have uh went back to our favorite eater just because that shit was fire too many fucking times? And it's and it and it's a it's a big thing because I'm still as a woman, I can still I can say loudly and proudly, I am still one of those person that one of those women that is working on leaving that ear alone. Yes, acting like I know I know my words, because I know my words duh a million times, a million times over 50, 100,000 times. You know what I'm saying? It's me acting like I don't know. She's like, you keep, I don't know what it is. It's like, ooh, shiny. I don't know. When I see the wrong thing, I'll be like, ooh, shiny, sparkly. Yes, we be attracted. We be attracted. It's like it's like you know the fire is hot. You know fire is hot, but you still want to touch that shit anyway. Like, like just like your mama told you not to touch that spark. The flies more attracted to shit than sugar or whatever the case, more maybe. Yeah, I know what you're talking about. And that's the thing, I think, and that's the problem with us. I think a lot of us don't take accountability for some of our own actions and allowing the things that we keep complaining about to happen because we keep going back to that favorite fucking eater. At this point, we just need to find new ones and lock them bitches in. Defro. Def row. Well, I do, I do have a new favorite. Hey, look, bitch, we ain't all been lucky to find our husbands yet. Okay, so I can't even say the same nigga I be dogging, the same nigga I be dogging, the same nigga I'm gonna slide this coochie across his face every time. Yeah, I'm already I'm working on it. I'm working on it. I'm working, I'm working on it. I might not be working on it real hard, but I'm working on it. Okay, I definitely understand. But I like this one, y'all. I swear I gotta change. But we definitely gotta get out of these comfort zones because comfort will be having us sliding into these situations like recycling hobbies and shit. And we gotta stop recycling these hobbies, okay? Especially these bad ones. We gotta do it. It's like it's like it's like uh my best friend Jazz, she said, bitch, you strung out. You were cracky. I said, What? What do you mean I'm a crackie? Look at you. Like a Delphine right now, ready. You just ready to go ahead, keep keep snorting it, keep snorting it. I ain't like I'm not a crack, I'm not addicted. Look at you. She like bitch, look at you. I'll be texting right now. I hate that she be so right. Like, I like girl, one day we're gonna get over it one day. But yes, y'all, speaking of speaking of lucky to find the husbands, let's talk about the the issue that I was going on uh having before I found the husband. Girl, no, because them issues gonna keep us here all night. We're gonna say that for another episode. We're gonna say that for another episode. You want to keep us here all night, and we can do it's too many times where us lady, we we've gotta stop accepting the bare minimum. And every time we keep going back, and we preaching to our own selves. We're not even preaching to nobody else, literally. Literally, we just gotta do better. We really just do gotta do better. But in the meantime, it's gonna change. In the meantime, what what you know it was. In the meantime, in between time, as we slowly approach the level of growth that we're trying to reach, we're gonna keep dibbling and dabbling in the favorite eaters that we love oh so much, okay? But I think I found me a new one that I like, so I'm gonna uh I'm gonna keep that one. Yep, yeah, I know I'm a habitual recycler. I'm a habitual recycler. And that's why you keep ending up with the habitual liar. I'm just gonna stick right here with this new one and we're gonna see how this goes. You see? You see now? You said you a habitual recycler. That's why you keep ending up with that habitual liar. And I that's what I'm saying, Lord. Listen, I I got plenty of accountability. I know I am a part of the problem. You are definitely the problem in this. I know I'm part of the problem. You'd be like, I am a part of the problem. You'd be like, change. I'm not fucking with you until you change your attitude. And then I get bored. Or he hit that line, or he hit that line talking about I need that, and she looked at it like I need that too. I might need that. She was talking to me earlier. Maybe I can swear. No, for real. No, but let's talk about the man that be like, okay, I don't know if y'all had a man like this, but I had a man, that man, that man, I tell that nigga to leave me alone 5,700,000 times, and that man ain't gonna tell me every time, okay. I'll try to get tomorrow. I'll try to get later. And then you should just be like, definitely I wouldn't. You need to lock his ass. Lock his ass up. This is the delusion. It's the delusion. I'm block him. I will block this man on iMessage. I will block this man on Instagram, I'll block this man on Facebook, Snapchat, or social media, TikTok. That man will email me and say, not email. You still mad at me? I'm like, he won't email me. He don't give a fuck. Look, we love when they reach out for that toxic energy, okay? They need it, they need it. But all right, y'all. So is she gonna play my game today? You said what? What? No, they be like, is she gonna play my game today? Is she gonna Yeah, and sometimes, and sometimes I'll be wanting to entertain it and play the game, and sometimes I'll be like, No, I'm not. But I'm I'm gonna keep telling y'all, I done found me one right now that I am enjoying. So this man got my attention. So I'm just gonna keep my attention right here. Nah. Girl, I cannot with you. All right, y'all. Well, if this episode hit for you, go ahead and leave me a review because guess what? We definitely gonna be reading them on this podcast. And hey, just so you know, me and my best friends, we clap back. So if you get in them comments and in the reviews and think you're gonna talk shit, we're gonna talk shit right back, and we're gonna talk shit about you on our podcast. So just know. We're doing background checks, baby. We're gonna have your people right there in the middle. Okay. I damn near work for the FBI, don't play with me. Okay, and then I need y'all to share this episode with somebody who needs to stop playing small immediately and become the main character of their life. Because remember, it's your program, and everyone that comes around better get a part of their program. The fuck. Okay, so don't forget to follow my podcast so that you don't miss out on what's coming next because, baby, this shit just gonna keep getting better and better. And remember, this isn't that. Bye y'all.

SPEAKER_00 31:21

Tell me the right click. Tell me the right click, oh, you hung. Tell me the right click oh.