Marriage Advice We Think Is Secretly Ruining Relationships...| Dash of Pink #54

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:11

Hey besties, I'm McKinley.

SPEAKER_01 0:14

I'm Danielle. Welcome back to Dash of P. You guys, we are virtual today.

SPEAKER_00 0:19

This is so weird. This is so weird. This is so weird and wrong and light. Figure it out a little. This is so weird and wrong. Listen, I'm large and in charge now. There's a lot happening. I'm in my third trimester and we just could not swing of filming this time around. No.

SPEAKER_01 0:39

I literally I have this like cough that will not go away. No. And it's it's literally, I've had it for almost two weeks now, and I am in so much pain because I've been coughing so much that I tore a muscle or string. Oh, I literally might have. And I feel so dramatic. And I felt so dramatic all night last night because it was literally like it started last night. And I felt so dramatic because I kept like rolling over like a freaking rotisserie chicken. And I was like, it hurts so bad. This is literally me every Monday.

SPEAKER_00 1:15

I am literally pregnant. I feel like a rotisserie chicken. I feel like a hot dog on the gas station. That's the thing anytime I move up.

unknown 1:25

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 1:26

But no. I yeah. We're gonna have to figure out this whole virtual thing. We're gonna do more of these. This will not be my setup. We're gonna have a more pinkified, but this is what we get today. I'm in my bed. I do want to get a pink one. We're gonna get McKinley PewJ setup. It's so cute. It's pink. It works. I tried. It's fine. It works. Unfortunately, my bedroom is not pink. I don't think Riley would like love that all the way.

SPEAKER_01 1:47

You don't think so? You couldn't do like a half and half, like he gets whatever colors he wants, and you get whatever colors you want.

SPEAKER_00 1:54

You like paint the wall straight down. That would be so funny. That would be hilarious.

SPEAKER_01 1:58

Wait, that would actually be like so cute and also hilarious if it was like, oh, you had your side to decorate and then his is just bare because he's a man.

SPEAKER_00 2:06

You know, like white with like one thing on the dresser, and like no, for real. There's like a glass of water. No, water? It would be a water bottle, not even a glass of water. It would be a water bottle, yeah. Yeah. Oh man, we have so much to catch up on. We are filming two days before Father's Day. What day is it? Today is it Friday? Yes. Yes, I think today's Friday. Yes, it is. We're filming two days before Father's Day, and it just so happened Dottie Girl's birthday is also on Father's Day. So we're dividing in concrete. That's crazy. I know it's crazy. Well, the nice thing is she really, really, really wanted to go to the pool for her birthday. Nothing's open on Sunday. So I'm like, we're gonna acknowledge her birthday and like we're just gonna spread it over a few days. It'll be fine. Yeah. So we're gonna like have her like birthday breakfast, like all of the things on Monday, and then we're doing like a big family party later in the week. But I'm like, we're gonna celebrate her actual birthday on Monday, but we're gonna acknowledge it. I don't know, we'll see how it goes. But I'm like, mm-hmm. Ryan needs a day two. The husbands do so much for us.

SPEAKER_01 3:16

Right, right. Well, the thing is, she's also young enough that she doesn't even necessarily know that, oh, birthday is a one-day thing, you know? Yes. Like, well, it's like my nephew Neymar, every birthday that has happened so far, he's like, and my birthday's tomorrow. And we're like, not quite, but like they don't they don't understand.

SPEAKER_00 3:35

No, literally. Piper thinks Piper's like, I'm turning three and then I will be four. And I'm like, no, like we're three for a long time.

SPEAKER_01 3:43

Like, we're we're you're like, girl, don't rush that for me.

SPEAKER_00 3:47

Like, let me have the time. I don't know though. She woke up this last week. She is another level of psycho dot. She has been so tantrumy, and I'm hoping it's a face. I love her so much, but girlfriend is strong-headed. So I'm like, are we in for are we in for crazy? Are we in for crazy time? Oh good. That's so that's so fun. What are you doing for Ty for Father's Day? We don't know. I keep asking him.

unknown 4:17

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_00 4:19

Danielle is down and out. We'll just start muting you. I'm so over.

SPEAKER_01 4:27

I'm so over.

unknown 4:30

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_01 4:31

No, I'm good. It's just anytime I try to breathe or laugh or talk or exist, I just cough. I just, I McKinley was like, I'd be fine with getting a cough. I'm like, no.

SPEAKER_00 4:42

No. You would for real like after like watching you and FaceTiming with you, I would be peeing my pants every four seconds. I would have to wear a diaper. Because like right now I sneeze, I move.

SPEAKER_01 4:54

It's so bad. It's literally, I have days where I have c well, I also have asthma, so it's like an extra, like I literally have had to use this like four times a day. Um and I have not had to use an inhaler until now. I think pregnancy ruined me a little bit. Oh no.

SPEAKER_00 5:10

As it does.

SPEAKER_01 5:10

I literally have had yes, I literally have had coughing fits that like it just you know when you're coughing and you have it just keeps going and you can't stop it. Yeah. And I have been this close to puking because of how tight my entire abdomen is because of coughing. And so I was like, no, McKinley's gonna be puking and peeing, and like I can't. I can't. I was like listen. At first I had it as like an invitation. I was like, it's up to you. I know, and I'm and then she's like, I could come and whatever. It's like, no, no, no, let me give you the deets. You will puke and you will pee, and you will give birth to that child early just because of the coughing.

SPEAKER_00 5:51

And she sends me an early labor for coughing. No, but listen, literal coughing. Actually, I think it because you guys know I have to drive, so it takes me like just over three hours to get there, and I have to pee 14 million times, so probably closer to three and a half. But whenever but I went to the chiropractor, and you know how I was like, the chiropractor is helping so much. This time around, yes, they didn't do like the ligament stretching, so they did this thing called the Webster method, and it's almost kind of like they like massaged it out, but also like stretched the ligament in certain ways, and then like they almost like released like all this weird nerve stuff. They didn't do that this time. I left in more pain, and it just barely kicked up like what day is it? Friday, it kicked up Wednesday. I'm like, I cannot imagine sitting in the car for seven hours. So I think it was kind of like blessing in disguise.

SPEAKER_01 6:43

God was like it 100% was because also we've been saying for months. Yes, for months and months. We're like, we need to do virtual, we need a virtual, and it was like, Well, what are we gonna do with this setup? And what about space? I literally think this was God being like, get off your bus. No, literally, and just do it. Like, pull yourself together. You've been saying for this long. Here, now you have to.

SPEAKER_00 7:06

Like, thanks, dude. Well, here's the thing the hard thing about virtual is our energy, like it's the same, but also it's kind of like we can't go off the vibes in person. And we were so worried about the setup, it's fine. Yeah, I'm gonna we're gonna do a trip, we're gonna get some more pink, and we're gonna pink a fy a setup at my house. So we'll be golden.

SPEAKER_01 7:29

It'll be great because also this means that this opens the door to like so many new things, and um, we're not gonna get into it today because we don't need to, but like it's coming. Oh yeah, and there are things that are coming. Uh-huh. And this is just the doorway for growth, I think. So we're gonna be working our tushies off, and I think I'm gonna have to work my tushy off a little bit more than McKinley for a minute because she's going to literally have a baby. Like, so baby.

SPEAKER_00 7:56

Okay, but here's the thing though. That's insane. No, it's actually kind of hurting my brain. Like, I don't think I think I was so mentally unwell the beginning of my pregnancy, and then I've had so much pain that it's just barely kind of like the nesting has started. So I'm like, oh no, no, no. I'm actually going to have a teeny tiny baby here soon. However, I think I shouldn't really knock on wood. Someone find me some wood. But I think that my hard was pregnancy. So I honestly feel like having the baby is going to be like, oh, like so much easier once I'm like because I already feel so much better, even though I'm still in pain, like it's kind of eased a little bit, and I'm mentally doing better. So I'm like, I'm really hoping that there will be a little bump transition and then I'm gonna just want to like get back in everything.

SPEAKER_01 8:49

Yeah. Because I don't like to that's how I was when I had Hayden, is I was like, uh, pregnancy was terrible. I don't care that I'm not sleeping or that I'm sitting on a donut or whatever. Like, I'll do that 45 times over every day if that means that I'm not pregnant anymore.

SPEAKER_00 9:04

Um, I don't know about you, but was pregnancy like, you know how you don't sleep very good pregnant? Was that not was pregnancy tired worse than newborn tired for you?

SPEAKER_01 9:14

190%. And I'm still to this day ticked off at every person who was ever like, just wait until you're really tired. I'm like, no. No, pregnancy tired. You slept through the night in over a year.

SPEAKER_00 9:26

No, it but it's worse when it like for some reason it's easier. Okay, actually, did I already did we already talk about this on here? Or is this with my friend? I don't know. I basically was talking to someone and I read a post that was saying that like your body when you're pregnant is still working because it's like making the baby and stuff, so you're not even like fully resting. Yes, like at least when you have a newborn and you're sleeping, you're actually like healing in a sense, you're not like creating life, like you're just giving every other second.

SPEAKER_01 9:55

It's like charging a battery as you're using it. Yes, it's literally just a consistent, like you can't fill up, so you're always at this, but you can go lower.

SPEAKER_00 10:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 10:04

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 10:04

I know. So that's where I'm. Anyway, it's freaking, it's crazy. Life has been freaking wrong. Life has been crazy. Is Hayden like changing overnight because she now that she's won? Oh my gosh. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 10:17

I feel like every time I see her, she looks like. It's so crazy. I love it. Like she literally, she has she's standing on her own. Did I tell you that? No. She can I have to send you the videos of her doing it. So she can stand on her own. She still has, she thinks she's she stands there like this and just like waits for everyone to cheer for her, and it's the cutest thing, and she won't like sit down till everyone cheers for her. Um and she still has no interest in walking. No interest? No. I'm a little bit afraid. She has no interest. I'll be like, come here, and she will immediately drop down and crawl to me. Like, immediately.

SPEAKER_00 10:54

Which of my daughters was like that? Rayla Roo. Rayla had zero interest in walking. And like we would try to like reach our hands out to her. We're like, come here, like, come on. Like, we try to give her walkers, nothing. One day she just picked up a baby doll and just started walking. Like, it was because she had something distracting her, and she just like walked across the room, and we were like, What is that dude?

SPEAKER_01 11:17

Haley will use walkers, yes. So, like, we've seen her do that and whatever, and that's like the most like she loves to walk when we're holding our fingers. She is like walking against walls right now. She's fast, but she has no interest in pulling her hands off and walking without holding on something. I'm like, girl, she's gonna do it one day when we're not looking. No, she literally Mara is always like, she's gonna she's gonna do it when you're not looking because of the fact that I feel like I'm talking so loud because I can't hear myself with this. I'm like, Yeah, we may have just audio because I'm yelling. A little bit. Um, but have you seen the Bluey episode of the I didn't even think the baby race. Yes, where you told me to watch that one. The mom's trying, yes, the mom's trying to get her to like crawl first before another baby. Yeah. And she learned how to scoot first before she learned how to crawl, and then she learned how to crawl backwards. Yeah. And then all those things. And that was like Hayden to a T. And so at the very end, spoiler alert, at the very end, Blueie walks to the mom, uh-huh, but it was like when she wasn't paying attention, and the whole like cute part is like maybe she saw something she wanted or whatever. Yeah. And so we're always like, she's gonna just walk up to me in the kitchen one day when I'm not paying attention, and yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:37

She's just gonna like walk across the room and be like, Here I'm later. You know what? That's like the best way though, because then it's just her own time. She's got her own schedule. I feel like when you force it, like, yeah, it's fun, but you're like, come on, come on. But she's just gonna shock you.

SPEAKER_01 12:53

I really don't think I'm ready for her to walk. And maybe that's part of the problem, is I'm like, uh, you know, I'm good, girl. Like, you could stay for a little bit longer.

SPEAKER_00 13:01

100% I'm a firm believer that it's easier when they're not mobile. Like, life is a lot easier when they're not getting into everything. And once she walks, she's gonna be running the next week.

SPEAKER_01 13:12

It's wild to me that there was a point in my and Thai's life and in Hayden's life where when she could not even roll over, we thought that we had to be watching her constantly. And I'm like, oh my gosh, we could have left her on the floor asleep and come back two hours later and she's I would never do that. But we could have come back two hours later and she still would have been asleep. Like 100%. That's insane.

SPEAKER_00 13:36

100%. I think it's so funny because when you're first-time parents, you think like you have to be hands-on and like every second, and just as they get older, you realize like, oh, I could have done these like oh man. Well, should we tell them what we're actually talking about now that we're 15 minutes almost into this? Yes, yes, yeah. We are going to be talking about some popular marriage advice slash relationship advice because I feel like this applies not only in marriages, but just like a serious relationship, like whether you've been dating for a long time, whatever, but that we disagree with. So something that we're not gonna be like, I agree with this. Danielle, how many did we each come up with? Eight?

SPEAKER_01 14:20

I think we each came up with eight, and I'm so sorry to everyone. We all know that I'm an opinionated girl. It is something that I am like slowly starting to regret more and more. Um, don't take any of this too seriously, people. I am just a jerk-faced brat.

SPEAKER_00 14:37

Also, we should mention that we are still young too. So, like, I don't know. Yes. Also, the other thing that's hard about sharing opinions like this online. I don't know if you feel this. You've been sharing a lot more for longer, but I feel like sometimes when you say something and then you change later, people are like, wait, but you said this. I have the like, I can change my mind. Like, that's fine. So don't take this for gospel. This is just what we're feeling as of now. And I think I went first, right? I did. Yeah. Okay. My first one, this if they wanted to, they would. Now let me expand on this. Okay. I disagree. Yeah, let's hear, let's hear. Because I feel like people assume that your spouse or your significant other can read your mind. They cannot. So, how are they supposed to know what they're supposed to do if you're not going to communicate? Oftentimes, if it's been communicated, then I think you can apply. If they wanted to, they would. But like, you can't expect your husband to buy you roses on your birthday if you've never been like, hey, I like roses on my birthday. Like, he's not just gonna randomly have the idea. However, there are times when if they wanted to, they would. Does apply, but I don't think it's like a blanket statement. If they wanted to be a good this or that, if they wanted to change, they would. Like sometimes you have to communicate that.

SPEAKER_01 16:00

Right. Right. I don't know. What is it? For us specifically, this does not apply for everyone. Yeah. But like something that I have to realize a lot with this statement is not only is it my first time being a wife, but it's Ty's first time being a husband. So he doesn't know if I want breakfast in bed when I have told him our entire relationship that I don't like breakfast. Yes. I don't like eating breakfast. Like, I don't. So how is he supposed to be like oh yeah, right? So how is it supposed to be like, oh, he never brings me back breakfast in bed, so he doesn't care. No, he does. Yes. But like, how is he supposed to know that if you're not like, hey, maybe I don't really like breakfast, but like I would love the gesture of breakfast in bed. Ty, I don't love breakfast in bed. I when you're watching this, I uh it's an example. The coffee in the morning is enough. I appreciate it. I love you so much. Dad's gonna have like a gourmet meal brought out on a tray. Right? He's gonna sit at the end of the bed and watch me eat it. He's like, come on, here you go. He's like, I will say I wanted to, so I would.

SPEAKER_00 17:04

Listen, I love breakfast in bed on my birthday or Mother's Day. I think that's so fun. Like, I love stuff like that. But I've actually never had it, so I'm not sure. But here's the thing I want to go make it with everyone, and then I want to get back in bed and have everyone in bed eating it. Like, I that sounds good. I love like it's a little different. Um, I think that's all for mine.

SPEAKER_01 17:24

Your okay, so this one is also they're all gonna be controversial. Don't walk away until the fight is over. I disagree to a certain the hard thing is about this is a lot of the time when people say this, it's to the extent of like, if you walk away, it means the fight is over and there's no communication further than that. Yes. Although I will say what I have found in my relationship where I am the one who talks more, and Ty is the one who listens more, and has a harder time I have a harder time not being overly emotional when I'm in the middle of it, and Ty has a harder time not automatically taking everything I'm saying and turning it into she's saying I'm bad, so therefore I'm a bad husband. Oh, and hurt. So we both have our things. So there are times where it's too much, so therefore I say, I need some time to get my emotion out of it. So we'll go and do our separate thing where if I need to still speak, I will send in a text or whatever, so I can just say, hey, I'm just getting the words out so I can process it better. And so that he can make sure that he's in a headspace of being open to what I have to say instead of taking whatever I'm saying and turning it into she thinks I'm a bad husband, she thinks I'm not doing it, like that kind of stuff, you know, where it's just really guilt, guilt, guilt, and then me of being frustrated. So I'm not saying all the time. I don't think it's a good idea to walk away and never return to the conversation again. But I do think that sometimes it's a good idea to walk away and come back an hour or two later after rage cleaning your house, recircle and say, Hey, I'm ready to talk about this again, and talk about it in a more responsible way where there's a little bit less emotion sometimes if you step away for a minute. 100%.

SPEAKER_00 19:12

That's what I mean by that. I totally agree. My I think I've talked about this before. I don't do really well. Like sometimes I'm not able to speak exactly what I'm feeling. Like, it almost takes me a minute to kind of like realize wait, no, this is actually how I feel because I can't get the words out that I'm feeling. Like, it takes me a minute to process. However, Riley is really, really, really good at like he can process, realize how he feels, and speak it right away. I can't. Like, I can know how I'm feeling, but I need a minute to put the words right in because it's not gonna come out right if I don't. Not a bad way. I just kind of think I don't I want to be very sure in how I feel, especially if it's like a bigger argument or a bigger disagreement or something more serious. So it's sometimes easier to be like, okay, I totally get where you're coming from. I want to feel, figure out how I feel now that I know how you feel, and then we can recircle. Uh-huh. I just don't think because what did it exactly say? Don't walk away. What was it?

SPEAKER_01 20:14

Until the fight is over.

SPEAKER_00 20:15

Until the fight is over. Here, listen. I don't, I don't agree with that. I actually kind of think I have a different one later on that's very similar. But oh really? Kind of. Well, I'll just bring it up now, actually. It's don't go to bed angry. I'm just gonna say that one now because I feel like that one kind of applies. I think it is so normal in a relationship. Here's my thing. I don't think we should ever like knock down, drag out, like be so frustrated that you can't stand being around them. But I think it's okay to not have everything completely subtled and like figured out right after something happens. Like it's okay to take some time to be like, wait, let's figure out what this work looks like. Because sometimes when you're struggling with, I'm trying to even think of an example. Like when you're struggling with extended family, say like you guys had a bigger disagreement about how you were gonna handle this huge family trip coming up or something, and that's not gonna get solved talking it over forever. Like it's okay to take a breath. Let's restart tomorrow. Everyone's emotions are gonna die down, like it'll be okay. Right. I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 21:22

Well, and sometimes the sleep and the tired can affect the irrationality of the conversation. 100%. So my biggest thing about the don't go to sleep angry is I like to flip it and just like, okay, you can go to sleep angry. Don't go to sleep without saying I love you.

SPEAKER_00 21:36

Like 100%.

SPEAKER_01 21:37

Don't go to sleep with the closed mindset of I'm angry and that's all. Go to sleep with, hey, I'm still frustrated, I love you, and I need some sleep to be able to figure this out tomorrow.

SPEAKER_00 21:46

I think I don't think you go to bed angry. I think you go to bed and say, Hey, you know what? Like, obviously, we're not gonna figure anything out tonight. I love you. Let's talk again tomorrow. Or if you guys have a crazy day, say you're or it's like the same thing. Like maybe you're on like a family vacation. Maybe you're doing something. Like there's a big day the next day. Like, hey, I acknowledge your feelings. Like, let's restart after we can have a better, more mature time to talk about that. Since I looped one of my name, do you want to do your next one? And I'll jump back.

SPEAKER_01 22:17

Um, sure. Okay. My next one is sex fixes everything. Quite the opposite sometimes. You're gonna have a yes. You're gonna have a very toxic, toxic, toxic relationship if that's the case. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah. I just there's there's a whole lot I can say, and there's a whole lot of nothing I can say, but I hear so many things that are like similar to this that I personally can't agree with. Like, hey, fight with your clothes off. I could not do that.

SPEAKER_00 22:51

I've never heard that.

SPEAKER_01 22:52

I could not do that.

SPEAKER_00 22:53

Are you serious?

SPEAKER_01 22:54

Really? Fight with your clothes off. So it's like fight with your clothes off because then it either turns into like a funny thing or a sexy thing. I personally cannot do that. And there I just feel like I've had a bad relationship with my body for so long, and I got to a point where I have a good one, and I just would worry that that would put an entirely different relationship that I have with Ty and my body and my own feelings about my body in like a weird flip of oh, we're just using this to fix a problem that deserves more communication. So that's also my thing about the fight with with your or fight naked or whatever. Yeah. It's like, okay, I understand what people mean when they're saying that, and I understand that it helps people, but for me, I have to finish the conversation. Oh, for sure. Just jumping into like. Yeah, jumping into whatever kind of yeah, it would not be the end of a conversation. And so by the end of that, I would still have those feelings, and I wouldn't want resentment towards Ty. Yeah. Because of the fact that I don't know. I don't know if I would feel used. I don't know if he would feel used. It's just not something I'm like cool with.

SPEAKER_00 24:13

I kind of feel like it's kind of that that would to me would feel like a alright, down and over, like kind of like conversation over like where you can't even doors closed kind of a situation. Right. However, I do think there is a time and a place where I I mean, listen, I need to be careful because I think my kids are now home, but oh wait, they're ready bikes, they're good. Listen, I do think a obviously sex is very important in a relationship, but I don't think there are times when like sometimes you haven't connected as often that it's like, hey, make we do need to reconnect, but it can't be because you fought. It can't be because you're like in the middle of a fight, like, all right, this is gonna fix everything. I think it's a good way to like solve, calm down, and then like reconnect, but I don't think that's ever a good way to solve anything. I also personally don't think I could ever be frustrated and then go into that.

SPEAKER_01 25:10

Yeah, I don't think that would be I don't know if I could do like like angry sex. I don't I don't know if I could. That's not the way. And I'm so sorry for family members who are listening and maybe not love this conversation, but I just feel like it's real. I don't know. I don't love this advice. I don't love it. And I've heard it.

SPEAKER_00 25:33

I don't like the pink it either. I actually don't like that at all.

SPEAKER_01 25:37

No, I don't like that.

SPEAKER_00 25:38

Okay, my next one that I disagree with is marriage is easy if you're with the right person. I don't agree with that. No. Because what do you mean marriage is easy? Because if your marriage is easy, either one of you is completely bypassing like how they're feeling. Like marriage is not easy, it takes work, it's easy when you're doing it correctly, but I don't think it's because you're with the right person. Like if a bump comes up in the road, you're like, everything in life takes work, you can't be like, all right, there's a bump. Yeah, sorry, we can't get through it. Marriage isn't easy. Yeah, you can still have difficult times when you're with the right person because honestly, a lot of times when you're having issues in a relationship, it's not even because of the relationships, it's because of like what's happening in life and like what's going like you could be postpartum, you could be having stresses at work, like there's so many other things that affect it that doesn't mean they're not the right person.

SPEAKER_01 26:37

Yeah, I don't know. I will say I feel like there's a difference between with other people I've dated in the past and how I knew that Ty was the one is I would ask myself with every person, when we are at our worst and our lowest, is this the person that I am willing to put everything on the line for to work it out with? And every person before that was like, no, I don't think that they I don't think that they would do the same for me, and I don't think that I could do the same for them. Because also arguments and whatever that I had with exes, it was always we were against each other. It was always I'm right and you're wrong. But with Ty, it's hey, here's the situation, here's what you did that made me feel this way. What did I do that might have triggered it? Let's move forward together. Like we rarely have, I don't think we've I can almost confidently say I don't think Ty and I have ever had a fight where we were against each other. Maybe once. And I poured a drink in his lap and we decided to never do that again. So I think it was one time ever. McKinley knows this story. I think it was one time ever, but ever since that point, we have moved forward together, and I feel like that's that's the easy, but that's not easy. That's it takes a lot of self-restraint and also self-reflection to be able to say, okay, you're not a problem. What you did triggered this in me. So therefore, let's talk about it. But you're not a problem. And it takes a lot of the same restraint and reflection and self-responsibility from the other person to be able to say, I don't feel attacked by what you're saying. And also, this is what you did that made me feel this way. I totally agree. Like all that kind of stuff. I totally agree.

SPEAKER_00 28:24

I also kind of think when you are fighting against each other, okay, something that Riley and I do that's really helpful is we always kind of remind each other, hey, like we're on the same team. We just need to figure out like we're always on the same team. We just need to figure out like where you're coming from and where I'm coming from. And I think that reminder of like, hey, right, I'm not mad at you. Like, it's not your fault. I just want to understand so that I can like see where you're coming from, so that you can see where I'm coming from. That's like one of our favorite phrases to say is hey, um, we're on the same team, and then we kind of go from there. Should I do two since we're off weird? Yeah, you do two. I actually don't like that. Okay. Everything should be 50-50. Everything should be 50-50 and split responsibilities. I also have heard like this is a pink job. We have pink jobs and we have blue jobs. Like, we have these like little have you heard that?

unknown 29:25

No.

SPEAKER_00 29:26

Pink jobs is like for women, blue jobs are for the men. So, like taking out the trash, only blue job, like taking care of the kids, pink job. Like different things like that, kind of like gender roles. I don't believe everything should be 50-50 because personally, I'm in a phase of life that I can't take 50% of anything because I'm having so much happening right now. So I feel like Riley is really having to give more like 60-70 sometimes, and I am falling slightly behind. But I think there's ebbs and flows because I think it kind of depends on what's happening. I just don't ever think everything emotionally wise should be 50-50. However, I do think there that things should be split evenly depending on like circumstances. Does that make sense?

SPEAKER_01 30:17

What do you mean by that? What do you mean by that?

SPEAKER_00 30:19

Like housework and stuff like that. Like splitting responsibility, I don't think all cleaning should be the woman's job. Like, I don't think all No, I think it needs to be split evenly, but I think a blanket statement of like she does the cooking, he does the um providing, like, I don't love that. Like, I think it has to be like a right.

SPEAKER_01 30:39

I love analogies, okay? I love some analogies. Um, have you seen the challenge where people get like a banana or like a potato and they try to cut it perfectly even and then they weigh it after to see who got more like exactly half like no, I haven't.

SPEAKER_00 30:55

Is it on TikTok right now?

SPEAKER_01 30:57

So yes, and I think there's an actual TV show of it too. So like if you take a banana and it's I don't know how much a banana weighs, so please don't judge me. But let's say it's eight grams. That is it's more than eight grams. So let's say it's eight grams. You try to split it and get closest to exactly four. Yeah. But a lot of the time it's like a little bit off. That's kind of what I think of when it comes to trying to do 50-50 in a relationship. I don't think it has to be. Um, I think there's always going to be a point where one person is carrying a little bit more. Um, because I also feel like there are different things in a relationship that are heavier than others. So while one person's carrying three things, another person could be carrying seven. And while one person's carrying one thing, I agree. The other person could be, you know, like some of the weight distribution.

SPEAKER_00 31:45

I like that a lot.

SPEAKER_01 31:46

Yes. That's good. Yes. So it's like you could be trying to do 50-50. Um, like for example, yesterday I was working all day long. All day long. And so Ty had Hayden for a lot of the day, and then I had her for the second half of the day because he had some stuff with friends, because we try to make sure that he gets his time and I get my time right. Uh-huh. So there are days where I am full hands-on mom and that's all I am. And there are days where I'm full hands-on working mom, and there are days where Ty is full hands-on working dad. So not only do we have one camera that we can have technical issues on, we now have two cameras that we can have technical issues on. So we had an overheating.

SPEAKER_00 32:29

Buckle up, baby.

SPEAKER_01 32:31

Yeah, it's great. It's fine. It's fine. Okay, so next one is something I very much disagree with, and that's you need to share all hobbies and interests. No. How can you possibly do that? Ty and I are so 190% different in our interests and hobbies that I don't even think that the other person would still be the other person if they tried to be interested in the other. Does that make sense?

SPEAKER_00 32:59

No, like if you tried to have them have everything the same, like you wouldn't. Yeah. Although, with this, I think you don't need to share all, but I think you need to share some. Like you have to have things that you connect with and that you enjoy doing together. And I almost kind of think it's better when you have things that you enjoy to do together that is a little separate.

SPEAKER_01 33:23

Like exactly that's what keeps interesting. Right. I also think that it's you're not gonna be able to share all hobbies and interests, but it's still important to show that you care about their hobbies and interests, you know? I just think it's not just like uh yeah, I'm not interested, so therefore I'm not going to. Like Ty loves like DD and Magic the Gathering. He loves it. Yes. And my siblings are so into it, and he has friends and siblings who are into it, and I cannot understand a word that's coming out of his mouth when he's talking about it. But I try so hard to be like, yeah, well, what about this? What about this? How does this work? Even though I don't understand it, because also me and games of any kind are like in one ear and out the other. I cannot do it. Um like all board games? Yes, I can't. Really? I literally am like dyslexic when it comes to board games.

SPEAKER_00 34:14

I love a good board game. I love a good card game.

SPEAKER_01 34:16

I love card games, but it takes me like five to seven business days to learn a new game. Are you serious? But I could not. It took me like five times of trying to play to learn how to play Uno. No, Uno?

SPEAKER_00 34:31

Yep. Danielle.

SPEAKER_01 34:32

I can't. I can't. I can't. And I'm also ridiculously competitive. So there are few people that I will play like actual competitive games with because there are too many bad words that come out of my mouth. Yeah, there are way too many bad words that come unwillingly out of my mouth, and too many names that come out that I call people. So I choose not to.

SPEAKER_00 34:52

Anyway, but That's hilarious.

SPEAKER_01 34:54

It's just like I don't understand ties. He doesn't understand mine, but like he's always like, hey, how's gardening? How's reading? How's this? Even though he doesn't understand or necessarily care as much as I do, he cares that I care. So therefore he's trying to show that, you know. I think that's important.

SPEAKER_00 35:13

I think it's like all the support, like supporting and like making sure that like your spouse or significant other knows that, like, hey, like Riley, I'm probably not gonna go jump on the basketball court and throw down some threes, but like, hey, if you want to go do a pickup game with some guys, like go do it. Right. Thank the heavens above that there are people that like like Nyx, Nyx fills that cup for him. That's so good. That's so good. Oh man. Okay, the next one that I did. Okay, I always forget. I have to like reread it because I'm like, did I write it how I agree with it? Or how disagree. Right, right, right. Okay, so keeping finances separate keeps both parties even. I disagree so hard with this. So do I. But I know this is like a very controversial thing. It is very controversial. A lot of people fully believe like everything should be separate with finances. And for me in my relationship, the second we knew we wanted to be together, everything was just combined. And that's been the best thing for us.

SPEAKER_01 36:20

I love that.

SPEAKER_00 36:20

How do you feel about that though?

SPEAKER_01 36:21

I before I dive in more. I personally don't think that people should have separate. Um, for me, honestly, it's kind of hard because Ty and I both work, so it's like I can't really speak for other people. Um, Ty still has a separate account, and that is strictly because he he calls our money my money, and he doesn't want to see how much money goes in and out of the account for like monthly expenses and what I buy and what he buys and well what what we buy. He wants to spend what money he gets on me, but not take it out of my account, even though it's ours and we both work for that. Um we're getting better. He's now the finance guy of the family, so he has to see how much money's going in now. And we have been using his account as our joint one since we got scammed. So now everything's getting transferred to our new one, and I think we're gonna just fizzle out on that. But I don't think I personally feel like keeping separate can create a lot of resentment because you start saying, Well, I bought lunch last for the both of us, so it's your turn. It's like, but you guys are together.

SPEAKER_00 37:44

Oh, you know, can I tell you one of my biggest icks that frustrates me so bad? You know how on Venmo you can like, a lot of people have privated it now, but like you could see like when people were sending money. It drove me nuts when I would see couples Venmoing each other, like lunch, car, dinner, and I was like, no, like this is so weird, like it's not even funny. Like, I think it's so weird. However, I will say something that Riley and I do do. Like, we both have our own Venmo accounts, and like we don't really care. Like, when like so, say someone Venmos Riley, like he can spend that money. Someone Venmos me, like I can spend. We just kind of have this rule that like it doesn't really matter like what you spend the money on. Like, obviously, if it's a bigger purchase, like check in. Like, yeah, those types of things. Like, I don't feel the need to micromanage him, he doesn't feel the need to micromanage me. But like, obviously, we're gonna go buy something a little bit more. We're gonna check in with each other and be like, hey, just so you know, like I'm thinking about this. But I just think that's something that's always bothered me is when people are like, I bought dinner today, you buy dinner tomorrow, or I'll do the groceries, you do the bills. I'm like, how do you do that? Like, that seems so stressful. But also, I was a stay-at-home mom, so I know that that's slightly different too. Right. I mean, I'm not anymore, but like we've always just kind of had combined everything, so it makes sense to me. Right. I do see the world in which, like, if I was older and more established, and like say, I don't know, like more like our parents' age, like if they were to divorce and then remarry, like that would make sense to keep separate. But starting to do it.

SPEAKER_01 39:30

It kind of just seems like you're prepping, you know.

SPEAKER_00 39:34

Yeah, see, it's so tricky. Like, like there's so many lines, but for me, keeping finances separate like is a no-go. Like, I can't, we have to combine it.

SPEAKER_01 39:46

I do understand the couples that do like they have their joint, but then like every month they both have a certain amount of like allowance that they can spend half ever they want. But like, I I feel like that's different than saying, like, oh well, I bought dinner, so now you have to buy dinner or else we're not even, you know.

SPEAKER_00 40:03

100%. Well, I totally agree with that. I think it's important too. Like, I also feel like people are kind of funky about money that like some people do have to be like, all right, each month, even budget-wise, like, hey, we have this much spending money, you have this, I have this. Right. Like, I think that's totally normal. Right. I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 40:21

People probably disagree with that, but that is one of my people are also gonna disagree with this one. Um, and let me let me explain before y'all flame me. Um, always put your kids first. I don't agree with this one um fully. There are certain whatever, but I personally believe, and something that Ty and I talk about all the time, is how are you supposed to be a parent if you are not being a wife or husband first? It's different if you're a single parent and that's all you have to focus on. But when you have the baseline of your family being husband and wife, you have to have that and you have to make sure that's stable to be able to ensure that you can have a stable relationship with your kids. Because if you have I agree. Like, like you have you guys saw the episodes with my parents where it was like they were struggling, whatever. We didn't have a lot of connection all together as a family, as siblings, as parents and kids, as parents and parents, you know, we didn't have a whole lot of connection because of the fact that my parents were struggling with their connection. And so if there was ever a point where they were trying to put like us first, it was like, okay, that's great, but like it it's it's so hard because there are certain situations where it has to be, but how are you supposed to have that connection with your kids if there is a clear disconnect as a relationship, you know?

SPEAKER_00 41:49

Yeah, okay, I kind of I agree with this too. I always say me and Riley's relationship, like I always want to make sure Riley and I are on the same page and it's not like me. That see, that's where it gets so tricky because it's like obviously as a parent, you're gonna put your kids first. However, I feel like when you are parenting in a healthy relationship with husband and wife, there you can't be like, Well, I think we should do this with the kids, and they can't say, I think we should do this with the kids, because then there's gonna be that disconnect. Like, I kind of think you need to be on the same page and on the same wavelength, or else there's going to feel contention and you're gonna feel the divide and you're gonna feel the weird. I personally believe, and that's just kind of how Riley and are that like our relationship comes first because together we are better parents. Yes, and I'm a better mom when I'm on the same page with Riley, and Riley's a better dad when he's on the same page with me. Like we work better when we are a team, not against each other. Right. However, if there is like crazy like going through divorce, things like that, like there's gonna be times obviously you put the kids first. We're not saying neglect the kids in order to take care of your relationship. We're not saying that, we're more so meaning.

SPEAKER_01 43:11

No, like for example, you your relationship and how your relationship is is going to affect your kids' future relationships so much, whether that's good or bad. So let's say that you are having a disagreement with one of your kids because they went and asked mom, Hey, can I do this? And mom said no, and now they're asking you. If Ty were to look at Hayden and say, Oh no, you're fine to do that, maybe you don't realize, but you're showing your kids that you're picking your child over your spouse in that situation. And so, therefore, how do you know that that's not going to later create something for them of an expectation of they're not going to have my back, they're not going to support me. So it's like it's Not in situations where it's deliberately wrong. But if I tell Hayden one day, hey, I want your curfew to be ten o'clock, and I tell Ty, I want her per curfew to be ten o'clock, and Hayden goes to Ty and says, but can I have 11 o'clock? And he says, Your mom said 10 o'clock, so your curfew's 10 o'clock. I know that Ty has my back. And Hayden also knows that Ty has my back. So therefore, that's going to help her with her future relationships of knowing that she wants someone who's going to have her back. Does that make sense?

SPEAKER_00 44:31

Well, I almost kind of think it's like if you turn it into like a teenage situation like that, like hey, curfew's 10 o'clock. Mom said curfew's 10 o'clock. If dad were to say, no, it's fine if you come home at 11, that would be like, okay, so what mom said didn't really matter. Yeah. I can go to dad and get kind of more what I want.

SPEAKER_01 44:51

You're creating sides.

SPEAKER_00 44:54

Yes, we almost experience that on like more of a snacks level right now. Like, can I have pops call? Like, no, not right now. Wait. So I think something that's helped us with that is like, hey, what did mom say? We asked the kids, but our also kids are really young and they're kind of smart that they're like, mom said yes. So we're like, okay, let's go talk about it. Like, let's make sure we're on the same page so that it's not right. It's not a little messy. All right, my next one. Never change for your partner. I don't believe you should never change for your partner. Yeah. However, I don't think you should change everything. I do think there are things that you should be willing to change and like give it a try. Does that make sense? Like, yeah. Like my biggest example here, though, you know the love language. It's like some people's love language is uh is physical touch, some is emotionally quality time. Yeah. More so in that way, like I think it's like if your husband really needs more quality time and you're more of a gifts person and that's how you give love, their cup isn't gonna be filled. So, like, you kind of gotta try to be more of a quality time person instead of always giving gifts. Right. But I do think you can't change every single thing about yourself in order to mold yourself to be the person that your husband needs, if that makes sense. Because I think that gets into dangerous territory.

SPEAKER_01 46:17

Yeah. I feel like you can do things to be more of what your spouse needs, and I'm not saying like change yourself, but if they're saying, hey, I know you're having a hard, I know you've like for me and Ty, he's had a hard time his entire life pinpointing his emotions and feelings and explaining his emotions and feelings. So he's kind of just suppressed them his entire life, and it's something that he's really working hard on because he felt like his whole life that his emotions and feelings weren't really important to others around him.

SPEAKER_00 46:50

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_01 46:50

And so I'm trying to show him, hey, your emotions and feelings are important to me, so therefore he's trying to change that mindset. So I feel like that's important. But if I were trying to tell Ty, I want you to stop liking Magic the Gathering, and I want you to start liking gardening because that's my thing. That's that's toxic. That's not okay. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 47:12

I really think a lot of this, now that I'm kind of thinking about it, is so much about like communication and just being like open to working on things. I have a very controversial.

SPEAKER_01 47:24

Yes, I have a very controversial version of this where we live. This is an often put thing. Um, this is just as toxic if you are looking at someone you care about and expecting them to be as religious and in the same religion as you because you think it's good for them, but they don't believe in it. That is just as toxic, and that's not okay either.

SPEAKER_00 47:47

Oh, for sure. I think that goes for beliefs, whether they're like evolving. Like, I think that can apply to so many different things. Yeah. But I also kind of tangenting off of that, never change for your partner. I don't think that you have to, if someone 10 years into a relationship decides, hey, you know what, I don't know what I think about this. Like you can't expect your partner to then change their beliefs too. Like I think, I think I don't know. I think it goes so many ways. And that's what's hard about these, is I don't agree with it. But then there's gonna be times that it's like, okay, well, maybe. Right.

SPEAKER_01 48:21

You know? Right. My next one is don't ever fight slash don't ever let your kids hear you fight. I very, very, very, very, very much so disagree with this. Very much so. I know couples that never fight and their relationships are they have no depth. They have they talk four times a day. It's the same thing every day of hey, good morning, four times. Hey, this was great, good night, love you, whatever. Like, and I'm not saying they're terrible people, I'm just saying like they don't have the depth of, hey, we had this issue, we got through it, we grew. I don't think you I'm not saying like screaming at each other's faces need to happen. I'm not I'm saying conflict and confrontation is so important in relationships, and for the people who don't allow that, you are putting so many walls around yourself and your relationship. It kind of just feels like uh, hey, I don't trust you in this relationship to be someone that can work through this and to be someone that can hear this. Um, to the next part of that is don't ever let your kids hear you fight. I think it's so important to let kids hear again, not the screaming at each other's faces, but disagreements, how they start, how the middle is, and how it's resolved. Because kids need to see how fights go and how disagreements with your spouse go, and how it's completely normal to sit disagree because there are so many people in the world that get into a relationship, and the second they have a disagreement, they're terrified that they're gonna get a divorce. They're like, I'm done.

SPEAKER_00 49:53

Yep. No, oh, for sure. You know what? My my kind of take on this is no, I don't think the kids need to be involved in every conversation, all of those things. However, it is so you want your kids to see a healthy amount of conflict, yeah, but they also in turn need to see the resolution. Right. I think it's so good for kids to see, hey, you know what? Maybe mom and dad don't agree with what we're having for dinner, but they figured it out and then they decided. Like, I also don't think it's healthy for them to be like, your kids are like, oh, mom and dad, we're fighting today, but not see the resolution at all. Like, I'm a firm believer that like as much, not in a full resolution, but at least like a hey, we're gonna talk about it later. Like something. Yeah, I don't know. That's just something that I've always been bid on.

SPEAKER_01 50:44

Right. I think you should do a couple more. Yeah, I'll do it. Oh, I remember my next one. You do yours. Okay, so I I'm sorry. This is one where Danielle's gonna be opinionated and people are gonna be triggered. Don't take it. The look. It's perfectly yeah, it's perfectly fine to sleep in separate beds. I could not disagree more. And I know there are people in the world that's like, oh, we have separate bedrooms. I think y'all are crazy. I really think so. I don't know. I personally look forward to sleeping next to Ty every single night, every single day. When I'm having a bad day, 100%, or I haven't seen Ty enough, I'll sit and say, Well, at least I know I get that with him. And so I personally have seen so much again, don't feel triggered, people who do this. This is just how I feel. This is Danielle's reactions. Please don't feel triggered. But there are relationships where I see couples where one of them is like, oh, like they look for every reason to sleep in the guest room of like, I have a long day at work tomorrow, or I have they have a cough, or I have a runny nose and I don't want to get them sick. Like every excuse possible to sleep in the other room, my heart would be shattered. Genuinely. Oh yeah. If Ty was like, oh, I have a runny nose, so I'm gonna go sleep in the other room so I don't get you sick. I would grab him by his ear and throw him in our room and sit on top of him until I got a runny nose.

SPEAKER_00 52:20

Just to prove that I don't care. I don't think I would sleep. Like, I don't think I can do it. I will say, I have a little slight funny story. One time I was real angry. Can I remember what it was about? No, I actually have no idea. But I was ticked and I don't get like worked up very easy. I finally was like, I'm going to sleep on the couch stairs. And we'd been talking for so long in bed, and I was just being a brat. Like, truly, I really was being a brat. And I marched myself downstairs, and literally, like four steps behind me is Riley with a pillow and a blanket following me. That is ionic. He's like, if you're sleeping downstairs, I'm sleeping downstairs. Wait in the couch, like so mad. And I was, I think I was either pregnant or like early pregnant, or freshly, it wouldn't have been freshly postpartum. I had to have been early. Guys, I am not nice when I'm pregnant. I'm so mean. I'm so ragy. I need to like take a chill pill. What's happening? So that's my funny story. That's iconic. Obviously, I know. Literally, he like like four steps behind me. I'm like, are you serious?

SPEAKER_01 53:35

I love that. Ty slept on the couch the other night, actually. Um, not because he was in trouble, but because he literally sat down to watch TikTok and fell asleep. I was so ticked.

SPEAKER_00 53:45

That is so that's my goodness.

SPEAKER_01 53:47

Yeah, yeah. So we actually have a couple more, but um, this episode has gone on long enough. So I will say, if you guys want to hear our other controversial ones, we'll do a review. We could also maybe do like just dating in general. I think that would be fun to do. Oh, for sure. Um, but comment what you guys want to see. Red flags. Yes, yeah. Comment what you guys want to see. Um, of course, thank you guys for watching. Always remember that you are worth it. Love you bye. Love you bye.