Teaser: PowerPoint Johanna: Helping, Fixing, and Learning to Sit in the Suck

I recently had one of those painfully humbling realizations...

I thought I was being supportive.

Turns out, somewhere around the third sentence, I'd already diagnosed the problem, developed three possible solutions, and mentally opened PowerPoint.

Oof.

Next week, we're talking about the difference between helping and fixing, why not every conversation is a request for advice, and why people often need connection more than they need our solutions.

If you're a helper, fixer, parent, coach, leader, volunteer - or a recovering people-pleaser - you might recognize yourself in this one.

🎧 New episodes of Transformative Journeys with Johanna are released every other Monday.

🎵 Music: Back Roads – Will Harrison (courtesy of Epidemic Sound)

🌐 Website: https://transformativejourneys.ca

💜 Thanks for listening. And remember... it doesn't matter if you fall. It's how well you bounce.

Transcript

Hey — missing me already?

If you're catching an in-between week of the podcast, here's a little taste of what I've got coming for you next Monday.

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This, my friends, is the episode where I tell you what a terrible person I am.

Just kidding.

Sort of.

What I'm actually going to tell you is a story about how I recently discovered that when people come to me with a problem, there's a decent chance I've already identified three root causes… pulled out my whiteboard to build a flow chart… and opened PowerPoint before they've finished the third sentence.

And unfortunately...

I'm not entirely joking.

Not too long ago at work, someone was telling me about a difficult situation they were dealing with.

And at the time, I thought I was listening.

I thought I was being supportive.

I thought I was helping.

Then later, while I was driving home from work, the realization hit me that...

She wasn’t coming to me with a problem.

She was coming to me with her feelings about the problem.

But before they'd even finished explaining the situation...

Good old Power Point Johanna was ready.

Identifying the problem.

Diagnosing the root cause.

Developing three personalized possible solutions.

Creating a strategic implementation plan.

And was halfway through preparing the PowerPoint presentation outlining all of this so they could put it into place after they walked away.

Oof.

Now, here's where you can give me at least a little credit.

I didn't actually email them the PowerPoint presentation to her afterwards.

But the realization of what that conversation represented sent me down a rabbit hole.

And the part that made me really uncomfortable – was the realization that not only was this not the first time I’d done it…

And then realizing that probably wasn’t even the hundredth time I’d done it.

Was, how often was I doing this when I thought I was being supportive and helping people?

Now hear me out for just a second… because I actually can be a very good listener. Part of my training as a Volunteer Family Guide for Threads of Life was not just “active listening” – but active listening with depth.

And one of my favourite quotes is, “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply” by Stephen Covey.

So you might now be asking… what the hell was I doing that day then? Because it sure wasn’t either active listening – or listening with the intent to understand.

But it wasn’t really listening with the intent to reply so much…

As it was listening with the intent to fix.

And one thing I've learned about myself is that I have a pretty strong action bias.

Once I’ve made a decision – I want to do.

I like progress… I like figuring out how to move things forward... 

I like solutions.

And in a lot of situations… you know… that serves me pretty really well.

But every strength, I think has… the potential for shadow side.

And one of the shadow sides of action bias is that sometimes – especially with people I care about - I don't spend enough time sitting with the person’s feelings about a problem before I start trying to solve it.

But the truth is...

Not every conversation is a request for advice.

Not every problem actually has a solution. At least not right away.

And even when it does...

People don't need my fucking PowerPoint.

They need connection.

And I need to work on not trying to fix things that just aren’t mine to fix.

So next week, we're talking about helping versus fixing, empathy, active listening, and why supporting someone through something difficult is often much harder than offering advice.

Because apparently, after decades of helping people in my volunteer role, and personally...

I've discovered I still have a thing or two to learn.

And if you're anything like me...

there's a decent chance you might recognize yourself in this one too.

I'll see you right back here next Monday.

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