🎶 Episode 4 – You’re Nobody Till Somebody Loves You 💔

Remember that old Dean Martin song?
 “You’re nobody till somebody loves you…”

This episode dives into how scammers exploit one of our deepest human needs: the desire to feel wanted, special, and seen. I break down how they mirror your hopes, reflect your values, and use affection as a weapon — until you’re hooked on a fantasy that was never real.

We’ll explore the early tactics they use to pull you in, the red flags you might miss, and how love bombing isn’t about love at all. It’s manipulation, plain and simple.

If you've ever asked yourself, "How did I fall for this?" — this episode is for you.

Transcript

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Episode four. You're nobody Tell Somebody loves you. Remember that old Dean Martin song from the sixties? You're Nobody Tell Somebody Loves You. Yeah, that's the one. I'll spare you the vocals and just give you a couple of lines in the lyrics. Your nobody tell Somebody cares. So go on, find yourself somebody to love. Sure. Sounds easy enough because nothing screams healthy self-worth, like the idea that you don't really exist until someone else validates you. We've been humming along with that message for decades, like it's romantic, not quietly horrifying. But here's the kicker. What happens when that's somebody who finally notices you isn't real? What if they're just a con artist? In a borrowed identity pretending to care just long enough to empty your bank accounts. Suddenly that cheerful little tune becomes a soundtrack to a heist movie starring you as the mark. Before I go any further, I just want to pause and tell you a little bit more about myself because there's this perception out there that people love to believe. That romance scams only happen to people who are isolated or desperate, that they're lonely in some broken, pathetic way. Like they're all sitting in assisted living watching television with nothing better to do than answer communications they receive from strangers. That's not the case, and it's definitely not me. I didn't then, and I still don't now consider myself a lonely person. For over 25 years, I've had the same close-knit circle of incredible women friends. I come from a large family and I have great relationships with my siblings and their spouses, and I have my two sons who are not only good to me, but also my closest allies in life. And yet even with all that love and connection. There are still moments that I felt noticeably alone. Not all the time, just in moments like at the family reunion we have every year my siblings arrive with their spouses, their children, and now even their children's spouses. I am one of three siblings in the family without a partner, and while that usually doesn't bother me. It becomes more glaring in certain moments, like when there's dancing after dinner or when everyone parts ways for the night, and I'm the one walking away alone. I don't think my family gives it a second thought. It's just been the norm for years, but for me, every now and then it stings. I feel a quiet ache. A small wish that I had someone there. Just for me, the thing about not having a companion is, well, number one, I never thought this is the path I would be on. I was raised in a rural part of the country at a time where not much was expected of women beyond helping out on the farm, finishing high school, maybe a couple of years of college while looking for a husband, then get married and have babies. No one ever talked about having a plan B, and I never thought I'd need one. But here's the point. You don't have to be desperately lonely to desire more to want a relationship, a companion, a partner in life. The feeling isn't the same as being lonely. It's the pull of one of our most powerful human needs to love and to be loved, to matter deeply to someone. It is why people have relationships and or get married in the first place. I recently read an article in Psychology Today authored by Bruce Lee. No, not that Bruce Lee, but an MD and an MBA titled the number One Problem with Single Hood. He said that one of the hardest parts about being single is feeling like you're not anyone's, number one that really hit the nail on the head for me. If you've been without a life partner for a period of time, you know exactly what he is talking about. He said, there's something incredibly comforting. And knowing that someone wakes up, wondering how you're doing that you are the first person they think of when they're planning their day or when something significant happens, good or bad, you are the one they want to share it with. There's a kind of emotional security in having someone who wants to experience life's first with you or to hear about them from you. First. Scammers know that ACHE exists, that yearning for a committed relationship, and they weaponize it. Let's reflect back on the three men I talked about last time, who all reached out to me. Let's look at how they seized on the opportunity and what they all had in common. First, did you notice the similarities in their approach? Each one was out of the blue. Second, they all had dead spouses and backstories. That automatically triggers the compassion centers in our brains and manipulates us into thinking they must be lonely and looking for companionship and hoping that we are as well. This is the beginning of emotional manipulation. Next, although I don't remember if the first man told me about his religion, the other two, both profess to be very devout Catholics. Why do you think this is? Well, where I live, if you're religious, then you are perceived to be honest and trustworthy. It's important that they make you believe this so they can start to gain your trust. Next. They all profess to be well educated and have professional jobs. They want you to think that they're very comfortable financially and that they would be an asset in your life. I believe most singles would welcome more financial stability in their lives. Right next. I find it very interesting that both men seem concerned that I might be talking to another. It makes me wonder if a team targets a particular media site in waves looking for targets and they don't want any competition from the person in the next cubicle. I don't know if that's the case, but I do wonder about it. So here's the takeaway. Even though each man had a different approach to their situation, the following things came up repeatedly. This is part of their script, cold calling. It's accomplished through a variety of social media sites, dead spouses, devout religious affiliation. In my case, Catholic, well educated and professional careers. Common professions I've heard of are on oil rigs, gym and or jewelry business, real estate, high ranking military doctors, engineers. Independent contractors, business owners, and even celebrities. It involves frequent travel overseas for their jobs. They're financially independent. They may fame concern about you talking to anyone but them. All three of my contacts happened to be foreign. The two I spoke with had very noticeable accents, but all said that they had moved to the us. These aren't coincidences. They are tactics. They are training points for a script. Scammers are sophisticated, organized, and relentless. They study their victims. They refine their tactics, they adapt, they do not care about you. The best defense awareness, knowledge, action. Next time on Romance Scam Rebellion, we'll be talking about the digital ambush and how to recognize deception. Until then, just keep in mind that self-compassion isn't weakness. It's resistance.