Spiritual Dating

Are Your Expectations Blocking The Love You Desire?

• Joe Amoia • Episode 6

Share episode

Could your expectations be the very thing keeping you from finding lasting love? If you're a spiritually-minded woman who feels like no man measures up, this episode delivers a crucial perspective shift that might transform your entire dating experience.

Most of us confuse expectations with standards, creating a subtle but powerful barrier to the love we desire. Expectations arise from our mind and ego—they're our mental checklist of how we think a partner should look, act, and behave. When these aren't met, we feel disappointment, frustration, and even anger. Standards, however, emerge from our heart, soul, and divine connection. They represent our authentic boundaries and non-negotiable values that honor our worth.

The divine wants you to experience extraordinary love with someone who sees your true essence. Your soul's desires and God's will are perfectly aligned—they're one and the same. Yet when we operate from rigid expectations rather than heart-centered standards, we create a low vibrational frequency that actually repels the love meant for us. Through personal stories and spiritual insights, this episode reveals why the relationship container God designs for us is about growth and connection, not perfection.

Take time for mirror work to identify where your expectations might be working against you. Are you dismissing potential partners based on superficial criteria? Are you seeking butterflies instead of genuine connection? By replacing expectations with clear, soul-aligned standards, you open yourself to divine guidance in your love life. The relationship your heart truly desires becomes possible when you allow God to lead the way.

Feel free to contact me with any questions/comments you may have about this episode via email at drjoeamoia@gmail.com

You can also send a DM and follow me on instagram or reach out in our facebook group. You can also find more inspiring and empowering content on my YouTube channel.

I aways love hearing from you!

Speaker 1:

Are you having a hard time finding a guy who will live up to your expectations? Well, if so, I want you to pay close attention, because in this episode, we're going to be talking about how your expectations might be the problem that's keeping you single. Welcome to the Spiritual Dating Podcast, where spirituality, psychology and successful dating strategies come together to help you turn the love you desire into a reality. I'm your host, joe Amoya, your spiritual dating and relationship coach. If you're a spiritually grounded woman who has almost everything you want except a great guy to share your life with, you're in the right place. If you're done settling, settling, tired of the dating merry-go-round, and ready to attract a high quality, emotionally available man who will love you the way god created you to be loved, this podcast is for you. I'm here to show you how to date smarter, love deeper and create the kind of relationship your heart desires and truly deserves. Hello, beautiful souls, it's Joe, and I'm so excited to be spending this time with you again today. Let me ask you a question have you ever been told you're too picky? Let me ask you a question have you ever been told you're too picky? Do you feel that you're a great catch and you've worked really hard to become the amazing woman you are and you have really high expectations from guys and you're finding that you can't meet guys who live up to those expectations. Well, I totally get it. What we're going to talk about today is it's your expectations that might be the exact problem to why you're still single and not in the relationship that your heart desires and that God wants for you. So here's the deal, because you know we only speak the truth here. Here's the deal, because you know we only speak the truth here. God wants you to be with a man who makes you happy Let me preface it the last lyrics again who makes your heart and soul happy, not your mind and your ego, because that's a different story. God wants you to be with a man. If you've worked really hard to become the woman that you are. God wants you to be with a man who is your equal. God doesn't want you to settle and just think about that. If you were God and you created an amazing divine creation such as you created an amazing divine creation such as you don't you want it to have the greatest love possible with a man who loves you, who values you, who adores you, who's 100% committed to you, who gives you everything that your heart desires. That makes sense, right? But here's the deal. Your expectations are different than God's desires for you or what your heart and your soul desires. So bear with me on this.

Speaker 1:

The expectations often come from our mind and from our ego, like we expect things from others. That's what an expectation is. We expect things, and if we don't get what we want, what we expect, what happens? We tend to get upset, we tend to get mad, we tend to get frustrated, pissed off, angry, depressed. You name all those emotions. Those are not emotions that come from our true nature, who we really are. Those are emotions associated with our mind and our human mind or ego, what I call is our meat suit.

Speaker 1:

So your expectations are going to set yourself up for disappointment, because what happens is that your expectations usually get met and you're like, hey, this is great, this is exactly what I wanted, and that lasts for a while. But then what you're going to find out is that sooner or later, the expectations aren't being met and now you're upset, now you're pissed off, you're angry, resentful, all those things. So I know you're listening to this going, but if I don't have any expectations. I just have to settle? No, not at all. See, you need to replace your expectations with your standards, with your lines in the sand, and this is what God wants for you Because, again, you have free will. So God says look, I want you to have an amazing partner, an amazing relationship, the best, the one you can't even imagine right now.

Speaker 1:

But in order to have that, you're going to have to have some clear boundaries, some clear lines in the sand, some clear standards on what you will and will not tolerate from your partner. And if you get clear on what those standards are, what those boundaries are, what your lines in the sands are, and you hold them and you stick to them and you don't compromise, well, I'm going to give you exactly what you want. It's going to be what you want, or even better, because I know but here's where we kind of mess it up is, we have these expectations and it's like and I've seen it's in, you know, some women have these lists and men do the same thing of like 42 different things. I actually had a friend, she had a list and it had, like, I think, 70 something, 80, I can't remember the guy but 70, 80 something things on her list and I'm like and I remember I was single at the time I'm like, really Like, no man is going to meet every one of those criteria because they were unrealistic. And I'm here to tell you there is no perfect man, there is no man that's going to give you everything you want right from the get-go. Because if he was truly perfect and he gave you everything you want exactly the way you wanted it, that relationship would be fun, would be wonderful for a little while, but ultimately it would get bored.

Speaker 1:

See, a relationship is a sacred container that God creates for you to experience who you are, for your partner to experience who he is and for you to grow as individuals and as couples, like when you understand the context of a relationship, a holy relationship, the relationship that God wants for us. There is no greater container for us to grow and experience who we are than being in a relationship. You know you've been in a relationship, you've probably been married and you know that relationships bring challenges. Life brings challenges. What? When you are being your best self and you are confronting those things, you grow, you become a better version of who you are. You learn and experience new and different things about yourself, about the world, and when you're with a partner, you grow as individuals and as a couple, and so that's what a holy relationship is, that's what God wants for you. But when you have these expectations of how you think it should be, I have to laugh, because you know the expression man makes plan and God's laughs and it's like God's like, really, you think all those things are what's most important. No, I know what's most important for you and in your heart and your soul, you know what you need to figure that stuff out. That's what the journey is about. So it's about replacing your expectations with your lines in the sand, with your standards, with your boundaries, because that's how it works. I'll give you an example After my relationship with my ex ended, I realized that I wasn't adhering to my standards, I wasn't adhering to my boundaries, I wasn't adhering to my lines in the sand.

Speaker 1:

It was like, you know, like a little kid. You know like when you have a kid, it's like, okay, don't do this. It's like this is the last time. And then they do it and you're like, okay, don't do it again. This time I mean it. And then they do it again. You're like, no, this time. I really mean it. If you cross that line, you do that, there's going to be hell to pay. And then they do it. And then they, you move the line to sand, like that's exactly what I did in my relationship with my ex. It's like kept moving the line in the sand. I talked a good game but I didn't back it up and I believe God was looking at me going.

Speaker 1:

You wonder why you're unhappy. You're not adhering to your standards. You're compromising, you're settling, you're not standing in your truth. You're trying to please her and make her happy at the expense of your own happiness. Again, all the things that I've learned in my journey. So after that I'm like all right, I don't ever want to be married or in another relationship if it's not with the right woman.

Speaker 1:

Like I want the relationship that I desire in my heart, which to me was an easy relationship, and what I mean by that is I didn't want a relationship. I had to work hard to make the relationship work. You know I use the analogy. It's like making a square peg fit in a round hole. I didn't want a relationship to be trying to make a square peg fit in a round hole, like I wanted a relationship that was easy, that it was natural, it just flowed from the beginning, where I didn't have to make it work. It just worked Like that's what I desired, and I'm like okay, that's what I want. And if I don't ever get that, that's okay, because I'd rather be single and at peace than in another unhappy and unfulfilling relationship where I'm working real hard to try and make it work and I'm miserable. I'm like done with that. So I really decided to get clear, like what is it that I truly desire? And I got crystal clear on what my standards are and what my boundaries are.

Speaker 1:

Now, at that point in my life, I worked really hard to become the person that I am. I was the first person in my family to go to college. I ultimately went on and got my doctorate and again, I don't believe I'm better than anybody else. I think we're all God's children. But I worked really hard to become the person I am and I achieved a certain level of, say, academic success, and so I wasn't looking for someone who had a doctorate, but I was looking for someone who was an academic peer, someone who went to college, who had that experience, who had knowledge, who can basically talk about anything, who can hold their own, who was well-rounded.

Speaker 1:

And so it wasn't my expectation, it was my standard, it was my desire, it was my line in the sand. It's like, no, this is what's important to me and I don't want to compromise. And here's the difference is, when you have expectations, if a person doesn't live up to it, that person is wrong or that person is bad. When you have your lines in the sand and your standards like, no, you could not adhere to it, you can not live up to it, you can not meet my standards, that's okay. You're just not the right person for me. And it's a huge shift and I see it all the time in our community is women who have these high expectations and these high standards.

Speaker 1:

And it's like I'm not compromising for anybody and I'm here to say you should and please listen, you should never, ever, ever, settle or compromise on what's really important to you. But this is where you have to take your mirror work, do your mirror work and get clear, like is this really important or is this something superficial? Like you know, I'll talk to him, and it's like you know he's got to have a full set of hair, and I'm like, and not that I get you know, not that that triggers me, because I'm perfectly cool, like if you could give me a hair back today, I'm like no thanks, like this is great, take me five minutes to shower, I don't have to go get my hair cut, don't have to worry about it on a wet or rainy day Like I'm really, really cool with it at this point. But and I'm just using this as an example and it's like you know, if he doesn't have, you know, hair or he's, you know he's not, you know six inches taller than me, or you know he doesn't make 250K a year. And again, I'm not saying that. Finances and financial responsibility, I'm not saying that those things are important, but it's like this line, this arbitrary line, is saying, on the finances a man has to get, or how he has specifically have to look to be attracted to him, and all that stuff is ego stuff and I get it.

Speaker 1:

When I was younger, I had these expectations and criteria that I was using in searching for a partner and very often I would find that partner and it just didn't work out. It didn't lead to the relationship I truly desired, and that's where I had to like, take some time to really get clear and do my work to uncover my truth, so I can be the person that was going to allow me to attract the person that I desired. So the point I'm trying to make here is that you have to replace your expectations with your standards, with your boundaries, with your line in the sand. So this is how I see it. It's kind of like remember the story Goldilocks and the Three Bears, right when the porridge was too hot, too cold or just right. That's really the difference between your expectations and your standards. Your standards are I want the one that's just right. Your expectations are nope, I don't like this, it's too hot. I don't like this, it's too cold, because your judgment, your expectations, are the source of your problem.

Speaker 1:

So what I've learned in my life and this is a lesson I learned probably about 25 years ago is that my expectations, not just in my dating life, but in all aspects of my life, are the number one source of pain and frustration, because, as I said earlier, people or situations either live up to my expectations, and it's cool, or it doesn't, and that's where the frustration, the upset, the anger, depression, like that's where all those negative things come into play, because it's not living up to my expectations. And so what I've learned now is God created me and gave me free will and says what does your soul desire? What does your heart desire? You can have anything you want in life, but you got to find what it is that your heart and soul desires, because that what I believe and what I know to be true is your soul desire is in line with God's desire. It is one in the same because that soul's desire comes from God. So when people say it's God's will, I always struggled with that because it was like God had a will and then I had a will. And what I've learned is no, god's will is my soul's will, is my heart's desire. That's what I'm meant to experience, that's what God wants for me. But that is very, very, very different than what my mind and ego and my meat suit desires.

Speaker 1:

And that's what we're trying to help you see on this podcast today is that your expectations come from your mind and your ego, your meat suit Right, your standards, your lines in the sand, your boundaries. Those come from your heart, from your soul, from God. And God says in order for you to have the relationship you desire, you have to have clear standards, clear boundaries, clear lines in the sand, and when you don't, you're going to see this whole thing becomes difficult. And you're going to see this whole thing becomes difficult and you're going to have trouble finding the type of guy that you're looking for, because here's how it works, and I hope you pay close attention to this. You might have to go back and listen to this again and maybe again.

Speaker 1:

God leaves clues. God is always guiding you. You've heard of your intuition. Well, that's part of it. God will speak to you in many, many, many ways. It may be through a podcast. It may be through a song you're listening to on the radio. It may be in a dream. It may be on a bumper sticker in the car in front of you.

Speaker 1:

God is constantly because he knows what's in your heart and soul. Bumper sticker in the car in front of you. God is constant because he knows what's in your heart and soul and what you are, what you were created to experience. But again, you have free will and how you choose. That free will doesn't determine God's love for you. It determines what you experience and that is mostly on you and that's a there's a freedom in that, because it's like, oh, I can learn how to be better, I can learn how to do things differently, and God is here to guide me if I learn how to tap into God and use his guidance and, more importantly, listen to it.

Speaker 1:

And that's tough. That's tough for us human beings. If we believe that we're defined by a guy how he looks, or what kind of income he has, or where he went to school or whatever it may be. Those expectations are going to cause us problems and it's not what God wants for you. God wants you to have a great relationship with a man who loves you, who honors you, who respects you, who sees you for the divine woman you are. So you know, I'll share my experience with my wife, natalie.

Speaker 1:

So when we first started dating, I was clear. I said, okay, here's my standards, here's my line to the sand, here's my boundaries. This is what I desire in my heart and I will not settle ever again. And so, as we started dating, I just paid attention and I listened and I watched and I was deciphering. Is this the right woman for me? Did I know? On the first date? Second date no, because after what I went through, I'm like, oh, if I'm going to do this, I'm going to do this right and I'm not going to jump into a relationship and make another mistake.

Speaker 1:

So I was guarded in a way where I was cautious let's use it that way. I wasn't caught. I didn't have a wall up, I wasn't. There wasn't any emotional baggage that was preventing me from being in a relationship. I was. I was ready. I just, you know, like running in the water, I needed to put my toe in and walk up to my ankle and then my calf. I needed to make sure that the water was perfect before I went full in, and that only took a couple of months, to be honest with you. But from the get go it was easy, it was natural, it just fit and we just both created this holy relationship.

Speaker 1:

And we've been together 25 years now and it's still like that. We still don't have to work at our relationship. Are there things that life throws at us 1000%? But, as I said earlier, it's a relationship. A marriage is a container to grow as individuals and as a couple, and my wife and I have both grown tremendously. Who we are as individuals is light years away from who we were when we first got married and who we are as a couple is light years away from who we were when we first got married. Now, don't get me wrong, we are not perfect by any means. I still have stuff that I work on. My wife still has stuff that we work on. There are still things that come up in our relationship that cause us to grow and communicate and work together, and that's the way God designed it. That's the way this journey is, but it doesn't have to be as difficult as we make it to be.

Speaker 1:

So I'm sharing this with you today because I know, if you're listening to this, you're an amazing woman, and you know you are too, and you know you have a lot to offer, and it's your expectations that might be creating a big block for you, and your expectations don't just have to do with men that can do with dating. Like we expect dating to be a certain way. You know, just if you go listen to the last podcast we make dating so much more difficult than it needs to be. Why? Because of our expectations of how we think it should be, instead of understanding how it really is, and one of those expectations that I'd like you to look at is the expectations you have of yourself. Again. I see so many amazing beautiful women and I don't mean physically beautiful, I mean in who they are, their divine essence who have these expectations of themselves.

Speaker 1:

And especially at this stage in the game, it's like, well, I should look like I did 20 years ago, I should have this weight, I should be this body type, or I should look this way. I shouldn't have wrinkles, I shouldn't have whatever it may be right, those things are expectations and there's a difference between I have standards and I work really hard to become the woman I am and I'm at peace with that. I may have some things I don't like, like. We all have things you know about our meat suit that we don't like, and that's okay. But it's our expectations of how we think it should be and the unhappiness, the lack of joy, the meaning we give to those expectations being met that cause problems.

Speaker 1:

And I'm not going to go too much into detail in this episode, but very often, when we have expectations that aren't being met of ourselves, of men, of dating, of relationships, of love, of life, of God, whatever it may be, and they're not being met, our thoughts, our feelings, our actions don't feel good and it creates a low vibration, a low energy, a low frequency in us, and very often those are the things that low vibration, that low frequency that prevents us from attracting what we want and it prevents God from sending it to us. Because God says I want to send it to you. I got a great guy, I've got the perfect guy. But if I send the right guy to you, because of your expectations of how you think it should be, you have a distorted view of things and even if I send you that, it's not going to work out. You know, if you're listening, there's probably one or two or more of you. There was a guy who showed up and he was a great guy and you're just like I can't find anything wrong with him and your friends, family, he's a great guy and you're just like I, just I can't find anything wrong with him, and like your friend's family, like he's a great guy with her, and you're like I don't know, I'm just, I'm just not feeling it. Okay, you're not feeling it because your expectations of how you think it should be, instead of opening up to the possibilities and very often it's those expectations maybe opening up to the possibilities, and very often it's those expectations maybe.

Speaker 1:

Now, I'm not saying, if you're looking for a man and let's face it, we all want a partner that we're attracted to, right? I think you have to be mother Teresa to be in a relationship with someone and feel no attraction for them whatsoever and want to be with them and again, I see God going. You think I want you to be with someone that you're not attracted to Like. No, of course I want you to be attracted to someone, but there's a difference between having an attraction for someone and feeling that attraction versus this physical expectation. Like when I see this guy, I just, you know I need to have butterflies. I'm like that's cool when you're in, you know, 17, 19, 20.

Speaker 1:

But as a grown woman looking for a life partner, it's not about feeling butterflies, it's about feeling that connection that God wants you to have. And it'll be much easier when you get rid of those expectations and replace them with your standards, your line in the sand and your boundaries. So I hope this helped. I hope it resonates. So, again, take that mirror time, see where you're at and see where your expectations may be working against you. And if you're watching this and want to dialogue on it, just let us know. Put it in the comment section and we will start a conversation.

Speaker 1:

Because, as always, I hope you get many messages from watching this, but we tend to make this journey, especially the love journey, more difficult than it needs to be, and I'm here to show you that you can have everything and anything your heart desires. You're just going to have to see things a little differently. You're going to have to do things a little differently and you're going to have to let God lead the way, and sometimes that's part of the struggle. I'll see you next time. Have an amazing day, much love.

Speaker 1:

Thanks for spending this time with me on the Spiritual Dating Podcast. I truly hope today's episode helped you to feel more hopeful, more empowered and more connected to the love that you're meant to have. If this episode resonated with you, please make sure to follow the show so you never miss an episode. And if you really feel inspired, I'd be so grateful if you left a review or shared it with another amazing woman who you know deserves to have a great guy by her side to share life with. And if you're ready to go deeper and get real guidance on your spiritual dating journey, come join me in our private Facebook community. Just grab the link in the description of today's episode. Until next time, remember, you're not too old, it's not too late and the love you desire is absolutely possible, because God didn't put that desire in your heart for no reason. This is Joe Amoya, your spiritual dating coach, reminding you that true love is your birthright, so let's make it your reality.