Spiritual Dating

Never Settle Again - The Key To Having The Relationship God Wants For You

• Joe Amoia

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Ever wonder why some relationships crumble under pressure while others emerge stronger after facing life's inevitable storms? The difference lies in what spiritual dating coach Joe Amoya calls a "holy relationship" – the kind of divine partnership that God intends for us to experience.

Drawing from his own journey – including a painful engagement that ended just days before the wedding and his current 24-year marriage – Joe reveals the two essential pillars that create unshakeable relationships. These aren't built on luck or chance but on conscious choices that anyone can make. Forget the myth that relationships are 50-50 propositions; holy relationships require 100% commitment from both partners to growth and contribution.

Unlike ego-based connections that begin with physical attraction or shared interests, holy relationships form when two people commit to becoming better versions of themselves while genuinely contributing to each other's wellbeing. This creates a beautiful cycle of giving and receiving that withstands any challenge life presents. When both partners approach love from this perspective, they don't merely survive difficult times – they use adversity as fuel for deeper connection and personal evolution.

Ready to transform your approach to relationships? This episode offers practical guidance for examining your past patterns and taking concrete steps toward the fulfilling partnership you deserve. Because as Joe reminds us: God didn't put that desire for love in your heart without making it possible to fulfill it. Your divine relationship isn't about luck – it's about preparation, intention, and a willingness to build on the right foundation.

Join our private Facebook community for deeper guidance on your spiritual dating journey by clicking here==>  https://www.facebook.com/groups/spiritualdatingforwomen

If you have a question you're struggling with or you know you need some guidance in your love life feel free to send me an email: info@joeamoia.com

 Remember, you're not too old, it's not too late, and the love you desire is absolutely possible, because God didn't put that desire in your heart for no reason.

Speaker 1:

Are you at that point in your journey where you want a relationship but you're no longer willing to settle? Well? If so, I want you to pay close attention because in this episode, we're going to talk about a holy relationship. What's a holy relationship? It's the type of relationship God wants you to have. Want to know more. Stay tuned.

Speaker 1:

Welcome to the Spiritual Dating Podcast, where spirituality, psychology and successful dating strategies come together to help you turn the love you desire into a reality. I'm your host, joe Amoya, your spiritual dating and relationship coach. If you're a spiritually grounded woman who has almost everything you want except a great guy to share your life with, you're in the right place. If you're done settling, tired of the dating merry, go round and ready to attract a high quality, emotionally available man who will love you the way God created you to be loved, this podcast is for you. I'm here to show you how to date smarter, love deeper and create the kind of relationship your heart desires and truly deserves. Hello, beautiful souls. It is Joe. I am so happy to be here with you again today. So I am so happy to be here with you again today. I'm going to be honest.

Speaker 1:

Last week, even though you heard an episode of the podcast. I wasn't here. Actually, I was on vacation. Nat, the boys and I were down at the beach. We were down the Jersey Shore. Now, if you're a beach person like you, really like the beach, and you haven't been to the Jersey Shore, I highly recommend you put it on your bucket list. There's just something about it. You may have been to the Caribbean and to islands in Hawaii and experienced beautiful, lush beaches and sand, but there's just something about the energy of the Jersey Shore that you have to experience at least once in your life. So if you haven't done it, put it on the bucket list. Go to Jersey Shore. Tell them Joe sent you.

Speaker 1:

We're not here to talk about the Jersey Shore this week. Today we're going to talk about a holy relationship. What's a holy relationship? It's the type of relationship that God wants you to have, that your higher self, the part of you that's connected to God, wants to have. Now I know you're saying does God really care? I'm like, let me ask you this you have children, right? What kind of relationship do you want them to have? Do you want them to have a relationship where they are loved, they are honored, they are respected, they are with a partner who is 100% committed to them and helping them to experience the best relationship possible. Well, that's the way I see. That's the way I believe God sees it is. God makes these types of relationship possible, and I believe that's God's preference, because I believe God sees it is. God makes these types of relationship possible, and I believe that's God's preference, cause I believe God wants us to be happy. You know, I hear people.

Speaker 1:

I had a friend one time who was like a very um, what's the word I'm looking for? Maybe she was spiritually gifted, like she would hear voices and things like this, and she was in this like really abusive relationship with, like this. And she was in this really abusive relationship with this guy and it was so toxic. And I always said, well, why are you with this guy? And she's like well, it's my karmic duty to be in this relationship for him and for me. And I'm like okay, is that really true? It may be, I don't know, but it just didn't make sense. I don't believe God wants you to be in a relationship with someone that is so toxic.

Speaker 1:

I believe that's what we tell ourselves to stay in relationships that are unhealthy and unhappy because on some level we don't want to look at the truth that maybe I'm in this relationship because I don't feel worthy of a relationship. Maybe I'm in this relationship because I don't I never had an example, a role model of what a healthy, happy relationship may be. Maybe I'm in this relationship because I feel I have to save a man and if I don't save a man then I'm not being a true healthy relationship. But I don't know, like that's the work each individual has to do, being a true healthy relationship. I don't know, that's the work each individual has to do.

Speaker 1:

But what I've learned is that God wants us to have a happy life, a happy relationship, which is what I call a holy relationship. So first we need to identify the difference between a holy relationship and a regular relationship. Now, again, this is going to kind of be the clip notes version. We'll go more in the future, but today is kind of like an introduction into holy relationships. So I see a holy relationship as the type of relationship that God makes possible for all his divine creations right, which includes you and me. But God says look, I give you free will and so I make it possible and I will do everything on my end to help you have that holy relationship. But whether you will or not really has to do with more with you than anything else, and I know that may seem like a heavy burden, a heavy responsibility, but there's a lot of freedom in that, because when you learn that, oh, I have a role to play in my creating that holy relationship and God has a role in helping me create that holy relationship. And as long as we're working together, then I'm going to have that holy relationship, because God's going to do everything on his own.

Speaker 1:

You know, when you were moving towards that holy relationship and when you're moving further away, communicating, there's always, always, always feedback in this journey. That's just the way it works and we have to understand that. But when we try and do it on our own and we think we know better than God, or we don't include God in the conversation, that's when we tend to get ourselves in trouble and that's when we have what I call our ego relationships. Ego relationships are the kinds of relationships we try and create with our mind, thinking that if we had this relationship we'd be happy, and very often it's like we'll pick a partner. It's like, oh, I'm really attracted to them, or we like the same music or we have the same upbringing and we kind of justify to ourselves why we should be in that relationship. And very often in the beginning those relationships are a lot of fun, they're exciting, there's a connection there.

Speaker 1:

But if those relationships aren't built on the foundation which we're going to be talking about in a little while, ultimately those relationships are like building a house on sand it might look pretty for a little while, but ultimately the rains are going to come, the winds are going to come and the house is going to start becoming unsettled and then ultimately the house is going to come crumbling down. Why? Because it wasn't built on the foundation that a holy relationship needs to be built on. A holy relationship is like building a house on reinforced concrete that, no matter what happens in life, the relationship is going to be okay because both individuals are in the relationship for the right reasons, and that's what God wants us to have. Because the reality is in life there is going to be adversity, there is going to be challenges. Don't believe me.

Speaker 1:

Let's do a little test Pick everybody you know that's either married or in a relationship and look at their life. Have they not experienced adversity and challenges in their life. And if you talk to a lot of those individuals, especially if they've been married for a long time, what they're going to tell you is the adversity that they went through actually caused them to grow closer together. It caused their love to get stronger, to have an unbreakable bond. And see, that's one of the containers for a holy relationship. God knows that adversity is a part of life. You are going to have challenges, but when you're with the right partner, the adversity, the challenges, cause you to grow together. It causes you to grow as an individual and it causes you to grow as a couple. I've been with my wife now for 24 years. We'll be married 24. We've been together 26. And I can't tell you and every example of adversity that we went through whether it was as an individual, whether it was health challenges, whether it was financial challenges, whether it was family issues, whether it was health issues of family members, deaths, friends who passed away, whatever it may be, who passed away, whatever it may be, pandemics, whatever happened in life all of that adversity ultimately caused us to grow as individuals and as a couple. And that's really what a holy relationship is. It's this container that is designed to help you grow as an individual and as a couple. And when you understand that and go in with the intention, what we're sharing with you today, you have a much greater chance of having a holy relationship.

Speaker 1:

I hear all this all the time oh, they're so lucky, right, or you're so blessed, or other people who found their soulmate and have that relationship. They're so lucky and so blessed and I'm sorry it doesn't sit right with me. There's an expression that luck is when preparation meets opportunity. People look at me and go oh, you're so lucky, you're so blessed, you met your soulmate, you have such a wonderful relationship, and I'm like that's such BS. I'm not lucky, I created this, and if I can create it, so can you, and that's why we do this podcast is to show you that it can be done.

Speaker 1:

But if you keep trying to do it from your ego, thinking that you know best and that you need this in order for you to be happy which may not be true, sometimes it can be true, sometimes it can't, but what I know to be true is God truly knows what is right and best for you, and so God will never deny you of what is not going to make you happy in your heart, in your soul, god may say. You know what you think that's going to make you happy, but it's not. That's exactly what happened with my previous relationship with my ex Is I thought, you know, having someone who loved me, who I loved, and we said we wanted to get married and we had the same goals, was enough and I went? No, it wasn't. And if I had to get real honest, that relationship wasn't built on what I'm going to be sharing with you. It was built from a place of okay, this is the stage of your life, I want to get married, I want to have someone, I want to be a father, have a family, all this stuff that we're supposed to do right, because that's supposed to make us happy. And so I found someone who wants the same thing, so we'll just go forward.

Speaker 1:

And yet it was a horrible experience. It was literally like trying to make a square peg fit in a round hole for three years, and no matter how much I tried, no matter how much I did, no matter how much I love this person and no matter how much that person said they loved me, it was an excruciating, unhappy experience and ultimately, that was part of my journey to uncover and learn that I don't ever want to go down that road again. I don't ever want to be in a relationship where I can't truly be happy and know I am with the right partner, and have a partner who's 100% committed, not just to me but to this relationship and to doing the work to be the best version that they can be on their journey. And so I keep talking about the foundation of this healthy relationship. So what I've learned is a holy relationship is built on two pillars, and I'm going to try and make this as easy as possible for you to understand. So the first is that we are designed to grow. As I said earlier, we're designed to grow as individuals and as a couple, so both individuals have to come into this relationship with the intention, the identity of I'm here to become a better version of myself, to experience more of who I am right, and the more I experience who I am, the happier I will become. But it's not a matter of getting something. I'm not doing this so I can get. It's doing it so I can receive. So it's almost like I'm receiving the blessings that God gives me by being someone who is committed to this process and that's why, very often, you've heard the expression that we've grown apart. Because in order to have a holy relationship, you need two individuals who come into this relationship from the beginning and stay in this relationship from a place of growth, and I will share more on this in a little while. Again, this is kind of like the Cliff Notes version, right? So we're here to grow okay and become more of who we really are, and a holy relationship is a great container for that, because it brings our stuff to the surface. Like life is going to throw stuff at us, and when we are going through it and we have a partner by our side to love us, support us and help us, it's just easier to get past it and through it. And that leads to the second component, the second pillar, the second foundation, and that's contribution, like we are here to contribute to each other's lives.

Speaker 1:

Very often what I've observed is people go into a relationship from their egos thinking okay, what am I going to get from this? Okay, you're going to make me happy, you're going to make me complete, you're going to make me secure, you're going to by being with you. I'm not going to have my insecurities, I'm here to tell you if you have insecurities and you're not dealing with them, somebody else isn't going to make them go away. You'll delude yourself for a little while and feel better, but then ultimately they're going to come raging to the surface. That's exactly what happened with my ex is. She had some insecurities having to do with her relationship with her father that she never dealt with, and so she thought, if a man commits to me and loves me, then I'm not going to feel insecure. And she did literally for 30 days. 30 days later, all her insecurities, all her fears, all her stuff came rushing to the surface because she wasn't willing to do the work and she was a beautiful person. I would have never asked, gotten engaged to her if she was this mean person, but she just had this wounded side that she never dealt with.

Speaker 1:

So it's really important that you understand that no one can take away your stuff and that's where the contribution part comes in right. They can be there, they can love you and support you, but you have to do your work and that works both ways. I know that some of you are listening to this, have been in a relationship and you were there and you were contributing from your heart, loving someone and being a rock for them and helping them through it, through the tough times of their stuff, but they weren't doing their work, they weren't doing their part to grow, evolve and become a better version or a more true version of who God created them to be. And then also you probably got to a point where, like I can't do this anymore, right, and you walked away because you realized your love couldn't save someone, your love couldn't fix someone. And I think sometimes that's part of our journey. It's a gift. I look at my relationship with my ex as a gift and I wouldn't have the relationship I have with my wife today and I wouldn't be doing this work if I didn't go through that.

Speaker 1:

So sometimes in our growing and evolving we have to go through tough times, we have to go through adversity. It's what I've known is called something called the divine storm. Like we go through these divine storms in our life where we like hit rock bottom and we go through this crap and we're like, oh my God. But then we look back as we're further down the road going oh wow, I really see the hand of God in all this and yeah, sometimes it's hard to see that as we're going through it. But the more we go through on this journey and the more you see and experience that, the more you learn that. Oh okay, this is just an opportunity to learn, grow and evolve. So it's really important that we understand that these two components are vital to have a holy relationship.

Speaker 1:

So let's kind of do a quick review, right. If your goal is to have a holy relationship, you need to go into that relationship with two major intentions, because everybody says, oh yeah, I love them and they love me. Well, I know there are a ton of individuals who are now divorced who, when they got married, truly loved that person and that person who married them truly loved them. But what happens is they grew apart. What happens is they grew apart is when life came and responsibilities came and challenges came, they didn't have the skills, the awareness, the tools to grow together, to communicate, to identify what was really happening and using that as an opportunity to go forward and to grow as individuals and as a couple. And I know there are a lot of good people who just grew apart because they just didn't have this, and that's really one of the intentions for this. So give you an example of how it worked.

Speaker 1:

So when I was in my relationship with my ex, at that point I was a practicing chiropractor and my practice members were like family members. I called them my chiropractic family. So they were with me through those three years of the ups and downs of being engaged and not engaged and back on and back off and getting married, like all of that, and ending things 28 days before getting married. So they were with me. They saw what I was going through, how unhappy, how stressed all of that. They were also there when I met Natalie and we started dating and we got engaged. Then when we got married and we started having kids, and so when our first son was born, natalie was working in the office for me at the front desk, and so now they had a front row seat to our relationships.

Speaker 1:

And one of my practice members one day said I don't get it Like I saw what your relationship was with your ex and I see your relationship now with Natalie and it's night and day, like what happened. And I'm just like at that point I really didn't have the answers and I was like, oh well, I just married the right person for the right reason Before I was getting married to the wrong person for the wrong reasons. So that was my answer at that time. And then one day I was sitting in a seminar and I was learning about human behavior and needs of the spirit and needs of the higher self and the soul if you want to call it, I'm sorry, needs of the ego and needs of the spirit and needs of the higher self and the soul, if you want to call it, I'm sorry, needs of the ego and needs of the human mind versus needs of our spirit, needs of our soul. And I learned about this growth and contribution. And at that point it was like the light bulb went off. I'll go.

Speaker 1:

This is why my relationship with Natalie works. This is why it's so strong. This is why it's so happy. This why it's so happy. This is why I love being this relationship with the right person and it feels so good in my heart and soul, even though we have challenges. It's like because from the beginning, both natalie and I went into that relationship with how can I love you, how can I be there, how can I support you? Right, and that's the contribution.

Speaker 1:

Now, in doing that, we were a because we picked the right person, person who had an aligned intention, a shared purpose. What happened is, we then were able to receive what we needed to receive. So it's like this circle, this never ending circle, where if you're growing, you're receiving, and if you're growing, you're receiving, and if you're contributing, you're giving. So this constant dance of giving and receiving. Now does that mean you know, this is one of the things I hear all the time is that relationships are 50-50. And I'm like I don't really agree with that. I believe relationships are 100 and 100. And both people give 100% of what they can in that moment, but sometimes, for one of those individuals, their a hundred percent might only be 60% of what they can give in that moment. So, again, I'll give you a quick example.

Speaker 1:

There'll be times in my relationship and this worked both ways, but I'll use it as far as me being the example where I was going through some tough times. I was going through a spiritual crisis, if you want to say, feeling lost, and I was going through a growth spurt which I didn't realize, and Natalie was right there by my side, loving me, supporting me. I'd left my career as a chiropractor to go down this other road. She never once said don't do that. What about the kids? How are we going to pay our bills? She truly believed in me and she loved me because she knew I was on this journey that ultimately led me to figuring it out, but her love, her support was such an instrumental piece. And, conversely, there were times Natalie had gone through female issues and she had to have surgery and she was knocked out of commission and it was affecting her physically, emotionally, spiritually in many different ways and I had to step up and be there for her, to be the loving partner.

Speaker 1:

And again, I'm not saying I'm anything special, I'm just a loving, committed partner who is 100% committed to helping his partner grow and become the best version of themselves, but also to having our relationship grow and evolve into a better version of what it was before. So those are just some quick examples of how this worked. So it was that epiphany like, oh, that's why this relationship works and it's like this is the relationship that God truly wants us to have and it's the relationship that God makes possible and it's the relationship that we are 100% committed to helping you create, if that's what you want to, because it doesn't just happen. So here's a little homework for you. I want you to step out of your life as an observer and I want you to look at your last relationship and, using these two parameters, the two pillars, the two foundations of a holy relationship, where were things missing? Was it that you were giving too much and the other person was taking and they weren't committed to their growth? Was it that their stuff was coming up and they weren't willing to do the work to grow and evolve? Was it that maybe you were a little too selfish, you didn't have tolerance, you weren't loving, you were just so focused on getting and you weren't getting, and then you projected your stuff onto them Again. There's never any judgment with this. We're just kicking things around to start shining light on the truth because we don't look.

Speaker 1:

I think it was Churchill who said those who don't learn from the past are doomed to repeat it. Right, and I see so many wonderful individuals who just keep dating the same guy or having the same types of relationships and they keep saying, well, this is, I'm like this way because of what happened with my father or my husband, and yeah, that may have contributed to it. But as long as you're holding onto that, you're not going to grow, you're not going to evolve and you're not going to have a holy relationship. So to have a holy relationship, you've got to be willing to do the mirror time, to do the work, and I understand sometimes that difficult and sometimes you're like I don't know where to start, I don't know what to do, and if that's you, that's perfectly okay. We don't have all the answers. That's why God gives us things like this podcast.

Speaker 1:

So if you are struggling and you're looking for answers, you're looking for some guidance, and you don't know where to go, what to do. You know what? Just drop me an email right? My email is info at joeamoyacom I-N-F-O at J-O-E-A-M-O-I-A dot com, and just send me an email and we'll have a conversation and we'll see what's going on and to start shining a light. So you take that first step to having that holy relationship, which is the relationship God does want you to have and does make possible, and we'll do everything on his part to assist you. But you gotta do yours. God can't do your pushups for you. So, that being said, we're gonna sign off, but if you have any comments, any feedback, I'd love to hear from you Until next week. Have an amazing day, much love.

Speaker 1:

Thanks for spending this time with me on the Spiritual Dating Podcast. I truly hope today's episode helped you to feel more hopeful, more empowered and more connected to the love that you're meant to have. If this episode resonated with you, please make sure to follow the show so you never miss an episode. And if you really feel inspired, I'd be so grateful if you left a review or shared it with another amazing woman who you know deserves to have a great guy by her side to share life with. And if you're ready to go deeper and get real guidance on your spiritual dating journey, come join me in our private Facebook community. Just grab the link in the description of today's episode. Until next time, remember you're not too old, it's not too late and the love you desire is absolutely possible, because God didn't put that desire in your heart for no reason. This is Joe Amoya, your spiritual dating coach, reminding you that true love is your birthright, so let's make it your reality.