Spiritual Dating
Welcome to The Spiritual Dating Podcast – Where Faith, Wisdom, and Love Align
This podcast is dedicated to strong, successful, spiritually grounded single women who deeply desire a loving, healthy, and committed relationship — but are no longer willing to settle. If you're ready to stop settling and start dating with intention, heart, and hope — this podcast is for you!
Spiritual Dating
Protecting Your Heart: How To Identify When A Man Isn't Ready For Commitment
Have you ever fallen for someone who seemed perfect, only to discover months later they weren't emotionally ready for a relationship? That heartbreaking pattern stops now.
In this eye-opening episode, I share the crucial signs that reveal whether a man is truly prepared for commitment or just going through the motions. We dive deep into why many men genuinely believe they're ready for relationships until their unresolved issues surface when things get serious. This isn't about blaming or shaming – it's about protecting your heart and time from investments that won't pay off.
Learn why dating should be treated as your "test drive" phase, giving you the opportunity to evaluate compatibility before making a significant emotional investment. I break down specific indicators of relationship readiness, including how genuine interest manifests through consistent actions, not just promising words. We explore why men who prioritize sexual connection before establishing emotional intimacy often struggle with commitment, and why someone who treats you as a convenience rather than a priority is showing you exactly where you stand.
Perhaps most importantly, you'll discover how a man's relationship with his past and his connections with others reveals everything about his capacity for healthy partnership. Those who position themselves as victims or maintain toxic relationships elsewhere rarely have the emotional tools necessary for the committed relationship you deserve.
Ready to stop giving your heart to men who can't treasure it properly? This episode equips you with the discernment to recognize the right partner – one who consistently demonstrates through actions that he's prepared to love you the way God intended. Your spiritual dating journey doesn't need to include heartbreak after heartbreak. Let's make smarter choices together.
Join our private Facebook community for deeper guidance on your spiritual dating journey – Go here==> https://www.facebook.com/groups/spiritualdatingforwomen
Have you ever fallen for a guy, believing that he was the exact guy you were looking for, only to find out weeks, months or even years later that he wasn't the relationship partner your heart desired? Well, if so, I want you to pay close attention, because today you're going to learn how to identify those guys before you give them your heart or your other body parts. Stay tuned. Or your other body parts? Stay tuned. Welcome to the Spiritual Dating Podcast, where spirituality, psychology and successful dating strategies come together to help you turn the love you desire into a reality. I'm your host, joe Amoya, your spiritual dating and relationship coach. If you're a spiritually grounded woman who has almost everything you want except a great guy to share your life with, you're in the right place. If you're done settling, tired of the dating merry-go-round, and ready to attract a high quality, emotionally available man who will love you the way God created you to be loved, this podcast is for you. I'm here to show you how to date smarter, love deeper and create the kind of relationship your heart desires and truly deserves. Hello everyone, it's Joe. Welcome back to another episode of the Spiritual Dating Podcast. Hello everyone, it's Joe. Welcome back to another episode of the Spiritual Dating Podcast. I'm so excited to be spending time with you again today. Another good one.
Speaker 1:Today we're going to talk about how to identify a guy who's not ready to be in a committed relationship before you give him your heart or those other body parts, and you know what I'm talking about. So tell me if this sounds familiar. Right, you're just looking for a guy, right? Not a guy, you don't want any guy. You're looking for the right guy. You know the guy who is of the caliber of the quality that you're looking for. And then you meet a guy and he appears to be exactly what you're looking for and you get excited and you start having these visions down the road of what your life is going to be like together. And he appears to be saying and doing all the right things. And then you fall for him and you start again imagining what that life is going to be like. And then, somewhere down the road, things change. Maybe he just disappears and goes ghost. Maybe he tells you that. You know what I realized? That I'm not ready for a relationship. It's not you, it's all, and you kind of feel duped. And also you always feel like you've wasted your time and I so get that.
Speaker 1:But what we're going to talk about today is how to identify the signs that a man isn't emotionally available and ready to be in a committed relationship, even if you think he is. Because what've seen? I've seen it over and over and it really breaks my heart because I see a wonderful, amazing women who are looking for that guy and they get all excited, like I said, and then they fall and they open up and then they realize that he's not the right guy and and it almost destroys your faith in men, in love, in relationship. And that's when you start playing those old songs like maybe it's not meant to be, or this is all men are like this, or it's just not in the plans, god doesn't want it for me, and some of these are familiar, right, and again I get it. That's part of the human journey and again I get it. That's part of the human journey.
Speaker 1:But what I hope that you get from today's episode is the understanding that there are two types of guys out there. They're guys who are emotionally available, emotionally ready to be in a committed relationship, and when they find the right woman, they're going to show that woman pretty much from day one and then they're going to be the guys who aren't and the guys who portray themselves and tell you what you want to hear. And sometimes you have to understand these guys really believe it. They really believe that they're ready to be in a relationship and that's why, in the beginning, they come on strong and they say and do all the right things. But then what happens is, unconsciously, they have stuff that they haven't looked at, they haven't worked on, they haven't dealt with, and so when they fall and they get to a point where oh wow, this is serious, all their stuff comes to the surface and they're not aware of it, because most people aren't taught, especially men, to look at their feelings, to identify what's going on, to seek help, to talk to somebody, and so very often what they do is they just run from it. And I'm not giving them a pass, I'm not giving them an excuse, I'm not saying it's okay. I'm just trying to help you understand what's going on so that you can use this information to protect yourself from falling for the wrong guys, for giving your heart too soon to a man who may not be a healthy relationship partner.
Speaker 1:So the first thing I want to talk about is this is why you date. This is why dating is so important. You know, I see so many individuals again and I understand it, and there was a time in my life where I did the same thing. Right, you just want to be with someone, you want that special someone to share your life with, and then you find someone who appears to be that and you're like, oh, that's it, yeah, this is it, this is it. And I'm laughing because I just I can't tell you how many times that happens.
Speaker 1:And, like, in the beginning, everything's great for the first couple of weeks, first couple of months, and then, like I said, things change. The relationship changes, the person, person changes. All of a sudden, when they wanted to be with you and spend time, now all of a sudden they're making excuses or they're not as available, or when they used to be affectionate and loving and caring. And now, all of a sudden their behavior changes and your sense something's off and you talk to them it's like, oh, no, well, I'm just under a lot of stress, I got a lot going on, right, been so. You have to understand. This is why you date. See, dating is an opportunity for you to determine if this is the type of person you're looking for, if this is the right person and is this emotionally available, emotionally healthy and going to be the partner that you truly desire to have, the relationship that you know you deserve? Right? That's the end goal, and dating is your opportunity to figure that out.
Speaker 1:I call it like the test drive phase. Right? Let's say you're going to go buy a new car and you're going to spend $40,000, $50,000 on a brand new car and you just want to make sure you know what. Before I spend this money, I want to make sure it's the right car, right. So what do you do? You go to different dealerships, right, and you look for different cars and you might have an idea of the car you want. You might go and you try it and it might meet all your criteria. You're like, yeah, this is the one I'm buying. Or you go to other dealerships and say you know what I like this car, but I'm going to go here and I'm going to go there. And you go to different dealerships test driving, not just to find the right car, but to get the best deal right, the deal that's right for you, right. And so that's why I call dating is a lot like test driving cars. It's an opportunity for you to figure out what is best and right for you so that when you actually make the purchase you don't have any buyer's remorse.
Speaker 1:And I see that happen all the time and again. It's not your fault, it's because you believe that you are investing in the right man for the right reasons. And that's what makes dating so difficult at this stage is because so many and look, men and women both do this. Right Is so many individuals portray themselves to be a certain way, and then you ultimately see the truth, and the truth gets revealed and then you're like WTF, why did this person say this? Why did they do that? Why did they misrepresent themselves? Or maybe it's like where's this coming from? I thought this was this person. They showed me this loving, kind side and now all of a sudden, they're emotionally unavailable or they're telling me that they have issues that they need to work on. Like, are they really unaware of this? At this point, like at this stage in the game, most people should be aware of what their stuff is, right, that may mean that they haven't looked at it, they haven't dealt with it, but it's not unfamiliar, right? But again, people do what they do, and so that's what we want to use to your advantage.
Speaker 1:So, you know, today we're going to talk about how to identify some of the yellow flags which indicate that a guy is not emotionally ready to be in a committed relationship, ready to be in a committed relationship. So the first and I see this all the time is that he's actually showing a genuine interest in getting to know you, especially in the beginning stages of dating. I see this all the time is, yeah, I met a guy and you know what. He sends me a text every four days or every three weeks, and we've been texting for months, or every three weeks, and you know we've been texting for months. Well, I'm going to tell you as a man okay, when we are generally interested in getting to know a woman and being with a woman, there will be no doubt in that woman's mind, not only our words but our actions will show you that we want to be with you, we want to spend time with you, we want to get to know you, to spend time with you, we want to get to know you.
Speaker 1:And so, if a man isn't putting in that kind of effort to show you that he really wants to know you. And I'm not talking about just getting to know you for what's in your pants, right, and you're getting all sexual and sending pictures and doing all that crap that you know that immature boys do. We're talking about grown men, you know. So any man who starts off, who starts off getting all sexually provocative and saying and doing things that are sexual in nature before he gets to know you and gets to spend time with you and is showing a genuine interest in you, is not a man who's emotionally ready to be in a committed relationship.
Speaker 1:Emotionally ready to be in a committed relationship, you know, look, sex, having fun, that's amazing, it's a great part, it's a piece of the relationship, right. I think a healthy relationship is like a pizza, right, and there's different slices. So a healthy, fun, energizing, amazing sex life is a piece. But the healthy guys know that we got to take care of the other pieces first and when we get there, that's going to be amazing. If we're the right couple and this is right for both of that part, it's going to be amazing. But we don't start with that. We start with the other part, because any two I don't want to say animals any two people can have wild, passionate sex, but no, that doesn't lead to a healthy, long lasting, happy and fulfilling relationship. It's one of those pieces, but it's not the only piece, and if two people start off focused on that, very often their focus gets lost on what's really important.
Speaker 1:And you can't build a solid foundation of a healthy, long lasting relationship solely on sex and I'm sure you know that right solely on sex, and I'm sure you know that right. So first thing is is he showing a genuine interest in you, in getting to know you? Is he asking questions? I hear this again all the time. You know I'm talking to this guy and you know, and it's all about him. I'm like, well, he's showing you, it's all about him. Don't get mad at him. If he's showing you, it's all about him. If you go buy a dog and it wants to bite you and it starts barking at you, you can't get mad at the dog. That's what the dog does. That's an aggressive dog. It's not a friendly, loving dog. So you can't get mad at the dog. And part of the challenge is we want the dogs to play nice instead of identifying that you know what.
Speaker 1:You're just one of those individuals that, for whatever reason, just isn't playing nice and you're not emotionally ready to be in a committed relationship, or you're not ready to be in a committed relationship with me because I demand more and God wants more for you. God wants you to be with a man who values you, who respects you, who shows a genuine interest in you, that wants to get to know you outside of the bedroom, and so. But you have to stand for that, you have to make decisions, you have to not tolerate anything less. Okay, so that's the first thing you know. The second is that his actions and here's the word consistently show you that being with you, getting to know you and having you in his life is a priority for him. If he's not showing you consistently and I'm going to put that in quotes you can't watch this if you're listening, but if you're watching the video of this he has to consistently show you that being with you, getting to know you, spending time and ultimately being in a relationship with you is a priority in his life, right? So if he's showing you that you're a convenience, he's doing it when it only works according to his time schedule and his plan and everything else Well then, you get to sit with that. You get to decide. Now I know you might be saying but Joe, what if he works and what if he's busy?
Speaker 1:Listen, when I first met my wife, I was running my practice. I was playing in a men's hockey league, I was playing in a baseball league. I had a lot going on. I come from a big Italian family. There was always stuff going on, but there was never a moment where I she wasn't my wife. Then the woman that I had met didn't feel that I didn't want to spend time with her and get to know her. I would constantly, we would be talking on the phone and then we would be spending time to go out and we would look at our schedule and say, okay, well, I've got this going on this night, what about you? And it wasn't a convenience where I had to fit her in.
Speaker 1:That was a priority in my life, just like those other things were important to me, because I believe if you're going to be in a healthy relationship, your happiness, your joy just can't come from that person. You have to have outside things which ultimately are a form of self-love right, doing things that fill you up, that give you joy, that give you happiness, so that when you meet that other person. It's just the icing on your cake. Like you can't make. There's an expression, you know a term a codependent relationship where two people are depending on each other solely for their happiness. I think that's so unhealthy. But when you are one, when you're single and you want to get to know someone and you're looking for a relationship, you will do whatever you need to do, and sometimes that means you have to shift things, let go of things.
Speaker 1:You know I mentioned I was playing hockey. You know there were times where I was playing hockey and the games were very late at night. You know, sometimes it were 10, 45, 11, 15, and I would have to drive half hour, 45 minutes to the rink. And so by the time I came home like I was wired and I was doing it just because it was filling up my social calendar. It was something to do. I had played for years.
Speaker 1:But also when I met my wife, I was like you know what? It's not that important anymore. You know, one time we were together and I'm like, eh, I'm calling the guys, I'm not coming tonight. And she's like, really. And she was like don't do it because of me. I'm like, no, I'm not doing it because of you. It's like I'd much rather be with you, spend time with you, get to know you and build the foundations of a relationship.
Speaker 1:For me, going forward, having a relationship, ultimately having a happy, healthy marriage, was more important in playing hockey, which I had done for years. So, like I said, at that point in my life, it was just something that I was willing to give up. You know, there's another opportunity where my wife and I were together and I had a baseball game and she you know, she had stayed over my house and she got really sick and she had to go to the hospital and I'm like okay, I'm calling the guys, I'm not going to the game. She's like, but you let I go. Yeah, I'd love playing, but I'll have a game next week. I had a game last week.
Speaker 1:Right now, you need me right, you need me by your side and I want to be there because I want to show you what kind of guy I am, and I'm not saying this to go. Oh, I'm special, look at me. I'm trying to show you how a quality guy shows up, how a man who is ready for a committed relationship and who wants to be commissioned in a committed relationship plays the game because it's so, so, so important. But if you're not seeing these things and he's not showing you that you are a priority in his life and being with you as a priority, then you're a convenience. Now, if you accept a man treating you like a convenience, then I'm sorry, but you can't get mad at him, right, because people will only get away with what you allow them to get away with, right? So a man, if you allow him to treat you like a convenience, well, you're teaching him that it's okay to be treated like a convenience. But if you show a guy that, look, I deserve better and I'm not going to tolerate that, even if that means that I have to walk away, even if that means I'll be single, because I believe that God has a man out there who will make me the priority that I know I deserve in my heart. And when you do that, god's like you got it, girl, 100%. And I will work with you. As long as you keep taking these aligned actions, I will work with you to bring that man into your life so that when you, when he appears, you will know without a shadow of a doubt not in the first date.
Speaker 1:I didn't know on the first date my wife was going to be the woman I was going to be spending my life with. It took a while I had to date her, I had to get to know her, I had to go through the beginning stages of relationship to ultimately identify that, yes, this is the right person. Because I knew, based on what happened with my ex, is, yeah, in the beginning everything's wonderful, saying and doing all the right things, but then that stuff is going to come up. And having that person who's willing to look at their stuff, to talk about their stuff, to communicate, to work on their stuff if there's anything there and again, I'm not going to create any illusions here I am not perfect by any way, shape or form, and neither is my wife. We all have our stuff by any way, shape or form, and neither is my wife. We all have our stuff, but we love and support each other to get through our stuff so that we can become better versions of who God created us to be and we can grow as individuals and as a couple.
Speaker 1:So again, you have to identify a man who is consistently showing you by his actions that being with you, getting to know you, spending time with you, being in a relationship with you, in a committed relationship with you, is a priority, and if he's not, again you have to decide what you want to do with that. I advise you to move on, okay, and last and this is a big one is he at peace with his past? A big one Is he at peace with his past? Look, we all have past.
Speaker 1:I think one of the reasons that dating and creating a healthy, loving relationship is very challenging at this stage is because of people's past. People have more experience where they've been let down, they've been hurt, they've had their heart broken, they've been betrayed, they've been disappointed, they've been lied to, yada, yada, yada. We can go down that long list and because of that, each of those experiences put like a brick in the wall until ultimately, we have this wall that's like 10 feet high and it's so hard to get past or through, and his solace, and it's so hard to get past or through. And so if a person isn't at peace with his past, it's very difficult for that person to be a healthy, committed relationship. Or they'll pretend in the beginning, they'll say and do all the right things until all of a sudden you're in that relationship and the facade comes down and then the real person emerges.
Speaker 1:I forget who says it, but somebody I think it was Ariel Ford calls it the imposter. Like in the beginning, the imposter shows up. Well, we want to use that information to your advantage. We want to go as you're dating. Okay, who is the real you? Are you who you're portraying yourself to be, or are you the imposter? Because that's what I did with my wife, because, based on my experience with my ex, I knew about the imposter. So, as I was dating my wife, I'm like, okay, this looks good, this sounds good, but is this really her? I'm like, okay, this looks good, this sounds good, but is this really her? And the more I observed her and saw how she lived and how she showed up, I'm like, no, no, this is really her. And so then it became an easy decision for me. It's like, yeah, this is the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with. She didn't have to convince me, she didn't have to twist my arm, she didn't have to do anything other than show up and be the beautiful person that she is, because that was the person I was looking for. She was the lid for my pot, and that's how easy it can be when you take what we're sharing with you in these episodes.
Speaker 1:So one of those things is he has closure. No matter what happens, he has closure, he's at peace. He says, yeah, that sucks, I learned from it, I made some mistakes, but I'm better for it, I'm wiser for it, I'm in a better place, and I've used that and grown to now be ready to be in a committed relationship. Okay, so that's really important. And part of that is he takes responsibility for the mistakes he's made. You know, I see this all the time.
Speaker 1:Because of those wounds that a lot of people experience, they want to blame the other person, right, like he did this to me or she did this to me. And I'm not saying that those people get a pass for their behaviors, their actions or the crap that they pulled. I'm not saying that at all. What I'm saying is that if we simply blame the other person, that takes us off the hook and that makes us victims, when the truth is, no matter what happened, we played somewhat of a role, right. The choices and decisions we made is why we were attracted with that person, why we ignored the red flag, why we made excuses, why we put ourselves in position to be taking advantage of whatever may be right. We played a role in that, and that's not to blame ourselves. It's just to say, okay, I contributed to this. What can I learn from this? How can I use this and grow from it to become better, smarter, wiser, so that this doesn't happen again? And I see it happen all the time and it breaks my heart.
Speaker 1:Individuals who keep blaming the other person and blaming men and blaming their ex and blaming their parents and all that other stuff. Again, that doesn't deny what had happened had happened, but I believe we always hold the power right. There's a divine intelligence within us that knows the truth, and when we blame others, we live in an illusion. We believe the illusion is true, like they screwed us. They did that to us and my life cannot be happy, my relationships can't be happy because of that, and I think that's a lie. But there's also God's truth, which is, yes, that happened and yes, they did things which hurt you, which betrayed you, which caused you pain, where they were out of integrity, they lied. Whatever it may be. Yes, yes, yes, they did that. But you also played a role, my dear. You may have put up with it, you may have made excuses, you may have given them multiple chances when they didn't deserve it, you may have ignored your intuition, you may not. Whatever it may be, and it's like, okay, god, yes, I did play a role. Okay, so that's great. Now let me learn from it.
Speaker 1:So, being a victim because here's the thing a person who plays the role of victim and blames others, especially a man, if he blames his ex or whatever it may be, guess who the next person he's gonna be blaming is you. It's just to be blaming, is you? It's just the way it is. And we all have people in our life friends or family who play the role of victim, right, and their lives are a mess and they blame everyone and everything for why their life is a mess. And I'm not judging them. There's a difference between a judgment and an observation. I'm just trying to shine the light of truth, to show that people who live in victim mode, who blame others for their life, their happiness, are hard people to be in a committed relationship with, and that's just the truth, okay, and the last thing was two more things is people who are just really negative, right?
Speaker 1:You know, I worked with a woman a while back where she had been in a relationship and she was on a date with a guy and she's like she was very attracted to this guy. He was like you know, on the surface, everything she was looking for. And then she was on a date and she's like this guy was so negative and so pessimistic and like he was rude to the waitress. She's like before we started working together. She's like I would have fell for that guy. I would have ignored all the red flags, she's like, but seeing how he was on that date gave me a good indication of who he really is. And she's like and I ran for the hills.
Speaker 1:And that's what we're talking about is giving you the ammunition so that you start identifying what a person's persona and personality traits which indicate they're not emotionally ready to be in a committed relationship. Now look, if you want to be there and love that person and help them see the light and fix them, knock yourself out. But what I've learned in my journey is that if a person isn't willing to do their work, you're gonna become spent, your tank is gonna be drained and you're gonna get to a point where you're just like I can't do this anymore. You're gonna waste a lot of time getting there. So now we're gonna finish up with this.
Speaker 1:If you really wanna know if a person is ready to be in a committed relationship, look at their relationships with other people. Find out about their relationships with other people, right, especially people around them who are close to them so we're talking parents, kids, friends, right. Do they have healthy relationships? Because if they have healthy relationships, it's a good sign that they are emotionally ready to be in a committed relationship. They know what it takes to be in a healthy relationship, because relationships are relationships, they're just different. Right Now, let me preface by saying putting a little asterisk.
Speaker 1:Sometimes people tricks, sometimes people are born into toxic families and they remove themselves because they realize it's not healthy for them to be around certain people. But that's where I talked about, you know, having closure, being at peace. Those angels are like yes, you know this, these relationships were toxic, so I had to let go. Same thing with a job. If a person's in a job and they're complaining about their job and they're hating their job and they're hating their boss, they're showing you that they're willing to tolerate toxicity. And people who are willing to tolerate toxicity are generally not very happy, and so it's very difficult to be in a relationship with someone who just isn't in a good place. And that's what God wants. God wants us to be happy. So, again, these are just things that you can use for your own edification, to help you on your journey, so that you don't invest in the wrong guy and give your heart and other body parts to men who will never love you the way God created you to be loved.
Speaker 1:So I hope you got a lot of value from this episode. If you have any questions or any comments on this episode at all, please feel free to reach out. All the comments are below this video, okay, or below this podcast. All right, I'll see you next week. Have an amazing week, much love. Thanks for spending this time with me on the spiritual dating podcast.
Speaker 1:I truly hope today's episode helped you to feel more hopeful, more empowered and more connected to the love that you're meant to have. If this episode resonated with you, please make sure to follow the show so you never miss an episode, and and if you really feel inspired, I'd be so grateful if you left a review or shared it with another amazing woman who you know deserved to have a great guy by her side to share life with. And if you're ready to go deeper and get real guidance on your spiritual dating journey, come join me in our private Facebook community. Just grab the link in the description of today's episode. Until next time, remember you're not too old, it's not too late and the love you desire is absolutely possible, because God didn't put that desire in your heart for no reason. This is Joe Amoya, your spiritual dating coach, reminding you that true love is your birthright, so let's make it your reality.