Spiritual Dating

Giving Too Much: The Truth About One-Sided Relationships

• Joe Amoia • Episode 13

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Are you someone who constantly gives more than you receive in relationships? Do you find yourself pouring love, energy, and attention into partners who offer little in return? Contrary to what you might believe, your generous heart isn't the problem!

The real issue isn't that you give too much—it's that you're giving to the wrong person. In divine, healthy relationships, it's impossible to "over-give. Why? Because in these relationships there is a beautiful balance of giving and receiving that comes from the hearts of both individuals.

That's the Divine Love god makes possible for you!

When you find yourself stuck in one-sided relationships, what's actually missing are healthy boundaries.

Healthy boundaries aren't superficial desires or demands that you project onto man. They're acts of self-love, a loving line in the sand which lay the foundation for a deep and lasting connection. 

These Healthy Boundaries tell a man, "This is what I need to feel valued and respected in this relationship." Without them, relationship partners can easily take without giving back, leaving you with emotional crumbs when you deserve a full feast of love.

Men who are emotionally available and emotionally healthy are attracted to women who respect themselves enough to establish clear boundaries. 

in fact, in this episode I share an experience my wife had with an ex which immediately showed me she was the type of woman I was looking to share my life with. When she told me this story she immediately stood out from the other single women I had been meeting and made me realize she was the exact type of woman my soul was searching for.

You'll also discover how healthy boundaries "align" your energy with the Divine Love God wants for you and how it's a giant step into turning that love into your reality...without spending years on a therapists couch!

Ready to transform your relationship patterns and attract the love you truly deserve? Join our supportive community where we explore the spiritual principles of creating healthy, balanced relationships. Your perfect divine partnership isn't just possible—it's your birthright.

Speaker 1:

When you're in a relationship, do you tend to give too much? Well, I want you to know. Giving too much isn't the problem. Want to know what it really is? Stay tuned.

Speaker 1:

Welcome to the Spiritual Dating Podcast, where spirituality, psychology and successful dating strategies come together to help you turn the love you desire into a reality. I'm your host, joe Amoya, your spiritual dating and relationship coach. If you're a spiritually grounded woman who has almost everything you want except a great guy to share your life with, you're in the right place. If you're done settling, tired of the dating merry-go-round and ready to attract a high-quality, emotionally available man who will love you the way God created you to be loved, this podcast is for you. I'm here to show you how to date smarter, love deeper and create the kind of relationship your heart desires and truly deserves. Hello, beautiful souls, welcome back to another episode of the Spiritual Dating Podcast.

Speaker 1:

That's something heavy on my heart, you know. It's something that I see all the time, very, very, very frequently, and it really makes my heart sad. And that's when I see someone anyone, it could be a male or a female, a woman, man or a woman and they're in a relationship where it's one-sided, where they're giving and they're giving and they're giving and they're not getting back what they desire. And they think that when you love someone you're supposed to give, that when you love someone you're supposed to give. And I agree, I believe that in a relationship it's a give and take. But that's the second part of the equation. There's a take, it's a receive, it's a giving and a receiving, and there's a healthy balance in that. In a healthy relationship, in a divine relationship, that's the relationship God wants us to have, right? God wants us to be able to give. But you shall receive, right Give and you shall receive, and it's the giving that comes first. But sometimes, when we're in a relationship, we give and we give and we give and we don't receive. Or what happens is we receive a little crumb and because it's a little crumb, we justify to ourselves and to the rest of the world why it's okay and even though we know in our heart and our soul it's really not so if you have a habit of giving more than you get back, you're going to love today's episode, because what we're going to talk about giving isn't the problem.

Speaker 1:

See, I don't believe that if you're in a healthy relationship, you can give too much. My wife is one of the most loving giving individuals. I know like she's a giver, but she also allows me to give to her and to receive. So it's not a one way relationship. And so if you're not receiving back, it's not because you're giving too much. If you're giving too much, you're giving to the wrong person. That's the issue. Yes, you can give too much to the wrong person, but in a relationship, a healthy relationship, a divine relationship you can't give too much. It's literally impossible, because you're giving and you're receiving. And that's where the issue comes in.

Speaker 1:

If you're giving and you're not receiving, it's not the other person's fault. It's because you don't have healthy boundaries, and that's what we're going to talk about today. If you're giving too much to the wrong person, it's because you don't have healthy boundaries. It has nothing to do with the other person. You're allowing that other person to take from you and to not give to you, or to give crumbs, and you're accepting those crumbs. That's why I call it healthy boundaries. Healthy boundaries this is how I see them. It's kind of like a line in the sand, right? So if you're at the beach, imagine being at the beach and you're on, you draw a line in the sand and you're on one side and your partner is on the other side when you are giving too much to them or to him and you're not getting back. It's like that person takes your line in the sand, runs their foot through it and complete, messes it up and it doesn't exist anymore. And it's kind of like, well, you're allowing me to take and you're not drawing your line in the sand and telling me that you know what I deserve better. And see, what I believe is that healthy boundaries are a form of self-love.

Speaker 1:

Ultimately, if you like, peel away and get down to the core, right at the core of the issue of why you don't have healthy boundaries is because of self-love, and usually behind that is some kind of fear. But we're not going to get into that. This isn't psychotherapy, we're just we're going to talk about what's really going on, because I don't believe you need to go and understand why you don't have healthy boundaries. You need to go. Oh, this is the problem. How do I develop healthy boundaries? Right, it doesn't matter why, where or how it came. Came if you want to like, knock yourself out, but I think it's kind of a waste of time and energy. I think if you decide to go, okay, what matters is yeah, I really don't have healthy boundaries, so why don't I have healthy boundaries? Because I'm afraid to have healthy boundaries? That's really what it comes down to.

Speaker 1:

But when you see that one of the best things that you can do and you see healthy boundaries, like you reframe it as a form of self-love, like this is loving yourself and respecting yourself enough to know you won't choose to be with a partner who just takes and takes and takes and doesn't give it all, or who takes and takes and takes and just gives you a crumb. And again, imagine if you're hungry, right, and somebody came along and they just gave you a crumb. You'd be like in that instant oh, this is great. But what happens is you're like but it's not filling, it's not enough, I need more. And in relationship, your soul there are things your soul needs from your partner. Right, In order to have a happy, healthy, lasting relationship, there are things that you must have from your partner. And if you're in a relationship where you're giving and giving and giving and you're not getting back, you're not gonna be very happy, unless you're Mother Teresa, unless you can really say you know what I'm really, really happy in giving, giving, giving and not getting anything in return or just getting crumbs. If you truly can say that, wow, you are amazing. I totally. But I think it's being dishonest because I think in our we all have soul's desires and, again, god wants us to be happy. God wants us to have relationships where we're giving and then receiving, and those relationships are remarkable.

Speaker 1:

Now I can share my own experience. I was with my ex and I was giving and I was giving and I was giving and I was getting crumbs like crumbs it wasn't, I wasn't getting nothing, but I was getting crumbs and I thought because you know, we were engaged to be married and we said we loved each other and we wanted the same thing in life. I thought that was enough and so I wasn't honoring my boundaries, like I would have my line in the sand, right and I would be firm. I can say, hey, I wasn't happy and things needed to change. And she was like yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like was yessing me to death Tell me exactly what I wanted to hear, but wasn't backing up with her action. So it was literally like she was taking that line, messing up with a free and then going on her business and I was sitting there going oh okay, you know, I'm supposed to give right when you're, when you have a big heart, right and you love, it's like this is what I do, this is who I am, but I was giving to the wrong person.

Speaker 1:

It's really what it was, because I didn't have healthy boundaries in place and, more importantly, I wasn't willing to stick to them. So what I find is, if you don't have healthy boundaries in place, or you have, you think you have boundaries in place but you're not sticking to them is because you're afraid to. You're afraid, if I like stand up and say, hey, this is unacceptable. I need more from you as my partner. Right, it's a give and take relationship, right, and you're just taking, but you're really not giving or you're not giving enough for me. It doesn't make you wrong. It makes me being honest and it makes me loving and respecting myself and telling you that, as a partner, I need more from you. And if you can't give more or you don't want to give more, then I need to leave.

Speaker 1:

But that brings up a lot of stuff, right? Well, I got to go and be single again. What if I never find somebody. Maybe you know this is as good as it gets, or maybe I don't deserve it, like all your shit's going to come to the surface, but that's what you have to look at, right, and that's the purpose of these podcasts is we want to say let's shine the light of truth, to say, okay, what's really going on. Because if you don't have healthy boundaries, or you have boundaries and you're not sticking to them, you're not going to have the relationship God wants for you, the relationship that you desire in your, in your soul, and we're here to tell you that's how it is meant to be, that is what is possible. But again, you have free will and what you do with that free will and the choices and decisions you make, including creating healthy boundaries or having no boundaries, is also going to determine what you experience, and so it is absolutely vital that you A develop boundaries.

Speaker 1:

I know some people listening are just like you know, I really don't have any boundaries and okay, great, let's start with that, and we don't need to understand and look into why we just go okay, I really don't have any boundaries, my boundaries suck. Or you have boundaries and you try to hold them, but really don't have any boundaries, my boundaries suck. Or you have boundaries and you try to hold them but you don't, and that's okay. That means that there's some work to do around that as well. So I want to give you another example.

Speaker 1:

When I was saying because this is remember I said healthy boundaries are a form of self-love, well, when a man is looking for that special woman to share the rest of his life with, he wants a woman who respects herself enough, who loves herself enough, who has healthy boundaries, who says I love myself enough not to allow you to disrespect me, to dishonor me, to give me crumbs when I deserve a full meal. And when a man sees a woman like that, she stands out from all the other women out there who don't have boundaries, who don't love themselves, who don't respect themselves, who are needy and will take whatever morsels a man will give them. And to a quality guy, a guy who's emotionally available and emotionally healthy, he looks at that as like look, you're a nice person, but you don't love yourself and you don't respect yourself, you don't honor yourself, and so therefore you're not the woman for me and he'll move on. But then, when he sees that you do have healthy boundaries, he's going to say to himself wow, you're different, you're the kind of woman that I can be with, you're the kind of woman that I want to spend the rest of my life with. So let me give you an example.

Speaker 1:

When I was dating my wife, natalie, you know we were just going on dates, we were getting to know each other and there are certain stories that I can almost go back in time and like, just be right in that moment. So and I don't remember exactly what date it was, but my wife and I we were sitting across the table at dinner, we went out to dinner and we're talking and we were talking about, you know, our past and you know she talked about. She had a really serious relationship where she thought it was going to be the person she had hoped it was, and then, ultimately, the relationship ended and, long story short, they had gone their own separate ways. And he comes back, like a few years later and at that point my wife had had, you know, a couple of insignificant relations, but nothing really serious. And she was at that point where, you know, she had a desire in her soul to get married, to be a wife, to be a mother, to have children, to have a family. We both grew up in very traditional Italian families and it was an important part of our lives and something that was really important to us, so that we have lunch and they go out to lunch. And she didn't know what it was about because they hadn't been in contact for years. So she tells me the story.

Speaker 1:

She's like I thought he was going to come back and told me he like had AIDS or something and I had to get checked. Like it's funny how our mind goes so long story short. He says, you know, and he was about to get engaged to someone else and get married, but he really he always loved my wife, but he knew he couldn't give her what she wanted because she wanted to be a stay at home mom and he just he didn't have the education, the income to be able to provide at that level for her and he didn't believe in himself and his ability to do that. So he says you know, look, you know I always, you know I loved you and I envisioned, you know, wanting to be with you. And you know, if? And he's like, if I call it off with so-and-so, will you take me back Now my wife? Again.

Speaker 1:

This is someone, it's almost like someone saying here I can give you what you want, like you want to get married, you want to have kids. Here it is. But in that moment she turned around, she asked him one question and she said if we were to ultimately get married, will I be able to stay home, yeah, and raise our kids Again? Healthy, boundary, healthy, line in the sand, this is what her heart and soul desire. This is what was true for her. Doesn't mean it had to be true for somebody else, but in her soul, in her heart, this is what she wanted. This was her line in the sand. And he said to her you know my income, you know what I do. There's no way we'll be able to do that. There's no way we'll be able to do that. And she said to him well, I'm sorry. And she ended the lunch or wherever meal they went.

Speaker 1:

And in that moment, when she told me that story, I was like this is the kind of woman that I'm looking for. She loved herself enough, respected herself enough and was so true to her desires that she was willing to walk away and not settle from what it is that she really desired in her heart and that story that she shared only happened like two months prior to us meeting. That story that she shared only happened like two months prior to us meeting. So it's kind of like God saying, okay, awesome, you just showed me that you are worthy of the type of love that I desire for you. And because you took that aligned action because everything we do in this universe is energy right. So her thoughts, her words and her actions aligned with what she desired. And eight weeks later, over many weeks later, you know, god put me in her path and put her in my path. That wasn't a coincidence.

Speaker 1:

So what I want you to understand is these healthy boundaries aren't just about drawing a line in the sand. It's really becoming an energetic match to what you want. And this is just one of the ways. Right, and that's why we talk about in this podcast the three pillars right, the spiritual right, which spiritual is your connection to the mind and being who you really are, expressing your soul and your soul's desires, and aligning yourself energetically, vibrationally, with what you desire. Right, and then there's the emotional and psychological is having the thoughts, having the beliefs, not letting your fears control you, managing your emotions. My wife could have easily let her emotions take over and said, well, I haven't had any prospects recently, you know, maybe it's, you know, better to have this and get married and have kids and to settle than maybe not having it at all. Right, that was very possible. But then her actions right, she had a strategy, she had a plan, she knew what she desired and she took a step towards it, instead of compromising, instead of making excuses.

Speaker 1:

So that's so important and that's what I wanted you to get from today is that if you're giving too much, okay, you're A with the wrong person, right. You're not a person who is, as they say in the Bible, equally yoked, right? Or you don't have healthy boundaries, right. So you're either with the wrong person or you don't have healthy boundaries. And if you don't have healthy boundaries, it's because you don't value yourself, you don't love yourself enough to have those boundaries and you're afraid that if you do, you might not get what you want. That person will leave, and that's why I wanted to share that story with you, because it's so, so, so important.

Speaker 1:

So, if your goal is to have the relationship that God wants for you and you were created to have, it is important, vital, that you have healthy boundaries, and if you don't, you don't need to spend years in therapy unless you want to. You can just say okay, what do I need to do to create healthy boundaries and to learn how to stick to them? And so, if you have any questions on that, this podcast, this episode, is bringing up some stuff and you're realizing, hey, you know what? Yeah, I either pick guys who just take and that's a, that's a residual effect of my picker or I don't have healthy boundaries because I'm afraid of, if I do have boundaries, then a guy's not going to want to be with me, he's going to leave me, he's going to reject me, whatever it may be, he's going to think I'm a bitch, whatever it may be. Or you just realize that you know what, I don't have boundaries because I'm afraid I really don't love myself enough, I don't value myself enough, and that's okay, that's great if you get to that, because that's where you start, right.

Speaker 1:

So don't ever judge yourself for where you're at. Just observe and see that as an opportunity to learn, grow and evolve, because that's what spiritual dating is. Everything that happens now and that has happened in your past is all part of God's plan for you to ultimately evolve to be the person who can ultimately attract and create the relationship that God wants for you. But, as we always say, god can't do that God wants for you. But, as we always say, god can't do your pushups for you. That's your job. Hope this helps. Hope it resonates. I'll see you next week, much love.

Speaker 1:

Thanks for spending this time with me on the Spiritual Dating Podcast. I truly hope today's episode helped you to feel more hopeful, more empowered and more connected to the love that you're meant to have. If this episode resonated with you, please make sure to follow the show so you never miss an episode. And if you really feel inspired, I'd be so grateful if you left a review or shared it with another amazing woman who you know deserves to have a great guy by her side to share life, with amazing woman who you know deserve to have a great guy by her side to share life with. And if you're ready to go deeper and get real guidance on your spiritual dating journey, come join me in our private Facebook community. Just grab the link in the description of today's episode. Until next time, remember you're not too old, it's not too late and the love you desire is absolutely possible Because God didn't put that desire in your heart for no reason. This is Joe Amoya, your spiritual dating coach, reminding you that true love is your birthright, so let's make it your reality.