Spiritual Dating

The First Date Success Formula -3 Simple Ways To Turn A First Date Into a Great Date!

• Joe Amoia

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Do you tense up at the mere mention of first dates? That familiar knot in your stomach, the overthinking about what to wear, what to say, and how to act? You're definitely not alone. But what if I told you that your discomfort with dating might simply indicate you haven't yet mastered the art of dating effectively?

In this illuminating episode, I share three transformative strategies that can turn your first dates from anxiety-inducing encounters into enjoyable, authentic connections. The first critical step is learning to screen potential matches thoroughly before investing in an in-person meeting. This isn't about creating an interrogation but developing meaningful pre-date conversations that reveal compatibility and save you from wasting time with clearly mismatched partners.

The second game-changing approach involves releasing all expectations and attachments before walking into that coffee shop or restaurant. When you carry the weight of past dating disappointments or anxiously project relationship outcomes before you've even ordered appetizers, you're not truly present. This mental clutter prevents genuine connection from forming. By clearing these distractions, you create space for discovery rather than judgment.

Finally, showing up as your authentic self while demonstrating genuine curiosity about your date creates the foundation for meaningful interaction. Like a good tennis match, conversation should flow naturally back and forth, with both parties feeling seen and valued. This authenticity isn't just refreshing in today's often superficial dating landscape—it's magnetic.

Whether you're recently divorced, widowed, or have been navigating the singles scene for years, these principles will transform your dating experience. Ready to revolutionize your approach to first dates? Listen NOW! 

Feel free to contact me with any questions/comments you may have about this episode via email at joe@joeamoia.com

You can also send a DM and follow me on instagram or reach out in our facebook group. You can also find more inspiring and empowering content on my YouTube channel.

I aways love hearing from you!

Speaker 1:

When you're going on a first date, do you find it stressful and overwhelming? Well, if so, I want you to pay close attention, because in this video, you're going to find how to turn a first date into a great date by doing three simple things. Pay attention, welcome to the Spiritual Dating Podcast, where spirituality, psychology and successful dating strategies come together to help you turn the love you desire into a reality. I'm your host, joe Amoya, your spiritual dating and relationship coach. If you're a spiritually grounded woman who has almost everything you want except a great guy to share your life with, with, you're in the right place. If you're done settling, tired of the dating merry-go-round, and ready to attract a high quality, emotionally available man who will love you the way god created you to be loved, this podcast is for you. I'm here to show you how to date smarter, love deeper and create the kind of relationship your heart desires and truly deserves. Hello, beautiful souls, welcome back to another episode of the Smarter Dating Podcast.

Speaker 1:

I'm going to give you a word Ready First date. Well, actually, that's two words. I stand corrected. I'm going to give you two words First date. When I say those two words, what do you feel Like? What comes up for you? Are you like, yeah, love them, love going on first dates? Are you like, oh my God, remember the on first dates. Are you like, oh my God, like, remember the nails on the chalkboard when you're in school? Like, oh, that feeling that just like puts that chill down your spine. Is it something like that? Well, if you're like most members of our community, you're not a big fan of first dates or dating in general. And I get it right.

Speaker 1:

Dating today, at this stage of the game, can be very frustrating. It can be very overwhelming, very stressful, very depressing, demoralizing, like. Pick any adjective right. You've probably experienced one, if not all of them. But here's what I learned, because there was a time in my life where I hated dating, like, if I had to be honest, what I learned is that if you don't like dating, it's probably because you're not good at it. Now, that's not a judgment. Please don't take that as an attack, criticism that you're not enough. You're not good enough. You suck it, your fault. I'm not saying any of that. Please, please, please, don't go there. Just hear. What I'm saying is that if you don't like dating, you're probably not good at it, and that's exactly why I hate. I hated dating.

Speaker 1:

You know there's this myth out there that, like, guys have it easy and it's so easy for guys to date. And now look, if a guy is born with GQ looks and a guy has game you know what I'm talking about Then yeah, for guys like that it's very easy. But the reality is that's not how it is for most guys. Most guys with average looks and average personalities and average bodies, right, really struggle with dating just as much as you do. Now, I know that may be hard to believe and the reason it's hard to believe is because you're a woman and you see dating through your eyes. But I promise you, if you have a cousin, a brother, a best friend, a coworker who's male and you ask them what dating is like, now this is the person who's looking for a relationship.

Speaker 1:

I'm not saying somebody who's just looking to go out and have some fun right and find anybody to go out with him. I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about finding that guy who's a quality dude and he's out there and he's looking for that special woman to share the rest of his life with. Like he's ready to settle down, he's emotionally available, he's emotionally ready, he has no problem being with commitment, but he's looking for that special woman to share the rest of his life with. If you find that guy and you ask him what dating is like for him, I promise you he's going to tell you it's a shit show, right? I would say that the circus is the same, the clowns are different, right? And that's what dating is for quality guys and quality women. That's just how it is. That's the reality of the world that we live in. But what we're here to show you is it doesn't have to be, and this whole process of dating and first dates can actually be an enjoyable, fun and successful experience, and that's what we're going to do in this video.

Speaker 1:

So I'm going to give you three tips, three things that you can do that can turn a first date into a great date. You ready? You might want to get a pen and paper out for this one. So let's start. Number one screen before you go out on the date. You know I see this all the time.

Speaker 1:

It's like I hate dating, right? I don't want to go on dates. It's horrible. Guys play games and you have to get all dressed up and look your best and you show up on a date and the guy's wearing loafers or he's wearing open toed shoes with sandals I mean sandals with socks and the ketchup from lunch is on his shirt and it looks like he hasn't bathed in a week. And again, all the stories trust me. But here's the deal. If you have a process for screening, you're going to weed out so many of the guys that cause you to have the bad dates, and so I get that you don't enjoy the process of dating. But again, it's because you're not good at it and you're probably like most people.

Speaker 1:

It's like I just want to find somebody to go on a date with, because I want to find the right one so I can get in a relationship and have that special person to share my life with. I get it, I truly get it, but that's just not the way it works. It's a lot like saying I want to get in shape without doing the work, without having to go to the gym or having to exercise and having to eat regularly and eat healthy. I just want to be in shape Now. Yeah, could you go get a stomach bypass and could you go take some drugs or try some quick fix, magic fad diet, but are those things going to lead to the result that you desire. Probably not right, so I understand.

Speaker 1:

But what we try to espouse in these podcasts is that it doesn't have to be this laborious process where it's like having Ruth Canal without Novocaine Like it really doesn't. It can actually be an enjoyable, fun, positive experience when you learn how to date successfully. So that's why it's so important to screen before you go out, to have a process to determine if this is the right guy. So on a first date right, I'm sorry, while you're screening, right, you need to have this process of determining if Is this the type of guy that you're looking for? Because that's where a date is totally determined. Is this a person you want to see, you want to go out with again and that you could possibly have a relationship with? And so you want to screen to see is it even worth going out on a date with this guy, right? So if you're screening properly before you go on the date and you're investing some time and just having a conversation like this isn't interrogation, right, it's just having a natural conversation from a place of you know, are you the type of guy that I'm looking for and is it even worth going out on this date? Because if you can do that successfully and you can get the answer to both of these questions to be yes, you've greatly increased your chances of having a good or a great first date. But if you say no to any of these or you don't screen well enough, you're going to find yourself on a date with a guy who's not the quality and caliber of the type of guy you're looking for, and that's when a date turns into a horrible experience because you haven't done your due diligence to determine, a if he's even worth going out with, and B is he the type of guy that you're looking for? And that's why you want to screen before you go out. This will eliminate so many, so many of the bad dates and it actually increases your chances of having a great date. Okay, so that's the first thing.

Speaker 1:

The second thing is you want to let go of all your attachments and expectations of that first date. You know again, I get it. You know, if you're at this stage of your life you've probably been married, had significant relationships and you're looking to settle down you want your life partner, that person you're going to spend the rest of your life with this dating thing. It's not what you want to be doing. I get it. You have to let go of your expectations and your attachments to how you think that date should be. And here's why, right, when you go into that first date with attachments of how you think it should be and expectations of how you think it should be and how he should be, what you're doing is you're no longer in the present, right. What you're doing is you're bringing your past into that first date and so all your experiences, everything you went through with men, with other first dates, with other guys who may have looked similarly or said certain things, you're automatically in judgment and you're not being present and that's gonna put you in an energy where your date is going to pick that up, okay. So it's really really pick that up, okay. So it's really really important that you understand that, okay.

Speaker 1:

The second thing that we'll do, when that it will do when you go in with your expectations and your attachments is you're now projecting, projecting your thoughts about men, about relationships, about behavior, about people. You're projecting that into the future and you're no longer now in the present. It's like right. So if a guy says something or looks a certain way, you're automatically judging him right, and when you judge him, you're now projecting into the future oh, what he's going to do and how he's going to do it and how he's going to screw you over all that other stuff and that's where it takes you out of the present moment. So when you get rid of attachments and expectations, you now get to just be here in the present moment having a conversation, and that's the purpose of a first date is to be present to determine is this the kind of guy you want to see again, is this the kind of guy you may be looking for? You don't know. But if you let go of the attachments and the expectations, you can just be in the moment, and I can't tell you how valuable this is.

Speaker 1:

When I was dating, that's kind of how I went into the process, because at that point, when I was single, I'd done enough dates. I'd been on a ton of first dates, and so I went in with this philosophy that I'm just going out to have a good time. I'm not expecting anything from this person. I'm not trying to determine if they're going to be the love of my life, cause at that point I've had so many dates where I thought this is great, this is the person they're saying and doing all the right things, and then I got ghosted. Or then I realized that after getting to know them a little and being in investing in them or a relationship, I realized that they weren't who they were portraying themselves to be Right. So I'm like you know what, ultimately, at the end of the day, this is going to be the person I'm looking for, the love of my life, or it's not. And so I'm going to get rid of all expectations that I have to figure that out today. I'm just trying to determine is this the kind of person I want to get to know better and is this the kind of person I want to go out with Again? That's it. If neither of those questions were yes, that was the end. But here's the beautiful part I still had a great time on that date because I was no longer attached to how I wanted it to go or how I thought it should go, and that took all the stress and pressure that I had to say or do all the right things to make this person like me. And then I can just show up and be myself, and that's the third tip, right?

Speaker 1:

The third tip is to generally be yourself and show a genuine interest in the person that you're sitting across from on that date. Like if you can generally just be yourself and show like your real self. Don't pretend to be something you're not. Don't say something that you don't believe is true. Don't try and say that you like a certain music if you don't, just because you know the guy likes the music. Like, when you can be your true, authentic self and be genuinely interested in your date, the guy's going to see that. The guy's going to go wow, you're different. Like, you're real, you're genuine. I can have a conversation with you, we can be real.

Speaker 1:

See, a great date is like a game of tennis, right, because I know you're listening to go. Joe, I do that. I go on these dates and I have a conversation. I'm generally interested in getting to know the guy and he's not asking me any questions. He's not generally interested? Yeah, probably because you didn't screen him enough before you went on that date.

Speaker 1:

Meeting somebody, reading their profile, having a couple of test exchanges and going out is, I think, one of the biggest mistakes that I see today, because you haven't spent enough time to know that guy, who he's portraying himself to be behind that profile, behind that screen, is probably not who he really is. So that's where you have to do your due diligence right, that's where you have to ask the questions, that's where that pre-screening is so valuable. So, again, you've got to show a genuine interest in your date and you have to be your authentic self. And when you do that, it becomes like a game of tennis where you're following, following back and forth. You hit the ball to him, you're asking some questions, because he's generally interested in getting to know you. He will ask you some questions and you go back and forth and there's no stress, there's no pressure, and at the end of the date you walk away saying there's no stress, there's no pressure, and at the end of the date you walk away saying, wow, that date was like three hours. It seems like it was five minutes. Yeah, because you were both fully present.

Speaker 1:

And so when you take these three tips and apply it to your dating life and that first date, you're going to see how it's going to make a drastic change in the success rate of your first date. Does that mean every first day is going to turn to the love of your life? See how it's going to make a drastic change in the success rate of your first date. Does that mean every first date is going to turn to the love of your life? No, it's impossible to know that. Now I know there are some people where they sit down from each other and they're like I knew from the moment I sat down that they were the love of my life, they were a person I'm going to spend the rest of my life with. Does that happen? Absolutely, but I think those things are the exception, not the rule.

Speaker 1:

In this day and age, at this stage, if you're over 50 and single and looking for love, you've had your heart broken. You've invested in guys who have lied, who have misrepresented themselves. It's very hard to know that and I think that's a good thing. I think you can use that to your advantage because, in being guarded, it makes you do your due diligence, to get clear, to ask the questions and to know how to date in a way that is going to lead to success. So you got to understand. This is really really, really important and this is a game changer.

Speaker 1:

If you apply these tips, but like anything else if you don't. But like anything else if you don't. But here's a little test. Go out and try it and see how it goes. If you do, let me know what changes you see. All right, as always, it's an honor and privilege to spend this time with you. I'll see you next week, much love.

Speaker 1:

Thanks for spending this time with me on the Spiritual Dating Podcast. I truly hope today's episode helped you to feel more hopeful, more empowered and more connected to the love that you're meant to have. If this episode resonated with you, please make sure to follow the show so you never miss an episode. And if you really feel inspired, I'd be so grateful if you left a review or shared it with another amazing woman who you know deserved to have a great guy by her side to share life with. And if you're ready to go deeper and get real guidance on your spiritual dating journey, come join me in our private Facebook community. Just grab the link in the description of today's episode. Until next time, remember you're not too old, it's not too late and the love you desire is absolutely possible, because God didn't put that desire in your heart for no reason. This is Joe Amoya, your spiritual dating coach, reminding you that true love is your birthright, so let's make it your reality.