All-Hands-On-Deck Suicide Prevention Challenge

This episode focuses on suicide and the major challenge it presents to everyone when we know, know of or hear about someone who has attempted suicide or openly talked about it. We as individuals and as people need to take a closer look at our families, friends, neighbors, coworkers, etc., and immediately take action if we find ourselves in such a situation. First, develop a plan either individually or with others to mitigate the issue as quickly as possible. For example, you can do this by taking these 5 critical steps, more specifically with someone you know well:

1. ASK: Tap into the thoughts of the individual by compassionately asking them if they are ok or if they need help with anything. Tell him/her that you noticed that the individual seems a bit off as of late and you want to help. As you pull more from the individual, then focus on asking, “Are you thinking about suicide?” It’s not an easy question to ask, but it can help start a conversation. I have learned that studies show that asking people if they are suicidal does not increase suicidal behavior or thoughts.
2. BE THERE: Listening without judgment is key to learning what the person is thinking and feeling. Research suggests acknowledging and talking about suicide may reduce suicidal thoughts.
3. HELP KEEP THEM SAFE: Reducing access to highly lethal items or places can help prevent suicide. Asking the person if they have a plan and making lethal means less available or less deadly can help the person stay safe when suicidal thoughts arise.
4. HELP THEM CONNECT: Connecting the person with the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (call or text 988) and other community resources can give them a safety net when they need it. You can also help them reach out to a trusted family member, friend, spiritual advisor, or mental health professional.
5. FOLLOW UP: Staying in touch with the person after they have experienced a crisis or been discharged from care can make a difference. Studies show that supportive, ongoing contact can play an important role in suicide prevention.

Listen people, suicide is never to be taken lightly, so get involved as much as you possible can and always ensure that the individual knows that you love him/her and you will always be there!

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:23

Hey, hey, what's up out there, everybody? I'm the host of You Better Plan on the Podcast. I hope everybody's having a good day and have a good week ahead. Just want to take the time out to talk to you for a little bit. But before we get started, do me a favor, if you like what you're seeing, like what you're hearing, hit that subscribe button. It's free, you know. And I appreciate having you on the team. So uh as I get started today, I want to talk about something near and dear to my heart. Uh during my time in the Marine Corps, at 22 years I spent in it earlier in my Marine Corps career, I believe I was a corporal, it's an E4. Um I had a friend uh that committed suicide. And in my retirement, uh just maybe I think maybe a year, year and a half following my retirement from the Marine Corps, I had another good friend that committed suicide. You know, it is suicide is really uh taking had it has taken the military by storm for years and years and years. Now things have gotten better over the years. Uh, you know, because I I joined way back in the 80s and retired uh right at 2010, 22 years worth. So, you know, you witness a lot of things. But one of the things uh I want us to do more of is take a look at your family, your friends, your loved ones, co-workers. If you have a relationship with someone and you know that something is wrong, I challenge you, I mean, I dare you, I challenge you to pull that individual aside and have a conversation. You don't need to get personalized with it by asking, hey, are you you thinking about committing suicide? Just first have a conversation with them to see, hey, young man, young lady, or hey, cuz, hey, sister, hey brother. Hey, I just noticed something seems a little off. Is everything okay? You know, you good? Just take the time to have a very personal and really heartfelt conversation with the person without making them feel like uh you're trying to be too personalized or getting too far into the business, but you know your friends, your family, your loved ones, your co-workers very well, just as I do. Now, during the early part of my career with the friend that committed suicide, I knew, and a lot of other Marines knew from our unit that he was going through some things with his family, you know, and and we were young. I mean, we're we're talking uh 91, 92 time frame, right after right during Desert Storm, Desert Shield uh type uh side of the house. And we were, you know, noticed that something was wrong. We came back, and everybody had different conversations, but honestly, at that point in time, I didn't know exactly what to say. Yeah, he and I had a couple of conversations, and he told me some things, you know, which I won't get into uh that was going on with the family, you know, and you just have a good conversation, but you really don't know exactly how to go about saying it, and you don't want to tell anyone specific. So there was a few of us, and yeah, we had conversations with them, and we had conversations with each other, and is there anything you think we can do, but none of us took that golden opportunity to go to higher command or the chaplain or somebody that sits up there who had a lot more experience than us. Yeah, sure. We told people, told each other amongst ourselves, because we're always in that same rank, structure Lance Corpus, the sergeants, and you have that conversation, and you feel pretty good because with this same Marine, you're playing basketball every day, and you're going to the gym, and and he's smiling and seems happy. But when he goes home, it's apparently a totally different story. And then when he comes back, you see him up and down and up and down, and I feel guilty myself, and I fought myself to a point as well because I could have gone higher, but because I would see him in good moods, because he was around us, I think most of us just took it for granted that oh, he's gonna be okay. And we I think it was a Thursday afternoon. Uh, he came back to the barracks pretty late and whatnot. He was gonna stay at the barracks because we had, I believe we had weapons cleaning or something going on the very next day, and a very early morning uh battalion run. So Friday, when everybody came in, we did a nice battalion run. It's gonna be an early day, and we had that Monday off for a three-day weekend. So we were gonna get off early on Friday, get back from the battalion run, stay in PT Gear, do some weapons cleaning and whatnot, and then right around 1300, have that go-away formation and enjoy the long weekend. Well, we got through that day, and then on that Friday evening, everything seemed good, everything seemed okay. And then I got a phone call on Saturday morning, and I learned that my dear friend had committed suicide. And you know, I I was just in a total state of shock because I just not could not believe that that was possible for him to do such a thing. And then when you hear about it, it becomes just right away just draining to your soul, your spirit, because you just had a great physical fitness run and you hung out all day and you had fun. But something went wrong between the time we got off and Saturday morning. And to this day, I don't know exactly what happened, other than it was a family matter, and my dear friend took his own life. It hurt so bad because I felt like I let him down. And I talked to other Marines in our unit who were close to him as well, and we felt like we let him down. Because we didn't do enough. We don't believe we did enough, and we believe that he could still be here. We've had conversations about it when we seen each other, you know, we can have get togethers here and there, and you know, we we talk about it. But we were young, inexperienced, didn't he exactly know what to do, but because he was smiling and joking and having a good time with us, we assumed everything was alright. But once he left the barracks to go home or wherever he was going, things changed. You know, so I gotta challenge you straight up. If you see it, say something. Do something, have a conversation with it. If you don't know what to do or don't know what to say, have a conversation with someone that you know knows what to say. And all of us at an age and stage in life where we know what to say. Now, my really dear friend, when I was down in San Diego, just after retirement, I had moved back up uh to Northern California by my wife and family. Uh, I was home, and then I got a phone call from another good friend of mine and told me that this dear friend had just committed suicide less than 24 hours ago. And again, it was another family matter. Now, I wasn't aware of anything that was going on before that because I had already retired and he was still uh doing his time still. I think he still had two or three more years to go before his retirement. And I'm telling you, that one really sank my heart. He and I had gotten so close, uh spent quite a bit of time together, especially like going to lunch and just hanging out, because my office is on the back side of the building. He came in there just to hang out, take a nap, use the computer, whatever, use the phone, uh, talk to his family, whatever. Because I was back there, it's just me and another Marine that ran LSD LSD, LSPD class round, the ship side. So, you know, it was just a really good time being around it. Oh, we joked and laughed and cut up all the time. We got a chance to spend so much time together. You know, we did we did uh flag raisings and funeral services and things like that together. So we got really close and you know, we hung out, played ball together, worked out together. So I didn't witness anything being sideways with him during the time I was there. But something happened when I transitioned out of the Marine Corps and went back up to Northern California with my family. I wasn't hearing anything, and you know, and I shoot an email to him or a text or whatever, and things seemed to be okay. No one told me that he was going through some things, so I just didn't know. And so when I found out what happened to him, that was so devastating to me. I was not prepared uh to deal with that because I just felt like wow, I should I should have been there. You know, you get those mixed feelings about what you could have done if I was there because we had such a close relationship, and I spent so much time around him and his family. That's what just really destroyed me. And then it turns out it had a lot to do, it had everything to do with the family based on emails and things of that nature that took place, which I won't get into out of respect for the family and the situation. But when you have four children between the ages of six and fifteen, and they come home, and one of your young children comes inside and they find you, and then the rest of the family comes inside because there's screaming and yelling going on, and then the families find out, and then the command finds out, and then all of us find out the friends and loved ones and who care about you. We find out, and there's nothing that we could do about it. I mean, I just did not know, and that really hurt me to the core. And then I got asked to be a part of the ceremony, and that was my honor to do, but that was so difficult to go through. To take that flight down to San Diego and then spend a week down there just trying to be part of the family and help them out in any way that I could and just be there for them to help them out. But to be a part of that ceremony and to go uh to the funeral service and do it first to the funeral home, and then you see the situation, and then you realize, man, that's one of my great friends that's laying in that casket, and he's never coming back. So I'm challenging you on this very day, at this very time. I don't care who you are, I don't care what your thoughts are, who you think you might be, rich, poor, middle class, whatever you fall into, you know people very well, just as I do. So when you see a situation or you hear about a situation, and you know you have access to that individual, please, sir, ma'am, take the opportunity to just ask, hey, haven't seen you in a minute, or hey, are you okay? You seem a little off, man. Is everything going good? We should get together sometime. Do something. And again, if you don't know what to say or what to do or how to go about it, take that opportunity right here and right now to call someone who does know what to do. And if you know that person's family, the other friends and stuff like that, get other people involved. So the more love and commitment you show to that individual, the more he or she will see that they're loved and just wrap your arms around them. I mean, if I could go back and do it all over again, I would take my arms and wrap it around both those gentlemen that I lost, those dear friends. Just wrap my arms around them and just hold them. It doesn't matter. You know, cry together, laugh together, whatever it takes, you know. But if I could just do it all over again, you know, because it it worries me when I hear about it, whether you be military or civilian, like the young Minnesota football player that that apparently took his life on what the understanding is. You know, we can do a better job as individuals, as people who love and care for others. Take the time to care enough that maybe someone will go, wow, I am loved. You know what? I was thinking about taking my life, or maybe just for that one day, or two days, or three days, or a week, or a month, or two months, they say, you know, wow, I'm okay, I'm doing better. And the more you talk to them, the more you show them love, the more you put your arms around them, and and and keep them busy, keep them active. You know, that that idle mind and those idle thoughts can be really endearing and damaging because you know, when you're suicidal, it is a huge deal when you feel like no one cares and no one gives a damn. And believe me and you, everybody, or at least most everybody, maybe the thought crossed your mind, but nothing serious. When I was in the Marine Corps, uh, I had a few operational tools on the combat side. You know, you get those thoughts in your head that, man, before I get taken out, I'll take my own life. Those things, things like that can creep into your mind when you're at home and stuff is just going bad financially, and your marriages on the rocks, things can take control and seize your heart and clam you up. So I'm telling you today, this is my challenge to you. The suicide awareness challenge. Show your love and appreciation. Help someone, help themselves, get others involved. We can do it as a family. Send me a message, shoot it right back to me. I ain't got to know the person. I'm a people person. I can talk to anybody. I can sit down with President of the United States, or I can sit down with the president, I can sit down with President Kim Jong. Or anybody. I just don't mind talking to people. And if I had done a little bit more for those two gentlemen, if I had known more and understood more at that time, I can tell you right here and right now, I would have done everything in my power to make sure I spend as much time with them as possible and do more than what I did. You know, things that I just didn't know and didn't understand, it's gonna happen to so many of us, and it has happened. But now I know when I look at my family, friends, and other loved ones, co-workers, anything, and I think that something's wrong, if something seems off, I get to talking. And I'm a talker. I can talk it up. And I guarantee you, I'm gonna show them love, gonna put my arms around, gonna tell them it's gonna be okay. Hey, come by. I'll come to your house. Whatever it takes, do what you can do. Love your neighbors, your brothers, your sisters, your moms, your dads. Let's be a family in this together. And I don't care who you are, wherever you are, around the world, around this universe, let's make a pact and challenge one another that if you see someone in dire need of help, and that mental health seems off, and they even so much as appear suicidal, get involved right away. I'm not asking you to just get all up in somebody's business to where it's just too much, but you know, and you understand we're at ages and stages in life, like I said, to where we can help others. Now, with that said in closing, I just want to say thank you for listening in. Because you better plan on it, because at any given day, anything can happen. And again, thank you for your time. Love you, God bless you. Take care of yourselves out there, and again, love one another, and we'll chat again soon.