"Delayed Gratification"

🎙️ Episode 6: Delayed Gratification – Why Growth Requires Waiting

Everyone wants growth… but not everyone wants to wait for it.

In this episode, we dismantle the popular belief that if it doesn’t happen fast, it wasn’t meant to be — and uncover the truth about why leadership, healing, and transformation all require patience, preparation, and emotional endurance.

You’ll learn:

• Why rushed growth leads to burnout
• How delayed gratification is a leadership discipline
• The emotional cost of trying to leap before you’re ready
• How to steward what you have while preparing for what’s next

Featuring real-life leadership insights, biblical grounding, and research-informed wisdom from Angela Duckworth and Jim Collins, this episode challenges you to rethink the way you handle waiting.

🔑 Greatness isn’t denied — it’s developed.

Let’s talk about how to grow without rushing what you’re meant to carry.

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💬 Let’s connect:

Instagram → @livingbeyondaveragepodcast

Visit the site → livingbeyondaveragepodcast.com

Read the book → Experiential Leadership Theory: Leadership Through Horsemanship — available now on Amazon

References

Collins, J. (2001). *Good to great: Why some companies make the leap—and others don't*. HarperBusiness.

Duckworth, A. (2016). *Grit: The power of passion and perseverance*. Scribner.

The Holy Bible, New International Version. (2011). Zondervan. (Psalm 75:6-7)

Chapters

• 0:00 The Price of Promotion and Growth
• 3:00 What If It's Divine Development?
• 6:20 Personal Revelation Through Career Setbacks
• 10:00 The Emotional Toll of Rushing Growth
• 14:22 Preparation Before Promotion
• 17:39 Taking First Steps on Your Staircase

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

What if the very thing you've been praying for just is just not coming? But it's not because it's not yours, but maybe it's because you haven't become the person you need to be in order to carry what is coming to you. You see, everybody wants promotion, everybody wants increase, expansion, but it seems that very few people have the patience to wait for it. Very few people have the discipline that they need to move closer towards their goals, and even fewer people position themselves while they wait. See, growth requires more than just desire. It demands development. Welcome to the living beyond average podcast, where we challenge, oversimplify cliches and simplify over complicated ideas. The information shared is grounded in truth, not opinion, and facts, not assumptions. Today's episode dismantles the mindset that if something doesn't happen fast enough, then it must not be for me, but delayed gratification. You can't view it as as a failure. You can sort of look at it as as formation and, and sometimes what feels like a setback is really a setup for sustainability. What if what you've been waiting on isn't being withheld? It's being prepared? Have you ever thought about it like that? Even though you might feel that you are positioning yourself, maybe what you're positioning yourself for is not ready for you? And what if the time it it's taking is not delay but a divine development process? You see, you have to be in alignment, and I'm talking about timing, uh, your mindset. Everything has to be aligned in order for whatever that increase or success or expansion looks like to you before it comes, you got to get ready. You've heard, if you stay ready, you, you got to get ready. You've heard, if you stay ready, you ain't got to get ready. Today's episode dismantles the mindset that if something doesn't happen fast enough, then it must not be for me. But you know, delayed gratification we shouldn't look at that as failure. You can view it as formation and also, sometimes, what might feel like a setback is probably really just a setup for sustainability. What if what you've been waiting for isn't being withheld but it's being prepared? You see, everything has to be in alignment for it to work properly. So you might think you're ready, and let's say you are. You've invested in yourself, you've invested the time, you've been patient. But what if the very thing you're waiting for is not ready for you? And what if the time that it's taking isn't really delay? It could be divine intervention. It could also be viewed as a divine development process.

Speaker 1: 4:50

See, I'll be honest with you, as a young deputy, I tested for promotion many times and I was disappointed. I mean, I tested well, I placed well and I thought I was ready, but nothing happened. Not then. And, yes, I did get frustrated, but I didn't let that stop me from testing again when the time came. Again when the time came. But it wasn't until I promoted, later on in my career, that I had a revelation. You see, all those times that I had tested, I tested because, yes, I did want it, but that was just it. I wanted it, but I wasn't ready for it. See, I was still too young in my career, but I saw everybody else promoting and I was like, oh, I can do that, but that's not what it was about. Be patient and take the time to not just learn the rules of the job, but I needed to learn the job itself, meaning how to interact with the people both in the department and in the community. So as time went on and I became more seasoned in my profession, I started to then understand and feel and know that I actually had something to give, something to offer outside of just the title.

Speaker 1: 6:42

I'm your host, lionel Murphy, I'm a husband, an author, a veteran, a rancher, a leadership coach and a truth teller. I'm here to dismantle the myths that keep some of us in what I'll call emotional confusion and to also help call everyone who's ready into the clarity of true leadership, at home and at work. In our last episode we talked about appeasement and the belief that staying quiet somehow keeps the peace, but what we learned was that silencing your voice, it doesn't build connection, but what it does build is resentment. See, appeasement might sound good, but in actuality, it breaks trust and it stunts growth. This episode will build on that truth, because appeasement, it doesn't just hurt relationships. It will keep you in a loop that will possibly keep you from achieving your highest goal Delayed gratification. It requires emotional endurance, it requires the ability to keep going when results aren't immediate, and this is where some leaders fall short. Know that I speak from my lived experiences. I am not speaking to you as a clinician, nor am I speaking to you as a medical professional. The information shared is not intended to replace professional counseling or therapy. If you're experiencing trauma or mental health challenges, please seek qualified professionals for care. Qualified professionals for care.

Speaker 1: 8:50

Our quote for today is growth isn't granted, it's prepared for Now. What that means is growth requires more than just talent and timing. It requires intention, it requires purpose, and it requires intention, it requires purpose and it requires patience. Our cliche for the day is if it doesn't happen fast enough, then it might not be. For me, this belief makes timing a false god. A false God Because, in truth, some of the most worthwhile outcomes, some of the most gratifying achievements, take the most time to build. Jim Collins writes that great leaders don't leap, they build. You see, speed doesn't make something, great Stewardship does.

Speaker 1: 9:51

Most teachings on growth, they generally focus on outcome, the promotion, the payoff, the accolades, the applause, the accolades, the applause, but few they. They very rarely talk about the emotional price tag, it very rarely talks about the grit it takes and it very rarely talks about personal investment, self-investment, especially when it feels like nothing is moving. You might want to give up, but I'll say hang in there, let's break it down. Let's talk about the emotional toll of rushing growth. Let's talk about the emotional toll of rushing growth.

Speaker 1: 10:48

You see, with men, when progress doesn't come quickly, the man might start to question everything. He might start questioning his timing, his talent. Is he worthy? What more can I do Even his calling. Am I walking down the wrong road? This can be frustrating and it's something that might be internalized. He may seem calm on the outside but that doubt it'll chip away at his confidence and eventually he disengages. Now for the wife, she might begin to feel the distance, the vision he once laid out, the vision he was once so excited about. He now becomes quiet. That vision seems to become more of a whisper and without clarity, without consistency, that trust that she had in him starts to erode.

Speaker 1: 12:16

You see, when growth is forced, trust has a tendency to fracture. What do I mean by that? Has a tendency to fracture. What do I mean by that? We put our energies into something that we are trying to achieve and if we're not moving fast enough in that direction or getting closer to what we say our goals are, embarrassment can set in. When that happens, we lack the motivation and we start to become quiet. In that quiet time we disconnect and we don't talk as openly as we probably should have, and that would eventually erode the trust.

Speaker 1: 13:14

But when growth is nurtured with intention and patience, that connection deepens. See, men often equate delay with denial. But waiting doesn't mean that you failed. It means you're still being formed and from a female's perspective, a woman's perspective consistency and clarity seem to matter more than charisma. If you're growing, I'll say grow visibly. What do I mean by that? Share the process, speak openly, because you might be having a bad time, because things aren't happening quick enough, but maybe she can offer a thought, a prayer or something that will help move you along in the direction that you want to go.

Speaker 1: 14:23

As Collins said, greatness isn't accidental, it's intentional, which means you have to work at it. And in the Bible Psalms 75, 6 and 7, it says Promotion comes from above, but preparation is your job, because faith without works is dead, because faith without works is dead. So I want you to ask yourself what have I been praying for but not truly preparing for? There's a difference. So what have I been praying for but not truly preparing for? Preparing for when have I been rushing the process instead of respecting the formation? And what can I be a better steward of right now, before I ask for more? That could be your family, your relationship, it could be your finances. You need to be a good steward of what's in front of you before you can ask for more this week, I want you to choose one area of your life where you've been feeling impatient. Don't ignore it. I want you to think about it and start to build on it. Start to figure out how to get out of that rut, start to figure out how to change that negative talk to positive and take one intentional action that shows that you are preparing to carry what you've been asking for.

Speaker 1: 16:18

Before we wrap, I want to highlight our thought leader of the week. This week we highlight Dr Martin Luther King Jr. He was a civil rights icon and a spiritual leader who embodied the discipline of delayed gratification through sustained, nonviolent leadership. Dr King once said faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase. See, this quote captures what it means to to keep moving forward even when the reward is not instant. You see, that's the heartbeat of delayed gratification. Dr King didn't chase applause. He pursued transformation. He led with patience, conviction and purpose, even in the face of resistance.

Speaker 1: 17:20

So, as you move into your week, ask yourself what's the staircase I've been afraid to step onto, simply because I can't see where. I can't see where it ends? If you're interested in the references used to inform this episode, you can find them in the captions. If today's episode sparked something in you and you want to keep growing in your leadership journey, you can find more tools and real-time conversations at livingbeyondaveragepodcastcom. You can also connect with me personally over on Instagram at livingbeyondaveragepodcast. And if you're ready to take your leadership to the next level, my book Experiential Leadership Theory Leadership Through Horsemanship is available now on Amazon. It's not just theory, it's the model I live, teach and lead by every day. Until next we meet. I want you to lead with integrity, ride with confidence and live beyond average.